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Santa Claus is an obese German long sought by authorities in connection to a million late night break-ins, during which he is alleged to have 'observed children whilst sleeping' before leaving his notorious and somewhat ambiguous calling card: a gaily colored curved 'rod' made of candy, and ten gallons of delicious eggnog . Santa also made an appearance in the movie "Home Alone" starring Oprah. It is also a well known fact that he is Keyser Soze. He is also amassing an army of Goatse clones to attack the Jews.
