Encyclopedia Dramatica - Things to revert [en]

User:Sphalerite

2026-06-10T22:31:20Z

Sphalerite: /* Contribs */

Hello World! I am an oldfag (2003/06/30) in great support of the cause of ED and its contrast to the rest of the fucked Internets. [[Unrealistic expectations|I hope I am not much of a nuisance]].

==Contribs==
To the surprise of everyone, I have done something for the greater lulz. Here is my list of improved in some way and created pages: (chronological order)
===Improved===
*[[Nu-male]]
*[[Shoe]]
*[[Michael Jackson]]
*[[Incel]]
===Created===
*[[Clavicular]]

Incel

2026-06-10T22:27:58Z

Sphalerite: /* Famous InCels */ Added new link

:''This article is about male losers who can't get laid. For female losers who can't get laid, see [[Feminism]].''

[[File:IncelInside.jpg|right|250px]]
[[File:Textbook incel.jpg|thumb|right|Textbook example]]
[[File:Incel Collage 3.jpg|thumb|200px|Incels who became to [[an hero]]es, except for the [[Armenian]] [[Canadian]] Alek Minassian]]
[[File:Virgin versus Chad meme 2017.jpeg|thumb|[[Circumcised|Circumcel]] versus alpha boss with [[foreskin]].]]

'''Incel'''{{Incel}} or '''Involuntary Celibacy''' is a [[PTSD|fictitious medical disorder]] that was made up by [[ugly]] [[virgin]]s in an attempt to explain to themselves why even the filthiest [[Ghetto|inner city]] [[crack]][[whores]] are unwilling to [[Fuck|have sex with]] them. The term "''Involuntary Celibate''" [[Some argue|is believed to]] have been coined in [[Web 1.0|1997]] by a [[fugly]] [[Canadian]] [[chick]] named '''Alana''' after she discovered that she [[Epic fail|couldn't even manage to get laid]] in [[college]] – which should surprise absolutely no one since only a [[woman]] would be capable of creating something as [[Retarded|fucking stupid]] as the incel movement. Alana later went on to become a self-proclaimed "''[[queer]]''" after realizing that [[butch]] [[lesbians]] have much lower standards than [[men]].

The [[typical]] incel is a 5'2" [[manlet]] with [[inbreeding|poor facial symmetry]] who is extremely [[rape|uncomfortable]] around [[wimminz]], and blames society for his inability to develop a personality in the face of adversity, like a [[Chad|man]] would. Many incels advocate for "''[[conservative|a return to traditional values]]''" (ironic since traditionally, young men had to work and interact with the world IRL) enforced with [[liberalism|government interference in their lives]] and to be provided with girlfriends. Others write sexually-repressed [[shit|manifestos]] in online echo chambers, discussing murder fantasies and ways that women could be re-enslaved with others until they inevitably [[It's Not My Fault I'm Not Popular|become popular at their high school.]]

Incels' main grievance lies in the change of society from being <s>more controlling of women</s> rightfully shaming sluts, to the one we have now, [[Degenerate|post-sexual revolution]] where a woman can prove she doesn't need no man by fucking 25 guys before settling down. [[Last Thursday|In the olden days]], when Pappy could buy a railroad for a quarter, [[Islam|marriages were arranged]], so no one missed out on the opportunity to have a normal, happy life with their [[13-year-old girl|beautiful bride]] that [[incest|they grew up with]]. Even [[4chan|hideous or deformed people with no money, personality or future prospects]] were matched up in these marriages to [[ugly|women on their same level]] who bravely chose to marry them instead of starving to death.

With the introduction of the internet, [[faggots|people who had not previously had much experience with sex]] suddenly saw [[camwhore|many women]] naked that they may never have seen before. [[Retarded|They believed this put them on an equal platform with insanely hot women]]. Due to being rejected by women way out of their league, and not being attracted to the girls they could actually get, they have said, "You're not dumping me, I'm dumping YOU!" to the modern dating culture. What a [[miracle|shame]].

== Philosophy of the Pussy Challenged ==
[[File:Incel.png|thumb|right|300px|When your group shares a name with a organization for assisted suicide, maybe it's god's way of telling you that you should kill yourself.]]
A piece of history which incels often fail to consider are their own origins. They have never brought up the topic of eunuchs, which were the first "incels". These men were not fit to reproduce sexually for a variety of reasons, and so they were removed from the gene pool by their superiors. They generally did not have marriages arranged to them either, for obvious reasons. Still, in certain cultures like [[Turkey]] and [[China]], eunuchs often rose to positions of power and some prestige in the imperial courts and in a fit of supreme rl irony - were often tasked with guarding and overseeing the [[Chad|Emperor]]'s harem and thus being surrounded by dozens or hundreds of the prettiest bitches in the realm. This makes the modern Incel/Eunuch an even greater sack of pathetic shit when one really thinks about it.

Modern eunuchs/incels still have their dicks however, yet [[Wut|complain that things are "worse" for them than ever before]]. Over time it was considered cruel to castrate men simply for being [[White trash|genetic garbage]] or [[Australia|uncontrollable criminals]], so the practice of castration was stopped. This of course lead to the physically and mentally deficient and insane reproducing, and their [[Gross|offspring mixing in with the regular population]]. Over time, these genetic deficiencies have manifested themselves in the population in obvious ways. [[Stupid|Incels focus on these deficiencies more than self-improvement]], which make them feel inferior to Chad.

They believe they will [[rape|never see a vagina in person unless force is involved]], and many of them have attempted to do exactly that, with one person in a post on Reddit actually admitting to it directly. He stated, "I put it inside her and it was like 3 strokes. That isn't rape. She doesn't even know it happened."

Other incels have given up on trying to have sex with supermodels and simply advocate for their brethren to wake up and accept that their lives are over, citing [[bullshit|credible scientific studies]]. They blame genetics in the same way that [[feminists|fat women]] blame [[Taco Bell|genetics]]. In the following video, he even blames his "weak jawline" on genetics, when it is clearly for [[fat|other reasons]].

<center><youtube>5tuf59ex-U0</youtube></center>
<center>'''Summary'''</center>

"STOP TRYING." for a few minutes, then:

Women have [[whores|multiple sexual partners]] so they prefer sleeping with people who are sexually attractive even if they are not, because even a 4/10 woman can get a pity fuck from an alpha if he's had a few drinks. This makes forcing them to sleep with [[you|losers]] no longer possible. Even worse, women can now choose to have sex with [[black|other types of]] people without much public outcry, and according to incels, the female [[LOL|genitals become more and more stretched and roast-beef like the more they let someone put their dick in them]]. So by the time they are done [[hoe|having fun in their 20's]], they are no longer the pristine package they once were. Their labia has grown to massive lengths, and turned a uniform, whorish brown color. Somehow, possibly due to psychotropic pheromones, the used-up females still attract mates. But these are only temporary fuccbois for the female, as she will never stop cheating. Once her labia has grown past 6 inches, her bloodlust for sexual intercourse cannot be stopped.

<center><youtube>FNQ1MDlBdwQ</youtube></center>
== What Do? ==

[[File:Incel island.jpg|right|250px]]

Here's some useful tips [[You]] can use if you are an incel (and let's face it, if you are here in the first place you likely are one):

*'''[[Kill yourself]]''': Simple, easy and efficient. Weather by attempting to go for a high score or just downing momma's sleepy-pills like breakfast cereals - you will be removing yourself from the gene pool and the world thus earning an easy win in your life before [[God]] knocks your ass to [[Hell]] for being a bitch.

*'''Man the fuck up''': Oh you are still here? Well then you may wanna try, oh i dunno, actually improving yourself. Yeah yeah a certain percentage of incels truly ARE [[Ugly|fugly]] pieces of work that a mother would struggle to love and others DO have mental disorders that should be treated ASAP, but the majority of you fucks are realistically 4.5-6 on your retarded "list" which is still workable. Develop [[Fap|hobbies]], start actually working out and keep to a regiment and/or get out of the fucking basement several days per week - see what happens.

*'''Start saving for plastic surgery''': If you are hellbent on your "genetics" being what's holding you back, start grinding your ass so you can afford a good makeover, it's the 21st century baby and the future is now! Chances are that even your ugly mug can be chiseled into normality with today's tech.

*'''Throw in the towel and become [[Transgender|Woman]]''': Hey, if you are too lazy to work on yourself but batshit enough to buy into an ideology conceived by a woman and squirted out of her centipede-infested vagina...why not become a "woman" yourself? You'd be your own girlfriend and maybe even get a pity-fuck from a drunk gay/lesbian/transsexual/whatever.

*'''Use dating apps''': Its most likely because youre too retarded to use tinder or whatever.

*'''Go [[Gay]] baby!''': It is an undeniable fact that homoeroticism is the highest mental faculty that a [[Man]] can develop, so prepare your anus for thorough drilling and forget sweet femininity, the cause of all of your woes forever.

*'''Don't give a shit''': Just do things that you like and fap away when the urge hits you. Get a [[Cat]] or a [[Dog]] to fill any emotional void if needed. Focus on just building friendships instead of pursuing romance.

== Incel Vocabulary ==

[[File:Sh0tsk0ln0w.png|thumb|left|250px|DID YOU KNOW?:According to [[Couch Cuck|William Atchison]], most school shooters end up committing it because they cant get laid]]

If you end up having a conversation with an incel, treat it like any other type of language barrier, and be patient.

*'''[[Chad]]''': The man they secretly lust after who ruins their lives. Perfect. Athletic. Handsome. Big [[Dick|confidence]].

*'''Normies''': People who are average-looking, average in personality, not super muscled, and to quote an incel, [[Jesus Christ|"Might as well be fucking dead, too."]] They are not Chad, so they are nothing. Incels cannot conceptualize that a man can have sex without looking like Henry Cavill, so they simply don't acknowledge them.

*'''[[Hoe|Stacy]]''': The hot girl that fucks Chad. She may also fuck normies. She will never fuck you. Unless you have drugs.

*'''[[Incel]]''': Incels are virgins, or close enough to it, 3/10s who refuse to face adversity and increase their likelihood of reproduction by increasing their strengths to make up for their weaknesses. They blame society for their failure in the dating pool, while an outside observer would simply see a reasonably attractive, successful male outperforming a male who isn't even fucking trying.

*'''[[Femcel]]''': Women who somehow liken themselves to the men ugly or [[autism|autistic]] enough to call themselves 'incel'. The two have nothing in common and most incels just have [[USI|extremely high standards]]. Useful for trolling incels (even they won't have sex with them while insinuating they are [[Lonely|unfuckable]].

*'''Hopecel''': Incels who have still not gone off the deep end and thus try or plan to improve themselves in various ways. Since Incels are essentially lazy fucks filled with envy for the more successful men but also secretly fapping to their outcast status, the thought that one of them may rise up and better themselves (and succeed) fills them with existential terror since it would also disprove their entire "philosophy".

*'''Trycel''': Not confuse with normies or Fakecels. A type of incel who has female friends, in cases, very close but gets rejected by them as girlfriend. Also, mostly of them are life-talking [[tryhard|Tryhards]] in the romantic terms, but most of them didn't get his bitch and end up depressing because friendzone isn't enough for him.

*'''[[Dick]]cel''': That's easy to explain to you, Dickcels are those type of incels who have a small dick, below 4 inches or less. In some strange cases, they consider dickcels as people with a huge 7 incher cock that didn't get his biggie laid.

*'''Roastie''': Women who have ever had sex (except with an incel). Incels believe that once women have lost their virginity, their vaginas begin taking a downward spiral of sagging and turning brown. While hilarious, this groundbreaking theory has not yet been proven. When asked, "What is the difference between having sex with 100 Chads, one time each, or having sex with an incel 100 times, in terms of how it affects the vagina?" their response was banning the person asking the question.

*'''Red Pill''': Unoriginal term they stole from online nazis (who are somehow less gross and pathetic than they are) and changed it to mean "Enlightened person who understands that all women are whores and deserve to die".

*'''Blue pill''': Anyone who doesn't believe their theory or tells them they are [[Retarded|not thinking things through very clearly]].

*'''Black pill''': When an incel is essentially [[an hero|fml, tfw no gf's off this mortal coil]]. Or when they just give up on ever getting pussy and therefore on life itself. Different incels define it differently, but it essentially means being a big sopping cunt and telling the world as often and loudly as possible.

*'''Sigma''': Not an incel but is the type of man that has a huge amount of ego, is misogynist, racist and misanthrope. This term is used by unbrained 12-year-old [[Gen Z]] and [[Gen Alpha]] kids to call someone a [[pretty cool guy]].

*'''Incelligence''': The way to explain how geeks and nerds don't rule the world in today's digitized society in which they should be prospering. Intelligence is conflated with charisma and business-savviness a'la dumbfucks like Musk or Zuckerberg who built their fortunes off of roping in naive and intelligent engineers while they themselves did nothing but steal the credit and market themselves well.

*'''[[My Chemical Romance|Raven]]''': Legbeard [[truth|in your current league]] who might fuck you. But she is one or more of the following: [[fat]], has a [[Bigfoot|hairy leg/upper lip/knuckles issue]], is a [[feminist]], is disabled/in a wheelchair, listens to [[screamo|horrible music]], has dyed/fried hair and bad skin, or bad tattoos. They generally have at least some minor flaw they can use as an excuse to claim they wouldn't fuck her, so that they don't have to confront their own cowardice or overweaning ineptitude and actually try or admit they want to. Other males have likely rejected her as hideous, so wanting to have sex with her lowers the incel's self-esteem even more. This pool of women is what incels can choose from unless they [[lol|apply a modicum of real effort]].

*'''[[Faggots|Good People That Try To Help Them]]''': Fucking normies that have excellent advice, but incels gonna incel. THERE IS NO HOPE. STOP TRYING.

*'''[[Beta Uprising]]''': Originally an ironic post from 4chan, and [[Meepsheep's Law|now an unironic battle cry]] by people who are too insecure to order a happy meal from a 14 year old McDonalds employee, as they foam at the mouth and then shit out delusional posts on internet forums about their dream to one day murder scores of women for not sleeping with them or take over the globe and place all of them in concentration camps.

*'''Fakecel''': Best way to troll an Incel is to larp as one.

==Looksmaxxing==
Looksmaxxing is a rather [[gaming|gamified]] take on escaping inceldom that involves maxing out your stats in order to increase your sexual market value. Normally, incels have a defeatist and fatalist attitude on this matter, but looksmaxxing offers a final redemption: by solely focusing on your appearance, you can work you way up to being a gigachad, because your personality and social status and other virtues are ultimately meaningless compared to this. The ultimate goal of lookmaxxing is to be able to “mog” your fellow incels by showing them how much of a glow-up you’ve gone through. PRO TIP: Mog (also mogging) is derived from the acronym AMOG, standing for Alpha Male Of Group. For example, [[William Atchison]] had AMOG written on his upper left thigh before mogging was cool. He truely mogs us all.

===Looksmaxxing Assessments===

<center><youtube>EY9Q1UanMPQ</youtube></center>

===Hardmaxxing and Softmaxxing===

Looksmaxxing can be split into two main categories: Softmaxxing and Hardmaxxing.

'''Softmaxxing''' covers all the normal shit that normal people do in order to improve their appearance, such as:
*exercising and [[bodybuilding|working out]]
*putting the chips and [[Mountain Dew]] aside and eating something healthy.
*grooming your tangly, greasy hair; applying a skincare routine for your pimply, zitty face, etc;
*taking a shower for once in your god-damn life.
*Additionally, mewing, a technique that involves planting your tongue to the roof of your mouth in order to improve jawline.
'''[[BME|Hardmaxxing]]''' on the other hand is where things get interesting, and involves techniques that are a bit more extreme, such as:
*[[pro-ana]] (starvemaxxing)
*[[plastic surgery]]
*penis-stretching, [[jelqing]]
*bone smashing (a technique that involves smashing your face with a hammer to make your jawline more ridged)
*injecting [[steroids]] to build muscle or intaking [[meth]] to loose weight.
*[[transracial|skin-bleaching]]
*tactfully breaking your legs to become taller when they heal.

===Looksmaxxing meets [[Kitties' Law]]===

As of [[last Thursday]], looksmaxxing officially made contact with [[Kitties' Law]] when looksmaxxing lingo blew up on [[TikTok]] and now all the kiddies think being a hugless, kissless permavirgin is cool now and get off to [[Patrick Bateman]] sigma male edits and use the -maxxing suffix as a regular part of their vocabulary. The Rizzler and Clavicular are perfect examples of this. The former somehow blew up on ShitTok showing off his chubby, nonexistent jawline with his family over and over again, rubbing his finger across his jawline like it’s the pussy he will never caress, while the latter is a fakecel grifter who is normalizing incel-speak to even the non-internet classes; think [[Andrew Tate]] but even more performative and gay.

