Brian Williams

Brian Williams showing off his crooked face

Apple uses Brian Williams as a marketing puppet

Brian Williams showing how many inches he can currently take

Thought to be a distant cousin of Swirl Face, Brian Williams is an anchor for NBC Nightly News with a crooked face. He spends most of his time being unfunny and pissing people off. Many may wonder: how can you be a news anchor and have your face shown on national television every day with such a fucked-up face?

How it Got That Way

Several theories attempt to explain this monstrosity. The ones that have been proven false are crossed out.

• He got his face caught in a throttling wood-chipper.
• He pissed off a tough guy, and they beat him up.
• He got surgery to make it like that because it looks 1337.
• He got bit by a radioactive spider, but instead of being able to shoot jizz from his wrists, his face became crooked.
• Bigboxbear sat on his face.
• Ahotwheelscar forgot to put on his diapers and shit on his face.
• Royce Gracie smashed his face in just for the lulz.
• He divided by zero. Oh shi-!!!
• He tried to suck two nigger cocks at once.
• His face is imitating his dick.