Registration has been disabled and the moderation extension has been turned off.

Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.

Bitcoin: Difference between revisions

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
← Older editNewer edit →
imported>Thatdog
imported>Killhamster
No edit summary
Line 1: Line 1:
{{potential}}
[[File:Buttcoin-infograph.png|thumb|right]]
'''Bitcoin''' is what would happen if [[reddit]] were allowed to invent their own form of money. While redditors certainly love Bitcoin, it was in fact invented in 2008 by a mysterious [[anonymous|pseudonymous]] [[libertarian]] going by the name [[azn|Satoshi Nakamoto]]. Bitcoin claims to be a peer-to-peer crypto[[money|currency]], which is a fancy way of saying it's the [[bittorrent]] of money. Bitcoin is well-known for being an avenue for criminality, especially in the sale of [[drugs]] and for money laundering, despite the fact that every transaction is publicly broadcast as part of its protocol. Bitcoin has built up an impressive following of [[neckbeard]]s, [[autists]], scam artists, and cultists over the course of its first six years of existence.


[[Image:Tia-strapon-asian.jpg|thumb|right|150px|The value of the bitcoin is [[pegging|pegged]] to [[AZN]]s.]]
== "Value" ==
[[Image:Bitcoin-plummet.gif|left|thumb|150px|A graph depicting the value of Bitcoin]]
Like other successful forms of money, the value of Bitcoin is measured in [[US]] Dollars and is obsessively monitored by [[basement-dwellers|failed day traders]]. Wide swings in value are not uncommon, in fact it's more unusual for Bitcoin's value to remain stable for more than a day or two. Originally, the value was hard to track, which led to the formation of virtual currency exchanges, the largest of which was the [[Magic|Magic: the Gathering Online eXchange]], or MtGOX for short. It was here that Bitcoin's "value", driven by insider trading and [[bot]]s, rocketed from a few cents to over $1200. Once it reached this lofty high, MtGOX announced that they were insolvent and closed down, essentially stealing or destroying thousands of nerds' "money". This process was imitated and repeated by numerous lesser exchanges and continues to this day. The current value of Bitcoin can be calculated by triggering a random number generator.


Bitcoin client claims to be a [[Jew Gold|peer-to-peer digital currency]]. Invented in 1995 by [[hacker|Neal Stephenson]], stolen by [[jews|cryptojew]] [[wapanese|Satoshi Nakamoto]], it was finally reborn as a viable scam by [[Bruce Wagner]] who currently holds a second degree Black Belt in Fraud irl, and along with Nvidia's marketing department approval it is considered to be one of the most successful Ponzi schemes on the Internet. [[Asspie]]s and [[jews]] alike are somehow tricked into joining the [[party van|party]], therefore perpetuating the scheme.
== Technical ==
 
The techincal details underpinning Bitcoin are all very [[bullshit|esoteric]] and needlessly complicated, mostly to satisfy its followers' sense of [[unwarranted self-importance]]. They consider this to be "elegant" when in reality it's mostly meaningless computer busywork that is overwhelmingly wasteful and pointless. Don't bother trying to understand it.
Here are some of the [[Virus|features]] that Bitcoin includes (copied from their shitty-ass website (bitcoin.org)):
* Bitcoins can be transferred between arbitrary nodes on the network.  '''Proof that the entire thing is a Jewish scam.'''
* Transactions are irreversible.  '''This means that scamming is really fun and easy, leading to lulz.'''
* Double spending is prevented by using a [[Circlejerk|block chain]].
* Transactions are broadcast within seconds and verified within 10 to 60 minutes.  '''All transactions are verified by Azns.'''
* Transaction processing and money issuance are carried out collectively through mining.
* Transactions can be received at any time, regardless of whether your computer is turned on or off.  '''This obviously means that Bitcoin is a virus that should be eliminated immediately, much like Delta Search.'''
 
It has been predicted that the bitcoin will eventually become currency of choice for mastermind hacker [[Julian Assange|Aulian J'ssange]], as well to [[Donate#BitCoin|support the luxurious lifestyle of jews in possesion of this wiki.]]
 
