Encyclopedia Dramatica:XOTN/Current/AOTN: Difference between revisions
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|title= | |title=[[Brenda Ann Spencer]] | ||
| | |image=BrendaAnnSpencer.jpg | ||
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|expires= | '''Brenda Ann Spencer''' (a.k.a. '''[[Garfield|The Garfield Killer]]''') was an [[edgy]] [[16-year-old]] [[lesbian]] [[ginger]] whose retarded [[alcoholic]] daddy made the [[Retarded|brilliant decision]] to buy her a [[rifle]] for [[Christmas]] despite the fact that he had been [[molesting]] her for years. On [[Web 1.0|Monday, January 29, 1979]], finally fed up with years of [[abuse]] and [[high]] as fuck on a combination of [[PCP]] and [[alcohol]], Brenda decided to take out her brand-spanking-new Ruger and [[Suicide|end her miserable life]] in style. Being too much of a fucking [[pussy]] to just blow a hole in her daddy's head and feeling that it would be too [[heterosexual]] to [[Blowjob|stick the barrel of a gun in her mouth]], Brenda instead decided that she would get the [[police]] to do the job for her. | ||
Seeing as she lived directly across from '''Grover Cleveland Elementary School''' in [[San Diego]], Brenda decided that the fastest way to get the cops to [[Cum|come]] and [[Porsche Girl|blow her brains]] out would be to [[Camping|snipe some squeakers from the comfort of her bedroom]]. Unfortunately, despite managing to kill both the [[Final Boss|school principal]] and [[Mexican|custodian]], Brenda had neglected to factor in the fact that the police in [[California|Commiefornia]] would be [[Pussybitch|too fucking soft]] to shoot a [[16-year-old]] [[white]] [[bitch]] even if she was shooting directly at children and cops. After being arrested and asked why she did it, Brenda responded with the unforgettable phrase "'''[[Garfield|I don't like Mondays.]]'''" | |||
Despite utterly failing to [[Kill yourself|kill herself]] and still being alive to this very day, Brenda Ann Spencer did help make [[school shootings|America's National Pastime]] popular again following a nearly 15 year hiatus since [[Charles Whitman's Tumor]] and 50 years since [[Andrew Kehoe]] invented the sport by [[9/11|blowing up]] a fucking [[Sandy Hook|elementary school]]. Brenda is also notable for being the first woman to participate in [[school shooting]] under [[Title IX]]. | |||
While Brenda's [[high score]] of a mere 2 kills and 9 injuries is [[Lulz|laughably]] [[failure|horrible]], she still managed to beat out [[Encyclopædia Dramatica]]'s very own [[AlGore|William "AlGore" Atchison]] in pretty much every category except [[Suicide|becoming an heroine]]. How's it feel getting your dead freckled arse kicked by a fucking [[16-year-old]] [[girl]], Willie? | |||
<center><big>'''[[Brenda Ann Spencer|(( I don't like Mondays\I wanna shoot, ooh, the whole day down ))]]</big></center> | |||
|link=Brenda Ann Spencer | |||
|date=2026-5-25 | |||
|expires=2026-5-27 | |||
|editor=[[User:The PolishPrince]] | |editor=[[User:The PolishPrince]] | ||
|featured=true | |featured=true | ||
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'''What have I missed? | |||
[[ | |||
'''What have I missed? [[Goth]] was 2 days ago • [[Ebola-chan]] was 4 days ago • [[Scientology Speedrunning]] was 6 days ago | |||
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Latest revision as of 22:01, 24 May 2026
Brenda Ann Spencer (a.k.a. The Garfield Killer) was an edgy 16-year-old lesbian ginger whose retarded alcoholic daddy made the brilliant decision to buy her a rifle for Christmas despite the fact that he had been molesting her for years. On Monday, January 29, 1979, finally fed up with years of abuse and high as fuck on a combination of PCP and alcohol, Brenda decided to take out her brand-spanking-new Ruger and end her miserable life in style. Being too much of a fucking pussy to just blow a hole in her daddy's head and feeling that it would be too heterosexual to stick the barrel of a gun in her mouth, Brenda instead decided that she would get the police to do the job for her.
Seeing as she lived directly across from Grover Cleveland Elementary School in San Diego, Brenda decided that the fastest way to get the cops to come and blow her brains out would be to snipe some squeakers from the comfort of her bedroom. Unfortunately, despite managing to kill both the school principal and custodian, Brenda had neglected to factor in the fact that the police in Commiefornia would be too fucking soft to shoot a 16-year-old white bitch even if she was shooting directly at children and cops. After being arrested and asked why she did it, Brenda responded with the unforgettable phrase "I don't like Mondays."
Despite utterly failing to kill herself and still being alive to this very day, Brenda Ann Spencer did help make America's National Pastime popular again following a nearly 15 year hiatus since Charles Whitman's Tumor and 50 years since Andrew Kehoe invented the sport by blowing up a fucking elementary school. Brenda is also notable for being the first woman to participate in school shooting under Title IX.
While Brenda's high score of a mere 2 kills and 9 injuries is laughably horrible, she still managed to beat out Encyclopædia Dramatica's very own William "AlGore" Atchison in pretty much every category except becoming an heroine. How's it feel getting your dead freckled arse kicked by a fucking 16-year-old girl, Willie?
What have I missed? Goth was 2 days ago • Ebola-chan was 4 days ago • Scientology Speedrunning was 6 days ago