Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now/October 25, 2023

Hauntings

A haunting is a spooky occurrence that happens when someone has been trolled so severely that, even in death, they linger in the form of a ghost. The cause of most hauntings are fishing line, creaky houses, and not calling a plumber when your pipes are fucked. Fortunately for gullible donglords, the lack of any actual ghostly presence doesn't disqualify a place from being haunted. Merely believing that a dead person is floating around watching them masturbate is sufficient to claim they are being visited by the other side. Appropriately, the people most likely to find themselves haunted are skittish white people who never stopped believing in imaginary friends and superstitious third world nignogs.

Occasionally an actual haunting will develop and promptly scare the shit out of anyone unfortunate enough to have to witnessed its large menagerie of physics-defying ghost-douchebaggery. Depending on the type of manifestations plaguing these unlucky assholes, they can look forward to disembodied voices, sentient shadows, residual weeping, self propelled objects, self-rearranging chairs, and if particularly fucked, physical attacks. Considered by ghost experts to be a form of reverse trolling, these activities are the result of a spirit that has realized that he or she is dead, and therefore can't be bothered to give anymore fucks. Typically these ghosts spend all their energy being an annoyance at worst. Excited for your morning jog? Let's see how excited you are to go dick around in the park after witnessing a floating translucent woman crying in your living room every morning.

Should you find yourself being haunted, don't panic. The very nature of hauntings require a ghost to stay put in the same place for all of eternity. Like a large population of the Internet, they are stuck and can never travel outside their disgusting dust covered lair, even if it's a Friday night when normal people are out enjoying themselves. An astute dramacrat such as yourself is free to torment the spirit however you see fit. They can't go anywhere. Ghosts will have to put up with everything you do to make their afterlife a figurative and literal hell. Seriously, go wild! Beat off on all their possessions, blare shitty techno music in their favorite bedroom, hang up photos of the person responsible for murdering them everywhere, and invite fellow minded friends to viciously taunt them. Ghosts can't do shit to stop it because they're fucking dead.

(( EEEEKKK!!!! IT MUST BE A GHOSTTT!!! ))

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