John Major - Revision history

imported>Sickpuppy: /* See also */ -red link

2014-04-19T17:24:37Z

See also: -red link

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:24, 19 April 2014
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imported>Sickpuppy: /* See also */ -red link

2014-04-19T17:24:37Z

See also: -red link

← Older revision	Revision as of 17:24, 19 April 2014
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imported>Sickpuppy: /* See also */ -red link

2014-04-19T17:24:37Z

See also: -red link

← Older revision	Revision as of 17:24, 19 April 2014
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imported>Sickpuppy: /* See also */ -red link

2014-04-19T17:24:37Z

See also: -red link

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:24, 19 April 2014
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	==See also==		==See also==

	* [[The Downing Street Affair]]
	* [[David Cameron]]		* [[David Cameron]]
	* [[Tony Blair\|Tory B Liar]]		* [[Tony Blair\|Tory B Liar]]

imported>Cleveland Bay II - Return Of Cleveland Bay: /* Family man Major */

2014-03-12T14:28:32Z

Family man Major

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:28, 12 March 2014
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	==Family man Major==		==Family man Major==
			[[File:B2B Official Album(HQ).jpg\|thumb\|right\|Johnboy's moral crusade.]]
	[[File:major_and_thatcher.jpg\|200px\|thumb\|right\|Major's ten-foot penis brought pleasure to Thatcher]]		[[File:major_and_thatcher.jpg\|200px\|thumb\|right\|Major's ten-foot penis brought pleasure to Thatcher]]

	Major's major mistake as PM was to launch [http://www.theguardian.com/politics/1993/oct/09/conservatives.past a moral crusade called "Back to Basics"], trying to revive a sort of daydream version of 1950s family values.		Major's major mistake as PM was to launch [http://www.theguardian.com/politics/1993/oct/09/conservatives.past a moral crusade called "Back to Basics"], trying to revive a sort of daydream version of 1950s family values.
	Since being sexually incontinent and compulsively adulterous is a Tory party entry-level qualification, this meant that his government was immediately involved in an endless succession of lurid and hilarious sex-scandals with MPs caught with their pants down left, right and center.		Since being sexually incontinent and compulsively adulterous is a Tory party entry-level qualification, this meant that his government was immediately involved in an endless succession of lurid and hilarious sex-scandals with MPs caught with their pants down left, right and center.

imported>Schnookums at 07:38, 7 March 2014

2014-03-07T07:38:11Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 07:38, 7 March 2014
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	==Corruption==		==Corruption==

	It wasn't all shagging, you know. His party also found time to accept backhanders from Mohamed al-Fayed in return for Parliamentary questions, sell arms to Iraq (despite a formal agreement not to arm either side in the Iran-Iraq war), accept party donations from Slobodan Milosevic (and then try to stay out of the [[Shit no one cares about\|Balkans conflict]]) and cream the [[Jewgold\|profits]] off arms deals with Saudi Arabia. Probably other stuff too, but that's the highlights.		[[File:07032014john major spitting-image.jpg\|200px\|thumb\|right\|Baroness Thatcher and Sir John Major.]]

			It wasn't all shagging, you know.
			His party also found time to accept backhanders from Mohamed al-Fayed in return for Parliamentary questions, sell arms to Iraq (despite a formal agreement not to arm either side in the Iran-Iraq war), accept party donations from Slobodan Milosevic (and then try to stay out of the [[Shit no one cares about\|Balkans conflict]]) and cream the [[Jewgold\|profits]] off arms deals with Saudi Arabia.
			Probably other stuff too, but that's the highlights.

	==[[Shit no one cares about\|Hilarious stupidity]]==		==[[Shit no one cares about\|Hilarious stupidity]]==
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	==The Classless Society==		==The Classless Society==
	[[File:major_and_dave.jpg\|200px\|thumb\|~~left~~\|You OK there, Dave?]]
			[[File:major_and_dave.jpg\|200px\|thumb\|right\|You OK there, Dave?]]

	Major often spoke of his vision of Britain as a [[LOLWUT\|classless society]], and this is the aspect of his Government that [[Hypocrisy\|old Etonian and millionaire]] [[Dave]] wants to resurrect, in order to capture the [[Poor\|"blue-collar"]] vote.		Major often spoke of his vision of Britain as a [[LOLWUT\|classless society]], and this is the aspect of his Government that [[Hypocrisy\|old Etonian and millionaire]] [[Dave]] wants to resurrect, in order to capture the [[Poor\|"blue-collar"]] vote.

