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Revision as of 05:31, 23 November 2013

This article is ancient history. You can help by reliving the moment.
My raep face, let me show you it
Moar like Lowdick, amirite?
Don't you already want to punch his face in?

Jakob Lodwick is known as the founder of Vimeo and the web master of College Humor, the worst site on the internet. Jakob has failed at life over and over again simply because of his arrogant fuck face personality, and inability to stop blogging and camwhoring. He is a class VII hipster, and considers himself to be among the elite when it comes to technology. He is an avid Apple Fanboy, and since he does not actually posses any technical or programming knowledge, he makes up for it by blogging about technology and Apple products.

Jakob considers himself to be so important as to be an internet celebrity. Aside from blogging about nerdsex, Jakob's only claim to fame is being the former web designer for College Humor, claiming to coin the term "lip dub", and being fired from Vimeo. Jakob is currently enrolled in Computer Science 3 at the University of Phoenix Online.

Relationships

Jakob has had many on again off again relationships with men and women. Most recently he was dumped by Julia Allison. Jakob fucked up his relationship when he was fired from the company he helped create because he was always high and sat around doing nothing all day. Jakob was an abusive boyfriend who would repeatedly hit Julia, who makes routine appearances on TV. In Julia's blog she once stated how abusive he was, but took down the post when Jakob threatened to kill her dog.

As a blogger

Jakob Lodwick has a blog where he routinely rants about hipster issues such as art and music. Jake fancies himself a visionary when in fact he's just high on some drug or his own ego or both. Jakob also thinks he's a photographer and posts his horrible pictures on Flickr. He is known for quitting the internet at least annually, and posing with drug paraphernalia in his flounce messages.

Drug habits

Jakob Lodwick is a ferocious user of drugs. He has been known to use heroin, cocaine and pot. Jakob was fired from the company he created because he became so involved in drugs that his friends and co-workers complained to their boss about him. Eventually he was fired, which ended up costing him his girlfriend and his credibility. Jakob is now living in his friend Reggie's apartment while he creates a new scheme to get rich quick, since he blew all his money he made off the sale of College Humor on drugs.

Hardcore

It is a well known fact that Jakob's friends humor him into thinking he is popular. Jakob's current project is a web site (that's all he knows how to make) that he will try to get venture capital for to spend all the money on more drugs.

Like all hipsters, Jakob Lodwick insists that he is on the cutting edge of "cool", but through reading his blogs it's obvious he's just really insecure. Last Thursday, Jakob announced on his blog that his life had "changed alot" and he is "taking a vacation from blogging" for a month. EXACTLY. ONE. MONTH. Shortly after this, he quit the Internet again.

Life Accomplishments

Lip Dubbing

Jakob claimed to invent "Lip Dubbing", which is making a video where you sing a song then overlay the original song over yourself singing it. He tried to pass it off as a new trend that he created, believing that it would usher in a new era in Web 2.0 and that would cement him in as an internet celebrity. However after several of his hipster friends jumped on his bandwagon, it was revealed that he was not in fact the first person to film themselves singing to a song with the original song dubbed in. As a matter of fact, he admitted he wasn't as clever as he tried to pass himself off as being after people mentioned that there had been several instances of "lip dubbing" prior to his. But because the prior lip dubbing didn't have some trendy faggot name, he didn't know about it. His claim to fame for yet another "internet trend" was erased from internet history. He is now regarded by the all knowing Wikipedia as the person who invented the term.

"and then I held Eric's balls like this and we looked at each other and smiled, we smiled and made out for hours.. it was the best night of my life" - Jakob Lodwick

Web Design

Jakob considers being a web designer to be the equivalent of being the Pope. Jakob has been the web designer of several shitty sites and blogs that only other hipsters such as himself actually appreciate.

Riding coat tails

Pretty much all of Jakob's life accomplishments have been derived from someone else's success that he latches on to and feeds off of. He has never actually accomplished anything meaningful himself.

"Like" button

Jakob claims that the "like" button, popularized by Facebook, actually originated at Vimeo:



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