Registration has been disabled and the moderation extension has been turned off.

Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.

Halloween: Difference between revisions

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
← Older editNewer edit →
imported>Sidecar
→Costumes: 3 dull and dispruptive pics moved to talk page
imported>CrackRabbit
No edit summary
Line 1: Line 1:
{{DISPLAYTITLE:Hallowe'en}}
[[File:Halloweencandytoday.jpg|center]]<br>
[[File:Pumpkin pumper.gif|thumb|How you will spend Halloween]]


[[File:Razor-apple.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Those rascals.  Kids being kids]]
[[File:Razor apple day.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Kids being kids]]


'''Halloween''' or '''CHILD PURGE DAY''' is that special time of year we run over [[children]] at twice the rate of any other day of the year. This is largely done as a means of [[abortion|population control]] dressed up as a fun filled, candy scarfing, spooky festival of giggles and laughter... at least up until the point at which your child winds up permanently plastered across the pavement like a [[pain|bright red jelly stain]].  Every day for the rest of your life, whenever you get behind the wheel of a [[car]] and look at the road... you'll see their squashed little faces, heads popped open like a grape, their brains smeared all over the roadway.  You can take comfort, though, in your ritual sacrifice to [[Satan]] himself, knowing your dead children will help bring forth a bountiful harvest and keep demons from Dahmering your goats or... some crazy assed [[shit nobody cares about|Pagan shit]].
[[File:Child corpse.jpg|thumb|300px|What your child is likely going to look like after a night of Trick-or-treating.]]


Don't worry about taking any responsibility for your dead children either, because the [[media]], the [[police]], hell even the [[government]] has got you covered!  Throughout the whole month of October they'll constantly cram into your vacuous little head every irrational, nonsensical, completely improbable, [[transexuals|statistically irrelevant]] danger and urban legend they can think of to completely distract you from the fact that having your spergbrood ground into the asphalt is the leading cause of [[death]] amongst the ankle biter population.
'''Halloween''' or '''CHILD PURGE DAY''' is that special time of year we run over children at twice the rate of any other day of the year. This is largely done as a means of population control dressed up as a fun filled, candy scarfing, spooky festival of giggles and laughter... at least up until the point at which your child winds up permanently plastered across the pavement like a bright red jelly stain. Every day for the rest of your life, whenever you get behind the wheel of a car and look at the road... you'll see their squashed little faces, heads popped open like a grape, their brains smeared all over the roadway. You can take comfort, though, in your ritual sacrifice to Satan himself, knowing your dead children will help bring forth a bountiful harvest and keep demons from Dahmering your goats or... some crazy assed Pagan shit.


From razors and glass embedded into [[candy]], to poisoned treats, to horrifically dangerous [[marijuana]] edibles that will do... absolutely nothing actually; but apparently law enforcement agencies across the country feel inclined to [[government|waste millions of dollars]] in tax payer money trying to warn you of the completely nonexistent danger of getting high on a totally non-addictive substance that's utterly impossible to overdose on.
Don't worry about taking any responsibility for your dead children either, because the [[media]], the [[police]], hell even the [[government]] has got you covered! Throughout the whole month of October they'll constantly cram into your vacuous little head every irrational, nonsensical, completely improbable, statistically irrelevant danger and urban legend they can think of to completely distract you from the fact that having your spergbrood ground into the asphalt is the leading cause of death amongst the ankle biter population.
 
From razors and glass embedded into candy, to poisoned treats, to horrifically dangerous marijuana edibles that will do... absolutely nothing actually; but apparently law enforcement agencies across the country feel inclined to waste millions of dollars in tax payer money trying to warn you of the completely nonexistent danger of getting high on a totally non-addictive substance that's utterly impossible to overdose on.
 
For anyone not under the age of 16, Halloween is a time to revel in extensive debauchery. It is highly encouraged you get absolutely [[alcohol|shitfaced]], wear next to nothing, and [[vomit]] on hot sluts before attempting to drive home drunk, [[Forever Alone|alone and empty inside]]. With any luck you'll inadvertently go crotch biscuit bowling with your car and purge at least six or eight of the snot faced little hellspawns.  


For anyone not under the age of 16, Halloween is a time to revel in extensive debauchery. It is highly encouraged you get absolutely [[alcohol|shitfaced]], wear next to nothing, and [[vomit]] on hot sluts before attempting to drive home drunk, [[forever alone|alone and empty inside]].  With any luck you'll inadvertently go crotch biscuit bowling with your car and purge at least six or eight of the snot faced little hellspawns.


==Children==
==Children==
[[File:Halloween sex google.png|thumb|300px|Due to recent events, [[bullshit| children should be safer this Halloween.]]]]
[[File:Safer halloween.png|thumb|300px|Due to recent events, [[bullshit| children should be safer this Halloween.]]]]


Halloween is one of the favorite holidays for most [[children]] - combining the candy from [[Easter]] with the undeserved presents from [[Christmas]]. Responsible adults should always be safe on Halloween while making sure the children have fun:
Halloween is one of the favorite holidays for most [[children]] - combining the candy from [[Easter]] with the undeserved presents from [[Christmas]]. Responsible adults should always be safe on Halloween while making sure the children have fun:
*Wait until nightfall.
*Wait until nightfall
*Dress them up so nobody will recognize them.
*Dress them up so nobody will recognize them
*Force them to walk around in a sea of children no one is supervising.
*Force them to walk around in a sea of children no one is supervising
*Travel to a stranger's house.
*Travel to a stranger's house
*Allow the children to ask them for candy.
*Allow the children to ask them for candy
*Threaten to vandalize their homes if they don't.
*Threaten to vandalize their homes if they don't
*The creepier the house and its occupants look - the better.
*The creepier the house and its occupants look - the better
*Amp them up with sugar.
*Amp them up with sugar
*Devil's night, watch 'em empty houses go ablaze (devil's night being the night before Halloween, newfag).
*Devil's night, watch 'em empty houses go ablaze.


==Costumes==
== Costumes ==
<br>
<br>
<br>
<center>
<center>
{{frame|<gallery perrow=3 heights="200px" widths="200px" class="center">
{{frame|<gallery class="middle"; heights="200px" widths="200px">


File:Kids-halloween-costumes.jpg|The sort of half-assed shit you see nowadays.
File:Kids-halloween-costumes.jpg|This is the sort of half-assed shit you see nowadays.


File:Traditional halloween costumes.jpg|That's more like it. Still not right though.
File:Traditional halloween costumes.jpg|That's more like it. Still not right though


File:A traditional halloween.jpg|Full marks
File:A traditional halloween.jpg|Full marks
Line 42: Line 43:
<br>
<br>


It is common for [[Loli|children in the 6-10 year-old demographic]] to dress up for Halloween, usually as ghosts, demons, witches, ghouls, vampires and other similar things. However, costumes which have literally fuck-all to do with Halloween such as pirates and fairies are unfortunately common. This is one of the easier ways to spot a [[concerned mother]].


It is common for [[Loli|children in the 6-10 year-old demographic]] to dress up for Halloween, usually as ghosts, demons, witches, ghouls, vampires and other similar things. However, costumes which have literally fuck-all to do with Halloween such as pirates and fairies are unfortunately common. This is one of the easier ways to spot a [[concerned mother]].  
[[Weaboo]]s and other types of [[otakukin|virgins]] like to take advantage of the holiday to dress up as their favorite game or [[animu]] star which helps them to cope with their own unfulfilled desires of being unable get their parents to drive them to conventions so they can roleplay with other game and animu fags. One of the few times no one complains about furries is on Halloween.


