Boris Johnson - Revision history

imported>CrackRabbit: /* Outside world stuff */

2022-07-10T11:56:24Z

Outside world stuff

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:56, 10 July 2022
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	{{politics}}		{{politics}}
	{{britfags}}		{{britfags}}
	{{timeline\|Article of the Now ~~June~~ 7 & 8, [[2022]]\|[[Robert Crimo]]\|{{PAGENAME}}\|[[Japan]]}}		{{timeline\|Article of the Now July 7 & 8, [[2022]]\|[[Robert Crimo]]\|{{PAGENAME}}\|[[Japan]]}}
	[[Category:People\|Johnson, Boris]]		[[Category:People\|Johnson, Boris]]

imported>CrackRabbit at 11:54, 10 July 2022

2022-07-10T11:54:31Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:54, 10 July 2022
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	{{politics}}		{{politics}}
	{{britfags}}		{{britfags}}
	{{timeline\|Article of the Now June 7 & 8, [[2022]]\|[[Robert Crimo]]\|{{PAGENAME}}\|~~TBA~~}}		{{timeline\|Article of the Now June 7 & 8, [[2022]]\|[[Robert Crimo]]\|{{PAGENAME}}\|[[Japan]]}}
	[[Category:People\|Johnson, Boris]]		[[Category:People\|Johnson, Boris]]

imported>MarioMario456: Reverted edits by ExpatMac (talk) to last revision by MarioMario456

2022-07-08T15:54:32Z

Reverted edits by ExpatMac (talk) to last revision by MarioMario456

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:54, 8 July 2022
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	{{politics}}		{{politics}}
	{{britfags}}		{{britfags}}
	{{timeline\|Article of the Now June 7 & 8, [[2022]]\|[[Robert Crimo]]\|{{PAGENAME}}\|~~[[Japan]]~~}}		{{timeline\|Article of the Now June 7 & 8, [[2022]]\|[[Robert Crimo]]\|{{PAGENAME}}\|TBA}}
	[[Category:People\|Johnson, Boris]]		[[Category:People\|Johnson, Boris]]

imported>ExpatMac: /* Outside world stuff */

2022-07-08T13:33:26Z

Outside world stuff

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:33, 8 July 2022
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	{{timeline\|Article of the Now June 7 & 8, [[2022]]\|[[Robert Crimo]]\|{{PAGENAME}}\|~~TBA~~}}		{{timeline\|Article of the Now June 7 & 8, [[2022]]\|[[Robert Crimo]]\|{{PAGENAME}}\|[[Japan]]}}
	[[Category:People\|Johnson, Boris]]		[[Category:People\|Johnson, Boris]]

imported>MarioMario456: http://web.archive.org/web/20190807230422/encyclopediadramatica.rs/Boris_Johnson + resignation news

2022-07-07T17:34:09Z

http://web.archive.org/web/20190807230422/encyclopediadramatica.rs/Boris_Johnson + resignation news

imported>MarioMario456: /* Outside world stuff */

2022-07-07T17:16:43Z

Outside world stuff

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:16, 7 July 2022
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	* [https://twitter.com/MayorofLondon‎ His Twatter account]		* [https://twitter.com/MayorofLondon‎ His Twatter account]
	* [http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8082995.stm Video of him falling in a river]		* [http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8082995.stm Video of him falling in a river]


	{{politics}}		{{politics}}
	{{britfags}}		{{britfags}}
			{{timeline\|Article of the Now June 7 & 8, [[2022]]\|[[Robert Crimo]]\|{{PAGENAME}}\|TBA}}
	[[Category:People\|Johnson, Boris]]		[[Category:People\|Johnson, Boris]]

imported>Suleiko: added link to TOW

2018-12-05T05:50:00Z

added link to TOW

← Older revision		Revision as of 05:50, 5 December 2018
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	[[File:Brexit boris johnson aghast.jpg\|thumb\|right\|300px\|I accidentally the European Union]]		[[File:Brexit boris johnson aghast.jpg\|thumb\|right\|300px\|I accidentally the European Union]]
	[[Image:Cameron-bullingdon-dining-club2 468x420.jpg\|thumb\|right\|150px\|Spot the Boris]]		[[Image:Cameron-bullingdon-dining-club2 468x420.jpg\|thumb\|right\|150px\|Spot the Boris]]
	<br>Depending on your [[POV]], '''Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson''' (srsly) is: (A) A shambolic posh fat idiot with no more political ability than a lit fart; (B) The Tory party's secret weapon and leader-in-waiting; (C) A dangerous political schemer of Machiavellian dimensions who hides his hideous potential under a superficial media-friendly veneer of bumbling affability; or (D) A highly-successful IRL Troll.		<br>Depending on your [[POV]], '''Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson''' ([https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boris_Johnson srsly]) is: (A) A shambolic posh fat idiot with no more political ability than a lit fart; (B) The Tory party's secret weapon and leader-in-waiting; (C) A dangerous political schemer of Machiavellian dimensions who hides his hideous potential under a superficial media-friendly veneer of bumbling affability; or (D) A highly-successful IRL Troll.

