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India
India (Also Known as The Place Where You Get Off The Plane and Immediately Scream, "OMG! WTH? It Smells Like Fucking Shit!") is a subcontinent in South Asia, known by Westerners for its shitty movie industry named Bollywood, curry, doctor mills, elephants, pagans, trippy artwork, Gandhi, paki shops and the ever so helpful telemarketers. Jon Stewart warns others from visiting India (in his book "Democracy"), where you can catch any diseases that ever killed anyone.
Some regard India as an exotic and distant land whose ancient history is full of myth, wonder, and beauty. In reality, the history of India is a history of conquest - as in being subject to conquest. Over the millenia, various empires have had their turn at India-- Alexander the Great; Genghis Khan; various Muslim conquistadors to the west; China started up shit once or twice; and of course, England, who decided to stick around after trying out some of the tea.
Interestingly, while most countries gain their independence by churning out an eager generation of freedom fighters, India managed to shake off the yoke of the British empire due in large part to an old man in a toga. Of course this is bullshit, liberals love metaphorically rimjobbing Gandhi and his legacy but often forget to mention the shitloads of people the British killed (with Indian troops) cos they weren't gonna fight back, or the fact that India was already descending into anarchy and riots whenever there was an opportunity. Finally when did gain its own sovereignty, which was largely due to the British running out of ammunition and money, so too did Pakistan. The two countries have been in a perpetual pissing contest over everything from religion to just plain trolling ever since.
India is one of the few countries in the world with the distinction of having nukes. But then again, so does Pakistan, which is a lot more Islamic, and a lot less fun. Naturally, the underlying nature of their rivalry becomes clearer when you consider that they were the same country 60 years ago, and that most of the drama between the two of them is over them both claiming a stretch of worthless, uninhabitable mountains in the name of national pride. Thus calling an Indian a Paki is akin to calling a Jew an Arab. It is therefore, an extremely good source of lulz. Also having the dubious honor of sharing a border with India is Bangladesh, who India liberated from Pakistan only to look down upon it like a retarded step child. Then there's China, who zerg rushed (seriously, they didn't see it coming!) India in the 60s and took a chunk of territory the size of Switzerland, which India is still butthurt over. So all in all, one can say India has good relations with its neighbors.
Currently India's most severe problem is a continuing health catastrophe caused by the fact that poor people defecate all over everything because there aren't enough toilets (srsly). This can happen to any once-proud culture after being sufficiently raped by the forces of predatory economic globalization.
Of course, India is also the world leader in tech support, so it must first solve the problems of confused midwesterners who can't figure out what the hell is wrong with their computers before it can even think of solving its own. Its massive workforce must sit in waist-deep muddy water and try to figure out why some redneck can't get his internet to work while fending off basketball-sized rats, all between malaria-induced seizures.
The Indian armed forces are greatly respected by the general public in India. Ever year, over 9000 women in India offer themselves to the troops as a sign of respect.
Indians love comparing themselves to their big brother, China, and think that they are better. In reality however, China rapes India at everything. Everything. Their economy is 4 times bigger than India's, and their average citizen earns 3 times as much. They have 200 million more people, which means that they can zerg rush a country much better. Chinese people beats Indians in school grades, video games, sport performance, mass production, and business. China has a longer and more prosperous history, being the world's superpower at least 3 times (and they are on their way for the 4th time). India, on the other hand, have either been split into multiple tiny countries that fight on a daily basis, or been conquered by stronger countries looking for a large, cheap labor force. But wait, India does have a higher population density, but is that really something to be proud of?
INDIA FTW
Bollywood after First Gulf War
It is by order of Allah (Azn mod), that every Bollywood film MUST feature Women with too much hair (arms, lips etc), men who look western enough to maybe crossover into mainstream media and both sexes singing piss-poor songs. Physical contact and unclothed flesh must never be seen, OH NOES! Suprisingly, these drawbacks do not affect Bollywood (Gollywoggywood, amirite?) viewing figures, and they consistently draw crowds of up to 14 people.
