View source for Freezone

{{notice|''Not to be confused with [[Friendzone|where you spend your life.]]''}}<br>

[[Image:SquirrelCOS.jpg|thumb|A Freezone Scientologist in the wild]]
[[Image:DONOTWANTLRON.jpg|thumb|SRSLY ..why is there a volcano on the goddamn fucking thing?!]]
[[Image:Freezone-landingcraft.jpg|thumb|Freezone attack craft in orbit around Portland Oregon]]
[[Image:Grades.gif|thumb|clearly hubbard was a fucking genius and should be listened to]]

'''The Freezone''' or '''Freezone''' for short is a group of [[morons|people]] who worship [[Hubbard|L. Ron Hubbard]] to a degree even "normal" Scientologists consider [[batshit insane|strange]]. Not only are these people almost '''completely''' out of their fucking minds but they are also are the strongest proof that [[Intelligent Design]] does not exist since [[Christian|Christians]]. The "freezone movement" started in 1982 when a believer of [[bullshit|"standard technology"]] [[Captain Bill Robertson]] left Scientology after arguing that [[Marcab Confederacy|aliens]] were truly watching us all and were infiltrating [[Scientology]]. Of particular note about the Freezone, they are the source of [[over 9000]] percent of the conspiracy theories written about in the world ranging from hollow and flat Earth theories to JEWS DID COS.

They are more or less a group of smug, [[Unwarranted_self_importance|self important morons]] who know the [[bullshit|secrets of the universe]] and are thus, [[over 9000|over 9,000 percent better than you]]. Thankfully, they are a minority religion just like their puny pathetic alien cousins [[Scientology]] and are of no true consequence to the world at large.  However, if they were larger it would be hilarious to point out how fucking stupid they all are on a daily basis.

==Beliefs==

===Dianetics=== 

Freezoners adore the book [[Dianetics]] even though it is <s>mostly</s> a crack-pot fantasy full of [[Creationism|pseudo-science]] written by an abortion obsessed pedophile who claims to be a doctor of nuclear science.  Any entry-level Freezoner must read Dianetics at least until their eyes bleed and they can recite ''from memory'' anything/everything written in it; if you cannot recite anything from the book, you are not a loyal drone of Hubbard's and are obviously thinking for yourself.

===Alien Theology===

Although the Freezone claim they're not as stupid as Scientology or as corrupt, they still make you wait years before you find out that seventy five million years ago, some [[Xenu|asshole]] committed intergalactic [[holocaust|genocide]] on our planet and the dead space alien souls are trapped here and fuck with you causing you to masturbate, watch [[Fox News]] or beat your wife.  

===Conspiracy Theories and Little-known Beliefs===

The Freezone, like any hacked up mess of lunatics is not really all there in the brains department and so since they deny their members psychiatric medication they are responsible for the following bizarre theories and beliefs.

* L. Ron Hubbard was murdered by [[David Miscavige]] (who wasn't even in the same country when Hubbard died)
* L. Ron Hubbard was being suppressed by the United States government because if the technology of Scientology would ever work they would overthrow the corrupt and archaic government
* David Miscavige is being used by the IRS to continue fucking up the technology of Scientology for the government
* The United States government is benefiting GREATLY and financially from the technology of Dianetics/Scientology (even though we're in debt up to our ears)
* L. Ron Hubbard's son wasn't a homosexual; this was a story run by David Miscavige and the IRS to ruin the image everyone has of Ron Hubbard as a great family man
* Dianetics touch assists can/have brought people back from the dead
* Aliens had a nuclear holocaust on our planet 75 million years ago and the geography of the planet and our radiation levels haven't been affected by it
* Unique to the Freezone, is the practice of doing auditing bullshit to people over Skype. This practice though controversial, is simple. All that is involved is the auditor holding a rusty old can in his left hand, and his limp cock in his right or middle hand.

==Organizations==

===International Freezone Association===

This group of COMPLETE asshole fucking Zombies is in charge of (but not really because anyone can ignore them like normal people do) of standardizing Scientology Freezone practices, beliefs, doctrine and apparently training people to use soup cans for alternative medicinal practices.

===Ron's Orgs===

These guys are the ones who come up with all the bizarre alien shit we hear all too much about these days.  Starting in the early 1980s this group of fuckbags engineered stories about ancient alien civilizations on Mars, Venus, Saturn and far off in Marcabia.  These are the people who TRULY believe you bring people back from the dead through Dianetics they are also the most gullible fucking morons alive because most of them believe they can go back trillions of years into their history as a soul and see far off worlds, creatures and intelligent beings.

In the late 1980s a discovery was made by [[Captain Bill Robertson]] that there were far more OT levels possible than just the standard 1-8 which were available to everyone currently so he wrote up some bullshit on paper and claimed he did [[alcoholism|research]] into almost 48 levels.  This meant only one thing, Captain Bill was OBVIOUSLY receiving telepathic thoughts from L Ron Hubbard and should be completely/totally revered.

===Famous Freezoners===

* [[Captain Bill Robertson]] - This moron started the Freezone and is responsible for you having to read about what an alien fucktard belief system these people are.
* Michael A. Hobson Independent Scientologist Indie 500 #99 - the shadowy Puppet Master behind Rathbun and Rinder. 
* Maxim Lebedev - Famous for believing that a touch assist he performed once brought a coma patient out of a coma and a dead man back to life from a heart attack.
* Aida Tomas - Makes YouTube videos which are "interesting" to say the least, former Class VIII auditor, believes in alien genocides, body thetans and past lives.
* Mark A. Baker - heir of the vast Baker's Beetroot empire.
* Tommy Thompson - This dude is just completely fucking mad. 
* Ray Mithoff - failed sci-fi writer, failed Scientologist (same as sci-fi writer really) is now working in the Freezone telling everyone he was a Class XII auditor. This fact means nothing to real Scientologists because he's just a squirrel and a despot/loser.
* Fancy - occasional poster to Freezone and some critical forums. Shy gentle woman who was hurt by the cult when she was involved in it.
* Joe Lynn - Well known critic of Scientology. Has never been a member. Describing him as a Freezoner is, therefore, a mistake.
* Fluffy aka VC - although not a Freezoner herself, she has a huge collection of dolls and cardigans which is very suspicious.
* Dr Terril Park - is the Freezone equivalent of Tom Cruise.

==Media Mess of Freezoners==

<gallery>
Image:Xenu letters.jpg|Zinjifar (left) showing off his drug dealer look at a protest)
Image:Ufo01.jpg|Freezone Alien Bullshit
Image:Cbr2.jpg|Unqualified retard talking about Scientology (Captain Bill)
Image:Sneaks.jpg|Michael Hobson showing off that Scientology accepts homosexuality
</gallery>

== External Links ==

*[http://www.fza.org/other/sector9/sob14.php Freezone Commander declares a person Suppressive]
*[http://freezoneamerica.com/ Freezone America website

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[[Category:Subcultures]]

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[[Category:Chanology]]