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imported>If: /* Gallery */ Relinking to existing, identical file (Pedobear.jpg → Pedobear_HD.png‎)

2011-10-25T16:27:23Z

Gallery: Relinking to existing, identical file (Pedobear.jpg → Pedobear_HD.png‎)

← Older revision	Revision as of 16:27, 25 October 2011
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imported>If: /* Gallery */ Relinking to existing, identical file (Pedobear.jpg → Pedobear_HD.png‎)

2011-10-25T16:27:23Z

Gallery: Relinking to existing, identical file (Pedobear.jpg → Pedobear_HD.png‎)

← Older revision	Revision as of 16:27, 25 October 2011
(No difference)

imported>If: /* Gallery */ Relinking to existing, identical file (Pedobear.jpg → Pedobear_HD.png‎)

2011-10-25T16:27:23Z

Gallery: Relinking to existing, identical file (Pedobear.jpg → Pedobear_HD.png‎)

New page

[[Image:122-shawn_johnson_amer_cup_07_web.jpg|thumb|You know you'd hit it.]]
'''Shawn Johnson''' is the [[loli]] [[jailbait]] captain of the American woman's gymnastics team. Due to her extreme lack of both height and boobs, she looks like a nine year old girl, despite being seventeen years old, making her the ultimate fap fodder of [[pedophile]]s and [[sick fuck]]s everywhere. Oh yeah, and she has also won one gold medal and three silver medals in 2008's Summer Olympics, thus bringing honor and glory to [[Nazi|the Fatherland]]. However, impressive as this may be, [[noone]] really cares about this; they just want in her <strike>pants</strike> leotard.

==Blueprints==
A good [[b|/b/tard]] found Shawn Johnson's house blueprints and posted them in his awesome [http://www.sgtcaboose.com/shawn_i_love_you/ Shawn Johnson Picture Dump].<br>
[[Image:Shawn_Johnsons_House.png]]

==A Reported Stalker==
There is a mysterious [[stalker]] of Shawn Johnson named ClawofBeta, who plays [[Maplestory]]. [[Surprise]]? I don't think so. That [[game]] attracts [[pedophiles]].

{{quote|Nah, I stalk what she likes to do and crap online.

Like I know her favorite food, where she likes to sit on the bus, her style of typing on the internet, the blueprints for her house, her pets, her school courses, that her grandmother has cancer, she plays Guitar Hero, and other random stuff.

Edit: and rolemodels, that she hates disorganization, favorite TV show, that she dislikes the Internet, the city where she lives, age, height, favorite event, practice time per week, parent's name, birthday, middle name, her crappy APGAR score, favorite songs (freaking Jonas Brothers), stuff she wrote, (ex poems), sponsors, and other random stuff.

-The infamous [[stalker|ClawofBeta]].}}

{{quote|God, I can't believe how much I'm still laughing about this. As most of you know, I stalk Shawn Johnson ONLINE, so I know a lot of things about her. I eventually found an unofficial fansite, so I signed up.

About three weeks later, I got BANNED!

I was like "What the heck?"

So I inquired on another computer. I was apparently IP banned, so yeah. This is what they said

______________________

Administrator: Okay I'm gonna explain this the easiest way I can. If I would have been Shawn. I would have been really creeped out by what he was saying about like

Administrator: "Oh If Shawn ever came 500 feet from me " and like other stuff and bragging to being the biggest stalker. I just thought it had to stop because

Administrator: I';d be realy creeped out about it

__________________________________

And then I got IP banned from that computer too.

I'm still chuckling because I got banned from FANSITE from stalking Shawn Johnson too much.}}

He's hardcore. He probably knows more about her than she does.

== Shawn's Blog ==
For publicity's sake, Shawn decided to make a nice little blog where people can either:

#Make very boring comments about how great she is at gymnastics;
#Spam comments in foreign languages she ''definitely'' hasn't studied; or
#Hit on her.