== Crawling In My Skin ==

<center> Incels love music. They even create their own! Enjoy. See also: [[incelcore]] </center>

<center>{{fv|v1|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>UJG3alXdMVs</youtube>|
<youtube>ftA1gzbS1Lw</youtube>|
<youtube>9wlxyw2eeFY</youtube>|
<youtube>rAcNAmcEgEI</youtube>|}}</center>

== Incel SubReddit Simulator ==

The r/incels subreddit where most of their [[bullshit|ideas]] are shared has been made private, <s>but thankfully the internet always archives. </s> '''video unavailable'''

<center>{{fv|v1|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>gN12ru3fpw0</youtube>|
<youtube>eyJE7Uxq8P0</youtube>|}}</center>

==See Also==

===Famous InCels===
[[File:BlackOps2Cel.jpg|200px|thumb|BlackOps2cel, a venerated saint to incels]]

*[[Alek Minassian]] - has the [[High_Score|High Score]] but [[Fail|failed]] to an hero.
*[[Leicester Helicopter Pwnage|Eric Swaffer]] - An hero success, took 4 other worthless faggots with him.
*[[Elliot Rodger]] - The supreme [[vagoo|gentleman]]. The gayface they all aspire to be.
*[[George Sodini]] - Proto-Elliot. Shot up a gym because he couldn't get laid for 28 years. Was actually admired by Rodger, according to a post he made on an InCel forum.
*[[John Russell Houser]] - Shot up a movie theatre playing an [[Amy Schumer]] movie because it was full of feminists.
*[[Ben Moynihan]] - Went on a serial stabbing only a few weeks after Rodger, citing not being able to get a girlfriend as one of the reasons in his manifesto, stabbed 3 elderly people, killed none of them and went to jail.
*[[Joseph8276|Joseph Strickland]] - The [[Nice Guys|nice guy]] who [[No|deserves]] the [[Whore|pretty girls]].
*[[Brian Isaack Clyde]] - Incel who tried to shoot up the Dallas courthouse, wounding 1 before police killed him.
*[[Marjan Siklic]] - Famous online InCel who once literally proposed a government enforced programme be created to give InCels girlfriends. Threatened to and attempted to murder multiple women over a span of several years. Appeared in a documentary LoveShy.com made about themselves.
*[[Chris Harper-Mercer]] - Originator of the phrase "[[Beta Uprising]]" and known [[GamerGate|#GamerGateor]]. Robot, and therefore presumed to be an InCel.
*[[Clavicular|Braden Eric Peters]] - Arguably the most famous looksmaxxer, an infertile drug addict.

===InCel Communities===
*[[Wizardchan]] - It was literally a rule that you aren't allowed to post if you've ever had sex and at the top of the site was the number of a suicide hotline.
*[[Nice Guys]] - Not exactly a community per-se, but they still count.
*[[R9K]] - Just... sad.
*[[LoveShy.com]] - Before there was "InCel" there was "LoveShy".
*[[CoAlpha Reactionary Forum]] - A site for InCels literally trying to use evolutionary psychology to basically try to hypnotize women into wanting to sleep with them.
*[[SlutHate]] - Why would you hate your only (false) hope?
*[[PUA]] - Populated by InCels who are being tricked into believing they can be taught how to get laid by buying [[THE GAME|the book of a scam artist]] who is usually a virgin himself. Often devolve into exactly the same sort of femicide talk that all other InCel sites are full of, as they understand [[Beavis and Butthead|they will never score.]]
*[https://crackedrack.co/ CrackedRack] - Website dedicated to teaching incels how to become pussy slaying gods.
*[[PUAHate]] - Website for embittered InCels fooled into believing that the InCels at the PUA forums are getting laid.
*[[MGTOW]] - Fictitious political movement for gender separatism in protest of a bias legal system and other injustices, made up by a bunch of 40 year old virgins and wife beaters as a false pretence to excuse the fact they can't get laid.
*[[MRA]] - Most MRAs are just virgins with rage.

===Related Terms===
*[[Beta Uprising]]
*[[Loser]]
*[[Friend Zone]]
*[[Misogynist terrorism]]
*[[Ladder Theory]]
*[[Autism]]
*[[Incelcore]]
*[[Virgin with rage]]
*[[Forever alone]]
*[[Micropenis]]
*[[Fat]]
*[[Ugly]]
*[[Dying Alone]]
*[[No one likes you]]
*[[Masturbation]]
*[[Suicide]]
*[[Pill jargon]]
*[[Femcel]]

{{Dying alone}}
{{Elliot Rodger}}

{{timeline|Featured article April 21 & April 22, [[2022]]|[[Timothy McVeigh]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Alek Minassian]]}}

{{timeline|[[ED:AOTN|Featured Article]] April 11 [[2024]]|[[Genocide]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[OJ Simpson]]}}

{{timeline|Featured article March 9 & 10, [[2026]]|[[Muslim Massacre]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Jon Schweppe]]}}

[[Category:Subcultures]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]

User:Sphalerite/Sandbox

2026-06-10T22:25:32Z

Sphalerite: MANUAL MOVE IN PROGRESS

{{UserSandbox}}

Clavicular

2026-06-10T22:24:53Z

Sphalerite: Clone from sandbox

{{Aspergers}}
{{Withjews}}
{{ib|[[File:Braden_Eric_Peters.jpg|200px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Braden Eric Peters'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|December 17, 2005 ({{age|2005|12|17}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Americunt]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Ethnicity'''|[[White devils]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Gender'''|[[Male]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|[[Influencer]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Clavicular''' ([[Powerword]]: '''Braden Eric Peters''') is a pseudo-intellectual [[Americunt]] [[looksmaxxing]] [[influencer]] obsessed with drugs and destroying his skeletal structure in hopes of being attractive. After beginning his career in 2025 he since continues to persuade [[incels]] worldwide into joining him in destroying their own bodies ("[[Incel#Looksmaxxing|hardmaxxing]]") as to not feel lonely having done it, since according to him, this makes you more attractive.

==Description==
Due to his unfortunate state of being a Jew, Clav's primary focus in life is [[jewgold]]. As a result, the entirety of his content serves to produce [[consoomer]]s to purchase cheap testosterone supplements and earn a cut. While as an asspie, he is very obsessive and usually spergs out at people about his cult of looksmaxxing, this property makes this obsession dangerous to others' wallets. Furthermore, like the retard he is, he has done on numerous occasions varying retarded shit and even landed himself in jail several times. However, in both cases, his wealth and Israeli connections have gotten him out one way or another.

As described in the above section, he is extremely [[Buttsecks|deep into the rabbit hole of looksmaxxing]], having gone far further than the average incel. Because of this, he is entirely unable to speak to women. An attempt at conversation with a representative of the opposite gender usually induces an epileptic seizure, where he is partially paralyzed and temporarily adopts an alternative style of thinking. This style is colloquially known as '''Clavology''', and its study concerns the various ratios and formulae used by seasoned incels such as him for the purpose of achieving maximum attractiveness at the expense of all charisma. The course students usually pass on their path to proficiency is called the '''claviculum'''. Modern [[soyence]] is still working on the Clavological Theory of Everything and if solved, it may permanently reset the number of incels to 0.

=="Career"==
As you likely know, Clav is primarily a streamer. However, while streaming and not, he participates in the even more deranged activity known as looksmaxxing. His expertise lies in the "hardmaxxing" part, and he refers to participants of "softmaxxing" as "pussies".

In pursuit of his goals, he has taken various drugs, including but not limited to: testosterone, roids, heroin, [[weed|tetrahydrocannabinol]] and meth. This has (unsurprisingly) caused many overdoses and even been linked to his total infertility. This combined with his crippled penis is undeniable proof Clav is a Jew, and almost evidence enough to show he is a [[Mossad]] member. But wait, there's more!

As a professional Jew, he has even started a scam membership to extract gullible incels' jewgolds. If you pay him this $100/month, Clav will personally tell you to snort even moar drugs. As a non-member, the most you could get from him is [[cuckoldry|watching him inject other incels with drugs]] as a suggestion. That's right, you're paying minimum wage to be told to kill yourself. Doesn't that sound like one hell of a deal? Well, to a surprising amount of retards, it does. Interestingly, the money he gets from the membership is well-connected to his non-prescription purchases of various narcotics. Along with ripping you off, Clav gets a crack pipe to go along with it.

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, taking more drugs than food leads one to doing retarded shit. As a perfect example: his attractiveness is not exclusive to females. A Florida man innocently splashed his [[Elon Musk|Tesla]] soybertruck with a peculiar foul-smelling fluid (widely believed to be Clav's own period blood) and started dry-humping the roof. This prompted the influenza's soybertruck to [[goatse]] the intruder. [[some argue|Some sources say]] the man was killed, but in reality, he was simply framemogged by Clav. While this is a high bar to pass, there is nothing to be proud of about being an ugly piece of shit.

{| align="center" style="padding:0px;"
|<center><big>'''Start driving!'''</big></center> 
<center>[[File:Clavicular runs man over.mp4|480px]]</center>
 
{{quote|[[Yes|Is he dead?]] Hopefully.|Clav, acting like the [[sick fuck]] he is}}
|}

===Clav gets v&===
Finally, [[Partyv&|the men who glow in the dark]] have gotten hold of him. In a [[drama]]tic twist of the plot, he was not charged for the brutal framemogging by soybertruck, but for alleged possession of moar drugs and usage of a fake ID (he had inadvertently undone a recent glowup soon before then). [[Ya rly]]. Not even the FBI thought the incident was lulzy, so they promptly released Clav. This was a good choice, because he would go on to never get himself in trouble again.

===Clav gets v& 2: Electric Boogaloo===
Yes, again -- this time Clav is finally being tried for his horrible crime of ræping an innocent bystander with his low-polygon car. Not. This time around, unsurprisingly for his own monetary gain, he started a shitty fight club but instead of [[Chris Benoit|roid goblins]], women were to fight as drooling incels watched from all angles. The club was closed down after the first pair of fighters pulled the victim card and even consequently caused the second time Clav was v&.

But you would have to be a fool to believe this was the only stupid thing he'd done. It seems infighting between subhumans was not entertaining enough, because in an intelligent decision, Clav, while streaming, shot a dead Croc. It is no secret that [[IDIFTL|he did it for the lulz]], but the Gestapo is an enemy.

It is unclear whether or not his decision was driven by one of his daily-drive drugs, since nothing is certain but death and taxes, however this being true is a close third. Scientists state that [[nobody cares]] about this incident, but this is one of the rare cases where empirical evidence is entirely wrong. This is shown by the fact that for his heroic act of patriotism the reward was yet another criminal charge. He was not alone in dual-wielding a crackpipe, because this earned him 6 years in [[rape|probation]].

==The news reports==
{{quote|Clavicular almost caught a CAREER-ENDING cortisol spike after a LARPMAXXED stacy tried jesterfying him on stream by calling him a good boy while he was mid-mog between 2 LOW-TIER NORMIES at ASU😭|[[Shitter]], at its most coherent}}
{{quote|Clavicular ran into ASUs top frat leader while JesterMaxxing w gymcells and instantly CLOCKED PEAK COPE 😳

[[LOL WUT|The fratfraud leader went full UV Dodgemaxxing & Weightcopemaxxing inflating FAKE STATS to protect FRAME after being SKULLMOGGED while Clav DEEPLOCKED IN nuked cortisol stabirreversible PSL bleed BY A MILLIMETER 💀💯]]|[[Shitter]], at its slightly less}}

==Videos==
<center><big>'''Clav gets his cortisol spiked'''</big></center>
<center>{{fv|starvids|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>lhdaH-e1mBA</youtube>|<youtube>cmoSD0uCmyA</youtube>}}
</center>
{{quote|If you had the chance to [[pwn|run me over]], would you do it?|Fred Beyer to Clav, in understandable fear.}}

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Clavicular looksmin.jpg|Do I look good, chat? I bet I mog.
Image:Clavicular apology.jpg|[[Logan Paul|There has been a continuous lapse in judgement.]]
Image:Clavicular jestermaxx.jpg|I'm [[assburgers|jestermaxxing]], guys.
</gallery>

==See Also==
*[[Incel]]
*[[13-year-old]]s - his target audience
*[[Assburgers]]
*[[Dying alone]]
*[[Twomad]]
*[[Breaking Bad]] - Clav is among White's top clients

==External Links==
*{{kick|clavicular}}
*{{tiktok|kingclavicular}}
*{{kf|215991|Clav KF thread}}

{{Aspies}}
{{Drugs}}
{{Dying alone}}
{{Lolcows}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Incels]]

User:Sphalerite

2026-06-10T19:18:37Z

Sphalerite: Add contribs section

User talk:CrackRabbit

2026-06-10T18:29:24Z

Sphalerite:

<center>[[User talk:CrackRabbit/archive|'''Talk Page Archive''']]</center>

{{User:Oblique/TimeOnED|year=2012|month=08|day=08}}

{{corner|<video type="youtube" id="AdKNlGfkyhc&autoplay=1&loop=2" height="3" width="1" position="bottom|left" frame="false" />}}

{{corner|[[image:Not my fault I'm not popular - kek.jpg|148px]]}}

<div style="position:fixed; top:0; left:0">[[File:Anotheraetan.png|148px|AE]] </div>
{{tocright}}
<big>Leave messages below; newest/new ones go at the bottom, or just [https://encyclopediadramatica.online/index.php?title=User_talk:CrackRabbit&action=edit&section=new click here] to start a new one. i will reply on your talk page.</big>

== LEGIT Q ==

Do you have the pic that's like "What's all this racket..." [blah blah blah] "...it's VAPORWAVE dad..." [blah blah blah] "This is just slowed down Diana Ross faggot" [[User:Meepsheep|♥]][[User talk:Meepsheep|♥]][[Special:Contributions/Meepsheep|♥]] [[File:Irina Transparent.png|50px]] 18:39, 25 June 2014 (EDT)

== [[Vaporwave]] ==

I [[Talk:Vaporwave|thought]] we were gonna use this for the [[Portal:Music/Featured_Article|Music Portal]]? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm not seein' any lulz or e-drama in this article, and last time I checked that's the criteria for a front page Article of the Now on ED.  [[User:Sickpuppy|Sickpuppy]] [[File:Wolfpawprintalpha.png|18px|link=User_talk:Sickpuppy]] 07:21, 24 July 2014 (EDT)
:The [[Portal:Music/Featured_Article|Music Portal]] don't get any meaningful traffic and looking at the pageviews there is apparently interest in [[Vaporwave]]. [[File:Schnookums Icon3.png|32px|link=User:Schnookums]] [{{SERVER}}/index.php?title=User_talk:Schnookums&action=edit&section=new reply] 02:44, 25 July 2014 (EDT)
:i never at anytime suggested to use it on a portal. 
:{{greentext|> I'm not seein' any lulz or e-drama}} 
:1) its not my fault you dont get ironic satire. u prob think lil b and the onion are serious/true. 2)this site covers memes and internet phenommna too and vaporwave could be classified as both, seeing as it is an internet subculture on its own, and a genre. figgot. <nowiki>>:^(</nowiki>--[[File:Desu walk.gif|60px|link=User:CrackRabbit]][[User_talk:CrackRabbit|'''Talk to me''']]'''|'''[[Special:Contributions/CrackRabbit|'''Contribs''']] 01:13, 26 July 2014 (EDT)

::The only portal (befittingly) at the bottom of that article is Music, and that's exactly where it got featured. If you can get the boss's permission to allow ED's image to be sacrificed in favor of promoting your favorite obscure music genre, lmk and we'll feature it as AOTN. Otherwise I'm gonna continue doing my job of overseeing the main page.  [[User:Sickpuppy|Sickpuppy]] [[File:Wolfpawprintalpha.png|18px|link=User_talk:Sickpuppy]] 01:39, 26 July 2014 (EDT)

{{quote|1=We don't restore incorrectly set AOTNs by "user request" because said user is in yer circle jerk, dude. People are interested in an *ED article* about Vaporwave, not one that jerks its peen. Don't try to make it sound like yer actions were anything but you helping out yer online friend, and don't let these "friendships" cause ya to forget what ED is about. I won't waste my time getting into an edit war over it, so finish the fuckin' job and add a timeline to the end of [[Vaporwave]] and complete the one for [[Clarence]]. Like ya said back when we used to IRC, you and I are nothing alike.|2=[https://encyclopediadramatica.es/index.php?title=User_talk%3ASchnookums&action=historysubmit&diff=659105&oldid=657779 Sickpuppy]}}

