- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Jeremy Hambly: Difference between revisions
imported>MeetTheMedic |
imported>MeetTheMedic |
||
| Line 259: | Line 259: | ||
==Even the Pedophile Shit Doesn't Work So Jeremy Loses His Fucking Mind== | ==Even the Pedophile Shit Doesn't Work So Jeremy Loses His Fucking Mind== | ||
[[File:HamblyLaughedAt.PNG|thumb|right]] | |||
[[File:HamblyFakeScreens.PNG|thumb|right|REAL NEWS, GO ASK MY JOURNALIST!]] | [[File:HamblyFakeScreens.PNG|thumb|right|REAL NEWS, GO ASK MY JOURNALIST!]] | ||
Jeremy thought for sure his accusations of kiddie sex rings told by [[Faggot|world class journalists]] would grab the worlds attention. It didn't, in fact according to Jeremy, the accusations only garnered him the mockery of other MtG podcasts and players. | Jeremy thought for sure his accusations of kiddie sex rings told by [[Faggot|world class journalists]] would grab the worlds attention. It didn't, in fact according to Jeremy, the accusations only garnered him the mockery of other MtG podcasts and players. | ||
Revision as of 23:01, 11 January 2018
UnsleevedMedia (powerword Jeremy Hambly) is a Magic The Gathering vlogger and YouTube wannabe who fancies himself a pretty hardcore dude and slayer of thots. In late 2017, Jeremy found himself in a controversy he soon realized he was ill-equipped to handle.
Thot Stomper
Not unlike a lot of his compatriots in the collectible card game scene, Jeremy had strong opinions on those he deemed illegitimate strong-arming their way into geeky nerd culture, and used his quick wit to put these wanna-bes in check. The timing could not be more perfect for Jeremy, as the rousing success of Gamergate had emboldened him into trying his hand at some Meme Magic and dishing out crazy bants against his adversaries on both YouTube and Twitter.
Jeremy had not realized, however, was that most people who know what the fuck they're doing do not go full blown epic ween in public, with their full names, on their "legitimate accounts", in arenas they consider their "business". His super spicy banter had caught the attention of too many higher ups of the Magic the Gathering business heads, and they promptly issued Jeremy a warning for this shenanigans. The event had caught the attention of some of the less than respected internet news outlets, particularly Polygon and Kotaku. Nnowing the reputation of these outlets, Jeremy was confident he could turn the embarrassment into a win by segueing the unflattering spotlight into an attack on card gamers and other fine people who bravely refused to bend the knee to the neon-haired tyrants.
What Jeremy failed to take into account is that GamerGaters unleashed their righteous sperg-fury in wave after wave of nameless, faceless accounts. With about as much self-awareness as someone might expect from a professional toy unboxer, it hadn't dawned on Hambly that keeping a nice, easily accessible trail of evidence to his shitposting available to anyone willing to look for it might be a detriment in the long run. People like Wizards of the Coast, who took one look at the spastic tantrums he had made a point to do as publicly as possible, on a Twitter account with his fat face attached, and made the obvious decision that this person didn't need to be associated with their children's toys.
"SHOW ME THE RECEIPTS!"
Receiving word of his ban, Jeremy went into defensive mode and demanded to see the evidence used against him to render the decision. WotC complied, to which Hambly took to his YouTube channel to argue that his punishment was an unfair screw job against him.
In a legendary display of obliviousness, Jeremy takes to the public and shows everyone how he routinely made oven jokes and cheeky comments about bringing the comedy to his internet enemies in meatspace. Hilarious, but something the old boy really should not have been doing, in public, on accounts he was trying to tie to his "brand", for months on end. In attempting to defend himself, Jeremy displayed to any and every reasonable human being that a fat, shrieking neckbeard raging about Jews and women would be a liability to their brand. Indeed, Jeremy seemed to recognize this himself, as his entire defense quickly devolves into I totally wasn't being serious and claiming that bashing him for his own chimpouts was in and of itself a form of harassment. Nothing worked, and Jeremy had his Wizards of the Coast DCI number banned for life, and some of his digital cards confiscated from an online profile, an action that enraged him into attempting a full scale war on the company.