== Currency Value ==


To the extent that one cannot pay for a [[blowjob]] with bitcoins, except for perhaps from a [[gay]], [[Thai]], [[libertarian]] [[aspie]], bitcoins are worthless. Jews will point out that the exchange rate between bitcoins and US dollars is steadily increasing, dodging the fact that no one has ever purchased real [[sex]] via bitcoin, but this is a ploy to get your money.
{{quote2|Minning bitcoins liek a boss, making 3-4 dollars a day !|an early bitcoiner explaining the intricacies of Bitcoin}}


It has also been speculated by people who deal with non-pretend money, aka financial [[neckbeard|neckbeards]], that bitcoins have lesser real life day-to-day value then a really good turd pinched out at about 7:45am in the morning.  
=== Mining ===
[[File:Bigmess-bejj0.jpg.jpeg|An example of a Bitcoin mining rig|thumb|left]]
Mining is the act of letting a computer solve a complex, pointless [[math]] problem via a program downloaded from the Bitcoin overlords (known as "core devs"). It's somewhat like mining in [[WOW]] except you're wasting more time, effort, and energy for little to no reward. When your computer actually succeeds in solving one of these problems you are rewarded with a batch of coins, although the rate the coins are handed out on a whole is limited, is reducing over time, and you are also [[fail|competing]] against numerous [[botnet]]s. Unlike digging through sewage with a shovel hoping to strike oil, wasting your electricity on mining bitcoins is risky business as the value of these chocolate coins go up and down wildly and without reason like your [[bi-polar]] girlfriend going down on your best friend behind your back. You are probably better off installing whatever Call of Duty games came with your graphics cards and waiting for the next imaginary money bandwagon.  


Indeed, this can be best described with the scenario of sighting a homeless man holding out his cap on the footpath (sidewalk, for [[americans|americunts]]).  
[[File:Bfl-come-on-down-480x640.jpg|thumb|right|The infamous Butterfly Labs MiniRig]]
Originally, mining could be performed with any old CPU, but once the [[libertarian|libtard]]s, AnCaps, criminals, and other [[Ayn Rand|captains of industry]] latched onto Bitcoin, mining quickly became an arms race to build bigger, faster, better computers out of whatever garbage and junk they had lying around. Being a bunch of cheapskates, bitcoiners omitted anything not essential to mining,
which led to various fire hazards and at least one instance of heatstroke, after a bitcoiner took a nap next to his rig and woke up with [[retard|brain damage]].


You cannot give him bitcoins to begin with as;
[[retards|Budding miners]] can spend thousands of dollars on graphics cards that they zip-tie together like they're overzealous cops arresting protesters. These were quickly made obsolete by companies shitting out poorly designed [[Computer Science III|FPGAs and ASICs]], computers designed to do nothing but mine bitcoins and generate heat. Most of these were poorly built, leading to fires and [https://youtu.be/3iabWK8EIgc small explosions], when they even managed to power on. After a few weeks of using these, thousands of overburdened video cards were retired, since they couldn't mine anything and the electricity costs to run them 24/7 were prohibitive. You can now find these cards on [[eBay]] for full price and half-functionality.
*They're not even real. You cant mint [[fail]].
*He couldn't buy anything worth a fuck with them anyway, not even [[jews|soap]].


But, if you shit in his cap;
The rise of ASIC mining led to huge [[Chinese]] mining farms: warehouses full of miners that quickly made it impossible for regular bitcoiners to recoup any costs incurred by running up their parents' electric bills. They keep trying, however, cobbling together dozens of shoddy ASIC miners in an attempt to copy the Chinese. This, rather predictably, fails.
*He could bask in its warmth for a while and [[masturbate|forget his troubles]].
*He could make it into Jenkem and huff it.


Also, a lot of [[Retards|economics majors]] argue that the value of Bitcoin is a refutation of the Efficient Market Hypothesis, since it's a [[Skyrim|fucking puddle of afterbirth left over from a pregnant lesbian fingerfuck done by retarded shits who suck bears in the woods]].
== The Bitcoin Community ==


== Traders ==
[[File:Satoshi-bible.png|thumb|left|Not a cult.]]
While Bitcoin itself is a somewhat novel, if not kludgey solution to a problem that doesn't exist and is sort of interesting, the community that has built up around it is quite possibly the worst collection of people on the internet, a sickening combination of [[freep]], [[4chan]], [[reddit]], and worse. In their various hangouts and forums, they've managed to start what is essentially a cult around [[Jesus|Satoshi]], who can do no wrong despite not really being that great a coder. Satoshi himself has abandoned Bitcoin and its community after they ignored his advice to not donate to [[Wikileaks]] after [[PayPal]] shut them down.