He must be trolling us because there is no way he could be taking an AOTN so seriously. Also didn't you ask Meepsheep to restore that page but he was away? I saw your request hours later and took care of it. [[File:Schnookums Icon3.png|32px|link=User:Schnookums]] [{{SERVER}}/index.php?title=User_talk:Schnookums&action=edit&section=new reply] 04:22, 26 July 2014 (EDT)

:Yes of course you can set it as AOTN, don't take shit from anyone. --[[User:Mantequilla|Mantequilla]] [[User_talk:Mantequilla|(talk)]] 17:20, 26 July 2014 (EDT)

::{{like|[[User:Schnookums|Schnookums]]}} 01:17, 27 July 2014 (EDT)

== featured article ==

lol rip{{User:Dbaggins/Template:Sig}} 18:06, 24 July 2014 (EDT)

== RE:user request ==

I've restored [[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now/August 4, 2014|Article of the Now/August 4]]. [[File:Schnookums Icon3.png|32px|link=User:Schnookums]] [{{SERVER}}/index.php?title=User_talk:Schnookums&action=edit&section=new reply] 02:38, 25 July 2014 (EDT)

== k ==

Still put them on talk page,right?--[[User:Boudica|Boudica]] 00:21, 29 September 2014 (EDT)

== re:yo ==

You can message me in IRC. I'm just leveling a druid for the upcoming World of Warcraft expansion but I am not going anywhere. [[File:Schnookums Icon3.png|32px|link=User:Schnookums]] [{{SERVER}}/index.php?title=User_talk:Schnookums&action=edit&section=new reply] 12:12, 29 September 2014 (EDT)

==Query==
Do you disagree with any criticism of Phil or are you just doing some kind of ad hominem revert. I want to know if you plan to do this based on content or if you plan to revert all my edits. [[File:TI.jpg|15px|link=User talk:T]] 01:52, 26 November 2014 (EST)

== Site Notice ==

I'll put it up, tell me verbatim how you want it to go--[[User:Boudica|Boudica]] 22:03, 3 December 2014 (EST)

== yes hello ==

what exactly is your problem now? --[[User:Mantequilla|Mantequilla]] [[User_talk:Mantequilla|(talk)]] 16:04, 13 December 2014 (EST)

== please elaborate ==

Get back to me and elaborate more on that. All i got was that someone has a pic (?) On you. I can't have people threatening or blackmailing my staff and even if u don't coke back it would help out future staff, not to mention me and ed in general. Get back to me please and give me a please with the whole story so i can fix whatever the problem is so it doesn't happen again. You were a valued member of this website and if someone is pulling some shit like i think they are pulling i want to know. Please hit me back and let me know. --[[User:Mantequilla|Mantequilla]] [[User_talk:Mantequilla|(talk)]] 18:33, 14 December 2014 (EST)

== Thanks for those corrections in [[Pigchan]] ==

My grammar sucks donkey balls :( --[[User:LmaoZedong|LmaoZedong]] 27th January 2015

== How do I apply for an EDitor? ==

I noticed you left that comment on my page, and I was just wondering. --[[User:MAjOrA|MAjOrA]] Febuary 14, 11:32 AM

== Afrofag ==

Did you happen to see what [[Encyclopedia_Dramatica:Video_of_the_Now/February_20,_2015|your hero]] recently did?
<youtube>9ocg4GgVoUQ</youtube>
 [[User:Vermin|Vermin]]  [[File:vermin-rat.jpg|25px|link=User:Vermin/Personal_fap_vault]]  [[File:Information_icon.png|20px|link=User:Vermin/Disclaimer]] 11:12, 19 February 2015 (EST)
yeah, he thought she was a heckler, and didnt realize she was a female. not the first time he's attacked a fan who climbed on stage. he threw some guy off stage in december, but it didn't make news bc the person he threw off was MALE. he's seeking rehab for his anxiety, tho imo its pobably the weed paranoia. besides its a well known fact that you dont climb on stage at a concert. ironically, i logged in to post his apology as a VOTN lol.--[[File:Desu walk.gif|60px|link=User:CrackRabbit]][[User_talk:CrackRabbit|'''Talk to me''']]'''|'''[[Special:Contributions/CrackRabbit|'''Contribs''']] 11:10, 20 February 2015 (EST)

:Lol, nice. Someone at work had told me this had happened before I read about it on EDF. When I heard Afroman, I immediately thought of you and your VOTNs. [[User:Vermin|Vermin]]  [[File:vermin-rat.jpg|25px|link=User:Vermin/Personal_fap_vault]]  [[File:Information_icon.png|20px|link=User:Vermin/Disclaimer]] 13:33, 20 February 2015 (EST)

== liar ==

I am not. 09:09, 1 March 2015 (EST)

== liar ==

I am not. 09:09, 1 March 2015 (EST)

== Patlalrique‎ ==

would you QOTN that? thx [[File:Schnookums Icon3.png|32px|link=User:Schnookums]] [{{SERVER}}/index.php?title=User_talk:Schnookums&action=edit&section=new reply] 18:54, 3 April 2015 (EDT)

== Miyazaki Article ==

Regarding the article, naturally any about cartoons or anime will have a gallery of rule 34. I uploaded the "safe" ones, but seeing as most of Ghibli's films' protagonists are 14 and under, I was just wondering if uploading 34 of them would be inadvisable. --[[User:Cloudsoda|Cloudsoda]] 02:19, 4 April 2015 (EDT)

== dildomail ==

hi: drop me a line and i will send you a temp password which will then need to be changed at the webmail interface at mail.dildomail.com, or have Meepsheep drop me a line if you can't. :^) -''[[user talk:hipcrime|hipcrime]]'' [[File:Emote Pop tart cat.gif|link=user:hipcrime]] 18:06, 17 July 2015 (EDT)
*or, pm me on IRC after i'm done smokin a cig. :) -''[[user talk:hipcrime|hipcrime]]'' [[File:Emote Pop tart cat.gif|link=user:hipcrime]] 00:40, 19 July 2015 (EDT)

== Sysop ==

Congrats nigga. [[File:LKCustomSig.jpg|25px|link=User:LulzKiller]] ([[User talk:LulzKiller|talk]]) 13:43, 23 November 2015 (EST)
:He's had admin before, but he took some time off. {{user:NKO/sig}} 13:57, 23 November 2015 (EST)
::Congrats, dude! You deserve it (apparently again:)! - [[User:Zew0|Zew0]] 19:33, 27 November 2015 (EST)

== VOTN ==

Remember to add videos to the [[VOTN]] page when you add one to a date kthx. I'm assuming you just forgot, cuz you should know that by now. --[[User:Mantequilla|Mantequilla]] [[User_talk:Mantequilla|(talk)]] [[File:Mantequilla.png|25px|link=Special:Contributions/Mantequilla]] 20:48, 28 November 2015 (EST)
::sorry, i just forgot.--[[File:Desu walk.gif|60px|link=User:CrackRabbit]][[User_talk:CrackRabbit|'''Talk to me''']]'''|'''[[Special:Contributions/CrackRabbit|'''Contribs''']] 19:19, 29 November 2015 (EST)

== Bans ==

{{quote|(show/hide) 18:46, November 27, 2015 CrackRabbit ræped Lolyunohavgudsoftware with an expiry time of 3 days (account creation disabled, e-mail blocked, cannot edit own talk page) ‎ (STOP FUCKING ADDING CATEGORIES FOR EVERY PIC, STOP MAKING NEW USELESS CATEGORIES) }}
 
Talk to someone if you have a problem with what they are doing, don't just ban our most active users for stupid shit. This is why you keep losing ur ops. And also consult with me, hal, ilovejesus69 or schnookums before you ban anyone higher than the regular user group. --[[User:Mantequilla|Mantequilla]] [[User_talk:Mantequilla|(talk)]] [[File:Mantequilla.png|25px|link=Special:Contributions/Mantequilla]] 02:32, 29 November 2015 (EST)

{{quote|before you ban anyone higher than the regular user group}}

: if someone is a regular user and they contribute on a regular basis or have been around for a while, please consult with us anyways. [[File:Weasel avatar2.png|32px|link=User:Schnookums]] [{{SERVER}}/index.php?title=User_talk:Schnookums&action=edit&section=new reply] 05:52, 29 November 2015 (EST)

*Did I offend you? You have only been editing one day a month since I said this to you. --[[User:Mantequilla|Mantequilla]] [[User_talk:Mantequilla|(talk)]] [[File:Mantequilla.png|25px|link=Special:Contributions/Mantequilla]] 10:53, 25 January 2017 (EST)
:no? idk why you would think that... havent had as much time to edit as i used to, and my computer wasnt working. got a new macbook so now ill be editing moar.--[[File:Desu walk.gif|60px|link=User:CrackRabbit]][[User_talk:CrackRabbit|'''Talk to me''']]'''|'''[[Special:Contributions/CrackRabbit|'''Contribs''']] 11:08, 25 January 2017 (EST)
::Ah ok, just making sure. I drove a few people off a couple/few months ago after I quit drinking and broke up with adezero. My brain is confusing people apparently lol. --[[User:Mantequilla|Mantequilla]] [[User_talk:Mantequilla|(talk)]] [[File:Mantequilla.png|25px|link=Special:Contributions/Mantequilla]] 11:21, 25 January 2017 (EST)

==Why Are You Taking Out The Placeholders==
I'm working on that right now, digging through hundreds of articles is slow though, it's taking me a couple hours to find each one. --[[User:Spiders|Spiders]] 22:05, 8 March 2016 (EST)
::no need for placeholders on a mainspace article really... if it causes u 2 sperg out so bad, use the <nowiki></nowiki> markup shit so that ppl reading the article dont have to see a bunch of unrelated non-content.--[[File:Desu walk.gif|60px|link=User:CrackRabbit]][[User_talk:CrackRabbit|'''Talk to me''']]'''|'''[[Special:Contributions/CrackRabbit|'''Contribs''']] 22:16, 8 March 2016 (EST)

Mainspace article? LOL WUT, 18 hours ago it was a random stub with one paragraph about some random animoo shit. I'm literally working on this right now, I am actually in the direct process of editing the stub and turning it into an actual article. It's like you're reversing someone's edits as they're in the process of editing an article. LOL Why don't you do something constructive and help me find the FaceBook link to the Star Wars toy break dance article. Or go screen cap one of the Kanye "Twitter updates" (preferably one of them that has funny comments). Seriously do you know how many shit articles Wired craps out in a day? Trying to find a specific piece of polished turd within the mountain of crap isn't easy. You could add some more text too. --[[User:Spiders|Spiders]] 22:44, 8 March 2016 (EST)

: [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/index.php?title=Special:Contributions&limit=500&target=CrackRabbit this] should find something better to do than bother [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/index.php?title=Special:Contributions&limit=500&target=Spiders this] person. he can use all the placeholders he wants i don't care. [[File:Weasel avatar2.png|32px|link=User:Schnookums]] [{{SERVER}}/index.php?title=User_talk:Schnookums&action=edit&section=new reply] 09:27, 9 March 2016 (EST)

== Tomoko ==

I see you must like her, Watamote is an interesting anime, but I don't see her connection to America. Surely, if anything, Captain America would fit in. Tomoko is Japanese... technically. [[User:Anoned|Anoned]] 03:25, 15 October 2016 (EDT)

== Portals ==

Hey, I don't mean to be rude but you forgot to add [[Gab.ai]] to the Social Media featured article archive (I did it for you), try to remember next time. [[User:Wonka's Wild Willy|OOMPA LOOMPA ]][[User Talk:Wonka's Wild Willy| WORK FACTORY]] 12:46, 30 January 2017 (EST)

== New Right==
TL;DR Sibin flushed it, because he hates kebab. {{archive|ahrVp|There only exists this shitty archive}} 
But it is so bad, you shouldn't use anything from it. [[File:Cobalt Cat.jpg|25px]] [[user:Cobaltcat|CobaltCat]] 15:42, 11 February 2017 (EST)

== Hi ==
{{approve4|contributing stuff}}

keep writing more shit for ED man -[[File:Swasikasig.jpg|25px|link=User:AlGore]] ([[User talk:AlGore|Al Gore]]) 16:27, 16 February 2017 (EST)

== u SUCK ==

<nowiki>:3</nowiki> [[User:Meepsheep|♥]][[User talk:Meepsheep|♥]][[Special:Contributions/Meepsheep|♥]] [[File:The best girl there ever was.png|25px]] 01:43, 3 March 2017 (EST)

== cl0r0x ==

You give Clorox back to me right now you motherfucker. Her and I should have had children now. Also, "asexual" isn't even a thing you jerkoff douchebag. _ [[User:Zew0|Zew0]] 22:02, 30 April 2017 (EDT)
:Um yeah, sorry, I have delusions now and then. Basically what I told you on Twitter. Sorry, dude. - [[User:Zew0|Zew0]] 16:35, 1 May 2017 (EDT)

== Can you protect all Mr.Enter related articles? ==

These dickriders have been going insane, so maybe protecting the articles will probably make them give up and cry in the corner like a bitchy baby. --[[User:Niglord|Monkey Lord]] [[User talk:Niglord|heil me]] [[file:Crackhead_nigga.png|40px|link=Special:Contributions/Niglord]] 16:56, 30 March 2020 (UTC)

== [[AmericanDad86]] ==
Could you look at deleting this shitty attack article? It's about some random-ass obscure nignog who was on Wikipedia for a couple months and reads like autistic sperging because it is. [[User:2nd Go|2nd Go]] ([[User talk:2nd Go|talk]]) 17:56, 8 May 2020 (UTC)
:You made an account just to tell us to delete this article. It will stay up. [[User:Zagan|Zagan]] [[User talk:Zagan|(talk)]] 19:42, 9 May 2020 (UTC)

== thumbnails ==

why are you uploading thumbnails of these pics? arent the full images available from the 2017 archive?-[[User:Boudica|Boudica]] ([[User talk:Boudica|talk]]) 05:59, 7 July 2020 (UTC)

==hello==
Thanks for helping out with GPK, got a few days free now so intend to get more done myself; going to take a look at 'video nasty' but I seem to remember it being a pain in the arse formatting the first time around, the images are all easily replaced though. [[User:MJ3.0|MJ3.0]] ([[User talk:MJ3.0|talk]]) 00:07, 23 July 2020 (UTC)

== Can I join the restoration Team. ==

PLeez.
::[[User:Viril.Feline.Wyyzrd|'''Da Wyyzrd''']]

== The Jews did WTC gif is missing. We need to get it back. ==

Hey CrackRabbit, could you please ad back the JewsdidWTC Gif back?
:[[User:Viril.Feline.Wyyzrd|'''Da Wyyzrd''']]

==Good Job==
{{approve2|the restoration work}}
You're a real champ, champ! [[User:.wil|.wil]] [[File:Gondola.gif|60px|link=User talk:.wil]] 07:06, 11 May 2021 (EDT)

== Question... ==

Is it true that your lips are painted orange with the tanning spray from Donald Trump's cock? -[[User:J3wzus|Jewzus Christ]] ([[User talk:J3wzus|Talk]]) 05:44 (EDT)

== Quick Question... ==

Why do you hate Onideus so much? [[User:Reverberator|Reverberator]] ([[User talk:Reverberator|Talk]]) 01:43 10 june 2021 (EDT)

== Re:The Goverment would never become tyrannical.jpg ==

"The title "File talk:Clown Makeup meme - The Goverment would never become tyrannical.jpg" [[OY VEY|has been banned from creation]]. It matches the following blacklist entry: ^.{71,}$" [[File:Dancing Spiderman.gif]] [[User:Dancing Spiderman|Dancing Spiderman]]

== Apparently Junius Thaddeus killed himself. ==

He apparently couldn't deal with some gay shit and now he's dead. Rest in piss faggot. [[File:420 Weed Joint.gif|45px]] [[User:Dr. Weed|'''Dr. Weed''']] [[File:Ganjasphere.gif|32px]] [[User talk:Dr. Weed|'''(Talk)''']] [[File:Ganjasphere.gif|32px]] [[Special:Contributions/Dr. Weed|'''(Contribs)''']] [[File:420 Weed Joint.gif|45px]] 2:15 14 July 2021 (ECT)

== Archive ==

A few months ago I saw that you were asking me if I still had the archive I used to restore ED back in 2011 but due to how crap ED.wiki was I couldn't reply and now that it's nuked it doesn't matter anyway.
I still had the link to the archive in my old user discussions but I don't know if it can help restore an ED that is messed up beyond 2015 as most old articles seem to be intact. Also you are all a bunch of tards for letting this happen again btw. :-)

http://www.archive.org/download/2010-01-encyclopedia-dramatica/encyclopedia.dramatica.2010.01.13.rar

[[User_talk:DekoMan91|DekoMan91]] [[image:Dekoman_signature01.png|40px]] 15:06, 26 July 2021 (EDT)

== Validity of [https://encyclopediadramatica.online/Geoshea Geoshea's article] ==

Hello CrackRabbit, there is a recent article here for a guy who did nothing beyond RP with a girl online, and draw some silly hentai pictures featuring fictional cartoon characters and post them on a site full of similar content, the drama seems to be that there is a four year age gap between the two of them, though this never seemed to bother anyone while they were 'dating', anyway their ''cyber''lationship ended badly and the girl KBOS cried paedo, which somehow triggered all of the people who know both of them to turn against Geoshea, and this is meat or rather ''spam'' of his article here, that he is some kind of malicious cyberpaedo who grooms girls.