[[Weaboo]]s and other types of [[otakukin|virgins]] like to take advantage of the holiday to dress up as their favorite game or [[animu]] star which helps them to cope with their own unfulfilled desires of being unable get their parents to drive them to conventions so they can roleplay with other game and animu fags.


[[Image:Lolifurry111.jpg|thumb|right|200px|One of the few times no one complains about furries is on Halloween.]]


===[[Furries]] & [[Otherkin]]===
===[[Furries]] & [[Otherkin]]===
Traditionally Halloween is the time of year evil spirits and chthonic monsters rise up from the abyss to walk among the living - such is also the case with furries and otherkin. Because Halloween is the one time of year [[mundanes|normal people]] dress up as [[werewolves]], demons and [[vampires]] it is easy for the usual sick fucks to rise up from their [[Basement-dweller|underground lair]] to pretend they are normal. [[Adult babies]] have also been known to turn up at this time of year. Although they may look the same as others, they will still act their same faggy way, so pay close attention.
 
[[File:Halloween furry.jpg|thumb|right|300px|One of the few times no one complains about furries is on Halloween]]
 
Traditionally Halloween is the time of year evil spirits and monsters rise up from damnation to walk among the living - such is the case with furries and otherkin. Because Halloween is the one time of year [[mundanes|normal people]] dress up as [[werewolves]], demons and [[vampires]] it is easy for the usual sick fucks to rise up from their [[Basement-dweller|underground lair]] to pretend they are normal. [[Adult babies]] have also been known to turn up at this time of year. Although they may look the same as others, they will still act their same faggy way, so pay close attention.


Most worryingly [[alcohol]] is often served at Halloween parties and stolen by [[stoned]] [[teenagers]]. If [[you]] become intoxicated at this dangerous time of year it is easy to become an unwitting victim in a [[yiff]] pile.
Most worryingly [[alcohol]] is often served at Halloween parties and stolen by [[stoned]] [[teenagers]]. If [[you]] become intoxicated at this dangerous time of year it is easy to become an unwitting victim in a [[yiff]] pile.


=== [[Woman|Women]] Most Notably The College Girl ===
===Women Most Notably The College Girl===


[[Image:2costume222.png|thumb|right|250px]]
[[File:Slutty girl costumes.png| thumb|right|300px]]
 
If you have a decent body, the whole goal is for you to find the smallest, tightest, sluttiest costume you can fit into that can be removed and put back on you easily, if you're lucky you won't need to know why or remember it. While at the Halloween party remember to do your damnedest to look like a whore, act like a whore, drink like a whore and pass out between 60 to 90 minutes into the party after 6 or 7 drinks because this is the first time you've been to a party and ever drank alcohol in your life. Go on. YOLO, bitch. Btw, remember to stick to sweet drinks, that way you won't taste the saltiness of the GHB. These are your college years, go out, have fun and remember the Frat Boy code: it's easier for her to bury the truth when she has no memory of it.
 
Hopefully you're good and drunk so that you won't wake up when you get dragged to the basement, or an out of sight room, making this a night to remember for some nerd and all his friends on Twitter when he entertains them with a live feed. For the next 4 years everyone will know about that heart shaped mole you have just above your cooze.
 
'''PROTIP: stock up on The Morning After Pill''' and revel in your new found infamy. You're a certified slut now! When you graduate with your degree in English Literature, you can use this experiance to explain why you are a lesbian in End-Rhyme poetry that tells how the rug burns on your back (from being dragged) hurt more than your vagina the day after losing your virginity.
Go ahead, cut his balls off metaphorically. Revel in knowing that he might read this when you suggest that you were secretly awake as you let the ink fly informing the literary world, all 3 of your family members, that he failed himself as a man and you as a woman. Before you end, don't forget the call to your Lesbian sisters to castrate their sons and brothers to finally cure this male insanity.
 
Look at that. Just like a Harold Robbins novel. One Halloween spent as a slut and your whole life is mapped out for you.


If you have a decent body, the whole goal is for you to find the smallest, tightest, sluttiest costume you can fit into that can be removed and put back on you easily, if you're lucky you won't need to know why or remember it.  While at the Halloween party remember to do your damnedest to look like a whore, act like a whore, drink like a whore and pass out between 60 to 90 minutes into the party after 6 or 7 drinks because this is the first time you've been to a party and ever drank [[alcohol]] in your life.
Go on.  [[YOLO]], bitch. Btw, remember to stick to sweet drinks, that way you won't taste the saltiness of the GHB.  These are your [[college]]
years, go out, have fun and remember the [[Douchebag|Frat Boy]] code: it's easier for her to bury the [[truth]] when she has no memory of it.<br>
Hopefully you're good and drunk so that you won't wake up when you get dragged to the basement, or an out of sight room, making this a night to remember for some [[nerd]] and all his friends on [[Twitter]] when he entertains them with a live feed.  For the next 4 years everyone will know about that heart shaped mole you have just above your [[vagina|cooze]].<br>
[[PROTIP]]: stock up on [[Abortion|The Morning After Pill]] and revel in your new found infamy.  You're a certified [[slut]] now!  When you graduate with your degree in English Literature, you can use this experiance to explain why you are a [[lesbian]] in End-Rhyme poetry that tells how the rug burns on your back (from being dragged) hurt more than your [[vagina]] the day after losing your virginity.<br>
[[DO IT FAGGOT|Go ahead]], cut his balls off metaphorically.  Revel in knowing that he might read this when you suggest that you were secretly awake as you let the ink fly informing the literary world, all 3 of your family members, that he failed himself as a man and you as a woman.  Before you end, don't forget the call to your Lesbian sisters to castrate their sons and brothers to finally cure this male insanity.<br>
Look at that.  Just like a Harold Robbins novel.  One Halloween spent as a slut and your whole life is mapped out for you.
<br>
<br>
<center>
{{frame|<gallery class="middle"; heights="150px" widths="150px">
File:1571072474-costume-sexy-ami-2019-harryskirtgrey.jpg
File:Slutty-Halloween-Costumes-Witch.jpg
File:Slutty-Halloween-Black-Cat-Costume.jpg
File:Slutty halloween costumes thumb1.jpg
File:Slutty halloween costumes a1.jpg
File:MaRIn69.jpg
File:Sluttu school girl.jpg
File:Slutty costume a2.jpg
File:Slutty Halloween costume a3.jpg
File:Slutty turtles.jpg
File:--lifeguard-costum.jpg
File:Slutty-teen-girl-halloween-costume-idea.jpg
</gallery>|border=black|background=orange}}
</center>
<br>
<br>


{{cg|Gallery Of Slutty Halloween Costumes|sluts|center|<gallery perrow="5">
==The ED Do It Yourself Costume Guide==
File:1halloweenwo111.jpg|The average College Girl Halloween Costume
File:1costume111.jpg
File:6costume222.jpg|[[Batman|Harley Quinn]] is popular this year with college girls
File:5costume333.jpg
File:1costume333.jpg|If You're slutty enough and willing to wear it, they make it
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:8costume333.jpg
File:2costume111.jpg
File:3costme111.jpg
File:4costume111.jpg
File:5costume111.jpg
File:6costume111.jpg
File:1costume222.jpg
File:7costume111.png
File:8costume111.png
File:9costume111.jpg
File:YS S5819 COST2015.jpg
File:4costume222.jpg
File:5costume222.png
File:2costume444.jpg|Body paint is always a win
File:1costume444.jpg
File:4costume777.jpg|In the name of the Moon I want to be punished
File:3costume777.jpg
File:2costume777.jpg
File:20181028 191046.jpg
File:20181028 191026.jpg
File:High-Quality-Cosplay-Sailor-Moon-Costume.jpg
</gallery>}}
<br><br>


=== The ED Do It Yourself Costume Guide ===
**'''The David Carradine''': You will need a plastic bag, duck tape and Vaseline.
Take the plastic bag and put it over your head. Using the duck tape, make a tight seal around your neck, and using the Vaseline, quickly start playing with your dick until you pass out and die.


