Minneapolis Bridge Collapse - Revision history

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2016-06-18T16:56:11Z

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2015-07-23T05:20:18Z

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imported>DekoMan91 at 23:54, 30 March 2012

2012-03-30T23:54:23Z

imported>DekoMan91 at 23:54, 30 March 2012

2012-03-30T23:54:23Z

imported>DekoMan91 at 23:54, 30 March 2012

2012-03-30T23:54:23Z

imported>DekoMan91 at 23:54, 30 March 2012

2012-03-30T23:54:23Z

imported>Unknown: Created page with " NOEDITSECTION
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2011-04-16T09:11:53Z

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<center><big>'''NEVAR FORGET 35W'''</big></center>
[[Image:Minn.jpg|frame|THANK FUCKING GOD THIS HAPPENED]]
[[Image:Pigeonscausecollapse.jpg|thumb|Jews blame 35W on PIGEONS!]]
[[Image:bridge.jpg|thumb|Has anyone noticed it kinda looks like a [[penis]]]]
[[Image:Hwy35wtc.jpg|thumb|Rescuers continue their search for victims]]
[[Image:WTC_people.jpg|thumb|People were trapped in the chaotic wreckage of 35W]]
[[Image:Bridgecollapse.gif|thumb|Now in gif format!]]
[[Image:Funkybridge.jpg|thumb|It looked pretty bad even BEFORE it collapsed]]
[[Image:GoogledBridge.png|thumb|Google always stays up to date.]]
[[Image:Bridge_of_mississippi.jpg|thumb|The newly introduced Minneapolis [[Super Smash Bros Brawl]] stage]]
[[Image:Poopopulations.JPG|thumb|Coincidence? I think not]]
[[Image:Kosherminn.JPG|thumb|Draw your conclusions from this...]]
[[Image:Robotnikbridge.png|thumb|True bridge culprit?]]
[[Image:Bridgerule34.gif|thumb|Officials have stated cause of collapse was a lack of [[rule 34]].]]
[[Image:Tomica.JPG|thumb|An official picture of Minneapolis officials rescuing automobile wreckage and survivors]]

[[Image:Nom bridge.jpg]]

[[Last Thursday|A few months ago]], Voldemort and maybe God , tired of non-believers, attempted to punish the unholy fags and muggles of San Francisco by ''melting a fucking section of freeway to the ground'', but sadly failed to actually kill any deserving cunts, or, for that matter, anyone at all. [[Butthurt]] after being mocked for his ongoing failure by a mob of faggots, [[ATHF|Christ Himself]] descended to Minneapolis, and did cause a major freeway artery to collapse on August 1st, 2007 around 7:10 p.m. EST. [[Fox News]] immediately declared that it was a terrorist attack.

During rush hour traffic, as the highway fell into the Mississippi, [[Americans|'Murricunts]] cried a [[tubgirl|fucking river]] while they ran around screaming terror Terror TERROR '''''TERROR'''''. It also caused the worst case of mass-whiplash in recorded history. What a '''[[President Barack Hussein Obama|TRAGIC DAY FOR PLANET EARTH]]'''. OH THE HUMANITY!!! [[IDIFTL|WHY DOES GOD LET SUCH TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?]]
Disappointingly, the Minneapolis [[mod|police]] will only confirm that eleven people have been [[pwned|squished to death or suffocated in the vile Mississippi goo]], while two (one of the "missing" showed up at work today) people are [[AFK|unaccounted for]]. The Minnesota [[Olsen Twins|Twins]] [[faggotry|baseball game]] went ahead as scheduled, much to the delight of their roughly [[300]] fucktarded [[retards|fans]].

The bridge was ruled structurally deficient [[at least 100 years ago|in 1990]], but it is believed that it held up due to 17 years of snowpack. A heat wave eliminated the last of the snow, sending the bridge to its demise and Al Gore straight to his [[hugbox]] to wail about [[shit nobody cares about|global warming]].

In honor of the dead, the bridge has been renamed [[Ted Stevens|"The Ted Stevens Memorial Bridge to Nowhere"]].

Recent conspiracy theories of the idea that the bridge never crashed and that it was a covert local cover-up to make the bridge invisible is spreading around the internets. With little proof that the bridge is now invisible and not collapsed , more research is needed to prove that "they" wanted invisible bridges all along because THE GOVERNMENT HATES US.

==[[Old media|Coverage]]==

Currently every [[Fox News|news channel]] in America is devoting SOME coverage to this [[shit nobody cares about|horrible tragedy]]. After all, [[OMG|FIVE FUCKING PEOPLE DIED!]] and the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD revolves around America's daily business. Such a [[SFB|TRAGEDY]], of course, requires the world to stop revolving and look at 30 crappy American cars floating down a [[white trash|hick]] city's [[anus|dirty-ass]] river..

