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Encyclopædia Dramatica

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Article of the Now

Scientology Speedrunning

Just when you thought you've seen or heard everything, Lord Xenu, looking to further his battle against his $cientology Correctional Officers that keep him locked up with no stimulation or contact, lost to the Universe in the SHU, segregation, of his intergalactic prison. If $cientology were a real religion we'd make a comparision to the Archangel Michael, the bottomless pit and Satan but it isn't.

Even Xenu has found Christ in prison and taking cues from the one True Religion's Evil Doer, Lucifer, Lord Xenu hatched what can be only described as a genius plan.

Recently Lord Xenu was able to release himself from his electronic, wire-cage mountain trap. (Seriously??? Axe Cop was based on the idea that a writer's son, Malachai Nicolle, a 5-year-old had and it's more creative and plausable than this dribble.)

Escaping from his Lulzy prison for a few seconds, Lord Xenu was able to put the idea of Speedrunning through the Church of Scientology Information Center in Hollywood, Los Angeles, California in the mind of TikToker isDurpyy while filming himself running through the halls of the building screaming his powerful name Xenu to strike fear in all of the $cientologist's hearts. The idea that Lord Xenu implanted in isDurpyy's mind is, if people will watch someone on Youtube beat Super Mario 69 in less than 5 minutes, just think of all the views you'll get running through a Scientology building with your Dick hanging out.

Like all great ideas on the internet that get a lot of views and likes, Swhileyy wanted some of that sweet, sweet instant E-Fame and did a collaboration video with isDurpyy and on March 31, 2026 they did a video where they ran through the same $cientology building.

The video garnered over 90 million views on TikTok before $cientology's well paid and Scarey lawyers had it removed because it glorified the name of Xenu.

So 90 million views equals, we guess, 0 E-pussy unless they're counting a Japanese Hentai Anime and their Sister's skin moiturizer.

Like all great things that someone else's Genius has brought forth such as The Drive Thru Restaurant, The Batman Arkham Series and the Prison Shiv, everyone and Their Mother is looking to capitalize on this trend by imitating it because views and likes on a social site are more important than doing something interesting in their Life like maybe getting a Girlfriend or moving out of their Mother's Basement.

(( Run Midget Run ))


What have I missed?	Clanker 2 days ago	Communism 4 days ago	Kanye West 6 days ago

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Quote of the Now

	“	tbh I believed in aliens until the politicians said they were real. Now I know we are alone in the universe.	„
	— Sal the Agoristarchive

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Did You Know...

From Encyclopædia Dramatica's endless supply of factoids:

...On May, 8 1945 the Western Allied Forces defeated the Nazis and made the good part of Germany their Bitch?
...that live streamer Johnny Somali couldn't keep his big-lipped mouth shut and may be looking at more time because he thought he was the World's Smartest Nigger and appealed a sweetheart Prison sentence?
...that some stupid bitch got paid $6 Million Dollars because she claimed that she's addicted to and was traumatized by Instagram and Facebook?
...that Chuck Norris died? Get ready for a resurgance of Chuck Norris facts like how he's not really dead and is just taking a long nap.
...that it's St. Patrick's Day and 40% of the drunk driving deaths on this day will happen between midnight and 2:59 am?
...that some loser with too much money and not enough brains actually paid $14.6 million for a 1969 Fender Stratocaster that was played by Pink Floyd's David Gilmour?
... that boomer lawmakers are trying to ruin the internet with KOSA and other "bad internet bills" in the USA? You should tell them what you think, at badinternetbills.com!

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