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DOS game: Difference between revisions
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[[Image:Wolfenstein_3D.jpg|thumb|right|Seriously, '''this''' was groundbreaking?!]] | |||
A '''MS DOS game''' is an [[At_least_100|ancient]] relic from an era that most of the retarded Generation Z kiddies never heard of. Most probably because most YouTube's "reviewers", like the [[Angry Video Game Nerd]], spread the image of consoles being the only thing you could ever play on in the 80s and 90s. | |||
Many [[idiots|people]] claim that these "games" were better than the modern games of today. Though some are good, like the [[Monkey Island]] series, most of them either just plain [[rimjob|shovelware]] or had eye/ear-[[Rape|searing]] graphics/sounds. | |||
[[ | |||
==Popular DOS Games== | |||
[[Image:Xcom.jpg|thumb|"[[spoony|BETRAYAAAAAAAAAAL!]]".]] | |||
''' | '''Betrayal at Krondor''': Some obscure RPG every oldfag faps about. One friggin soundtrack that was remixed for different towns. Also spawned a novel series. | ||
''' | '''Blake Stone''': Sci-Fi copy of Wolfenstein. An epic quest for a [[drugs|crack rock]]. | ||
''' | '''Blood''': The most sadistic and violent First Person Shooter of the 90s. Pure love. | ||
''' | '''Corridor 7''': A game that possibly doesn't exist, and can only be loved by the [[Crossmack|most pretentious pseudo-intellectual in the world.]] | ||
''' | '''[[Doom]]''': The only [[Virginia Tech massacre|shooter]] for DOS and Windows 95 that everyone actually heard of and still plays. Also known for having a soundtrack that ripped off every metal band ever. | ||
'''[[Duke Nukem 3D]]''': A game starring a guy who [[Chris Benoit|kicks ass, takes names, and occasionally murders babies]]. This is the [[Columbine|OTHER OTHER good shooter]] for DOS. | '''[[Duke Nukem 3D]]''': A game starring a guy who [[Chris Benoit|kicks ass, takes names, and occasionally murders babies]]. This is the [[Columbine|OTHER OTHER good shooter]] for DOS. | ||
''' | '''[[Dungeons & Dragons]] Gold Box series''': Ancient precursor to ''Baldur's Gate'' and other modern PCRPGs, these catered primarily to friendless [[neckbeard]]s, who had no one with whom they could play [[Dungeons & Dragons]] [[IRL]]. | ||
'''Heretic''': DOOM with elves, for halfwits and assholes who couldn't really play D&D. | '''Heretic''': DOOM with elves, for halfwits and assholes who couldn't really play D&D. | ||
'''Heroes of Might & Magic''': Turn based combat and exploration game that actually kicks ass and doesn't bore you to death. | |||
'''Hexen''': A heinously pixelated sequel to Heretic. For [[Morons|people]] who are tired of [[fun|shooting things in the face]] and would rather [[Retarded|go through tons of dungeons, trying to find a key that ends up being invisible]]. With that said, it has pretty good gib deaths. | '''Hexen''': A heinously pixelated sequel to Heretic. For [[Morons|people]] who are tired of [[fun|shooting things in the face]] and would rather [[Retarded|go through tons of dungeons, trying to find a key that ends up being invisible]]. With that said, it has pretty good gib deaths. | ||
''' | '''Magic Carpet''': YOU'RE A BADASS SANDNIGGER HADOUKENING BEASTS OUT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING SKY ON A GODDAMN MAGIC CARPET! WHAT THE FUCK IS THERE NOT TO LIKE ABOUT THIS GAME? BESIDES, IT'S A FUCKING BULLFROG GAME. BULLFROG, PEOPLE! | ||
'''[[Monkey Island]] 1 & 2''': [[tryhard|Hilarious]] point-and-click adventure games that you should seriously check out. You can even [[An Hero|drown yourself!]] | |||
'''Operation: Body Count''': The authentic counter-terrorist experience, right down to [[fucktarded|using a shotgun as a backup weapon]] and the [[WTF|hell rats.]] | |||
'''Panzer General''': The perfect game for people who wanted the Third Reich to have its final victory. Unfortunately it's clunky as fuck and tough as nails. You "Wehraboos" better check out the game "Panzer Corps". Its a true to the original remake, if you actually want to play this game. | |||
'''Raptor''': Amazing top down shooter with cool weapons. Some untalented hacks from the same company ported the game in 2010, 16 years after its release, so they could cash in a few bucks again. Thanks to them the controls and sound are fucked and the VGA graphics are BLURRED. | |||
'''System Shock''': A boring game about [[Hackers]] and stuff, [[TL;DR]] stuff is everywhere written by the small group of people who have actually played it. Still better than Bioshock, though. | '''System Shock''': A boring game about [[Hackers]] and stuff, [[TL;DR]] stuff is everywhere written by the small group of people who have actually played it. Still better than Bioshock, though. | ||
