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Conficker

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F-secure, March 31, 2009: "Just to make it clear to everyone – this has now started." [1]
F-secure, today: "F-Secure Content Cloud is a platform solution on which to build a tailored online storage services multi-devices, multi-services and multi-content." [2]
Hypponen did Conficker
Avoiding infection by Conficker, for dummies
You wouldn't want pinworms crawling around in your rectum, so treat your computer with the same respect
Just as you should have safe sex, don't share USBs like a junkie would heroin needles.

Conficker, also known as the venjix virus Downadup and Kido, is a hugely successful computer virus that will fuck up your computer the instant you let it in. It was created by Mikko Hypponen to sell you the Ficker-Secure (F-Secure) antivirus (its first versions were known as F-Downadup antivirus [3]). Due to the failure of Microsoft, it is infecting computers at a rapid rate and their shitty patches and antivirus programs cannot compete. Conficker is truly the AIDS of computer viruses, given its brutality - king of the computer worms just as AIDS is king of the STDs. There are many ways you can get Conficker, including through internet downloads and by sticking an infected USB into your computer's tight hole.

The name comes from the word 'configure' and the German word 'ficker', meaning 'fucker', as to fuck with your computer's configuration settings. The FBI Microsoft [4] has put out a $250K reward for information leading to the arrest of its creators.

The only way to fully safeguard against Conficker is getting Norton, which will pwn this shitty worm into oblivion, to be forgotten like the Y2K bug.

Things that Conficker does

  • Controls the operations of your entire computer.
  • Freezes your mouse and keyboard
  • Wipes your hard drive
  • All your passwords, credit card info, personal information leaked to Conficker's creators.

People and groups afflicted by Conficker

When Conficker will hit again

  • April 1, 2009. Be prepared!

NEVERMIND, WE WERE TROLLED.




Conficker is part of a series on Security Faggots

1337 h4x0rz

Captain Crunch • Cult of the Dead Cow • David L. Smith • Gary McKinnon • GOBBLES • HD Moore • Jeff Moss • Kevin Mitnick • Lance M. Havok • Robert Morris • Theo de Raadt • weev • Woz


Try-Hards

2cash • AnonOps • Brian Salcedo • Fearnor • Fry Guy • Gadi Evron • g00ns • Hack This Site • Hacking Team • hann • Joanna Rutkowska • John Field • Joseph Camp • Lizard Squad • LulzSec • Mark Zuckerberg • MarshviperX • Masters of Deception • Michael Lynn • Krashed • Raven • r000t • Ryan • Steve Gibson • th3j35t3r • The Regime • Sabu • Zeekill


Related Shit

4chan 2025 MegaHack • Avira • Ciscogate • Cloudflare • Conficker • CyberDefender • Defcon • The Gibson • The Great Em/b/assy Security Leak of 2007 • Heartbleed • I GOT NORTON! • Is Your Son a Computer Hacker? • Operation Sundevil • PIFTS.exe • Social engineering • Stylometry • SubSeven • Zone-H


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