	[[Some argue\|It has been suggested]] that BJ's resistible rise to prominence has come about through his network of Tory friends, including his old [http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2008/apr/04/boris.london08 fellow cokehead] cronies in the Bullingdon Club, [[David Cameron]] and [[George Osborne]], but [[Lies\|nothing could be further from the truth]]. He is the British political system's embodiment of The Turd That Won't Flush Away. And on 23 June 2016, he blocked the nation's U-bend, establishing that he is in fact a stupid person who thinks he is a clever person pretending to be a stupid person.		[[Some argue\|It has been suggested]] that BJ's resistible rise to prominence has come about through his network of Tory friends, including his old [http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2008/apr/04/boris.london08 fellow cokehead] cronies in the Bullingdon Club, [[David Cameron]] and [[George Osborne]], but [[Lies\|nothing could be further from the truth]]. He is the British political system's embodiment of The Turd That Won't Flush Away. And on 23 June 2016, he blocked the nation's U-bend, establishing that he is in fact a stupid person who thinks he is a clever person pretending to be a stupid person.

imported>GIR Returns: /* Brentrance */ Was checking to see if this article existed due to me currently writing one for Sadiq Khan, and noticed this clear Remoaner butthurt. Keep that shit to r/politics and Twatter.

2018-10-13T10:47:45Z

Brentrance: Was checking to see if this article existed due to me currently writing one for Sadiq Khan, and noticed this clear Remoaner butthurt. Keep that shit to r/politics and Twatter.

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:47, 13 October 2018
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	''See: [[Brexit]]''		''See: [[Brexit]]''
	[[File:Liberation on boris.jpg\|150px\|right\|thumb\|translation not required]]		[[File:Liberation on boris.jpg\|150px\|right\|thumb\|translation not required]]
	In the run-up to Britain's European referendum of June 2016, Johnson got out his megaphone and unicycle and wobbled his way around Britain, ~~shouting ridiculous things~~ at ~~passersby~~. He ~~claimed~~ that bananas could only be sold in bunches of three because of the EU (a statement contradicted by every visit to any supermarket ever), that Britain sent £350m a week to the EU and that he would spend it on the NHS instead (we didn't, and he ~~won~~'t), and perhaps the biggest lie of all was that he regarded [[David Cameron]] as a close personal friend.		In the run-up to Britain's European referendum of June 2016, Johnson got out his megaphone and unicycle and wobbled his way around Britain, yelling the most retarded shit his benzo-addled mind could conjure up at unsuspecting members of the public, almost as though he was on a dare to sabotage the campaign at the behest of his masters. He made [[Bald\|bold]] claims that bananas could only be sold in bunches of three because of the EU (a statement contradicted by every visit to any supermarket ever), that Britain sent £350m a week to the EU and that he would spend it on the NHS instead (we didn't, it was actually [https://fullfact.org/europe/350-million-week-boris-johnson-statistics-authority-misuse/ 250 BUT WHO CARES LOL], and he didn't since he never rose to power), and perhaps the biggest lie of all was that he regarded [[David Cameron]] as a close personal friend, when everyone knows that nobody could stick the wimpy Eton twat.

	Prior to 2016, the notion of Britain leaving the EU was a topic dominated by the sort of crank who thinks there might be something in homeopathy and is still resentful about the currency going decimal in 1973. After Johnson had ~~finished his performance, more than half~~ the ~~country had swallowed enough~~ of ~~his bullshit~~ to ~~actually vote~~ for it.		Prior to 2016, the notion of Britain leaving the EU was a topic dominated by the sort of crank who thinks there might be something in homeopathy and is still resentful about the currency going decimal in 1973. After Johnson had ceased shilling [[Shit that nobody cares about\|shit that nobody cared about]] and appropriated the majority of the campaign from UKIP during the 2015 General Election that [[Nigel Farage]] was largely in charge for, a party voted for by over 4 million XENOPHOBIC RACIST BIGOTS and only managed 2 seats due to the broken voting system, retards instead found themselves backing this bleached-bald downie twat once Farage decided against running for Prime Minister, though they would soon regret it.

	Suddenly, Boris found himself the leader of a revolution with no manifesto, having got just what he wanted without the faintest idea of what to do with it. ~~Having spent years blaming the EU~~ for ~~everything~~, he was ~~faced~~ with the ~~fact that~~ he ~~no longer had that excuse and people actually expected him~~ to ~~keep~~ his ~~promises. Thus proving yet again that~~ the ~~average Briton is~~ a ~~retard~~.		Suddenly, Boris found himself the leader of a revolution with no manifesto, having got just what he wanted without the faintest idea of what to do with it. After briefly panicking for a while, he decided to revert to his original stances thinking that people would trust a literal backpedalling fool twice, and was promptly shitcanned in favor of [[Theresa May]]. Unable to deal with the humiliation of losing to a woman, Johnson essentially vanished from the face of the Earth before being made the Foreign Secretary out of pity. Now he gets to share his insanity with the world instead of confining it to a single, small island.

