Modern Warfare 3

Seriously

Behold, No-dick's greatest achivement.

Modern Warfare 3 (AKA: Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2: Electric Boogaloo DLC, Generic Shooter 3, Modern Warfare 2.5, Cowadooty Rehashed Warfare 2.5 DLC, Call of Duty: Same Shit Every Year 3, Money Wasted 3, Soap and Price Save The World, and Campsite Simulator the Game 3: Still Camping), is the highly successful and JEWGOLDS-generating sequel to Modern Warfare 2 and it prides itself on being MOAR REALISTICAL THAN THE LAST GAEM WITH BETTAR GRAPHICS ND' GUNPLAYYY XD!!1!!. Relying on an archaic engine from at least 100 years ago, this game promises to offer you a totally different experience than any other CoD game, intense gunplay, squad tactics, a deep and engaging story line, and hundreds of hours of multiplayer fun. OH WAIT, JUST KIDDING. This thing is, once again, the same fucking thing as last time, and is held together soley by the massive jizz generated by the orgy of the millions that paid for this shitstain. The graphics look about as good as CoD4's, which was made in FUCKING 2007. The story is typical of CoD, Commie Russians fuck shit up, and you have to stop them! AMERICA FTW. but really, it is really the same thing as last time, by that I mean shit. Also, on the PC this thing was promoted as having dedicated servers, but in fact, those dedicated servers are only for unranked games, so if you want to unlock shit, you have to play on IWNET. The leveling system is also asspie-worthy, making it so you have to level up universally to get unlocks for guns, instead of just using the guns you like and getting unlocks for those guns.

Change number on title, call it a sequel.

Record breaking sales? You bet, asshole. Fucking 45 million copies. According to the sales records, you and everybody in your home owns at least three copies, which is the only statistical improvement from Modern Warfare 2.

Just like the iPhone 4S, this game is the epitome of copypasta.

Production

1. Open MW2 file
2. Save as "MW3"
3. Be lazy and add a hastily drawn silhouette of a soldier on the title. Add snow effects so people will think that the background is white instead of nonexistent.
4. ????
5. Profit!

Campaign

If only this man and his opposition were featured within the campaign.

In the same way 1970s gaming was full of pong clones, the 2010s will be plagued with FPS war-games that are all the fucking same.

Similar to Modern Warfare 2's attempt at displaying the srs bsn of war within the mission No Russian. Modern Warfare 3 attempts an eqauly pathetic attempt at pulling at gamer's heart strings by blowing up some loli.

Poorly made and lasting wasting 4 hours on even Hardcore difficulty. It also contains Frenchies who, of course, can't fucking fight for themselves, so the world's next shittiest army is called in to defend them. The game (being a poorly created mod of MW2, itself a poorly created mod of CoD 4/World at War, thereby making it double poor), apart from some reskinned weapons/equipment/etc. and new shitty multiplayer maps that are far too small and cluttered, has ABSOLUTELY NO change at all from Modern Warfare 2's gameplay. Even the fucking HUD was copy-pasta'd directly from MW2, and you STILL can't lean.

Difficulty levels

Because Infinity Ward wants to make the game seem longer by increasing difficulty to hide that fact that it's 5 minutes long, right?

• Recruit: You will never be killed on this difficulty by anything, even a freaking RPG shot to the face, unless you're a fucking idiot.
• Regular: Same difficulty as Recruit, but with more enemies and shit like that.
• Hardened: Despite how normally difficult this setting is, you'll still complete the campaign in less than 10 seconds flat, unless you're a total retard.
• Veteran: MORE LIKE SUPERFUCKYOUMODE!!!!!!! Grenade spam has been jacked up to insane levels, wait Infinity Ward, you made this game like Treyarch (More like Gayarch amirite?) difficulty level?!

Missions

Mission 1 – Everyone shoots the fuck out of Wall Street, which has been taken over by Russians, and Frost destroys a satellite dish to deprive the invading Russians of porn.

Mission 2 – OMG UNDERWATER!!1111!!ONE!! Frost and company navigate their way through the dead hookers, shopping carts, needles, and other shit in New York Harbor in order to infiltrate a giant Russian dildo, put 9mm of hot lead into all its occupants and turn its weapons against the Russian fleet.

Mission 3 – Yuri and Price stop Soap dying of GRIDS and fucking pwn Makarov’s genocidal faggots with a drone with a rape-mounted turret. Oh and it’s in India so everything smells of curry and tech support.

Mission 4 – Putin PUTIN WOULD NEVER BE CAPTURED. Some new Russfag is on a plane on its way to sign a peace treaty with the West and end the drama and lulz, but ultranationalists try to hijack it. It crashes and Makarov captures Putin to get launch codes because his penis is small and he wants to compensate and kill people.

Mission 5 – Price, Yuri and Soap go to Africa to stop a consignment of gas from getting to the UK, but they fail and it gets away.

Mission 6 – SAS mission in London to stop the release of the gas, which fails, but does feature kick-ass British accents. This mission caused some of the Britfag old media to BAWWWWWW because it's supposedly like the July 7th 2005 bombing, because God forbid, somebody has a 'Nam-style flashback about a bombing.

Mission 7 – Not really a mission, but it does feature an Americunt loli and her parents getting pwnt by a fart bomb. Players can skip this mission if they are fucking crybabies.

Mission 8 – Ivan rolls into Berlin just like in the good old days and captures Joe Biden, so Sandman and rest of Delta go in to rescue him. Also, due to lazy coding, this mission actually causes your game to crash if you take an improper route.