Bollywood is a the Indian equivalent to Hollywood if you haven't already figured that out (PROTIP: It's a portmanteau of Bombay and Hollywood). If you thought that Hollywood was suffering from the same old unoriginal, plagiarized, recycled, boring, banal, retarded, melodramatic, predictable, cookie cutter, PG-13 films - than you may be grateful that, at least, it's no where near as bad as Bollywood films. Vast majority of indian movies are rip offs of hollywood movies. On the bright side, many lulz can be had (even if they are for the wrong reasons).
Another totally NOT gay scene from Bollywood. This is an Indian parody of outright stupid Indian films in general, but the film itself was ironically no better. Apparently this also ripped off from a Swedish film:
Indian actresses and actors are best known for their horrible acting and fake american wannabe accent. Majority of indian actresses are whores who get paid to wear slutty outfits and provide good fap material to nerdy indians. Basic qualifications to become a professional actor in Bollywood are having no talent,fake american accent and a face that attracts illiterate indian whores and fags.
Indian Television
On season 1 of some show that rips off a shit NBC show in the US, the bitch who hosts the show decided to hit a contestant and got fucking clocked right back like she deserves.
When Indians Play Video Games
When Indians Play Pop Music
Trivia & Other Useless Facts
—Chuck Summers, reporter from Grand Theft Auto- Vice City Stories | ||
— Anith Rama-something chained copypasta, showing off Indian Pride by using traditional Indian Software - Microsoft Powerpoint | ||
- Indians worship monkeys.
- India is the world's largest, oldest, continuous civilization. Might it therefore automatically be the best civilization?
- Indians accept that they are asian when it is about math.But not when it is about penis size
- Indians think their accent is cool.But everyone else know that it is fucking annoying.
- Despite being a country where one third of the population suffers from poverty, India has some of the
bestbetterworst food in the world. Even curry is the national dish of Britain (yeah, and everyone knows how good the brits are at choosing food), though most of the white English natives who eat it would like to deport all the minorities anyway.
- India, like the Chinese, have their own amazing "traditional" medicine, known as Ayurvedic medicine, notable for introducing the world to mercury and lead based medicines.
- Also like China, India boasts a population of over 1 billion people. However, because most of the marriages there are prearranged by the families, there is automatically no passion and love to begin with, unlike in a regular marriage when you realize that after turning fat and bald.
- Indians invented the very first
RTSgame known in English as "chess". Chess is turn-based, moron, you have been doing it wrong.
- Before Islam arrived and introduced the concept of shame to India, Indians were disgustingly shameless heathens and actually wrote the Kamasutra, which isn't a cook book in case you didn't know.
- The four great principles of life are "Kama", or pleasure (broadly conceived - includes art and video games); "Artha" or pursuit of wealth and social standing; "Dharma", or finding your life's destiny - religion and all that; and "Palma", or Fapping.
- India is the birthplace of Yoga and is to blame for all those pretentious celebrities and yuppies who go to yoga classes and encourage "stretching" instead of actual exercise, adding to the West's obesity epidemic.
- Indians are proud of and will often tell you that India invented the zero, though
they do not seethe irony in this is inconsequential.
- Indians being non-white minorities outside India identify with hip-hop and rap culture, and think adding S's and Z's after every word makes them coolerz, which makes for awesome sounding nicknames such as Shazz(y), Jazz(y), Sams, Sazz, Kizz, Dipz etc.
- Liberals actually believe Gandhi and civil disobedience liberated India. (PROTIP: The British had no bullets after pwning Hitler.)
- Prostitution is legal in India but pornography isn't.
- All Indians are desperately afraid of anti-perspiration deodorant. Deodorant killed several Hindu gods and led to the domination of India by Muslims. Not wearing deodorant also allows an Indian to remember the delicious curry they had for dinner last night, as it seeps out of their pores.
- In India, they worship over 330 million different gods. However, if none of them are for you, simply head on over to your nearest Make-Your-Own-God temple, where you get to decide what your god stands for, think up a name, decide how many arms it will have, and think up a bunch of new chants to appease it.
National Sports
- Telemarketing
- Whinging
- Pissing Off Everybody
- Burning Effigies
- Crapping Everywhere
- Raping Mad Cows
- Posting (Boasting) on the interwebz
- Taking Over Everything
- Coming to more civilized countries that aren't buried in ten feet of crap and raping everyone of their jobs
- Worshipping Elephants with 20,000 Arms
- Applying bleaching cream
How to troll Indians
- Say anything good about Pakistan, anything at all.