	~~NOTE: This is disregarding the 4 million XENOPHOBIC RACIST BIGOTS who voted for UKIP in the 2015 General Election, that [[Nigel Farage]] also brought to the referendum.~~
	{{clear}}		{{clear}}

	==Borisassination==		==Borisassination==
	[[File:The lurking menace of theresa may.jpg\|right\|220px]]		[[File:The lurking menace of theresa may.jpg\|right\|220px]]

imported>Sidecar: pics resized and minor overhaul

2018-07-11T00:49:30Z

pics resized and minor overhaul

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:49, 11 July 2018
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	{{spoiler\|this prick looks like becoming [[WTF\|britain's next prime minister]]}}		{{spoiler\|this prick looks like becoming [[WTF\|britain's next prime minister (again)]]}}
	~~{{spoiler\|he decided he didn't want the job of clearing up the epic shit he'd caused and pussied out~~}}
	[[File:Post-brexit banker quote about boris.jpg\|center\|500px\|thumb\|The City of London reacts to losing tax-haven status, June 24 2016]]		[[File:Post-brexit banker quote about boris.jpg\|center\|500px\|thumb\|The City of London reacts to losing tax-haven status, June 24 2016]]
	[[File:Brexit boris johnson aghast.jpg\|thumb\|right\|~~200px~~\|I accidentally the European Union]]		[[File:Brexit boris johnson aghast.jpg\|thumb\|right\|300px\|I accidentally the European Union]]
	[[Image:Cameron-bullingdon-dining-club2 468x420.jpg\|thumb\|right\|150px\|Spot the Boris]]		[[Image:Cameron-bullingdon-dining-club2 468x420.jpg\|thumb\|right\|150px\|Spot the Boris]]
	<br>Depending on your [[POV]], '''Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson''' (srsly) is: (A) A shambolic posh fat idiot with no more political ability than a lit fart; (B) The Tory party's secret weapon and leader-in-waiting; (C) A dangerous political schemer of Machiavellian dimensions who hides his hideous potential under a superficial media-friendly veneer of bumbling affability; or (D) A highly-successful IRL Troll.		<br>Depending on your [[POV]], '''Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson''' (srsly) is: (A) A shambolic posh fat idiot with no more political ability than a lit fart; (B) The Tory party's secret weapon and leader-in-waiting; (C) A dangerous political schemer of Machiavellian dimensions who hides his hideous potential under a superficial media-friendly veneer of bumbling affability; or (D) A highly-successful IRL Troll.

	[[Some argue\|It has been suggested]] that BJ's resistible rise to prominence has come about through his network of Tory friends, including his old [http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2008/apr/04/boris.london08 fellow cokehead] cronies in the Bullingdon Club, [[David Cameron]] and [[George Osborne]], but [[Lies\|nothing could be further from the truth]]. He is the British political system's embodiment of The Turd That Won't Flush Away. And on 23 June 2016, he blocked the nation's U-bend, establishing that he is in fact a stupid person who thinks he is a clever person pretending to be a stupid person.		[[Some argue\|It has been suggested]] that BJ's resistible rise to prominence has come about through his network of Tory friends, including his old [http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2008/apr/04/boris.london08 fellow cokehead] cronies in the Bullingdon Club, [[David Cameron]] and [[George Osborne]], but [[Lies\|nothing could be further from the truth]]. He is the British political system's embodiment of The Turd That Won't Flush Away. And on 23 June 2016, he blocked the nation's U-bend, establishing that he is in fact a stupid person who thinks he is a clever person pretending to be a stupid person.
			<br>
			<br>
			__TOC__
			{{clear}}
	=="Journalist"==		=="Journalist"==
	[[Image:Boris_johnson_mong.jpg\|thumb\|left\|Johnson has succeeded in life despite having Down's Syndrome]]		[[Image:Boris_johnson_mong.jpg\|thumb\|left\|400px\|Johnson has succeeded in life despite having Down's Syndrome]]
	Joined [[Rupert Murdoch\|Murdoch's]] ''The Times'' as a trainee reporter and was sacked within a year for falsifying a quotation. Then washed up on the newsdesk of the [[Shit no one cares about\|Wolverhampton Express and Star]], where he might well have toiled in relative and richly-deserved obscurity for the rest of his days, but somehow got on board Tory stalwart broadsheet ''The Daily Telegraph'' and rose to be Assistant Editor. Nothing to do with being a posh Tory fanboy and member of the aristocracy, he got that position purely on his own evident merit. Same as he did when he became editor of ''The Spectator'' magazine just a bit later.		Joined [[Rupert Murdoch\|Murdoch's]] ''The Times'' as a trainee reporter and was sacked within a year for falsifying a quotation. Then washed up on the newsdesk of the [[Shit no one cares about\|Wolverhampton Express and Star]], where he might well have toiled in relative and richly-deserved obscurity for the rest of his days, but somehow got on board Tory stalwart broadsheet ''The Daily Telegraph'' and rose to be Assistant Editor. Nothing to do with being a posh Tory fanboy and member of the aristocracy, he got that position purely on his own evident merit. Same as he did when he became editor of ''The Spectator'' magazine just a bit later.

