Abstinence

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Wear this if you need help being chaste and pure or just a sexual repressed deviant.

Women who are abstinent fear this.

All virgins are horny as hell, but always stop short of penetration. Others are just plain paranoid about any man touching them. All types fly solo instead. AKA: Menage a Moi.

Abstinence refers to the position of voluntarily refraining from sex. Most people who are abstinent do so due to religious reasons, a desire to save their virginity for their spouse or "the right person" or simply because they're are too fucking paranoid, wussy/ugly/dumb to get any. Or some combination of the above.

This should not be confused with being a technical virgin, since those who are abstinent refrain from all forms of intercourse, including buttsex. & yes, there are men who are abstinent.

Scientific Explanation

“   You'd know this if you ever had a girlfriend.   „     Fuck Abstinence Abstinence-only Sex Education In recent years, the focus of secondary school sex education is has shifted from application (i.e. condom use, positions) to abstinence-only. The higher-ups insist that this is to keep kids safe, but everyone knows that it's really an elaborate scheme to turn as many of them into neoconservative pseudo-Christians as possible. Use scrollbar to see the full image School-of-abstinence .vs School-of-life Hardware Chastity Rings The last thing you want to see on a girl's finger Chastity Rings (also known as Purity Rings) are wedding rings you wear before you get married - the person who wears one commits to staying with a partner whom they never have sex with. They are commonly worn as compensation for the realization that no one is really interested in doing them anytime soon. Who Buys Them? Females 12 year old girls With their limited mental capacities, young girls are easily brainwashed into following the Jonas Brothers, who also wear these rings (see faggots). A subsequent contest is found in the later teen years, dressing as preppy bubble-gum teenie boppers pulling slutty poses/clothes, seeing how much of a cocktease they can be without actually getting involved in a relationship other than Jesus. Males: Wait, What? Homos can have chastity rings too. Faggots Unable to cope with the fact they enjoy having sausage pumped into their assholes, some men like to pretend they chose not to have sex with women because of their religious beliefs and not because they're the ones who would be wearing the wedding dress in Massachusetts. Real men realise that even though vaginas are scary, they can still be tamed while the girls is still 12 years old - which coincidentally is the same age most girls want to buy chastity rings. Asexuals Like being gay, everyone knows that being asexual is not a choice - try though they might, nobody is willing to fuck them. In order to deluded themselves into thinking they are not ugly, empty, lonely creatures they also claim to chose putting off sex, possibly until death. Castrati If you don't have the junk, you can't hit that badunkadunk. Simple as that. Chastity Devices Some sexual deviants get off on having their genitals under lock and key, with someone else holding the key. Of course, they rarely find someone else for that job because they're just too creepy in the first place. If your husband tries to get you to participate in such a fantasy divorce him, otherwise he'll next convince you to sleep with some black dude and then bring a creampie back home for him to eat. Of course, he'll chicken out and you'll just get AIDS, you dirty whore. Of the women who enjoy wearing a chastity belt we may consider none, or at least very few of them, as sexual deviants. They actually have the right idea. Some examples are shown below. Trolling What Jesus has to say about premarital sex Christians Short of snipping the bitch's clit off a pretty ring isn't going to stop some women breeding like cockroaches. Abortion is not only simpler but funnier as once she's been scraped often enough she'll become sterile anyway. WWJD? The most common excuse people have for abstinence is that it makes Jesus happy. For most, those stupid purity rings are a way to show that one has made a promise to themselves and to God to stay "pure" until marriage. As far as these people are concerned, fornication is a 1-way ticket to eternal damnation to the smoltering embers of Hell along with daily sodomy by the massive barbed shlong of Satan. Sucks to be them. Everyone Else Of all the terrible things teenaged bimbos get up to - contracting STDs, flashing their tits on 4chan, getting pregnant etc. - taking a vow not to have sex until they're married has caused the most outrage among parents, because it is the right of every cum-beltching gutter whore to down as many cocks as possible before she becomes too old to be of any interest. Some argue that condoms are better at preventing pregnancy than Chastity rings, overlooking the fact that 14 year old girls from California should not be hooking up with men who enjoy girls under a certain age in the first place. You can troll the deviants who participate in enforced chastity by visiting forums like Chastity Mansion and making up some story about how you regret introducing the fetish to your wife and are now contemplating suicide. The Only Sure Form of Contraception? In spite of what abstinence-only douchebags claim, abstinence does not decrease the likelihood of pregnancy - not if you sleep next to your partner in the same bed every night. Seriously - it is a well-known fact among legitimate sex educators that abstinence has a significantly higher failure rate as a birth control method than condoms or the pill. Brutal irony. FACT: People who are abstinent tend to avoid everything sexual, so they're a little more nervous about being caught anywhere near the condom aisle at the store, so they are far more likely to not be prepared during a weak moment. Tough shit. Or just be a sexual deviant and embrace chastity while some large black bull bangs your wife because your genes are too weak to be passed on to the next generation. See Also 26 is ridiculously old in internet years. Purity Ball - How they get young girls into the scheme Christfaggotry Abortion Condoms Conservapedia South Park STDs Bristol Palin Almost Raped - the abstinent girl's standard excuse for letting a guy get too close. External Links South Park on purity rings, Disney, the Jonas Brothers and preteen sexuality Abstinence is part of a series on Sex Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage. Abstinence is part of a series on Christianity Blessed by God [-+] Al Sharpton • Amalea • Anders Behring Breivik • Andrew Quah • Andy Schlafly • Angry Homo Kid • Ann Coulter • Anne Rice • BayHorseCrew • Brad McQuaid • Bruce Jenner • Butch Hartman • CHB • Chris-chan • Chuck Norris • Concerned Women • Crusadercat • Dan Lirette • DBoyWheeler • DLAbaoaqu • Donnie Davies • Duck Dynasty • Elias Abuelazam • Elvis Presley • ExaltGod • FCU777 • George W. 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