** <B>The David Carradine</b> You will need a plastic bag, duct tape and Vaseline.<br>
**'''The Human Torch''': You will need oily rags and a lighter
Take the plastic bag and put it over your head.  Using the duct tape, make a tight seal around your neck, and using the Vaseline, quickly start playing with your dick until you pass out and die. Bonus points if you sport lingerie and heels. <br>


Take the oily rags and pin them to your clothes. Use lighter to set self on fire. If you're black, start running down the street and this instantly becomes the Richard Pryor If you're black and playing Richard Pryor,Lucky You because your goal is to get life flighted to a burn unit. If you're white or playing the Human Torch, you must run into a highly combustible building like a paper factory and cause it to burn down.


** '''The Human Torch''' You will need oily rags and a lighter<br>
**'''The Inner-city black Man''': You will only need shoe polish
Take the oily rags and pin them to your clothes.  Use lighter to set self on fire.  If you're black, start running down the street and this instantly becomes the [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6yLdJQNMoc '''Michael Jackson''']  If you're black and playing MJ, lucky you because your goal is to get life flighted to a burn unit.  If you're white or azn playing the Human Torch, you must run into a highly combustible building like a paper factory or meth lab and cause it to burn down.<br>


Paint your skin black using the shoe polish. Go outside and scream, "Fuck You Pig," to a cop. Get shot.


** '''The [[nigger|Inner-city Man of Color]]''' You will only need a hoodie and shoe polish<br>
**'''The Suburban White Man''': You will need movie quality caucasian face paints, makeup and a wig.
Paint your skin black using the shoe polish.  Don the hoodie, go outside, and scream, '''"Fuck You Pig!!!"''' to a cop.  Get shot.<br>


As a black man take caucasian paints and make up to paint yourself to look white, dont forget your wig. Watch your credit score jump to 700. Even better, walk into a bank carrying a brief case an go crazy with how many loans you are offered.


**'''The [[white devil|Suburban White Man]]''' You will need movie quality caucasian face paints, khakis, and a wig.<br>
**'''The Timothy Leary''': You will need a 1/4 Kilo of Weed. A 1960s Beatles Style Jacket with a Chinese collar. Vintage jeans.
As a black man, take caucasian paints and make up to make yourself up to look white, don't forget your wig.  Watch your credit score jump to 700. Even better, walk into a bank carrying a brief case and go crazy with how many loans you are offered. <br>


Dress yourself up in the classic clothes. Smoke dope until you're good and stoned then file a lawsuit against the U.S. Government to legalize drugs.


** '''The Timothy Leary''' You will need a <s>1/4 Kilo of Weed</s> [[at least 9000]] micrograms of [[LSD]], a 1960s Beatles style jacket with a Chinese collar, and vintage bell bottom jeans.<br>
**'''The [[SJW]]:'''
Dress yourself up in the classic clothes. Ingest all the LSD (preferably by enema) then file a lolsuit against the U.S. Government to legalize all drugs.<br>
Get a job at Marvel Comics. Bring diversity to comics. When their sales shitcan, blame the readers for being closed minded idiots.


**'''The Male Porn Actor''': You will need a bag of nuts and glue


** '''[[ComicGate|The SJW]]''' <br>
Break up all the nuts you can and then glue these busted nuts to your face and back. Voila, you just finished filming a gay porn. Really committ to your costume by only wearing a bananna hammock. You're allowed to stuff it, it is Halloween.
Get a job at [[Wolverine|Marvel Comics]]. Bring diversity to comics. When their sales tank, blame the readers via social media for being closed minded idiots.<br>


**'''The [[An Hero]]''': You will need a gun or another suitable weapon.


** '''The Male Porn Actor''' You will need a bag of nuts and glue.<br>
Wait for the middle hours of candy begging when the most kids are out. Go batshit crazy and start killing kids. Try to get the high-score. Just before the police close in on you, kill yourself. If you're really planning on this costume, how about you forget about the kids, pin a note to your chest that says, "I'm an Halloween an hero," and kill yourself while sitting in a lawn chair, on your porch, with a bowl of candy in your lap.
Break up all the nuts you can and then glue these busted nuts to your face and back. Voila, you just finished filming a gay porn.
Really commit to your costume by only wearing a jock.  You're allowed to stuff it, it is Halloween.<br>


** '''The [[An Hero]]''' You will need a gun or another suitable weapon.<br>
Wait for the middle hours of candy begging when the most kids are out.  Go [[insane|batshit crazy]] and start killing kids (ingesting K2 or PCP beforehand is very helpful).  Try to get the high-score.  Just before the [[police]] close in on you, kill yourself.
If you're really planning on this costume, how about you forget about the kids, pin a note to your chest that says,  ''"I'm an Halloween an hero,"'' and kill yourself in front of a sizeable group of children while sitting in a lawn chair, on your porch, with a bowl of candy in your lap.<br>


===Race Costume Gallery===
===Race Costume Gallery===
{{cg|Lol, Minorities|RaceGallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
{{cg|Lol, Minorities|Race Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Indian_costume_is_not_okay.jpg
File:Indian_costume_is_not_okay.jpg
File:Hispanic costume is not okay.jpg  
File:Hispanic costume is not okay.jpg  
Line 153: Line 154:
</gallery>}}
</gallery>}}


==[[Movies]]==
== [[Movies]] ==
Another Halloween tradition is the viewing of [[horror]] films. The horror genre is perfect for this holiday, for it tends to usually revolve around the same subject matter, as well as being just as tasteless. Christian [[wimmin|pussies]] tend to shy away from such films, and have even gone as far as to say that they'll become [[Lol Wut?|demonically possessed if they watch them]].
Another Halloween tradition is the viewing of [[horror]] films. The horror genre is perfect for this holiday, for it tends to usually revolve around the same subject matter, as well as being just as tasteless. Christian [[wimmin|pussies]] tend to shy away from such films, and have even gone as far as to say that they'll become [[Lol Wut?|demonically possessed if they watch them]].


Line 162: Line 163:
Aside from pretending to be a witch or vampire (which is only acceptable for kids under 14) the main treat on Halloween is candy, even after being told for the rest of the year [[pedophile|it's wrong to take sweets from strangers]].
Aside from pretending to be a witch or vampire (which is only acceptable for kids under 14) the main treat on Halloween is candy, even after being told for the rest of the year [[pedophile|it's wrong to take sweets from strangers]].


