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Bad Dragon

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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This picture simultaneously makes me LOL hard and shudder in revulsion. I'm twelve years old and what is this I don't even...
 

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—DavidFailkips

Bad Dragon was introduced to Encyclopedia Dramatica on July 19th 2009, much to the horror of EDiots who thought they had become desensitized to all things offensive and gross.

Bad Dragon is operated by the same kind of sick fucks who runs Zeta Toy. They sell grotesquely oversized dildos that only fit into the overstretched and overused assholes of gay men. Why one would want a penis the size of a baseball bat inside him is beyond the comprehension of the mundane - perhaps they are compensating for something.

Bad Dragon dildos are mostly shaped after dragon penises, bringing a whole new meaning to "FUCK YOU I AM A DRAGON!!!" Bad Dragon is also working hard on giving birth to more furry abominations such as dildos shaped after dolphin, dog, and horse penises.

On an average day, Bad Dragon sells at least 100 dragon penises to plug furry and otherkin assholes worldwide. Dragon dildos have even become a meme across 4chan boards including /v/ and /g/ due to toe sheer amounts of homosex in said boards.

What Is This Gay Shit

Bad Dragon is a company that sells dildos of fantasy creatures/animals on their website located in a neglected tube of the internets. The animal/dragon-molesting faggot who founded this shit goes by the name of Jan Mulders, who was most likely molested as a child. Mr. Mulders loves cocks/dildos of every shape and size imaginable, which is why Bad Dragon toys grow in size and perversion with every release (Mulders personally tests each product, and his asshole only gets wider each time, hence the next toy has to be even bigger than the last to fill that gaping hole).

For the average user (AKA mundanes), Bad Dragon products cause an immense amount of butthurt (literally); to counter this, Mr. Mulders offers Bad Dragon-branded lube that was most likely made using his own cum, mixed with dog urine and horse saliva. This original formula works surprisingly well, and Bad Dragon-brand lube is highly rated by all the furfags who use it (most likely as a food additive).

About a year ago Bad Dragon decided to make a dragon vagina toy called The Dragoness (a very original title), which has since then become a best seller - a very surprising fact, considering that 99.9% of the furry fandom are faggots. The only plausible explanation is that the 0.1% of furries who are straight, but cannot get a girl friend (because they are furries), had to buy this toy to ease their lonely heterosexual existence in the furry faggotdom.

The Creator: Jan Mulders

Jan Mulders at Anthrocon.
File:Varka dragon.jpg
What Jan Mulders imagines himself as.

Jan Mulders is a furfag and an otherkin - he, like everyone else on the Bad Dragon staff roll - believe he's a dragon who can't show his true powers to the mundane (but is free to spread his gayness and STDs to the rest of the world, no problem)

Jan Mulders likes cock, in every possible shape and size. He is known for saying "I LOVE THIS! I CAN'T WAIT TO MAKE IT WORK!" to Bad Dragon forumers who come up with a new toy design (usually very shitty concepts accompanied by very shitty drawings, if any), then never making the toy happen (because his cock attention span is about 5 seconds - and furfags on Bad Dragon forums come up with new shitty designs every 5 seconds).

Other Furfags

Because of the huge number of furfags buying his toys, he has hired a ragtag team of employees going by the aliases of Athus, Narse, Raith, Kamo, and SemJay. They allegedly have a secret base of faggotry in Phoenix, Arizona to help him make their butthurt inducing toys. On their forums, they have also hired a baby stick wielding mod known as "Runa" to act as a lame excuse for customer service and stop the furfags making too much drama on the forums (Runa was fired for being an asshat to all the customers and for being too gay, even by furry standards). Examples of these neglected attention whores that stir shit and try to be internet tough guys go by the aliases Dimi, Tigris, SSWildcat and MasterKovax.

MasterKovax, the biggest shit stirer, even had the pleasure of making Runa admit he was an internet bitch:

"Go and tell the mod. He will totally be on my side." - Runa

And when everyone agreed with Kovax, of course Runa was the only one butthurting.

On August 3, 2010, an announcement was made stating that Runa has been fired from his position within Bad Dragon. This resulted in much butthurt from Runa's faggot butt buddies, and lulz for everyone else who knew all along that he was an attention/drama whore who can't keep a civil mouth for more than two minutes.

The Toys Themselves

Bad dragon makes several crimes against nature using their patented nearly indestructible silicone, including tentacles, dragon cocks that shoot fake semen (which makes furfags retarded enough to eat it vomit rainbows) and grotesquely huge toys that Goatse would struggle to take. The fags who pay for these overpriced toys will void their 5 year warranty if they happen to place the toy in their mouth, vagina, anus, or take it out of the box it was shipped in. It must therefore be concluded that Bad Dragon products are for display purposes only. Negative reviews and requests for refunds will result in your being b&.

   
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since you've already used the toy, we can't resell it, we can't keep it, we can do nothing with it, we'd just have to destroy it, and that would be a huge waste.
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—Runa backing up their 5 year warranty

The "Sharing Experiences" Forum

DO NOT WANT!!!! If you clicked that, you are probably a fucking furfag.

To make a long story short, this is where the sickest fucks on the internets come to share their "intimate experiences" with their smelly, shit-stained sex toys. To make matters worse, many of these faggots post explicit photos and even videos of them fucking their toys. Most of them weigh 400 lb. Yes they are naked in these photos. Yes they are showing you their assholes.

Why do these faggots do this shit? Aside from trying to feel less lonely in their lives (sex toys are the closest they are ever gonna get to having real sex)? Yes, you guessed it. It is because when they post a review, they get a $5 discount coupon for their next purchase from Bad Dragon.

Yes, I said $5.

What Bad Dragon wants you to think about when using their products

See Also

Bad Dragon is part of a series on

Furfaggotry

Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.

Bad Dragon is part of a series on

Sex

Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.

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