Mac Miller

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Mac Miller
Given Name(s)	Malcolm James McCormick EZ Mac Larry Lovestein^✡
State Of Being	An hero
Nationality	Americunt
Genus	Wigger
Born	January 19, 1992
Died	September 7, 2018
Classification	Alcoholic Rapper / Singer Producer / Copyright infringer
Years active	2007–2018

Mac Miller was an hero Americunt wigger rappist and former Purple Drank™ aficionado found dead in his apartment while visiting a local pharmaceutical distributor and find out if he was hardcore. It is widely debated on whether his death was caused by Ariana Grande leaving his junkie ass for some unfunny comedian just for having a bigger dick than him or if it was because he couldn't help himself with all those sweet, sweet, drugs he took as a coping mechanism.

	“	A drug habit like Philip Hoffman will probably put me in a coffin	„
	— Mac accurately predicting his future 4 years before he croaked.

	“	To everyone who sell me drugs, don't mix it with that bullshit, I'm hopin' not to join the 27 Club	„
	— Well, Mac, you were 4 months early in terms of that

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Relationshits

Mac was in only 2 known relationships during his time in our world. Nomi Leasure and Ariana Grande.

The First One

Mac met Nomi Leasure in middle school, when everyone (except for some people) was developing desires to date someone they found themselves to love more than they love their actual family members. However, the two were patient, and waited until high school to start dating each other.

Have a big bowl of Mac N' Nomi! About missing Pics

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Everything was going well until Ariana Grande showed up. March 28 of 2013 was when tensions started as Ariana and Mac release their song “The Way” together. The director thought it would be appropriate to have Mac making out with Ariana briefly at the end. This pissed off Nomi so much, that she dumped Mac the next month because up until homosexuality plagued our society, men were known for becoming helpless wild animals when it came to meeting other women. So it was easy to assume that she thought he was cheating because in 2011, she wrote a long ass Tumblr post talking about how monogamy is way better for genital health than polyamory.

	“	I met my ex in eighth grade. We were together from the end of junior year till two months ago. I’m in that relationship for four years. When it’s that long, the first two years are one thing, but the second two years shit really gets hard. Especially with what I’m doing. Macadelic was all about us. This love/drugs stuff, how love and drugs are the same thing—our relationship was fucking me up. It made me think of myself as a bad person. I’m uncomfortable talking about the relationship, especially on video, cause I know she’s going to watch and see my facial expressions and it’ll be bad. That was my first real relationship and it’s still not 100% over. I’ve learned a lot about myself from being with her, but I can’t tell if I know anything about love yet.	„
	— Mac after Nomi dumped him the first time thinking he was cheating on her.

	“	That’s the homie. She’s got a boyfriend and everything. Obviously, that [kiss] made everyone talk. I didn’t even know that was going to happen and then we were shooting and the director was like ‘This should happen’ and I’m like ‘Alright.’ When I went back to my old school, elementary, middle school, the other day when I was in Pittsburgh, and everyone was freaking out like ‘You kissed Ariana Grande.’ I was like ‘Yeah….you know how I do,’ She’s a very, very talented singer, like she can sing incredibly. And she’s a great person. She’s one of the nicest just people I’ve ever met in my life.	„
	— Mac after filming The Way with la puta grande

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Later on that same year, Mac and Nomi were a couple again after things cooled down. Around the same time, this butch lesbian with a dick named Jai Brooks parted ways with Ariana, not because she and Mac made out at the end of their music video, "The Way", but she also cheated on Jai with some nobody named Nathan Sykes.

So here, have a second helping of Mac N' Nomi! About missing Pics

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Then they broke up again in May 2014! People are assuming it could have been because of those nasty lyrics Mac decided to put on his song, Wedding. Nomi insisted otherwise.

	“	It was never healthy, even when it was beautiful. We mean too much to each other, represent too much. It's like we just never "are," we're always...in recovery	„
	—Nomi! Pick a side! Is he your significant other or not?

That whole month, Nomi was just posting pictures featuring her family, documenting hikes, participating in a bike marathon, and mentioning how her dad got her and her sister a car to share. Definitely better ways than just trying to be like the coolest pieces of walking chocolate in the music industry while doing drugs all day!

Next month, however, she left dubious hints that she might be getting back with Mac once again.

	“	He doesn't always do the right thing, but he always says the right thing. And when going to bed alone, sometimes that's enough.	„

And on August 3rd, 2014, they got back together. Mac was trying to get help for his crippling drug addiction all summer away from Nomi. Who knows what the fuck they were doing together? Hopefully drug abuse wasn't the only form of abuse that was happening between the two. The reformed relationship was going well. This time, it took 3 months for Nomi to bitch up a storm about another low point in their relationship (thank goodness there was no such word as shitty as as "situationship" at the time).

	“	Anyway, we fought a lot. Or…struggled to reach common ground. Or…I was determined to get my way. My way is as follows: People do not belong to one another.	„
	— Nomi don't know what's even going on anymore!