[[Some argue]] stories of poisoned candy are just [[bullshit|urban legends]] to make Halloween seem more scary. This is a lie. During the 1970s many children died from eating home-made sweets laced with drugs or poison - including 5-year-old Kevin Tostan who ate candy containing heroin. Luckily [[concerned mother|vigilant parents]] are able to spot these dangerous sweets as they all bear a distinctive blue star. If [[you]] receive an e-mail about such sweets distribute them as quickly as possible.
[[Some argue]] stories of poisoned candy are just [[bullshit|urban legends]] to make Halloween seem more scary. This is a lie. During the 1970s many children died from eating home-made sweets laced with drugs or poison - including 5-year-old Kevin Tostan who ate candy containing heroin. Luckily [[concerned mother|vigilant parents]] are able to spot these dangerous sweets as they all bear a distinctive blue star. If [[you]] receive an e-mail about such sweets pass them on as quickly as possible.


===Timothy O'Brian===
===Timothy O'Brian===
[http://archive.fo/zXBpn In 1974 8-year-old Timothy O'Brian died after eating a Halloween sweet laced with cyanide]. His father claimed he received the treat from a house in Texas - but when police investigated the house, it turned out to be abandoned. It also turned out the boy's father had taken out $20,000 life insurance policy on his son and had attempted to poison him and was due to be executed on Halloween 1982.
[http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/410754/urban_legends_are_halloween_candy_murders.html?cat=25 In 1974 8-year-old Timothy O'Brian died after eating a Halloween sweet laced with cyanide]. His father claimed he received the treat from a house in Texas - but when police investigated the house, it turned out to be abandoned. It also turned out the boy's father had taken out $20,000 life insurance policy on his son and had attempted to poison him and was due to be executed on Halloween 1982.
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
{{clear}}
==Religions==
==Religions==
[[File:Pagan Halloween 3.PNG|thumb|right|220px|Damn those [[Christians]] for screwing with our religion.]]
[[File:Halloween christfags.png|thumb|right|Damn those [[Christians]] for screwing with our religion.]]
===[[Pagan|Pagans]]===
===[[Pagan|Pagans]]===
<center>{{morphquote|halloween1|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
<center>{{morphquote|halloween1|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
|Halloween. That was the eve of Samhain ... firstborn children were sacrificed ... Samhain eve was a night of dread and danger.|National Geographic (1977).
|Halloween. That was the eve of Samhain ... firstborn children were sacrificed ... Samhain eve was a night of dread and danger.|National Geographic (1977).
Line 185: Line 185:
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
----
===[[Christians]]===


===[[Christians]]===
<br>
<br>
<br>
<center>
<center>
{{frame|<gallery perrow=3 class="middle"; heights="200px" widths="200px">
{{frame|<gallery class="middle"; heights="200px" widths="200px">
File:Christian halloween 1.PNG|Typical Christian who has his head way too far up his ass.
 
File:Christian halloween 2.PNG|A traditional Halloween recipe.
File:Halloween a4.png|Typical Christian who has his head way too far up his ass.
File:Satan.jpg|Happy Birthday, Lucifer!
 
File:Halloween a5.png|A traditional Halloween recipe.
 
File:Halloween a6.jpg|Happy Birthday, Lucifer!
 
</gallery>|border=black|background=orange}}
</gallery>|border=black|background=orange}}
</center>
</center>
<br>
<br>


<center><youtube>HKDAxLuhvuk</youtube></center>
<center><youtube>HKDAxLuhvuk</youtube></center>
Line 202: Line 207:
|I think we ought to close Halloween down. Do you want your children to dress up as witches? The Druids used to dress up like this when they were doing human sacrifice ... The children are acting out Satanic rituals and participating in it, and don't even realize it.|Pat Robertson <i>The 700 Club</i>
|I think we ought to close Halloween down. Do you want your children to dress up as witches? The Druids used to dress up like this when they were doing human sacrifice ... The children are acting out Satanic rituals and participating in it, and don't even realize it.|Pat Robertson <i>The 700 Club</i>


|The Bible says they were to stone the person for enticing - not because they had been worshiping. That is strict! So what should our response be to those who want us to go trick or treating with them or to celebrate any holiday that has a basis in paganism? We are not to do so.|[http://archive.fo/YygN2 BTW astrology and Christmas trees are evil too.]
|The Bible says they were to stone the person for enticing - not because they had been worshiping. That is strict! So what should our response be to those who want us to go trick or treating with them or to celebrate any holiday that has a basis in paganism? We are not to do so.|[http://www.yahsaves.org/learn/Booklets/halloween.htm BTW astrology and Christmas trees are evil too.]


|Instead of celebrating, what's a Christian to do on Satan's feast day? PRAY! Intercession and spiritual warfare should be the first item on our agenda. It is NOT a last resort!|[http://www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/halloween.html Pray for the occultists].
|Instead of celebrating, what's a Christian to do on Satan's feast day? PRAY! Intercession and spiritual warfare should be the first item on our agenda. It is NOT a last resort!|[http://www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/halloween.html Pray for the occultists].
Line 209: Line 214:


}}</center>
}}</center>
===Those Crazy Bible-Thumpers===
===Those Crazy Bible-Thumpers===
It would seem that a group of [[Christfag|baby sprinklers]] have come up with a more "wholesome" alternative for Halloween. Lulz is sure to ensue. The video below is a accurate explantation, as authorized by the [[Rape|Pope]]


Christians do not celebrate Halloween as they despise anything which resembles fun. Because they are not allowed to dress up and eat candy, Christians celebrate Halloween by [http://rawstory.com/2009/10/n-c-church-to-burn-satans-books-including-works-of-mother-theresa/ burning evil books], including books written by the Pope and Mother Teresa and Bibles (except the King James version).
Some Christians do not celebrate Halloween as they despise anything which resembles fun. Because they are not allowed to dress up and eat candy, Christians celebrate Halloween by [http://rawstory.com/2009/10/n-c-church-to-burn-satans-books-including-works-of-mother-theresa/ burning evil books], including books written by the Pope and Mother Teresa and Bibles (except the King James version).


[[Some argue]] November the 1st - ''All Saint's Day'' - has been combined with Halloween to remember the souls of the dead, especially dead martyred Christians, so there is nothing immoral about celebrating Halloween. Despite this, the day is pretty much ignored by non-Catholics since it's mostly a boring version of [[Mexico|Day of the Dead]].
[[Some argue]] November the 1st - ''All Saint's Day'' - has been combined with Halloween to remember the souls of the dead, especially dead martyred Christians, so there is nothing immoral about celebrating Halloween. Despite this, the day is pretty much ignored since it's mostly a boring version of [[Mexico|Day of the Dead]] (which is itself a boring as fuck version of Halloween).
----


===[[Satanists]]===
===[[Satanists]]===
[[File:Satanist halloween 2.PNG|thumb|right|Get your own fucking holiday.]]
[[File:Halloween b1.png|thumb|left|Get your own fucking holiday.]]
[[File:Satanist halloween 1.PNG|thumb|right|A [[satanist]] admires his [[Saddam Hussein|dark lord and master]].]]
[[File:Satanist halloween 1.PNG|thumb|right|A [[satanist]] admires his [[Saddam Hussein|dark lord and master]].]]
 