Wisely, she has not replied even once to the comments she has received. However, this hasn't stopped the slobbering legions of sick fucks from [[Emo|pouring out their hearts and souls]] to a young girl who [[You don't have any friends|couldn't be more disinterested]]. Some typical comments on her blog include:

[[Image:Pedobear peeking.png|right|loli?]]
{{quote|Well Regaurdless to if u reply to people or when u’ll be on next heres my email and cell just in case
jimlag28@yahoo.com
and
(805)-878-0891
if u texted me that would be pretty dang cool but idk haha when i was worrying about how u guys would do on the floor and i saw u go on i thought o Shawn will do really good before u even did it and when u were on those bars i was really entertained those are so cool it looks like u guys were gonna fall off every time but then its even cooler when u didnt and topped that with a flip wow its crazy good job in prelims and good luck in the Semi Finals if thats wats next i think it is haha i’ll probly say other things but this is the one i hope u read but ofcorse u dont hav to email me or something or txt if u can AND want to
L8r
-Jim Lagattuta|Jim, [[stalker|leaving his 200th comment on her blog]].}}

[[Image:Fat_kid.jpg|thumb|I may not be the most handsome guy but I have a sense of humor and a great personality.]]
{{quote|shawn
im may be 12, but there are bigger dating differences. Im not being rude but we could work out. Call me im a really nice guy. you are the most beautiful thing in the world. Call me 859-338-5945
P.S. i may not be the most handsome guy but i have a sense of humor and a great personality. P.S.S. your smile is so beautiful and your eyes are extremely beautiful also -brian|[[Unrealistic expectations]], amirite?}}

{{quote|I'd let her shawn my johnson|Some /b/tard}}

A Complete Idiot-

There's this kid, michaelnash, that started a political humor blog on The Des Moines Register in a vain, as well as stupid, attempt to get Shawn's attention. Shawn is a 16-year-old girl and does not read The Des Moines Register. Shortly after the conclusion of the Olympics, he started writing fake polls about the presidential election under the title: "TODAY'S INSTAPOLL." Everything he wrote that was not about politics was about Shawn. This went on day after day and week after week, until he eventually found out that Shawn has her own blog (It's called Google, you dumbass.) Then he started making comments on her blog -but not without first deleting any mention of Shawn in the Register- unwittingly making his motives extremely transparent. Now, he posts comments on Shawn's blog almost on a daily basis, thereby making a complete jackass of himself. Apparently, michaelnash lacks the balls to outright stalk Shawn -but only by a small margin.

== Shawn's Future ==
As she has won three Olympic medals and also happens to be [[Fugly|hawt]], you can be sure that our [[idiot|lovable]] President will invite her to the White House for a banquet and pose for a picture with her in order to pretend that he actually gives two shits about something other than his next bucket of KFC and 40 of Olde English.

Also, you can expect her to be featured on numerous irritating advertisements, promoting crappy products, until she turns 18, at which point the American media will shift it's focus to the next pre-pubescent, up-and-coming underage female gymnast so that viewers can have something to fap to again. After this happens, she will be suddenly completely ignored, at which point she will either make another Olympic appearance and start the cycle all over again, fade gracefully from public view, or become the next Jamie Lynn Spears and get knocked up by someone named Cletus from Mississippi and thereby guarantee that the media will never shut the fuck up about her.

==It makes my taco POP!==
Given that Shawn was in the [[Britney Spears|center of the media spotlight]] for so long and [[Billy Mays|featured on just about every product conceivable]], it was only a matter of time until something [[Politically incorrect|questionable]] came up. Just such a blessing came in the form of an unintentionally hilarious, oddly [[Hawt|erotic]] ''Ortega'' [[Tacos|taco]] commercial. To the imaginative [[pedo]], the mere combination of a teenage gymnast and a "[[Cunt|taco]]" commercial is enough to spark many shitty [[amirite|double entendres]] and perverse jokes. But thankfully, ''Ortega'' did everyone a favor by eliminating the middle man and penning some of the most poorly written, blatantly sexual dialogue that you can get away with on television without the [[censorship|FCC]] questioning your [[Assume good faith|intentions]]. To the [[NORP|casual viewer]], the commercial is nothing more than an ultra-corny food commercial with terrible acting trying to cash in on the popularity of the [[LOLympic Games|Olympics]]. But to the more [[pervert]]ed viewer (of which there is no shortage on the [[internets]]), a goldmine of [[lulz]] was to be mined from the ad.