Sixty children, ages four to [[over 9000]], were riding a school bus that was on the bridge at the time of the collapse, returning from a weekly field trip to a [[pool's closed|water park]]. The bus made it most of the way across the bridge before the roadway collapsed underneath the vehicle.[http://www.fox19.com/Global/story.asp?S=6874448] Reports indicate that all children on the bus escaped safely[http://www.startribune.com/10204/story/1339495.html]-- but still, isn't that fucking HORRIFYING?!! '''Children could have [[almost raped|almost died]]!!!11''' [but they didn't]. This school bus incident was not included and blown out of proportion just to scare you, no srsly. But it does reinforce the old joke: <i>What's black, yellow and really funny? A school bus full of niggers driving off a bridge.</i>

Out of [[SFB|respect]], all the world's problems have been fixed including the [[Iraq|Iraq War]] being put on hold by all Arab. [[Russia]] is not going to steal all the oil and other goodies from '''"their"''' freshly claimed land (the [http://www.guardian.co.uk/frontpage/story/0,,2140927,00.html North Pole]) until the [[last Thursday|mourning period]] is over, and the Chinese economy has stopped the march to its eventual [[pwn]]ership of America for the glory of [[Capitalist]] [[Communist|Maoism]] dead in its tracks, though ([http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/retail/2007-08-03-fisher-price-toys-recall-list_N.htm?csp=34 they've thoughtfully sent us lead paint-covered Tickle Me Elmo dolls]) in our time of grief. Meanwhile, [http://english.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/5F5DA467-55A0-4E3F-AAF7-FD3CC835B94C.htm in Africa...] over [[9000]] niggers died in a train wreck.

Meanwhile, pedophile transsexual sperm bank Nancy Grace will be conducting a special on how the Duke lacrosse team did 35W.

Also according to the media, every bridge in the United States will fall tomorrow.

==The Internet Reaction==

The internet reaction was swift, as people not currently covered in rubble or suffocating in the mud of the Mississippi realized the inherent [[lulz|corruption of lol]] in the situation, and appropriately and promptly, began shopping the overused 4 photos of the now-deceased bridge. Posting them in various forums and chatrooms followed, in hopes that [[INTERNET HATE MACHINE|others]] would join in laughter rather than tears.

==Ludicrous Theories==

Certain segments of the population, rather than learning the obvious lesson of WORSHIP CHRIST OR HE WILL FUCKING KILL YOU, have chosen to believe various untruths and lies.

===Pre-Existing Structural Problems===

The [[Hulk Hogan|Governor of Minnesota]], in his infinite wisdom, recently vetoed a bill which would have provided additional funding to repair bridges and freeways, which are a fucking mess in Minnesota because it fucking snows bricks and knives every winter and erodes the structural integrity of the roads. However, the people of Minnesota are so fucking stupid that they would prefer to fail at preventing disasters, and elect dumbshits like Jesse Ventura and Tim Pawlenty to the highest elected position in the state.

===Jews===

It turns out that right before the bridge collapsed, it was undergoing resurfacing, in order to once again keep the residents of Minneapolis from noticing that the bridge was GOING TO FUCKING FAIL.

After the bridge collapsed, one of the construction workers, a Jew, was unaccounted for. Naturally, this has aroused grave suspicion among [[eppigy|noted scholars,]] who note the underlying similarities between this situation and the absence of four thousand Jews at their jobs on the morning of 9/11.

===George "Fuck You" Bush===

Another possibility is that [[IRC|#America chanop]] George W. Bush, with his [[Alberto Gonzales|administration]] under multiple investigations and with a disapproval rating approximating the percentage of people who believe the moon landing was faked, decided to [[banhammer|have the bridge destroyed]] in order to take all the attention off the the sheer ineptitude of his administration.

He set the wheels in motion by delegating the maintenance of all of Minnesota to ex-FEMA director Mike "Heckuvajob" black person, and quite naturally everything else took [[Katrina|care of itself.]] In support of this theory, the Department of Homeland Security [[bullshit|stated]] that terrorism was not the cause of the collapse, which of course means a) it was, and b) they're covering it up.

===[[ATHF Terrorist Attack|Domestic Terrorists]]===

[[Some argue|Some have claimed]] that a band of [[Anonymous|domestic terrorists]] is responsible for the collapse. Over the course of [[Last Thursday|several months]], the terrorists are claimed to have been slowly chiseling away at the base of the bridge until it eventually collapsed. Their motivation is unclear, but it's believed that the terrorists mean to incite [[lulz|mass panic and hysteria]] among the [[redneck|American populace]]. The FBI is hard at work locating the [[Ebaumsworld|Secret hideout]] of the evildoers and bringing them to justice.

