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Conficker: Difference between revisions

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imported>Indecadence
imported>Indecadence
cone fucker
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[[Image:Conficker3.jpg|thumb|F-secure, today: "F-Secure Content Cloud is a platform solution on which to build a tailored online storage services multi-devices, multi-services and multi-content." [http://www.f-secure.com/no/web/operators_global/content-cloud] ]]
[[Image:Conficker3.jpg|thumb|F-secure, today: "F-Secure Content Cloud is a platform solution on which to build a tailored online storage services multi-devices, multi-services and multi-content." [http://www.f-secure.com/no/web/operators_global/content-cloud] ]]


[[Image:Hypponen-wanted.jpg|thumb|[[Jews did WTC|Hypponen did Conficker]] ]]
[[Image:Confcr.png|thumb|Avoiding infection by Conficker, for [[retard|dummies]] ]]
[[Image:Conficker.jpg|thumb|You wouldn't want pinworms crawling around in your rectum, so treat your computer with the same respect]]
[[Image:Usbs.jpg|thumb|Just as you should have [[condom|safe sex]], don't share [[USB]]s like a junkie would [[drugs|heroin needles]].]]
'''Conficker,''' also known as <del>the venjix virus</del> [[Meatspin|Downadup]] and [[Pedobear|Kido]], is a hugely successful computer virus that will fuck up your computer the instant you let it in. Due to the failure of [[Microsoft]], it is infecting computers at a rapid rate and their shitty patches and antivirus programs cannot compete. Conficker is truly the [[AIDS]] of computer viruses, given its brutality - king of the computer worms just as AIDS is king of the STDs. There are many ways you can get Conficker, including [[oral sex|through internet downloads]] and by [[anal sex|sticking an infected USB into your computer's tight hole]].
'''Conficker,''' also known as <del>the venjix virus</del> [[Meatspin|Downadup]] and [[Pedobear|Kido]], is a hugely successful computer virus that will fuck up your computer the instant you let it in. Due to the failure of [[Microsoft]], it is infecting computers at a rapid rate and their shitty patches and antivirus programs cannot compete. Conficker is truly the [[AIDS]] of computer viruses, given its brutality - king of the computer worms just as AIDS is king of the STDs. There are many ways you can get Conficker, including [[oral sex|through internet downloads]] and by [[anal sex|sticking an infected USB into your computer's tight hole]].


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==Name==
==Name==
 
[[Image:Orcadildo.jpg|thumb|A cone fucker ]]
The Microsoft [[Anal|analyst]], [http://www.furaffinity.net/user/jphill/ zeta toy fucker] and [http://murderpedia.org/male.P/p/phillips-joshua.htm child murderer] Joshua Phillips, like any discoverer, wanted to put his fursona, a [[zeta toy]] cone fucker fox, into the name of his new discovery. As a tribute to the [[Hitler|nazi Germany]], he made a portmanteau of "cone" and the German word [http://ipcommunications.tmcnet.com/topics/ip-communications/articles/50562-microsofts-5000000-reward-the-conficker-worm-creators.htm Ficker] (fucker).
The Microsoft [[Anal|analyst]], [http://www.furaffinity.net/user/jphill/ zeta toy fucker] and [http://murderpedia.org/male.P/p/phillips-joshua.htm child murderer] Joshua "Cone Fucker" Phillips, like any discoverer, wanted to put his fursona, a fox that has [[buttsex]] with cone shaped zeta toys, into the name of his new discovery. As a tribute to the [[Hitler|nazi Germany]], he made a portmanteau of "cone" and the German word [http://ipcommunications.tmcnet.com/topics/ip-communications/articles/50562-microsofts-5000000-reward-the-conficker-worm-creators.htm Ficker] (fucker).


This is [http://www.microsoft.com/security/portal/threat/encyclopedia/entry.aspx?Name=Worm%3aWin32%2fConficker.a his excuse] for putting censored words in news reports:
This is [http://www.microsoft.com/security/portal/threat/encyclopedia/entry.aspx?Name=Worm%3aWin32%2fConficker.a his excuse] for putting censored words in news reports:
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Analysis by Joshua Phillips"</center>
Analysis by Joshua Phillips"</center>


He was still thinking at fucking his favorite zeta toy when he made this formula. The first use of his formula (2)(1)(+k)(3) was on his own name, Josh<B>u</B>a <B>Ph</b>illip<B>s</B>: (u)(ph)(s) => (ph)(u)(+k)(s) => [[Fucks|phuks]].
He was still thinking at fucking his favorite zeta toy when he made this formula. He made his formula (2)(1)(+k)(3) to match his own name, Josh<B>u</B>a <B>Ph</b>illip<B>s</B>: (u)(ph)(s) => (ph)(u)(+k)(s) => [[Fucks|phuks]].