[[File:Amanda Knox.jpg|thumb|left|[[Amanda Knox]] a.k.a. '''Foxy Knoxy'''. And yes, she's over 18.]]
{{quote|Two major holidays, HALLOWEEN and Walpurgisnacht are celebrated by the Church of Satan.|Anton LaVey{{jew}}, Founder of the Church of Satan.}}
[[File:Fucking ugly werewolf constume.jpg|thumb|right|All the better to eat you out my dear ...]]
{{quote|Two major holidays, HALLOWEEN and Walpurgisnacht are celebrated by the Church of Satan.|Anton LaVey, Founder of the church of Satan.}}


Satanists celebrate Halloween not because they are pagans, but because they hate [[Christfags]]. [[Divide by zero|Although not all Satanists are pagans, all pagans are Satanists]]. While pagans pretend to be ashamed of their brutal and bloody past, Satanists relish it and frequently commit gruesome murders in the name of [[Ebola-chan|Lucifer]].
Satanists celebrate Halloween not because they are pagans, but because they hate [[Christfags]]. [[Divide by zero|Although not all Satanists are pagans, all pagans are Satanists]]. While pagans pretend to be ashamed of their brutal and bloody past, Satanists relish it and frequently commit gruesome murders in the name of [[Ebola-chan|Lucifer]].
Line 230: Line 235:


But [[Hitler]] really did die on Walpurgisnacht. Coincidence? Not likely, since it was a suicide. The [[Nazi mysticism|rest of it]] is bullshit.
But [[Hitler]] really did die on Walpurgisnacht. Coincidence? Not likely, since it was a suicide. The [[Nazi mysticism|rest of it]] is bullshit.
{{clear}}


===SPECIAL MENTION===
===SPECIAL MENTION===
====Amanda Knox====
====Amanda Knox====
[[File:Amanda Knox.jpg|thumb|right|[[Amanda Knox]] a.k.a. '''Foxy Knoxy'''. And yes, she's over 18.]]
In Italy, Meredith Kercher was murdered by Amanda Knox on November 1st 2007, proving once again Satanists often get the date wrong. Meredith was killed because she refused to take part in [[threesome|sex games]] with Amanda and her boyfriend - despite the fact Amanda is clearly very fuckable.
In Italy, Meredith Kercher was murdered by Amanda Knox on November 1st 2007, proving once again Satanists often get the date wrong. Meredith was killed because she refused to take part in [[threesome|sex games]] with Amanda and her boyfriend - despite the fact Amanda is clearly very fuckable.


Line 246: Line 249:
|Uh they aren't Satanists. They're just devil worshipers. There is a difference.|Carolyn posting on the [[Daily Mail]] article.
|Uh they aren't Satanists. They're just devil worshipers. There is a difference.|Carolyn posting on the [[Daily Mail]] article.
}}</center>
}}</center>
{{clear}}


==Video==
==Video==
<center>{{fv|v1|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;|
<center><youtube>AxjXxz9GZFQ</youtube></center>
<youtube>hKRTRnJ-Rfs</youtube><br><b>Monster - Cover By Nyanners</b>|
<youtube>STjjwHFW5jY</youtube><br><b>It's The Great Dolemite Charlie Brown!</b>|
<youtube>Fi1uvKQOvdM</youtube><br><b>Michel Gagné's Insanely Twisted Shadow Puppets</b>|
<youtube>tB8D2QZ9lA4</youtube><br><b>Drone Prank</b>|
<youtube>AxjXxz9GZFQ</youtube><br><b>The Halloween Conspiracy</b>}}</center>
<br>


==Galleries==
==Gallery==
{{cg|Costumes - Adults|1|center|<gallery perrow="5">
{{cg|The Horror Show|HalloweenGallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Toilet costume.gif|Trick or treat : )
File:That Face You Make When It's Almost Halloween Munsters Meme.jpg
Image:Large pizza.jpg|Halfassed or genius?
File:Large pizza.jpg|Halfassed or genius?
Image:Wienerandballsman.jpg|It comes in kid's sizes too.
File:Wienerandballsman.jpg|It comes in kid's sizes too.
Image:1224812556611.jpg| HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!
File:1224812556611.jpg| HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!
Image:Black penis costume.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Balloon boy costume.jpg|[[Balloon boy]] was all the rage one year.
File:Trick or treating and they dont leave out Candy.jpg
Image:Zombie Obama Mask.jpg|How to frighten [[Liberals]] and [[conservatives]] at the same time.
File:Genericamericanboy.jpg|Liberal Halloween ideas
Image:Joker costume.jpg|[[Old meme]]
File:Michael Jackson Thriller.jpg|Nowadays, [[Michael Jackson]] will look even more authentic.
Image:VTechHalloweenCostume.jpg|[[VTech]] Halloween Costume.
File:Condom costume.jpg
Image:LittleManInABoat Costume.jpg|[[Clitoris|Little man in a boat]] costume.
File:Jack o rantern azn pumpkin.jpg|Even pumpkins get costumes!
Image:Totally Baked Potato.jpg
File:Black penis costume.jpg
Image:black batman halloween costume.jpeg|Dunna dunna Blackman
File:Ronghauntedhouse.jpg
Image:Chase no face mask by bellemaske.jpg|Nothing [[Chase 'No Face'|compared to the original]].  
File:Balloon boy costume.jpg|[[Balloon boy]] is all the rage this year.
Image:lame spiderman costume.jpg
File:Zombie Obama Mask.jpg|How to frighten [[Liberals]] and [[conservatives]] at the same time.
Image:ninja turtles costumes.jpg
File:Joker costume.jpg|[[Old meme]]
Image:ceiling cat fail costume.jpg
File:Vidya On Halloween.jpg|/v/ on Halloween.
Image:Halloweendidwtc.jpg
File:Scream Mask.jpg|French kiss?
Image:wolverine lolwut costume.jpg
File:Jason jacks off on halloween.jpg|Some people go out partying this week. [[You]] will be at home alone [[fapping]] (nothing unusual).
Image:smurfs bad costume.jpg
File:VampireFleshlight.jpg|And to help you ...
Image:optimus prime dumb costume.jpg
File:Frankenpenis.jpg|With extra nuts.
Image:halloween toilet costume.jpeg
File:Costumed Pedo Snatches Babby.jpg|[[Child abduction]] has never been easier than on Halloween!
Image:retarded spiderman costume.jpg
File:Halloween-porn-5.jpg
Image:Dicksuck costume.jpg
File:Halloween-porn-4.jpg
Image:Jesuschristhowhorrifyingbazinga.png|[[TBBT|Bazinga!]]
File:Halloween-porn-3.jpg
Image:Wtf japan costume.jpeg
File:Halloween-porn-2.jpg
Image:Pikachu costume.jpg
File:Halloween-porn-1.jpg
Image:Sockman costume.jpg
File:VTechHalloweenCostume.jpg|[[VTech]] Halloween Costume.
Image:Historical Halloween Costume.jpg|thumb|Back in the old days, Halloween costumes used to look like this. Genuinely fucking creepy.
File:LittleManInABoat Costume.jpg|[[Clitoris|Little man in a boat]] costume.
Image:Halloween_at_elderly_home.jpg|thumb|However, the [[old|elderly]] are reviving the old traditions of genuine fucking creepy
File:What do we say.jpg
Image:Chinese_food_cosplay.jpg
File:Totally Baked Potato.jpg
Image:Toastman.jpg
File:Pumpkin's life.jpg
Image:Halloween_-_Costumes_-_Adults_-_Aging_Wonder_Woman.jpg
file:suicidal bomber kid halloween costume.jpeg|For Allah
Image:Fucking ugly werewolf constume.jpg|All the better to eat you out my dear ...
file:black batman halloween costume.jpeg|Dunna dunna Blackman
Image:Creepy_doll_costume_family_photo_1950s.jpg
File:Theres always that one person who forgets the theme Halloween costumes memes.png
Image:SerialKillerBunny.jpg
Image:Clownscary.jpg
</gallery>}}
</gallery>}}
<br><br>
<br>
 
