Newgrounds/BBS/Mods

Moderators

The Newgrounds BBS has many moderators, most of whom are teenage girls that got to be where they are by constantly sucking admin cock. All of them were personally appointed by Wade, so shittiness is an absolute guarantee. The mods' job is to ban people who say funny things and delete topics that make people happy. They also spend most of their time makin shitty in-jokes that nobody gets, but people laugh to seem smart.

A breakdown of the mods is as follows:

Actual Moderators

The mod ratio to best tell them apart.

The Jewgrounds mods in attendance at their annual mod-meat / circlejerk.

• Bigbadron: An asshole who will ban you if you disagree with him. If you win the arguement, he will ban the shit out of you. Motto is "Stern, stern but fair." HAHAHAHHAH! NO LONGER A MEMBER OF THE CIRCLE JERK COMMITTEE.
• Ozcar: Is a dirty, filthy Mexican who not only doesn't understand the status quo, but is also teh ghey in addition to owning an extensive collection of gay pr0n.
• Sarai: An azn cocktease who is only there to talk about how hawt she is. The other moderators bukkake on her face later. She stepped down when she refused to post pics of herself naked.

Oh, Zerok. Planet Earth + Hard Liquor = Alcoholic.

• Zerok: A massive faggot from the Virgin Islands (seriously) whose only purpose in life is to play chess and remind people that he is a college student and therefore possesses a superior intellect. Like all mods, he is corrupt and will ban you for saying 'lol'. He also nurses an alcohol addiction, which he attempts unsuccessfully to assuage by watching DVD episodes of Planet Earth every night, and crying himself to sleep.
• Maus: Filthy dyke who pretends to have decent poetry. Is anti-photoshop threads.
• Stamper: This douchebag's favorite activity is drawing phalli for the legions of homosexual users to drool over. He's actually paid by Fulp to render this service
• DanMalo: The only time this blatantly emo and bisexual user appears is to post semi-nude pictures for the public enjoyment. You think that's a joke? DanMalo, it is widely known, is finely attuned to his own sexual needs, which include bestiality, posing nude for a large audience of 13 year old boys via the Jewgrounds forums, and being always on the lookout, ever vigilant for a clever piece of photographic whimsy and symbolism that could cause nary a Jewgrounder to be disappointed by the risquée display (A cat, girded against his loins. Oh, the symbolism). NO LONGER A MEMBER OF THE CIRCLE JERK COMMITTEE.

	“	I jumped that border like a Mexican a long time ago.	„
	—DanMalo giving the typical nonchalant response to an inquiry put forth asking the million dollar question: "Borderline Gay?"

JadeTheNewfag, attempting to /b/.

• JadeTheAssassin: Rare is the occasion that one happens across a person with absolutely no redeeming qualities; ugly, nerdy, and reactionary are all adjectives that could accurately be used in a description of this colossal monstrosity of human devolution. It is blatantly obvious that, like all other mods, and perhaps especially in "her" case, the only reason that she wields the banhammer is that "she" is particularly skilled at moving her dry, cracked, and generally ill-maintained lips up and down the shaft of a certain administrator's penis, inducing a blinding orgasm of goodwill.
• mamatequila: Canadian pothead dyke who spends her free time luring men into possible sexual intercourse, then cuts off their dicks.
• SardonicSamurai: Samurai is approaching weeabooism. Sardonic smacks of pseudo-intellectuality
• HAQnSPITT: Nobody knows who the fuck this is, because "she" never fucking posts. Why is she a mod? Ask Wadolf. In fact, while you're at it, ask Wadolf about the over 9000 other mods that have been appointed over the last few years, that never actually post.
• EyeLovePoozy: Obtained modship by streaming live video on PalTalk of himself masturbating while sitting in the cab of a crane.

Accepted Moderator Philosophy

• MindChamber: A "major" Mod who has to keep Tom and Wadolf company, gets butthurt if other men offer to flash their dicks at the live webcams.
• gumOnshoe: The latest faggot mod to grace the virgin presence of Jewgrounds. No matter how many admins he he manages to suck off, his ass always ends up handed to him on a silver platter by lowly commoners who see through his transparent ruse. Previously a regular, and also former mod bigbadron's small and insignificant shadow, GoS's favorite activity (after fellatio) is sitting upon his undeserved throne of modship, and proclaiming haughtily to nobody in particular of the many cringeworthy undertakings he has spearheaded to exploit the pseudo-talent of others for his own political gain, and the astonishing amount of admin semen which he has gathered in his short time thusfar on Earth.