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	('''Fun fact''': La Wyatt has [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-450045/Wicked-pedia-Why-online-encyclopedia-makes-want-scream.html admitted in print] to writing her own entry on [[TOW]] and has threatened to sue the site over vandalism to that page. While she's [[Notability\|not notable]] enough to merit her own entry here because she's just a blue-blood Tory [[whore\|slapper]] no-mark, it would be truly awful if anything like that were to happen again -- which can't because the craven cunts of TOW caved in at the first hint of libel action and locked her page. The cunts.).		('''Fun fact''': La Wyatt has [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-450045/Wicked-pedia-Why-online-encyclopedia-makes-want-scream.html admitted in print] to writing her own entry on [[TOW]] and has threatened to sue the site over vandalism to that page. While she's [[Notability\|not notable]] enough to merit her own entry here because she's just a blue-blood Tory [[whore\|slapper]] no-mark, it would be truly awful if anything like that were to happen again -- which can't because the craven cunts of TOW caved in at the first hint of libel action and locked her page. The cunts.).
			{{clear}}
	=="Politician"==		=="Politician"==

	[[File:Boris johnson bicycle ride.jpg\|thumb\|right\|Promoting London "Boris Bikes"]] While still in position as editor of ''The Spectator'', BJ joined the Tory party (officially joined, that is; obv he'd been an unaffiliated Tory since his father's ejaculation) and in 2001 got himself elected MP for the Tory 'safe seat' constituency of Henley, a place famous for its regatta (read: Annual picnic where wealthy and flabby-arsed true blue senior citizens eat strawberries and cream by the river once a year) and for being so upper-crust that they look down on the Queen.		[[File:Boris johnson bicycle ride.jpg\|thumb\|150px\|right\|Promoting London "Boris Bikes"]] While still in position as editor of ''The Spectator'', BJ joined the Tory party (officially joined, that is; obv he'd been an unaffiliated Tory since his father's ejaculation) and in 2001 got himself elected MP for the Tory 'safe seat' constituency of Henley, a place famous for its regatta (read: Annual picnic where wealthy and flabby-arsed true blue senior citizens eat strawberries and cream by the river once a year) and for being so upper-crust that they look down on the Queen.

	He continued in this two-pronged situation until 2005 when he was appointed to the Tory front bench of then-opposition leader and old pal [[David Cameron]]. Again, he got this position purely because he was the most suitable candidate available.		He continued in this two-pronged situation until 2005 when he was appointed to the Tory front bench of then-opposition leader and old pal [[David Cameron]]. Again, he got this position purely because he was the most suitable candidate available.
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	In 2008, he (God help us all) got elected Mayor of [[London]] and then again for a second term. He has been involved in, or directly the cause of, many many scandals, the most lulzworthy of which was claiming £99.50 in expenses for a return journey by taxi between City Hall and [[shithole\|Elephant and Castle]] – a trip of approximately five kilometres. Somehow London hasn't yet collapsed into its own sewer system, but that's no thanks to him.		In 2008, he (God help us all) got elected Mayor of [[London]] and then again for a second term. He has been involved in, or directly the cause of, many many scandals, the most lulzworthy of which was claiming £99.50 in expenses for a return journey by taxi between City Hall and [[shithole\|Elephant and Castle]] – a trip of approximately five kilometres. Somehow London hasn't yet collapsed into its own sewer system, but that's no thanks to him.
			{{clear}}
	==The quotable Johnson==		==The quotable Johnson==

	"Man of integrity, Mayor of a multicultural metropolis"		"Man of integrity, Mayor of a multicultural metropolis"
			<br>
	{{~~quote~~\|If gay marriage was OK – and I was uncertain on the issue – then I saw no reason in principle why a union should not be consecrated between three men, as well as two men; or indeed three men and a dog.\|[http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2007/08/22/boris-johnson-hits-back-at-his-critics/ Johnson, 2001] (he later completely changed his position)}}		{{morphquote\|morphquote\|background-color: white; margin: auto;\|font-weight: bold;
			\|'''If gay marriage was OK – and I was uncertain on the issue – then I saw no reason in principle why a union should not be consecrated between three men, as well as two men; or indeed three men and a dog.'''\|[http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2007/08/22/boris-johnson-hits-back-at-his-critics/ Johnson, 2001] (he later completely changed his position)
	~~{{quote~~\|What is going on in these mosques and madrasas? When is someone going to get 18th century on Islam's mediaeval arse?\|[http://web.archive.org/web/20080506102520/http://www.spectator.co.uk/the-magazine/features/13914/part_6/just-dont-call-it-war.thtml Johnson, 2007] (he later completely changed his position)}}		\|'''What is going on in these mosques and madrasas? When is someone going to get 18th century on Islam's mediaeval arse?'''\|[http://web.archive.org/web/20080506102520/http://www.spectator.co.uk/the-magazine/features/13914/part_6/just-dont-call-it-war.thtml Johnson, 2007] (he later completely changed his position)
			\|'''[St Patrick's Day celebrations are] Lefty crap'''\|[http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/uk/boris-johnson-calls-london-st-patricks-day-event-lefty-sinn-fein-crap-28714588.html Johnson, 2014] (he later completely changed his position)
	~~{{quote~~\|[St Patrick's Day celebrations are] Lefty crap\|[http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/uk/boris-johnson-calls-london-st-patricks-day-event-lefty-sinn-fein-crap-28714588.html Johnson, 2014] (he later completely changed his position)}}		}}
			{{clear}}
	=="Future Prime Minister"==		=="Future Prime Minister"==