'''Ultima''': Richard Garriot's RPG that controlled the PC market up until Part VIII, where he and [[EA|Electronic Arts]] basically fucked everything up. The series was killed with the godawful ninth part. It sadly also caused the creation of the first big MMO, Ultima Online. | |||
'''X-Com: UFO Defense''': [[tl;dr| Originally called UFO: Enemy Unknown in Europe before being released as XCOM outside of the UK]]. You commanded an organization of [[Halo| gun-toting marines who had to fight off a plasma-toting coalition of aliens]], as you stole their UFOs, their guns, and their brains while harvesting moar Elerium-115. Was actually a sadistically challenging game, assuming you didn't save every single turn, and reload the second your squad got wiped out by a stray Blaster Bomb. It was finally remade by Firaxis, but yet some [spoony|basement dweller]] is still unhappy with it. | |||
'''WarCraft - Orcs & Humans''': Dune 2 rip-off. You had to build roads just to set up a base. The game basically always ended in one player summoning Water Elementals or Demons en' mass and sending them to the enemy player's base. | |||
'''WarCraft 2 - Tides of Darkness''': Since Blizzard noticed that Orcs & Humans had terrible controls, they tried to do their own game mechanics and created a faster paced version of the game. Then they added a bunch of ships and a new ressource, oil, marketed it as something exciting like "Fight on land, sea and in the air" and threw it on the market. The truth though is that ranged units like archers were laughably weak, Ships were useless except for transporting and gathering oil, Orcs were using overpowered spells like tripmine runes, instant death spells and bloodrage and the dragons & griphons were broken game enders. | |||
'''[[Wolfenstein]]''': The first popular FPS. It had godawful controls, deadly enemies and boring as fuck levels with no architecture what-so-ever... and yet a bazillion more user-made shovelware levels were made for it. Thankfully Doom came around to stop its misery. | |||
== Brain Damage == | == Brain Damage == | ||
[[Image:GoldBoxTitleScreen.jpg|thumb|right|Without a doubt, much [[neckbeard]] [[semen]] has been spilled over this title screen.]] | |||
It is [[Common knowledge|commonly known]] around gaming communities that DOS games can cause [[wrestling|brain damage]], due to the [[Linkin Park|terrible amount of bad techno riffs, repetitive explosions, lack of colors that aren't magenta, brown and grey, and screeching PC speaker sound]]. Play at your own risk. People who play this sort of game will give you a long, complicated argument as for why they play them, such as [[tl;dr|WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT I PLAY SO MUCH! JUST BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE MODERN GAMES LIKE THE REST OF YOU DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD BE]] [[Bullshit|RACIST AGAINST ME!]] [[ALL CAPS|I LOVE OLD DOS GAMES BECAUSE THEY HAVE HEART AND SOUL, WHILE GAMES LIKE THE DARKNESS ARE JUST ABOMINATIONS AGAINST MANKIND!]] [[Lie|YOU'RE SO IGNORANT!]] | It is [[Common knowledge|commonly known]] around gaming communities that DOS games can cause [[wrestling|brain damage]], due to the [[Linkin Park|terrible amount of bad techno riffs, repetitive explosions, lack of colors that aren't magenta, brown and grey, and screeching PC speaker sound]]. Play at your own risk. People who play this sort of game will give you a long, complicated argument as for why they play them, such as [[tl;dr|WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT I PLAY SO MUCH! JUST BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE MODERN GAMES LIKE THE REST OF YOU DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD BE]] [[Bullshit|RACIST AGAINST ME!]] [[ALL CAPS|I LOVE OLD DOS GAMES BECAUSE THEY HAVE HEART AND SOUL, WHILE GAMES LIKE THE DARKNESS ARE JUST ABOMINATIONS AGAINST MANKIND!]] [[Lie|YOU'RE SO IGNORANT!]] | ||
Revision as of 08:41, 24 December 2013
A MS DOS game is an ancient relic from an era that most of the retarded Generation Z kiddies never heard of. Most probably because most YouTube's "reviewers", like the Angry Video Game Nerd, spread the image of consoles being the only thing you could ever play on in the 80s and 90s.
Many people claim that these "games" were better than the modern games of today. Though some are good, like the Monkey Island series, most of them either just plain shovelware or had eye/ear-searing graphics/sounds.
Popular DOS Games
Betrayal at Krondor: Some obscure RPG every oldfag faps about. One friggin soundtrack that was remixed for different towns. Also spawned a novel series.
Blake Stone: Sci-Fi copy of Wolfenstein. An epic quest for a crack rock.
Blood: The most sadistic and violent First Person Shooter of the 90s. Pure love.