Anyway make of that what you will, but it looks like that entire ''faux''asco was fabricated entirely out of ''almost'' nothing by KBOS and her cronies, while Geoshea sat there grumbling and then later whimpering, so really the article should be either deleted or renamed to something regarding KBOS and her pot-stirring, with the content rephrased to reflect this, anyway there should at least be ''both'' the {watch} and {emo} banners at the top of the article.

Now I did actually put those two banners at the top of the article, but there is a user MarioMario456 who seems to be in disagreement with this despite not personally having had anything to do with the event, and rather than start an edit war I decided to try and discuss this same topic here with him, but he does not seem interested and would rather just [https://encyclopediadramatica.online/User_talk:TabbyGarf#Ban_this_user_and_protect_this_page edit war and request that my profile here be banned] because he falsely believes that I have a biased perspective on this, anyway you can see [https://encyclopediadramatica.online/User_talk:MarioMario456#Geoshea.27s_article our quick chat on his discussion page] which links to other relevant info. [[User:Freighttrain|Freighttrain]] ([[User talk:Freighttrain|talk]]) 20:38, 3 August 2021 (EDT)

:I am friends with CircleyDoesExtracter. Also per my standards Geoshea is a pedo due to the 4 year age gap between him and KBOS. He is also a huge sick fuck as he once sent cum pics to some other girl, this time again with the same age gap. —[[User:MarioMario456|Mario]][[User talk:MarioMario456|Mario]][[Special:Contributions/MarioMario456|456]] 21:11, 3 August 2021 (EDT)

::Hello Mario, I don't know who the Circley person you mentioned is, I imagine they had something to do with Geoshea/KBOS, and again the four-year age gap doesn't really sell it, and aside from that it isn't anyone else's business who Geoshea sends pictures of his alleged semen too, I'm sure many people with similar age gaps have been doing this kind of thing over the internet for a while now, just on this occasion it has been blown out of proportion and people are behaving as if they've never heard of sex before, I don't think it would look good for ED's standards to appear as a starving African by keeping up an article as petty as that. [[User:Freighttrain|Freighttrain]] ([[User talk:Freighttrain|talk]]) 21:42, 3 August 2021 (EDT)

:::Circley is a huge hater of Geoshea. Plus, I am perfectly fine with people making CP of fictional characters (it's alright in the US and in my country), but when he [[pedophile|grooms a real person with a 4 year age gap]] (KBOS was a minor), that's when the shit hits the fan. That's common sense. —[[User:MarioMario456|Mario]][[User talk:MarioMario456|Mario]][[Special:Contributions/MarioMario456|456]] 21:50, 3 August 2021 (EDT)

::::No that's just blind legislation which is ''not'' your responsibility, a four year age gap is nothing and you have to look at the context, KBOS could be many times more sexually experienced and manipulative/malicious than Geoshea, and it appears that this may have been the case, anyway I go over this point in more depth on [https://ficreation.miraheze.org/wiki/User_talk:Geoshea#A_letter_from_KMF%2FCatPeople Geoshea's discussion page on Ficreation], also Geoshea was not 'grooming' anyone, that would imply he had the intention of subjecting them to abusive or exploitative behaviour, such as sexual abuse or human trafficking, as far as I can tell they were just getting their rocks off together which again is no one else's business, KBOS even says they were boyfriend and girlfriend. [[User:Freighttrain|Freighttrain]] ([[User talk:Freighttrain|talk]]) 22:05, 3 August 2021 (EDT)

:::::Even if he "apologized", he grooming KBOS and another girl proves otherwise. This time you might even get the banhammer since you are acting like a whiteknight of his. Plus, [https://ficreation.miraheze.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/Freighttrain you're a Ficreatard] so I'm 99.9% sure you're whiteknighting Geoshea. —[[User:MarioMario456|Mario]][[User talk:MarioMario456|Mario]][[Special:Contributions/MarioMario456|456]] 22:14, 3 August 2021 (EDT)

::::::Again he wasn't grooming anyone, that is something else entirely, he was just getting his rocks off with them, and I'm not Geoshea's 'white knight', I just use his wiki for my blog and I am making sure that I will not have to reupload hundreds of blog images to yet another site, though '''no''' I am ''not'' a Ficreatard, I can tell you haven't seen [https://ficreation.miraheze.org/wiki/User:Freighttrain my blog] yet.

::::::Anyway I think we should just let CrackRabbit reply, don't you. [[User:Freighttrain|Freighttrain]] ([[User talk:Freighttrain|talk]]) 22:39, 3 August 2021 (EDT)

:OK, maybe post on the TJC? And say I referred the case to the others to help decide on? Seems like a big situation - and I'm not the one to decide for everyone else, despite having been involved with ED and its community since its' .se domain/incarnation. --[[File:Desu walk.gif|60px|link=User:CrackRabbit]][[User_talk:CrackRabbit|'''Talk to me''']]'''|'''[[Special:Contributions/CrackRabbit|'''Contribs''']] 03:51, 5 August 2021 (EDT)

::Hello CrackRabbit and thank you for your reply, I've posted it in the TJC as you suggested. [[User:Freighttrain|Freighttrain]] ([[User talk:Freighttrain|talk]]) 04:15, 5 August 2021 (EDT)

== Fag ==

<nowiki>{{Megafaggot}}</nowiki>

[[User:C0ccwavz|cwavz]]〔[[User_talk:C0ccwavz|Talk]]〕★10:16 6 August 2021 (EDT)★

== Yo fgt ==

why do some many images of yours keep on Picture of the now? the memes aren't even that funny [[User:Thegibuspyro|Thegibuspyro]] ([[User talk:Thegibuspyro|talk]])
:Because he's one of the few that keeps up with it, fggt. [[User:Umkemesik|UMK]] [[File:UMK.gif|50px|link=User talk:Umkemesik]] [[Special:Contributions/Umkemesik|✎]][[Special:ListAdmins|♛]] 02:37, 25 October 2021 (EDT)
::Then I'll finna be the few that updates it then [[User:Thegibuspyro|Thegibuspyro]] ([[User talk:Thegibuspyro|talk]]) 23:16, 10 November 2021 (EST)
:::Unless it's during halloween; which in that case, the dumb cunt will probably delete it. [[User:Somethingfaggy]] 23:26 11 November 2021.

== Archive ==

Thanks for keeping the XOTN up to date. Please be sure to update the XOTN Archives when you add the XOTN. [[User:Umkemesik|UMK]] [[File:UMK.gif|50px|link=User talk:Umkemesik]] [[Special:Contributions/Umkemesik|✎]][[Special:ListAdmins|♛]] 02:37, 25 October 2021 (EDT)

== Improved Signature... ==

--[[File:Desu cock.png|75px|link=User:CrackRabbit]][[User_talk:CrackRabbit|'''Talk to me''']]'''|'''[[Special:Contributions/CrackRabbit|'''Contribs''']]

You like it? [[User:Gaylo|Gaylo]] 01:20 23 November 2021
:Interesting take... --[[File:Desu walk.gif|60px|link=User:CrackRabbit]][[User_talk:CrackRabbit|'''Talk to me''']]'''|'''[[Special:Contributions/CrackRabbit|'''Contribs''']] 11:37, 27 January 2022 (EST)

== Set XOTN Titles ==

Remember to do it faggot. Let's get the new year started right, I took care of the POTN titles you set already thanks. [[User:Umkemesik|UMK]] [[File:UMK.gif|50px|link=User talk:Umkemesik]] [[Special:Contributions/Umkemesik|✎]][[Special:ListAdmins|♛]] 02:54, 3 January 2022 (EST)

== Hey hey cracky ==

It's a friend of yours from [[twatter|shitter]]...

Could you drop your email so that you and I can still talk? [[User:Irvington|Irvington]]
:Btw, be alert cracky, cause the retarded mods will get me confused for someone else.

== This is for you ==
{{Catgirl}}

Keep up the good work, Crack.
—[[File:Tails Holding An Emerald.png|50px]] [[User:Glitchedblood|Glitchedblood]] ([[User talk:Glitchedblood|talk]]) 15:42, 18 March 2022 (PT)

== Hey Cracky ==

Please get on the forum so I can have a one on one convo with you please. [[User:Viril.Feline.Wyyzrd|VFW]] 14:34 22 March 2021 (ECT)

== Hey CrackRabb; like you, like ed, wanna keep up with you and ed. ==

You know what your email is? [[User:Basedguy|Basedguy]] ([[User talk:Basedguy|talk]]) 05:52, 20 May 2022 (EDT)

== hy ==

your userpage sucks cocks [[shit_no_one_cares_about |on mobile]]

>:3

--[[Homicide|Homicide]] [[Image:Michigan j kip.gif|50px|link=User_Talk:Homicide]] 20:43, 27 August 2022 (EDT)

== RE: Sup fam ==

I'm p good, just been bored lately, and along with h64 and some others I thought it would be fun to get back into editing a bit [[User:Meepsheep|Meepsheep]] ([[User talk:Meepsheep|talk]]) 11:06, 15 February 2023 (EST)
:Sure, I'll take a crack at it when I finish a few articles I'm working on/planning to work on [[User:Meepsheep|Meepsheep]] ([[User talk:Meepsheep|talk]]) 09:47, 20 February 2023 (EST)

== Hide And Seek POTN ==

I'm thinking of making that my Christmas card this year but I do have some people in my family that I could use it as a birthday card.

[[User:The PolishPrince|The PolishPrince]] ([[User talk:The PolishPrince|talk]]) 13:04, 26 May 2023 (EDT)

== RE: Joey R ==

Long term would def love to contribute. Short term have been pretty busy irl and trying to find more time for online leisure, but ya [[User:Meepsheep|Meepsheep]] ([[User talk:Meepsheep|talk]]) 23:46, 9 June 2023 (EDT)

== [[:File:Rocking Chick.png|what kinda fuckin pedo shit is this?]] ==

Answer me you bitch. [[File:VFW-icon.png|32px]]<big>[[User:Viril.Feline.Wyyzrd|'''VF.Wyyzrd''']]([[User Talk:Viril.Feline.Wyyzrd|'''T''']] - [[Special:Contributions/Viril.Feline.Wyyzrd|'''C''']])</big> 01:29, 8 July 2023 (EDT)
:This is his way of asking for the sauce so he can add it to his collection. [[User:Haha Yes|Haha Yes]] ([[User talk:Haha Yes|talk]]) 01:35, 9 July 2023 (EDT)
[[File:SHUT IT DOWN.jpg|450px]]

[[File:VFW-icon.png|32px]]<big>[[User:Viril.Feline.Wyyzrd|'''VF.Wyyzrd''']]([[User Talk:Viril.Feline.Wyyzrd|'''T''']] - [[Special:Contributions/Viril.Feline.Wyyzrd|'''C''']])</big> 01:40, 9 July 2023 (EDT)

:I'm not hearing you deny it... [[User:Haha Yes|Haha Yes]] ([[User talk:Haha Yes|talk]]) 01:46, 9 July 2023 (EDT)
::What now is going on? I don't see how some woman in a bikini rockin' out is "p-do"....--[[image:DUSEDUSE CrackRabb Signature icon.png|60px|link=User:CrackRabbit]][[User:CrackRabbit|CrackRabbit]] '''|''' [[User_talk:CrackRabbit|'''Talk to me''']]'''|'''[[Special:Contributions/CrackRabbit|'''Contribs''']] 06:48, 10 July 2023 (EDT)

** The pic is to super deformed to get an age. I have yet to meet a girl whose head is as big as her torso.
Man. I wonder how thick a girl's neck would have to be if that was real life.
[[User:The PolishPrince|The PolishPrince]] ([[User talk:The PolishPrince|talk]]) 07:30, 10 July 2023 (EDT)

== How are you today? ==

:) [[User:Thegibuspyro|Thegibuspyro]] ([[User talk:Thegibuspyro|talk]])

== You should check your forum account more often ==

The registrations on the wiki have been closed for a while (because kaizen was too lazy to re-enable them after a ban-evading vandal) so nowadays wiki accounts are created by sending PMs to wiki admins on the forums asking them for a wiki account. You should have one or more unread PMs asking for wiki accounts, try to read them all. [[User:MarioMario456|MarioMario456]] ([[User talk:MarioMario456|Talk to me]] | [[Special:Contributions/MarioMario456|My contributions]]) 16:57, 16 December 2023 (EST)

== Oops ==

I forgot how suicide inducing that Bing and Bowie song is. I'd have to let you shoot me if I put up "Last Christmas".

There's a game that goes with "Last Christmas" because it gets played so much. If you hear it 5 times, covers count, you lost Christmas. I lost 3 days after Thanksgiving.

[[User:The PolishPrince|The PolishPrince]] ([[User talk:The PolishPrince|talk]]) 14:08, 18 December 2023 (EST)

== Nice signature ==

Hi, Rabbit. I wanted to let you know your signature looks nice. [[User:CurtainMan|CurtainMan]] ([[User talk:CurtainMan|talk]]) 16:29, 24 January 2024 (EST)

== User Rights ==

So when we turn on the moderation queue only editors and above are normally unmoderated. However, you or any other admin can go to Special Pages -> User Rights and set unmoderated privs to regular (non-editor) users. The moderation queue not only prevents vandalism, but it allows for quality control. I will pass this info on to the other admins. [[User:Admin|Admin]] ([[User talk:Admin|talk]]) 01:40, 19 September 2024 (UTC)

== EDitor ==

Hello. Can you please make me an EDitor? [[User:HamasDidNothingWrong|HamasDidNothingWrong]] ([[User talk:HamasDidNothingWrong|talk]]) 10:21, 18 October 2024 (UTC)

== Full list of “Threats” ==

You know that thing that lists all the threats. I know there’s some shit that’s missing. Could you please use your severe wiki autism to collect all the missing threats? [[File:VFW-icon.png|32px]]<big>[[User:Viril.Feline.Wyyzrd|'''VF.Wyyzrd''']]([[User Talk:Viril.Feline.Wyyzrd|'''T''']] - [[Special:Contributions/Viril.Feline.Wyyzrd|'''C''']])</big> 05:44, 10 March 2025 (UTC)

== Feel free to delete ==

Please [[Special:DeletePage/Christian_Persch|delete ''Christian Persch'']] for now. I will create a better version later. Thank you. --[[User:Yooco|Yooco]] ([[User talk:Yooco|talk]]) 12:38, 19 March 2025 (UTC)

== Wiped Out Whathtrnynnty ==

He was making pages over 100,000 characters and some pages said they linked to CP, so to be on the safe side, I just nuked him because he might have slipped CP in somewhere.
[[User:The PolishPrince|The PolishPrince]] ([[User talk:The PolishPrince|talk]]) 00:28, 31 March 2025 (UTC)

== Pictures ==

Good and noble sir, i'm probably repeating what you already know, since you are so wise, but we have a problem with pictures loading.

It seems like articles will post pics on the intro of the article but wont load them after that.

I thank my most benevolant lord for taking yhe time to read this.