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	And of course, Major [[Bullshit\|took his own ideas so seriously]] that after being kicked out on his arse by [[Tony Blair\|Tory B Liar]] he accepted a Knighthood of the Order of the Garter and a Companionship of Honour from the Queen and you can't get much more classless than that, can you?		And of course, Major [[Bullshit\|took his own ideas so seriously]] that after being kicked out on his arse by [[Tony Blair\|Tory B Liar]] he accepted a Knighthood of the Order of the Garter and a Companionship of Honour from the Queen and you can't get much more classless than that, can you?

	==~~Summary~~==		==Gallery==

	~~[[File:majoron.jpg\|200px]]~~

	~~Oh yes~~.		{{frame\|<gallery>
			File:03072014 john major drawing.jpg
			File:majoron.jpg
			File:John Major in Garter procession.jpg
			</gallery>\|border=lightgray\|background=white\|margin=auto}}

	==See also==		==See also==
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	{{politics}}		{{politics}}
			{{britfags}}
	[[Category:People\|Major, John]]		[[Category:People\|Major, John]]

imported>Schnookums at 07:17, 7 March 2014

2014-03-07T07:17:29Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 07:17, 7 March 2014
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	[[File:major_and_currie.jpg\|200px\|thumb\|left\|The raw sexual chemistry just leaps out of the screen, doesn't it?]]		[[File:major_and_currie.jpg\|200px\|thumb\|left\|The raw sexual chemistry just leaps out of the screen, doesn't it?]]

	Possibly the most mirth-inducing event in recent British politics has been the revelation that John "Family Values" Major -- a man so one-dimensional that he disappeared entirely when viewed side-on -- had been putting his horrid little stump of a willy up the vagoo of Thatcher's former Health Minister. This only came out in 2002 when Currie published her diaries, if we had known about it at the time things might have been very different indeed. As it is, Britain was convulsed with lulz for weeks. Expect this story to follow Major (~~[[The Downing Street Affair\|~~and therefore Cameron]]) around like a bad smell for the foreseeable future.		Possibly the most mirth-inducing event in recent British politics has been the revelation that John "Family Values" Major — a man so one-dimensional that he disappeared entirely when viewed side-on — had been putting his horrid little stump of a willy up the vagoo of Thatcher's former Health Minister.
			This only came out in 2002 when Currie published her diaries, if we had known about it at the time things might have been very different indeed.
			As it is, Britain was convulsed with lulz for weeks.
			Expect this story to follow Major (and therefore Cameron) around like a bad smell for the foreseeable future.

	It's worse even than that because while PM, Major successfully sued ''Scallywag'' magazine (run by the late Simon Regan, a maverick ~~demi-god~~ among gutter journalists) over an allegation that Major was knobbing Downing Street caterer Claire Latimer. He wasn't, but since the case hinged on the damage to Major's ~~honourable~~ reputation done by the suggestion of adultery, he might well have lost his lawsuit on a technicality had his cock-in-Currie capers been disclosed at the time.		It's worse even than that because while PM, Major successfully sued ''Scallywag'' magazine (run by the late Simon Regan, a maverick demigod among gutter journalists) over an allegation that Major was knobbing Downing Street caterer Claire Latimer.
			He wasn't, but since the case hinged on the damage to Major's honorable reputation done by the suggestion of adultery, he might well have lost his lawsuit on a technicality had his cock-in-Currie capers been disclosed at the time.

	In a press statement, Major said that he was "ashamed" by the affair and that his wife had forgiven him. Currie responded by saying that "he wasn't ashamed of it at the time and he wanted it to continue." Which makes it even funnier. ~~Oh yes!~~		In a press statement, Major said that he was "ashamed" by the affair and that his wife had forgiven him. Currie responded by saying that "he wasn't ashamed of it at the time and he wanted it to continue."
			Which makes it even funnier.

