View source for Shaq-Fu

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{{achtung|IT'S LIKE BOOM! I PUT IN THE HOOP LIKE SLAM! I HEARD THE CROWD SCREAMING OUT JAM! I SWEAR THAT I'M TELLING YOU THE FACTS, CUZ THAT'S HOW I BEAT SHAQ!}}




'''BEHOLD! THE GREATEST FIGHTING GAME EVER TO BE CREATED BY MAN HIMSELF!'''

[[Image:Shaqfu.jpg|thumb|Shaq's Big Challenge]]

Shaq-Fu is a fighting game developed by [[EA]] and [[Fail|Delphine Software]] in 1994. It is based one the real life adventures of basketball legend, and future [[Irish|Boston Celtic's]] player, Shaquille O'Neal. On his second year in the NBA in the mid 90's, Shaq became a [[pretty cool guy]] and everybody worshiped him. Back then, Shaq put it in the hoop like slam and hear the crowd screaming out jam. You could not get away from Shaq, he was whored by almost every company. He sold out to Pepsi, Shoe commercials, food, and, get this, became a fucking rapper! As an attempt to cash in on his success and milk his giant money squirting tits, some cock sucking shyster thought it would be a good idea to give him a record contract. From his first laughably shitty album entitled "Shaq-Fu", spawned the most abominably lulzy fighting game that would be "Shaq-Fu".

[[Image:Shaqfuplay.jpg|thumb|Nothing but top quality technology was used in the making of this game]]

==Story==
The story begins as Shaquille O'Neal, one of [[the best]] basketball players evar, is in [[Japan]] for a charity basketball game. Soon he walks in to a do-jo and finds the old geezer who owns it. The old [[Azn|Asian]] man tells Shaq in an opium fueled high that Shaq must save a prince kid of another dimension by beating the shit out of Sett-Ra, an [[awesome|Eygyptian mummy that wears spiked shoulder-pads ''and'' knows martial arts]]. So Shaq steps in to the closet [[WTF|and finds himself in another world]].  But not only that, he also mysteriously develops kung fu powers and his own fighting style which is dubbed [[Lolwut|"Shaqido"]]. So now it is up to him to fuck up countless warriors that take orders from the fucking mummy. Said warriors include a [[catgirl]] that teleports and throws these exploding seeds, an [[terrorist|arab]] possesing the best sabers in the universe, a [[breast implants|busty]]-ass [[pagan|black chick that kicks your ass with voodoo dolls]], a [[Nigga Know Technology|cyborg-nigger]], and a [[Resident Evil 5|monster/zombie made of lava]].

You then end up in the best plot twist ever to be conjured, '''[[spoiler|YOU FIGHT THE OLD GUY FROM THE DO-JO AND THE BOY YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAVE!]]''' If that wasn't enough, you fight two more assholes to get to the end. Then you finally reach the [[Final Boss|mummy]] and he's hard as shit. After [[Unrealistic Expectations|you defeat him]], Shaq leaves [[Afghanistan|this crappy place]] with the boy and the old fuck and heads to the big charity game that Shaq's team will most likely lose because [[Truth|Shaq can't make a free-throw for shit even if the world depended on it]].

[[Image:Shaq Fu-2.png|thumb|left| Protip: Avoid [[pussy|''easy'' and ''normal'']] mode, as all you have to do to win every match in those is to simply back your opponent into a corner and keep tapping the kick button until you defeat him.]] 

[[Image:Shaq Fuboxart.jpg|thumb| This is the fabled box art, you can tell by the calligraphy and markings. Much like opening Pandora's Box, unboxing Shaq-Fu would bestow upon you with all the horrors of the world. Note the tagline "Come Get Yours!"]] 

'''Analysis''':
If you actually grow the balls to play [[assrape|''hard'']] mode, opponents will pull specials out of their ass every chance they had. Everyone bitched about this, and also because the game's controls were a little unresponsive, but what they fail to realize is that this only adds to the realism. If you were trapped in another world full of assholes that only wanted to kick your ass, you'd be fucked too. All you could do is kick the shit out of them to survive.

Shaq-Fu was just a marketing scheme to cash in on Shaquille O'Neal's success at the time having young fans beg their parents to buy them the latest Shaq-Crap, from shit rap to a sellout-clusterfuck of godawful movies, Shaq did it all. While America was on it's knees to sucking his black cock, he was reeping in the big bucks from all corners. Shaq was nothing more than a sellout that prostituted himself to literally every fucking company there was. Even though ''Shaq-Fu'' the videogame, and the soundtrack, were byproducts of Shaq's selling out, that doesn't stop them from being fucking awesome. Well, maybe only the game, [[fact|Shaq's rap was utter shit]]; [[srsly|and yet, he sold over 2 million CDs]].

Today, no one gives a shit about Shaq, he's popularity has gone down in the last decade and a half. When he's not on the court calling fouls or making terrible 3-pointers, he's doing Icy-Hot commercials. But Shaq-Fu has not been forgotten. This game has left a legacy and shall remain for generations to come.

'''[[tl;dr]]''':
Shaq-Fu is the best game [[evar]], [[DO IT FAGGOT|go play it]].

==The Cast==
[[Image:Shaquido.jpg|thumb|left|Shaqido lol]]

'''[[Nigger|Shaquille O'Neal]]''' - aka Shaq and Shaq-Diesel. The star of the game because it wouldn't be Shaq-Fu without the athlete its named after. Basketball star turned to martial arts warrior by [[gay|stepping in and out of the closet]]. He is the chosen one to save the prince and kill the mummy. His special attack, the [[lolwut|''Shaquriken'']], is totally not the same as [[Street Fighter|Ryu's Hydouken]].