[[Image:bitasspie.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Asspies wet dream cum true.]]
The Bitcoin community's primary driving force and favorite pastime is scamming each other and anyone else who happens to get in their way. Whether they're selling [[drugs]], [[Exploding Van|explosives]], or providing nebulous "services" that siphon money away from other suckers, bitcoiners have specialized in ripping each other off. Here are some of the luminaries who stand out above the rest:


[[Some argue|It is well known]] that bitcoins have practical value on the web enabling you to purchase lucrative goods such as T-shirts, bandwidth and gay-porn. [[Cool story bro|Currently the Bitcoin community is undergoing a major expansion with the urban myth of one aspie having managed to purchase a pizza using them]]. Such stories are highly speculative and experts are currently undecided whether such things have [[Lie|actually happened]].
{{cs2|notable_coiners|Notable Bitcoiners|
====[http://buttcoinfoundation.org/rogerverification/ Roger Ver]====
[http://www.justice.gov/criminal/cybercrime/press-releases/2002/verPlea.htm Convicted and imprisoned] for mailing explosives through the USPS. Operates what is considered the most successful Bitcoin business, which never met its sales goals. Assured everyone that MtGOX wasn't insolvent, right before they closed down and lost all the money. Renounced his US citizenship to live in a tax haven, then paid off his tax debt only to be denied re-entry to the US. Current status: living somewhere overseas, potentially stateless.
====Andreas Antonopoulos====
"Consultant" who seems to end up tied to every major scam or vanished exchange but conveniently manages to slip away with his reputation unharmed. Has terrible hair and a terrible voice. Thinks water has no intrinsic value. Paid large amounts of actual money to speak at sad, empty Bitcoin conferences.
====Charlie Shrem====
Started one of the earlier Bitcoin exchanges and was subsequently convicted of money laundering. Placed under house arrest for months so he made appearances at events as an iPad on a stick. Currently in prison teaching other felons how to use Bitcoin to break the law.
====Dorian Nakamoto====
Infamously (and incorrectly) named as the creator of Bitcoin by [[old media|Newsweek]] and doggedly pursued by reporters only to deny his involvement. Got a free lunch out of it.
====[http://www.wired.com/2015/04/silk-road-1/ Ross Ulbricht]====
Ran the first successful incarnation of the Silk Road under the pseudonym "Dread Pirate Roberts". Caught logged in to the Silk Road admin interface in a public library. Kept a ridiculously detailed diary of his crimes which led to his conviction. Currently awaiting sentencing.
====Blake Benthall====
Started and ran the second Silk Road until he was nabbed by the feds. Immediately confessed.
====Mark Karpeles====
Ran MtGOX (into the ground). Purchased the website from another clueless developer and manipulated it into being the largest, most successful Bitcoin exchange until its inevitable failure. Massive [[weeaboo]]. Lives in Tokyo with his cat and continues to work as a PHP dev. Tried to rewrite SSH with PHP.
====Logansryche====
One of Bitcoin's most prolific idea guys. Bitcoin's least successful ideas guy. Tries to make a living off of low effort scams or badly planned businesses that never pan out. Has an unhealthy love of the 1994 Ford Explorer.
====Atlas====
One of the original idea guys on BitcoinTalk. Founded the Bitcoin subreddit, attempted to sell it, and was promptly banned from reddit.|0}}


== Trolling ==
=== [http://thisisactuallygoodnews.com/ This is good for Bitcoin!] ===


Trolling the [http://www.bitcoin.org/smf/ Bitcoin forum] is easy. Just claim that Satoshi isn't [[Japanese]]. Because the bitcoin is [[pegging|pegged]] to [[AZN]]s, traders will vigorously defend his alleged ancestry, so as to protect their investment. Also, many traders espouse various flavors of libertarianism and [[anarchy|anarchism]]. Just cursorily review this [[libertarian|article]] and apply its contents on the forum.
[[File:BitcoinThingBad.jpg|thumb|right|BIT COIN YES]]
Bitcoiners have a propensity for considering any news, especially bad news, to be "good for Bitcoin". Things that are good for Bitcoin include but are not limited to: scams, Ponzi schemes, taxation, regulation, arrests, market crashes, high prices, low prices, stable prices, altcoin failures, exchanges disappearing, scammers running away with everything, Bitcoin adoption, Bitcoin abandonment, and global economic meltdown.


But the sweetest form of trolling is:
=== Trolling ===
#Create a market bubble
#Tell everyone to sell
#????
#Loss!!!


== Technical ==
Trolling bitcoiners is easy, simply disagree with them or explain all of Bitcoin's (numerous) flaws. They'll quickly build themselves up to a frothing rage, allowing you to sit back and laugh at them with minimal effort.