~~And that, marks the end of Mac and Nomi's relationship~~ SIKE! They got back together for the FOURTH time on New Year's week in 2015!

Come on! Eat up another serving of Mac N' Nomi! We don't care if you're full! About missing Pics

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“

Women for so long were taught that our lives lead to some golden peak of being loved, of being safe. Jessica Lang’s character in AHS: Coven is evil, and it just made me think how that’s just something girls don’t get to be very often. What would we be, what would we have accomplished, what chaos would we ignite if we could just be bad.The entire construction of our identities relies on how we are assessed by men (boys with beards). We have been denied the underbelly of life. The way I think about relationships, I’m finding, is pretty unconventional, and it makes me feel like a bad person. Like I’ve lost some piece of my humanity because true and absolute love is not of particular interest to me. My friends all seem to want the same thing, or at least are intensely focused on it. And I just don’t get it.

A boyfriend is a step above a dog and a step below a baby.

I say this all from the comfort of having someone amazing in my life who loves me deeply. So I say this all from a safe place. But I can offer the following: too much of anything can turn it to poison.

„

—Ay caramba, Nomi!

The Second (and final) One

BAWWWWWWWWW

Mac N' Nomi officially came to an end over the summer in 2016 (for good, this time)! While dating Ricky Alvarez, the very dancer she licked donuts with the same way she was licking his dick and balls and he was licking her tits, ass, and pussy in return, Ariana, being a helpless, horny trainwreck as usual after a breakup, decided to cast a spell to make Mac leave Nomigusta for her because she thought she was way better at sex than Nomi. Heck, Ariana started wearing a shitload of fake tan for her then pasty skin because Mac specialized in the same type of music that those chocolate coated people are oh so passionate about. When Ricky found out that he got cheated on for a bazillionth time, things ended between him and little miss donut licker. And that's when Mac and Ariana started their infamous relationshit.

The true end of that era did NOT sit well with Nomi. On her Tumblr, where everyone goes for the BAWWWWs when they're upset about something, someone came to her for relationship advice after they recently moved in with their boyfriend of six chaotic years. No-boyfriend-for-mi answered the question by making on monster sized short story of a call out post on Mac. She started by comparing relationships to two dancers, then slowly started to dive into the topic on how partners have a higher chance of benefiting each other while together than alone, calling our twenties a formative period for identity and future decisions, and likening diverse relationships to a thriving ecosystem that encourages trust in one's ability to adapt and flourish. Well, Nomi "trusted" Mac through four heaping rounds of break-ups and reconciliation. And look where all that lead to! On the same day, Mac cancelled a concert and promised to be back soon (that is, if he doesn't get too stressed out with his new lover to the point of him taking as many drugs his scrawny ass can handle).

To everyone's surprise, Mac and Ariana were hitting it off well. They were doing songs together, promoting each others music until they dominated the music industry, featuring each other in obvious copy-paste remixes of their songs, and especially having way more sex sessions than Mac ever did with Nomi because la puta Grande was far less patient between sessions compared to Mac's last lover. Supposedly, their love story started all the way back in 2012, when Ariana would visit his home in Los Angeles to offer him support during difficult times in the past because of how much he was struggling to satisfy the last girl that was a total slut for his butt. She would visit him enough to make him believe that he wanted to get into her panties instead of ~~Nomi's~~ Oh wait! He already did squirt as much cum as he could up Nomi's birth hole!

	“	I met him when I was 19. We have loved and adored and respected each other since the beginning, since before we even met, just because we were fans of each other’s talent. We weren’t ready at all, though, to be together. It’s just timing. We both needed to experience some things, but the love has been there the whole time.	„
	— Yup! She's been eyeing his white chocolate dick since their first collab!

Then BOOM!, tragedy struck on May 22nd, 2017. Some Fake Christian, Libyan alien living in Britain was jealous of Mac scoring with his supposed favorite singer who did say that she hoped that all her fans die. So, he decided to blow up as many people as he could over there, and ended up taking himself along with the fallen. This caused her to immediately go for the pause button on her Dangerous Woman tour, and she fled back to her native town, with Mac just waiting to simp for her more than ever because nothing says "I need your loving" like a chaotic airport reunion. Meanwhile, in a show of solidarity, Miller decided to cancel two of his festival appearances over the weekend; the Sasquatch! Music Festival in Washington State on Saturday and the Soundset 2017 festival in St. Paul, Minnesota, on Sunday. Guess he figured it was better to stay close to home and support Ariana than to hit the stage and risk the same thing happening to him. After enough time passed, Mac goes along with his devotion to Ariana by attending her One Love Manchester special on stage three weeks later. Who knows how much sex they were having in between shows. Probably more than the last bitch!

