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Global Warming
Global warming, or climate change, is a liberal conspiracy devised by Al Gore, treehugging hippies, and the electric car industry in order to gain political and financial power and to create a new carbon tax. Some argue that no one has ever actually seen global warming, pointing to the fact that said hippies probably imagined it while on LSD. (Plus, don't forget that there were at least 6 or 7 ICE AGES over the course of Earth's history.) All we have to do is keep burning shit, and we'll have enough carbon dioxide in the atmosphere to really change things. In fact, if another Ice Age does occur, then warming the earth with emissions will help reduce the catastrophic temperature drop.
Last Thursday Al Gore finally lost the arguement by comparing Global Warming to Nazis. Seriously.
The supposed effects of global warming will not affect you in any way, so pollute as much as possible to troll the next generations.
Reversing Global Warming
- Scientists just found out the way to prevent the global warming - depopulate the world of niggers, because they are black and absorb light. White People reflect light. Reflected sunlight does not contribute to the greenhouse effect, unlike the heat energy emitted by dark surfaces heated by the sun. Reflected light means lower temperature means no global warming! Teh epic win for all.
- Stop recycling paper or cardboard. Every time you recycle these materials, you prevent a new tree from being planted on a tree farm, in place of the one that was cut down. Growing trees, making them into stuff, and then burying that stuff in landfills where it will never, ever degrade is a highly effective and time-proven method for geological sequestration. That's the liberal scientist term for removing carbon dioxide from the air, and burying it like a dog. Plus, the very thought of doing this seriously pisses off treehugging hippies, which is even cooler than ending global warming!
Predicted Effects
Predicted effects of global warming include the following:
- Earth's mean global surface temperature will increase by 1-6 degrees C. OH NOES!
- Sales of lawn furniture increase 300%.
- Hippie tree-huggers bitch about how Gaia is crying, meaning that things haven't gotten so bad that they stop bitching and get a job.
- The world's poor take it in the ass (figuratively).
- All mixed drinks come with little paper umbrellas, to keep them from evaporating in the hot sun.
- The world's poor take it in the ass (literally).
- Over 9,000 Katrinas will head toward New Orleans, all of which will look like fetuses.
- Furries will be even more uncomfortable in public.
- The United States will go to war in the Middle East for water.
- Al Gore will eat your children.
- Extra Polar Ice and Extra Arctic Ice will be available until the end of April and offer consumers ultimate freshness. Its true - believe it or not - this is straight from a Wrigley's Press Release!
- Air conditioner sales will skyrocket. (This proves that the Jews are a major figure in Global Warming, since most of them are known to own shows that supply air conditioners)
- Two generations down, God will send Noah down again in an Ark to save no one except the world's porn supplies and possibly a black person or two to work in Heaven's farms since the white man is getting lazy. Noah will deny entry to anyone, and it is speculated that the side of the Ark will have I DID IT FOR THE LULZ black person on the side of it.
- Since spiders grow slightly larger when the temperature is warmer, the world will be dominated by giant, bullet-proof spiders. No lie.
Planet Earth is alive
Some people think that Earth is like a giant living creature, and humans are viruses. So what happens when we have viruses? We raise the temperature to kill off the virus, then everybody is happy. There are slight problems with this theory.
a) The hippies are glad that earth will fix itself except they will all be doomed. b) We can nuke the shit out of Gaia.
Why Global Warming is Bullshit (contains science content and lulz)
- Carbon Dioxide is a PRODUCT of temperature change, not a cause.
- Greenhouse gasses form together at the troposphere, in theory, the rate of warming should be highest at this point, however, this is not the case.
- The Berlin Wall came down and the commies had to run and find a new guise.
- There is NO direct evidence linking Global Warming to anthropogenic greenhouse gasses.
- Every time a person buys a Hybrid, God cries.
- Al Gore will eat your children regardless.
- Pretty much anyone who does scientific research to question global warming gets blacklisted, unfunded, and/or attacked by green groups. So its not really science. Science functions from always trying to prove AND disprove a theory.
- The rise in temperature and carbon dioxide is due to a magical cycle noone can possibly explain.
- Global temperatures on Mars, Neptune and Europa have been observed and are also rising, which means that the link between Global Warming and Carbon Dioxide is bullshit.
- The Thermal capacity (or specific heat) of CO2 (about 0.8 J/(g*K)) is lower than that of air (about 1'ish J/(g*K)), meaning that pumping CO2 into the air will bring the thermal capacity down as the percentage of CO2 rises, not up. This is why in the 70's hippies tried to tell everyone industry would cause a big freeze in the 90's, and we all know how that turned out, don't we?