Nobody really knows, but according to [[security Faggotry|experts]]:
==== The Hole Seekers Hacks ====


{{quote2|bro if u leave ur computer it generated coins. itsss like prinitng monie!!i made 20 btc last month|IRC user explaining the intricacies of Bitcoin}}
Despite the ease in trolling bitcoiners, some people occasionally go above and beyond in tormenting the children at Bitcointalk. One such group was the Hole Seekers, a group who managed to compromise the forums not once, but twice. Initially one of them offered to help Theymos (the admin) in setting up and managing some of the forums' functionality, and built in a [[backdoor]]. Months later, when it was totally unexpected, the forums were modified to show popups of [[Bill Cosby]] all over, advertising [http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/zipzopzoobitybop.html CosbyCoin] and other such services. Theymos frantically shut down the forums and eventually cleaned up the mess. Two years later, they used the exact same backdoor, which was never closed, to [https://youtu.be/55oVgGJx_q4 deface the forums again]. This is the reason nobody on Bitcointalk can upload new avatars now, as Theymos can't figure out how to close the hole and instead just disabled avatars entirely.
 
As you can see, only the [[retards|highest caliber]] of [[jews|currency traders]] use bitcoins.
 
== Mining ==
Mining is the act of having your PC [[azn|solve some math problem]], via a program downloaded from bitcoin overlords. It's kinda like mining in [[WOW]] except you're still a faggot, which means it is exactly like mining in WoW.  When you achieve flawless victory you are rewarded with a batch of coins, although the rate the coins are handed out on a whole is limited and you are also [[fail|competing]] against a botnet mining outfit. Unlike digging up shiny gold nuggets with a shovel that are easily sold to the [[jews]], wasting your electricity on mining bitcoins is risky business as the value of these chocolate coins go up and down wildly and without reason like a bi-polar transvestite with a crack addiction, and jews cant make false teeth out of bitcoin yet (although the nazis would have figured out how to remove them with pliers). You are probably better off installing whatever call of duty games came with the graphics cards and waiting for the next imaginary money bandwagon.
 
[[retards|Budding miners]] can spend thousands of dollars on graphics cards chained together like niggers in order to winrar. With the absolutely massive price crash in the value of the bitcoin lately and the rate coins are handed out you can pick up good cheap graphics cards on ebay now. If you're lucky, you might pick up the probably awesome gaming rig that [http://www.belial.pt/permanent-brain-damage-from-bitcoin-mining/ gave some fucktard brain damage] via heatstroke trying to be a internet millionaire. A dozen [[shit nobody cares about|GPU]]'s around you in a circle can build up enough friction to shower your face in loving bitcoin, but if you'd like to be fucked slowly we'd recommend you use your CPU.
 
It has been rumored the entire mining operation is a scam in itself, with bitcoin users downloading not math crunching software, but a animated gif of a GUI from the Amstrad 8256 calculator program. The combined graphical power being [[raped|harnessed]] by bitcoin rulers is then sold in blocks of hours to ILM so they can cheaply add random tie fighters and they way Han Solo's [[vagina|crotch bulge]] was defined, "as George Lucas originally envisioned" in the upcoming Star Wars: [[sony|propriety format]] edition. This is actually not as far from the truth as you'd think.


== Why should you use bitcoin ==
== Why should you use bitcoin ==
'''Bitcoins are illegal, but we at ED are kind enough to dispose them for you.'''
[[Donate]]
If you are a honest [http://coinbits.com/silk-road-goes-down-for-the-weekend-btc-crashes/ drug dealer participating in the global market], or just batshit crazy libertarian then here's your chance to engage in your own subversive way and become a [[an hero|superhero]]. Now everyone on the net can be a real-life strongman from the safety of their computers. You can trade them for free meaning that you're now free to aquire '''even more''' [[Meth|gummi bears]].
Because the coins value is entirely derived from how much jews are spamming slashdot at the moment, the entire ponzi scheme is guaranteed $$$. Getting your grandma to invest her savings is a sure-fire way to infinite success, wealth and bitches. The entire pyramid is explained to be worth $103 mirrions, although Bitcoiners ''conveniently'' forget to explain that '''is not''' $103 mirrions of real monies.
With a sales pitch like that anyone is sold. Of course they also forget to mention that the cost of creating new bitcoins is more than the bitcoins themselves. The major sell of bitcoins is the ability to engage with other [[aspies]] forum whoring and trading your play-money for "goods". There's even talk of a convention to allow Bitcoiners to speculate on the identity of the creator while dressed as giant gold coins, or cross-dressing Japanese men.
== Why you shouldn't use bitcoin ==
* Some shit-eating German bitcoin forum member claims suckers gave him $500,000 to build a data center to mine bitcoins. 
* A programmer posting on Reddit emptied his bank account and maxed out his credit cards in March to buy [http://www.reddit.com/r/Bitcoin/comments/huvg8/this_is_how_much_i_believe_in_bitcoin/ $10,000 worth of mining equipment].
* [[Rick Falkvinge]], founder of the [[Swedish Pirate Party]], declared [http://falkvinge.net/2011/05/29/why-im-putting-all-my-savings-into-bitcoin/ he was putting all his savings into Bitcoin].
Value then [[at least 100 || > $100]] <br />
Value now  < $5