Mission 9 – Price, Yuri and Soap kill moar niggers and choke their leader with gas to get him to tell them who to kill next before shooting him in the head anyway.

Mission 10 – The Russians are in Paris and the French have been destroyed (surprise, surprise). Then like always, America goes in to save the French and capture Volk, Makarov's bomb maker. You eventually get Volk after a block-long chase, ramming his car into a wreck with a police van, and beating the shit out of him, just for the lulz.

Mission 11 – You’re in an AC-130 and you get to pwn the fuck out of Russians and Paris, causing epic lulz. Also, you knock down the Effel Tower and nobody cares about it.

Mission 12 – Price, Yuri and Soap are in the Czech Republic for cheap hookers and blow and to hook up with Czech resistance fighters in preparation for raping Makarov to death. Tons of resistance fighters get massacred by tanks, APCs, and Makarov's genocidal faggots.

Mission 13 – Yuri tries to do a JFK on Makarov but is foiled when Kamarov is used as an improvised Jihad device and OMG SOAP DIES FUCKFUCKFUCKOMFGOMFG!!!1!111ONE You also see Yuri’s flashbacks to when he was Makarov’s gay lover setting off nukes, massacring civilians, and generally doing things for the lulz, but he turns against Makarov, who, knowing he will be a major character, shoots him in the stomach instead of the head like he does to everybody else.

Mission 14 – Price and Yuri infiltrate a castle to find Makarov and find Putin getting raped and hear the plan to rape Putin's daughter too in order to get launch codes. They get discovered, people get capped, and everything blows up, blah, blah blah.

Mission 15 – Super mega D-Force move to protect Putin's daughter in Berlin from ultranationalist rape but fails hard and she gets captured. Despite being the third or so mission playing in Germany, that's the only scene you only get to see awesome Nazi tanks for about 2 minutes before a building falls on them.

Mission 16 – Everyone goes to save Putin, his daughter, and stuff from the ultranationalists holding them and save the day and all that shit. Oh, and if you didn't read the top of the page: THE DELTA TEAM DIES IS MIA.

Mission 17 – Price and Yuri go Rambo in an Arab hotel and fucking pwn everyone to kill Makarov. Makarov is about to fuck Price's shit up. Yuri shoots and wounds Makarov but gets shot up. Price then slaps Makarov's shit around, ties a winch cord around Makarov’s neck and breaks the glass to score a one hit kill. As Makarov’s corpse is left hanging, Price lights up a blunt to celebrate the ownage. Roll credits.

Also, because MW3's multiplayer is so broken, unreliable, unenjoyable, and overall so frustrating that you'd rather chop your own legs off with a dull spoon than play it, single player is really the only thing remotely worth playing here, and even that is a lump of shit, too. So bootleg your copy of this game today in the event you ever want to personally see how horrible this game is. You'll save $60 AND you'll deny Activision their Jew Golds.

Characters of importance

Typical of any developer of FPS games, Infinity Whore'd puts characters we've already seen in the other 7 games into this one, except give them different skins and new voice actors. Here's the list of Characters that deserve any mention at all.

What used to be Task Force 141

• "Soap" Mactavish: Playable character in the other 2 games, dies in the third. Despite being a Mary Sue, he had a badass moment when he pulled a kinfe out of his chest to kill a guy. Dies from a boo-boo that your character suffers, yet is combat capable.

• John Price: On the run with Soap, insane bastard. Old English guy, no emotion whatsoever. Only when Soap dies in the middle of the game. Only man he ever cared for.

Loyalists

• Nikolai: Yeah, he's back. Right now, leading the band of assorted faggots who said "Fuck that shit" to the ultranationalists' whole "take over the world" agenda.

• Kamarov: Much like Nikolai, this Russfag returns as the leader of the Czech rebels. Instead of being a major character like in CoD4, he has three lines of dialog and shows up in one mission and is seen through a scope on the other. If you still didn't read the top: HE DIES AFTER MAKAROV STRAPS A BOMB ON HIM AND BLOWS IT UP WHEN PRICE TRIES TO AMBUSH HIM IN THE MEETING.

• Yuri: Ex-Ultranationalist Russfag who was retconned into every major event before this one. Nonchalantly killed by Makarov at the end.

Ultranationalists

• Makarov: The villain of this game. Price gets all butthurt and strangles him like a nigger in the end because he raped both Yuri and Soap.

• Volk: Guy who supplies Makarov with the poision gas used in the London attack. Owned by Sandman in Paris by, and I'm not fucking kidding, shooting his car several million times, running into it at full speed, flipping it over and T-boning it into a wall. To add to the realism, HE WALKS OUT ALIVE AND UNINJURED.

• Waraabe Some nigger in Africa who sells poison gas. Shot in the face by Price.

SAS

• Marcus Burns: Another underdeveloped character. Britfag who's trying to find out who farted or something to do with gas.

• Wallcroft: The badass SAS Britfag of the game. Was in CoD4 briefly. Also is trying to find out who farted with Burns.

• "Baseplate" MacMillan: Captain Price's oldfag Scat-tish friend who he saved in Grenade of Grenade 4: Modern Grenade is now screaming at Burns and Wallcroft to do shit. Although he lost his badassery.

Delta Force

• Derek 'Frost' Westbrook: Faceless, meaningless character. This game's playable character. Gets yelled at for shooting crappy AI squad mates that run into fire anyways.

• Sandman: The oldfag commander who Frost is commanded by. A Delta force operator and apparent badass, though he gets raped by a mine collapse in the end.