[[User:The PolishPrince|The PolishPrince]] ([[User talk:The PolishPrince|talk]]) 15:33, 21 October 2025 (UTC)

== Naomi Seibt ==

If our blonde darling engages in more stupidity or lulz I'm going to make her a page and have a small info paragraph on her and put in a redirect on the [[Greta Thunberg|Greta Thundercunt]] page

[[User:The PolishPrince|The PolishPrince]] ([[User talk:The PolishPrince|talk]]) 00:42, 31 October 2025 (UTC)

* I added some "Sources" to the Elon Musk part of the Naoiki seibt article so we can't be sued

[[User:The PolishPrince|The PolishPrince]] ([[User talk:The PolishPrince|talk]]) 02:16, 31 October 2025 (UTC)

== loud channel ==

this was deathnoticed by the bna tag a while ago. but you're staff and can delete it. so wanted to ask if you want to un-bna it and tag it with something else, or flush. [[User:H64|h64]] ([[User talk:H64|talk]]) 20:02, 26 December 2025 (UTC)
:nvm i removed the bna tag, no longer deathnoticed [[User:H64|h64]] ([[User talk:H64|talk]]) 22:29, 4 January 2026 (UTC)

== whitedate ==

thanks for the FA on the sites portal [[User:H64|h64]] ([[User talk:H64|talk]]) 22:30, 4 January 2026 (UTC)

== The Boy Who Was Unalived ==

Please tell me that that book was self published.
I can't see a publisher printing a book, like that, for such a small, niche market.

[[User:The PolishPrince|The PolishPrince]] ([[User talk:The PolishPrince|talk]]) 01:12, 9 January 2026 (UTC)

== I'll put the source in now ==

It can be found [https://www.inquisitr.com/encyclopedia-dramatica-gone-for-good here] and [https://www.themarysue.com/encyclopedia-dramatica-ohinternet/ here]

[[User:The PolishPrince|The PolishPrince]] ([[User talk:The PolishPrince|talk]]) 17:21, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

* Sorry.😞 It slipped my mind. Won't happen again. I posted the source on the QOTN
[[User:The PolishPrince|The PolishPrince]] ([[User talk:The PolishPrince|talk]]) 17:30, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

** Went to [http://archive.is/riLil archive] the page but it already was archived

[[User:The PolishPrince|The PolishPrince]] ([[User talk:The PolishPrince|talk]])

== Funny ==

I got suspended for a day from <big>'''X,'''</big> because I made a post about how to get rid of evidence reguarding attacking someone with a bat in a post about someone, in a video, talking about putting socks on a bat before you attack someone.

''I was framed''

[[User:The PolishPrince|The PolishPrince]] ([[User talk:The PolishPrince|talk]]) 00:15, 12 February 2026 (UTC)

== SpicDummy isn't taking it well lmao ==

He removed your death notices from [[İsa Aras Mersinli]] and [[Mohammed Merah]]. - [[User:Paul in the Mall|Paul in the Mall]] ([[User talk:Paul in the Mall|talk]]) 02:04, 25 April 2026 (UTC)
:See [[User:DinkDummy#My Shooting Creation]] for more pages that shouldn't exist. - [[User:Paul in the Mall|Paul in the Mall]] ([[User talk:Paul in the Mall|talk]]) 01:32, 10 May 2026 (UTC)

== iran totn ==

see my post in tjc [[User:H64|h64]] ([[User talk:H64|talk]]) 22:58, 8 May 2026 (UTC)

== Misspelled XOTNS ==

Sorry thought I could help. Should've realised that would've only given you more work to do by having to delete them. But anyways, there's a few more misspelled XOTNS:

* [[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Ariticle of the Now/January 11, 2026]]
* [[Encyclopedia Daramatica:Picture of the Now/May 9, 2026]]
* [[Encyclopedia Daramatica:Picture of the Now/May 10, 2026]]
* [[Encyclopedia Daramatica:Picture of the Now/May 14, 2026]]
* [[Encyclopedia Daramatica:Picture of the Now/May 15, 2026]]

— [[User:PooF9|PooF9]] ([[User Talk:PooF9|Talk]] | [[Special:Contributions/PooF9|Contribs]]) 15:47, 12 May 2026 (UTC)

== RE: Hey how you been fam ==

I'm good.--[[User:Rvdog815|Rvdog815]] ([[User_talk:Rvdog815|talk]] | [[Special:Contributions/Rvdog815|contribs]]) 00:37, 18 May 2026 (UTC)

== How Do You Move Page Out Of BNA? ==

I did a lot of work on [[No Kings]] and wanted to move it out of BNA.

Oh, give me a topic. I can't find anything interesting in the news. It's either about Iran or {{Jew}}Israel{{Jew}}

Powerball is worth 225 million. If I hit, after taxes, I can get my 1972 Ferrari Daytona and my 1967 Pontiac GTO Ram Air convertable. The GTO might cost more than the Ferrari because only 56 convertable Ram Airs were made.

[[User:The PolishPrince|The PolishPrince]] ([[User talk:The PolishPrince|talk]]) 02:52, 9 June 2026 (UTC)

==Review sandboxed page for movement==
Hello, I saw your request in Needed/Proposed Articles and also thought Clavicular should have a page. [[User:Sphalerite/Sandbox|I recently started one]] (as my first) and have fleshed it out to some extent, with help from EDF. Please review its current state and either move it to the main space or tell me what else it is lacking. Kthx ---- [[User:Sphalerite|Sphalerite]] ([[User talk:Sphalerite|talk]]) 18:29, 10 June 2026 (UTC)

User:Sphalerite/Sandbox

2026-06-10T18:20:04Z

Sphalerite: Clav WIP: add vidya of soybertruck incident

{{UserSandbox}}

{{Aspergers}}
{{Withjews}}
{{ib|[[File:Braden_Eric_Peters.jpg|200px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Braden Eric Peters'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|December 17, 2005 ({{age|2005|12|17}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Americunt]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Ethnicity'''|[[White devils]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Gender'''|[[Male]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|[[Influencer]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Clavicular''' ([[Powerword]]: '''Braden Eric Peters''') is a pseudo-intellectual [[Americunt]] [[looksmaxxing]] [[influencer]] obsessed with drugs and destroying his skeletal structure in hopes of being attractive. After beginning his career in 2025 he since continues to persuade [[incels]] worldwide into joining him in destroying their own bodies ("[[Incel#Looksmaxxing|hardmaxxing]]") as to not feel lonely having done it, since according to him, this makes you more attractive.

==Description==
Due to his unfortunate state of being a Jew, Clav's primary focus in life is [[jewgold]]. As a result, the entirety of his content serves to produce [[consoomer]]s to purchase cheap testosterone supplements and earn a cut. While as an asspie, he is very obsessive and usually spergs out at people about his cult of looksmaxxing, this property makes this obsession dangerous to others' wallets. Furthermore, like the retard he is, he has done on numerous occasions varying retarded shit and even landed himself in jail several times. However, in both cases, his wealth and Israeli connections have gotten him out one way or another.

As described in the above section, he is extremely [[Buttsecks|deep into the rabbit hole of looksmaxxing]], having gone far further than the average incel. Because of this, he is entirely unable to speak to women. An attempt at conversation with a representative of the opposite gender usually induces an epileptic seizure, where he is partially paralyzed and temporarily adopts an alternative style of thinking. This style is colloquially known as '''Clavology''', and its study concerns the various ratios and formulae used by seasoned incels such as him for the purpose of achieving maximum attractiveness at the expense of all charisma. The course students usually pass on their path to proficiency is called the '''claviculum'''. Modern [[soyence]] is still working on the Clavological Theory of Everything and if solved, it may permanently reset the number of incels to 0.

=="Career"==
As you likely know, Clav is primarily a streamer. However, while streaming and not, he participates in the even more deranged activity known as looksmaxxing. His expertise lies in the "hardmaxxing" part, and he refers to participants of "softmaxxing" as "pussies".

In pursuit of his goals, he has taken various drugs, including but not limited to: testosterone, roids, heroin, [[weed|tetrahydrocannabinol]] and meth. This has (unsurprisingly) caused many overdoses and even been linked to his total infertility. This combined with his crippled penis is undeniable proof Clav is a Jew, and almost evidence enough to show he is a [[Mossad]] member. But wait, there's more!

As a professional Jew, he has even started a scam membership to extract gullible incels' jewgolds. If you pay him this $100/month, Clav will personally tell you to snort even moar drugs. As a non-member, the most you could get from him is [[cuckoldry|watching him inject other incels with drugs]] as a suggestion. That's right, you're paying minimum wage to be told to kill yourself. Doesn't that sound like one hell of a deal? Well, to a surprising amount of retards, it does. Interestingly, the money he gets from the membership is well-connected to his non-prescription purchases of various narcotics. Along with ripping you off, Clav gets a crack pipe to go along with it.

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, taking more drugs than food leads one to doing retarded shit. As a perfect example: his attractiveness is not exclusive to females. A Florida man innocently splashed his [[Elon Musk|Tesla]] soybertruck with a peculiar foul-smelling fluid (widely believed to be Clav's own period blood) and started dry-humping the roof. This prompted the influenza's soybertruck to [[goatse]] the intruder. [[some argue|Some sources say]] the man was killed, but in reality, he was simply framemogged by Clav. While this is a high bar to pass, there is nothing to be proud of about being an ugly piece of shit.

{| align="center" style="padding:0px;"
|<center><big>'''Start driving!'''</big></center> 
<center>[[File:Clavicular runs man over.mp4|480px]]</center>
 
{{quote|[[Yes|Is he dead?]] Hopefully.|Clav, acting like the [[sick fuck]] he is}}
|}

===Clav gets v&===
Finally, [[Partyv&|the men who glow in the dark]] have gotten hold of him. In a [[drama]]tic twist of the plot, he was not charged for the brutal framemogging by soybertruck, but for alleged possession of moar drugs and usage of a fake ID (he had inadvertently undone a recent glowup soon before then). [[Ya rly]]. Not even the FBI thought the incident was lulzy, so they promptly released Clav. This was a good choice, because he would go on to never get himself in trouble again.

===Clav gets v& 2: Electric Boogaloo===
Yes, again -- this time Clav is finally being tried for his horrible crime of ræping an innocent bystander with his low-polygon car. Not. This time around, unsurprisingly for his own monetary gain, he started a shitty fight club but instead of [[Chris Benoit|roid goblins]], women were to fight as drooling incels watched from all angles. The club was closed down after the first pair of fighters pulled the victim card and even consequently caused the second time Clav was v&.

But you would have to be a fool to believe this was the only stupid thing he'd done. It seems infighting between subhumans was not entertaining enough, because in an intelligent decision, Clav, while streaming, shot a dead Croc. It is no secret that [[IDIFTL|he did it for the lulz]], but the Gestapo is an enemy.

It is unclear whether or not his decision was driven by one of his daily-drive drugs, since nothing is certain but death and taxes, however this being true is a close third. Scientists state that [[nobody cares]] about this incident, but this is one of the rare cases where empirical evidence is entirely wrong. This is shown by the fact that for his heroic act of patriotism the reward was yet another criminal charge. He was not alone in dual-wielding a crackpipe, because this earned him 6 years in [[rape|probation]].

==The news reports==
{{quote|Clavicular almost caught a CAREER-ENDING cortisol spike after a LARPMAXXED stacy tried jesterfying him on stream by calling him a good boy while he was mid-mog between 2 LOW-TIER NORMIES at ASU😭|[[Shitter]], at its most coherent}}
{{quote|Clavicular ran into ASUs top frat leader while JesterMaxxing w gymcells and instantly CLOCKED PEAK COPE 😳

[[LOL WUT|The fratfraud leader went full UV Dodgemaxxing & Weightcopemaxxing inflating FAKE STATS to protect FRAME after being SKULLMOGGED while Clav DEEPLOCKED IN nuked cortisol stabirreversible PSL bleed BY A MILLIMETER 💀💯]]|[[Shitter]], at its slightly less}}

==Videos==
<center><big>'''Clav gets his cortisol spiked'''</big></center>
<center>{{fv|starvids|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>lhdaH-e1mBA</youtube>|<youtube>cmoSD0uCmyA</youtube>}}
</center>
{{quote|If you had the chance to [[pwn|run me over]], would you do it?|Fred Beyer to Clav, in understandable fear.}}

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Clavicular looksmin.jpg|Do I look good, chat? I bet I mog.
Image:Clavicular apology.jpg|[[Logan Paul|There has been a continuous lapse in judgement.]]
Image:Clavicular jestermaxx.jpg|I'm [[assburgers|jestermaxxing]], guys.
</gallery>

==See Also==
*[[Incel]]
*[[13-year-old]]s - his target audience
*[[Assburgers]]
*[[Dying alone]]
*[[Twomad]]
*[[Breaking Bad]] - Clav is among White's top clients

==External Links==
*{{kick|clavicular}}
*{{tiktok|kingclavicular}}
*{{kf|215991}}

{{aspies}}
{{drugs}}
{{dying alone}}

File:Clavicular runs man over.mp4

2026-06-10T18:08:46Z

Sphalerite: Braden Eric Peters runs a man over with a Tesla Cybertruck and is hoping he died.

== Summary ==
Braden Eric Peters runs a man over with a Tesla Cybertruck and is hoping he died.

User:Sphalerite/Sandbox

2026-06-10T18:02:01Z

Sphalerite: Clav WIP: add vidya

{{UserSandbox}}

{{Aspergers}}
{{Withjews}}
{{ib|[[File:Braden_Eric_Peters.jpg|200px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Braden Eric Peters'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|December 17, 2005 ({{age|2005|12|17}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Americunt]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Ethnicity'''|[[White devils]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Gender'''|[[Male]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|[[Influencer]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Clavicular''' ([[Powerword]]: '''Braden Eric Peters''') is a pseudo-intellectual [[Americunt]] [[looksmaxxing]] [[influencer]] obsessed with drugs and destroying his skeletal structure in hopes of being attractive. After beginning his career in 2025 he since continues to persuade [[incels]] worldwide into joining him in destroying their own bodies ("[[Incel#Looksmaxxing|hardmaxxing]]") as to not feel lonely having done it, since according to him, this makes you more attractive.

==Description==
Due to his unfortunate state of being a Jew, Clav's primary focus in life is [[jewgold]]. As a result, the entirety of his content serves to produce [[consoomer]]s to purchase cheap testosterone supplements and earn a cut. While as an asspie, he is very obsessive and usually spergs out at people about his cult of looksmaxxing, this property makes this obsession dangerous to others' wallets. Furthermore, like the retard he is, he has done on numerous occasions varying retarded shit and even landed himself in jail several times. However, in both cases, his wealth and Israeli connections have gotten him out one way or another.

As described in the above section, he is extremely [[Buttsecks|deep into the rabbit hole of looksmaxxing]], having gone far further than the average incel. Because of this, he is entirely unable to speak to women. An attempt at conversation with a representative of the opposite gender usually induces an epileptic seizure, where he is partially paralyzed and temporarily adopts an alternative style of thinking. This style is colloquially known as '''Clavology''', and its study concerns the various ratios and formulae used by seasoned incels such as him for the purpose of achieving maximum attractiveness at the expense of all charisma. The course students usually pass on their path to proficiency is called the '''claviculum'''. Modern [[soyence]] is still working on the Clavological Theory of Everything and if solved, it may permanently reset the number of incels to 0.

=="Career"==
As you likely know, Clav is primarily a streamer. However, while streaming and not, he participates in the even more deranged activity known as looksmaxxing. His expertise lies in the "hardmaxxing" part, and he refers to participants of "softmaxxing" as "pussies".

In pursuit of his goals, he has taken various drugs, including but not limited to: testosterone, roids, heroin, [[weed|tetrahydrocannabinol]] and meth. This has (unsurprisingly) caused many overdoses and even been linked to his total infertility. This combined with his crippled penis is undeniable proof Clav is a Jew, and almost evidence enough to show he is a [[Mossad]] member. But wait, there's more!

As a professional Jew, he has even started a scam membership to extract gullible incels' jewgolds. If you pay him this $100/month, Clav will personally tell you to snort even moar drugs. As a non-member, the most you could get from him is [[cuckoldry|watching him inject other incels with drugs]] as a suggestion. That's right, you're paying minimum wage to be told to kill yourself. Doesn't that sound like one hell of a deal? Well, to a surprising amount of retards, it does. Interestingly, the money he gets from the membership is well-connected to his non-prescription purchases of various narcotics. Along with ripping you off, Clav gets a crack pipe to go along with it.

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, taking more drugs than food leads one to doing retarded shit. As a perfect example: his attractiveness is not exclusive to females. A Florida man innocently splashed his [[Elon Musk|Tesla]] soybertruck with a peculiar foul-smelling fluid (widely believed to be Clav's own period blood) and started dry-humping the roof. This prompted the influenza's soybertruck to [[goatse]] the intruder. [[some argue|Some sources say]] the man was killed, but in reality, he was simply framemogged by Clav. While this is a high bar to pass, there is nothing to be proud of about being an ugly piece of shit.

