Battlefield 3

Battlefield 3 (AKA "Bad Company: 3", "Be Advised: 3", "Battletoads: 3", "Call of Duty: Modern Battlefield: Bad Company 3: Black Ops edition" or "Niggers in the Field: 3") is a First Person Shooter game that encourages its players to forage through bushes and spawn rape the other team. The game, which has slowly turned itself into a cheap knockoff of Call of Duty; boasts controllable tanks, jets and other annoying vehicles that the developers behind other FPS franchises intentionally omitted from their games. When arguing with a pasty-faced Battlefag, be prepared to listen to long-winded rants about Battlefield 3 having superb graphics (lol, only if you have a high-end PC) and large maps. Since the game was announced, preachy Battlefield fanboys have been waging an online jihad against Modern Warfare 3; all because they can't bear the thought of seeing another first person shooter outsell their precious game. In fact; for the past year or so, Battlefield fans have talked more about Call of Duty than Battlefield itself, which just goes to show how Battlefield fanboys have become the Jehova Witnesses of FPS gaming.

Multiplayer

BF3 beta in a nutshell

Be advised. Be advised. Be advised. Be advised. Be advised. Be advised. Be advised. I will be hiding in that bush over there. As in Bad Company 2, you will get raped by reconfags, assaultfags and engineerfags (only seen with rocket launchers). Playing support is slightly less homosexual. Get ready to see mangled turtlemen hiding in the bushes. In your spare time not getting shot the fuck up or camping in a bush because you're a faggot, you'll be camping your balls off on a roflcopter pad. Get ready to do absolutely fucking nothing for hours on end while DICE and EA party on there new golden yachts snorting pounds of coke while telling you they are busy fixing the servers for you dedicated fans idiots who made them rich by buying there incomplete, glitched game. Half of which is a buggy, uninspired, thrown together cobble of shit while the other can't be played because they decided to not learn from the beta on how to run their servers properly.

Maps

• Operation Metro - Crawl through bushes and remains of Pwned Paris. Most hated map in the game.
• Damavand Peak - Drop upon unsuspecting Russians from a 500m high cliff with rocket launchers.
• Caspian Border - Jet camping.
• Operation Firestorm - Russians trying to prevent americunts from stealing precious sand nigger oil. Also its fucking HUGE, it is said that you can fit 3 of the largest map from Battlefield Bad Company 2 inside of it and still have room for more hot oversised map on map action.

Beta

The Battlefield 3 beta, which was released only a few weeks before the game was due to be put on disc, had so many bugs and glitches that DICE actually considered extending the beta for another ten years. If you were lucky enough not to fall through the uninspired map on Metro, you might have been given the opportunity to get instakilled by some 10 year old hiding behind a tree.

The purpose of the Battlefield 3 beta was to test the multiplayer servers. Clearly, the beta turned out to be worthless as EA multiplayer servers crashed repeatedly for the first few days after the game was released. If DICE had spent more time fixing the game's issues and less time counting the gold that they were about to receive from millions of overweight virgins, the game might have been playable upon release.

Campaign

The totally original campaign in a nutshell.

You'd be forgiven to think a 6 year development time would be long enough to make a halfway decent storyline but instead they decided to create yet another Call of Duty 4 clone involving the "terrorist stealing WMD's" overused storyline. But wait the main character is being interrogated thought the entire game and is reliving the memories through gameplay. They also added Russians into the mix. Talk about creativity! I think they really have a shot at bringing down Modern Warfare 3 with this tribute...I mean...um..."competitor" to the Call of Duty series.

All this dosn't matter because nobody gives a shit about the campaign mode in Battlefield games. This one's a buggy mess so don't even bother with it.

Battlelog

Typical platoon image. Remember, be creative!

DICE decided to troll Activision further more by announcing a free community service called Battlelog. It's pretty much a free version of Call of Duty: Elite. And it's better. Though it's still a piece of shit, it's main purpose is to let you show off your pro mlg bf skillz on the internets among your friends. You can also show off to the members of your Platoon, which itself can take up to 100 members. Noone has found an use for the platoons yet. Way to go, DICE.

Fanboys

Whether it's bitching about Call of Duty or calling you a nub. The battlefield Community is a caring, welcoming community and welcomes people from all around(XTRA POINTS IF YUR FROM COD!!!11!!!!ONE!!). All Battlefield fans know EVERYTHING about the military. They are virgins that live in their mom's basement and have to wait till' Christmas to get their games.

Trolling a Battlefield fan

1. Tell them that MW3 is a more realistic game.

2. Bitch about the inability to quickscope on Battlefield 3.

3. ????

4. PROFIT!

Frostbite 2

If you've trolled, argued, fucked, or sucked a Battlefield fan you've heard EVERYTHING about this engine.

See Also

• Battlefield: Bad Company 2
• Battlefield 2
• Call of Duty
• Modern Warfare 3
• Fanboy
• Battlefield

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