• Grinch: The group's marksman and acts as the Gaz/Ghost of this game (by that we mean the hilarious/sarcastic dick). He doesn't get a magnum shoved up his ass like the two, but instead dies after having flaming rocks fall on him, and the rest of Delta team dies along with him.

• Truck: Everyone who developed MW2 learned that players don't really appreciate some stereotypical nigger barking on the radio all the time, telling them to defend Burger Town and take down tanks with a flash bang. In contrast to MW2's sergeant Foley, Truck's the only unique nigger in the game but he isn't in charge, isn't ordering you around to do everything while he sits in a corner to piss you off all day spamming the team's radio, and overall never really speaks much, which is how niggers should be.

FSO

• Andrei Harkov: Part of the small mission to protect Putin and his daughter in the presidential plane. He gets pwned by Makarov after realizing that the evac chopper sent for them was actually with the Ultranationalists and he gets shot after opening the door. He almost manages to kill Makarov but was too fucking slow to draw his pistol at him and he get shot yet again.

Average Modern Warfare players

Special (Ed) Ops

You can't chat/voice chat, so good luck playing with 11 year old 1337 kids.

Survival mode

Copy Pasta of Zombies but with endless waves of mercenaries, roflcopters, and Juggernauts with the strength of an elephant.(Infinity Ward's pathetic attempt to make a game mode just like treyarch.)Nobody plays this game mode anyway.

Special missions

MW3's developers realizing that there is no way that this game will entice anyone for more than an hour because even their fans are getting tired of the same shit over the years, implemented a series of missions that are either new or happened somewhere in-between the events of original campaign. It's designed to add some longevity to the gameplay by implementing ultra-frustrating missions that will force you to play it again, again, again, again, and again until you either barely succeed or rip your arms off and rage quit.

Features from this game were also copypasta'd to MW3.

Multiplayer

All anyone cares about. Infinity Whore'd and their helpers at Sludgehammer games to replace the 9040 workers who resigned last May introduced new game modes to further please the asspie and/or ADD ridden fan base that at the conclusion of the 10 minute campaign would shift their attention elsewhere.

tl;dr it's the same shit from the last 7 games but kids will still get their parents to buy it anyways.

How to play!

1. Select your Assault Rifle of your choice! (A SCAR-L is preferred but the Type 95/MP7 are fine, too Use the ACR for hardcore matches)

2. Slap a Silencer on it and Portable Radar.

3. Select Juggernaut Recon Support package and sit in corner, waiting for enemies to come by.

4. ????

5. PROFIT

Factions

S.A.S - aka Slutty Aids Syndrome , a group of butthurt britfags who are always against Commies. Gaycroft Ghost Gaz as the announcer.

Spetsnaz - A group of drunken commies yelling "GRANATA!!!" and "SNIPERR!!!!" every 2 seconds, features the return of the infamous AC130 ABOVE!!!!!!!!!!1111one announcer.

Inner Circle - Copy/Paste of Spetsnaz only with Makarov as the announcer.

Delta Force - THE MOST BADASS FACTION OF THE GAME, you play as a group of shittily equipped Americunts, Sandman Gayman as the announcer, talks like the game is serious business.

African Militia - A group of niggers, has a nigger announcer with p00r english skills.

GIGN - Bunch of frenchifags talking in very strong accent so you can't understand shit. They always lose like IRL

PMC - Just a bunch of retards who aren't even in the game.

DLC

Yep, apparently the Elite plan and the game didn't make enough money for the Jews at Activision. So they're releasing a shitty map pack. And guess what? All the maps included in the pack have been played the shit out of.

Here's the sampling of fail in this already overpriced DLC!

• Shipment: Remember seeing at least 100 grenade indicators at once? Remember spawning with Grenade x3, martyrdom and Sonic Boom and spamming grenades before dying? Yep, that map's back.
• Crossfire: Get killed by quickscopers with aimbots over, and over, and over, AND OVER.
• Terminal: An utter campfest. Spawn trap the Deltas with grenades on Headquarters.
• Favela: A Spic poor hood that caused rage due to OMA/DC/N00b t00bz campers back in '09.

Players

Modern Warfare 3 is known for the vast varieties of playstyles that can be accommodated by perks and killstreaks that suit your particular playstyle.

Here's the list of playstyles that can be found in MW3 and what they will most likely be using.

• Campers: The second most common player type. Campers hide like a bitch in a corner with a Claymore as their primary Grenade and a Portable Radar/Scrambler as their special grenade, while waiting for a player to run by and proceed to spam rape them to death with their silenced SCAR-Ls and CM901s.

• Quickscopers: Another commonly seen player type, even more of these annoying sons of bitches are seen than ever as Quickdraw basically zooms in their sights faster than it takes a horny 13 year old to blow his load in Prussian Blue's vagoo. The only two weapons that these 5 year olds are seen with are the L118A and the MSR if they're level 66, because "SEMI AUTO SNIPERZ ARE FER FUKKIN SCRUBZ!1!!!!ONE!!!!!"

• Rusher: Be warned CoD 1337 veterans, all weapons have been souped up to have Stopping Power on by default, so anyone who wants to qualify as a rusher can just run up to you with the biggest LMG/Assault Rifle possible before shitspamming bullets at you and killing you within a blink of an eye.

• Griefers/Trolls: You can easily tell if someone is a griefer by seeing him spawn on Hardcore Search and Destroy with a SMAW/RPG-7.