	==Corruption==		==Corruption==

imported>Schnookums at 06:15, 7 March 2014

2014-03-07T06:15:19Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 06:15, 7 March 2014
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	[[File:major_in_colour.jpg\|300px\|thumb\|right\|John Major (colour photo)]]		[[File:major_in_colour.jpg\|300px\|thumb\|right\|John Major (colour photo)]]

	'''Sir John Major''' is the rancid fish paste filling in the Thatcher-Blair historical sandwich, chiefly remembered (when indeed he is remembered at all) for personifying the phrase "[[epic fail]]," presiding as he did over the most spectacularly self-destructing ~~Government~~ the UK has ever seen ([[100 years ago\|1990-97]]). Oh yes.		'''Sir John Major''' is the rancid fish paste filling in the Thatcher-Blair historical sandwich, chiefly remembered (when indeed he is remembered at all) for personifying the phrase "[[epic fail]]," presiding as he did over the most spectacularly self-destructing government the UK has ever seen ([[100 years ago\|1990-97]]).
			Oh yes.

	Srsly, it went on for so long that it stopped being funny and every time you thought things couldn't get any worse, they did.		Srsly, it went on for so long that it stopped being funny and every time you thought things couldn't get any worse, they did.
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	So why rake up all this boring old shit?		So why rake up all this boring old shit?

	Well, [[David Cameron]]'s ~~Government~~ has [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2567335/Tories-turn-John-Majors-childhood-backstreets-Brixton-shake-image-party-toffs.html?ITO=1490&ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490 decided to bring Major out of mothballed irrelevance] and make him their symbol, beacon and spiritual figurehead.		Well, [[David Cameron]]'s government has [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2567335/Tories-turn-John-Majors-childhood-backstreets-Brixton-shake-image-party-toffs.html?ITO=1490&ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490 decided to bring Major out of mothballed irrelevance] and make him their symbol, beacon and spiritual figurehead.

	[[Self-pwn\|No, really]].		[[Self-pwn\|No, really]].

	==Major revisionism==		==Major revisionism==

	[[File:FAS2.jpg\|100px\|thumb\|left\|Figure A...]]		[[File:FAS2.jpg\|100px\|thumb\|left\|Figure A...]]
	[[File:major_fas.jpg\|100px\|thumb\|right\|... Figure B. Any questions?]]		[[File:major_fas.jpg\|100px\|thumb\|right\|... Figure B. Any questions?]]

	Born in [[Shithole\|Brixton]], London, to a mother who was a failed music-hall artist and a father who was a former circus clown and garden gnome manufacturer, John Major failed to become a ticket inspector on London buses.		Born in [[Shithole\|Brixton]], London, to a mother who was a failed music-hall artist and a father who was a former circus clown and garden gnome manufacturer, John Major failed to become a ticket inspector on London buses.

	He therefore entered politics and became a Conservative ~~councillor~~ for an inner-London borough. Oh yes. He then got elected as ~~an MP~~, ~~got~~ promoted to Thatcher's cabinet (where he was shuffled between posts so he wasn't in any of them long enough to do lasting damage, although he did his best) and -- when the Tory party finally threw the vinegar-titted Hell-witch on the bonfire -- he got elected party leader because his opponents split the anti-Thatcherite party vote and therefore became ~~John Major PM~~.		He therefore entered politics and became a Conservative councilor for an inner-London borough.
			Oh yes.
			He then got elected as a Member of Parliament, then promoted to Thatcher's cabinet (where he was shuffled between posts so he wasn't in any of them long enough to do lasting damage, although he did his best) and — when the Tory party finally threw the vinegar-titted Hell-witch on the bonfire — he got elected party leader because his opponents split the anti-Thatcherite party vote and therefore became Prime Minister.

	==Family man Major==		==Family man Major==

	[[File:major_and_thatcher.jpg\|200px\|thumb\|right\|Major's ten-foot penis brought pleasure to Thatcher]]		[[File:major_and_thatcher.jpg\|200px\|thumb\|right\|Major's ten-foot penis brought pleasure to Thatcher]]
	Major's major mistake as PM was to launch [http://www.theguardian.com/politics/1993/oct/09/conservatives.past a moral crusade called "Back to Basics"], trying to revive a sort of daydream version of 1950s family values. Oh yes. Since being sexually incontinent and compulsively adulterous is a Tory party entry-level qualification, this meant that his Government was immediately involved in an endless succession of lurid and hilarious sex-scandals with MPs caught with their pants down left, right and centre, and the result was that Major looked both a hypocrite and an incompetent. Oh yes.