===Clav gets v&===
Finally, [[Partyv&|the men who glow in the dark]] have gotten a hold of him. In a [[drama]]tic twist of the plot, he was not charged for the brutal framemogging by soybertruck, but for alleged possession of moar drugs and usage of a fake ID (he had inadvertently undone a recent glowup soon before then). [[Ya rly]]. Not even the FBI thought the incident was lulzy, so they promptly released Clav. This was a good choice, because he would go on to never get himself in trouble again.

===Clav gets v& 2: Electric Boogaloo===
Yes, again -- this time Clav is finally being tried for his horrible crime of ræping an innocent bystander with his low-polygon car. Not. This time around, unsurprisingly for his own monetary gain, he started a shitty fight club but instead of [[Chris Benoit|roid goblins]], women were to fight as drooling incels watched from all angles. The club was closed down after the first pair of fighters pulled the victim card and even consequently caused the second time Clav was v&.

But you would have to be a fool to believe this was the only stupid thing he'd done. It seems infighting between subhumans was not entertaining enough, because in an intelligent decision, Clav, while streaming, shot a dead Croc. It is no secret that [[IDIFTL|he did it for the lulz]], but the Gestapo is an enemy.

It is unclear whether or not his decision was driven by one of his daily-drive drugs, since nothing is certain but death and taxes, however this being true is a close third. Scientists state that [[nobody cares]] about this incident, but this is one of the rare cases where empirical evidence is entirely wrong. This is shown by the fact that for his heroic act of patriotism the reward was yet another criminal charge. He was not alone in dual-wielding a crackpipe, because this earned him 6 years in [[rape|probation]].

==The news reports==
{{quote|Clavicular almost caught a CAREER-ENDING cortisol spike after a LARPMAXXED stacy tried jesterfying him on stream by calling him a good boy while he was mid-mog between 2 LOW-TIER NORMIES at ASU😭|[[Shitter]], at its most coherent}}
{{quote|Clavicular ran into ASUs top frat leader while JesterMaxxing w gymcells and instantly CLOCKED PEAK COPE 😳

[[LOL WUT|The fratfraud leader went full UV Dodgemaxxing & Weightcopemaxxing inflating FAKE STATS to protect FRAME after being SKULLMOGGED while Clav DEEPLOCKED IN nuked cortisol stabirreversible PSL bleed BY A MILLIMETER 💀💯]]|[[Shitter]], at its slightly less}}

==Videos==
<center><big>'''Clav gets his cortisol spiked'''</big></center>
<center>{{fv|starvids|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>lhdaH-e1mBA</youtube>|<youtube>cmoSD0uCmyA</youtube>}}
</center>
{{quote|If you had the chance to [[pwn|run me over]], would you do it?|Fred Beyer to Clav, in understandable fear.}}

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Clavicular looksmin.jpg|Do I look good, chat? I bet I mog.
Image:Clavicular apology.jpg|[[Logan Paul|There has been a continuous lapse in judgement.]]
Image:Clavicular jestermaxx.jpg|I'm [[assburgers|jestermaxxing]], guys.
</gallery>

==See Also==
*[[Incel]]
*[[13-year-old]]s - his target audience
*[[Assburgers]]
*[[Dying alone]]
*[[Twomad]]
*[[Breaking Bad]] - Clav is among White's top clients

==External Links==
*{{kick|clavicular}}
*{{tiktok|kingclavicular}}
*{{kf|215991}}

{{aspies}}
{{drugs}}
{{dying alone}}

User:Sphalerite/Sandbox

2026-06-10T12:52:28Z

Sphalerite: Clav WIP: add moar shit again

{{UserSandbox}}

{{Aspergers}}
{{Withjews}}
{{ib|[[File:Braden_Eric_Peters.jpg|200px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Braden Eric Peters'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|December 17, 2005 ({{age|2005|12|17}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Americunt]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Ethnicity'''|[[White devils]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Gender'''|[[Male]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|[[Influencer]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Clavicular''' ([[Powerword]]: '''Braden Eric Peters''') is a pseudo-intellectual [[Americunt]] [[looksmaxxing]] [[influencer]] obsessed with drugs and destroying his skeletal structure in hopes of being attractive. After beginning his career in 2025 he since continues to persuade [[incels]] worldwide into joining him in destroying their own bodies ("[[Incel#Looksmaxxing|hardmaxxing]]") as to not feel lonely having done it, since according to him, this makes you more attractive.

==Description==
Due to his unfortunate state of being a Jew, Clav's primary focus in life is [[jewgold]]. As a result, the entirety of his content serves to produce [[consoomer]]s to purchase cheap testosterone supplements and earn a cut. While as an asspie, he is very obsessive and usually spergs out at people about his cult of looksmaxxing, this property makes this obsession dangerous to others' wallets. Furthermore, like the retard he is, he has done on numerous occasions varying retarded shit and even landed himself in jail several times. However, in both cases, his wealth and Israeli connections have gotten him out one way or another.

As described in the above section, he is extremely [[Buttsecks|deep into the rabbit hole of looksmaxxing]], having gone far further than the average incel. Because of this, he is entirely unable to speak to women. An attempt at conversation with a representative of the opposite gender usually induces an epileptic seizure, where he is partially paralyzed and temporarily adopts an alternative style of thinking. This style is colloquially known as '''Clavology''', and its study concerns the various ratios and formulae used by seasoned incels such as him for the purpose of achieving maximum attractiveness at the expense of all charisma. The course students usually pass on their path to proficiency is called the '''claviculum'''. Modern [[soyence]] is still working on the Clavological Theory of Everything and if solved, it may permanently reset the number of incels to 0.

=="Career"==
As you likely know, Clav is primarily a streamer. However, while streaming and not, he participates in the even more deranged activity known as looksmaxxing. His expertise lies in the "hardmaxxing" part, and he refers to participants of "softmaxxing" as "pussies".

In pursuit of his goals, he has taken various drugs, including but not limited to: testosterone, roids, heroin, [[weed|tetrahydrocannabinol]] and meth. This has (unsurprisingly) caused many overdoses and even been linked to his total infertility. This combined with his crippled penis is undeniable proof Clav is a Jew, and almost evidence enough to show he is a [[Mossad]] member. But wait, there's more!

As a professional Jew, he has even started a scam membership to extract gullible incels' jewgolds. If you pay him this $100/month, Clav will personally tell you to snort even moar drugs. As a non-member, the most you could get from him is [[cuckoldry|watching him inject other incels with drugs]] as a suggestion. That's right, you're paying minimum wage to be told to kill yourself. Doesn't that sound like one hell of a deal? Well, to a surprising amount of retards, it does. Interestingly, the money he gets from the membership is well-connected to his non-prescription purchases of various narcotics. Along with ripping you off, Clav gets a crack pipe to go along with it.

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, taking more drugs than food leads one to doing retarded shit. As a perfect example: his attractiveness is not exclusive to females. A Florida man innocently splashed his [[Elon Musk|Tesla]] soybertruck with a peculiar foul-smelling fluid (widely believed to be Clav's own period blood) and started dry-humping the roof. This prompted the influenza's soybertruck to [[goatse]] the intruder. [[some argue|Some sources say]] the man was killed, but in reality, he was simply framemogged by Clav. While this is a high bar to pass, there is nothing to be proud of about being an ugly piece of shit.

===Clav gets v&===
Finally, [[Partyv&|the men who glow in the dark]] have gotten a hold of him. In a [[drama]]tic twist of the plot, he was not charged for the brutal framemogging by soybertruck, but for alleged possession of moar drugs and usage of a fake ID (he had inadvertently undone a recent glowup soon before then). [[Ya rly]]. Not even the FBI thought the incident was lulzy, so they promptly released Clav. This was a good choice, because he would go on to never get himself in trouble again.

===Clav gets v& 2: Electric Boogaloo===
Yes, again -- this time Clav is finally being tried for his horrible crime of ræping an innocent bystander with his low-polygon car. Not. This time around, unsurprisingly for his own monetary gain, he started a shitty fight club but instead of [[Chris Benoit|roid goblins]], women were to fight as drooling incels watched from all angles. The club was closed down after the first pair of fighters pulled the victim card and even consequently caused the second time Clav was v&.

But you would have to be a fool to believe this was the only stupid thing he'd done. It seems infighting between subhumans was not entertaining enough, because in an intelligent decision, Clav, while streaming, shot a dead Croc. It is no secret that [[IDIFTL|he did it for the lulz]], but the Gestapo is an enemy.

It is unclear whether or not his decision was driven by one of his daily-drive drugs, since nothing is certain but death and taxes, however this being true is a close third. Scientists state that [[nobody cares]] about this incident, but this is one of the rare cases where empirical evidence is entirely wrong. This is shown by the fact that for his heroic act of patriotism the reward was yet another criminal charge. He was not alone in dual-wielding a crackpipe, because this earned him 6 years in [[rape|probation]].

==The news reports==
{{quote|Clavicular almost caught a CAREER-ENDING cortisol spike after a LARPMAXXED stacy tried jesterfying him on stream by calling him a good boy while he was mid-mog between 2 LOW-TIER NORMIES at ASU😭|[[Shitter]], at its most coherent}}
{{quote|Clavicular ran into ASUs top frat leader while JesterMaxxing w gymcells and instantly CLOCKED PEAK COPE 😳

[[LOL WUT|The fratfraud leader went full UV Dodgemaxxing & Weightcopemaxxing inflating FAKE STATS to protect FRAME after being SKULLMOGGED while Clav DEEPLOCKED IN nuked cortisol stabirreversible PSL bleed BY A MILLIMETER 💀💯]]|[[Shitter]], at its slightly less}}

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Clavicular looksmin.jpg|Do I look good, chat? I bet I mog.
Image:Clavicular apology.jpg|[[Logan Paul|There has been a continuous lapse in judgement.]]
Image:Clavicular jestermaxx.jpg|I'm [[assburgers|jestermaxxing]], guys.
</gallery>

==See Also==
*[[Incel]]
*[[13-year-old]]s - his target audience
*[[Assburgers]]
*[[Dying alone]]
*[[Twomad]]
*[[Breaking Bad]]

==External Links==
*{{kick|clavicular}}
*{{tiktok|kingclavicular}}
*{{kf|215991}}

{{aspies}}
{{drugs}}
{{dying alone}}

File:Clavicular jestermaxx.jpg

2026-06-10T12:21:48Z

Sphalerite: Braden Eric Peters is having lots of fun as the court jester.

== Summary ==
Braden Eric Peters is having lots of fun as the court jester.

File:Clavicular apology.jpg

2026-06-10T12:19:44Z

Sphalerite: Braden Eric Peters getting ready to pose for his apology video. What a sick fuck.

== Summary ==
Braden Eric Peters getting ready to pose for his apology video. What a sick fuck.

File:Clavicular looksmin.jpg

2026-06-10T12:17:08Z

Sphalerite: Braden Eric Peters looking real good.

== Summary ==
Braden Eric Peters looking real good.

User:Sphalerite/Sandbox

2026-06-10T12:14:57Z

Sphalerite: Clav WIP: add moar sections and moar content

{{UserSandbox}}

{{Aspergers}}
{{Withjews}}
{{ib|[[File:Braden_Eric_Peters.jpg|200px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Braden Eric Peters'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|December 17, 2005 ({{age|2005|12|17}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Americunt]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Ethnicity'''|[[White devils]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Gender'''|[[Male]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|[[Influencer]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Clavicular''' ([[Powerword]]: '''Braden Eric Peters''') is a pseudo-intellectual [[Americunt]] [[looksmaxxing]] [[influencer]] obsessed with drugs and destroying his skeletal structure in hopes of being attractive. After beginning his career in 2025 he since continues to persuade [[incels]] worldwide into joining him in destroying their own bodies ("[[Incel#Looksmaxxing|hardmaxxing]]") as to not feel lonely having done it, since according to him, this makes you more attractive.

==Description==
Due to his unfortunate state of being a Jew, Clav's primary focus in life is [[jewgold]]. As a result, the entirety of his content serves to produce [[consoomer]]s to purchase cheap testosterone supplements and earn a cut. While as an asspie, he is very obsessive and usually spergs out at people about his cult of looksmaxxing, this property makes this obsession dangerous to others' wallets. Furthermore, like the retard he is, he has done on numerous occasions varying retarded shit and even landed himself in jail several times. However, in both cases, his wealth and Israeli connections have gotten him out one way or another.

As described in the above section, he is extremely [[Buttsecks|deep into the rabbit hole of looksmaxxing]], having gone far further than the average incel. Because of this, he is entirely unable to speak to women. An attempt at conversation with a representative of the opposite gender usually induces an epileptic seizure, where he is partially paralyzed and temporarily adopts an alternative style of thinking. This style is colloquially known as '''Clavology''', and its study concerns the various ratios and formulae used by seasoned incels such as him for the purpose of achieving maximum attractiveness at the expense of all charisma. The course students usually pass on their path to proficiency is called the '''claviculum'''. Modern [[soyence]] is still working on the Clavological Theory of Everything and if solved, it may permanently reset the number of incels to 0.

=="Career"==
As you likely know, Clav is primarily a streamer. However, while streaming and not, he participates in the even more deranged activity known as looksmaxxing. His expertise lies in the "hardmaxxing" part, and he refers to participants of "softmaxxing" as "pussies".

In pursuit of his goals, he has taken various drugs, including but not limited to: testosterone, roids, heroin, [[weed|tetrahydrocannabinol]] and meth. This has (unsurprisingly) caused many overdoses and even been linked to his total infertility. This combined with his crippled penis is undeniable proof Clav is a Jew, and almost evidence enough to show he is a [[Mossad]] member. But wait, there's more!

As a professional Jew, he has even started a scam membership to extract gullible incels' jewgolds. If you pay him this $100/month, Clav will personally tell you to snort even moar drugs. As a non-member, the most you could get from him is [[cuckoldry|watching him inject other incels with drugs]] as a suggestion. That's right, you're paying minimum wage to be told to kill yourself. Doesn't that sound like one hell of a deal? Well, to a surprising amount of retards, it does. Interestingly, the money he gets from the membership is well-connected to his non-prescription purchases of various narcotics. Along with ripping you off, Clav gets a crack pipe to go along with it.

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, taking more drugs than food leads one to doing retarded shit. As a perfect example: his attractiveness is not exclusive to females. A Florida man innocently splashed his [[Elon Musk|Tesla]] soybertruck with a peculiar foul-smelling fluid (widely believed to be Clav's own period blood) and started dry-humping the roof. This prompted the influenza's soybertruck to [[goatse]] the intruder. [[some argue|Some sources say]] the man was killed, but in reality, he was simply framemogged by Clav. While this is a high bar to pass, there is nothing to be proud of about being an ugly piece of shit.

===Clav gets v&===
Finally, [[Partyv&|the men who glow in the dark]] have gotten a hold of him. In a [[drama]]tic twist of the plot, he was not charged for the brutal framemogging by soybertruck, but for alleged possession of moar drugs and usage of a fake ID (he had inadvertently undone a recent glowup soon before then). [[Ya rly]]. Not even the FBI thought the incident was lulzy, so they promptly released Clav. This was a good choice, because he would go on to never get himself in trouble again.

===Clav gets v& 2: Electric Boogaloo===
Yes, again -- this time Clav is finally being tried for his horrible crime of ræping an innocent bystander with his low-polygon car. Not. This time around, unsurprisingly for his own monetary gain, he started a shitty fight club but instead of [[Chris Benoit|roid goblins]], women were to fight as drooling incels watched from all angles. The club was closed down after the first pair of fighters pulled the victim card and even consequently caused the second time Clav was v&.

But you would have to be a fool to believe this was the only stupid thing he'd done. It seems infighting between subhumans was not entertaining enough, because in an intelligent decision, Clav, while streaming, shot a dead Croc. It is no secret that [[IDIFTL|he did it for the lulz]], but the Gestapo is an enemy.

Scientists state that [[nobody cares]] about this incident, but this is one of the rare cases where empirical evidence is entirely wrong. This is shown by the fact that for his heroic act of patriotism the reward was yet another criminal charge. It is unclear whether or not his decision was driven by one of his daily-drive drugs, since nothing is certain but death and taxes, however this being true is a close third. He was not alone in dual-wielding a crackpipe, because this earned him 6 years in [[rape|probation]].

==Gallery==
todo: add

==See Also==
*[[Incel]]
*[[13-year-old]]s - his target audience
todo: add

==External Links==
todo: add

todo: add cats and series

Arapahoe High School Shooting

2026-06-10T08:25:44Z

Sphalerite: Deathnotice for irrelevant TCC article. See "ED is not..."