The ad starts out harmless enough, with that annoying voiceover guy asking what three Olympic gymnasts could possibly have in common. Could it be that they're all gymnasts? Or perhaps that they're all Olympians? [[No|OF COURSE NOT!]] THEY ALL LOVE ORTEGA TACOS! Anyway, Shawn Johnson shows up on screen and immediately proclaims "My [[cunt|taco]]'s [[THE BEST|the best]]!" While this in itself is pretty damn funny, it gets much better. Just in case you haven't [[I CAME|creamed your pants]] by this point, Shawn then proceeds to add some taco [[sauce]] to her taco and exclaims, "I love Ortega's [[Cum|taco sauce]]. It makes my taco POP!" Then the [[Tfo#Tfo and the Twingayincestfuck|two twin guys]] say something, but nobody really notices them at this point, since [[ALL CAPS|SHAWN JOHNSON JUST USED THE PHRASE "MAKES MY TACO POP!"]] While it is a distinct possibility that the writers of the ad are all retarded, a more likely scenario is that at least 1 of them is simply a clever [[troll]]. Honestly, it would be hard to come up with something more sexually suggestive than "popping tacos." And to cover up the sexual theme of the ad, the writer must have intentionally made it incredibly cheesy so that people would be distracted from the blatant innuendo. [[ED]] salutes this man (you know it was a guy) for his brave [[troll]]ery. Anyway, words can only go so far, so here's the ad from [[YouTube]].

<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" align="center" style="border: 1px solid black;"><tr><td align="right"><youtube>Ms5d9RN0WzY</youtube><br />[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms5d9RN0WzY Boys... always competing!]</td></tr></table>

===Sup /b/===
Naturally, it didn't take long for the forces that [[b|/b/]] to find the ad on their quest to find [[fap]]ping material of Shawn Johnson. On August 28th, a [[Epic thread|thread]] was made when a /b/tard found the ad and shared it with his /b/rothers. The [[4chan]]ners were amazed by the discovery of the commercial and may have been the original source of the awareness of the ad's seckshuality. [[Anonymous]] was delighted to declare that popping tacos [[INAM|was now a meme]] and many [[Photoshop|shoops]] followed. Among these were about 50 [[demotivators]] and several pics of Shawn Johnson's head photoshopped onto [[Dave Grohl]]'s body with the text "MY TACO'S THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST..."

<center><big>'''Some select pics from the thread'''</big>
<gallery>
Image:Taco Pop.jpg
Image:Tacopops.jpg
Image:Shawn Johnson Dave Grohl.jpg|MY TACO'S THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST
Image:Shawn Johnson sauce taco pop.jpg
Image:Shawn Johnson Taco BEST.jpg
Image:Shawn Johnson so i herd.jpg
Image:Shawn Johnson Taco Demotivator 1.jpg
Image:Shawn Johnson Taco Demotivator 2.jpg
Image:Shawn Johnson Taco Demotivator 3.jpg
Image:Shawn Johnson Taco Demotivator 4.jpg
</gallery></center>

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
Image:FatComputer.jpg|Typical Shawn Johnson fan.
Image:I_fuck_on_the_first_date.jpg|Shawn, seriously, we could work out. I love you beyond words.
Image:Pedobear_HD.png‎|Can it be lolis tiem now?
Image:Shawn Johnson Bikini.jpg|Yum
Image:Shawndick.jpg|A true American hero and patriot
Image:Shawn_dewey_johnson.jpg|Malcolm makes my Taco POP
Image:Shawndewey.JPG|Wake up faggot.
</gallery></center>

== See Also: ==
*[[Olympics]]
*[[Loli]]
*[[Jailbait]]
*[[Chris Hansen]]
*[[Pedobear]]
*[[Party van]]

{{Olympics}}

{{4chanarchive|82558274|It makes my taco pop!}}

[[Category:People|Johnson, Shawn]]

Shawn Johnson - Revision history

imported>If: /* Gallery */ Relinking to existing, identical file (Pedobear.jpg → Pedobear_HD.png‎)

imported>If: /* Gallery */ Relinking to existing, identical file (Pedobear.jpg → Pedobear_HD.png‎)

imported>If: /* Gallery */ Relinking to existing, identical file (Pedobear.jpg → Pedobear_HD.png‎)

imported>If: /* Gallery */ Relinking to existing, identical file (Pedobear.jpg → Pedobear_HD.png‎)