Michael Moore

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Michael Moore is a professional leftard and a fat Socialist puppet who directs shitty documentaries about how America is bad. He also writes vapid books that appeal mostly to first year college students, self-hating whites, and even more self-hating liberals.

Moore is the patron saint of ~~moderate~~ leftists and is reviled by TV's conservative talking heads, all of whom pretend to take him seriously and get outraged by him, in order to create the false dichotomy that one is either a Fox News viewer or a Michael Moore supporter. This increases his book sales, and increases their viewership.

He is best known for his films about school shootings, health care, George Bush and pasta. Moore presents himself as a working-class hero, despite the fact that his "job" consists primarily of telling the camera and sound guys when to start and stop filming.

Common, everyday, average man that he is, Moore splits his time between his multi-million dollar apartment in Manhattan, his South Carolina beachfront property, and Jenny Craig. Like every other working parent, he sends his stepdaughter to a private school, in one of the whitest school districts in America. He has admitted that he did not have sexual intercourse with a woman until he was 34.

Film and Television Career

Micahel Moore Has had a long and successful career turning a profit for the evil corporations, by railing against the evil corporations old media. All these movies are shitty documentaries in which Moore uses one camera, one sound guy, and 40 editors.

Roger & Me - A movie about how General Motors hates America by not continuing to throw money down the shithole that is Detroit. This film is a shockingly graphic expose of the uncaring corporate world, distributed by corporate film studio Warner Bros.

TV Nation - A short-lived television show about how corporations hate America, which was broadcast on corporate network NBC. Canceled because no body gives a fuck about a fatty's opinion.

Canadian Bacon - A movie about how dumb and stupid Americans are. Hey, why mess with a good thing, right Mike?

Downsize This! - A book written entirely about his penis. Also includes a footnote or two about how big book publishers hate America, published by corporate-owned Pan Books.

The Awful Truth - Another shitty TV show based on Michel Moore's love of America, broadcast on the BEST, corporate-owned basic cable channel, Bravo.

The Big One -Basically just a re-hash of all the shit he had been saying in all his published media prior to the film's release. Reeal original, Mikey.

Stupid Black Men - Moore's second book about how white people ~~hate America~~ are stupid. Moore clearly isn't black; he's just a racist. But it's AWWWRIGHT!

Bowling for Columbine - Moore's movie about how guns hate America. In this piece of shit, Moore suggests that gun violence could be ended by letting niggers stay on welfare to sit home and collect money because all school aged niggers want to kill 6 year old white girls because their parents have to go to work and earn money. Don't you know, niggers deserve a free ride because OVER 9,000 years ago, the evil white man made them slaves so welfare is a part of their reparations. In a rare instance of win, Moore cashes in on one of the lulziest events of the twentieth century. For even more lulz and trolling fun bring up how he disses the media for selling the scare tactic that niggers are angry, crack smoking, gun toting criminals that want to rape the white pussy before killing it and then goes on to play the same game by bringing up events where niggers were angry, crack smoking, gun toting criminals that raped the white pussy before they killed it.

Dude, Where's My Food? - A published copy of Moore's food diary from age 13, on. Despite the title of the book, Moore knows exactly where his food is, at all times.

Fahrenheit 9/11 - Moore's movie about Iraq, and how George Bush hates America and was responsible for WTC. Slightly modified from the name of Ray Bradbury's most famous book, the title is accompanied by the douchey tagline, "The temperature where freedom burns!". Coincidentally, that's the same temperature at which money burns, right Mikey?

Sicko - Moore's film about how doctors hate America. Features many example of how wonderful the healthcare systems of France, Canada and Cuba (srsly) are when compared to America.

Capitalism: A LOVE STORY-Moore's latest film about why our Country fails at MONIES and why people that like capitalism hates America. Please do not prove Moore's point by watching this film. In the film, Michael Moore repeats how evil capitalism is, even though he himself owns a mansion and has made millions off his shitty films.

Friend of the Trolls

Even the briefest mention of Moore's name in any internet political debate will generate mass lulz, fighting, BAWWWWWW, ranting and everything else that you might expect to see in an online political forum. Bloggers who accused the Bush administration of trying to "silence" them were blissfully unaware that he allowed the fat sack of shit to call him a mass-murderer on theater screens nation-wide like 5 times.

Moore is also bed buddies with TV troll Sacha Baron Cohen.

Nigras on fatty

This nigger doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.

Near-Death Experience

Michael Moore, the infamous documentarian behind Fahrenheit 9/11 and Sicko, died today at 1:37 pm. He was 55 years old. Witnesses say he was on a toilet at a neighborhood Arby's at the time of his demise. Paul Rockford, one of the men who bravely tried to assist Mr. Moore, recounts the incident:

"I was sitting at a booth with my kids when I heard this awful noise. At first I thought it was a feral pig squealing outside the restaurant, but then I then I heard it shouting obscenities. I told the kids to wait and I got up and knocked on the bathroom door. I asked if he needed help, and he shouted, ~~'God dammit, call a fuckin' ambulance, you cock-sucker!~~ MOAR COCK PLZ K THNX, I'm dying in here! FUCK!"

Arby's Manager Raymond Soto quickly unlocked the restroom door and both men rushed to Moore's aid. Mr. Soto describes the situation:

"A large man came in earlier and ordered enough food to feed a starving Ethiopian village: About forty-two cherry pies, a 28oz steak, an ice-cold glass of mayonnaise, jalapeno poppers, a gallon of whole chocolate milk, and a colander full of onion rings. My staff tells me he was consuming a large kielbasa sausage he had brought from home, when he shit himself and ran to the bathroom. When the shouting started, I opened the restroom door and found him [...] on top of the toilet seat vomiting pure human body fat.

Mr. Soto declined to state why Moore wasn't at McDonalds that day. Both witnesses say Moore was straining himself to exhaustion when he collapsed. Authorities found him "sunny-side down" in front of the toilet. The few remaining guests had to be evacuated due to smell of shit and assburgers and to preserve the erotic scent of the scene. Investigators found a large, half-eaten sandwich by the bowl. "He must have brought it in with him", says Detective Mathew Rowsey. Police do not suspect foul play at this time, but "investigations will continue." This report was retracted shortly after when it was learned that Moore was allegedly revived by paramedics on his way to the local equine hospital

RETRACTION (6/29/2009)

Yesterday it was erroneously reported by The Michigan Standard that filmmaker Michael Moore had died from his stomach's weight when he rolled onto his back collapsing his lungs. Moore was revived on route to Grand Traverse Veterinary Hospital (They needed hippo sized gurneys and a flatbed). Paramedics say Moore was actually "quite alive" and reminded them of it "loudly and frequently” the entire drive (primarily by asking for sammiches). Doctors say Mr. Moore had suffered a heart attack while trying desperately to simultaneously move a large shit through his asshole and deep-fry his dog. His bowels became severely impacted and required surgery to remove the obstruction. After surgery, nurses say Moore was in good spirits and requested the sandwich he had left in the restroom where he collapsed.

The Michigan Standard apologizes for any stress yesterday's report may have caused Moore's family.

In either case, the world kept turning as usual due to his fat ass' gravitational pull. If only he would have died. Then we wouldn't have this shit. Woe is me.

Michael Moore
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