{{Deathnotice|TCC page with no Internets relevance. 08:25, 10 June 2026 (UTC)}}
{| style="background: #EFEFEF; border: 2px solid black; margin: 0 auto 10px auto; width: 100%; max-width: 600px;"
| [[File:moreselfpwnagepls.gif|width=150px]]
|margin: 0 auto 10px auto: style="text-align: center; font-family: sans-serif; font-weight: bold; font-size: 16px; color: red;" | Lose an iPod? This page contains an hero.
|}
{| class="infobox" style="border: 1px solid #aaaaaa; background-color: #f9f9f9; color: black; float: right; clear: right; margin: 0 0 1em 1em; width: 275px; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"
|-

| colspan="2" style="text-align: center; background-color: #ffffff; padding: 8px 8px 0 8px;" | [[File:Karl Pierson mug.jpg|255px]]

|
|-
! colspan="2" style="background-color: #cccccc; text-align: center; font-size: 16px; padding: 4px; font-weight: bold;" | Karl Pierson
|-

| style="font-weight: bold; padding: 4px;" | Born || style="padding: 4px;" | September 3, 1995
|-

| style="font-weight: bold; padding: 4px;" | Died || style="padding: 4px;" | December 13, 2013 (aged 18)
|-

| style="font-weight: bold; padding: 4px;" | Nationality || style="padding: 4px;" | [[Americunt]] [[File:MiniflagUSA.png|20px]]
|-

| style="font-weight: bold; color: #0033cc; padding: 4px;" | Highscore || style="padding: 4px;" | [[fail|Killed 1, injured 0]]
|-

| style="font-weight: bold; padding: 4px;" | Top 50? || style="padding: 4px;" | Not even close
|-

| style="font-weight: bold; padding: 4px;" | Style || style="padding: 4px;" | [[Fire Emblem]], [[FPS]], Single player
|-

| style="font-weight: bold; color: #0033cc; padding: 4px;" | An Hero? || style="padding: 4px;" | Yes
|-

| style="font-weight: bold; padding: 4px;" | Motive || style="padding: 4px;" | [[shit nobody cares about|Getting kicked off the debate team]]
|}

'''Karl Halverson Pierson'''{{Communist}}Was a [[communist|commie]] who on December 13th, got [[Butthurt|butthurt]] about getting booted off the debate team and decided to go [[postal]] pwning 1 [[wimmin]] and commiting [[an hero]] in the library. Before that he grabbed a shirt that says [[Commie|"CCCP"]], some bandoliers strapped across his waist and chest and some black cargo pants with a tactical backpack before he hit the [[school|battlefield]]. He showed up to school with one target in mind, the debate team teacher (who was also a librarian at the time), Karl wrote a latin phrase on his arm that says [[autist|"Alea iacta est" (The die is cast)]]. Showed up to school, got out of his car in his tacticool gear, didn't even think about concealing his shotgun and stormed the library, [[dumbass|fired shots through the hallway]] screaming the debate teachers name, the autistic psycho then entered the library where he shot [[fail|his one and only victim]] Clare in the back of the head, because he was to retarded to conceal his shotgun, one of the [[pig|resource officers]] rushed to the library where karl finally [[an hero|met his end]] with the attack only lasting [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|80 seconds]]

[[File:gty_arapahoe_high_school_ll_131217_16x9_992.jpg|left|400px]]

{| class="wikitable" style="width: 100%; max-width: 800px; margin: 10px auto; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"
|-
! colspan="2" style="background-color: #f2f2f2; text-align: center; font-size: 15px; padding: 6px;" | Class Setup
|-
! style="width: 35%; background-color: #f2f2f2; text-align: center; padding: 5px;" | Item
! style="background-color: #f2f2f2; text-align: center; padding: 5px;" | Accessories/Bonus
|-
|

* '''Primary:''' Stevens model 320
:[[File:Timur_Shotgun.jpg|150px|center]]
|
* A cheap pump-action shotgun using 12-gauge rounds.
|-
|
* '''Thrown:''' Molotov
:[[File:GTA4IconsMolotov.png|80px|center]]
|
* only one used
|-
|
* '''Melee:''' Machete
:[[file:GTA4IconsMachete.png|90px|center]]
|
* Unused
|-

__TOC__

== Aftermath ==
Claire suffered severe head trauma from the shotgun blast to the head and later died on december 21.

This got little to [[fail|no attention]]. [[shit nobody cares about|Nobody cared about this]], even [[gun control]] retards who couldn't give a shit even if they wanted to.
== Graded Score ==
{{GradedScore
| 1 = 1
| 2 = Barely did the bare minimum
| 3 = 4
| 4 = Horrible
| 5 = 6
| 6 = failed to kill his target
| 7 = 3
| 8 = none
| 9 = 2
| 10 = for actually getting a kill
| 11 = 16
| 12 = F-
}}

{| style="background: linear-gradient(to bottom, #0044cc 0%, #3399ff 100%); border: 2px solid black; border-radius: 8px; width: 100%; max-width: 500px; margin: 10px auto; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; text-align: center; color: black; padding: 10px; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-

| style="font-size: 24px; font-weight: bold; padding: 10px 0;" | Wanted Level:
|-[[

| style="border-top: 2px solid #002266; border-bottom: 2px solid #002266; font-size: 32px; padding: 15px 0; color: white;" | [[File:40px-Wantedstar.png|50px]]
|-

| style="padding: 15px 0 5px 0;" | [[File:wanted1mallcop.png |200px]]
|-

| style="font-size: 20px; font-weight: bold; padding-top: 5px;" | Mall Cop
|}

== Gallery ==
<gallery>
File:199052771 016f11e9-821f-43aa-897b-9e97a212ae59.jpg| [[So cash]]
File:199052771_81cd2eca-d582-495f-9421-4fabf7e7574c.png|The face of a [[retard]]
File:199052771_ae08279a-03c0-4774-af36-0531f011e124.png|School Photo of [[Autist|Karl]]
File:121758073_138712356232.jpg|
File:199052771_c62e6282-67a3-4106-85f3-53de6b5a4fe8.jpeg|Him with his dad
</gallery>
== See Also ==
[[Communism]]

[[Columbine Copycats]]

[[Jewnited States of Americunts]]

[[An Hero]]
== External Links ==
https://www.cnn.com/2013/12/14/us/colorado-school-gunman-karl-pierson

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/colorado-school-shooter-wrote-latin-phrase-classroom-numbers-his-arm-flna2d11763463

Michael Jackson

2026-06-10T07:12:42Z

Sphalerite: Mild clean-up. This will not save the page, rewrite necessary IMO.

{{spoiler|THE BIOPIC WORKED AND NOW ZOOMERS THINK HE DIDN'T FUCK KIDS}}
{{spoiler|[http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32542682/ns/entertainment-music/ MICHAEL JACKSON WAS MURDERED]}}
{{cleanup}}
<div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; right:0">[[Image:Hanson exploitable fixed.png|50px]] </div>
{{Epstein}}
[[Image:Thehorror.jpg|thumb|right|[[Perfection Girl|YOU ARE FAPPING TO A DEAD GUY, ENJOY!]]]]
[[Image:Pedojackson.jpg|thumb|[[Star Wars|The student must now become the master...]]]]
[[Image:diana napolis.jpg|thumb|right|Computer generated approximation of what [[Michael Jackson]] would look like at 50 had he stayed black.]]

{{quote|<big>'''>:/'''</big>|[[Joseph Fritzl]]}}
'''Michael Jackson'''{{Boylover}}, or '''Wacko Jacko''' was a 50-year-old (if not dead, would've been a {{age|1958|08|29}}-year old) Albino [[manchild]] and alleged pedofag from the northwestern part of [[Indiana]] that is literally almost near [[Chicago]] who found fame and fortune as a homosexual pederast and so became a poster boy for [[NAMBLA]]. He could also sing and dance like an organ grinder's monkey. Born as a small black boy into a large family of singing and dancing chimps, he eventually struck out on his own to [[Carlton|turn into a white]] [[tranny]] version of Diana Ross, travel around the world [[shotacon|luring young boys]], monkeys and [[Birdman|Elephant Men]] to slumber parties at his very own castle, Neverland, and to prove once and for all that when [[buttsecks|the big hand touches the little hand]], it's time to get the fuck right outta there!

On June 25th, 2009 Wacko Jacko was [[buttsecks|playing doctor]] with his personal aesthetician after a hard day rehearsing for an upcoming tour and after nagging the shit out of the poor IRL doctor about not being able to sleep, keeled over from an overdose of the hospital-grade elephant tranquilliser Diprivan (or "[[drugs|milk]]" to Jacko). Yes, that's right, [[great justice]] finally had its day as Jackson was put down by the [[death|Grim Ræper]] for being the [[pedobear|damn dirty ape]] he is via lethal injection. Jackson's highly polished exo-skeleton will be stuffed with robotics and placed on display at Disney's Hall of Presidents.

Long rumoured to be the leading cause of ejaculations in [[underage ban]]s, it wasn't until 2003 that the long arm of the law touched Jacko inappropriately when one of his many victims' mothers revealed lurid description of Jacko's [[cock|wedding tackle]] after he ran out of [[bribery|hush money]]. Despite being legally a [[white]] woman, '''Captain EO''' played [[The Race Card|the race card]] like [[OJ]] in his/her 2003 pedophilia trial.

Amongst the train wreckage of a life full of batshit crazy behaviour, he leaves a legacy that includes being the author of [[W]]'s controversial '''No Child's Behind Left''' plan and saving humanity from the [[Beatles]] voluminous catalogue of songs (after outbidding [[Paul McCartney]] for the [[Jew gold|publishing rights]]) by preventing iTunes from offering said drek to the public.

Always a controversial figure, he will nonetheless be fondly remembered for the infamous "wardrobe malfunction" on live TV at [[Football|Super Bowl XXXVIII]] on February 1, 2004 in which he exposed his penis to Justin Timberlake during the half-time show

He is survived by [[wikipedia:Bubbles_(chimpanzee)|Bubbles the chimp]], the Elephant Man's remains, several children called [[true|Blanket]], a [[cumdumpster|surrogate babymamma]], Macauley Culkin, Stephen Spielberg, [http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-et-michael-jackson31-2009may31,0,1441957.story a mountain of debt], and the joke:

'''Q:''' What do Michael Jackson and KMart have in common?
'''A.''' Little boys' pants half off!

He will be missed by children everywhere for so many will never know the sweet caress of Michael Jackson's gloved hand.

[[Image:Michael_Jackson_Head_On_Fire.gif|right|thumb|200px|Proof that thinking about child rape too long will make your Soul-Glo ignite.]]
[[Image:Mj advice.jpg|thumb|[[Advice dog|Advice]] from Jacko]]
[[Image:MJBubbles2.gif|thumb|right|500px|Jacko's morning routine]]
[[Image:Michael fritzl.jpg|thumb|[[Josef Fritzl]] is Bad Michael Jackson.]]
[[Image:Mj.png|thumb|right|Celebrities are more important than [[You|You]].]]
[[Image:MJ_I_Rape.jpg|thumb|right|Jackson stars in his own feature length documentary movie ''I Rape''.]]
[[Image:Creepyposter.jpg|thumb|This [[demotivator]] courtesy of Neverland Ranch.]]
[[Image:Goodshow.jpg|thumb|right|MJ's death pleases the [[Juliana Wetmore|Elephant Man]].]]
[[Image:Bubbles_gun.jpg|thumb|Bubbles' gangsta rap album]]
[[Image:Blowing_bubbles.jpg|thumb|It is a well known fact that chimps are a gateway drug to [[13-year-old boys]].]]
[[Image:Wackajackson.jpg|thumb|Wacka wacka wacka jackson]]
[[Image:Pedo bear-jackson.jpg|thumb]]

==Life At Home==

MJ originally constructed for himself the perfect [[tool]] for drawing in his preferred cuisine: an amusement park where children "never grow up" and "[[DO NOT WANT|don't want]] to go to school". It was his primary romp for years until people realized that a grown man running a theme park for children all by himself was a little [[creepy]]. Jacko closed his own pool after his rape trial, moving back to [[Whore]]lywood with the intent to rebuild his fondle-factory in Berlin. Just thinking about plump little [[Prussian Blue|blue-eyed blond-haired Nazi children]] made Jacko drool so much his lips fell off: it was that or too much plastic surgery and amazing [[gay|buttsecks]] with Macaulay Culkin whom he had [[molested|fiddled]] the hell out of for many years after his copy of "Home Alone" on VHS(a.k.a. Exhibit C) became recognizable only as the worlds most valuable container of Jacko [[spooge|spunk]].

He lived with his a myriad of prepubescent servants and his [http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2007/10/09/2007-10-09_michael_jackson_nanny_fighting_lupus_alo.html Nanny with lupus]. [[Poland#Tourism|He has also expressed his wish to move to Poland]] and live in a castle purchased there, although he may have been unaware that the country's demographics were not ideal, having fewer young boys than girls.

=="Thriller" or "I'm a [[pedobear|pedophile]], put me in jail"==
[[Image:Wackojacko.jpg|thumb|200px|right|This is a picture from his music video, "Thriller". Also known as one of the last times he needed makeup to look like a zombie.]]
Years before Jackson was first accused of liking kids too much, he recorded a [[WIN|HIT]] album where all his plans and intentions where clearly stated. The album was released by [[EPIC|Epic records]] (for real) but before they released the album they decided to change some of the title songs, so as to make Jackson's intentions less obvious. '''Bolded''' are the words that were deleted:
# "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' '''(With That Young Boy)'''" – 6:02
# "Baby '''(Boy)''' Be Mine" – [[Weed|4:20]]
# "The '''([[Underage]])''' Girl Is Mine" – 3:42
# "'''(Chasing After [[Loli]] [[Ass]] Sure Is a) '''Thriller" – 5:57
# "'''(I'll Show You How To)''' [[Masturbation|Beat It]]" – 4:17
# "Billie Jean: '''(An 8 Year Old Can't Be Pregnant)'''" – 4:57
# "Human Nature: '''(I'm Just God's Messenger)'''" – 4:05
# "P.Y.T. (Pretty <s>Young</s> '''Underage''' Thing) " – 3:58
# "The '''([[Loli]])''' in My Life" – 4:12

==The Elephant Man==

Jackson was also an [[Trolling IRL|IRL Troll]] and had created many "false" stories about himself, apparently to see if he could "control" the media, a plan that would unfortunately backfire on him, [[LOL WUT|such as sleeping in an oxygen chamber to prolong his life, and buying a sex toy]]. Another notable event occurred in the [[1980|Mid-1980]]'s where Michael Jackson tried to purchase the skeleton of Joseph Merrick, aka the Elephant Man. He ultimately failed to obtain the skeleton. When asked the reason for his fagging, Michael Jackson stated that "it was mostly for the [[lulz]]". [[Some argue|People suspect]] however, that it was in fact not for the lulz but for [[necrophilia|other recreational activities]].

==Movie Career==

In addition to starring in '''Moonwalker''' and hundreds of music videos, at the time of his death, Michael Jackson was in pre-production on a prequel to Hustler's popular '''Barely Legal''' series.

===Moonwalker===

A series of films, including a bunch of shotas reenacting "Bad", but the only notable part of this film is the half hour long "Smooth Criminal" video, where Michael Jackson fights Joe Pesci from Home Alone, an evil supervillian who wants to '''get kids hooked on drugs''', but even worse, '''end prayer in schools.''' Naturally MJ takes offense to this, dances around, turns into a car, dances some more, '''shoots a guy while dancing with hookers''', then rescues the kiddies. But then he disappears into the night sky. Just like E.T. The kiddies cry on a street corner.

But then MJ comes back. Just like he did in real life.

===Ghosts===

Half an hour of Michael Jackson wearing extensive makeup to look like a fat white dude who accuses Michael Jackson of being a freak who corrupts children. To which Michael Jackson dances around with ghouls. Wow. That'll convince any skeptic of your sanity.

==Bubbles==
{{quote|Now that he's dead, who's gonna blow Bubbles?|[[Anon]]}}

{{tinyquote|Bubbles is more fun than a lot of people I know. I saw Bubbles at a wedding in a tux. He has great table manners.|Quincy Jones|[[truth|defending chimpmongling]]}}

After failing to secure a [[negro|bag of bones to stick his dick into]], Jacko purchased a chimpanzee called Bubbles to stick his dick into. As is well known, chimps love nothing better than to sit around masturbating between displays of fæces hurling and Jacko thought that slipping his own dick (which was not yet white and hairless) in would be a cinch. At first it was, so Bubbles became an entourage of one, Jacko's confidante and [[BFF]], accompanying him to [[torture|recording sessions]] and music videos shoots. On the road they shared a hotel bed and Jacko's wardrobe.

