DOS game

A DOS game is a game from at least one hundred years ago. Many people claim that these "games" were better than the modern games of today. Though some are good, like the Monkey Island series, most of them either just plain suck ass or have eye/ear-searing graphics/sounds.

Seriously, this was groundbreaking?!

Main DOS Games

Everything after the first three games: "BETRAYAAAAAAAAAAL!".

Doom: The only good shooter for DOS and Windows 95. Also known for having a soundtrack that rips off every metal band ever.

Monkey Island 1 & 2: Hilarious point-and-click adventure games that you should (for serious) check out. You can even drown yourself!

Betrayal at Krondor: One friggin soundtrack that was remixed for different towns. Also spawned a novel series.

Wolfenstein: See shit.

Corridor 7: A game that possibly doesn't exist, and can only be loved by the most pretentious pseudo-intellectual in the world.

Operation: Body Count: The authentic counter-terrorist experience, right down to using a shotgun as a backup weapon and the hell rats.

Blood: No, wait, the OTHER good shooter.

Magic Carpet: YOU'RE A BADASS SANDNIGGER HADOUKENING BEASTS OUT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING SKY ON A GODDAMN MAGIC CARPET! WHAT IS THERE NOT TO LIKE ABOUT THIS GAME? BESIDES, IT'S A FUCKING BULLFROG GAME. BULLFROG, PEOPLE!

Duke Nukem 3D: A game starring a guy who kicks ass, takes names, and occasionally murders babies. This is the OTHER OTHER good shooter for DOS.

Blake Stone: An epic quest for a crack rock.

Heretic: DOOM with elves, for halfwits and assholes who couldn't really play D&D.

Hexen: A heinously pixelated sequel to Heretic. For people who are tired of shooting things in the face and would rather go through tons of dungeons, trying to find a key that ends up being invisible. With that said, it has pretty good gib deaths.

Without a doubt, much neckbeard semen has been spilled over this title screen.

Dungeons & Dragons Gold Box series: Ancient precursor to Baldur's Gate and other modern PCRPGs, these catered primarily to friendless neckbeards, who had no one with whom they could play Dungeons & Dragons IRL.

X-Com: UFO Defense: Originally called UFO: Enemy Unknown in Europe before being released as XCOM outside of the UK. You commanded an organization of gun-toting marines who had to fight off a plasma-toting coalition of aliens, as you stole their UFOs, their guns, and their brains while harvesting moar Elerium-115. Was actually a sadistically challenging game assuming you didn't save every single turn, and reload the second your squad got wiped out by a stray Blaster Bomb.

System Shock: A boring game about Hackers and stuff, TL;DR stuff is everywhere written by the small group of people who have actually played it. Still better than Bioshock, though.

Brain Damage

It is commonly known around gaming communities that DOS games can cause brain damage, due to the terrible amount of bad techno riffs, repetitive explosions, lack of colors that aren't magenta, brown and grey, and screeching PC speaker sound. Play at your own risk. People who play this sort of game will give you a long, complicated argument as for why they play them, such as WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT I PLAY SO MUCH! JUST BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE MODERN GAMES LIKE THE REST OF YOU DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD BE RACIST AGAINST ME! I LOVE OLD DOS GAMES BECAUSE THEY HAVE HEART AND SOUL, WHILE GAMES LIKE THE DARKNESS ARE JUST ABOMINATIONS AGAINST MANKIND! YOU'RE SO IGNORANT!

Of course, anyone with half a brain knows that these people are just misunderstood or just wise, historic people.

External Links

• A site for all your shitty, obsolete gaming needs.

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