• Noob: Once again is the most common player type. Noobs employ the tactics of said playstyles above, but fail hard at succeeding at them, and proceed to scream over the mic about how it's "ZOMG NAWT MY FAULT THAT I RUSH INTO A JUGGERNAUT!!!!!!1!!ONE!! Weapons used are the biggest Machine Guns they can find, Noob Tubes Pro pipes and Pistols included, Tactical knifes, UMPs, and the worst of the worst, Screeching pre adolescent micspam.

Game modes

Average Gamemodes

Team Deathmatch - Point and shoot at the opposite team. Just like before.

Kill Confirmed - Yep. They were lazy enough to actually rename TDM and call it a new gametype. Oh, and this time in order to get credit for a kill, you must T-bag your opponents.

Capture the Flag -Don't even try it, you will be annihilated upon stepping within at least 100 miles of it.

Headquarters Pro - Get spawn killed over, and over, and over, AND OVER again with the worst spawns in any COD with the the shittiest maps to date.

Domination - Campfest. Sit on a flag, it becomes yours, get killed. Respawn and repeat! No time limit, either.

Search and Destroy - Trollfest. Kill your teammates on Hxc S&D. All HC Gamemodes got nerfed so you kill yourself when you attempt to kill your teammates, leading to lulz for your enemies if you kill yourself with the feature.

Team Defender - Same as "Kill Confirmed", another ripoff in a desperate attempt to look fresh. There is no difference between this and CTF.

Drop Zone - You and your team need to stick your cocks into a designated spot on the map and every 20-30 seconds a Care Package is awarded for your gangbanging.

Advanced Gamemodes

One in the Chamber - One bullet, three lives. Gain lives after kills. Of course, you won't get any kills. One of Black Ops' Wager Match modes, but without the gambling, or the reason the reason it was actually worth something when you won, behind it.

Gun Game - Another Black Ops ripoff. Kill players to advance to other weapon tiers. Troll tip: Knife someone on their last tier to get a funny hate message!

Infected - A fucking ripoff from the immensely popular Halo series, but srsly even Halo is better than this shit. Rape people on the other team with your Knife in order to get that faggot on your team. The game ends when the enemy team gets so large it pissrapes the last guy standing.

Team Juggernaut - You need to defend the team Juggernaut for like 30 seconds or so (It may be something else but I don't feel like searching for it so fuck you) to become the next Juggernaut.

Juggernaut - Like the above, but it's a free for all type match where 1 guy is selected to be a Juggernaut and you have to rape him in order to be the new Juggernaut.

COD Fangay chavs ready to buy the same shit

Perks

Tier 1

• Recon: Enemies that are hit by explosives show up on radar. Perfect for trolls and noobs.
• Sleight of Hand: Allows you to reload faster than you can blink. Pro is practically useless as you ready grenades and other shit extremely fucking fast. Who needs that anyways?
• Blind Eye: A Camper's perk. Covers you from Air support and sentries.
• Extreme Conditioning: Allows you once again to run around knifing people like a l33t pr0.
• Scavenger: Pick up enemy ammo. Pro allows you to spawn with extra ammo. Why the fuck don't you anyways?

Special Edition

Tier 2

• Quickdraw: Also known as quickscoper helper! Pro allows you to ready grenades faster than you can blink.
• Blast Shield: Resist explosive damage. Useful for explosive spamming noobs protection.
• Hardline: Killstreaks require 1 less kill. Combine with the Reaper Point streak for EXTREME TROLLING.
• Assassin: Another camper's perk. Pro protects you from EVERY FUCKING KILLSTREAK EVER.
• Overkill: Replaces secondary with other primary. Renders Machine pistols useless, probably won't be used as you're probably using an RPG, you cheap faggot.

Tier 3

• Marksman: A perk made of hax, it's great for all the retards who need help just to use the fucking sights properly. Without the pro version, as a sniper you have the lung capacity of a lung cancer patient.
• Stalker: Move fast while aiming. Apparently Infinity Ward thinks soldiers who carry 100s of pounds of armor are trained in the art of ballet.
• SitRep: You see explosive positions. You may be able to avoid their claymores, but can you avoid walking into their shotgun barrels? Troll Tip! Just throw a goddamn grenade in what ever corner that the faggot's dwelling in.
• Steady Aim: Negates aiming completely. Just point in general direction and spray.
• Dead Silence: You can't hear your own footsteps. But people will whore it out for earlier unlocks that are better than this pile of horse excrement.

Kill Streaks/ Strike Packages

Assault

Only allows you kill streaks to that pwns the other team and causes massive butthurt. When you die because you are too stupid to stay in the spawn trap, you will have to restart until you get that Juggernaut Suit kill streak.

• UAV: A Crappy styrofoam plane that's smaller than your cock, if you even have one.
• Care Package: Used by those who can't get a higher than 4 killstreak.
• IMS: Shoots claymores. Will fuck you up.
• Predator Missile: The Hand of God smites thee with unerring accuracy.
• Sentry Gun: Shoots enemies and is destroyed by one hit from your butter knife but can survive hundreds of .50 BMG bullets.
• Prescision Airstrike: Useless killstreak is useless.
• Attack Helicopter: A shitty roflcopter that flies around the map and has invincible pilots. Will be shot down within .666 seconds of being called in.
• Strafe run: 5 Attack roflcopters that strafe bomb a location.
• A-6 Overwatch: Covers you from enemies so you can earn moar killstreaks like a cheap jew you won't earn killstreaks as enemies will just pissrape the Guard copter before proceeding to grenade spam you for the rest of the match.
• Reaper: 5 whole predator missiles launch to a single location.
• Assault Drone: A mini tank. Gets fucked up easily though, and it has a shitty MG and Grenade Launcher to go with it.
• AC-130: Another unholy beacon of death and destruction. Will definitely fuck you up every time when called in.
• Pave Low: An unholy harbinger of doom. WILL obliterate everything. Upgrade of the Attack Helicopter.
• Juggernaut: Gives you the effective strength of an elephant and an M60 Machine gun to go with it. Makes everyone on the enemy team your bitch. There are variation on types of Juggernauts.
• Osprey Gunner: Pilot a roflcopter around the map and shoot people. You will get Raped if you are not on his side.