"A GamerGate Style Event"
Convinced that a terms of service agreement was a dead meme (note: this is verbatim wording; Jeremy actually says that ToS agreements are not enforceable because they are "dead memes"). Not realizing this is the exact reason why trolls use burner accounts and fake names online, Jeremy gets the bright idea to try and start a fullblown boycott of Hasbro, publishers of the MtG card game. His reasoning is sound; an all out consumer revolt as the holiday spending season approached would surely send the company into a panic, and not wanting to suffer a financial downfall, would surely release a statement in favor of Jeremy and reverse his ban and restoring his content.
He was not joking. Jeremy was completely convinced he had the makings of a full scale internet riot at his disposal and was ready and willing to unleash it if his demands were not satisfied.
—Unsleeved Media, grossly exaggerating his influence | ||
No. Really. He actually thought he had the making of a serious news story on his hands.
—NO, REALLY GUYS... | ||
In his battle cry video, Jeremy, out loud, several times, screams about "normies" and how he intends to use 25,000 gamers to boycot Hasbro during the most important business month of the year. Hambly, with 100% sincerity, demands his audience make their voice heard, because this injustice was "the kind of things news outlets will pick up!". His weapon of choice in this most important battle was a Change.com link.
He's completely fucking serious Previous Video | Next Video |
Fizzle and Burn
Problems arose immediately with Jeremys grand revolt. The biggest of which being his complete inability to pitch this as anything but an ego trip over his punishment. He attempts to take the Sargon of Akkad method of trying to convince would-be foot soldiers into doing battle against corporate normies and social justice warriors, who will turn on you next! Considering that it took GamerGate at least a year before it ran out of steam, the fact that Jeremy needs to plead with his viewership -who presumably already side with him- that it's important they help him out regardless of personal feelings right from the gate set off red flags.
As demoralizing as it must have been to see he had none of the grassroots support needed to make a spergout work well enough to put CEOs on notice, the ability of bringing a full fledged court case as a result of the action seemed to be dismissed as quickly as it was raised.
—[[1]] | ||
Unsleeved Becomes Unhinged
A full week and no Fox News appearances, Jeremy began to lose his already tenuous grasp on the reality of the situation he found himself in. His grand Gamergate sequel hadn't gained the traction he had promised in his declaration video, and far from the sympathetic ear of the mainstream right leaning news, Jeremy was forced to beg for scraps of acknowledgement from the uninterested ear of more alternative outlets. The attempt was as successful as his grab at the mainstream, and the lack of success attention heavily on the poor in light of his grand ambitions. To compensate, Jeremy took on the new method; concluding the best way to stick it to a childrens card game manufacturer for giving you the boot is to act like an erratic madman publicly.
The gambit worked! As demonstrated by the fact that his thousands+ boycott is so busy bringing Wizards to their knees, that few of his "official" tweets can break 30 likes.
-
A significant drop from his Fox News headline of 25,000 gamers... -
A silly man needs to vent. -
"Stop the presses, I'm getting word of a...GAMER REVOLT?! -
Aaaaaaaany second now gang, they'll bend the knee... -
The pathetic truth
-
What do you think? -
It's been days! Have we overthrown the SJW yet?! -
That's obesity related heart failure -
Jeremy lying about employment again. -
Somebody, anybody, please... give a shit... -
I'll destroy you Wizards, I don't wanna but I will! -
One point for being ignored, another for pretending he didn't name it "MagicGate" himself -
When trying to convince the world everyone is lying about you, be sure to retweet Chris-chan styled pictures of girls who have wronged you getting theirs. -
She'd have grown up an SJW if I didn't say anything! -
-
Hambly Gets Trolled
In spite of all his passion and conviction, Jeremy had thus far been unable to harness the power of dank memes to reclaim his digital card collection, and his misfortunes soon compounded when he began to recieved threatening letters to his doorstep. In his update video, Jeremy reveals his wife -Heather- had been up until this point in the dark from his online crusade against the card company, and the incident forced him to inform her of his online antics. Jeremy responded to the incident with a YouTube video about crossing boundaries he believes should be set for online war, dramatically insisting his enemies should have the honor to not cross said boundaries and instead engage him directly and honorably.
When it came time to reveal what the artifact that had caused such a domestic incident had been, Jeremy revealed he was mailed a hastily sketched postcard informing him he sucked.
Unsleeved Goes Full Stormfag
With Christmas inching ever closer, no evidence that his thousands-plus Holiday Boycott was a blip on the companies radar (much less a stock-crashing disaster he repeatedly threatened it would be) coupled with a disastrous attempt to win favor with Redditors, Jeremy became desperate as avenues to keep his plight in the minds of potential allies dwindled in front of him like the fading glow of dying Christmas lights. Upon the realization he wouldn't get his much coveted mainstream press coverage, Hambly decided to run full speed ahead in the opposite direction, and commissioned a typo-riddled puff piece from Breitbart while giddy about the threat of a newfound alliance with Daily Stormer. In addition, he was taking his campaign old-school, breaking the fourth wall and attacking the professional lives of his enemies. To top it off, he would go on to openly call for the reversal of the banishment of fellow persecuted player Zach Jesse; a literal rapist.
Which would be epic as shit, if he hadn't immediately denied doing these things after having been found out he was doing them. Indeed, it seemed as though Jeremy thought he could be both a reasonable, rational mainstream face for the fight against extremist SJWs in nerd culture, and also wanted to be a full fledged mid-2000s /b/tard. At once. One one Twitter profile. All of which he would readily admit to doing under his full, legal name. Again, Jeremy demonstrated a remarkable lack of foresight in performing these actions, and a complete inability to predict how these antics would be perceived by the average Joe and Jane he had spent weeks pleading to take him seriously.
-
N-now wait just a minute I never said I was involved with goose steppers... -
... that said I won't deny I said it, either... -
"You have no evidence!" "Here's you admitting you did it..." -
Jeremy, ever insistent on "the receipts"... -
making sure he attaches his real name to literally everything he does, before attempting to deny it.
Christmas Comes and Hasbro Responds
The big day arrived, and Jeremy's boycott was finally taking a toll on the toy company. The following is their response to the brutal campaign against them.
"The Article"; Jeremy's Big Retaliation
The big holiday boycott came and went with zero acknowledgement from Hasbro, chapping Jeremy's ass something fierce. Dejected and needing a retaliation, Hambly ran frantically for anyone willing to give him anything resembling attention. He finally seemed to find someone, revealing to his twitter followers he had a 23 page article about "MagicGate" in the works, and gleefully boasted that he totally had information that would shake the corporation to its core. Seemingly making good on his initial threats, Hambly jerked himself raw at the prospect of finally getting one over on those who wronged him, and when the time came to reveal his masterwork, the website crashed! No doubt because of the hundreds of thousands of people who had rushed to witness the epic smackdown of the WotC SJWs!
Upon the website coming back up, it immediately became clear why it went down the split second Hamblys revenge article came up. Brazenly lying about a "mainstream news website" expressing sympathy towards his plight, Jeremy proceeded to link a Web1.0 tier website that featured various conspiracies and generally sub Cracked.com levels of opinion blogging.
Previous Quote | Next Quote | |||||
Jeremy's totally-legitimate-mainstream-news website-guys-I'm-serious article, Jeremy is martyred by the "professional journalist" as an innocent is cheeky troublemaker being unfairly targeted by a -direct quote- "contradictory philosophy could have been directly pulled from Orwell’s dystopian classic 1984". In it, the idea that Jeremy has begged the mainstream to hear for months is merely repeated over and over again; "But by their own definition, did they not also harass Jeremy?!". The substance is of little interest, it was merely a compilation of related tangents Hambly himself had desperately tried to get viral for weeks prior. Rather, it is the style of writing that's the biggest point of interest. In the "23 pages" (Hambly, despite totally not being involved with the writing of the article, was presented a copy of it in PDF form prior to publishing, which amount to 23 pages worth of material; that web content does not translate to "pages" when published online did not seem to register to him) petty insults and the vaguest of accusations are vomited at the reader in stream of consciousness compositions, the author repeatedly taking the time out to directly and individually insult the various subjects, while to attempting- repeatedly- to convince the reader of his own neutrality, done by means of occasionally insulting Jeremy as lightly as possible.
