- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Amy Schumer: Difference between revisions
imported>Oddguy No edit summary |
imported>Oddguy No edit summary |
||
| Line 11: | Line 11: | ||
In short, she's the hellspawn of Ashkenazi Jewish criminals and ass-rapists, plus Chuck Schumer. But they do the usual Passover crap, so it's perfectly acceptable! Maybe she'll marry the Senator and shit out deformed Heeb-monsters after eating the bitter herbs (they turn fetuses into three-headed slugs, you know). | In short, she's the hellspawn of Ashkenazi Jewish criminals and ass-rapists, plus Chuck Schumer. But they do the usual Passover crap, so it's perfectly acceptable! Maybe she'll marry the Senator and shit out deformed Heeb-monsters after eating the bitter herbs (they turn fetuses into three-headed slugs, you know). | ||
====Career==== | |||
{{quote|The last couple of roles I missed out on went to Jennifer Hudson, Jessica Biel and Olivia Wilde.}} | |||
How did she get "famous"? By [[Cunt|winning standup-comedy competitions]], and yes that kind of [[bullshit]] does exist. She won by talking about her huge floppy vag-lips and her big fat [[ass]]. [[tl;dr|For hours at a time]]. She's all about ''self-promotion'', she eats and shits press releases. Which helps to explain the [[hambeast]] and the nay-remarkable tendency of her ass to crush chairs and sofas. And at all times, the pathological sexual insecurities are on full display. See her professionally-girly-girly [http://amyschumer.com/ website] for more psychopathology. | How did she get "famous"? By [[Cunt|winning standup-comedy competitions]], and yes that kind of [[bullshit]] does exist. She won by talking about her huge floppy vag-lips and her big fat [[ass]]. [[tl;dr|For hours at a time]]. She's all about ''self-promotion'', she eats and shits press releases. Which helps to explain the [[hambeast]] and the nay-remarkable tendency of her ass to crush chairs and sofas. And at all times, the pathological sexual insecurities are on full display. See her professionally-girly-girly [http://amyschumer.com/ website] for more psychopathology. | ||
| Line 16: | Line 19: | ||
Thanks to her "brilliant comedy", she talked Judd Apatow into directing a film she wrote. And then went on talk shows and claimed she didn't "promote it" or "push it" to anyone, it "just happened". It's called, and this is not a joke, ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trainwreck_%28film%29 Trainwreck]''. That should be sufficient warning. (Not enough warning? A [[Grand 16 Shooting|massacre]] occurred at a showing of ''Trainwreck'' in [[Louisiana]], swamp monster capital of the world.) | Thanks to her "brilliant comedy", she talked Judd Apatow into directing a film she wrote. And then went on talk shows and claimed she didn't "promote it" or "push it" to anyone, it "just happened". It's called, and this is not a joke, ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trainwreck_%28film%29 Trainwreck]''. That should be sufficient warning. (Not enough warning? A [[Grand 16 Shooting|massacre]] occurred at a showing of ''Trainwreck'' in [[Louisiana]], swamp monster capital of the world.) | ||
== | ==The appropriately named "Trainwreck"== | ||
[[File:Insideamy.jpg|right|thumb|The source of her RAW POWER]] | |||
{{quote|Inside Amy is by far the worse comedy I have ever seen on television. Not funny at all. Very boring. Amy should be arrested for putting this show on television and wasting millions of hours of American lives. This show will be canceled soon because of how bad it is.}} | |||
[[File:Vaginaofamy.jpg|left|thumb|Yes, this is totally her face]] | [[File:Vaginaofamy.jpg|left|thumb|Yes, this is totally her face]] | ||
<center><youtube>c3GyQwkFVio</youtube></center> | <center><youtube>c3GyQwkFVio</youtube></center> | ||
| Line 29: | Line 31: | ||
[[File:RoastBeef.jpg|left|thumb|No Schumer hambeast can say no to this!]] | [[File:RoastBeef.jpg|left|thumb|No Schumer hambeast can say no to this!]] | ||
== The | ==The laughable photoshoot== | ||
[[File:Amy Schumer 7.png|center]] | |||
==Schumer is real tough... when picking on teenagers== | |||
==Amy steals all the jokes== | |||
== Pictures == | ==Pictures== | ||
