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</table>imported>SheepBothttps://edramatica.com/index.php?title=P90X&diff=234214&oldid=previmported>SheepBot: teaching bitches how to swim2014-02-11T07:12:50Z<p>teaching bitches how to swim</p>
<p><b>New page</b></p><div>[[File:P90xlogo.gif|center|P90X!]]<br />
<center>'''Get Absolutely Ripped off in Just 90 Days'''</center><br />
[[File:P90xgym.jpg|thumb|All you need. But wait, there's more!]]<br />
[[File:P90x_pullup_bar.jpg|thumb|This is pro shit.]]<br />
[[File:P90xkirstie.gif|thumb|Look what it did for [[Kirstie Alley|her]].]]<br />
[[File:P90xcrowe.gif|thumb|[[Australia]] does P90X.]]<br />
[[File:P90xoprah.gif|thumb|Even [[Oprah]] swears by it.]]<br />
<br />
'''P90X''' or ''Power 90 Extreme'', is an [[EXTREME ADVERTISING|EXTREME TRAINING SYSTEM]] that will transform your scrawny [[basement-dweller|basement-dwelling]] frame from a pasty, blob-like mess into a chiseled, hot, pussy-magnet in just ninety days (that's three months, you [[retard]]). It's designed to work with the equipment you've already got laying around the house (that you already don't use), so that you don't have to buy anything beyond the DVDs. [[No|Sweet, right?]]<br />
<br />
'''TL;DR:'''<br />
<br />
''Yes, 18-year-old, you do have potential.''<br />
<br />
<center><youtube>L2I4od5O94Q</youtube><br>[[Billy Mays]] here in [[infomercial]] heaven.</center><br />
__TOC__<br />
<br />
==The Program==<br />
''Here’s what you get with P90X:''<br />
For the low cost of just $120 you'll receive the following DVDs (or you could always just [[bittorrent|download them for free]]).<br />
<br />
01 '''Chest & Back''' You may recognize these as pull-ups and push-ups. Not surprisingly, [[you]] still can't do more than one.<br />
<br />
02 '''Plyometrics''' Jump around like a [[fucktard]] for 45 minutes. [[Your mom]] calls this pilates.<br />
<br />
03 '''Shoulders & Arms''' As frequent [[masturbation]] has taken care of these muscle groups, you can skip this disc.<br />
<br />
04 '''Yoga X''' It's fucking yoga. There's no such thing as extreme yoga. Get over yourself.<br />
<br />
05 '''Legs & Back''' [[Anal|Squat, lunge, and pull]] in a total-body workout like no other.<br />
<br />
06 '''Kenpo X''' Remember Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers? That.<br />
<br />
07 '''X Stretch''' Was originally named Yoga X part 2. <br />
<br />
08 '''Core Synergistics''' Fancy words for [[ALL CAPS|MORE PULL-UPS]].<br />
<br />
09 '''Chest, Shoulders & Triceps''' Now you can really get some mileage [[USI|out of your mirror]]. Sexy is sexy.<br />
<br />
10 '''Back & Biceps''' You'll make those faggots on [[teh internets]] real [[dickneck|jellyous]].<br />
<br />
11 '''Cardio X''' [[X is now a meme|Running in place is now Cardio X]].<br />
<br />
12 '''Ab Ripper X''' Drink an incredible six-pack and improve your [[Mill Park Tree|driving performance]].<br />
<br />
Plus, get these informative tools:<br />
<br />
* 3-Phase Nutrition Plan. Phase 1, stop eating like a fucking pig. Phase 2, stop eating prepackaged bullshit. Phase 3, repeat.<br />
* P90X Fitness Guide. Since 12 DVDs didn't get it through to you, maybe an 8-page fitness guide will.<br />
* How to Bring It Video. [[Redundant|Get a quick video overview of the videos on the DVD]].<br />
<br />
And get these tools to keep you motivated:<br />
* P90X Calendar. [[Shota|Tons of hawt guys]] showing off their ripped abs just for your inspiration.<br />
* Online Support. You'll have access to [[guido|Tony]] and other fitness experts, and peer support from your fellow P90Xers.<br />
<br />
Aside from the 12 DVDs, the nutrition plan, the fitness guide and the [[Sup dawg|video recap of the video recaps]], you'll need some extra equipment. These include a pull-up bar, a fan, 10-15 lb weights (or some big-ass rubber bands for you real roughnecks), some jack-off gloves, a pair of shoes, a yoga mat, and a Chinese plastic chair from Walmart. If you couldn't tell by this point, this is [[419|one professional setup]].<br />
<br />
Also available (direct from P90X, no less) are these fine products:<br />
*[http://www.extremebodyworkout.com/p90x-products/chin-up-bar.php P90X Pull Up Bar] - $60, especially formulated for fatties. <br />
*[http://www.extremebodyworkout.com/p90x-products/push-up-stands.php Push Up Stands] just $25, but you're a pro. <br />
*[http://www.extremebodyworkout.com/p90x-products/power-stands-push-up-bars.php Push Up Stand PRO] and pro's pay $40.<br />