* Gold is backed by [[Ron Paul]], so it naturally follows that Bitcoin is backed by his [[rednecks|supporters]].
Don't.
* The entire thing is being manipulated by some shitty Wapanese company ([[mtgox.com]]) so they can buy more pr0nz.
* Since all transactions are [[Jewish|not reversible]], it's really easy to get spammed.
* As a result of this, Bitcoin is a tax on the stupid.


<center><gallery>
== Gallery of Awfulness ==
Image:BitcoinSell.png|A hypothetical situation proposed in [[Something Awful]]
{{cg|Everything about Bitcoin is terrible|buttgallery|center|<gallery style="text-align:center;">
Image:BitcoinSell.png|A hypothetical situation proposed at [[Something Awful]]
Image:BitcoinFall.png|Someone else did exactly that on Bitcoin forum.
Image:BitcoinFall.png|Someone else did exactly that on Bitcoin forum.
Image:BitcoinRevenge.jpg|People were thirsty for blood.
Image:BitcoinRevenge.jpg|People were thirsty for blood.
Image:hotbeach.png|[[Fan art]] depicting the value of the bitcoin.]]
File:Ron-Paul-bitbux.jpg|A user's tribute to [[Ron Paul]]
Image:buttcoins.jpg|/g/ demonstrates the [[Camwhoring|primary means]] of earning bitcoins.]]
File:Killthisdog.jpg|A successful Bitcoin marketing campaign
</gallery></center>
File:CamelCoin.jpg|Another successful Bitcoin marketing campaign
File:Roger-vers-dumb-billboard.jpg|An unsuccessful Bitcoin marketing campaign
File:Bitcoin-hanging.png|The results of unsuccessful Bitcoin marketing
</gallery>|<gallery>
File:Buttcoin-monopoly.png|A proposed new logo for Bitcoin
Image:buttcoins.jpg|/g/ demonstrates the [[Camwhoring|primary means]] of earning bitcoins.
File:Isthisgood.png|The answer is always "yes".
File:Ulbricht-sigh.png|Scenes from the Ross Ulbricht trial
File:Aantonophammer.jpg|Andreas "Why the fuck is he licking a hammer" Antonopoulos
File:Wuerkerbuttcoin.jpg|When all you have is a hammer...
File:DelonasBitcoin.jpg|Have you heard the good news?
File:AxUTiqX.gif|Current price of Bitcoin
File:Better-rigs-and-mining.jpg|Bitcoin Magazine
File:Cosby-bitcoin.jpg|Zip Zop Zoobity Bop
File:Bitcoin-myth.jpg|up uP UP!
File:MtGoxMagicCard.png|Nobody wins in this game
</gallery>|}}
 
{{cg|List of fire hazards|minergallery|center|<gallery style="text-align:center;">
File:The-Ghetto-Moneymaker-mod.jpg
File:Fans-6H8hW2O.jpg
File:Bitbucket-P1308513.JPG
File:Preserve-tQ78Zhk.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery>
File:Fans-xZZxWGJ.jpg
File:Icecubes-m20y9.jpg
File:Gpuracks2-VY2iC.jpg
File:Ku-bigpic.jpg
File:Lego-chimney-fFCjUyL.jpg
File:Knex-nDrWlmN.jpg
File:Cardboard-xrhjj.jpg.jpeg
File:4yWfRl.jpg
</gallery>|}}


== [[IRC]] ==
{{quote2|<@BlueMatt> raep3d: that means nothing, now stfu Im done with this crap|#bitcoin-dev is always helpful when inquiring about security}}
* [irc://irc.freenode.net/#bitcoin-dev #bitcoin-dev]
* [irc://irc.freenode.net/#bitcoin #bitcoin]
==See Also==
==See Also==
*[[Paycoin]]
*[[Paycoin]]
*[[Dogecoin]]
*[[Dogecoin]]
*[[Jewgold]]
*[[Silk Road]]