{{Achtung|<strong><big>WARNING! THIS IS A GALLERY OF SCHUMER'S DISGUSTING PICTURES. TRUST US, YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS. OPEN AT OWN RISK AND DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YOU!</big></strong>}} | {{Achtung|<strong><big>WARNING! THIS IS A GALLERY OF SCHUMER'S DISGUSTING PICTURES. TRUST US, YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS. OPEN AT OWN RISK AND DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YOU!</big></strong>}} | ||
| Line 43: | Line 50: | ||
File:Amy Schumer 5.jpg|Very, very questionable. | File:Amy Schumer 5.jpg|Very, very questionable. | ||
File:Amy Schumer 6.jpg|Look at her flabby ass. | File:Amy Schumer 6.jpg|Look at her flabby ass. | ||
File:Amy Schumer 8.png|All she can fuck are robots. | File:Amy Schumer 8.png|All she can fuck are robots. | ||
File:Amy Schumer 9.jpg | File:Amy Schumer 9.jpg | ||
Revision as of 19:00, 28 January 2016
Amy Schumer✡, better known as "that bleached-blonde monster Jew-clit", is an obvious female comedian who can't stop talking about her monstrous canyon-like vag and the shitty anal-fisting fest that she calls a "sex life" to the pathetic slugs who watch Comedy Central late at night. Like that pathologically-insecure freak Sarah Silverman who preceded her, Fatty Amy is so desperate for attention/laughs/abuse/anything that she'll walk around NYC streets, flopping her cellulite to clear the sidewalk and asking people retarded questions about their sex lives---before she lifts her skirt and flashes them. It's so horrifying (think of giant purple meat curtains flapping in the breeze and spewing week-old semen everywhere) that her victims run away screaming in agony and gouging their own eyes out. That's show biz!
Of course this is a successful show, stupid question. [1] It's called "Up Amy Schumer's Ass", because Viacom headheeb Sumner Redstone✡ is really into shoving things into really big anuses. The first skit on the very first episode was her auditioning for a "2girls1cup" thing, which is so very appropriate. Her feces probably taste like fine chocolate mousse. Mixed with gefilte fish and pastrami. In fact, if you ever want to catch a wild Amy Schumer, just set a trap with a Carnegie Deli pastrami sandwich with extra mustard and severed penises. Can't fail.
The origins of the monster
As it says on WP, and this is too fucking bizarre to make up:
In short, she's the hellspawn of Ashkenazi Jewish criminals and ass-rapists, plus Chuck Schumer. But they do the usual Passover crap, so it's perfectly acceptable! Maybe she'll marry the Senator and shit out deformed Heeb-monsters after eating the bitter herbs (they turn fetuses into three-headed slugs, you know).
Career
How did she get "famous"? By winning standup-comedy competitions, and yes that kind of bullshit does exist. She won by talking about her huge floppy vag-lips and her big fat ass. For hours at a time. She's all about self-promotion, she eats and shits press releases. Which helps to explain the hambeast and the nay-remarkable tendency of her ass to crush chairs and sofas. And at all times, the pathological sexual insecurities are on full display. See her professionally-girly-girly website for more psychopathology.
Thanks to her "brilliant comedy", she talked Judd Apatow into directing a film she wrote. And then went on talk shows and claimed she didn't "promote it" or "push it" to anyone, it "just happened". It's called, and this is not a joke, Trainwreck. That should be sufficient warning. (Not enough warning? A massacre occurred at a showing of Trainwreck in Louisiana, swamp monster capital of the world.)
The appropriately named "Trainwreck"
The laughable photoshoot
Schumer is real tough... when picking on teenagers
Amy steals all the jokes
Pictures
|
WARNING! THIS IS A GALLERY OF SCHUMER'S DISGUSTING PICTURES. TRUST US, YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS. OPEN AT OWN RISK AND DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YOU! |
GALLERY OF HORRORS About missing Pics
[Expand Gallery]
|
External Links
- Wikipedia Article
- Official CC website
- Her Twitter is a giant crashing bore. Nothing but "watch this new episode" and "watch that new episode".
- No, she's been in almost nothing else...
- "I’m Too Fat and Disgusting For Los Angeles!"
|
Amy Schumer is part of a series on Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage. |