Support

This shit gives you crappy kill streaks that only support your fellow teammates but the good part is that you may have a chance to obtain the Juggernaut recon suit this way. Plus even if you suck, you still continue on your same kill streak even after dying so many times because these type of rewards are point based. Also,you can restart your killstreak after earning your selected 3.

• UAV: Word for word above, a crappy styrofoam plane. Can be shot down with 9mm, super realistic, right?
• Counter UAV: Another shitty plane that blocks radar. Destroyed way too easy.
• Ballistic Vest: Makes you take more bullet damage. Useless because the enemy will always aim for your head.
• Airdrop Trap: Perfect for trolling the enemy.
• SAM Turret: Copy pasta'd from Black Ops.
• Recon Drone: Points out enemies on the map.
• Advanced UAV: The Blackbird from Black Ops is back! Does the same shit aswell.
• Remote Turret: Useless clone of the Sentry Gun. Is as easily destroyed.
• Stealth Bomber: A B-2 carpet bombs the whole maps, but doesn't do anything, unless on outside only maps.
• EMP: Disables all electronic equipment, which means everything. Redundant, considering there is an EMP grenade. This killstreak is completely useless because using Assassin Pro completely nullifies its effect.
• Juggernaut Recon: Gives you a Riot shield and high health. Enemies will just flank you and rape you to death with Akimbo FMG9s.
• Escort Airdrop: Emergency Airdrop under a new name. Same as the Care Package, but you get 6.

Specialist

Every 2 kills allows you another Tier perk of your choice. (See Tiers above) Once you reach 8 kills you run around fapping with all perks at once. Once you die (Which will occur within seconds of completing this killstreak) you lose them and have to earn them again .( Use this to troll in CTF or Domination.)

Hidden Killstreak

• M.O.A.B.-(Mother of All Bombs) The only way you can obtain this is if you kill 25 enemies with your gun without dying. If you accomplish this give yourself a pat on the back because not only did you just RAPE the other team but you will kill them all at once within 10 seconds with a nuke , Permanant EMP for the rest of the match and you and your "friends" get DOUBLE XP for the rest of the match. This is the best way to TROLL the enemy because it does not end the game unlike in Modern Warfare 2. Disregard. You're too much of an idiot to come close to getting this killstreak, and even if you are remotely good you will get your shit slapped by noobs who succeed at RPG spamming.

Death Streaks

Because you suck, Infinity Ward fags are putting communism into the game, but really, it's just hand-holding. Which, like IRL, encourages players to play half-assed and be generally unproductive.

• Juiced: Used with Extreme Conditioning to have a temporary knifing class.
• Revenge: You can see your killer on the radar. Will be the most used probably.
• Final Stand: With the removal of Last stand, now this is the perk of people who play Headquarters.
• Martyrdom: Useless as there's no more explosive increase perk.
• Deadman's hand: A copypasta of Martyrdombut with a C4.
• Hollow points: A Stopping Power clone. Will last until you can buttrape your killer, if you can even get out of the spawn trap you idiot.

Weapons

Great, now those annoying fucks can pretend they're gunsmiths with all knowledge of weapons yet again! Here's a quick sampling Giant fucking heap of fail...

NEWSFLASH! Remember stopping power from MW2? just imagine that on every single gun in the game. That's right, every gun has been souped up so its always a two or even a one hit kill. stats don't matter anymore, just pick your favorite looking gun, and shit storm bullets everywhere. even more the reason to camp now.

remind you of any game in particular?

DOUBLE NEWSFLASH! They nerfed the guns! and by that, i mean they nerfed all the guns that didn't need to be nerfed! the MP7, Type 95, SCAR-L, and the ACR are still the powerful guns in the game. Ready to die as soon as you spawn, kiddies?

Primary

Assault Rifles

Most commonly seen category of weapons in general.

• M4A1: The Army's bread and butter. Despite supposedly working alongside the Army to create this forsaken game, they still don't have their primary weapon rendered correctly. Of course if Infinity Ward did a quick research about replacing it with the completely same CM901 we wouldn't have this glitchy shit broken weapon in the game, but the dev's were too busy fapping to gay porn to care.

• M16A4: As if two games weren't enough, this really old year old failure returns for another round of making rednecks cream themselves by pretending to be in the US military. Hopefully it's the last time we see this Shotgun with burst fire in a Call of Duty game.

• SCAR-L: Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V of the SCAR-H from MW2 but with a bigger magazine. That is all.

• CM901: Used by every-fucking-body. It's a gun made of hax, blow your magazine across the map at some Quickscoping faggot while staying on target all the way through for what is virtually insta-rape. This Gun is total shit. takes 8 magazines to kill someone point blank.

• Type 95: They decided to replace the FAMAS with a little known Chink Chinese communist rifle called the Type 95 couldn't even name it right. It's a QBZ-95. It looks almost exactly the same as the FAGmas and reloads and fires exactly the same. Way to go Activision.