*[http://www.extremebodyworkout.com/p90x-products/resistance-bands-complete.php Resistance bands] a mere $120.<br />
* [http://www.extremebodyworkout.com/p90x-products/p90x-yoga-monster-mat.php Yoga Monster Mat] - a mere $35 for a piece of foam. Don't balk.<br />
*[http://www.extremebodyworkout.com/p90x-products/plyo-yoga-mat.php Manduka Plyo / Yoga Mat] is $90.<br />
*[http://www.extremebodyworkout.com/p90x-products/p90x-yoga-blocks.php P90X® Yoga Blocks] just $30.<br />
<br />
*[http://www.extremebodyworkout.com/p90x-products/mens-black-p90x-tshirt.php T-shirt] for just $25. The best part of P90X isn't doing it, but showing everyone [[IRL]] that I did.<br />
* [[beer|P90X Recovery Drink]] - because there are special magicks that you can't get in juice. Comes in two formulas.<br />
:*[http://www.extremebodyworkout.com/p90x-products/p90x-peak-health-formula.php Peak Health] $130 for the 90-day supply.<br />
:*[http://www.extremebodyworkout.com/p90x-products/p90x-peak-recovery-formula.php Peak Recovery] $130 for the 90-day supply.<br />
*[http://www.extremebodyworkout.com/p90x-products/p90x-peak-performance-bars.php Protein bars!] Just $25 for 12.<br />
* P90X Plus - send [[moar|more]] [[jewgolds|money]] and we'll make it even MORE INTENSE or something.<br />
<br />
But wait... you don't '''''have''''' to buy any extra equipment. We do, however [http://www.extremebodyworkout.com/blog/2008/09/10/is-the-p90x-pull-up-bar-necessary/#comments recommend that you do.] Not to worry, though, that you don't have an extra thousand dollars laying about - just join up once you've finished the program and become a trainer! It's not only the best workout system [[evar]], it's [http://www.earncashwithinfomercials.com/ a job opportunity]. That's right, fattie! You can [[lie|make money while you work out]]. Just try us!<br />
<br />
<center><br />
{{morphquote|mqtest3|background-color:white;|font-weight: bold;|<br />
This program is not a good starting point for ANYONE|pinkdumbells.com|p90x sucks you are all gay and weak|askmen.com forum post|I have been doing P90x for 2 years, as well as, other Tony Horton dvds. I really like it and it has helped me lose 25 lbs!|so much for 90 days}}<br />
</center><br />
<br />
==Videos==<br />
[http://www.youtube.com/user/TeamBeachbodySucks This guy] admits they're a scam.<br />
<center>{{fv|starvids|background-color: blue;|font-weight: bold;|<youtube>AQ2MJhLiGJ4</youtube>|<youtube>NW9eUeHnURw</youtube>|<youtube>5PBQ2S5eDZA</youtube>|<center><youtube>tQIA1RNMdF4</youtube></center>}}<br />
<br>[[tl;dr]] It's a Ponzi scheme. Get out early and you're fine.</center><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
[http://www.youtube.com/user/dude04345 This dude] is all over it - fired the fuck up and swallowed it hook, line and sinker. Now he's ready to [[Arnold Schwarzenegger|PUMP YOU UP]]! Take notice of the exotic (patent-pending) exercises such as the push-up.<br />
<br />
<center><br />
{{fv|pushvids|background-color: red;|font-weight: bold;|<youtube>UM8Ql5AwAdY</youtube>|<youtube>Wq-tkzmin0o</youtube>|<youtube>pt4rd9BEF48</youtube>|<youtube>sn6tsxtfuxs</youtube>|<youtube>R2tu3HTtGRw</youtube>|<youtube>TgaNZQlatqs</youtube>}}<br><br />
HOLY SHIT. PUSHUPS.<br />
<youtube>TqB1NvdLtE4</youtube><br>Muscle confusion? Moar liek journalistic confusion. Is this an ad or the news?</center><br />
<br />
==Forums==<br />
[http://teambeachbody.com/connect The official forums], fun to be had by all. Well, some.<br />
<br />
Most other groups focused on health and working out see P90X as [[the cancer that is killing b|the cancer that is killing fitness]] and as such can be properly trolled with it. [http://www.ironmagazineforums.com Iron Magazine] (must be a bitch to ship those) has very friendly forums. Drop in and tell them how great P90X has been to you and how everyone should drop $1000 on it straight away.<br />
<br />
==See Also==<br />
*[[Bodybuilder]]<br />
*[[Fit]]<br />
*[[Jock]]<br />
*[[I'm 18, do i have potential??]]<br />
*[[HACKERS ON STEROIDS]]<br />
<br />
==External Links==<br />
*[http://www.beachbody.com/p90x/p90xdotcom Official site]<br />
*[http://tonyhorton.blogspot.com/ Blog more]. P90X creator's blogspot page.<br />
*[http://twitter.com/Tony_Horton Twatter]<br />
*[http://teambeachbodysucks.wordpress.com/ Slight criticism] by an [[butthurt|ex-employee]].<br />
*[http://www.trustlink.org/BusinessProfile.aspx?ID=205976802 The Better Business Bureau] has some funny comments.<br />
<br />
[[Category:IRL Shit]]{{Sites}}</div>imported>SheepBot