Transformers

Teh best Transformers movie evar.

Teh best Transformers movie evar.

Optimus Obama.

Transformers is a fantasy in which giant, transforming robots fight a civil war (and according to certain fangirls, take time out to suck each other's USB cables). They have also become victims of bad fan fiction, Mary Sue,slash and Michael Bay over the past 25 years. This epic struggle has been recreated in multiple cartoon series, a comic book (or a thousand), at least half a dozen video games, a trilogy of action-packed movies, an ornate series of tapestries, two books-on-tape, a Gay Robot Convention, and an erotica collection. Anyone going to a Transformers forum or any other form of media will experience the biggest collection of 40 year old males and 15 year-old girls outside of a Chris Hansen pedo sting.

	“	Watch your aim, guys! We don't want to blow away any history!	„
	—Hound, while running backwards.

Characters

Autobots

Name	Description
Optimus Prime	Leader of the Autobots and one of the key characters. Fangirls insist on writing fanfiction that has Megatron ræping him at least 100 times. It's pretty ironic that he stands for justice and equality, considering some of his fans.
Jazz	Token black robot. Was pretty much the coolest Autobot since he had a flamethrower and could pwn people using music, but that didn't matter since he was pretty.
Bumblebee	Virtually always the child relation character, except in Prime, where he wasn't really anything. In G1, he transformed into a Volkswagen Beetle that could somehow maneuver like a racecar.
Prowl	May or may not be the Autobot second-in-command, depending on who you ask. Main job was to help Optimus figure out new and interesting ways to troll the Decepticons.
Wheeljack	The engineer/inventor for the Autobots. Makes things explode. He had more than a dozen babies with his gay lover Ratchet.
Blaster	Autobot version of Soundwave; has cassette babies too but no one gives a shit. Hates Soundwave more than anything else since he raped Beachcomber, but gets paired with him anyway because no means yes.
Tracks	Most fabulous of the Autobots. Some fangirls like to pretend he's straight, even though he turned down a woman in canon.
Hound	Hound was a jeep in the 80's cartoon and... that's it. He hasn't been anything else. In 2007, he got a new toy that came with Ravage. Why an Autobot jeep came with a Decepticon casette-cat, nobody knows. All of his most notable lines revealed that fact that he was retarded.
Windcharger	Did nothing interesting, and even the creators of the Transformers knew it. His original profile basically read, "he has ADHD", except they had to outline the symptoms so as to fill space. The one notable thing he did was become an hero.
Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime	Transforms into a van with flame decals and is the most hated Transformer evar, for pretty much no reason. Ironically, Hasbro executives truly believed he would become popular after they killed off Optimus Prime. Instead, millions of ten-year-old brats locked themselves in their bathrooms and threatened to commit hara-kiri/seppuku. Possibly the biggest source of drama in the entire fandom, but the reality is that he pwns pretty much everybody. In fact, one could say that he is in many ways a much superior leader than Optimus Prime ever could be.
Ultra Magnus	A pretty much useless character, considering he is second-in-command to Rodimus Prime. He hardly does anything useful yet being one of the most powerful autobots evar, and can't even handle the role of leader. All he does is fail at stopping the Decepticons and gets blown to pieces for his troubles as well. Also, he can never deal with anything at any moment, it seems.
Arcee	First female Transformer evar. Her fans are pretty much the most easily trolled of all of them, as all you have to do is say that females were only introduced into the series to appease feminists, she spent all her time flirting with Hot Rod, and that since alien robots don't have gender, she's technically a man. In Spotlight Arcee it was revealed that she was a transexual, causing fangirls everywhere to shit bricks.
Elita-One	Optimus Prime's sister. Stayed on Cybertron to keep an eye on her bitches while everybody else was doing man's work.
Hot Shot	Pretty much the lead character in Armada. Nobody remembers him for anything past the jAaM jokes, even though the only people that laugh at those are asspies. Was openly gay for Wheeljack.
Blurr	The galaxy's fastest transformer. He is so annoying that at some times his irritating nature even rivals that of Wheelie's. His main shtick is that he runs and talks really fast. That's his character. That's it.
Kup	Kup is the token geezer of the franchise. He is always talking about his old war stories and never shuts up about them, to the point where sometimes the other characters act irritated at the fact of said not shutting up about his war stories.

Decepticons

Autobots and Decepticons teaching kids how to settle a dispute.

