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Encyclopedia Dramatica
"In lulz we trust."
Serving 16,485 articles since December 10th, 2004
Kurt Alexander Eichenwald✡ is a hate-filled 64-year-old paedophile, doxer, cyber bully, tentacle hentai connoisseur and distinguished lolcow who can usually be found posing as a "journalist" in an attempt to groom teenage boys into sending him n00dz and/or having hot unprotected pederast buttsecks. Aside from being a contemptible person, Eichenwald is also a hideously unattractive, balding, Jew-faced goblin who usually sets his profile photos to the middle-aged male equivalent of the Fat Girl Angle Shot and attempts to hide his blatant Jewiness by claiming to be "Episcopalian" when he isn't busy BAWWWWWing over how his relatives somehow ended up in Rosanne Barr's Easy-Bake Oven.
Eichenwald's antics have included paying a child pornographer several thousand dollars for who-knows-what, reviewing his own shitty books on Amazon, getting a man arrested for sending him a seizure-inducing .gif that he was dumb enough to actually click on, getting caught looking at hentai and then claiming that he and his kids just wanted to show his wife that tentacle porn exists, doxing an Oregon lawmaker and mocking a survivor of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting because they didn't support gun control, and threatening to sue anyone who even makes mention of his aforementioned paedophilic attraction to young boys and excellent taste in Japanese cartoon pornography.
Kurt was formerly employed by The New York Times, Newsweek, MSNBC, Vanity Fair and a child porn site called Justin's Friends – although it appears that he has now been fired from every single fucking one of them for being an even bigger piece of dog shit than Brian Zaiger. You can help Kurt out by sending him all of the horrible job offers you have that even the border-hopping Mexican illegals weren't willing to accept.
I don't even particularly dislike Jeff Bezos, but this is one of the greatest title/photo combos of all time
— Jerimaha Johnson, archive
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From Encyclopædia Dramatica's endless supply of factoids:
- ... that it's 2026? You get to make another New Year's Resolution promising that this is going to be the year that you get laid.
- ... that WhiteDate got doxed and baleeted in front of a live studio audience?
- ... that Christmas happened? We hope that you got that perverted catgirl that you want to lose your virginity to.
- ... that Rob Reiner was murdered? You can light up your smokes, once again, without feeling guilty.
- ... that it's ED’s 21st birthday?
- ... that Charlie Kirk got a sore throat while giving a pro-gun speech at Utah Valley University?
- ... that Tristen Alan Leritz raped a 51-year-old woman just because he was a virgin?
- ... that Elon Musk is White Knighting our favorite piece of Eurotrash ass, Naomi Seibt, because he wants to be French for a day and eat her snail?
- ... that the Anti-Greta, Naomi Seibt is begging our benevolent God Emperor Trump for asylum because Germany is picking on her?
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