==External Links==
==External Links==
*[http://buttcoin.org ButtCoin]
*[http://brokenlibrarian.org/bitcoin/ the Bitcoin FAQ]
*[http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/12/28/bitcoin-is-evil/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=2 Paul Krugman✡ knows bitcoins are evil]
*[http://buttcoinfoundation.org ButtCoin]
<br>
*[http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/12/28/bitcoin-is-evil/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=2 Bitcoin is Evil]
*[https://bitcointalk.org/ BitcoinTalk], the "official" Bitcoin discussion forum
*[http://www.reddit.com/r/Bitcoin/ /r/bitcoin], the Bitcoin sub[[reddit]] where most of their [[raid|adoption drives]] take place
*[http://www.butwithbitcoins.com/ the Bitcoin Business Generator]
*[http://bitsim.beepboopbitcoin.com/ the Advanced Bitcoin Simulator]
*[http://bitcalc.beepboopbitcoin.com/ Bitcoin Mining Profit Calculator: Gaiden]
 
=== [[IRC]] ===
* [irc://irc.freenode.net/#bitcoin #bitcoin]
* [irc://irc.freenode.net/#bitcoin-dev #bitcoin-dev]
* [irc://irc.synirc.net/#buttcoin #buttcoin]
 
{{Money}}
{{Money}}


[[Category: Softwarez]]
[[Category: Softwarez]]
__NOTOC__
__NOEDITSECTION__

Revision as of 22:11, 18 May 2015

Bitcoin is what would happen if reddit were allowed to invent their own form of money. While redditors certainly love Bitcoin, it was in fact invented in 2008 by a mysterious pseudonymous libertarian going by the name Satoshi Nakamoto. Bitcoin claims to be a peer-to-peer cryptocurrency, which is a fancy way of saying it's the bittorrent of money. Bitcoin is well-known for being an avenue for criminality, especially in the sale of drugs and for money laundering, despite the fact that every transaction is publicly broadcast as part of its protocol. Bitcoin has built up an impressive following of neckbeards, autists, scam artists, and cultists over the course of its first six years of existence.

"Value"

A graph depicting the value of Bitcoin

Like other successful forms of money, the value of Bitcoin is measured in US Dollars and is obsessively monitored by failed day traders. Wide swings in value are not uncommon, in fact it's more unusual for Bitcoin's value to remain stable for more than a day or two. Originally, the value was hard to track, which led to the formation of virtual currency exchanges, the largest of which was the Magic: the Gathering Online eXchange, or MtGOX for short. It was here that Bitcoin's "value", driven by insider trading and bots, rocketed from a few cents to over $1200. Once it reached this lofty high, MtGOX announced that they were insolvent and closed down, essentially stealing or destroying thousands of nerds' "money". This process was imitated and repeated by numerous lesser exchanges and continues to this day. The current value of Bitcoin can be calculated by triggering a random number generator.

Technical

The techincal details underpinning Bitcoin are all very esoteric and needlessly complicated, mostly to satisfy its followers' sense of unwarranted self-importance. They consider this to be "elegant" when in reality it's mostly meaningless computer busywork that is overwhelmingly wasteful and pointless. Don't bother trying to understand it.

   
“ 		 
Minning bitcoins liek a boss, making 3-4 dollars a day !
  		„
  		 

—an early bitcoiner explaining the intricacies of Bitcoin

Mining

An example of a Bitcoin mining rig

Mining is the act of letting a computer solve a complex, pointless math problem via a program downloaded from the Bitcoin overlords (known as "core devs"). It's somewhat like mining in WOW except you're wasting more time, effort, and energy for little to no reward. When your computer actually succeeds in solving one of these problems you are rewarded with a batch of coins, although the rate the coins are handed out on a whole is limited, is reducing over time, and you are also competing against numerous botnets. Unlike digging through sewage with a shovel hoping to strike oil, wasting your electricity on mining bitcoins is risky business as the value of these chocolate coins go up and down wildly and without reason like your bi-polar girlfriend going down on your best friend behind your back. You are probably better off installing whatever Call of Duty games came with your graphics cards and waiting for the next imaginary money bandwagon.

The infamous Butterfly Labs MiniRig

Originally, mining could be performed with any old CPU, but once the libtards, AnCaps, criminals, and other captains of industry latched onto Bitcoin, mining quickly became an arms race to build bigger, faster, better computers out of whatever garbage and junk they had lying around. Being a bunch of cheapskates, bitcoiners omitted anything not essential to mining, which led to various fire hazards and at least one instance of heatstroke, after a bitcoiner took a nap next to his rig and woke up with brain damage.