• G36C: This modern day Nazi weapon returns from Grenade of Grenade 4 to shit all over Americunt markets and plug American whores' holes with the Nazi chrome plated cock of justice

• ACR: Yep. It's back but upgraded. Instead of doing a min damage of 20 this gun joins the ranks with the MK14 as one of the two assult rifles that do 30 points of minimum damage. So take this absurdly accurate rapid firing bad boy out to hardcore and get a 1 hit kill at any range by hitting any part of the body. FYI for all you idiots out there in normal game mods you get 100 points of health, HC matches give you 30 points of health.

• MK14: This shitty piece of scrap metal with a trigger weapon should be classified as a pneumatic abortion device. At least in this game IW got the name of the MK14 rifle right instead of the non existent M21 EBR name. Once again this shows that Infinity Ward is slowly learning never going to learn.

• AK-47: Infinity Whore'd manages to rectify their great fuck up by making this shitstick not a last level reward, but it's unlocked at such a high level that it's still a very uncommon weapon on the battlefield, unlike IRL.

• FAD: A Perufag weapon that's used by Niggers in Sierra Leone in the game. Completely shit and is the last Assault Rifle unlocked, making it the shittiest Assault Rifle.

Sub Machine Guns

Weapons that Automatically give your target Juggernaut and have insanely high recoil. Just like IRL.

HEY FAGGOTS! TIME TO CREAM YOUR JEANS, THE SHITTY MP5k AND VECTOR GOT CUT FROM THE GAME. NOW YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LITTLE KIDS CRYING OVER YOUR HEADSET ANYMORE!

• UMP45: The rape machine from MW2 that got all the fanbois butthurt returns! Get ready to see 12 year olds slapping suppressors on it and camping. Again.

• MP5: The uncircumcised MP5k returns to overshadow its micropenis brother and be used commonly in stealth based load outs.

• PP90M1: A copy pasta of an M4 that no one has ever heard of but is notable for utilising a unique underbarrel magazine.

• P90: For some reason boasting as much damage as typical assault rifle, virtually no recoil, and a 50 round magazine. Yeah, this gun is made of hax.

• PM-9: A Japanese Uzi replacement. Apparently the anti-semites at Infinity Ward and Sledgehammer thought it would be funny to replace a well known Jewish gun with a weapon nobody has heard about. Proof that Infinity Ward and Sledgehammer know nothing about weaponry despite working along side the US army when developing this CoD 4 DLC.

• MP7: A shitty MP5 alternative that looks like a micropenis.

Protip: Put on Overkill, slap a suppressor on this and camp to be l337.

• AK74u: The gun that was literally all the rage in Black Ops is back! Though it's only in Singleplayer when Makarov and his inner circle friends run around with this thing spamming bullets at you like it's nobody's fucking business.

Light Machine guns

Kiss goodbye to your wall hacks! These weapons both do the wall hacking for you and effectively give you the speed of a dual leg amputee. Always should be sprayed in general direction of enemies.

• L86 LSW: This shitstick returns from MW2 like most other shit in this game. The design once again is so ugly they had to tweak some of the visuals to pass it off as commonly used in the Britfag military, thought they all use the MP5 anyways as German technology is superior to England's.

• MG36: The LMG version of the G36C. It's basically a reskin but with a slightly larger magazine.

• PkP Pecheneg: Another Russfag gun in the CoD franchise. Copy of the RPK from the last game, actually a shittier PKM.

• Mk46: The unwelcome replacement of the M249 SAW. This shit shares the same statistics as the gun from CoD 4.

• M60E4: It kicks like a nigger and can't hit shit, mitigating it's insane power. Also has a slow as fuck rate of fire because the gunsmiths at Browning <Don't talk out of your ass> were lazy when designing this piece of horse shit. Copy and pasted from CoD 4. It is also the ONLY LMG that can get a 1 hit kill in a hardcore match at any range by hitting any part of the body.

Sniper Rifles

Modern Warfare 3 has been conditioned to be a 'Sniper Friendly' game unlike Black Ops, so we had better get used to being killed for the sake of those SWEET QU1K5C0P3 KLIPZ!!!1!!!ONE!!! Make sure to spam grenades at these people.

• Barrett .50 Cal: Players can carry 2 of these 14 kilo snipers while shooting without taking their arms off, sprinting and jumping out of windows. For some odd reason, IW can't call it an M82, even though they call it that campaign.

• L118A: A different version of the L96A1, which itself is a renamed Arctic Warfare sniper rifle. No, seriously, look it up. Was included for those quickscope clips mentioned above, and like the L86 are the only Britfag guns in MW3 and one of 8 in the entire series.

• Dragunov: Moar liek Fagunov amirite? This shit actually looks legit by having black tacticool furniture like IRL for once.

• AS50: Another example of how lazy Infinity Whore'd is, its just another Copypasta of the Barrett .50 cal. Has pretty decent power, being one of 2 snipers that normally kill in 1 hit to the stomach, but if used with a silencer, it is downgraded to a Fagunov, like most other snipers except the RSASS, which takes it even further up the ass if a suppressor's used on it.

• RSASS: Semi-auto fuckstick that no one really uses. Takes 9001 shots to kill someone, just like the Fagunov.

• MSR: The L118A's competition for use with Quickscopers, being it's the second Bolt-Action.

Shotguns

These shitsticks have an effective range of 4 meters. Just like in real life! Unlike MW2, they are classified as primary weapons. Good luck trying to get those CQC kills and ending up getting sniped by 10-year-olds.

• USAS-12: Full-auto shotgun. Nobody will use it becuase there's the AA-12.

• SPAS-12: I guess the Russian Army also arms themselves with weapons that have been out of production since the late '90s. It is basically copied and put into this game with still insanely large range.