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	''See: [[Brexit]]''		''See: [[Brexit]]''
	[[File:Liberation on boris.jpg\|right\|thumb\|translation not required]]		[[File:Liberation on boris.jpg\|150px\|right\|thumb\|translation not required]]
	In the run-up to Britain's European referendum of June 2016, Johnson got out his megaphone and unicycle and wobbled his way around Britain, shouting ridiculous things at passersby. He claimed that bananas could only be sold in bunches of three because of the EU (a statement contradicted by every visit to any supermarket ever), that Britain sent £350m a week to the EU and that he would spend it on the NHS instead (we didn't, and he won't), and perhaps the biggest lie of all was that he regarded [[David Cameron]] as a close personal friend.		In the run-up to Britain's European referendum of June 2016, Johnson got out his megaphone and unicycle and wobbled his way around Britain, shouting ridiculous things at passersby. He claimed that bananas could only be sold in bunches of three because of the EU (a statement contradicted by every visit to any supermarket ever), that Britain sent £350m a week to the EU and that he would spend it on the NHS instead (we didn't, and he won't), and perhaps the biggest lie of all was that he regarded [[David Cameron]] as a close personal friend.

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	NOTE: This is disregarding the 4 million XENOPHOBIC RACIST BIGOTS who voted for UKIP in the 2015 General Election, that [[Nigel Farage]] also brought to the referendum.		NOTE: This is disregarding the 4 million XENOPHOBIC RACIST BIGOTS who voted for UKIP in the 2015 General Election, that [[Nigel Farage]] also brought to the referendum.
			{{clear}}
	==Borisassination==		==Borisassination==
	[[File:The lurking menace of theresa may.jpg\|right\|220px]]		[[File:The lurking menace of theresa may.jpg\|right\|220px]]
	Boris had now completed the required unholy rituals so summon up the unquiet spirits of long-buried [[Tory]] European [[It's Not My Fault I'm Not Popular\|isolationism.]]		Boris had now completed the required unholy rituals to summon up the unquiet spirits of long-buried [[Tory]] European [[It's Not My Fault I'm Not Popular\|isolationism.]]

	But one should beware of unleashing [[DUN DUN\|dark forces beyond one's control.]] He who hesitates is lost, and Boris the unready apprentice had forgotten this essential fact of necromancy.		But one should beware of unleashing [[DUN DUN\|dark forces beyond one's control.]] He who hesitates is lost, and Boris the unready apprentice had forgotten this essential fact of necromancy.

	As Boris stood trembling on the brink of seizing the powers of the deep to perform at his beck and call, something was stirring in the depths of [[O Rly\|R'lyeh.]] That something was the concentrated evil of [[Margaret Thatcher\|The Dark Queen of the Night,]] who had [[Dr_Who#Master_Who\|regenerated into her new form]] and had therefore escaped detection, and just like that she struck him down into an abyss beyond space and time and he was never heard of again. Poof, shlurp, nothing.		As Boris stood trembling on the brink of seizing the powers of the deep to perform at his beck and call, something was stirring in the depths of [[O Rly\|R'lyeh.]] That something was the concentrated evil of [[Margaret Thatcher\|The Dark Queen of the Night,]] who had [[Dr_Who#Master_Who\|regenerated into her new form]] and had therefore escaped detection, and just like that she struck him down into an abyss beyond space and time and he was never heard of again. Poof, shlurp, nothing.
			{{clear}}
	==See also==		==See also==
	*[[Brexit]] - I accidentally the United Kingdom		*[[Brexit]] - I accidentally the United Kingdom

imported>ElSegCunt: /* "Journalist" */

2018-07-11T00:03:41Z

"Journalist"

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:03, 11 July 2018
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	It was during his years on the ''Telegraph'' that BoJo was taped [https://soundcloud.com/bloggerheads/boris-johnson-and-darius conspiring with convicted fraudster Darius Guppy] to have an enemy of Guppy's beaten up. But not so badly that he would be put in hospital, so that's OK, and is probably the reason that (despite not reporting Guppy to the police) Boris wasn't sacked.		It was during his years on the ''Telegraph'' that BoJo was taped [https://soundcloud.com/bloggerheads/boris-johnson-and-darius conspiring with convicted fraudster Darius Guppy] to have an enemy of Guppy's beaten up. But not so badly that he would be put in hospital, so that's OK, and is probably the reason that (despite not reporting Guppy to the police) Boris wasn't sacked.

