- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Killdozer
|
|
| |
|---|---|
| Marvin Heemeyer | |
| Born | October 28, 1951 |
| Died | June 4, 2004 (aged 52) |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
|
| Highscore | Killed 0, injured 0 |
| Top 50? | It's the thought that counts |
| Style | Carmageddon |
| An Hero? | Yes |
Killdozer. Say it to yourself. KILLDOZER!
The name exudes an aura of badassery, and with good reason; pictured above is the kind of fucking awesomeness you're up against should you decide to cross the path of the Killdozer... part-man, part-machine.
On June 4, 2004, a man in Granby, Colorado exacted his revenge against the local government and a poorly-positioned concrete factory being built adjacent to his muffler shop. That man was Marvin John Heemeyer†, and his revenge was the Killdozer. Deep inside the Killcave, he spent several months armoring the Killdozer with chunks of concrete and steel plating. He also installed several video cameras on the outside of his creation so he could see where he was going without being shot; meaning he intended to do some serious damage. On the fateful day he decided to let loose his monstrosity, many on the Internet closely followed this man's raging protest, as his armor-plated bulldozer destroyed the homes and businesses of those who had wronged him.
Killdozer's Day
Granby is a town in the middle of the bumfuck Rocky Mountains whose whole population consists of 10 houses, 4 feral cats and a handful of sheep. During Killdozer's attack, the military considered airlifting in small tank weaponry, until they learned the city they'd be defending was Granby, so the city was conceded to Killdozer. Because of this, Heemeyer's quest to destroy the town was almost a total success. Sadly, he ran over 2 of the feral cats.
One would think someone like Heemeyer was either insane or evil, but he is hailed as a hero by many, even though his trail of destruction left no one harmed in its wake. Goons in particular loved him and his actions, and reported on the events in a huge thread and several websites devoted to the Killdozer.
[+]Manifesto
"Had Cody just one time come to me with a counter offer, I would not have to be so unreasonable. At my auction in 2002 my minimum bid was $450,000, 10 percent of which would have gone to the auctioneer. Had someone bid the $450,000, I would have walked away. I netted $400,000 either way, at auction or, by selling it myself. It's interesting how the dozer was the only thing that did not sell at my auction. It was not until later I discovered it would just fit in the storage building. It's interesting how I had until June of 2004 to complete the dozer. It's interesting how a self-made single man who died at age 52 was sent to buy the property in '92. It's interesting to know that I did not buy the property for my self, but for John Kliener Bill's brother. It's interesting how he backed out of the deal. It's interesting how I got stuck here, as I only wanted to take a six month vacation from 'Nov. '91 – May '92. It's interesting how I got Boulder muffler back in 1996, and leased it out again only after someone came to me voluntarily. It's interesting how sales tax have not jumped significantly since the start of the plan. It's interesting how Bab, Travis, and the ins. guy did not suspect anything when they inspected the storage building in the fall of 2003. Especially with the 2,000 lb lift fully exposed. Somehow their vision was clouded. It's interesting how I never got caught. This was a part-time project over a one and one-half year time period. It's interesting how a town atty. (Krob), Doucheff's atty. (Daily), the planning commission, the town board, Doucheff with all of his years of planning, and all his friends, "accidentally" screwed up the PDO process (see judge's ruling, spring of '02) and another (objective?) atty found out after just one of my visits to his office. It's interesting how he milked me for over $51,000. It's interesting how Ben McCleand has never charged me for representing me on the septic tank issue. It's interesting how everyone lost. One thing the community should also learn: don't let inbred, window peeking perverts and bankrupt suicidals run everything. Now do you have the courage to stand up. It's interesting how Dick Thompson died shortly after PDO approval. It's interesting how Ron Thompson died prematurely shortly after PDO approval. It's interesting how the Doucheff girl died prematurely shortly after PDO approval. It's interesting how Marv Heemeyer died prematurely shortly after PDO approval. Is he the last to die prematurely? You Granby have got to learn to listen. Can you hear me now?"
An Hero is Born
After Killdozer experienced some engine trouble, its operator realized he could no longer cut a swath of chaos though Colorado, and took his own life. It took police two days to gain entrance to the steel/concrete-armored bulldozer. In the spring of 2005 Granby officials dismantled Killdozer and sold the parts to several different scrapyards, afraid fans would reassemble the pieces and go nuts on their own. Which is a shame cuz that would have looked totally kick ass on my lawn.
— Ted Wang, Mayor of Granby, Colorado | ||
|
Gallery
The Killdozer
| |
|---|---|
| Killdozer | |
| Type | Improvised tank |
| Chassis | Komatsu D355A |
| Armor | Shitload of concrete, .5 in steel plates, 3 inch bullet-proof glass around cameras |
| Armament | Barrett .50 cal. FN FNC Mini-14 |
| Equipment | CCTV system, dust cleaning system for the cameras |
|
The Main Event
Memes
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Joining forces with Richard Russell -
-
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 0/20 Terminator 2: Government Revenge |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 4/20 Barely destroyed half of the buildings, plus managed to get stuck in a basement |
| Style: | 20/20 Decided to get revenge WITHOUT guns and used a more creative way |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 |
| Bonus: | 20/20 Bonus for An Hero |
Wanted Level:
S.W.A.T. Team
See Also
External Links
TOW coverage
Moar info and pics on WPD- Whole story from a blog
- Even MOAR pics
- Killdozer on Tanks Encyclopedia
Heeymeyer's audio tapes
- Killdozer (band) - Obviously influenced by the Killdozer itself, listening to Killdozer completely demolish such shitty music as
American Pie on their For Ladies Only album can result in irreparable brain ruin. Here is one example of Killdozer's music. - Baneblade
- News footage of Heemeyer trolling Granby with the Killdozer.
- Something Awful's Killdozer thread
- Thread after Heemeyer's death.
Reddit pulls apart the Heeymeyer folklore (See removed posts: 1)- Play as Heeymeyer now! -
(archive)
| Killdozer is part of a series on epic events and trolls 
|
|
|---|