- Tell them they look like skinny Nigras with straight hair
- Tell them that IT superpower and cricket superpower were not original power levels until they invented them
- Ask them if they have access to toilets back home while simultaneously holding your nose, if they reply in the affirmative, ask them if they have heard of deodorants.
- Tell them Kashmir belongs to Pakistan.
- Tell them the British colonisation was the best thing to ever happen to India.
- Ask them their opinion of Hitler wait for their approval of him as a fellow Aryan before lulzily reminding them of his gassing of four lakh Gypsies from India.
- Ask them how Indra, God of Heaven, rode an Elephant through the clouds, when the Elephant clearly had no wings.
- Remind them that over 9000 Bollywood actors don't look Indian at all
- Insist that their Caste system is worse than Apartheid.
- Ask them why any sane person would reject a tasty cowburger.
- Ask if the world was created as a result of Kali (some Hindu goddess) fucking Shiva (some Hindu god) in his butthole with a strapon, and if so, how much lube they think it took.
- For people from the North of India: Suggest that Tamils (people from the south) are beautiful and intelligent and far more friendly than anyone from the North.
- Suggest that Pakistan is developing more quickly into a true modern nation. (This isn't true , but it pisses them right off nonetheless)
- Suggest that Urdu is an infinitely more beautiful language than Hindi.
- Ask them about "Shivlinga" and aboout them idolizing a dick of god shiva inside a vagina of godess parwati, and milk dropping representing cum. Shiva also had another affair with ganga and smoked weed all the time.
Famous Indians or People of Indian Ancestry
- Buddha
- Daler Mehndi
- Sanjaya
- Ghandi, famous for marrying a 13 year old girl and no other reason
- Kahn Noonien Singh
- Deepak Chopra
- Sanjay Gupta, American Surgeon General. (see video)
- The doctor that delivered you from your mother's insidious, malformed loins
- NawlinWiki
Gallery of Indian Culture
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Pictured: An hero
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![M. N. Vijayan [1]](/images/thumb/a/ad/HHNNNNNNGGG.gif/120px-HHNNNNNNGGG.gif)
M. N. Vijayan [1] -
Brown people destroyed the scene
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Vest saede burro! -
While not well known, Indians do have a colorful sense of humor. -
An Indian woman with a 'bindi', otherwise known as a 'cum-target'. -
Indians are dedicated to their work.
![M. N. Vijayan [1]](/File:HHNNNNNNGGG.gif)
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1 billion people - sex education X sporadic abortion clinics = lol wut -
An Indian ventriloquist and his puppet. -
A Hindu temple before the Islamic barbarian invasions. -
Could that be...? Surely not. -
Is that some sort of clown car? No it's Indian public transport. -
A role model to all Indian people because he runs a convenience store. -
Not to be confused with this kind of Indian. -
Connected -
A typical day in the life of Indian students -
India distilled -
Indian Railways -
Indian Railways -
Indian Trailer
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Indians love trees. -
Indian police Hobby
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India's huge drinking problem.
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Bicycle disguised as a bike.
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Microsoft outsourced call centre.
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Boss Cow takes a whole fuckin lane.
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Pakistan terrorized the fuck out of India's main transport system.
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Ganya,ishlya,pakya,dhamya,chamya,chinkya on their 6 seater Luna motor-cycle.
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Senior Indian Doctor in a Intensive Care Unit.
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How every Indian kid have been schooled - Driver goes for a quick paan(chewing tobacco).
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How an Indian shows affection towards his wife.
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Busy Autowalah.
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Indian Poncho.
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A shaggy hero of desi MILF's generation.
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Jainism - A Swine Flu Ready religion.
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Malegaon's Malnutritioned Superman. -
Shakti Kapoor is known serial Rapist and a role model. -
No Truck, No Problem.
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Vimanika Shastra - A flying craft made after reading the ancient vedas.
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See also
- Afghanistan
- Asia
- China
- Faking News
- HOW CAN SHE SLAP
- Pakistan
- Jai Maharaj
- JiZZy: Pakistan
- Ricki Raven
- Tunak
- White Castle
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India is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |
