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Article of the Now
Just when you thought you've seen or heard everything... Lord Xenu is now looking to further his battle against his $cientology Correctional Officers who keep him locked up with no stimulation or contact, lost to the universe in the SHU segregation of his intergalactic prison. Even Xenu has found Christ in prison and taking cues from the one One True Religion's evil-doer, Lucifer, Lord Xenu hatched what can be only described as a genius plan. If $cientology were a real religion we'd make a comparison to the Archangel Michael, the bottomless pit and Satan - but it isn't.
Recently Lord Xenu was able to release himself from his electronic, wire-cage mountain trap.
Escaping from his prison for a few seconds, Lord Xenu was able to put the idea of speedrunning through the Church of Scientology Information Center in Hollywood, Los Angeles, California in the mind of TikToker isDurpyy while filming himself running through the halls of the building screaming the powerful name Xenu, to strike fear in all of the $cientologist's hearts. The idea that Lord Xenu implanted in isDurpyy's mind is, 'if people will watch someone on Youtube beat Super Mario 69 in less than 5 minutes, just think of all the views you'll get running through a Scientology building with your dick hanging out.'
Like all great ideas on the internet that get a lot of views and likes, Swhileyy wanted some of that sweet, sweet e-Fame and did a collaboration video with isDurpyy. On March 31, 2026 they posted a video where they ran through the same $cientology building. The video garnered over 90 million views on TikTok before $cientology's well-paid and scary lawyers had it removed for glorifying Xenu.
So, 90 million views equals about 0 e-pussies unless one counts a Japanese Hentai and their sister's skin moisturizer.
Like all great things that someone else's genius has brought forth (such as the drive-thru restaurant, Encyclopaedia Dramatica, and the internets), everybody and their moms are looking to capitalize on this trend, because views and likes on a website are more important than doing something interesting in their lives, such as a girlfriend or moving out of their parents' basement.
| Clanker 2 days ago |
Communism 4 days ago |
Kanye West 6 days ago | |
Did You Know...
From Encyclopædia Dramatica's endless supply of factoids:
- ...On May 3, 2026 a group of Christian Dwarves did a Speedrun on the $cientology L.A. headquarters looking for Tom Cruise?
- ...On May 8, 1945 the Western Allied Forces defeated the Nazis and made the good part of Germany their Bitch?
- ...that live streamer Johnny Somali couldn't keep his big-lipped mouth shut and may be looking at more time because he thought he was the World's Smartest Nigger and appealed a sweetheart Prison sentence?
- ...that some stupid bitch got paid $6 Million Dollars because she claimed that she's addicted to and was traumatized by Instagram and Facebook?
- ...that Chuck Norris died? Get ready for a resurgance of Chuck Norris facts like how he's not really dead and is just taking a long nap.
- ...that it's St. Patrick's Day and 40% of the drunk driving deaths on this day will happen between midnight and 2:59 am?
- ... that boomer lawmakers are trying to ruin the internet with KOSA and other "bad internet bills" in the USA? You should tell them what you think, at badinternetbills.com!
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