Mike Chitwood

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Mike Chitwood, a.k.a. Kike Shitwood^✡, is a former Florida sheriff turned full-time Internet policeman with a hate-boner for those 4chan trolls. What separates him from most of the casuals is his ability to actually send those trolls to jail.

Chitwood declares war on 4chan

Beginning in 2023, Mike Chitwood rose to e-prominence by targeting users of 4chan. It all started when the Goyim Defense League trolled the Daytona International Speedway by hanging antisemitic banners over it, causing Mike Chitwood to dis them, causing 4chan nazis to post about their fantasies to kill him (in Minecraft, of course), causing many of them to get arrested and extradited to Florida so they could ride down the escalator of shame at the Florida airport where Chitwood could greet them personally at the bottom because Chitwood likes to get the last laugh. In fact, you don’t even need to necessarily threaten Chitwood's life to get on his shitlist; people like Richard Golden only suggested somebody should kill Mike Chitwood (in a video game no less) and still got a year's worth of jail time. Ultimately, Mike Chitwood views it as essential to crush the First Amendment because it allowed shit like the Buffalo Supermarket Shooting to happen.

Chitwood goes after the kids

Post this and the consequences will never be the same.

Sometime in 2024, Chitwood began arresting and perp-walking kids for posting school shooting threats online. The department also made sure to release their face doxes and powerwords as a form of punishment through public humiliation via their “Naming and Shaming” policy; forever screwing up their future prospects just for sharing edgy memes online or having a dark and sordid sense of humor. This caused much butthurt among free speech advocates and columbiners, although if any of them were serious about shooting up their school, than I guess you could just call it Natural Selection.

Since Chitwood and company gleefully released these kids' information to the public, we might as well cover some of them with their mugshots to boot as certificates of their badassery:

see also: High Score#Absolute Fucking Failures

• Carlo "Kingston" Dorelli (11), Creekside Middle School

Jokingly showed off his arsenal of air soft guns, knives, swords and a hit list to his classmates through FaceTime calls, leading to his arrest on Sept. 16, 2024. Ironically, it was another 11-year-old boy that ratted him out who was involved in similar activities.

• Trinity Mack & Brayden Severance (17 & 16), T. Dewitt Taylor Middle-High

Shortly after their school broadcasted an announcement warning students that all threats would be taken seriously and could lead to arrest, Trinity posted a picture of her school laptop on Snapchat captioned with “Imma shoot up the school”, Brayden commented “Same”, then they were both arrested on Sep. 18, 2024.

Perp walk video: https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=505488772279311&vanity=sheriffchitwood&http_ref=eyJ0cyI6MTc2OTAzNjYxOTAwMCwiciI6Imh0dHBzOlwvXC93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbVwvIn0%3D

• Kamden Taylor (13), Riverview Learning Center

Arrested TWICE. Once on Sept. 27, 2024, for making a threat against somebody through his PlayStation and again in Feb. 6, 2025, because the AI overlords detected something he wrote on his school computer.

Hopefully, this gives you an idea of how absolutely minute some of these kids' offenses were and how Orwellian the justice response to it is.

Btw, feel free to add more child victims to this list.

Onideus Mad Hatter Saves The Kids

Some time in 2025, the ever-prevalent lolcow, Onideus Mad Hatter, came to prominence once again after sending a death threat (if we are to use the word “threat” loosely) to Mike Chitwood and getting the whole escalator of shame treatment as a result of it. Apparently Mr. Onideus was upset with Chitwood's treatment of these children because their mugshots were being sourced into his AI-generated child pornography or something like that.

The Final Solution

Due to Sheriff Mike Shitwood's egregious breach of the constitution and our right to the freedom of speech, we here at Encyclopedia Dramatica have made the unanimous decision that Sheriff Mike Chitwood must die. I’m sorry, but we at Encyclopedia Dramatica are going to kill you, LOL, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. We are anonymous, we are legion.

I repeat: we are going to kill Sheriff Mike Chitwood.

I repeat: we are going to kill Sheriff Mike Chitwood.

I repeat: we are going to kill Sheriff Mike Chitwood.

I repeat: we are going to kill Sheriff Mike Chitwood.

I repeat: we are going to kill Sheriff Mike Chitwood.

I repeat: we are going to kill Sheriff Mike Chitwood.

I repeat: we are going to kill Sheriff Mike Chitwood.

You can help by forwarding this message to Sheriff Mike Chitwood at Volusia Country, Florida.

Gallery

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See Also

• Joe Lieberman - a politician even more Jewey and anti-lulz than Chitwood is. He wants you arrested just for being Goth or playing DOOM.
• Onideus Mad Hatter - one of his victims.
• Richard Golden - another one of his victims.

External Links

• His Facebook
• His Twitter
• His Instagram

Mike Chitwood is part of the following series:

• 
  Chans
• 
  Trolls

Mike Chitwood is part of a series on Columbine

[All jocks stand up!NBK]

Mike Chitwood is part of a series on Internet Humanitarianism [Click to CollapseClick to Expand] ♘

Species: Internet Humanitarianism • Moralfag • Social Justice Warrior • Slacktivist • Newfag • Real Life Super Hero • Troll's Remorse • White Knighting White Knights of the Round Table: Adrian Chen • Angry Homo Kid • Argent009 • Barrett Brown • CircaRigel • Dangerman • Internet police • Internet Vigilante Group • Irish282 • Jamie Baillie • JIDF • Jude's Army • Kathy Sierra • Keffals • KYAnonymous • Marc Threadingham • Michael Crook • Mission: MySpace • Reputation Defender • Rfjason • Rootbrian • Sabu • Tablecow • The Unknown Autobot • VolunteersForUkraine • Vordrak • Violetkitty411 Bad Guys and Other Targets: 8chan • Face-painter • Furrys • Hackers • Kiwi Farms • MySpace Trolls • Pedophiles • Perverts • Porn • RedTube • Skiddie • Trolls • White people • You

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