- Jews came up with the theory of global warming - 'nuff said. They even killed Michael Crichton (creator of Jurassic Park) because he wrote a novel (State of Fear) questioning it with scientific evidence.
- The vast majority of the greenhouse effect is caused by water vapor, not carbon dioxide.
Remember to point out these indisputable facts on message boards and forums regarding global warming for maximum lulz.
Carbon Dioxide: They Call it Pollution? We Call it Life! This video is a sure way to get leftist panties into a super-twist.
A bright side of global warming...BRING IT ON?
I don't think you have a pool. Enjoy your basement.
Why is there so much Global Warming/Climate Change fear mongering in the media??!!
Proof that Jews did Global Warming using Mainstream Media:
Dramalamadingdong cha cha cha
Global warming is a constant source of lulz and drama on the internets. The theory is that supporting the global warming theory (even if you don't know jack shit about it) will automatically add 50 or 60 points to your I.Q. and will put you in the same category as that raspy voiced wheelchair motherfucker who wrote that book about God fucking the Milky Way in its hole and making such an explosive cumshot that it created the universe.
The argument goes like this:
"Global Warming is like, so totally true because I saw Al Gore in a movie talking about it."
"Yes, but what about the rabid, heretical nature of the scientific community to denounce anyone who questions the validity of some of the findings and the absolutely insane methods suggested to combat it?"
"OMG U R LIEK A KNUCKLDRAGGER! YUR STUPIDD! U NEEDS TO BE BANNED LOLOLOLOLOL"
For maximum lulz:
- Go to a message board where the easily butthurt majority consider themselves misunderstood intellectuals (i.e. geeks).
- Start a new topic stating that you think Global Warming is fucking bullshit.
- Kick back with a Milwaukee's Best or PBR, and watch the lulz unfold before your very eyes.
New Zealand on Alarmism in Global Warming
Controversy
The so-called "threat" of global warming is actually ordained by God, providing the catalyst for the next stage of human evolution. Winds will run swiftly across the plains, ever-increasing, and Tonr - the furious one, of the shining paths - shall make his glorious appearance daily across all regions of the world. And where he strikes, magnificent rains will then immediately pour down to heal and rejuvenate the Earth. The weak shall tremble and be swept away by massive floods, and those disturbing the correct natural order will die horrifically at the hands of us who embrace the transformation and enhancement of this planet.
In November 2009 it was discovered that HACKERS ON STEROIDS had breached the Dog Curtains of the prestigious Climatic Research Unit in England and snatched up thousands of e-mails and other shit that revealed that greenfags had been cherry-picking and doctoring intel on the causes and effects of Global Warming to make it look worse than it actually was.
When the hackers dropped the dox right before the big UN 2009 Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen, giant brix were shat by everyone from old media to the blogosphere to butthurt Global Warming deniers to irate (and embarrassed) climate scientists in a shitstorm that became known as Climategate.
Scientists called bullshit but instead of denying the leaked info was tampered with by them, they BAAAWWWD about "the illegal taking of data" rather than address the data diddling charges. The Man responded by launching a criminal investigation of the server hax and subsequent personal threats made against the scientists mentioned in the e-mails. Meanwhile Faux News and co, were happy as pigs in shit because this all -naturally- meant that Al Gore was wrong and should return his Nobel Prize. Ironic, since the actual reason he is wrong goes uncommented on by all but a few tech geeks showing off e-peen and religious nuts looking for any excuse to keep shitting on the planet they believe was given to them by Space Alpha Monkey.
Additional Trolling Advice
There are other ways to troll global warming supporters. Playing the retard troll isn't always the best option. A good way to get maximum lulz here is to pose as a legitimate poster; make posts that seem legitimate, but are actually to incite drama. Global warming supporters are usually narcissistic cuntcakes thinking that they're better than Raptor Jesus because they're saving the world. Play on this ask them about their own electricity use and flame them for polluting the world. For even more lulz get contradictory evidence to global warming (www.icecap.us, www.friendsofscience.org) and a flame fest will ensue.
Another great way to troll is inform them that the total output of CO2 by the entire human population is only 3.5% of the yearly emission of CO2 (mostly Volcanoes and the 2.5 billion cows and sheep). Then raep them.
Related links
- User:Timvim/Mathematics_of_Climate_Change
- A complete list of things hippies believe is caused by global warming Over 9,000 Lulz inside.
- Join the virtual march and make a virtual difference today!
- World Jump Day harnesses the power of human jumping to change things for the better.
- watch this 75 minutes of epic lulz!
- The Church of Global Warming! 'nuff said.
- Why An Inconvenient Truth is complete and utter horse crap. shit will blow yer mind.
- An Inconvenient Omission: The globe hasn't gotten any warmer in the past 10 years.