	During this period he also got Tory fangirl and aristocrat Petronella Wyatt (daughter of Tory ''eminence grise'' and [[Royal Family]] hanger-on Woodrow (Baron) Wyatt) up the duff. She subsequently had her cunt scraped to remove any trace of Boris's ~~watery~~ seed. Again, he somehow avoided getting sacked. Boris's wife stood by him, as Tory wives tend to do.		During this period he also got Tory fangirl and aristocrat Petronella Wyatt (daughter of Tory ''eminence grise'' and [[Royal Family]] hanger-on Woodrow (Baron) Wyatt) up the duff. She subsequently had her cunt scraped to remove any trace of Boris's tainted, ichorous seed. Again, he somehow avoided getting sacked. Boris's wife stood by him, as Tory wives tend to do.

	('''Fun fact''': La Wyatt has [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-450045/Wicked-pedia-Why-online-encyclopedia-makes-want-scream.html admitted in print] to writing her own entry on [[TOW]] and has threatened to sue the site over vandalism to that page. While she's [[Notability\|~~Not Notable~~]] enough to merit her own entry here because she's just a blue-blood Tory slapper no-mark it would be truly awful if anything like that were to happen again -- which it can't because the craven cunts of TOW caved in at the first hint of libel action and locked her page).		('''Fun fact''': La Wyatt has [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-450045/Wicked-pedia-Why-online-encyclopedia-makes-want-scream.html admitted in print] to writing her own entry on [[TOW]] and has threatened to sue the site over vandalism to that page. While she's [[Notability\|not notable]] enough to merit her own entry here because she's just a blue-blood Tory [[whore\|slapper]] no-mark, it would be truly awful if anything like that were to happen again -- which can't because the craven cunts of TOW caved in at the first hint of libel action and locked her page. The cunts.).

	=="Politician"==		=="Politician"==

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:34, 7 July 2022
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	{{~~spoiler~~\|~~this prick looks like becoming~~ [~~[WTF\|britain's next~~ prime minister ~~(again)]~~]}}		{{breakingnews\|[https://www.npr.org/2022/07/07/1110061446/boris-johnson-resigns-uk-prime-minister Johnson has resigned as leader of the Conservative Party]}}
	[[File:Post-brexit banker quote about boris.jpg\|center\|500px\|thumb\|The City of London reacts to losing tax-haven status, June 24 2016]]		[[File:Post-brexit banker quote about boris.jpg\|center\|500px\|thumb\|The City of London reacts to losing tax-haven status, June 24 2016]]
	[[File:Brexit boris johnson aghast.jpg\|thumb\|right\|300px\|I accidentally the European Union]]		[[File:Brexit boris johnson aghast.jpg\|thumb\|right\|300px\|I accidentally the European Union]]
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	<br>Depending on your [[POV]], '''Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson''' ([https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boris_Johnson srsly]) is: (A) A shambolic posh fat idiot with no more political ability than a lit fart; (B) The Tory party's secret weapon and leader-in-waiting; (C) A dangerous political schemer of Machiavellian dimensions who hides his hideous potential under a superficial media-friendly veneer of bumbling affability; or (D) A highly-successful IRL Troll.		<br>Depending on your [[POV]], '''Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson''' ([https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boris_Johnson srsly]) is: (A) A shambolic posh fat idiot with no more political ability than a lit fart; (B) The Tory party's secret weapon and leader-in-waiting; (C) A dangerous political schemer of Machiavellian dimensions who hides his hideous potential under a superficial media-friendly veneer of bumbling affability; or (D) A highly-successful IRL Troll.

	[[Some argue\|It has been suggested]] that BJ's resistible rise to prominence has come about through his network of Tory friends, including his old [http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2008/apr/04/boris.london08 fellow cokehead] cronies in the Bullingdon Club, [[David Cameron]] and [[George Osborne]], but [[Lies\|nothing could be further from the truth]]. He is the British political system's embodiment of The Turd That Won't Flush Away. And on 23 June 2016, he blocked the nation's U-bend, establishing that he is in fact a stupid person who thinks he is a clever person pretending to be a stupid person.		[[Some argue\|It has been suggested]] that BJ's resistible rise to prominence has come about through his [[Clusterfuck\|network]] of Tory friends, including his old [http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2008/apr/04/boris.london08 fellow cokehead] cronies in the Bullingdon Club, [[David Cameron]] and [[George Osborne]], but [[Lies\|nothing could be further from the truth]]. He is the British political system's embodiment of The Turd That Won't Flush Away. And on 23 June 2016, he blocked the nation's U-bend, establishing that he is, in fact, a stupid person who thinks he is a clever person pretending to be a stupid person.
	<br>		<br>
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	=="Journalist"==		=="Journalist"==
	[[Image:Boris_johnson_mong.jpg\|thumb\|left\|400px\|Johnson has succeeded in life despite having Down's Syndrome]]		[[Image:Boris_johnson_mong.jpg\|thumb\|left\|400px\|Johnson has succeeded in life despite having Down's Syndrome]]
	Joined [[Rupert Murdoch\|Murdoch's]] ''The Times'' as a trainee reporter and was sacked within a year for falsifying a quotation. Then washed up on the newsdesk of the [[Shit no one cares about\|Wolverhampton Express and Star]], where he might well have toiled in relative and richly-deserved obscurity for the rest of his days, but somehow got on board Tory stalwart broadsheet ''The Daily Telegraph'' and rose to be Assistant Editor. Nothing to do with being a posh Tory fanboy and member of the aristocracy, he got that position purely on his own evident merit. Same as he did when he became editor of ''The Spectator'' magazine just a bit later.		Joined [[Rupert Murdoch\|Murdoch's]] ''The Times'' as a trainee reporter and was sacked within a year for falsifying a quotation. Then washed up on the newsdesk of the [[Shit no one cares about\|Wolverhampton Express and Star]], where he might well have toiled in relative and richly-deserved obscurity for the rest of his days, but somehow got on board Tory stalwart [[Tabloid\|broadsheet]] ''The Daily Telegraph'' and rose to be Assistant Editor. ''Nothing'' to do with being a posh Tory fanboy and member of the aristocracy, he got that position purely on his own evident merit. Same as he did when he became editor of ''The Spectator'' magazine just a bit later.