{{cg|Costumes - Kids|2|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:zipper face girl halloween costume.jpeg|Candy or gtfo
Image:Genericamericanboy.jpg|Liberal Halloween ideas
Image:Condom costume.jpg
Image:Costumed Pedo Snatches Babby.jpg|[[Child abduction]] has never been easier than on Halloween!
Image:suicidal bomber kid halloween costume.jpeg|For Allah
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Pepsi niglet costume.jpg
Image:Babyburger.jpg|Neverland security would call this the McJackson
</gallery>}}
<br><br>
 
{{cg|Comics|5|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:What do we say.jpg
Image:Halloweencandytoday.jpg
Image:Halloween_-_Comics_-_Harikari.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
</gallery>}}
<br><br>


{{cg|General|6|center|<gallery perrow="5">
{{cg|Worst Halloween Costumes|costumesGallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Pumpkin pumper.gif|This man came <strike>as</strike> in a pumpkin
File:smurfs bad costume.jpg
Image:Ronghauntedhouse.jpg
File:optimus prime dumb costume.jpg
Image:Vidya On Halloween.jpg|/v/ on Halloween.
File:halloween toilet costume.jpeg
File:Scottish students halloween 2017 costume warning.jpg
File:ninja turtles costumes.jpg
Image:Halloween-porn-1.jpg
File:retarded spiderman costume.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Michael Jackson Thriller.jpg|Nowadays, [[Michael Jackson]] will look even more authentic.
File:Chase no face mask by bellemaske.jpg|Nothing [[Chase 'No Face'|compared to the original]].  
File:That Face You Make When It's Almost Halloween Munsters Meme.jpg
File:lame spiderman costume.jpg
File:61-when-people-put-Christmas-decorations-up-before-halloween-funny-meme.jpg
File:ninja turtles costumes.jpg
File:Ghost costume fail.jpg
File:ceiling cat fail costume.jpg
Image:Halloween-porn-5.jpg
File:Halloweendidwtc.jpg
Image:Halloween-porn-4.jpg
File:wolverine lolwut costume.jpg
Image:Halloween-porn-3.jpg
File:trojan costume.jpg
Image:Halloween-porn-2.jpg
File:Pepsi niglet costume.jpg
File:Halloween Jew.png
file:zipper face girl halloween costume.jpeg|Candy or gtfo
Image:Scream Mask.jpg|French kiss?
File:Toilet costume.gif|Trick or treat : )
Image:Jason jacks off on halloween.jpg|Some people go out partying this week. [[You]] will be at home alone [[fapping]] (nothing unusual).
File:Dicksuck costume.jpg
Image:VampireFleshlight.jpg|And to help you ...
File:Jesuschristhowhorrifyingbazinga.png|[[TBBT|Bazinga!]]
Image:Frankenpenis.jpg|With extra nuts.
File:Wtf japan costume.jpeg
Image:Pumpkin's life.jpg
File:Pikachu costume.jpg
Image:Funny-Halloween-Meme-3.jpg
File:Sockman costume.jpg
Image:Nosferatu-yesferatu-classic-vampirememe-18123884.png
File:Halloween with brian peppers.jpg
Image:Pedos_-_Plushiphile_Bait.jpg|This looks like a safe house!
Image:Pedos_-_Safe_Place.jpg
Image:Creepydarkgif.gif
Image:Helpeye.jpg
Image:Now_do_you_remember_by_deaddeaddeaddead.jpg
Image:DeadBoyIsDead.jpg
Image:Honest_candy.jpg|Honest Candy Labels
</gallery>}}
</gallery>}}
<br><br>
{{cg|Art|8|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Iamlegend.JPG
Image:1191104052615.jpg|Bobbing for apples.
Image:M-M-MINDFUCK.gif
Image:Tree_skull.jpg
Image:Creepy_Scream.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Anime_spider.jpg
Image:Creepywoman.gif
Image:WhenNightFalls.jpg
</gallery>}}
<br><br>


==External Links==
==External Links==
[[File:Jimmy savile pumpkin lantern halloween.jpg|thumb|right|300px|No good can come of [[Jimmy Savile|someone born on Halloween...]]]]
[[File:Jimmy savile pumpkin lantern halloween.jpg|thumb|right|300px|No good can come of [[Jimmy Savile|someone born on Halloween...]]]]
*[http://archive.fo/2s9xo What to do if you run into trouble on Halloween]
*[http://www.wtv-zone.com/hoko/hallorules.html What to do if you run into trouble on Halloween]
*[http://archive.fo/KGWAF Hanged doll turns out to be real]
*[http://www.halloweenghoststories.com/legends/strange1-1.html Hanged doll turns out to be real]
*[http://uk.askmen.com/top_10/dating_150/178_dating_list.html Sex positions for Halloween]
*[http://uk.askmen.com/top_10/dating_150/178_dating_list.html Sex positions for Halloween]
*[http://archive.fo/bmV0I Retarded halloween costumes]
*[http://www.wtfcostumes.com/type/stupid/ Retarded halloween costumes]
*[http://archive.fo/XvBNl This year go as Balloon boy!]
*[http://www.coloradoan.com/article/20091021/NEWS01/910210340/Company-sells--balloon-boy--Halloween-costume-on-Internet This year go as Balloon boy!]
*{{ytlink|l8Qcc9Nw-Z0|Really cool costume}}
*{{ytlink|PgQCY1k5c|Really cool costume}}
*[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/in_the_know_has_halloween_become Has Halloween become over-commercialized?]
*[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/in_the_know_has_halloween_become Has Halloween become over-commercialized?]


== See Also ==
== See Also ==
*[[Olchai]]
*[[Olchai]]
*[[Halloween franchise]]
*[[Halloween franchise]]
Line 391: Line 344:
*[[Skeleton]]
*[[Skeleton]]
*[[Witch]]
*[[Witch]]
*[[Krampus]]
*[[Dance In The Vampire Bund]]


{{goth}}
{{religion}}
{{religion}}
{{Timeline|Featured Article October 31, [[2009]]|[[Ty Cobb]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[TrollsOfTerror]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article October 31, [[2009]]|[[Ty Cobb]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[TrollsOfTerror]]}}
{{timeline|Featured Article October 31, [[2012]]|[[OldDirtyBtard]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[SANDYLOOTCREW|#SANDYLOOTCREW]]}}
{{timeline|Featured article October 31, [[2012]]|[[OldDirtyBtard]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[SANDYLOOTCREW|#SANDYLOOTCREW]]}}
{{timeline|Featured Article October 30 and 31, [[2014]]|[[NeoGAF]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Gawker Media]]}}
{{timeline|[[AOTN|Featured article]] October 30 and 31, [[2014]]|[[NeoGAF]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Gawker Media]]}}
{{timeline|Featured Article October 31 &  November 1, [[2017]]|[[Goth]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Sayfullo Saipov]]}}
{{timeline|[[AOTN|Featured article]] October 31 and November 1, [[2017]]|[[Goth]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Sayfullo Saipov]]}}
{{timeline|Featured Article October 31 &  November 1, [[2018]]|[[Misfits]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Bourg Productions]]}}
{{timeline|[[AOTN|Featured article]] October 31 and November 1, [[2018]]|[[Misfits]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Bourg Productions]]}}
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]

Revision as of 12:18, 26 December 2020


Kids being kids
File:Child corpse.jpg
What your child is likely going to look like after a night of Trick-or-treating.

