Thomas Kinkade
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This person is a fierce alcoholic
You can help by sending them pamphlets and donating your liver. |
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| Thomas Kinkade | |
| Born | January 19, 1958 |
| Died | April 6, 2012 (age 54) |
| Nationality | American 
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| Occupation | |
| Religion | Christianity |
Thomas Kinkade† (Fullname: William Thomas Kinkade III) or The Painter of Light was the Jesus freak, greeting-card-cover-art painter, and alcoholic. Who, due to the utter lack of originality in his paintings, instead choosing to be a safe as possible, gained a hate following. Because of this and the growing failure to sell paintings, he would commit suicide by mixing Xannies with the forbidden Wocky Slush.
He would originally see popularity in the early 1990s, earning millions from it to later blow on Colt 40s. He gave himself the nickname "Painter of Light", due to his heavy use of Christian imagery through bright colors in his paintings. Recently, one of these paintings of a typical American household with a US flag was used in a pro-ICE post on Xitter by The DHS. Although Kinkade was an outward conservative while alive, his family would come out to make the statement that they disavowed the post because it was "xenophobic", amongst other reasons.
Although touting himself as a wholesome-chungus Christian martyr, he would abuse this status from other Christians by scamming them into dumping money to support something they thought was a cause to help Christians, but instead was a ploy to get more money to fund his art.
The Hate for Kinkade
Kinkade's work although tolerated by normal people, is very hated by so-called "art critics". Instead of calling it boring or accessible, they instead use the word kitsch, which has followed him throughout his entire career.
These critics hate Kinkade due to them thinking he is the cancer killing real art, and will stop at nothing to make sure you know that his generic slop art is everything wrong with this world. This phenomenon has been documented through out many articles and spergings on the Internet.
In actuality his paintings are just so unoffensive that it's offensive.
Alcohol
Alcohol can do funny things to you, this was especially true in Kinkade's case. Because of a branddeal with Disney✡ he was invited to Kikeland where he would get so drunk he would whip out his cock in the middle of the theme park, and later piss on a Winnie the Pooh statue. Another time while drunk at a painting sale event, he would grope somebody. He would also later get a DUI for drunk driving in California, 2 years before his death. This is where his mugshot is from.
Death
In 2012 Kinkade would finally die from an overdose, in which his ex and current (former?), wives fought in court for his Jewish estate. The will that he wrote for both of them was written while he was drunk, meaning you can barely make out any of the text.
His death was celebrated around detractor circles, and is seen as an Epic Ween that saved the west.
Places you can find Kinkade's art
- Hotels
- Dentist offices
- Holiday greeting cards
- Your grandma's house
- The trash
- Jigsaw puzzle covers
Videos
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External Links
See Also
- Artcow
- Bob Ross
- Disney - Partnered up with him
- Fat
- Terry Davis
- Thomas
- Shit Nobody Cares About
- Webcomics - Close enough
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Thomas Kinkade is part of a series on Webcomics | ||||||||||
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| Thomas Kinkade is part of a series on Lolcows | [I'M PRESSING BUTTONS] | ||
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