• KSG 12: Weak as fuck pump action shotgun, because 1 pump action was not enough. Takes about an hour to reload from empty.

• AA-12: Theres already a similar shotgun, which itself sucks, ingame which should take this showoff shit's place. Once again fallacies in research can be put down to excess fapping on Infinity Ward's behalf.

• Striker: An AIDs ridden gun from South AIDSfrica. This thing takes about an hour to reload from empty like the KSG-12.

• Model 1887: Infinity Ward tried to make this at least 100 year old shotgun from the Wild West look legit by touching up the Iron sights and giving it Black synthetic furniture. But in true Infinity Ward fashion, they aren't fooling anyone. In this game though these shit muskets got nerfed, they can't be used with Akimbo and have shorter ranges due to butthurt 13 year olds complaining about them.

Secondary

Handguns

Since Machine pistols are available, these handguns still will not get used.

• M1911: Only seen when Price lays it on Soap's body when Soap an heroes after being raped by Makarov.

• USP .45: The return of the Universally Shitty Pistol, or the USP for tryhards.

• P99: A Nazi-trash replacement of the M1911 exclusively for this game. Has a rate of fire as fast as a slut gets STDs in Vegas.

• Five Seven: A Belgian M9 Beretta replacement that doubles as an emergency infield dildo kit.

• .44 Magnum and MP-412 Two revolvers that do the same thing.

• Desert Eagle: Any criticisms that can be leveled at the other 2 revolvers can be aimed at this wrist cracker. It now is completely black instead of half black half silver to try and make it look ordinary.

Machine pistols

Add Akimbo on any of these gods-in-a-box for added Ragefests!

• FMG9: A gun that folds. Retarded wrist snapping recoil from a gun firing the wimpy 9mm round. Throw on Akimbro for added ragefest. Apparently less than 1 month after release this shit is already getting nerfed, but it looks better in comparison to Gayarch taking 7 MONTHS to nerf the Famas.

• MP9: The TMP from the last game put into this one. The only difference being the reload animation.

• Skorpion: An unholy handheld death sentence. You can become sniper jesus if you slap Akimbo on this.

• G18: Seriously, this Austriafag gun has nothing everything going for it except that shitty magazine size.

Rocket Launchers

• SMAW: A reskinned RPG-7 that fires more accurately, though none of that matters since you will be sniped from far away and miss.

• Javelin: Fails even more than it did in MW2 when it comes to doing anything. basically a rocket that has erectile dysfunction.

• Stinger: A Portable SAM turret. It's the only remotely useful launcher, though you'll get killed while looking like you're watching the birds if you try to use this.

• XM25: A 'nade launcher that explodes behind targets, flush out campers and rake in the tears.

• M320 GL: A Noob tube that's snapped off of an Assault rifle and stand alone. Think "TACTICOOL China Lake."

• RPG-7: A Troll's best friend. Always should be fired at the ground at the start of a Hardcore search and destroy match.

Equipment

Lethal

• Frag grenades: Rendered obsolete in every way by Semtex except that stupid cooking ability no one uses as it should always be thrown on spawn.

• Semtex: Sticky grenade. Will fuck your shit up.

• Throwing Knife: Who needs explosives and high-tech proximity mines when you can have a knife? Same faggy weapon used for those crappy Youtube clips recorded off of the video gamer's phone camera.

• Bouncing Betty: (aka Bouncing Bitches) Claymore alternative that's meant for the same purpose except it rotates and spins when it is set off.

• Claymore: Is that a fuckin' claymore?! Yes, it is. And now you have just became a part of a camper's K:D ratio percentage in the blink of an eye.

• C4: Rendered obsolete by Claymores as they automatically detonate unlike this shit so you don't have to.

Tactical

• Flash Grenade: Makes a gay sound upon detonating. All the alternatives are better.

• Concussion Grenade: Same as the Stun grenade from CoD4 but with a WIKKID OrSIM NEW NAME!!1!!!!ONE!!!!

• Scrambler: The Troll's best friend. Lures you into a well placed Claymore trap.

• EMP Grenade: Fucks over any equipment in it's blast radius. Though you'll get raped anyways.

• Smoke Grenade: Shitty item that causes slight damage on detonating. Causes butthurt on Hardcore.

• Trophy System: Gay sounding name of an item that stops explosives and supposedly shoots down air support. Basically a copypasta of SAM Turret. You'll get shot anyways.

• Tactical Insertion: There's nothing tactical about this thing in anyway. Will get you spawn killed a lot. Also, boosting.

• Portable Radar: Camper's equipment. There's a reason this game is called Camp: The game 2:Electric Boogaloo.

Other Shit

• Riot Shield: Because plastic can stop .50 BMG, right?. Pick up a second riot shield to be unstoppable.

• M203: Mw2's signature weapon that got all the fanboys butthurt. Most commonly found weapon That's not how you spell the CM901. Sometimes found with an Assault Rifle attached to it.

• Tactical Knife: Used by fags in "knifing classes". Gives you an all-important 0.000000001% increase in knife speed.

Typical Online Match

With all of this copypasta shit going on in MW3, I think it's acceptable we can get past 1 copypasta and put something shown on the MW2 And Black Ops pages here as well! But updated...

Your Team

• You

• AFK

• Split screen fag

• Split screen fag

• L118A sniper twat who is 5 years old and trying to get shitty 360 no-scope/quickscopes to record and shit all over jewtube (And failing)

• Since the Matchmaking system STILL hasn't been fixed, nobody takes up the 6th spot yet again. Why don't they invest to make the system better with the billions of Jew Gold Activision has scrounged up over the years? Because all the people who work for Activision are brain dead fuckwits who care about nothing more than Jew gold.