Corridor 7: A game that possibly doesn't exist, and can only be loved by the most pretentious pseudo-intellectual in the world.
Doom: The only shooter for DOS and Windows 95 that everyone actually heard of and still plays. Also known for having a soundtrack that ripped off every metal band ever.
Duke Nukem 3D: A game starring a guy who kicks ass, takes names, and occasionally murders babies. This is the OTHER OTHER good shooter for DOS.
Dungeons & Dragons Gold Box series: Ancient precursor to Baldur's Gate and other modern PCRPGs, these catered primarily to friendless neckbeards, who had no one with whom they could play Dungeons & Dragons IRL.
Heretic: DOOM with elves, for halfwits and assholes who couldn't really play D&D.
Heroes of Might & Magic: Turn based combat and exploration game that actually kicks ass and doesn't bore you to death.
Hexen: A heinously pixelated sequel to Heretic. For people who are tired of shooting things in the face and would rather go through tons of dungeons, trying to find a key that ends up being invisible. With that said, it has pretty good gib deaths.
Magic Carpet: YOU'RE A BADASS SANDNIGGER HADOUKENING BEASTS OUT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING SKY ON A GODDAMN MAGIC CARPET! WHAT THE FUCK IS THERE NOT TO LIKE ABOUT THIS GAME? BESIDES, IT'S A FUCKING BULLFROG GAME. BULLFROG, PEOPLE!
Monkey Island 1 & 2: Hilarious point-and-click adventure games that you should seriously check out. You can even drown yourself!
Operation: Body Count: The authentic counter-terrorist experience, right down to using a shotgun as a backup weapon and the hell rats.
Panzer General: The perfect game for people who wanted the Third Reich to have its final victory. Unfortunately it's clunky as fuck and tough as nails. You "Wehraboos" better check out the game "Panzer Corps". Its a true to the original remake, if you actually want to play this game.
Raptor: Amazing top down shooter with cool weapons. Some untalented hacks from the same company ported the game in 2010, 16 years after its release, so they could cash in a few bucks again. Thanks to them the controls and sound are fucked and the VGA graphics are BLURRED.
System Shock: A boring game about Hackers and stuff, TL;DR stuff is everywhere written by the small group of people who have actually played it. Still better than Bioshock, though.
Ultima: Richard Garriot's RPG that controlled the PC market up until Part VIII, where he and Electronic Arts basically fucked everything up. The series was killed with the godawful ninth part. It sadly also caused the creation of the first big MMO, Ultima Online.
X-Com: UFO Defense: Originally called UFO: Enemy Unknown in Europe before being released as XCOM outside of the UK. You commanded an organization of gun-toting marines who had to fight off a plasma-toting coalition of aliens, as you stole their UFOs, their guns, and their brains while harvesting moar Elerium-115. Was actually a sadistically challenging game, assuming you didn't save every single turn, and reload the second your squad got wiped out by a stray Blaster Bomb. It was finally remade by Firaxis, but yet some [spoony|basement dweller]] is still unhappy with it.
WarCraft - Orcs & Humans: Dune 2 rip-off. You had to build roads just to set up a base. The game basically always ended in one player summoning Water Elementals or Demons en' mass and sending them to the enemy player's base.
WarCraft 2 - Tides of Darkness: Since Blizzard noticed that Orcs & Humans had terrible controls, they tried to do their own game mechanics and created a faster paced version of the game. Then they added a bunch of ships and a new ressource, oil, marketed it as something exciting like "Fight on land, sea and in the air" and threw it on the market. The truth though is that ranged units like archers were laughably weak, Ships were useless except for transporting and gathering oil, Orcs were using overpowered spells like tripmine runes, instant death spells and bloodrage and the dragons & griphons were broken game enders.
Wolfenstein: The first popular FPS. It had godawful controls, deadly enemies and boring as fuck levels with no architecture what-so-ever... and yet a bazillion more user-made shovelware levels were made for it. Thankfully Doom came around to stop its misery.
Brain Damage
It is commonly known around gaming communities that DOS games can cause brain damage, due to the terrible amount of bad techno riffs, repetitive explosions, lack of colors that aren't magenta, brown and grey, and screeching PC speaker sound. Play at your own risk. People who play this sort of game will give you a long, complicated argument as for why they play them, such as WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT I PLAY SO MUCH! JUST BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE MODERN GAMES LIKE THE REST OF YOU DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD BE RACIST AGAINST ME! I LOVE OLD DOS GAMES BECAUSE THEY HAVE HEART AND SOUL, WHILE GAMES LIKE THE DARKNESS ARE JUST ABOMINATIONS AGAINST MANKIND! YOU'RE SO IGNORANT!
Of course, anyone with half a brain knows that these people are just misunderstood or just wise, historic people.
External Links
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DOS game is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |