Scientology Speedrunning: Difference between revisions
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[[File:Scientology Center Hollywood Boulevard Los Angeles 2019.jpg|thumb|right|250px|<center>The Church of Scientology Information Center on Hollywood Boulevard</center>]] | [[File:Scientology Center Hollywood Boulevard Los Angeles 2019.jpg|thumb|right|250px|<center>The Church of Scientology Information Center on Hollywood Boulevard</center>]] | ||
Just when you thought you've seen or heard everything, [[Xenu|Lord Xenu]], looking to further his battle against | Just when you thought you've seen or heard everything, [[Xenu|Lord Xenu]], looking to further his battle against his [[Scientology|$cientology]] Correctional Officers that keep him locked up with no stimulation or contact, lost to the [[Universe]] in the [[Alone|SHU]], segregation, of his intergalactic prison. If $cientology were a real religion we'd make a comparision to the [[Christianity|Archangel Michael]], the bottomless pit and [[Satan]] but it isn't. | ||
Recently Lord Xenu was able to release himself from his [[Lie|electronic, wire-cage mountain trap]] (Seriously???) | Even Xenu has found [[Christ]] in prison and taking cues from the one [[Truth|True]] Religion's [[Evil|Evil Doer]], [[Lucifer]], [[Xenu|Lord Xenu]] hatched what can be only described as a genius plan. | ||
Recently Lord Xenu was able to release himself from his [[Lie|electronic, wire-cage mountain trap]]. (Seriously??? Axe Cop was based on the idea that a writer's son, Malachai Nicolle, a [[Kid|5-year-old]] had and it's more creative and plausable than this [[Shit|dribble.) | |||
Escaping from his [[Lulz|Lulzy]] prison for a few seconds, Lord Xenu was able to put the idea of [[Speedrun|Speedrunning]] through the Church of Scientology Information Center in [[California|Hollywood, Los Angeles, California]] in the mind of [[TikTok|TikToker isDurpyy]] while filming himself running through the halls of the building screaming his powerful name [[Xenu]] to strike fear in all of the $cientologist's hearts. The idea that Lord Xenu implanted in isDurpyy's mind is, if people will watch someone on [[Youtube]] beat [[Super Mario|Super Mario 69]] in less than 5 minutes, just think of all the views you'll get running through a Scientology building with your [[Dick]] hanging out. | |||
Like all great ideas on the internet that get a lot of views and likes, Swhileyy wanted some of that sweet, sweet instant [[Fame|E-Fame]] and did a collaboration video with isDurpyy and on March 31, 2026 they did a video where they ran through the same $cientology building. | Like all great ideas on the internet that get a lot of views and likes, Swhileyy wanted some of that sweet, sweet instant [[Fame|E-Fame]] and did a collaboration video with isDurpyy and on March 31, 2026 they did a video where they ran through the same $cientology building. | ||
The video garnered over 90 million views on [[TikTok]] before [[Scientology|$cientology's]] well paid and [[Evil|Scarey]] lawyers had it removed. | The video garnered over 90 million views on [[TikTok]] before [[Scientology|$cientology's]] well paid and [[Evil|Scarey]] lawyers had it removed because it glorified the name of Xenu. | ||
So 90 million views equals, we guess, 0 [[Pussy|E-pussy]] unless they're counting a Japanese [[Hentai]] Anime and their [[Sister]]'s skin moiturizer. | So 90 million views equals, we guess, 0 [[Pussy|E-pussy]] unless they're counting a Japanese [[Hentai]] Anime and their [[Sister]]'s skin moiturizer. | ||
Like all great things that someone else's [[Intelligence|Genius]] has brought forth such as [[McDonald's|The Drive Thru Restaurant]], The [[Batman]] Arkham Series and the [[Prison|Prison Shiv]], everyone and [[Your Mom| | Like all great things that someone else's [[Intelligence|Genius]] has brought forth such as [[McDonald's|The Drive Thru Restaurant]], The [[Batman]] Arkham Series and the [[Prison|Prison Shiv]], everyone and [[Your Mom|Their Mother]] is looking to capitalize on this trend by imitating it because views and likes on a social site are more important than doing something interesting in their [[Life]] like maybe getting a [[Girlfriend]] or moving out of their Mother's [[Basement]]. | ||
<center><youtube>https://youtu.be/TbJSCQMZD4Y</youtube></center> | <center><youtube>https://youtu.be/TbJSCQMZD4Y</youtube></center> | ||