Name	Description
Megatron	The robot that turns into a Nazigun; also the main villain of the series. Brought war to a peaceful planet in every continuity, and generally fucked everyone. In the 2007 movie, he totally pwned the black robot, ripping him in half after being asked if he wanted a piece of him. He replied, "No, I want TWO!" This proves the nigga must die in every action movie. No exceptions. Megatron then proceeds to rip apart every black man to have ever walked on the set.
Galvatron	Unicron finds Megatron adrift in space, and decides to upgrade his firmware. This results in a Leonard Nimoy voice, new appearance, new name, new alt. mode, and an alignment change from Lawful Evil to Chaotic Evil. Galvatron is so much less of a pussy than Megatron that he can't even wait 5 fucking minutes after being born to kill the shit out of Starscream. His main characteristic is that he is utterly batshit insane, and gloriously so.
Starscream	Decepticon fighter jet and also their second in command, which was clearly a bad decision on Megatron's part as he spends his days trying to kill him. Fortunately however, he spends his nights making up for it.
Soundwave	Likes to say "Energon Cubes" like a real badass, and has the most chilling laugh you will ever hear. Shoots cassette babies out of his chest named Lazerbeak, Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, and Buzzsaw. [1] Troll Soundwave fans by reminding him that he's one of the most cold-hearted Decepticons and doesn't make exceptions from his traitorous ways for Mary-Sues or his cassettes.
Cyclonus	Galvatron's prison bitch. Did pretty much nothing in Animated.
Shockwave	Cyclops asshole who runs the space bridges and is secretly moist for Megatron, much to the eternal dismay of Starscream. One of his arms is either a gun or a giant dildo. Evidence suggests it is the latter.

Other Characters

Name	Description
Spike	Token human from G1. Every fan hates him because he got to turn into a Transformer and made out with Bumblebee.
Carly	Token woman from G1. Marries Spike in the end, even though when they met he was 14 and she was graduating from college.
Sparkplug	Holds the title for being the most different things, as he has been a human, a dog, and a Mini-con. Most remembered for his original role as Spike's father, except that nobody remembers him.
Alexis	Token human female from Armada. Hated just as much as Spike, but because she got to make out with Starscream.
Unicron	Giant planet that eats other planets. Looks like a huge pokeball and was voiced by Orson Welles when he was at the bitter end of his career. His action figure is far too big and expensive for mere children so buy them something else.

Television and Movies

Kiss Players

Melmo in Japan

Kiss Players is a Japanese Transformers Manga and toy line wherein the Transformers fuse with human girls when they kiss. Optimus Prime enjoys having his human girl rub his shift stick; it makes him moan. Honestly, Japan? When a girl defuses with a Transformer, she is covered head to toe with Autobot.

Transformers Armada

Shit that retarded weeaboos obsess over in hopes that watching Japanese anime will somehow make them Japanese. However, none of them have actually seen the original version as it doesn't come subbed and none of them speak Japanese past the word "kawaii." A favorite among slash fans that actually know it exists, as every character in the entire show is gay.

Transformers Animated

Transformers Animated is the latest Transformers cartoon to be forgotten by its legion of former fans, who all moved on to fap over Prime instead. With the use of shitty paper cutouts to depict characters, it proves Cartoon Network is too fucking Jew to hire Korean animators like all the other fascist media outlets. Features a ninja version of Prowl who became an hero in the series finale, causing fans the world over to follow his example.

Transformers Prime

Transformers Prime is the newest Transformers. Pretty much everything about the show sucks. They killed off Cliffjumper in the first episode, again in the second episode, and a third time in the third episode, and his wife watched it happen every single time. Has graphics that look unimpressive even next to the Transfomers Animated. Starscream has legs like Barbie and all the fanshits love him.

Transformers the Film

Not to be confused with Transformers the Movie, which was pretty much the most badass Transformers has ever and will ever be. Featured Shia LeBoof bitching about how he got a free Camaro because the radio's a little wonky, but nobody noticed because they were all too busy staring at Megan Fox's tits.

Transformers 2: Electric Boogaloo

Michael Bay <3 Decepticon Junk

Transformers ROTFL is the second Transformers action movie directed by Michael Bay, now with even more robots in blackface, über-dork Shia LeBeef, and robot testes, with the added bonus of a Decepticon robot named Alice created solely to be a slut. Naturally, this movie is a big hit with thirteen year-old nerds and their fathers.