==Authors==
==Authors==
[[Image:Hypponen-wanted.jpg|thumb|[[Jews did WTC|Hypponen did Conficker]] ]]


Conficker was created by [[Faggot|Mikko Hypponen]] to sell you the [[Fuck|Ficker]]-Secure (F-Secure) antivirus (its first versions were known as F-Downadup antivirus [ftp://ftp.f-secure.com/anti-virus/tools/beta/]).
Conficker was created by [[Faggot|Mikko Hypponen]] to sell you the [[Fuck|Ficker]]-Secure (F-Secure) antivirus (its first versions were known as F-Downadup antivirus [ftp://ftp.f-secure.com/anti-virus/tools/beta/]).
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==Things that Conficker does==
==Things that Conficker does==
[[Image:Confcr.png|thumb|Avoiding infection by Conficker, for [[retard|dummies]] ]]
[[Image:Conficker.jpg|thumb|You wouldn't want pinworms crawling around in your rectum, so treat your computer with the same respect]]
[[Image:Usbs.jpg|thumb|Just as you should have [[condom|safe sex]], don't share [[USB]]s like a junkie would [[drugs|heroin needles]].]]
*Controls the operations of your entire computer.
*Controls the operations of your entire computer.
*Freezes your mouse and keyboard
*Freezes your mouse and keyboard

Revision as of 16:03, 1 February 2013

F-secure, March 31, 2009: "Just to make it clear to everyone – this has now started." [1]
F-secure, today: "F-Secure Content Cloud is a platform solution on which to build a tailored online storage services multi-devices, multi-services and multi-content." [2]

Conficker, also known as the venjix virus Downadup and Kido, is a hugely successful computer virus that will fuck up your computer the instant you let it in. Due to the failure of Microsoft, it is infecting computers at a rapid rate and their shitty patches and antivirus programs cannot compete. Conficker is truly the AIDS of computer viruses, given its brutality - king of the computer worms just as AIDS is king of the STDs. There are many ways you can get Conficker, including through internet downloads and by sticking an infected USB into your computer's tight hole.

The only way to fully safeguard against Conficker is getting Norton, which will pwn this shitty worm into oblivion, to be forgotten like the Y2K bug.

Name

A cone fucker

The Microsoft analyst, zeta toy fucker and child murderer Joshua "Cone Fucker" Phillips, like any discoverer, wanted to put his fursona, a fox that has buttsex with cone shaped zeta toys, into the name of his new discovery. As a tribute to the nazi Germany, he made a portmanteau of "cone" and the German word Ficker (fucker).

This is his excuse for putting censored words in news reports:

"The name of this threat was derived by selecting fragments of the domain 'trafficconverter.biz', a string found in Worm:Win32/Conficker.A:

(fic)(con)(er) => (con)(fic)(+k)(er) => conficker

Analysis by Joshua Phillips"

He was still thinking at fucking his favorite zeta toy when he made this formula. He made his formula (2)(1)(+k)(3) to match his own name, Joshua Phillips: (u)(ph)(s) => (ph)(u)(+k)(s) => phuks.

Authors

Hypponen did Conficker

Conficker was created by Mikko Hypponen to sell you the Ficker-Secure (F-Secure) antivirus (its first versions were known as F-Downadup antivirus [3]).

On April 25, 2006, some unknown F-Secure partners hacked microsoft.com and put Conficker on it disguised as Windows Genuine Advantage, a "critical update" for Windows.

The FBI Microsoft [4] has put out a $250K reward for information leading to the arrest of Mikko Hypponen.

Things that Conficker does

Avoiding infection by Conficker, for dummies
You wouldn't want pinworms crawling around in your rectum, so treat your computer with the same respect
Just as you should have safe sex, don't share USBs like a junkie would heroin needles.
  • Controls the operations of your entire computer.
  • Freezes your mouse and keyboard
  • Wipes your hard drive
  • All your passwords, credit card info, personal information leaked to Conficker's creators.
  • At startup, login, and during use of the Windows OS, it alerts you that your copy of Windows is not genuine

People and groups afflicted by Conficker

When Conficker will hit again

  • April 1, 2009. Be prepared!

NEVERMIND, WE WERE TROLLED.




Conficker is part of a series on Security Faggots

1337 h4x0rz

Captain Crunch • Cult of the Dead Cow • David L. Smith • Gary McKinnon • GOBBLES • HD Moore • Jeff Moss • Kevin Mitnick • Lance M. Havok • Robert Morris • Theo de Raadt • weev • Woz


Try-Hards

2cash • AnonOps • Brian Salcedo • Fearnor • Fry Guy • Gadi Evron • g00ns • Hack This Site • Hacking Team • hann • Joanna Rutkowska • John Field • Joseph Camp • Lizard Squad • LulzSec • Mark Zuckerberg • MarshviperX • Masters of Deception • Michael Lynn • Krashed • Raven • r000t • Ryan • Steve Gibson • th3j35t3r • The Regime • Sabu • Zeekill


Related Shit

4chan 2025 MegaHack • Avira • Ciscogate • Cloudflare • Conficker • CyberDefender • Defcon • The Gibson • The Great Em/b/assy Security Leak of 2007 • Heartbleed • I GOT NORTON! • Is Your Son a Computer Hacker? • Operation Sundevil • PIFTS.exe • Social engineering • Stylometry • SubSeven • Zone-H


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