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[[File:Tiny tom cruise stwie.jpeg|thumb|right|250px|<center>Vengence is his so says Xenu</center>]] | [[File:Tiny tom cruise stwie.jpeg|thumb|right|250px|<center>Vengence is his so says Xenu</center>]] | ||
Since [[Scientology|$cientology]] is having videos taken down from TikTok and [[Youtube]] faster than [[You]] can finish 2 large [[New York]] style [[Pizza]]s and saying that these raids aren't happening despite their taking the outside handles off of the doors or chaining the inside doors (uh where's the fire marshal on this) of all their buildings and requiring that people be let in to their buildings only after flashing a wad of [[Money|Cash]] | Since [[Scientology|$cientology]] is having videos taken down from TikTok and [[Youtube]] faster than [[You]] can finish 2 large [[New York]] style [[Pizza]]s and saying that these raids aren't happening despite their taking the outside handles off of the doors of their buildings or chaining the inside doors (uh where's the fire marshal on this) of all their buildings and requiring that people be let in to their buildings only after flashing a wad of [[Money|Cash]], we thought that we'd go straight to the best invasion before these things devolve into people getting inside the building, painting their [[Ass|Asses]] with ink and pressing them up against the walls and windows. | ||
Oh [[Shit]]! How much do you want to bet that someone's going to read this and do it? | Oh [[Shit]]! How much do you want to bet that someone's going to read this and do it? | ||
Probably the best and what will most likely be pinnacle of the [[Raid|Raids]] happened in May of 2026 when more than 20 [[Christian]] dwarves raided the $cientology headquarters in [[Los Angeles]] looking for [[Tom Cruise]] because, the dwarves, all being gymnast height, at or less than 4'8" or 142.25 centimeters if you're one of those [[European]] or [[Azn]] fags. Don't worry about [[Africa]]ns or [[South America]]ns. They can't count past 3. | Probably the best and what will most likely be the pinnacle of the [[Raid|Raids]] happened in May of [[2026]] when more than 20 [[Christian]] dwarves raided the $cientology headquarters in [[Los Angeles]] looking for [[Tom Cruise]] because, the dwarves, all being gymnast height, at or less than 4'8" or 142.25 centimeters if you're one of those [[European]] or [[Azn]] fags. Don't worry about [[Africa]]ns or [[South America]]ns. They can't count past 3. | ||
Both the Dwarves and Tom Cruise being under 4'8", We really see a Cease and decist order from Tom Cruise. We'd say that we'd keep it as a piece of memorablia but they're about as rare as a warrant being served against the [[Catholic]] Church to look at their servers for [[CP|Child Porn]]. | Both the Dwarves and Tom Cruise being under 4'8", We really see a Cease and decist order from [[Tom Cruise]] in our future. We'd say that we'd keep it as a piece of memorablia but they're about as rare as a warrant being served against the [[Catholic]] Church to look at their servers for [[CP|Child Porn]]. | ||
Once more, the Dwarves all being under 4'8" like Tom Cruise felt that they would be able to make friends with Tom since they both have to have conversations with people's [[Crotch rot|Crotches]]. Hoping to convert [[Tom Cruise|Mr. Cruise]] to the side of [[Christ]], the dwarves ran through the Scientology headquarters in Los Angeles looking for him. | Once more, the Dwarves all being under 4'8", like Tom Cruise, felt that they would be able to make friends with Tom since they both have to have conversations with people's [[Crotch rot|Crotches]]. Hoping to convert [[Tom Cruise|Mr. Cruise]] to the side of [[Christ]], the dwarves ran through the Scientology headquarters in Los Angeles looking for him. | ||
As can be expected, the dwarf raid ended when $cientologists called the [[Cops]] and not wanting to be a [[Midget|Dwarf]] in [[Prison|Jail]] because it puts them at that perfect height where they wouldn't have to be forced down on their knees because [[Nigger|Bubu]] wants to [[Oral|Fuck someone's throat]], everybody made a run for it. | As can be expected, the dwarf raid ended when $cientologists called the [[Cops]] and not wanting to be a [[Midget|Dwarf]] in [[Prison|Jail]] because it puts them at that perfect height where they wouldn't have to be forced down on their knees because [[Nigger|Bubu]] wants to [[Oral|Fuck someone's throat]], everybody made a run for it. | ||