	“	There was no LULZ, only AIDS.	„
	—a /b/tard after watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Transformers 3

This Micheal Bay fucker doesn't know when to stop. He's made yet another shitty movie but he promised it will be better then the last. It was, but better in the sense that you step in dog shit and before you can change your shoe you step in dog shit again. Maybe it's not as bad as the initial stain, but it's still just more shit. Called Dark Side of the Moon, this one stars the same whining nigger from before because the USofA decided that banhammering the 30-foot giant robots would stop the fighting of the 35-foot giant robots that previously tried to kill them. While laughing like whitey watching niggers fight over a bucket of KFC, the Decepticons gather a bunch of magic dildo's and use them to create a magic portal to bring their planet over to Earth to have a massive orgy. The Autobots arrive at the end to save the day, and Optimus rips Megatron's head and spine out of his body. It's essentially a fanfic with explosions. Butthurt ensued from the 13-year old boys since Megan Fox wasn't in this one, but they quickly got over it when they saw the blonde lesbian that replaced her.

Transformers 4: Age of Explosions

One is the worst Transformers film so far, this dog shit had grossed $1,091,405,097, despite many, many, MANY negative criticisms.

To make things worst, a sequel is planned to be released in 2017, with that Michael Bay fucker kicked out from directing, and a writer who wrote the 3rd and 4th Batgay movies was hired to provide the script. And even worst: the spin-offs of the movies are planned too.

One- and Three-Step-Changers

Hey, quick question. Remember when you were a kid, and you played with your amazing Transformers toys? remember how fun it was to ignore the instructions and just figure out how it worked on your own? Wasn't that fun? Well, it seems kids today are too impatient to spend, like, 30 seconds to transform their toys into badass robots. That's why Hasbro has invented Transformers toys that transform in 1-3 steps! on paper, it sounds like a fine idea, but in reality, IT REMOVES ONE OF THE VERY THINGS THAT MAKES TRANSFORMERS FUN. It's almost as bad as the Action Master Transformers toys, which took away the toys' ability to transform altogether! It really speaks volumes about not only the attention span of children today, but also how stupid toy designers think kids are. In a few years, maybe the damn toys will transform on their own! Just imagine the conversation you would be having with your child/grandchild about your toys you had as a kid:

You: "Well, back in my day, we had to transform our toys with our hands! usually it only took about 30 or so seconds to do it if you knew what you were doin'..."

Kid: "What? You mean you gotta use your hands? That's like a baby's toy! Mine transform with the help of my electro-telekinetic head strap! Yours sound about as fun as playing with a rock!"

You: "Eh, kids today, with their rassa-frassin' electrum-tellikeenatick toys..."

Drama Generation Techniques

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• FIRRIB is seriously the stupidest fucking thing to argue about out of the history of things to argue about.

• Ask characters stupid questions about rape and buttsex on Formspring. And here is a nice list of Animated characters to fuck with. Here is a list of Bayformers on Formspring. For extra lulz, ask movie Optimus Prime questions about Bonita. Or you can just sit and watch Unicron troll people who ask him questions.

• The first Transformers TV show was not anime. Try telling that to the Azns.

• Troll Transformers comic book nerds on the Allspark forum by claiming All Hail Megatron was the best series evar.

• Question whether Unicron, could beat up the Death Star. And then claim the Death Star would win.

• Say that Rodimus Prime was twice the leader that Optimus was.

• Ask how Megatron can create the Constructicons and later be created by them in the original cartoon.

• Say that the original Transformers cartoon isn't as good as the current version.

• Say that the current version isn't as good as the original Transformers cartoon.

• Bring up the 'trukk not munky' debate.

• Ask Tramp Graphics how gay Transformers make babies and then counter it with the facts, watch as he bitches about how wrong you are.

• Ask if female robots are canon, then accuse anyone who says no of wanting some black cock.

• Ask anyone who calls female robots 'femmes', why the males are not called 'hommes'.

• Call the movie a shitty two hour commercial for General Motors, Burger King, Mountain Dew, Apple, Nokia, the U.S. Airforce, and the HEX-BOX 666. Alternatively, praise the movie and talk about how much you idolize Michael Bay.

• Tell someone who claims they married a fictional character or that they are a fictional character that they live in a delusion.

• Call Cyclonus the Easter Bunny. (G1 or TFA only, faggot, he was a helicopter in the Unicron trilogy!)

• Point out anywhere that, since they were both created by Alpha Trion, Optimus Prime and Elita-One are siblings.