The overall tone of the article and Jeremy's uncontainable joy at it's existence make a sad fact -again- painfully clear; this is seriously how Jeremy believes respected news journalists speak. Fattyboy neglects to inform his audience that the websites content is almost exclusively audience generated, resulting in his "large news website" being filled to the brim with conspiracy theories and misdirected 'rebel'-styled opinion pieces and, yet again for the thousandth time in a row, proceeds to demonstrate that he has absolutely no fucking idea how to act like a normal person, and interperts their inability to process the batshit wordvomit he spews onto people as evidence of a conspiracy against him.
—A "professional journalist" said this | ||
23 Pages?! What's the Gist of it?
The stupid fat pig begged a conspiracy theorist to throw some of his Tweets together in Acrobat and throw it on his conspiracy theory blog, apparently under the impression that it counted as mainstream news.
DISREGARD THAT
BREAKING LEGITIMATE NEWS GUYS, it seems that mere minutes within the article going live on uncorporatemedia, they too realized the rambling bullshit was too much for the good name of their website. The article was removed and thrown on some shitty GamerGate website.
Which he swears gets more hits than Breitbart.
-
Before -
After
The Journalist
Jeremy's argument for the articles validity was based on his assertion that it's author, Lou Colagiovanni, was a legitimate, verified journalist. He had credentials! Brace yourself for this, Lou had uncovered the Anthony Weiner scandal! Shit doesn't get more legit than that! Hambly had found himself a powerful ally here, how the fuck could any SJW brace themselves for the investigative thrashing they were about toh wait he just lied.
Yes, as he is wont to do, Jeremy seemed to be embellishing his friends ability just a tad bit, and his seasoned investigative journalist turned out to be little more than a tried and true attention seeking hanger on who was only peripherally related to Weinergate, and who's other contributions to journalism were equally as unimpressive.
Now ol Lou didn't take kindly to his legitimacy being called into question all of the sudden, which he chalked up to the panicked and desperate flailing of the now enraged SJWs he exposed to the sunlight. He was quick to point to his quarter of a million follower Facebook fanpage, which he was confident proved he was the big deal he claimed and -having about as much foresight as his friend Jeremy- challenged his Twitter antagonists to Google his name and bring up one of any hundreds of articles he had professionally written and was paid to publish. The results did little to shut up his critics, the search only turned up cheap blog after cheap blog of poorly written, middle of the roadnews reports. And none of which looked like anything he was being paid for. A far cry from being the world-famous sex scandal breaker that Jeremy hyped him as. Adding to his humiliation, the fact that said Facebook fanpage (of which he really wants you to know has a quarter of a million followers on it), would routinely get less than a hundred or so reactions per unique post; a dead giveaway for purchased followers.
Colagiovannis detractors, obviously, immediately brought this to his attention. To which his response was to loudly proclaim he was already an established professional and didn't need no SJWs claiming otherwise in an attempt to slander him.
-
-
The BIGGEST names... -
Professionally cropped headshot -
-
"G-go ahead! Call me a hack fraud! See if I care!"
Third Time is the Kid Touching Charm
"The Article", like all the attempts before it, sparked nobodys interest. Unfazed, Jeremy decided to strike while what was left of the iron was hot, and finally delivered on his threats of dirt. In his third attempt in roughly a month in a half to rebrand "MagicGate" in an effort to get mainstream attention, he rather suddenly announced he had received bombshell after bombshell in his dedicated email for precisely this type of material, Jeremy took to YouTube to announce to the world the awful truth; the Magic the Gathering community had been infested from top to bottom with pedophiles! He did it! The fat fucker had finally delivered!
...that is, unless you watched until the end of the video.
—14:55, effectively snipping the fuse off of his bomb | ||
At the tail end of his big fist to the jaw of Social Justice and Wizards of the Coast, Jeremy casually lets it slip -ostensibly to protect himself legally- that the people he had just exposed as people child rapist MtG players probably weren't actually involved with the game anymore, if they were even free men at this point.