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<center><youtube>https://youtube.com/shorts/HeQYLabj5Pc</youtube></center> | <center><youtube>https://youtube.com/shorts/HeQYLabj5Pc</youtube></center> | ||
== Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, And | == Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, And Cash - Scientology Summons Their Lawyers == | ||
[[File:Scientology hallway pic.jpeg|right|250px]] | [[File:Scientology hallway pic.jpeg|right|250px]] | ||
As these raids start to increase because what started out as a pretty [[Kewlies|Cool]] event, every [[Loser]] with a self-esteem | As these raids start to increase because what started out as a pretty [[Kewlies|Cool]] event, every [[Loser]] with a self-esteem issue has to go and ruin it because they want to be like that [[Nigger]] that goes around [[Washington, D.C.]] showing that he can knock people out with a single punch by [[Pussy|Sucker Punching]] them in the jaw while his friend films him on their phone and then gets caught because, like a dumbass, he uploaded the videos to [[TikTok]] and someone that knew him ratted him out for an easy $2,000 payday. | ||
Seriously. You would not believe how many [[Time]]s that has actually happened. | Seriously. You would not believe how many [[Time]]s that this has actually happened. | ||
Scientologists, now taking cues from their [[Lawyers]] have started putting security cameras on every floor and have taken to getting in the way of these people doing speed runs because when one of the speed runners runs into them, it counts as [[Assault]] because the speed runners are already committing criminal tresspass and [[Steal|Burglary]] if the prosecutor | Scientologists, now taking cues from their [[Lawyers]] have started putting security cameras on every floor and have taken to getting in the way of these people doing speed runs because when one of the speed runners runs into them, it counts as [[Assault]] because the speed runners are already committing criminal tresspass and [[Steal|Burglary]] might even get thrown in if the prosecutor wants to do it just for [[Lulz|Shits and Giggles]]. Trust us, with the amount of money $cientology likes to throw at '''Supressive Persons''', burglary will get added. | ||
Being seen as a [[Church]] by the [[United States of Americunts]], these assaults can count as [[H8|Hate crimes]] and can be investigated and prosecuted by the [[Federal agents|Federal Government]]. | Being seen as a [[Church]] by the [[United States of Americunts]], these assaults can count as [[H8|Hate crimes]] and can be investigated and prosecuted by the [[Federal agents|Federal Government]]. | ||
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[[File:Leah remini runs her mouth.jpg|right|250px]] | [[File:Leah remini runs her mouth.jpg|right|250px]] | ||
Looking like [[Star Trek|William Shatner]] on metabolic steroids for | Looking like [[Star Trek|William Shatner]] on metabolic steroids for pneumonia and sounding like a five pack a day [[Cigarette|smoker]], [[Leah Remini]], always looking for attention and always ready to blame $cientology for everything wrong with her life actually had some good advice about this trend of $cientology Speedrunning. | ||
Leah has said that these Speedruns do nothing but benefit $cientology because they get to play the [[Victim]] and [[Crybaby|cry]] that they are being attacked for nothing more then simply who they are. | Leah has said that these Speedruns do nothing but benefit $cientology because they get to play the [[Victim]] and [[Crybaby|cry]] that they are being attacked for nothing more then simply who they are. | ||
Every time someone does a Speedrun in a $cientology building, $cientology gets to cry like a [[Jewish]] Temple in an [[Nazi|Aryan Nation]] neighborhood every time a [[Swastika]] is painted on their door. These Speedruns are counterproductive and let $cientology play the [[Jewish]] discrimination card and say that these [[Speedruns]] are only being done as an attack against their [[Religion|Faith]] | Every time someone does a Speedrun in a $cientology building, $cientology gets to cry like a [[Jewish]] Temple in an [[Nazi|Aryan Nation]] neighborhood every time a [[Swastika]] is painted on their door. These Speedruns are counterproductive and let $cientology play the [[Jewish]] discrimination card and say that these [[Speedruns]] are only being done as an attack against their [[Religion|Faith]]. | ||