	It was during his years on the ''Telegraph'' that BoJo was taped [https://soundcloud.com/bloggerheads/boris-johnson-and-darius conspiring with convicted fraudster Darius Guppy] to have an enemy of Guppy's beaten up. But not so badly that he would be put in hospital, so that's OK, and is probably the reason that (despite not reporting Guppy to the police) Boris wasn't sacked.		It was during his years on the ''Telegraph'' that BoJo was taped [https://soundcloud.com/bloggerheads/boris-johnson-and-darius conspiring with convicted fraudster Darius Guppy] to have an enemy of Guppy's beaten up. But not so badly that he would be put in hospital, so that's OK, and is probably the reason that (despite not reporting Guppy to the police) Boris wasn't sacked.

	During this period he also got Tory fangirl and aristocrat Petronella Wyatt (daughter of Tory ''eminence grise'' and [[Royal Family]] hanger-on Woodrow (Baron) Wyatt) up the duff. She subsequently had her ~~cunt~~ scraped to remove any trace of Boris's tainted, ichorous seed. Again, he somehow avoided getting sacked. Boris's wife stood by him, as Tory wives tend to do.		During this period he also got Tory fangirl and aristocrat Petronella Wyatt (daughter of Tory ''eminence grise'' and [[Royal Family]] hanger-on Woodrow [Baron] Wyatt) up the duff. She subsequently had her box scraped and sloughed to remove any trace of Boris's tainted, ichorous seed. Again, he somehow avoided getting sacked. Boris's wife stood by him, as Tory wives [[Kitchen\|tend to do]].

	('''Fun fact''': La Wyatt has [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-450045/Wicked-pedia-Why-online-encyclopedia-makes-want-scream.html admitted in print] to writing her own entry on [[TOW]] and has threatened to sue the site over vandalism to that page. While she's [[Notability\|not notable]] enough to merit her own entry here because she's just a blue-blood Tory [[whore\|slapper]] no-mark, it would be truly awful if anything like that were to happen again -- which can't because the craven cunts of TOW caved in at the first hint of libel action and locked her page. The cunts.).		('''Fun fact''': La Wyatt has [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-450045/Wicked-pedia-Why-online-encyclopedia-makes-want-scream.html admitted in print] to writing her own entry on [[TOW]] and has threatened to sue the site over vandalism to that page. While she's [[Notability\|not notable]] enough to merit her own entry here because she's just a blue-blood Tory [[whore\|slapper]] no-mark, it would be truly awful if anything like that were to happen again -- which can't because the craven cunts of TOW caved in at the first hint of libel action and locked her page. The cunts.).
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	In 2008, he (God help us all) got elected Mayor of [[London]] and then again for a second term. He has been involved in, or directly the cause of, many many scandals, the most lulzworthy of which was claiming £99.50 in expenses for a return journey by taxi between City Hall and [[shithole\|Elephant and Castle]] – a trip of approximately five kilometres. Somehow London hasn't yet collapsed into its own sewer system, but that's no thanks to him.		In 2008, he (God help us all) got elected Mayor of [[London]] and then again for a second term. He has been involved in, or directly the cause of, many many scandals, the most lulzworthy of which was claiming £99.50 in expenses for a return journey by taxi between City Hall and [[shithole\|Elephant and Castle]] – a trip of approximately five kilometres. Somehow London hasn't yet collapsed into its own sewer system, but that's no thanks to him.
	{{clear}}		{{clear}}
	==The ~~quotable~~ Johnson==		==The Quotable Johnson==