Andy Warski and the Revolting Consumers
Now confident that he had the gimmick that would really blow up MagicGate into a notable event, Jeremy got his long time wish and landed a coveted spot on "classical liberal" Youtube podcast Warski Live. All excited that he was finally about to mobilize the personal army he had wanted for months, Jeremy was enthralled to learn long-time idol Mister Metokur would be popping in for the stream! It was everything the piggyboy had dreamt of, after months of humiliating setback after humiliating setback, Jeremy was finally about to mobilize the troops and take sweet vengeance against Hasbro and Wizards of the Coast for daring to imply he was a deranged neckbeard with a hair-trigger temper who would consistently cause problems wherever he went.
A funny thing happens when you Activate the Epic Ween, and it turns out Metokur and his fanbase didn't actually give two shits about Jeremy or his dumbshit campaign of justice. As Jeremy tried to put on his best professional face to convince the public at large he had a factual, evidence based case against the company that warranted attention, people who knew how to properly weaponize their autism. Dank memes and and epic barbs filled up Hasbros Twitter mentions as macro after macros were shopped to warn the kiddy fondling toy company that the time for mercy was over, and to now brace for Total War-ski.
For the first time in the history of 'MagicGate', Jeremy had finally, actually pulled off quality lulz. The fat sperg had, at long last, achieved his goal.
Until, of course, you realize Jeremy's actual intention was to be taken seriously by the mainstream media and executives at Hasbro. And now his face and legal name are forever associated with an admitted and deliberate campaign of publicly accusing of their brand knowing and covering up sex crimes against children. It's fine, though. Big corporations aren't exactly known for being litigious, and it's not like he really said anything that would be worth a case being brought against him.
MagicGate goes out for Pizza
About a day after Metokur showed him how to handle business, Jeremy went fullblown Alex Jones and just decided to tell everyone he had exposed Wizards of the Coast of being a child-rape cult. Screaming that the official company response to an obese manchild screaming "Why are all of you pedophiles?!" wasn't professional enough for his liking, Jeremy took to his YouTube, where he would rant to his audience about not getting a professional response to screaming "Why are all of you pedophiles?!" to a companys Twitter.
In doing so, the dumb fuck forgot to clear the ol browsing history, and had let some incriminating content slip past.
Notice some suspicious editing there at the 5:20 mark? Jeremy, in the midst of his righteous rage, had accidentally exposed some unflattering search results, and broadcasted the content to his "professional" YouTube channel. Unsurprisngly, this got his account flagged and deleted. However never one to let a good outrage pass, Jeremy decided he would simply lie about the circumstances of his ban, and claim that Hasbro was now activating their final response to silent him for good. Again, like the Metokur raid, this too garnered Jeremy an unusual amount of hype, and everyone from GamerGaters to the Alt Right had their interest piqued at the potential existence of a new child-rape conspiracy.
Even the Pedophile Shit Doesn't Work So Jeremy Loses His Fucking Mind
Jeremy thought for sure his accusations of kiddie sex rings told by world class journalists would grab the worlds attention. It didn't, in fact according to Jeremy, the accusations only garnered him the mockery of other MtG podcasts and players.
As a result of the taunting from those whose respected he spent years craving, Hambly goes completely apeshit, demanding the world give him respect and attention. For added credibility, he posts a very clearly faked screencapture of a teenage girl who thanks him for breaking this news story to YouTube. He doesn't think to take them out of Microsoft Word before putting them on the screen.
Jeremy is a Sad Sack of Shit
Jeremy is a sad fat neckbeard with no friends whose family hates him Previous Video | Next Video |
Gallery
-
A super normal thing to put on facebook -
Also this -
Studyin' up on thot slaying -
Because of course -
"Lol go on... b-ban me I don't care..."
-
Expectations raised and dashed expertly -
Smash the Regressives and Buy my Merch -
This is just like Soviet Russia! -
That one didn't age well... -
-
-
The article, that he totally didn't write himself, needed to be shopped around before anyone would post it. -
Like most professional news outlets, he needed developers to get it up -
-
External Links
 |
||
|
|
||