Leah also went on to say that these Speedruns do nothing to expose the [[Evil|Evils]] of $cientology. She said that these Speedruns are being done by clueless [[Retard|idiots]] that have only started doing them because they are [[Sheeple]] that think that one of these videos will make their, pathetic, hungry for attention asses look cool. These Speedrunners, she claimed, are no better than [[Tom Cruise]] dropping to his knees, we'll just say that Tom Cruise will drop to his knees and polish [[Psychopath|David Miscavige's]] shoes if he's ordered to because we really don't want to get [[Lolsuit|sued]] | Leah also went on to say that these Speedruns do nothing to expose the [[Evil|Evils]] of $cientology. She said that these Speedruns are being done by clueless [[Retard|idiots]] that have only started doing them because they are [[Sheeple]] that think that one of these videos will make their, pathetic, hungry for attention asses look cool. These Speedrunners, she claimed, are no better than [[Tom Cruise]] dropping to his knees, we'll just say that Tom Cruise will drop to his knees and polish [[Psychopath|David Miscavige's]] shoes if he's ordered to because we really don't want to get [[Lolsuit|sued]] | ||
In one of her more [[Intellectual|intelligent]] points, Leah ended by saying that these Speedruns are counterproductive. Leah claims that $cientology is a [[Cult]] and every day they are being indoctrinated with the [[Train Of Thought|Lesson]] that they are hated simply because they are $cientologists and misunderstood because the people outside their doors are polluted with diembodied spirits or '''Body Thetans''' and are always ready to attack them because $cientology knows the one true universal truth (Christ is King), and if you have enough money, they can exorcise you of these foul "spirits" so that you can have a seat at [[Xenu|Xenu's]] table. During the day you will fight to your death and then be reborn at your seat at [[Xenu|Xenu's]] table where you will eat, [[Alcohol|drink]] and celebrate all night and come morning, this cycle will repeat. | In one of her more [[Intellectual|intelligent]] points, Leah ended by saying that these Speedruns are counterproductive. Leah claims that $cientology is a [[Cult]] and every day they are being indoctrinated with the [[Train Of Thought|Lesson]] that they are hated simply because they are $cientologists and misunderstood because the people outside their doors are polluted with diembodied spirits or '''Body Thetans''' and are always ready to attack them because $cientology knows the one true universal truth (Christ is King), and if you have enough money, they can exorcise you of these foul "spirits" so that you can have a seat at [[Xenu|Xenu's]] table in a great hall. During the day you will fight to your death and then be reborn in the evening, at your seat at [[Xenu|Xenu's]] table where you will eat, [[Alcohol|drink]] and celebrate all night and come morning, this cycle of battle and partying will repeat. | ||
By doing these ''Speedruns'' just for views and likes, Leah said that all these people are doing is reinforcing | By doing these ''Speedruns'' just for views and likes, Leah said that all these people are doing is reinforcing $cientology's indoctrination because they are only being done to fill the wants of their narcissistic body thetans because they are only done for momentary fame and nothing more. | ||
In other words and if you are too dumb to get what [[Leah Remini]] said, in simple words: | In other words and if you are too dumb to get what [[Leah Remini]] said, in simple words: | ||
<center>'''<big>QUIT BEING AN ASSHOLE. EVERYTIME YOU DO ONE OF THESE SPEERUNS ALL YOU ARE DOING IS PLAYING INTO $CIENTOLOGY'S HANDS</big>'''</center> | <center>'''<big>QUIT BEING AN ASSHOLE. EVERYTIME YOU DO ONE OF THESE SPEERUNS ALL YOU ARE DOING IS PLAYING INTO $CIENTOLOGY'S HANDS!!!</big>'''</center> | ||
Revision as of 23:36, 14 May 2026
Just when you thought you've seen or heard everything, Lord Xenu, looking to further his battle against his $cientology Correctional Officers that keep him locked up with no stimulation or contact, lost to the Universe in the SHU, segregation, of his intergalactic prison. If $cientology were a real religion we'd make a comparision to the Archangel Michael, the bottomless pit and Satan but it isn't.
Even Xenu has found Christ in prison and taking cues from the one True Religion's Evil Doer, Lucifer, Lord Xenu hatched what can be only described as a genius plan.
