Funkytown

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Funkytown is yet another mediocre gore video to come out of the cartel-infested shithole of Mexico, but instead of your typical beheading or face scalping, the Zeta bois went out of their way this time to make this video just slightly more excruciatingly painful than your typical narcovideo. Even before the camera went up, it is evident that the surprise guest has already endured severe pain and torture beyond what is typical of a cartel execution; having had both his hands severed, face scalped off, eyes gouged out and a catheter rammed up his bunghole constantly injecting him with AIDS and adrenaline just to keep him conscious and alive longer for maximal pain. Within the given screen time, his torturers struggle to cut his throat with a sickle and a box cutter knife. It is considered one of the worst gore videos on the internet by those who have never seen The Power 5. If you listen past the gurgling cries and moans of agony, you might chime in on some techno/disco music playing in the background, which can make watching this video a total bop and a groove. Despite being named "Funkytown", the actual song called Funkytown only plays during the last 20 seconds of the video, almost enough to avoid a JewTube copyright strike.

Transcript

Since Encyclopedia Dramatica is an English encyclopedia, you probably don't speak Taco, but not to worry- we've got you covered. (Translation is courtesy of Screamer Wiki.)

	“	0:03 “There, the boxcutter! Get the boxcutter!” 0:07 “This shit (machete) isn’t cutting right.” 0:09 “Look… you have this shit upside down.” 0:15 (after the victim screams) “Put the stick in him (his mouth).” 0:25 “Jairo!” (calling someone over) “Help me step on him! You’re a big guy.” 0:28 “Sure, bro” -Jairo(?) 0:32-0:45 Intelligible: At least ~3 people speak here all at once 0:45 “This shit (boxcutter) isn’t cutting right, bro…” 0:48 “It isn’t cutting?” 0:50 “How’s it not cutting right?” 0:51 “Open it more” (the boxcutter, as in extend the blade further) 1:00 “He bit it. I was trying to cut his tongue off. Let it go!” (after the victim bites down on the boxcutter blade) 1:03 “Let it go.” “Make him scream!” 1:05 and 1:08 “Put the stick in his mouth.” “Put it in, put it in, put it in.” 1:12 and 1:16 “Fucking stick it in here (victim’s mouth) so he won’t scream.” “He’s going to keep screaming.” 1:20 “That’s it…” (after the victim tries to scream) 1:23-1:41 Intelligible: the victim loudly gurgles on blood as his throat is repeatedly cut with the boxcutter 1:41 “You picked the wrong side, you son of a mother fucking bitch.” (directed at victim) 1:48-2:15 Mostly intelligible: more gurgling and background music (Guns N’ Roses - Sweet Child O’ Mine starts at 1:59) 2:02 “What the hell?…” -background 2:15 “You son of a bitch” 2:19 “Put a towel on him (victim’s neck).” -background 2:19 “Dany/Dani, step on him! Stand on his chest, dude.” -the cameraman(?) 2:25 “Fuck…” 2:28 Lipps Inc. - Funkytown starts playing 2:29 “Just let him go (die) now.” 2:31 “Cut his… cut his… cut his hands so they bleed” (? indirect as the victim no longer has hands) 2:42 “It doesn’t matter anymore.”	„

Music Selection

DJ Toys - Put Your Hands Up In The Air Guns N' Roses - Sweet Child of Mine Lipps Inc. - Funkytown Previous Video | Next Video

Supposedly, More Than A Woman by Bees Gees, Recuerdos of Una Noche by Los Pasteles Verdes and Beat It by Michael Jackson are also audible in the video, but you watch it and tell me if you hear them; they probably played for a literal second before being changed for something more groovy.

Funkytown on YouTube

On July 16, 2023, a grainy, low-quality version of Funkytown was uploaded to YouTube by a user named Mr Bist, which amassed 54,000 views and remained on the site for about 8 months before YouTube's anti-lulz measures detected the video on March 15, 2024.

• Archive

'Scroll Down' page

In yet another act of win from Encyclopedia Dramatica, a gif version of funkytown was featured on the 'Scroll Down' page before the video became well known to the public receptacle and before the name "funkytown" was attributed to it. The 'Scroll Down' article was intended as a level 2 for people who completed the 'Offended' page challenge, but it has since been deleted due to nondescript animal abuse content.

	“	I remembered this was in the Scroll Down page of Encyclopedia Dramatica a while ago before it was actually popular. I was actually fucked up in the mind when i first saw that.	„
	—Likeicare

Funkytown 2: Electric Boogaloo

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Another video dubbed Funkytown soccer/Funkytown football began to circulate in 2021, which is rumored to be filmed by the same people responsible for the original or at least filmed in the same set. The video depicts some kids playing with some dead guy's heart that they visibly tore out of his chest and then kicking around his decapitated head like a soccer ball. This video is also known as Narco Playtime/Narco Soccer and also "Hi".

Misc. Videos

Recreated in People Playground for the especially squeamish. Animated. Random kid predicts Funkytown a decade prior to the gore video. A pretty good video documentary on the Funkytown gore video. Baldi Reacts. Funkytown in Friday Night Funkin'. Previous Video | Next Video

See Also

• 3Guys1Hammer
• Beheading video
• Graphic Violence
• Narcovideo

External Links

• Screamer Wiki coverage
• KnowYourMeme coverage, because brutally killing a guy is a LOLSOFUNNY meme apparently.
• Narco Soccer's got a KYM too

Funkytown is part of a series on Psychopaths

[It rubs the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose againOpen the box]