Budding miners can spend thousands of dollars on graphics cards that they zip-tie together like they're overzealous cops arresting protesters. These were quickly made obsolete by companies shitting out poorly designed FPGAs and ASICs, computers designed to do nothing but mine bitcoins and generate heat. Most of these were poorly built, leading to fires and small explosions, when they even managed to power on. After a few weeks of using these, thousands of overburdened video cards were retired, since they couldn't mine anything and the electricity costs to run them 24/7 were prohibitive. You can now find these cards on eBay for full price and half-functionality.

The rise of ASIC mining led to huge Chinese mining farms: warehouses full of miners that quickly made it impossible for regular bitcoiners to recoup any costs incurred by running up their parents' electric bills. They keep trying, however, cobbling together dozens of shoddy ASIC miners in an attempt to copy the Chinese. This, rather predictably, fails.

The Bitcoin Community

Not a cult.

While Bitcoin itself is a somewhat novel, if not kludgey solution to a problem that doesn't exist and is sort of interesting, the community that has built up around it is quite possibly the worst collection of people on the internet, a sickening combination of freep, 4chan, reddit, and worse. In their various hangouts and forums, they've managed to start what is essentially a cult around Satoshi, who can do no wrong despite not really being that great a coder. Satoshi himself has abandoned Bitcoin and its community after they ignored his advice to not donate to Wikileaks after PayPal shut them down.

The Bitcoin community's primary driving force and favorite pastime is scamming each other and anyone else who happens to get in their way. Whether they're selling drugs, explosives, or providing nebulous "services" that siphon money away from other suckers, bitcoiners have specialized in ripping each other off. Here are some of the luminaries who stand out above the rest:


[-+]Notable Bitcoiners

Roger Ver

Convicted and imprisoned for mailing explosives through the USPS. Operates what is considered the most successful Bitcoin business, which never met its sales goals. Assured everyone that MtGOX wasn't insolvent, right before they closed down and lost all the money. Renounced his US citizenship to live in a tax haven, then paid off his tax debt only to be denied re-entry to the US. Current status: living somewhere overseas, potentially stateless.

Andreas Antonopoulos

"Consultant" who seems to end up tied to every major scam or vanished exchange but conveniently manages to slip away with his reputation unharmed. Has terrible hair and a terrible voice. Thinks water has no intrinsic value. Paid large amounts of actual money to speak at sad, empty Bitcoin conferences.

Charlie Shrem

Started one of the earlier Bitcoin exchanges and was subsequently convicted of money laundering. Placed under house arrest for months so he made appearances at events as an iPad on a stick. Currently in prison teaching other felons how to use Bitcoin to break the law.

Dorian Nakamoto

Infamously (and incorrectly) named as the creator of Bitcoin by Newsweek and doggedly pursued by reporters only to deny his involvement. Got a free lunch out of it.

Ross Ulbricht

Ran the first successful incarnation of the Silk Road under the pseudonym "Dread Pirate Roberts". Caught logged in to the Silk Road admin interface in a public library. Kept a ridiculously detailed diary of his crimes which led to his conviction. Currently awaiting sentencing.

Blake Benthall

Started and ran the second Silk Road until he was nabbed by the feds. Immediately confessed.

Mark Karpeles

Ran MtGOX (into the ground). Purchased the website from another clueless developer and manipulated it into being the largest, most successful Bitcoin exchange until its inevitable failure. Massive weeaboo. Lives in Tokyo with his cat and continues to work as a PHP dev. Tried to rewrite SSH with PHP.

Logansryche

One of Bitcoin's most prolific idea guys. Bitcoin's least successful ideas guy. Tries to make a living off of low effort scams or badly planned businesses that never pan out. Has an unhealthy love of the 1994 Ford Explorer.

Atlas

One of the original idea guys on BitcoinTalk. Founded the Bitcoin subreddit, attempted to sell it, and was promptly banned from reddit.

This is good for Bitcoin!

BIT COIN YES

Bitcoiners have a propensity for considering any news, especially bad news, to be "good for Bitcoin". Things that are good for Bitcoin include but are not limited to: scams, Ponzi schemes, taxation, regulation, arrests, market crashes, high prices, low prices, stable prices, altcoin failures, exchanges disappearing, scammers running away with everything, Bitcoin adoption, Bitcoin abandonment, and global economic meltdown.

Trolling

Trolling bitcoiners is easy, simply disagree with them or explain all of Bitcoin's (numerous) flaws. They'll quickly build themselves up to a frothing rage, allowing you to sit back and laugh at them with minimal effort.