	"Man of integrity, Mayor of a multicultural metropolis"		"Man of integrity, Mayor of a multicultural metropolis"
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	{{morphquote\|morphquote\|background-color: white; margin: auto;\|font-weight: bold;		{{morphquote\|morphquote\|background-color: white; margin: auto;\|font-weight: bold;
	\|'''If gay marriage was OK – and I was uncertain on the issue – then I saw no reason in principle why a union should not be consecrated between three men, as well as two men; or indeed three men and a dog.'''\|[http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2007/08/22/boris-johnson-hits-back-at-his-critics/ Johnson, 2001] (he later completely changed his position)		\|'''If gay marriage was OK – and I was uncertain on the issue – then I saw no reason in principle why a union should not be consecrated between three men, as well as two men; or indeed three men and a dog.'''\|[http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2007/08/22/boris-johnson-hits-back-at-his-critics/ Johnson, 2001] (He later completely changed his position.)
	\|'''What is going on in these mosques and madrasas? When is someone going to get 18th century on Islam's mediaeval arse?'''\|[http://web.archive.org/web/20080506102520/http://www.spectator.co.uk/the-magazine/features/13914/part_6/just-dont-call-it-war.thtml Johnson, 2007] (he later completely changed his position)		\|'''What is going on in these mosques and madrasas? When is someone going to get 18th century on Islam's mediaeval arse?'''\|[http://web.archive.org/web/20080506102520/http://www.spectator.co.uk/the-magazine/features/13914/part_6/just-dont-call-it-war.thtml Johnson, 2007] (He later completely changed his position.)
	\|'''[St Patrick's Day celebrations are] Lefty crap'''\|[http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/uk/boris-johnson-calls-london-st-patricks-day-event-lefty-sinn-fein-crap-28714588.html Johnson, 2014] (he later completely changed his position)		\|'''[St Patrick's Day celebrations are] Lefty crap'''\|[http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/uk/boris-johnson-calls-london-st-patricks-day-event-lefty-sinn-fein-crap-28714588.html Johnson, 2014] (He later completely changed his position.)
	}}		}}
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	=="Future Prime Minister"==		=="Future Prime Minister"==

	It is surely a sign of the profound moral, spiritual and political bankruptcy of the modern Tory party that an individual such as Boris Johnson can be seriously and openly spoken of as a future leader and Prime Minister. [[Some argue\|To many]] this seems about as likely as [[Ronald Reagan]] becoming US president, i.e., the sort of thing you only read about in sci-fi "alt-history" books, but stranger things have happened.		It is surely a sign of the profound moral, spiritual and political bankruptcy of the modern Tory party that an individual such as Boris Johnson can be seriously and openly spoken of as a future leader and Prime Minister. [[Some argue\|To many]] this seems about as likely as [[Ronald Reagan]] becoming US president, i.e., the sort of thing you only read about in sci-fi "alt-history" books, but [[Trump\|stranger things have happened]].

	==The ~~resistible rise~~==		==The Resistible Rise==

	In August 2014, having [http://www.buzzfeed.com/jimwaterson/times-boris-johnson-denied-he-will-stand-for-parliament-i previously denied on 11 occasions since 2010 that he would stand as a Tory MP] in the 2015 General Election, Johnson announced that he would be [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-28673113 seeking election as a Tory MP] in the 2015 General Election. The scheming shitsack claimed that he had no ambition to become Tory leader, lying through his fucking teeth that [[David Cameron\|David Cuntmoron]] was doing a "brilliant" job.		In August 2014, having [http://www.buzzfeed.com/jimwaterson/times-boris-johnson-denied-he-will-stand-for-parliament-i previously denied on 11 occasions since 2010 that he would stand as a Tory MP] in the 2015 General Election, Johnson announced that he would be [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-28673113 seeking election as a Tory MP] in the 2015 General Election. The scheming shitsack claimed that he had no ambition to become Tory leader, lying through his fucking teeth that [[David Cameron\|David Cuntmoron]] was doing a "brilliant" job.
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	Shortly after his announcement of intention, [http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/aug/10/boris-johnson-conservative-party-leadership-david-cameron?CMP=twt_gu a national opinion poll] showed that 34 per cent of respondents wanted him to become Tory leader after Cameron, rising to 50 per cent among Tory voters.		Shortly after his announcement of intention, [http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/aug/10/boris-johnson-conservative-party-leadership-david-cameron?CMP=twt_gu a national opinion poll] showed that 34 per cent of respondents wanted him to become Tory leader after Cameron, rising to 50 per cent among Tory voters.

	This demonstrates [[Captain Obvious\|two things]]: That the British are starved of entertainment and that Tory voters are thicker than most.		This demonstrates [[Captain Obvious\|two (2) things]]: That the British are starved of entertainment and that Tory voters are thicker than most.

	(Mind you, it's worth remembering that the modern Tory party is such a cavalcade of cunts that the second pick of the majority would be hatchet-faced harridan Home Secretary Theresa May, which from a Borisian perspective must be like being voted more popular than necrophilia).		(Mind you, it's worth remembering that the modern Tory party is such a cavalcade of cunts that the second pick of the majority would be hatchet-faced harridan Home Secretary Theresa May, which from a Borisian perspective must be like being voted more popular than necrophilia).