'''[[Sand Nigger|Rajah]]''' - Imagine Aladdin with a turban, now give him two sabers that allow him to pwn you from the other side of the screen.

'''[[catgirl|Kaori]]''' - A [[furry]] of the human-feline kind. She was created by the developers to [[masturbate|stimulate]] the interest of the game to covert/overt furries everywhere. Provides for endless [[fapping]] for sick fucks [[13 year old boys]] who are curious to feel what its like to slip their dick into a [[cat]]. 

'''[[Zombie|Mephis]]''' - A green zombie that wears a hood and uses magic to kick your ass.

'''[[Aspie|Auroch]]''' - [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmu6PGzlFS4|as UrinatingTree said]], this guy is what happens when [[Mortal Kombat|Motaro]] rapes [[Street Fighter|Zangeif]].

'''[[steroids|Beast]]''' - A hueg red muscular [[Shit no one cares about|skeleton/zombie/monster]].

'''[[KFC|Colonel]]''' - A high ranking offical who is also a cyborg. [[Obviously|Possibly]] a fag because of all that silver on him.

'''[[Black Chicks|Voodoo]]''' - A black chick with breast implants that also kicks your ass with magical powers. Like with the furry, the developers made her so kids can jerk off to her. She's not Shaq's girlfriend.

'''[[wigger|Diesel]]''' - Some [[pussy|weakling]] [[Azn]] who ripped off Shaq's nickname. HA! HA! HA! HA!

'''[[lemonparty|Leotsu]]''' - The old fuck who foretold Shaq's destiny and states that Shaq is the chosen one. Near the end, he fights and loses to Shaq because he wanted to test Shaq's strength or some shit.

'''[[13-year-old boy|Nezu]]'''- The boy prince that Shaq is said to save yet fights him as well because the mummy made him his [[bitch|mind-control slave]].

'''[[Final Boss|Sett-Ra]]''' - The main villain and final boss of the game. He's a mummy with spiked shoulder pads and, just like every other character, has magical powers. He's hellbent on taking over two worlds, one of them being [[IRL]].

==[[lulzkiller|Shaq-Fu Search and Destroy Mission]]==
[[Image:Liberation4-3.jpg|thumb|The [[basement dwellers|guys]] gloating their hard day of searching for the only 4 copies of Shaq-Fu. They are not wearing any pants so they are gay.]]
Years after the travesty that was Shaq-Fu, a bunch of friends gathered for a weed and [[circle jerk]] session. While stroking each other, one of the fags had the bright idea. For some reason, fapping and getting fapped made him reminisce of the time he first played Shaq-Fu and all it's [[lulz|disappointing glory]]. He got the idea to make a website dedicated to the locating and liberation of this game. Thus, the website Shaqfu.com was born.

[[No life|These guys literally went around to local video game shops to search for the all the copies of Shaq-Fu]]. The mission was successful as they raided many GameStops to [[delete fucking everything]]! They took photos of their findings and destruction of the cartridge to post them on the internet because they had nothing better to do with their lives. Crushing, burning, freezing, runing over, thrown from high buildings, peeing on it, shoving it up a cat's ass, you name it, Shaq-Fu has endured many [[Mortal Kombat|fatalities]] at the hands of these people. Many [[noobs]] who thought it was an awesome idea did like wise to buy the cartridge from ebay, record the destroying of them on cheap out dated video cameras, and post it on [[youtube]]. This act did not infact made them cool, but even more retarded than usual. The site is still up but the liberation of the world of Shaq-Fu has been severely been cut since GameStop doesn't sell used Sega Genesis or SNES games anymore. See for yourself.

==[[I did it for the lulz|Shaq Fu Search and Rescue]]==
[[Image:Shaqfusaved.jpg|thumb|A perfectly innocent Shaq-Fu which was saved from the clutched of the other faction and adopted in a warm loving home.]]
Over the years, Shaq-Fu must have accumulated a [[at least 100|cult group of fans]]. This must be true since not long after Shaqfu.com went up, a rival site known as saveshaqfu.com rose out of the cries of innocent Shaq-Fu's worldwide. If Shaqfu.com was the [[Nazi]] for Shaq-Fu, then saveshaqfu.com was the Jew for the game. Yep, that's right. This site is dedicated to giving a warm loving home to every copy Shaq-Fu. This quickly became a session of [[trolls trolling trolls]] between the two factions as saveshaqfu also reaped in countless copies of the game (about 79). These fags are extremely dedicated to save every copy. With the time they spent on saving this game, they can actually do something useful. This website would have been labeled as a [[lulzkiller]], but the fact that they manage to make the other site rage is [[lulzworthy]]. All in all, choose your side!

==Videos==
<br><center>{{fv|Shaq-Fu|background-color: green;|font-weight: bold;|<youtube>fpN8Onqa3Y4</youtube>|<youtube>vcHGvLbC8dA</youtube>|<youtube>DiELPso3Tfk</youtube>|<youtube>Q8-F15l9iTs</youtube>|<youtube>3N6znmMhqXA</youtube>|<youtube>FM9uilUZ75c</youtube>|<youtube>OfhhWA9GF0M</youtube>}}</center><br>

==See also==
*[[Superman 64]]
*[[Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing]]
*[[Custer's Revenge]]
*[[Sellout]]

==External links (Choose your destiny)==
* http://www.shaqfu.com
* http://www.saveshaqfu.com

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