Halloween or CHILD PURGE DAY is that special time of year we run over children at twice the rate of any other day of the year. This is largely done as a means of population control dressed up as a fun filled, candy scarfing, spooky festival of giggles and laughter... at least up until the point at which your child winds up permanently plastered across the pavement like a bright red jelly stain. Every day for the rest of your life, whenever you get behind the wheel of a car and look at the road... you'll see their squashed little faces, heads popped open like a grape, their brains smeared all over the roadway. You can take comfort, though, in your ritual sacrifice to Satan himself, knowing your dead children will help bring forth a bountiful harvest and keep demons from Dahmering your goats or... some crazy assed Pagan shit.

Don't worry about taking any responsibility for your dead children either, because the media, the police, hell even the government has got you covered! Throughout the whole month of October they'll constantly cram into your vacuous little head every irrational, nonsensical, completely improbable, statistically irrelevant danger and urban legend they can think of to completely distract you from the fact that having your spergbrood ground into the asphalt is the leading cause of death amongst the ankle biter population.

From razors and glass embedded into candy, to poisoned treats, to horrifically dangerous marijuana edibles that will do... absolutely nothing actually; but apparently law enforcement agencies across the country feel inclined to waste millions of dollars in tax payer money trying to warn you of the completely nonexistent danger of getting high on a totally non-addictive substance that's utterly impossible to overdose on.

For anyone not under the age of 16, Halloween is a time to revel in extensive debauchery. It is highly encouraged you get absolutely shitfaced, wear next to nothing, and vomit on hot sluts before attempting to drive home drunk, alone and empty inside. With any luck you'll inadvertently go crotch biscuit bowling with your car and purge at least six or eight of the snot faced little hellspawns.


Children

Due to recent events, children should be safer this Halloween.

Halloween is one of the favorite holidays for most children - combining the candy from Easter with the undeserved presents from Christmas. Responsible adults should always be safe on Halloween while making sure the children have fun:

  • Wait until nightfall
  • Dress them up so nobody will recognize them
  • Force them to walk around in a sea of children no one is supervising
  • Travel to a stranger's house
  • Allow the children to ask them for candy
  • Threaten to vandalize their homes if they don't
  • The creepier the house and its occupants look - the better
  • Amp them up with sugar
  • Devil's night, watch 'em empty houses go ablaze.

Costumes


  • This is the sort of half-assed shit you see nowadays.
    This is the sort of half-assed shit you see nowadays.
  • That's more like it. Still not right though
    That's more like it. Still not right though
  • Full marks
    Full marks


It is common for children in the 6-10 year-old demographic to dress up for Halloween, usually as ghosts, demons, witches, ghouls, vampires and other similar things. However, costumes which have literally fuck-all to do with Halloween such as pirates and fairies are unfortunately common. This is one of the easier ways to spot a concerned mother.

Weaboos and other types of virgins like to take advantage of the holiday to dress up as their favorite game or animu star which helps them to cope with their own unfulfilled desires of being unable get their parents to drive them to conventions so they can roleplay with other game and animu fags. One of the few times no one complains about furries is on Halloween.


Furries & Otherkin

One of the few times no one complains about furries is on Halloween

Traditionally Halloween is the time of year evil spirits and monsters rise up from damnation to walk among the living - such is the case with furries and otherkin. Because Halloween is the one time of year normal people dress up as werewolves, demons and vampires it is easy for the usual sick fucks to rise up from their underground lair to pretend they are normal. Adult babies have also been known to turn up at this time of year. Although they may look the same as others, they will still act their same faggy way, so pay close attention.

Most worryingly alcohol is often served at Halloween parties and stolen by stoned teenagers. If you become intoxicated at this dangerous time of year it is easy to become an unwitting victim in a yiff pile.

Women Most Notably The College Girl

If you have a decent body, the whole goal is for you to find the smallest, tightest, sluttiest costume you can fit into that can be removed and put back on you easily, if you're lucky you won't need to know why or remember it. While at the Halloween party remember to do your damnedest to look like a whore, act like a whore, drink like a whore and pass out between 60 to 90 minutes into the party after 6 or 7 drinks because this is the first time you've been to a party and ever drank alcohol in your life. Go on. YOLO, bitch. Btw, remember to stick to sweet drinks, that way you won't taste the saltiness of the GHB. These are your college years, go out, have fun and remember the Frat Boy code: it's easier for her to bury the truth when she has no memory of it.

Hopefully you're good and drunk so that you won't wake up when you get dragged to the basement, or an out of sight room, making this a night to remember for some nerd and all his friends on Twitter when he entertains them with a live feed. For the next 4 years everyone will know about that heart shaped mole you have just above your cooze.

PROTIP: stock up on The Morning After Pill and revel in your new found infamy. You're a certified slut now! When you graduate with your degree in English Literature, you can use this experiance to explain why you are a lesbian in End-Rhyme poetry that tells how the rug burns on your back (from being dragged) hurt more than your vagina the day after losing your virginity. Go ahead, cut his balls off metaphorically. Revel in knowing that he might read this when you suggest that you were secretly awake as you let the ink fly informing the literary world, all 3 of your family members, that he failed himself as a man and you as a woman. Before you end, don't forget the call to your Lesbian sisters to castrate their sons and brothers to finally cure this male insanity.

Look at that. Just like a Harold Robbins novel. One Halloween spent as a slut and your whole life is mapped out for you.



The ED Do It Yourself Costume Guide

    • The David Carradine: You will need a plastic bag, duck tape and Vaseline.

Take the plastic bag and put it over your head. Using the duck tape, make a tight seal around your neck, and using the Vaseline, quickly start playing with your dick until you pass out and die.

    • The Human Torch: You will need oily rags and a lighter

Take the oily rags and pin them to your clothes. Use lighter to set self on fire. If you're black, start running down the street and this instantly becomes the Richard Pryor If you're black and playing Richard Pryor,Lucky You because your goal is to get life flighted to a burn unit. If you're white or playing the Human Torch, you must run into a highly combustible building like a paper factory and cause it to burn down.

    • The Inner-city black Man: You will only need shoe polish

Paint your skin black using the shoe polish. Go outside and scream, "Fuck You Pig," to a cop. Get shot.

    • The Suburban White Man: You will need movie quality caucasian face paints, makeup and a wig.

As a black man take caucasian paints and make up to paint yourself to look white, dont forget your wig. Watch your credit score jump to 700. Even better, walk into a bank carrying a brief case an go crazy with how many loans you are offered.

    • The Timothy Leary: You will need a 1/4 Kilo of Weed. A 1960s Beatles Style Jacket with a Chinese collar. Vintage jeans.

Dress yourself up in the classic clothes. Smoke dope until you're good and stoned then file a lawsuit against the U.S. Government to legalize drugs.

Get a job at Marvel Comics. Bring diversity to comics. When their sales shitcan, blame the readers for being closed minded idiots.

    • The Male Porn Actor: You will need a bag of nuts and glue

Break up all the nuts you can and then glue these busted nuts to your face and back. Voila, you just finished filming a gay porn. Really committ to your costume by only wearing a bananna hammock. You're allowed to stuff it, it is Halloween.

    • The An Hero: You will need a gun or another suitable weapon.

Wait for the middle hours of candy begging when the most kids are out. Go batshit crazy and start killing kids. Try to get the high-score. Just before the police close in on you, kill yourself. If you're really planning on this costume, how about you forget about the kids, pin a note to your chest that says, "I'm an Halloween an hero," and kill yourself while sitting in a lawn chair, on your porch, with a bowl of candy in your lap.


