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Laura Loomer

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Laura Elizabeth Loomer is a hook-nosed Christ-killing reporter for The Rebel Media who was formerly employed by James O'Keefe's Project Veritas.


Early life

Laura was so fat as a child, she was forced to eat in solitude - every meal. Probably because they were afraid she would eat the other children. In her interview with the Jewish Daily Forward, Loomer says she got clowned on as a kid for being a morbidly obese piece of shit with a large hook nose and every other student was so repulsed by her presence that she was forced to eat in solitude during every meal.

   
“ 		 
I ate every single meal by myself for an entire semester
  		„
  		 

— Source

Loomer's kike dad raised her to identify as “ethnically, culturally and politically Jewish” yet she gets pissed anytime someone brings up the fact that she behaves like a stereotypical Jew.

Julius Caesar Play Disruption

Laura Loomer hates liberal snowflakes and is a free speech advocate, which is why her claim to fame is when she bravely shut down a Trump-themed stage performance that depicted the president in a negative light. As Loomer was being arrested for trespassing and disorderly conduct, her and a prominent gay rights activist, Jack Posobiec, can be heard shouting, “You're GERBILS! YOU'RE ALL GERBILS!”



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Crowdfunding

After her brush with the law, Loomer decided that she couldn't afford her nominal disorderly conduct fines and set up a GoFundMe page to act as a legal defense fund. This campaign raised over 13,000 dollars that was never ultimately spent on any legal activities; instead, Loomer decided to spend all her sucker beta-orbiter fans' money on a nose job (because she's a proud Jew and totally not ashamed of her Jewish features).

Pedophilia

Loomer was spotted in public recently at a local college bar and a high school senior snuck in with one of his friends. Video has surfaced of Laura making unwanted sexual advances toward the minor in question.



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TireGate

People on the right-wing rim started getting tired of Loomer, since bitch didn't do shit since the Shakespeare in the Park drama, her popularity quickly becoming flat - she needed to make new threads, exposure makes the wheel go round, so she took to Twitter and claimed that Alt-Right neo-Nazis tracked her down and slashed her one tire. But only the one.

600000 BC
Man invents fire
|
9500 BC
Man invents the wheel
|
2006 AD
Twitter is created
|
2017 AD
Laura Loopy Loomer uses the first wheel on twitter to burn her own career



Anyone with half a brain cell immediately recognized that the tire was ruptured and cracked due to dry-rot because it was a six year old tire.



After finding out nobody believed her totally legit hate crime story, Loomer began lashing out at fellow e-celebs and condemning them for not defending her wife's son tire.

See Also

  • The Rebel Media - Her employers, somehow this bitch gets paid to spread her nonsense
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