Scientology Speedrunning
Just when you thought you've seen or heard everything, Lord Xenu, looking to further his battle against the $cientologists that keep him tethered up in his intergalactic prison, if $cientology were a real religion we'd make a comparision to the Archangel Michael and Satan but it isn't, hatched a genius plan.
Recently Lord Xenu was able to release himself from his electronic, wire-cage mountain trap (Seriously???) just long enough to put the idea of Speedrunning through the Church of Scientology Information Center in Hollywood, Los Angeles, California in the mind of TikToker isDurpyy while filming himself running through the halls of the building screaming his powerful name Xenu to strike fear in all of the $cientologist's hearts. The idea that Lord Xenu implanted in isDurpyy's mind is if people will watch someone on Youtube beat Super Mario 69 in less than 5 minutes, just think of all the views you'll get running through a Scientology building with your Dick hanging out.
Like all great ideas on the internet that get a lot of views and likes, Swhileyy wanted some of that sweet, sweet instant E-Fame and did a collaboration video with isDurpyy and on March 31, 2026 they did a video where they ran through the same $cientology building.
The video garnered over 90 million views on TikTok before $cientology's well paid and Scarey lawyers had it removed.
So 90 million views equals, we guess, 0 E-pussy unless you're counting a Japanese Hentai Anime and your Sister's skin moiturizer.
Like all great things that someone else's Genius has brought forth such as The Drive Thru Restaurant, The Batman Arkham Series and the Prison Shiv, everyone and their Mother is looking to capitalize on this trend by imitating it because views and likes on a social site is more important than doing something more important in Life like maybe getting a Girlfriend or moving out of their Mother's basement.
Let's Get Straight To The Good Stuff
Since $cientology is having videos taken down from TikTok and Youtube faster than You can finish 2 large New York style Pizzas and saying that these raids aren't happening despite their taking the outside handles off of the doors or chaining the inside doors (uh where's the fire marshal on this) of all their buildings and requiring that people be let in to their buildings after flashing a wad of Cash so we thought that we'd go straight to the best invasion before these things devolve into people getting inside the building, painting their Asses with ink and pressing them up against the walls and windows.
Oh Shit! How much do you want to bet that someone's going to read this and do it?
Probably the best and what will most likely be pinnacle of the Raids happened in May of 2026 when more than 20 Christian dwarves raided the Scientology headquarters in Los Angeles looking for Tom Cruise because, the dwarves all being gymnast height, at or less that 4'8" or 142.25 centimeters if you're one of those European or Azn fags. Don't worry about Africans or South Americans. They can't count past to 3.
Both the Dwarves and Tom Cruise being under 4'8", I really see a Cease and decist order from Tom Cruise. We'd say that we'd keep it as a piece of memorablia but they're about as rare as a warrant being served against the Catholic Church to look at their servers for Child Porn.
Once more the Dwarves all being under 4'8" like Tom Cruise felt that they would be able to make friends with Tom since they both have to have conversations with people's Crotches. Hoping to convert Mr. Cruise to the side of Christ, the dwarves ran through the Scientology headquarters in Los Angeles looking for him.
As can be expected, the dwarf raid ended when Scientologists called the Cops and not wanting to be a Dwarf in Jail because it puts you at that perfect height where they wouldn't have to be forced down on their knees because Bubu wants to Fuck someone's throat, everybody made a run for it.
Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, And Heart - Scientology Summons Their Lawyers
As these raids start to increase because what starts out as Cool event, every Loser with a self-esteem problem has to go and ruin it because they have to be like that Nigger that goes around Washington, D.C. knocking people out while his friend films him on their phone and then gets caught because he uploaded this shit to TikTok and someone that knew him ratted him out for $2,000.
Seriously. You would not believe how many Times that his has actually happened.
See Also
- Storm Area 51 - more or less the same shit but with Area 51.
- Project Chanology