Recently Lord Xenu was able to release himself from his electronic, wire-cage mountain trap. (Seriously??? Axe Cop was based on the idea that a writer's son, Malachai Nicolle, a 5-year-old had and it's more creative and plausable than this [[Shit|dribble.)
Escaping from his Lulzy prison for a few seconds, Lord Xenu was able to put the idea of Speedrunning through the Church of Scientology Information Center in Hollywood, Los Angeles, California in the mind of TikToker isDurpyy while filming himself running through the halls of the building screaming his powerful name Xenu to strike fear in all of the $cientologist's hearts. The idea that Lord Xenu implanted in isDurpyy's mind is, if people will watch someone on Youtube beat Super Mario 69 in less than 5 minutes, just think of all the views you'll get running through a Scientology building with your Dick hanging out.
Like all great ideas on the internet that get a lot of views and likes, Swhileyy wanted some of that sweet, sweet instant E-Fame and did a collaboration video with isDurpyy and on March 31, 2026 they did a video where they ran through the same $cientology building.
The video garnered over 90 million views on TikTok before $cientology's well paid and Scarey lawyers had it removed because it glorified the name of Xenu.
So 90 million views equals, we guess, 0 E-pussy unless they're counting a Japanese Hentai Anime and their Sister's skin moiturizer.
Like all great things that someone else's Genius has brought forth such as The Drive Thru Restaurant, The Batman Arkham Series and the Prison Shiv, everyone and Their Mother is looking to capitalize on this trend by imitating it because views and likes on a social site are more important than doing something interesting in their Life like maybe getting a Girlfriend or moving out of their Mother's Basement.
Let's Get Straight To The Good Stuff
Since $cientology is having videos taken down from TikTok and Youtube faster than You can finish 2 large New York style Pizzas and saying that these raids aren't happening despite their taking the outside handles off of the doors of their buildings or chaining the inside doors (uh where's the fire marshal on this) of all their buildings and requiring that people be let in to their buildings only after flashing a wad of Cash, we thought that we'd go straight to the best invasion before these things devolve into people getting inside the building, painting their Asses with ink and pressing them up against the walls and windows.
Oh Shit! How much do you want to bet that someone's going to read this and do it?
Probably the best and what will most likely be the pinnacle of the Raids happened in May of 2026 when more than 20 Christian dwarves raided the $cientology headquarters in Los Angeles looking for Tom Cruise because, the dwarves, all being gymnast height, at or less than 4'8" or 142.25 centimeters if you're one of those European or Azn fags. Don't worry about Africans or South Americans. They can't count past 3.
Both the Dwarves and Tom Cruise being under 4'8", We really see a Cease and decist order from Tom Cruise in our future. We'd say that we'd keep it as a piece of memorablia but they're about as rare as a warrant being served against the Catholic Church to look at their servers for Child Porn.
Once more, the Dwarves all being under 4'8", like Tom Cruise, felt that they would be able to make friends with Tom since they both have to have conversations with people's Crotches. Hoping to convert Mr. Cruise to the side of Christ, the dwarves ran through the Scientology headquarters in Los Angeles looking for him.
As can be expected, the dwarf raid ended when $cientologists called the Cops and not wanting to be a Dwarf in Jail because it puts them at that perfect height where they wouldn't have to be forced down on their knees because Bubu wants to Fuck someone's throat, everybody made a run for it.
Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, And Cash - Scientology Summons Their Lawyers
As these raids start to increase because what started out as a pretty Cool event, every Loser with a self-esteem issue has to go and ruin it because they want to be like that Nigger that goes around Washington, D.C. showing that he can knock people out with a single punch by Sucker Punching them in the jaw while his friend films him on their phone and then gets caught because, like a dumbass, he uploaded the videos to TikTok and someone that knew him ratted him out for an easy $2,000 payday.
Seriously. You would not believe how many Times that this has actually happened.
Scientologists, now taking cues from their Lawyers have started putting security cameras on every floor and have taken to getting in the way of these people doing speed runs because when one of the speed runners runs into them, it counts as Assault because the speed runners are already committing criminal tresspass and Burglary might even get thrown in if the prosecutor wants to do it just for Shits and Giggles. Trust us, with the amount of money $cientology likes to throw at Supressive Persons, burglary will get added.
Being seen as a Church by the United States of Americunts, these assaults can count as Hate crimes and can be investigated and prosecuted by the Federal Government.