Sum say it was Anonymous, who did it for the lulz. Take that Fox News!

===Furries did 35W===
[[Butthurt]] [[furries]], disappointed that [[Fox News|Faux News]] didn't immediately [[partyvan]] all the /b/tards who raided their DA accounts last Thursday, decided to take matters into their own hands. As it is [[common knowledge]] that trolls live under bridges, the solution to the trolling problem was clear: the furries must blow up all the bridges in America, finally ridding the country of trolls. Plans to blow up dams are also in order, as these would surely wash away whatever trolls managed to survive, and would also create a suitable playground for [[inflatablewolfi|inflatafurs]] to yiff in harmony.

===Airlines Did 35W===
Faced with the massive lulz of pending bankruptcy, airline executives (who formerly enjoyed raping American taxpayers with fares and money from Congress ([[over 9000]] USD per capita)) decided to promote the lie that flying is safer than driving. This plan was drafted by [[Jews]] who, through their accounting, had audited all of the bridges in the USA. This plan has been in the books since [[last Thursday]].

===[[Rap|Ludacris Theory]]===
Well, he's black. What else do you need?

===Magneto Theory===
Charles always wanted to build unstable bridges in [[Minnesota]].

===Pigeon Theory===

This just in from [[MSN|msnbc]]: [http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20439533/site/newsweek/?GT1=10252 PIGEONS DID 35W]

==Gallery==
{{cg|HOW DOES I MADE GALLERY?|minneapolisbridgecollapsegallery|center|<gallery>
<gallery>
Image:Longbridge.jpg|How city officials plan to replace the bridge.
Image:Sovminn.jpg
Image:Minneapolis_nigras_did.jpg|We all know who did it
Image:Hulk_owning_bridge.jpg
Image:IRL fail bridge.jpg
Image:Foxbridge.JPG|Is Fox News to blame?
Image:Omnom bridge.png
Image:SEAKING bridge.jpg
Image:Godzilla bridge.gif
Image:Barrel roll bridge.gif
Image:Hulk hogan bridge.gif
Image:Aidsbridge.jpg
Image:Nigger bridge.jpg
Image:Midas bridge.jpg
Image:Communitychestbridge.jpg
Image:JEDI BRIDGE TRICK.gif
</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:Xboxbridge.jpg
Image:Voldemortbridge.jpg
Image:Bridgeiswrong.jpg
Image:Simulatedfailbridge.gif
Image:Cheapbridge.gif
Image:Failbridge.jpg
Image:Mississippi urkel.jpg
Image:Mississippi urkel2.jpg
image:Moorebridge.jpg
Image:HowDoIBridge.JPG
Image:Bridgefail.jpg
Image:Bridgeydiw.jpg
Image:Engineering.jpg
Image:Jews_did_bridge.jpg
Image:minneapolis_motivator.jpg
Image:Epiclulz.JPG
Image:John locke bridge.JPG|[[John Locke]] even pwns bridges!
Image:Ron paul bridge.jpg|[[Some argue|Some say]] Ron Paul did it for the lulz.
Image:Idhitthat.JPG
Image:Dukebridge.jpg|Someday the bridge might get 'em, but the law never will.
Image:35w-Funding.jpg|This is what happens when you don't listen to the transportation planner.
Image:Minneapolis_electabuzz.jpg|Can someone use Pokeball, please?
Image:Minneapolis seaking.jpg|Seaking did it for the lulz
Image:Failbridgefuckingcat.jpg|That fucking cat
Image:Seaking bridge.gif|Fed up with Mudkips' attention whoring, Seaking uses splash attack.
Image:Minneapolis-Troll-Bridge-Collapse-Homelessness-is-a-bitch.jpg|The Minneapolis I-35 bridge troll faces the uncertainty of homelessness.
Image:Donkey_Kong.jpg|Level 1
</gallery>
|}}

== See Also ==
[[George Bush doesn't care about black people|Hurricane Katrina]]
[[World War II]]
[[The Holocaust]]
[[Tsunami]]
[[Genocide]]
[[Serial killer]]s
[[Rape]]
[[Sodomy|Gay Marriage]]
[[Abortion]]
[[Apocalypse]]
[[ATHF Terrorist Attack]]
[[9/11]]
[[emoticon|''';;''']]
[[Vagina|My ass]]

==External Links==

*[http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Depression/story?id=3441436&page=1 Positively hilarious ABC story warning that you may experience TEH BRIDGE PHOBIA.]

{{Timeline|Featured article August 2, [[2007]]|[[Krystal Can't Enjoy Her Sandwich]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[XxPrincessPunkxx]]}}
[[Category:2007]]
[[Category:Events]]