	No, wait, he ''was'' both a hypocrite and an incompetent, as what we weren't told at the time was ...		Major's major mistake as PM was to launch [http://www.theguardian.com/politics/1993/oct/09/conservatives.past a moral crusade called "Back to Basics"], trying to revive a sort of daydream version of 1950s family values.
			Since being sexually incontinent and compulsively adulterous is a Tory party entry-level qualification, this meant that his government was immediately involved in an endless succession of lurid and hilarious sex-scandals with MPs caught with their pants down left, right and center.
			The result was that Major looked like both a hypocrite and incompetent.

			No, wait, he ''was'' both a hypocrite and an incompetent, as what we weren't told at the time was...

	==HE HAD BEEN SHAGGING EDWINA CURRIE!==		==HE HAD BEEN SHAGGING EDWINA CURRIE!==
	[[File:major_and_currie.jpg\|~~220px~~\|thumb\|left\|The raw sexual chemistry just leaps out of the screen, doesn't it?]]
			[[File:major_and_currie.jpg\|200px\|thumb\|left\|The raw sexual chemistry just leaps out of the screen, doesn't it?]]

	Possibly the most mirth-inducing event in recent British politics has been the revelation that John "Family Values" Major -- a man so one-dimensional that he disappeared entirely when viewed side-on -- had been putting his horrid little stump of a willy up the vagoo of Thatcher's former Health Minister. This only came out in 2002 when Currie published her diaries, if we had known about it at the time things might have been very different indeed. As it is, Britain was convulsed with lulz for weeks. Expect this story to follow Major ([[The Downing Street Affair\|and therefore Cameron]]) around like a bad smell for the foreseeable future.		Possibly the most mirth-inducing event in recent British politics has been the revelation that John "Family Values" Major -- a man so one-dimensional that he disappeared entirely when viewed side-on -- had been putting his horrid little stump of a willy up the vagoo of Thatcher's former Health Minister. This only came out in 2002 when Currie published her diaries, if we had known about it at the time things might have been very different indeed. As it is, Britain was convulsed with lulz for weeks. Expect this story to follow Major ([[The Downing Street Affair\|and therefore Cameron]]) around like a bad smell for the foreseeable future.

imported>Schnookums at 17:42, 6 March 2014

2014-03-06T17:42:46Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:42, 6 March 2014
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	[[File:major_in_colour.jpg\|~~150px~~\|thumb\|right\|John Major (colour photo)]]		[[File:major_in_colour.jpg\|300px\|thumb\|right\|John Major (colour photo)]]
	The rancid fishpaste filling in the Thatcher-Blair historical sandwich, Sir '''John Major''' is chiefly remembered (when indeed he is remembered at all) for personifying the phrase "[[Epic fail]]", presiding as he did over the most spectacularly self-destructing Government the UK has ever seen ([[100 years ago\|1990-97]]). Oh yes.

	Srsly, it went on for so long it ~~got beyond~~ being funny and every time you thought things couldn't get any worse, they did. Toward the end, [[Britfags]] turned on the TV news each day and watched through their fingers, ready to cringe all over again as Major's administration staggered, tripped and crawled toward its overdue demise in the Tory ~~party~~'s worst electoral defeat since 1832.		'''Sir John Major''' is the rancid fish paste filling in the Thatcher-Blair historical sandwich, chiefly remembered (when indeed he is remembered at all) for personifying the phrase "[[epic fail]]," presiding as he did over the most spectacularly self-destructing Government the UK has ever seen ([[100 years ago\|1990-97]]). Oh yes.

			Srsly, it went on for so long that it stopped being funny and every time you thought things couldn't get any worse, they did.
			Toward the end, [[Britfags]] turned on the TV news each day and watched through their fingers, ready to cringe all over again as Major's administration staggered, tripped and crawled toward its overdue demise in the Tory Party's worst electoral defeat since 1832.

	So why rake up all this boring old shit?		So why rake up all this boring old shit?

imported>VX: cat

2014-03-04T11:16:08Z

cat

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:16, 4 March 2014
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	* [[William Hague]]		* [[William Hague]]
	* [[Boring]]		* [[Boring]]

			{{politics}}
			[[Category:People\|Major, John]]