View source for Camrose Cat Killers

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[[File:SABIAN JORDAN RYAN.jpg|thumb|Sabian Jordan Ryan (left)]]
[[File:Mac and Sabian Ryan 2013.jpeg|thumb|Mac and Sabian Ryan, 2013]]

'''Sam Sheppard''', '''Sabian Jordan Ryan''', '''Macaully (Mac) Ryan''', and '''Jesse Gillis''', known collectively as the '''Camrose Cat Killers''' are four [[pun|pussies]] who [[Cat in Microwave|microwaved a cat]] named Princess after robbing<sup><span class="plainlinks">[http://www.pet-abuse.com/cases/12908/AB/CA/]</span></sup> their neighbors' home in Camrose, Alberta, [[Canadia]] on December 29 and December 30, 2007. When the story broke, the Internet took notice, not just because [[fact|the Internet loves cats]], but also because of the strange Canadian law that [[Streisand effect|prohibits publishing their names]], since they were juveniles when they committed the crime.

{{Quote|You HAD a nice cat - look in the microwave!|Scrawled on the wall}}

== They got away with it ==

After they were caught, they initially pled not guilty, and later suffered IRL [[troll's remorse]], and changed their pleas to "guilty" in exchange for a "sentence" of 100 hours of community service, and [[noone]] went to jail. Expert testimony revealed that the cat's nervous system boiled, and its organs exploded during the ten minutes it took to kill the animal, while the perpetrators listened to its screams.

{{quote|Remorse. Just flat out remorse.|Crown lawyer John Laluk|on the motivation for the plea change}}

Quite a lot is known about Mac and Sabian Ryan, because of their band, but because the Internet has the attention span of a flea, and since the [[Operation Restoration|former regime]] was paranoid as fuck about lolsuits, this article was not kept up to date, and the whereabouts of the other two [[it is a mystery|is still a mystery]]. Except not, here is {{twitter|THESAB3|Sabian Jordon Ryan}} on Twitter.

== Vengeance ==

[[Internets]] tube junctions, like [[Facebook]] and [[Nexopia]], immediately rose up and formed the hate forums.  Even [[Bill Cosby]] hated them and refused to send [[cock|pudding pops]].  The Canadian version of [[The Man]] showed up in the small town, going from house to house warning people not to name names.  When he found the Facebook posts, he went to the posters' homes and threatened little children with jail time unless they used their accounts to delete the names from Facebook.  Because [[O RLY|the names were nowhere to be found]], internutters went even more nutters, even offering rewards for the names<sup><span class="plainlinks">[http://groups.google.com/group/edm.general/browse_frm/thread/6c8368fba8b8eeec/c09c3821d2640ba4?lnk=st&q=camrose+cat+killers+names#c09c3821d2640ba4]</span></sup>.

== Guise, it's illegal to publish their names ==

*'''Sam Sheppard'''
*'''Sabian Jordan Ryan'''
*'''Mac Ryan'''
*'''Jesse Gillis'''

== Updates ==

All the perpetrators are now adults, and it is unclear whether it is still illegal to reveal their names. Research is ongoing, but here is what is known so far:

=== Mac Ryan and Sabian Jordan Ryan ===
[[File:SABIAN RYAN BUTTHURT FACEBOOK REPLY.png|thumb|Despite efforts to help Sabian become more famous, he refuses to unblock a fan who only wished to help him achieve more fame. <nowiki>:</nowiki><]]
Mac Ryan and Sabian Jordan Ryan are brothers who were involved in the robbery and animal torture. As of 2012, The Ryan Brothers were together in a garden variety craprock band called "Any Last Regrets", until Mac got a real job and now the band is called "WTHCNVCTN" as of [[2016]].

;Oh look, Facebook accounts:
*[http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1066432096 Mac Ryan] aka "Macaully Von Bathory"
*[http://www.facebook.com/CrucifiedToADream Sabian Jordan Ryan's Facebook Account] [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003877895710 Alternate account]
*[http://www.myspace.com/musicfreak96 lol Sabian's MySpace page]
*[https://www.facebook.com/wthcnvctn Sabian's shit band] on Facebook.

Notice how their pages are covered in hardcore emo death metal screamo shit and how Sabian's URL is 'CrucifiedToADream'. These guy's are [[pussies|really tough and hardcore]] so [[DO IT FAGGOT|do not mess with them]].

;YouTube
{{quote|Every time you say something negative, you're only making my case in court that much easier. did you know it is a federal crime to be saying what you're saying? hey, THIS is sabian by the way. i have nothing to hide! :) it's nice to speak to you mr.kittycatdeth. i don't know if you noticedm but you spelled your name wrong, deth, is spelled like so: Death. but seriously, we love all your facebook, youtube and reverbnation attention! :) because after 4 years, i'm finally going to sue all of you.|{{yt|u|venusdoom001}} (Sabian Jordan Ryan)|expressing that remorse that got him off the hook}}

{{quote|So basically, in accordance to what i just posted, thank you for your help in making us famous. believe it or not, I'm already Famous, the funny thing about Notoriety is, it works both ways. you know who i am, right? :)|{{yt|u|venusdoom001}} (Sabian Jordan Ryan)|mistaking fame for infamy}}

;Twitter
*<s>{{twitter|SabianRyan}} - Sabian Jordan Ryan on Twitter</s> lol deleted

== See also ==

* [[Cat in Microwave]]
* [[Luka Magnotta]]
* [[Melissa Bachman]]
* [[Kenny Glenn]]
* [[Cheyenne Cherry]]
* [[Puppy Pitcher]]

== External links ==

*[http://archive.fo/anGZT More story!]
*http://www.wikigrain.org/?req=Camrose+cat+killing
*[http://deletionpedia.dbatley.com/w/index.php?title=Camrose_cat_killing_%28deleted_28_Jul_2008_at_23:23%29 Camrose cat killing] at [[Deletionpedia]]

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