View source for E-lawyer

{{Elaw}}

[[Image:iwillsue2.jpg|thumb|left|A depiction of a typical e-Lawyer.]]

'''''"You can't do that to me!  That's ILLEGAL.  I WILL SUE!"'''''  Common phrase uttered during a [[flame war]].  Usually with more misspelling.

During a big drama meltdown, someone claims to have been the victim of some crime such as: [[slander]], [[defamation]], [[libel]], [[copyright infringement]], [[harassment]], [[spam]], [[Buttsecks|forgery]], [[impersonation]], [[Nobody_gives_a_shit|whatever]].  The victim's [[sock puppet]]s then all rise up to describe and define the alleged crime.  In [[99.9%|99.999%]] of these cases, the alleged crime doesn't even come close to meaning what the e-lawyer thinks it does.

Rising to the level of e-lawyer requires that one side start spouting off a bunch of legal sounding bullshit in the most [[Serious Business|serious manner possible]].  A good e-lawyer will use recycled arguments from TV shows like [[DUN DUN|''Law & Order'']] or ''Matlock''.  The very best e-lawyers practice during their spare time playing [[Phoenix Wright]].  And of course, everyone gets a laugh when, on the advice of an e-lawyer, some aggrieved party actually consults a real attorney and has to pay $200 to be laughed at and told they have no case.

Another type of e-lawyering is a common occurence on communities such as {{ljcomm|lj_seattle}}.  Someone will ask for advice on a real legal issue.  "How do I break my lease?" is always popular.  A number of people who think they have experience with this issue ("I'm the janitor at an apartment complex so I KNOW.") will followup with horribly bad advice.  Often drama and hilarity ensues in followup comments to the community.  Note that in these kinds of queries, the people that followup with references to real laws are those that get ignored.

<s>E-lawyers</s> Assholes often [[dubious disclaimer|preface]] their arguments with [[ianal]].

== Professional [[E-lawyer|E-lawyers]] ==
* '''John W. Dozier, Jr.''', who is a self-proclaimed pioneer in [[Internets]] [[law]], has a for-reals [http://www.cybertriallawyer.com/ law practice] that specializes in e-writs. While he claims to have experience in dealing with 252 different kinds of [[E-lawyer|e-lawyer]] doctoring, he has declared his specialization to be in the ignoble area of ``blogger misconduct.``
* '''Dr. Interlulz Lolsuiter, Ph.D''', is a e-lawyer who majored in copyright infringement on the [[internets]]. After he spent 10 years in internets law school, he subsequently [[an hero]]'d after realising he had no point in living anymore, he left behind a legacy, to always major in internet law, you'll come out [[an hero]].
* '''Pheonix Wright: Ace Attorney''', is the best defense lawyer who ever lived ever ever. He invented and coined the phrase, "[[Objection]]" and "Hold it" when cross examining witnesses. He is the master at making witnesses look like a bunch of [[roody-poo]] dumb fucks. 

``Blogger misconduct,`` as defined by the good juris doctor, is inclusive to [http://www.cybertriallawyer.com/scofflaw-bloggers ``Scofflaw Bloggers`` ] that engage in [[defamation]], [[copyright infringement]], trademark infringement and [[hacking]]. 

Also arguably worthy of note, Dozier believes that he can forbid [http://yro.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=07/10/18/2123233 the viewing of the HTML source to his web-page by means of an EULA on his web-page]. 
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* '''Garrett Gyssler (AKA, Xanal)''', who is always eagerly awaits your e-lawyer calling him.
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* '''{{twitter|GamingLawyerJ| Gaming Lawyer JP}}''', the SJW lawyer who always white knight his lunatic fake Jewish trans spouse {{twitter|RemembrancerMx}} from trolls. Says that [[Kiwi Farms]] is a [[Time travel|offshoot]] of [[GamerGate]]. He/Him.

== Attorneys IRL: One of the largest scam operations==

Attorneys love to put YUGE billboards all around cities claiming that you can be a millionaire for slipping on the ice and skinning your knee.  In reality, this only works out for a small handful of cases, and MOAR likely, you will be paying tons-a-shekels for five minutes of work and going broke.  Better to talk to a LLM first.

==See Also==

*'''[[Parry Aftab]]''', who is also a lawyer and who considers herself "The Angel of the Internet". She is an [[epic]] [[whale]].
*[[Attorney at lol]]
*[[lolsuit]]
*[[Jews]]


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[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]