Lol, Minorities About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Movies

Another Halloween tradition is the viewing of horror films. The horror genre is perfect for this holiday, for it tends to usually revolve around the same subject matter, as well as being just as tasteless. Christian pussies tend to shy away from such films, and have even gone as far as to say that they'll become demonically possessed if they watch them.

Poisoned Candy

Not all candy is poisoned. Some of it is just full of hidden razorblades.
Ever wonder why pixie sticks are so addictive?

Aside from pretending to be a witch or vampire (which is only acceptable for kids under 14) the main treat on Halloween is candy, even after being told for the rest of the year it's wrong to take sweets from strangers.

Some argue stories of poisoned candy are just urban legends to make Halloween seem more scary. This is a lie. During the 1970s many children died from eating home-made sweets laced with drugs or poison - including 5-year-old Kevin Tostan who ate candy containing heroin. Luckily vigilant parents are able to spot these dangerous sweets as they all bear a distinctive blue star. If you receive an e-mail about such sweets pass them on as quickly as possible.

Timothy O'Brian

In 1974 8-year-old Timothy O'Brian died after eating a Halloween sweet laced with cyanide. His father claimed he received the treat from a house in Texas - but when police investigated the house, it turned out to be abandoned. It also turned out the boy's father had taken out $20,000 life insurance policy on his son and had attempted to poison him and was due to be executed on Halloween 1982.

Religions

File:Halloween christfags.png
Damn those Christians for screwing with our religion.

Pagans

   
“ 		 
Halloween. That was the eve of Samhain ... firstborn children were sacrificed ... Samhain eve was a night of dread and danger.
  		„
  		 

—National Geographic (1977).

   
“ 		 
Therefore we cannot too highly appreciate our debt to the Romans for having put an end to this monstrous cult, whereby to murder a man was an act of the greatest devoutness, and to eat his flesh most beneficial.
  		„
  		 

—Pliny Natural History.

   
“ 		 
Since they are man-eaters as well as heavy eaters, and since, further, they count it an honorable thing, when their fathers die, to devour them, and openly to have intercourse, not only with the other women, but also with their mothers and sisters.
  		„
  		 

—Strabo Geography.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

A few hundred years ago Pagans would celebrate the end of summer by honoring the dead - mainly by adding a few more dead people. Human sacrifice was the main event of Halloween. You will notice the above quotes come not from fundamentalist Jesus freaks but from magazines and books dedicated to science and history. Modern pagans will tell you this is a lie - but would you rather believe reputable journalists and historians or a 16 year old wiccan who believes she can cast hexes?

Christians




   
“ 		 
I think we ought to close Halloween down. Do you want your children to dress up as witches? The Druids used to dress up like this when they were doing human sacrifice ... The children are acting out Satanic rituals and participating in it, and don't even realize it.
  		„
  		 

—Pat Robertson The 700 Club

   
“ 		 
The Bible says they were to stone the person for enticing - not because they had been worshiping. That is strict! So what should our response be to those who want us to go trick or treating with them or to celebrate any holiday that has a basis in paganism? We are not to do so.
  		„
  		 

—BTW astrology and Christmas trees are evil too.

   
“ 		 
Instead of celebrating, what's a Christian to do on Satan's feast day? PRAY! Intercession and spiritual warfare should be the first item on our agenda. It is NOT a last resort!
  		„
  		 

—Pray for the occultists.

   
“ 		 
It's Halloween. To most people it seems like harmless fun. But, beneath Halloween's candy coating is a history of diabolical evil, evil that is directly connected to the occult and Satanism, evil that you need to be warned of!
  		„
  		 

—HARM OF HALLOWEEN Like eating too much candy.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Those Crazy Bible-Thumpers

Some Christians do not celebrate Halloween as they despise anything which resembles fun. Because they are not allowed to dress up and eat candy, Christians celebrate Halloween by burning evil books, including books written by the Pope and Mother Teresa and Bibles (except the King James version).

Some argue November the 1st - All Saint's Day - has been combined with Halloween to remember the souls of the dead, especially dead martyred Christians, so there is nothing immoral about celebrating Halloween. Despite this, the day is pretty much ignored since it's mostly a boring version of Day of the Dead (which is itself a boring as fuck version of Halloween).

Satanists

Get your own fucking holiday.
A satanist admires his dark lord and master.
Amanda Knox a.k.a. Foxy Knoxy. And yes, she's over 18.
All the better to eat you out my dear ...
   
“ 		 
Two major holidays, HALLOWEEN and Walpurgisnacht are celebrated by the Church of Satan.
  		„
  		 

—Anton LaVey, Founder of the church of Satan.

Satanists celebrate Halloween not because they are pagans, but because they hate Christfags. Although not all Satanists are pagans, all pagans are Satanists. While pagans pretend to be ashamed of their brutal and bloody past, Satanists relish it and frequently commit gruesome murders in the name of Lucifer.

Anton LaVey also died on Halloween. Coincidence?

Yes - he actually died on October 29th but the date was changed on his death certificate to make him look more hardcore.

But Hitler really did die on Walpurgisnacht. Coincidence? Not likely, since it was a suicide. The rest of it is bullshit.

SPECIAL MENTION

Amanda Knox

In Italy, Meredith Kercher was murdered by Amanda Knox on November 1st 2007, proving once again Satanists often get the date wrong. Meredith was killed because she refused to take part in sex games with Amanda and her boyfriend - despite the fact Amanda is clearly very fuckable.

Amanda later confessed to the murder in front of a jury completely surprised that stabbing someone to death could be so messy.

   
“ 		 
I heard that she had her throat slit and from what I saw in CSI these things are not quick or pleasant so I said, gosh . . . bleargh . . . this brutality, this death . . . bleargh . . . it really did shock me.
  		„
  		 

—TV lied to me!

   
“ 		 
I couldn’t be prouder of my daughter. It went very well. We all had a chance to see who Amanda really is.
  		„
  		 

—Amanda's father Curt Knox. No really.

   
“ 		 
Uh they aren't Satanists. They're just devil worshipers. There is a difference.
  		„
  		 

—Carolyn posting on the Daily Mail article.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Video

The Horror Show About missing Pics
  • Halfassed or genius?
    Halfassed or genius?
  • It comes in kid's sizes too.
    It comes in kid's sizes too.
  • HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!
    HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Worst Halloween Costumes About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
No good can come of someone born on Halloween...

See Also


Halloween
is part of a series on
Obscure Religions
Click topics to expand:

Major Religions • Minor Religions • Trollianity • Deities • Religious Icons • Other Religions • Related Articles

Links to separate templates:

Christianity • Judaism • Islam • Atheism • Scientology • Cults • Portal of Truth

Featured article October 31, 2009
Preceded by
Ty Cobb 		Halloween Succeeded by
TrollsOfTerror
Featured article October 31, 2012
Preceded by
OldDirtyBtard 		Halloween Succeeded by
#SANDYLOOTCREW
Featured article October 30 and 31, 2014
Preceded by
NeoGAF 		Halloween Succeeded by
Gawker Media
Featured article October 31 and November 1, 2017
Preceded by
Goth 		Halloween Succeeded by
Sayfullo Saipov
Featured article October 31 and November 1, 2018
Preceded by
Misfits 		Halloween Succeeded by
Bourg Productions
Happy Halloween
Break a leg
Retrieved from "https://edramatica.com/index.php?title=Halloween&oldid=47038"