Enemy Team

• CM901 Camper
• SCAR-L Heartbeat Sensor/Silencer Camper
• Type 95 Camper
• SCAR-L Camper
• UMP45 Blind Eye and Assassin Camper
• CM901 Camper with an aimbot

With what happened in Black Ops, the enemy wins with over 9000 kills. It's still a big wonder how, after putting up with this shit for 3 games 4 games in a row, you haven't an heroed.

During/Result of the Online Match

YOUR TEAM:

• YOU
• Teammate that Rage quit
• Teammate that Rage quit
• Teammate that Rage quit
• Teammate that Rage quit
• Teammate that Rage quit/ Some n00b that tries to join but match making takes too long to give you replacement teammates.

Enemy Team

• CM901 Camper
• SCAR-L Heartbeat Sensor/Silencer Camper
• Type 95 Camper
• SCAR-L Camper
• UMP45 Blind Eye and Assassin Camper
• CM901 Camper with an aimbot

Your team of "friends" on Xbox Live (if you have any)would abandon you leaving you all alone to be laughed at by the other team for being in a team of quitters/n00bz.

Also since matchmaking is still the same you might join a game that will have ended within seconds of your arrival thus resulting in a loss.( Its not like you were going to win anyway)

Trolling CoD Fanbois

Typical fanboy response to Battlefield 3 beating their little game.

Much like the previous Call of Duties, this is the only thing MW3 is remotely good for.

Here's the list!

• Flat out grief in any way, shape or form. Their prepubescent brains will ignite and explode as they try to comprehend what's happening.
• Mention Halo in any way, shape or form. Warfare fags will proceed to engage in a heated argument over which franchises are better before their caveman brains catch fire and they proceed to teamkill you for the rest of the match.
• Follow a teammate around during a match while firing your gun constantly so your teammate gets raped by enemies tripping over themselves to grenade spam/RPG your location. Prepare for prepubescent screaming.
• Camp like shit! When someone calls you out on it, tell them you're "tactically hiding".
• Use the MK14 with a modded controller.
• Mention the Battlefield series in anyway. Yields same results as mentioning Halo times 10.
• Talk about the singleplayer campaign only during Spec Ops matches or MP matches.
• Shotguns have like almost no range drop off. Seriously, go on Hardcore and Snipe with them.
• Point out that the MW3 got good reviews because activision pays people like IGN to give it good reviews.

Kotaku isn't biased at all!.

Elite

Yep, apparently CoD wasn't making enough money for Bobby Kotick, so now he's raping the fanboys' assholes (and wallets) with the Elite plan. It lets you level up your shitty clans and gives you shitty dlc. Inside of the terms and conditions of using it, it states that "Your account can be terminated at any time for any reason or no reason". Only true fanboys will have their wallets raped by this shit cause nobody wants to waste another fifty bucks on an already shitty game, and because ITZ AWZOME ND 1337!!!!1!!ONE!! When in reality, it's a fucking waste of 50 bucks. Battle.net, Battlelog.battlefield.com and Bungie.net both offer the same shit for free. Clearly COD:Elite is serious business.

Metacritic

This is what MW3 shows when it crashes. Totally not a MW2 mod.

Look at the "professional" reviews. Then look at the user reviews:

And lead faggot of Sludgehammer Games response:

If you feel like joining the fun, give a 1/10 0/10 for the lulz, too:
Metacritic MW3 XBox 360
Metacritic MW3 PS3
Metacritic MW3 PC

With these reviews from the community, it really goes to show you several things;

• 1. The "professional" reviewers have mental problems.
• 2. The fanbois actually got their minds out of the jizz filled gutter and actually thought about how they just financially sodomized themselves.
• 3. Modern Warfare 3 is so broken, glitched and outright mind numbing that the player risks having a heart attack from the stress levels this game induces. This makes even Black Ops look remotely playable, as what always happens whenever a new Call of Duty comes out.

Videos

The Trailer That Made COD Fans Cream Take it from an expert. This summarizes the entire campaign experience. Spongebob and Patrick explain what MW3 is. MW3 SPAWN CAMPING AT ITS FINEST! The insane fellow from Far Cry 3 explains "Call of Duty" Previous Video | Next Video

VGA Troll BF3 Fanboys

The Video Game Awards were paid by Activision to announce MW3 as the best FPS of the year. Because of this, fanboys of BF3 all over the internet began to become butthurt over the fact that MW3 was totally better.

Best Prediction about MW4 so far

	“	MW4: Storyline is back to Sgt.Foley bossing Pvt.Ramirez around and telling him to do insane shit, like take down a tactical nuke with a coconut	„
	—TheBlackknight432

See also

• Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, which this game's source code is ripped off of.
• Modern Warfare 2, which the weapons and all other shit are ripped from.
• Call of Duty: Black Ops, the very slightly better previous game.
• Autism, one of the requirements for enjoying the game.
• Shit, which the game is.
• Virgin, everyone who plays it.
• Griefing, which occurs.
• /v/, where there are shitfests.
• Battlefield 3, another shitty twitch fps with no mod support and no sdk.
• Halo, a slightly better fps, but is still a pile of shit.
• Lazy, a requirement for being a developer.

Modern Warfare 3 is part of a series on Gaming Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article November 20 & November 21, 2011
Preceded by Ubuntu and Great iPhone 4S disappointment of 2011	Modern Warfare 3 and Battlefield 3	Succeeded by EarthBound