Unfortunately, the relationshit with Ariana did not last as long (nor went as strong) as the previous one. New challenger, Pete Davidson makes his debut the Grande Hunger Games by spring 2018, when he was just getting ready to marry Cazzie, whom he's been dating as long as Mac had been dating Ariana. Tensions rose dramatically after the Met Gala on May 7th, Ariana threw a little shindig at her Airbnb in NYC and decided to invite Pete, signalling that she has gotten sick of Mac. Her then manager, Scooter Braun casually mentioned that Pete would be hanging out with some of the SNL crew. Ariana, with a twinkle in her eye, told Scooter, “Tell Pete I said hi.” But Scooter, being the ultimate wingman, took it up a notch and said, “Why not let him say hi himself?”—and just like that, Pete got her number.

Literally two days later, not even close to their second anniversary on officially being declared hardcore simps for each other, Whoriana decided to agree with Mac's decision to end the relationshit, and went off thinking she'd have fun with an unfunny comedian solely because the comedian had a bigger dick and Mac's drug addiction went beyond his control from there. That same week his second (and final) breakup happened, Mac got arrested on charges of driving under the influence and hit and run after crashing into a utility pole and fleeing the scene with two passengers to make it seem like he was totally not trying to commit suicide after his second failed relationshit. Luckily for the police, Mac successfully killed himself with a big drug salad before he could spend who knows how long taking it up the ass in the showers of jail, and his charges were ultimately dropped.

And all this time, Nomi was still writing personal blogs about Mac even after Ariana ditched him and after he succumbed to those sweet, sweet drugs he couldn't help himself with.

	“	Thing is, writing is a tool for processing and healing. When we write about something we are forced to look at it from all angles. We sit with it, we explore it, we taste it, touch it, smell it all over again. And when there’s something that was complicated and even unhealthy in our lives, it begs continual processing. Consider the fact that most people can talk about their childhood and parents ad nauseam. There’s a lot there because, well, there’s a lot there. We need to talk about and explore the things that don’t have easy answers. Writing is one way to do that.	„
	— Nomi on why she kept writing about Mac despite him leaving her for Ariana

His departure from Earth

The Overdose

Tragedy struck when no one saw it coming on September 7, 2018. Miller was scheduled to shoot a music video that day, but instead, he was found unresponsive. His personal assistant sprang into action, trying to revive him by performing CPR like he was filming some boring sex scene. Sadly, the paramedics arrived too late, finding Miller already well past the rigor mortis phase. Definitely not the kind of music video shoot anyone would have in mind (well, the literal last girl he dated probably did, since she said she'd love to have a dinner date with Jeffrey fucking Dahmer)!

The Aftermath

Two months later, the Los Angeles County Coroner's office said that Miller's death resulted from an accidental drug overdose caused by a combination of fentanyl, cocaine, and alcohol. Hold up! Accidental!? Did the office even SEE what poor Mac went through during the last 4 months of his life? No way in hell was that accidental! The Coroner's office must have been so scared with the thought those jailbait whores, pedophiles who like women with tits as small as pudding cups, and grown ass men who are professionals at butt sex putting them out of business for Mac taking too many drugs at a time for the sake of happiness after breaking up with a certain woman they simp for as much as Mac was simping for Nomi, that they labeled his death as an accident.

One whole year later, three crackheads found themselves in hot water during the investigation into Mac's untimely demise. The first man, Cameron James Pettit was accused of selling counterfeit oxycodone pills that were coated with fentanyl two days before Mac put himself in a state of permanent slumber, delivered from the second suspect, Ryan Reavis, with the third man, Stephen Walter, as the supplier. Mac had asked his drug buddy, Cameron, for Percocet, a prescription painkiller containing that sweet oxycodone he was desperately craving, along with a side of cocaine and Xanax. Investigators suspect that Miller snorted the dubious pills before his final curtain call. The very trio that helped Mac accomplish his mission of escaping this planet to be with our Lord N' Savior got slapped with charges falling under conspiracy and drug distribution resulting in death.

The three crackheads that helped Mac complete his mission to escape from this planet:

Cameron James Pettit. Oh, maybe he really enjoyed all the dick his anus was forcefed during his time in jail.
Ryan Reavis, still having another 7 unlucky years dealing with literally getting things shoved up his ass.
Some sources say this is Stephen Walter, others say it's Ryan. The world may never know!

On April 18th 2022, Ryan learned that he was going to get a whole decade's worth of ass banging resulting in anal tearing in jail. The next month, Stephen got hit with an even longer sentence than Ryan. He's scheduled to deal with 17 and a half years worth of his cellmates slapping their dicks all over his body before testing how much dick his ass can hold! Cameron, the guy who gave Mac the life eliminating cocktail of drugs made his grand exit from prison on October 11, 2024 after who knows how many years he served, probably with a “never again” tattoo on his forehead in addition to scars far up his rectum.

	“	My actions caused a lot of pain, and for that I’m truly remorseful. I’m not that type of person who wants to hurt anybody. That’s not me. But on the paperwork where it says that I continued to conduct in that kind of behavior after I knew that there was death, that’s not the truth, your honor	„
	— Stephen trying to look innocent enough to not spend 17 years dealing with prison faggotry