Charlie Hebdo

Charlie Hebdo is a crappy gov funded French satirical magazine managed by a bunch of oldfags that published ugly cartoons and made fun of Muhammed often enough to be firebombed and attacked at least 3 times in the past 10 years. It was made more than 100 years ago and for some odd reason, is still going on even today, mostly because it receives government funding and without it would slowly start to decrepit to finally meet its ineluctable fate.

On several occasions this bastion of free thought (although most of the time they have made fun of Christians and Muslims but very rarely of Jews because they know who is the big dick here) has published depictions of the prophet Mohamed, knowing full well that some Muslims take great exception to such depictions even when they aren't crude insults, as these ones mostly were. The Charlie Hebdo team scoffed at warnings of imminent danger, saying: "We are proud guardians of the Freedom Of Speech!"

One day, after a long pause, a giant cake wrapped in ribbons was delivered to the Charlie Hebdo offices. Everyone was delighted to see it. Then SURPRISE! gunmen jumped out, shot everyone dead, and ran away like pussies.

Everyone in the (Christian) west was offended that it was not possible to deeply insult the religion of religious fundamentalist terrorists and get away with it, so they all got together to hold hands in Paris and wear totally gay "Je suis Charlie!" t-shirts. In attendance were representatives from those havens of free speech and unfettered journalism Russia, Egypt, Turkey, Algeria and the United Arab Emirates. But no-one made a fuss about that, because, you know, ISLAM.

TL;DR: Despite warnings about what was fucking obviously going to happen, a bunch of jerks poked a wasp nest with sharp sticks, got stung to death, and everyone said it was the wasps' fault for being poked in the first place, disregarding the fact that wasps only exist to sting other things.

Why it's shitty and that you can't trust them

It has been widely known by analysts, intellectuals and observers in France that Charlie Hebdo is before anything an outlet for political leverage, dependant of government subsidiaries, and used by different influence groups to antagonize certain parts of the population and get them to fight with each-others. It is part of the whole Anti-Racism movement's armed arm of the 80's that was ruling France back in the day. While it's cool to laugh at religion, it is not OK when it's becoming a tool to divide a society in order to better rule it. Charlie Hebdo was once subversive and useful, but it lost it's virginity when it got bought back by l'Elizée's secret fund office under President Mitterand. And maybe even before that.

Reactions by Muslims till now

There has been many reactions by Muslims because no one should make fun of Mohammed for being a pedo those include:

2011 : Cyber rape in the ass and cocktail molotov

pwned

They got pwned by a fire bomb and they got their website haxed by 1337 Muslims after they made a special release named Charia Hebdo with Mohammed as Éditor in chief. After a good night of arab pwnnage with his pals at Charlie Hebdo, Charb left the office while still laughing at all the jokes he made. Only to come back the next day to discover CH office destroyed by a cocktail molotov and his website hacked, redirecting to a messianic website. That lead them to flee and take cover like a bunch of chimps wit cow-fever in the office of other newspaper Libération. It is believed that it could be an simulated attack to get insurance money and a publicity print in the while. Ironically, they were already calling it the 9/11 of Charlie Hebdo, oblivious of what's was coming up for them.

2012 : Charlie Hebdo stroke of a genius

Being the great trolls they are, they published leaked n00dz of mohammed during the time the American embassies were being bombed for the innocence of Islam movie, the French, being the pussies they are, made sure their embassies all over the world be surrounded by riot police, needless to say this plan really worked!

Another hacking attack on their website occured on september 19th, 2012

2015 : Charlie Hebdo terrorists attack

Not learning from past mistakes, they continued to make fun of Mohammed more than ever in a new batcave, unknown to the public to avoid further pwnage. Meanwhile some Sand Niggers, after have read a whole box of Charlie Hebdo back issues from the last two decades that they found in their newly rented accomodation, decided they were done with them. They then ploted an attack on CH new headquarters, and sucessfully conducted a full commando operation armed with kalasnikovs and a rocket launcher killing 12 people in the process. Editor in chief 'Charb' got killed among four other cartoonists and some fancy economy journalist. Of course, nobody gives a shit in the media about the two cops, the maintenance guy, the two journalists and the text corrector because only the death of old untalented frenchfag illustrators matters after all.

Talks are being held to choose the name of this event, probably 'One-Seven' because the French anglicizise everything.

Typical frenchfaggotry in the media - From left to right

Typical frenchfaggotry in the media - From left to right

• 
  Sharia in Libya: Weather is better than at Lile and we're less disturbed than in New York
• 
  Life of Muhammad: first part: beginning of a prophet
• 
  Muhammad being overwhelmed by fundamentalists: Hard being loved by idiots
• 
  100 lashes if you're not laughing
• 
  Killing in Egypt: The Koran is shit: it doesn't stop bullets
• 
  Typical CH headline
• 
  Untouchables 2: Don't mock. Muhammad, a star is born
• 
  A stupid film on Islam triggers fundamentalists' rage: Show us an intelligent one and we'll start World War 3
• 
  Killing at Hebron. Talmud is shit: your guide for the Holocaust business. Fan art trolling Charlie Hebdo (not actual CH front page)
• 
  An Arab licks the ass of a Jew
• 
  Pope in Paris: The French as dumb as the niggers
• 
  Finally a President's wife that doesn't tweet --I got my hands full!

Je suis Charlie

• Everybody reading the story wrong
  Everybody reading the story wrong
• 
  Dear enemies of freedom of speech, we're pissed: we won't stop drawing.
• 
  Awww.
• 
  NO! Our liberty thou cannot kill
• 
  In the twisted mind of palestine cocksucker Carlos Latuff, an attack launched by muslims is an attack towards muslims.

Moar trolling front pages

• 
  Oil: Enough mucking around! When do we go kick the Arabs' asses?
• 
  Finally we can say it: Hitler is super cool (Old edition when they didn't use to be shit)
• 
  The cross of happiness: thanks to my cross of happiness, I win at the lotery and I am never impregnated
• 
  Ass of a Jewish Girl: Does racism help to sell?: We'll tell you next week.

See also

• Old media
• Article about the first cyber attack and cocktail molotov
  
• Article on second cyber-attack on september 19th, 2011
  
• there shitty website - Warning! risk of cross fire casuality while visiting the website!
  

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Charlie Hebdo is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.