Seeing as how $cientology likes to throw money at anything to make an Asshole go away, if you're in one of these videos where a $cientologist is struck, don't be surprised if the Party Van parks in front of your house and Scarey men in black suits step out if you haven't already been arrested because, as we said earlier, these runs are now being seen as Hate Crimes and the Pigs are showing up at Scientology Centers faster then a Cop teleporting instantly to a Jewish Temple because a Rabbi called and said that there's a Skinhead painting a Swastika on the Temple's door.
Leah Remini Runs Her Mouth
Looking like William Shatner on metabolic steroids for pneumonia and sounding like a five pack a day smoker, Leah Remini, always looking for attention and always ready to blame $cientology for everything wrong with her life actually had some good advice about this trend of $cientology Speedrunning.
Leah has said that these Speedruns do nothing but benefit $cientology because they get to play the Victim and cry that they are being attacked for nothing more then simply who they are.
Every time someone does a Speedrun in a $cientology building, $cientology gets to cry like a Jewish Temple in an Aryan Nation neighborhood every time a Swastika is painted on their door. These Speedruns are counterproductive and let $cientology play the Jewish discrimination card and say that these Speedruns are only being done as an attack against their Faith.
Leah also went on to say that these Speedruns do nothing to expose the Evils of $cientology. She said that these Speedruns are being done by clueless idiots that have only started doing them because they are Sheeple that think that one of these videos will make their, pathetic, hungry for attention asses look cool. These Speedrunners, she claimed, are no better than Tom Cruise dropping to his knees, we'll just say that Tom Cruise will drop to his knees and polish David Miscavige's shoes if he's ordered to because we really don't want to get sued
In one of her more intelligent points, Leah ended by saying that these Speedruns are counterproductive. Leah claims that $cientology is a Cult and every day they are being indoctrinated with the Lesson that they are hated simply because they are $cientologists and misunderstood because the people outside their doors are polluted with diembodied spirits or Body Thetans and are always ready to attack them because $cientology knows the one true universal truth (Christ is King), and if you have enough money, they can exorcise you of these foul "spirits" so that you can have a seat at Xenu's table in a great hall. During the day you will fight to your death and then be reborn in the evening, at your seat at Xenu's table where you will eat, drink and celebrate all night and come morning, this cycle of battle and partying will repeat.
By doing these Speedruns just for views and likes, Leah said that all these people are doing is reinforcing $cientology's indoctrination because they are only being done to fill the wants of their narcissistic body thetans because they are only done for momentary fame and nothing more.
In other words and if you are too dumb to get what Leah Remini said, in simple words:
See Also
- Money - They will take all your money and demand more.
- Storm Area 51 - more or less the same shit but with Area 51.
External Links
Scientology Speedrunning is part of the following series:
|
Scientology Speedrunning is part of a series on Visit the Anonymous Portal for complete coverage. |
| UFO Cults: | Scientology • Galactic Federation of Light • Heaven's Gate • Raelians • Nibiru |
|---|---|
| New-age Faggotry: |
Wicca • The Dolmen • Moonies • Paganism • Black Alchemy • Fagnosticism • Prem Rawat • Voluntary Human Extinction Movement • Thoth • Ron Paul • Red Ice Creations |
| Raep cults: | Islam • Maniacs Murder Cult • Manson Family • Masons • Satanism |
| Jesus Cults: | Aum Shinrikyo • Branch Davidians • Chick Tracts • Ex-Gay • Jehovah's Witnesses • Mormonism • People's Temple • Westboro Baptist Church |
| Wannabe Cults: | Sephyism • Sonic CulT • Vampires • Goths • Furries • Mulderite • Wooks • Bronies • Libertarians • Feminism |
| Stupid Cults: | Scientology • Atheism • Social Justice • Breatharian • Michelle Belanger/House Kheperu • Sonic Passion • Highgate Vampire, the • The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch |
| Troll Cults: | Anonymous • Cult of the Dead Cow • Raptor Jesus • John Solomon • Church of the SubGenius • Discordianism |
| Web 2.0 Cults: | Atheist Scum United • Kiwi Farms • Kony 2012 • Rational Response Squad • RationalWiki • Wikipedia • WP:DAILYMAIL • Young Tubers United |