The Hole Seekers Hacks

Despite the ease in trolling bitcoiners, some people occasionally go above and beyond in tormenting the children at Bitcointalk. One such group was the Hole Seekers, a group who managed to compromise the forums not once, but twice. Initially one of them offered to help Theymos (the admin) in setting up and managing some of the forums' functionality, and built in a backdoor. Months later, when it was totally unexpected, the forums were modified to show popups of Bill Cosby all over, advertising CosbyCoin and other such services. Theymos frantically shut down the forums and eventually cleaned up the mess. Two years later, they used the exact same backdoor, which was never closed, to deface the forums again. This is the reason nobody on Bitcointalk can upload new avatars now, as Theymos can't figure out how to close the hole and instead just disabled avatars entirely.

Why should you use bitcoin

Don't.

Everything about Bitcoin is terrible About missing Pics
  • A hypothetical situation proposed at Something Awful
    A hypothetical situation proposed at Something Awful
  • Someone else did exactly that on Bitcoin forum.
    Someone else did exactly that on Bitcoin forum.
  • People were thirsty for blood.
    People were thirsty for blood.
  • A user's tribute to Ron Paul
    A user's tribute to Ron Paul
  • A successful Bitcoin marketing campaign
    A successful Bitcoin marketing campaign
  • Another successful Bitcoin marketing campaign
    Another successful Bitcoin marketing campaign
  • An unsuccessful Bitcoin marketing campaign
    An unsuccessful Bitcoin marketing campaign
  • The results of unsuccessful Bitcoin marketing
    The results of unsuccessful Bitcoin marketing
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
  • A proposed new logo for Bitcoin
    A proposed new logo for Bitcoin
  • /g/ demonstrates the primary means of earning bitcoins.
    /g/ demonstrates the primary means of earning bitcoins.
  • The answer is always "yes".
    The answer is always "yes".
  • Scenes from the Ross Ulbricht trial
    Scenes from the Ross Ulbricht trial
  • Andreas "Why the fuck is he licking a hammer" Antonopoulos
    Andreas "Why the fuck is he licking a hammer" Antonopoulos
  • When all you have is a hammer...
    When all you have is a hammer...
  • Have you heard the good news?
    Have you heard the good news?
  • Current price of Bitcoin
    Current price of Bitcoin
  • Bitcoin Magazine
    Bitcoin Magazine
  • Zip Zop Zoobity Bop
    Zip Zop Zoobity Bop
  • up uP UP!
    up uP UP!
  • Nobody wins in this game
    Nobody wins in this game
List of fire hazards About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also

IRC

[RecessionInflation]
£€ Bitcoin is a part of a series on Money $¥
Companies

AdFly • Adobe • Amazon • Apple • AT&T • BDIC • Bell • Bitcoin • Burger King • Celestial Toystore • Comcast • Costco • Disney • DuckDuckGo • eBay • Ethereum • Fox News • GNWT • Google • Happy Madison Productions • IBM • IKEA • Microsoft • McDonald's • MTV • New Media Rockstars • Nintendo • Novell • Oracle Corporation • Patreon • PayPal • Sony • Sun Microsystems • T-Mobile • Verizon • Viacom • Wal-Mart • Wikia • Yahoo • YouTube

People

Bernie Madoff • Bill Gates • Chad Hurley • Gregory Kohs • Hal Turner • Hawk Tuah • Jews • Jimbo Wales • Klaus Schwab • L. Ron Jeremy • Larry Sanger • Lyor Cohen • Mario Laudicina • Martin Shkreli • Steve Chen • Steve Jobs

Ideology / Politics

Austerity • Bailout Plan • Capitalism • Communism • Globalisation • Government • Gun control • Health Care Rage • Iceslave • Judaism • Karl Marx • Obamacare • Ron Paul • Ayn Rand • Randroid • Socialist • Ronald Reagan • Welfare • Zeitgeist Movement • Zeitgeist - The Movie

Selling

Advertising • Bitcoin • Bribery • Extreme Advertising • Billy Mays • Porn Advertisements • Shamwow • Spam • Subservient Chicken • Winnebago Man • George Zimmer

Topics

419 Nigerian Email Scams • The Dot.Com Bubble • Economist • Economy • Foreign Girlfriend • Internet money • Jew Gold • Money • NFTs • Poor • Profit • Rape dollars • Scientology • Toilet Paper Hoarding • Unlimited disposable income


Retrieved from "https://edramatica.com/index.php?title=Bitcoin&oldid=165560"