The many faces of Canas

• Canas: A washed up, has-been mod. He quits Newgrounds regularly whenever his pussy becomes packed with itchy, itchy sand. Then, he returns again because he has no life, and is a faggot who needs attention and derives sustenance from Wade's cock. He also has been known to edit out inconvenient truths about himself from this ED article while stomping his feet and crying hysterically.
• Transformer: A total faggot who claims to own a gay porn site. He became a moderator by asking on the forums, which the other faggot mods frown upon. Now he is a shitty moderator that is a total EyeLovePoozy wannabe. NO LONGER A MEMBER OF THE CIRCLE JERK COMMITTEE.
• Proteas: The exemplification of the mod stereotype, this backwoods, Tennessee-educated, beer gut-donning, far right-wing moderator on the politics forum has a special propensity for idiocy. Consumed in the oh-so-demanding physical exertions of modhood, he makes a regular point of expressing his exasperation with the community he spends 90% of his life conversing with.

The truth comes out.

• StephanosGnomon: An egotistical, overbearing social outcast/wigger who spent most of his life living in the comfort of suburban New York and roughly only ten minutes on the website itself. Deep in his 20's, he still lives in his parents basement where he constructed a "fort" to ward off outside society. His hobbies involve making famous rapper's mansions out of Lego, and masturbating furiously to pictures of himself with backwards hats. This mod has also been known to PWN the modfaggot known as "himself", regularly. Which ultimately leads to his butthurt ego running and crying to his daddy, just upstairs, while he tries, impotently to defame others via Encylclopedia websites, lol.
• "THE JEWmoke" Quite possibly one of THE most hypocritical moderator on Jewgrounds, after pissy poozy, that is. Supposedly a black person, he takes it upon his black ass to ban anyone who puts the words "Black","Faggot"(smeagol1) "African", "Zulu", and "CHICKEN" in a post, in hopes of bypassing the stereotypical nigger stereotypes and be accepted by the other wigger ass mod

s as a normal banning faggot. Rumored to have started an anti-troll group.

• Everyone else: Who fuckin' cares? lol rofl cocks

Pseudo-Moderators

A few pathetic individuals wish desperately that they were mods, not realizing what lameshits they are for aspiring to reach a bar set so painfully low that their hairless balls dangle from their natural state (sans undergarments), and brush ever-so-lightly across the bar's rusted surface as they move, day-by-day, towards the state of penultimate homosexuality that is their main pursuit in life.