• Criticize the TF Wiki, say the Wikia is better, or inform Jeysie that she does not, in fact, know everything.

• Go into a slash community and say Prowl x Jazz wouldn't work. Back it up with canon for extra lulz.

• Go into a het community and say Inferno was gay for Red Alert. Back it up with moar canon for extra lulz.

• Find any OC and inform the creator that she's a Mary-Sue, and list reasons why-- unless, of course, you're dealing with Toon Queen, in which case tell her that her mommy didn't love her. Offer genuine critique on either for bonus lulz.

• As a last resort, you can always threaten to rape someone at the Gay Robot Convention or kick their ass. Whatever works for you.

Videos

Typical scene from Transformers. Transformers satire Funny Scenes Funny clips Angry Video Game Nerd Typical Transformers music. The MOTHERFUCKING Touch Dare The Transformers theme on steroids Previous Video | Next Video

Gallery of Transformations

Transformers About missing Pics

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  Facepalm
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  LOLDONGS!
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  Moar than meets the eye.
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  Now you can die alone while you die alone!
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  At least 100% of transformers fanboys have this up their ass.
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  FGSFDS
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  Pepsi is the right of all sentient beings.
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  You're doing it wrong.
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  Optimus cares about black Autobots.
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  God in the eyes of transfags.
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  God, in the eyes of decepticons everywhere. Or at least for a certain Transfag.
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  Legion about to rape a tramp in Kiss Players, note the shape of his tongue.
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  Autobot sperm
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  Megatron engaging in sex with Ratchet.
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  Decepticons only take PayPal.
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  WANNA' PIECE OF ME?!?!
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  Love
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  NO EXCEPTIONS.
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  How a robot cock looks like - according to some stupid ass fangirls. A true masterpiece, made in MS Paint.
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  Fap, fap, fap...
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  CLANK, CLANG, CLANG, CLANG. Ah, the sound of robo-buttsex
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  Transformers + Furries = a whole new level of eyeburn
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  Typical fantard
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  And another...
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  Again
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  Another typical retarded fantard
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  Michael Bay's contribution to Transformers-Niggas in Disguise
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  What Soundwave and the Decepticons think of Ipods.
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  One of Kenyastarflight's recent masterpieces (Note: she's 26 years old)
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  The hottest piece of Beast Wars porn you'll ever find.
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  This Transformers icon of Doctor Robotnik deserves a PROMOTION.
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  He's a brony too!
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  This is the reaction you get if you insult their beautiful fanworks. Tell this fan what you think of her works if you can get through her long ass ff.net profile.
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  All characters in the known Transformers universe utilise Prime Dollars as a form of currency.
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  HA HA HA NO

Specially Made Userboxes

Use one of these on your user page if you assign yourself as either faction!

This user is an Autobot moralfag.

This user is a Decepticon troll.

See Also

• Michael Bay
• Kathleen Todd
• The Unknown Autobot

External Links

• Pregnant Optimus Prime group. Pretty much embodies the scum of the fandom
• Transformers P0rn
• A walkthrough of some particularly ridiculous moments in Transformer fandom history
• HAY REMEMBER THAT DUDE TURNED INTO A TAPE PLAYER HE RULED.
• Butthurt homophobic against fangirls who write about having SEX with TRANSFORMERS!
• Robo-slash adoring lesbian fangirls who love writing about having SEX with TRANSFORMERS!
• Lulzy fan site on all the batshit rejects from the above mentioned message boards
• TRANSFORMERS IS RUINED FOREVER!
• Someone doesn't understand the deep, meaningful relevance of TF porn.
• Feel free to troll and tell yuor friends...
• The website housing the chatbox below A shitty RP board. Cbox is back. TROLL AWAY.
• Transformers RP cbox Old version of the Cbox with old trolling is still up. Posts here do NOT go to the main box. Look at it for archival purposes only.

Links to all Transformers Cartoons in chronological order

• The movie
• The original cartoon
• The Headmasters animu
• The Super God Masterforce animu
• The Victory animu
• Beast Wars
• Beast Machines
• Robots In Disguise (the 2001 version, not the shitty remake series)
• The shitty Armada series
• The shittier Energon series
• The even shittier Cybertron series
• The animu-esque Animated series
• The Prime series
• Robots In Disguise (the shitty remake series)

Transformers is part of a series on Comic Books

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Transformers is part of a series on Television Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article May 10 & 11, 2013
Preceded by Gun control	Transformers	Succeeded by Heath Campbell

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