• Jossos: Actually, she's not a mod, but tries desperately hard to become one by sucking them off at every available opportunity.
• igott: A 14 year old faggot who tries to tell users what to do and mods how to do their job, telling the mods to "not scare the new users away", this faggot can usually be seen taking it up the ass by Poozy to become a moderator. Learn to insult. igott is a 4chan lurking, cleansing stoner that enjoys playing Hitler on the blogs so stupidity cannot invade the already fucked up BBS.
• FBIpolux: A French Canadian faggot and the male equivalent of Jossos, the only difference being he will not only suck off mods on command but then about face and take Greek.
• Grammer: A user who is only well-known for his intentional misspelling of grammar, which drives grammar Nazis crazy. He is considered one of the biggest mod-suckers on NG.
• Frank-The-Hedgehog: Just from looking at that guy's username you can say to yourself "Gee, this guy is a faggot, and I sure hope he dies a terrible, terrible death". Similar to DragonsGrief Pounce, this Sonic's bitch wannabe is an anorexic, crossdressing furfag. And did I mention that he was locked in a mental ward?
• cellardoor6: A pro-American troll who regularly hijacks non-political threads by filling each page with Bush-sucking propaganda. This part-Arabic half terrorist Jew who is also a Mormon Nazi regularly types several paragraphs filled with statistics and history lessons all in order to reply to and "own" one single non-American user who says "America sux" jokingly.
• CapnCrunchDaPimp: Post-whoring kike who spams the BBS with unoriginal "HAI GUYZ WUTZ UR FAV METAL BAND/METAL SONG/METAL SONG U LISTEN 2 WHEN WATCHING GHEY PR0N LIEK ME!" topics while seriously lacking in the lulz department. Is also a retard with a lazy eye.
• GOTHCLAWZ: Wannabe goth that trys to hard and fails. Brother of naurtard, kagoe.
• SCTE3: A gay furry who tries to become a mod my sucking any moderator or admin dick he can get his mouth on, he's such a fag that he posts in the Female Users Club, even thouhg he's a guy, and then flames other men whom enter the club. Faggot
• Sawke: A girl that goes on Failgrounds... who knew?
• HotActionYiffFur: A furfag from the midwest. He, Along with Dark6, his gay lover, compose crappy techno music and put them on a site where none of the buttons fucking work. He has the mental maturity of a nine year old.
• Ejit: Brother of Ejit's sister
• Sk8erGirl14: A 40 year old pedophile who poses as a 14 year old piece of Jailbait, "she" can commonly be found sucking JadeTheAssassin's cock in hopes of becoming a mod.
• N-Antichrist: HxC Naruto fag who insists guns should be phased out because 'they're boring'. Retard.
• Gagsy: The fattest of the fatties, who once posted a lulzy glamshot that has now been lost forever, this actually-female, mod-sucker's number of friends on Jewgrounds is inversely proportional to the number she has IRL. Who, anyways, could endure the constant smell of Fritos, Pepsi, feminine juices, and sweat, fermenting for years without exposure to soap on the big-boned body of this admitted britfag?
• Burnzoid: Biggest ass on ng, banned several times from the stickam chat room for indecent exposure.
• InsertFunnyUserName: Another dumb bitch on Jewgrounds, but clearly the picture "she" posted of "herself" is not really of "herself", because we all know not one self respecting, attractive woman would have near 10,000+ posts on Jewgrounds.
• Sectus: This Pathetic Excuse for a human being wishes unbelievably to be a mod, but doesn't have the guts to get it, and at times he gets depressed like a stupid goth and says he'll never make the position, but in newgrounds, any old crack-head can be modded, so wish him luck!
• Twilight: This 13 year old faggot dipshit sucks Gagsy's and mod's cocks daily. Can always be seen sucking any user cocks in an shitty Stickam thread. Total fuckhole. Saying his username isn't from Twilight dispite having to read the book and watching the movie and liking them both.
• Ocean: This 17 year old faggot dipshit sucks everyone in Stickam's and mod's cock daily. He tries to act like he knows every user that goes into stickam and annoys the fuck out of people. He is a bandwagonner faggot, if majority of people don't like you in stickam he will post shitty stuff in your topic.
• Ryan A furfag who is obsessed with his cat,The Third Reich and loves to suck smeagol1's precious cock. He is on xbox live often, he goes by the name of Shadowmeld. (Ryan also takes it up the ass from Minion777.)
• Grub-Xer0 This shady black man has a habit of getting naked in stickam chat when little girls are present. He plays terrible games such has Modern warefare 2. He also has a habit of getting naked with Plotring, thus making themselfs appear to be tranny bitchs.Also bitchs when you mispell his username.
• Plotring* Grub-Xer0's gay lover. He enjoys his time reading cheesy fucking comic books then gets shitty when someone with a life makes fun of them. He has habit of getting naked on Stickam cam when he sees grub's mangina. Thus causing the end of times when everyone has to look at his cottage cheese thighs.

And How, Pray Tell, Might I Become a Mod? [-+]

1. Abandon all hopes of procreation and/or use of the phrase "irl". These will only serve to hinder the slow siphoning of life force from your rectum — A process that all future moderators must undergo before being bestowed the ultimate honor. Your irl is now modship. Your soulmate is now Newgrounds.
2. Refrain from performing actions that might be construed as altruistic, funny, or interesting in any way shape or form. There's nothing interesting about you, you self-possessed ingrate. You live to serve Newgrounds.
3. Perform fellatio on existing mods whenever possible. Geek orgasms are known to produce spurts of goodwill mixed in a colloidal solution with semen during ejaculation. Now you are fully prepared for your tenure as a loyal servant.
4. Drink aforementioned semen solution. While performing this action, post a slew of "witty" emoticons in the hopes of being pegged for modship material.
5. Travel, uninvited, to Newgrounds HQ, located in the unassuming town of Perkasie, Pennsylvania.
6. Enter yourself into the literal circle of sodomy which includes all mods that Newgrounds employs;
7. Fit your folds of perineal flab around the micropenis of the mod to your aft.
8. Place your own micropenis (No girls allowed!) into the crusty, elasticized anus of the mod in front of you.
9. Ejaculate in ecstasy.
10. ????
11. Profit!