Life at home was sweet for both primates, with Bubbles and Jacko sharing a bedroom at [[Gaia|Neverland]]. Bubbles was fully toilet trained and allowed to use Jacko's private crapper but was often seen sitting in a crib wearing a diaper to satisfy Jacko's [[infantilism|diaper fetish]].
Historically,bedtime at Neverland Ranch was always when the big hand touched the little hand.

Sadly, in 2003, Bubbles was kicked to the curb after his [[shota|little hand]] grew too big for the [[pedo|big hand]] -anyone watching Law & Order: SVU know that this is classic pedo behavior. Also, with the arrival of Jacko's first [[IRL]] child, Prince Michael 1, Bubbles had outlived his usefulness.

Jacko justified the breakup and dumping Bubbles on the chimp's overly aggressive love making style where Bubbles had reversed his traditional position as the '[[masochist|bottom]]' in sexual relations to being the '[[sadist|top]]'. [[TL;DR]], Bubbles was now [[buttsecks|assraping]] Jacko as opposed to Jacko assraping Bubbles.

Jacko blamed [[Prince]] [http://prince.org/msg/7/38797 claiming that] he had used [[ESP]] to turn Bubbles batshit insane saying:

{{tinyquote|"[[Jacko|What kind of sicko would mess with a monkey?]] This is the final straw. Poor, poor Bubbles."|Jacko}}

Today, Bubbles has lived at many places since his failed attempt to assassinate Prince Michael and failed attempt to [[an hero]]. He lives in an animal sanctuary where he has a new best friend, [[Assrape|Sam: A 40 Year Old Chimpanzee nicknamed Bubba. Now Bubbles will have many nights of tender tender love making, just like the old days]].

In a special by Animal Planet, sister La Toya Jackson came to visit the chimp and exchanged tearful words. Yes, she is actually talking to a monkey...

<center>
'''To a monkey'''
<youtube>e4ZRkS5GWj8</youtube>
</center>

==Early Life==

Jackson's early life was full of [[child abuse|moonbeams and happy times]]. Father, Joe Jackson, would give all Jackson children encouragement to pursue their [[pedophile|dreams]] and [[jailbait|desires]] by having hurtful buttsecks that left a deep impression on young Michael. Michael's bizarre unrelenting hatred of Steven Spielberg, going into fits of rage whenever Steven would win an Oscar, which was often, can only be explained by the fact that he was Steven's bitchboi before being passed along as a used cumbucket among the Hollywood elite.

<center>
<youtube>27w9cYOOiWc</youtube>

The Jackson family during the early days.
</center>

==Pedo Trials: Part 1 of 2==
[[Image:HomeAloneMJ.jpg|thumb|In his prime.]]
[[Image:Alien-vs-predator-michael-jackson.jpg|thumb]]
In 1993, Jacko was tried for being a [[pedo]] after a [[13-year-old boy]] called '''[[An_Hero|Jordan]] [[Chris-chan|Chandler]]''' accused him of putting the big hand on the little penis, kissing him, face-fucking him and [[fapping]] in front of him, with a detailed description of Jacko's junk. His info was so precise, he even pinpointed where the vitiligo splotches were, the length of the performer's pubes and that he was a Jew, while he was in Monaco to be given 8 more awards at the World Music Awards. Throughout the show Jacko was sitting next to the Prince of Monaco with Jordan on his lap, bouncing him on his knee whilst whispering "Rubba" into his ear. No one thought that Jacko was a sick fuck.

Jacko, being too much of a pussy to have a trial, settled the case by giving the accuser's family over 20 million dollars. [[Some argue|Some say]] that this was proof of him being guilty. Others say that he couldn't be tried because of his health (spoiler alert: he was a drug addict). Now, had this been the extent of Jacko's allegations people would have left him alone, but the damn bastard couldn't stop himself from fucking...

==Pedo Trials: Part 2 out of 2==
{{quote|Another kid? That's like another dead white woman showing up at O.J.'s house, and O.J. going 'I know what you're thinking...'|Chris Rock}}
After making a jackass of himself in a documentary, Jacko gets accused of more molestation in 2003. This was the final blow to his career. The accuser was a former cancer patient who had his [[Pwnt|spine removed]] at a young age and his final words were to Michael Jackson. His wish came true and he was told to be ready to die in a few weeks, but after he met Michael, he was saved. [[Truth|Michael Jackson sucking your cock cures cancer]].

A trial finally ensued and it ended with Jacko being found innocent, before being [[BTFO]] to Bahrain.

[[Some argue|It has been scientifically estimated]] that the next molestation by Jacko would have occured in 2013, should he have been alive by then.

[[Image:Jesusjuice.jpg|thumb|Vintage Jacko lubrication]]
[[Image:Spotted-dick.jpg|thumb|MJ's junk in a can]]
[[Image:Michael_jackson.jpg|thumb]]
<center>
{{frame|{{fv|jsb613vids|background-color: black;|font-weight: soft;
|<youtube>LLpABElGXb8</youtube>
|<youtube>LOmE-4IO8SY</youtube>
|<youtube>VbqwWLXxWR8</youtube>
|<youtube>qGVmWA5CBK0</youtube>
|<youtube>yG2doMwV4jw</youtube>
|<youtube>RPqOfoZH2sc</youtube>
|<youtube>MAW5jRObYjk</youtube>
|<youtube>_h1euQKJsr4</youtube>
}}|border=white|background=black}}
</center>

===Quotable===

{{quote|I believe this charity single could still generate lots of money to help those in need. Why shouldn’t it come out? Because of something I did in the past? This is an industry in which rock stars date porno queens. Adult film doesn’t have the same stigma it used to. So, really, what’s their excuse?!|F. Marc Schaffel is coming to his own defense on word that Michael Jackson’s [[911]] charity single "What More Can I Give" isn’t being released because of his porno directing past.}}

==Jacko's Kids==
Michael Jackson's kids (the ones he ''had'' as opposed those which he "had"), who are all completely white, are (obviously) [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/michael-jackson/5706071/Michael-Jackson-not-biological-father-of-his-children.html not his biological children]. In fact, the biological father is widely known to be Mark Lester, the blond-haired former child actor who played Oliver in a [[gay]] musical movie.

Looking at Lester's childhood photo, which seems to fit the image of Jackson's ideal sex partner, one need not wonder how Jacko's children were being used.

Moreover, it appears that not only did Jacko not sire even one of his children, he never formally adopted them either. This case alone is grounds to have him posthumously prosecuted for kidnapping. [http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2009/07/01/michael-jacksons-will-filed-in-court-neverland-memorial-unlikely/ In his will], he left custody of the kids to [[Sheneequa|Diana Ross]].

{{quote|Daddy's Clowning!|One of the kids, further proving that he loves using kids.}}

{{cg|Gallery|gallery1|center|<gallery>
Image:Mark_lester-current.jpg|Mark Lester, the kids' godfather, is the biological father.
Image:Mark_lester-1968.jpg|Mark Lester in 1968 as the title character in the fagtastic musical Oliver!
Image:Michael_jackson_south_park.jpg|Jacko and his kids.
Image:mj.jpg|Michael Jackson's kid #1 aka Macaulay
</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:Jackson_kid-1.jpg|Michael Jackson's kid #2
Image:Jackson_kid-2.jpg|[[Jailbait|Michael Jackson's kid #3]]
Image:Sq-michael-baby-balcony-cnn.jpg|Michael Jackson's kid #4 aka [[WTF|'''Blanket''']]
Image:Jacko_and_cartman.jpg|Michael Jackson's kid #5 aka [[Cartman]]
Image:Michaelomer.jpg|Papa Joe's thoughts on Michael Jackson's kid #6
</gallery>}}

==The Mask of Pedo==
On December 13th, 2008, Michael Jackson reappeared in the spotlight using an [[nice try|old trick]] from Elizabeth Taylor/Liza Minnelli to gain sympathy from his fans by faking a mental illness. This time it took the form of what could be best described as dressing up like a Bollywood version of Zorro.

<center>
<gallery>
Image:mj_zorro_child_hunt.jpg
Image:mj_zorro_the_finger.jpg
Image:mj_zorro_false_alarm.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

=='''This Is [[shit|It]]!''': The Comeback==
[[Image:Jacko_hulk.jpg|thumb|Jacko trains with the [[Hulk]] for his one city 'tour'.]]
{{quote|When I say this is it, it really means this is it.|Jacko, exposing himself in front of millions of horny fans|March 2009}}

In March 2009, Jacko announced that he would be playing live again for the first time in 12 years with a 50 day residence at [[Londonistan]]'s '''O2''' arena starting in July. Strapped for attention, he planned to revive his rotting career and make hueg amounts of [[Jew Gold]] to pay off his mountain of debt. He also needed fresh, young meat to feed his ravenous appetite for [[shota]]; his kids had grown so old they now revolted him so much he'd stopped getting protein from them and was so incredibly [[pro-ana|frail and underweight]] that nobody really noticed, since he always looked like that.

With a cash advance from the '''O2''' and a firm of [[jews|venture capitalists]] called '''AEG''' he set about trying to get into shape for the gruelling '''tour'''. He rented out [[LA]]'s Staples Center for full dress-rehearsals and hired [http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/2481286/Michael-Jackson-is-being-trained-by-Lou-Ferrigno.html the Incredible Hulk] to whip him into shape. The rehearsals were filmed and have been fashioned into a sloppy motion picture. Jacko's attention-seeking family claimed that a body double was used, but nobody gave a shit. As nobody gave a shit about the movie to begin with.

{{ytplus|Jackson Rehearsing For Surprise Comeback Performance 7/7/09|<center><youtube>mdVTbU9q0Lc</youtube></center>|Do it now before they grow up and it's too late!|[http://www.plyrics.com/lyrics/ggallin/exposeyourselftokids.html Lyrics from the video rehearsal]}}
===THIS IS WIN===
It is now reported that Sony and AEG, in an attempt to cash in on Jacko's postmortem sales jump and salvage what they invested in Jacko for this tour, are going to, through the magic of editing, cobble together 80 hours of footage shot during the rehearsals of the tour to make an entirely incoherent film about Jacko's final days. The price tag of the film is reported to be at least $50 million.

==Death==

[[Image:Mjinvincible.jpg|thumb|Jacko's last studio album: [[irony|''Invincible'']]]]
[[Image:Goodnight_jacko.jpg|thumb|October 2007: /[[b]]/ called it. [[Goodnight sweet prince|Goodnight Shotacat]].]]
[[Image:HHHHHHHNNNGGGGGMJ2.JPG|thumb|right|An ironic twist to an [[HNG|old meme.]]]]
[[Image:Coincidentally.jpg|thumb|right|Anal cancer claims two more lives.]]
[[Image:DEADjacko.jpg|thumb|The cover of [[Pedophile|Jacko's]] re-release of the album ''BAD''.]]
[[Image:Michaels heart.jpg|thumb|Mj's temple of doom]]
[[Image:Chartattack.jpg|thumb|right|[[O RLY?]]]]
[[Image:MichealjacksonJackieChan.jpg|thumb|DO NOT WANT gook!!]]
[[Image:Jjj.jpg|thumb|right|OH SHIT HES BACK!]]
On Thursday, June 25th, 2009, Michael Jackson died in the act of lovemaking, having a [[HNNNNNNGGGGG|heart attack]]. This is considered one of the best ways to go, preferable to rotting in an old folks home or dying of cancer. The young boy who Jackson was making love to at the time called paramedics; his name was not released. Most news agencies omitted this fact, leaving a mystery of who called paramedics when Michael Jackson was unconscious at the time. Regardless, Jacko was clearly [[I'm on my bee|not on his bee]].

The compassionate, humanitarian brain-trust /[[b]]/ was quick to exploit it with endless threads featuring the [[HNNNNNNGGGGG|heart attack]] meme and Michael Jackson photoshops. His dying wish was to donate his [[cock|organ]] to a sick child (so that his [[Penis|organ]] would forever be inside a child).

[http://www.tmz.com/2009/06/25/michael-jackson-dies-death-dead-cardiac-arrest TMZ] reported the initial diagnosis was that Jacko died from [[HNG|cardiac arrest]] caused by a massive cocktail of drugs including Dilaudid, Vicodin, Soma, Xanax, Zoloft, Paxil for anxiety and heartburn pill Prilosec administered by a nigger doctor. The Los Angeles coroner's office has deferred Jacko's inquest awaiting toxicology tests and to provide ample time for the media shitstorm to rage on for a week or two. Shortly thereafter, [[Jesse Jackson]] appeared on [[CNN]] calling for a full and thorough investigation of the facts and Jacko's live-in doctor (who, it was reported, had gone on the lam) suggesting that this was <big>MURDER!</big> He then called for [[OJ]] to be released from jail since he's an expert in tracking down the [[CIA|real killers]].

While it has since been confirmed that he had a heart attack in the ER, initial reports were of a stroke in the Pediatrics wing.

Meanwhile [[CNN]] reported Vanillaface moonwalked off this mortal coil. [[Fark]] reported that he had just begun work on ''Thriller 2: Electric Boogaloo!'' Though his heart is no longer beating, Disney has inspected the body and declared that the high quality plastic exterior makes him a great candidate for animatronics. The same news report told how he was planning to rekindle his popularity, but the only thing he accomplished was becoming the first [[wigger|white black person]] to die of something besides gunfire.

Because Jacko is dead, it is impossible to determine exactly how uncountably many children he sodomized at the Neverland Ranch, as well as everywhere else.

On 28 August, 2009 a Los Angeles Coroner ruled the death of Michael Jackson a [[AIDS|homo]]cide[http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/08/28/jackson.autopsy/index.html].
[[Image:Pedo mourn 2.png|thumb|right| [[lie|Pedobear mourns the loss.]]]]
[[Image:Pedo bearsmall.png|thumb|right| Good night. ]]

<center>
{{frame|{{fv|starvids|background-color: yellow;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>OXc31Lo_vfM</youtube>
|<youtube>tVACUjHn6yU</youtube>
|<youtube>QbLIlGPJaTw</youtube>
|<youtube>i7GxI9aiiYE</youtube>
|<youtube>KFlbnVzmSOI</youtube>
|}}|border=purple|background=yellow}}
</center>

===Reaction===
<center>
{{morphquote|mqtest1|background-color: transparent;|font-weight: normal;;
|Keep your tickets. This is all a setup for the best performance of Thriller ever.|[[Perez Hilton]]

|Is he even biodegradable???|A bewildered [[hippy|environmentalist]]

|Michael Jackson didn't die of a heart attack, he got food poisoning from eating nine year old nuts.|MJ's coroner

|For the first time ever, we will meet our quota on carbon-emissions for the Kyoto Protocol, thanks to his brave sacrifice.|Barack Obama

|You can't throw him away or cremate him as that would contribute to global warming.The best thing to do is recycle his body for the future use of Joan Rivers.|Fox News

|Run, cherubs, run!|God

|Thursday June 25th 2009: Dear Diary, today I got a new roommate...|[[Heath Ledger]]

|WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!|[[Alex Jones|Micheal Jackson death denier]]

|He just went for Baby Jesus|Grief-stricken /[[b]]/tard

|I think [[Chimpmongler]] is a [[pretty cool guy]]. eh diddles shota and doesn't afraid of [[Chris Hansen]]|[[anon]]

|Basketball will never be the same again |/b/tard

|Why must I cry?!?!|rehdogg

|This article is bad and ED should feel bad.|[[User:faggot|StarCadet]]

|Michael you left such a legacy on this earth, have touched SO MANY!!!|Kelly Rowland
|}}
</center>

The Jews being the two-faced, money grubbing scum that they are, suddenly had newfound respect for Jacko. It turns out after [[Lulz|making many cruel jokes at his expense, stealing as much of his money as they could, and publicly humiliating him]], [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|they decided to just sweep all the nasty things they said under a rug and act like it never happened]]. As overwrought outpourings of unconditional love for the Gloved One rained down upon the masses from all and sundry, [[b|/b/]] remained the sole voice of reason in the tragedy, celebrating this living embodiment of [[Shotacat]]'s life and death, creating [[meme]]s in their indomitable style. Meanwhile, faggotry reigned the day on the likes of [[Shitter]], [[YouTube]], [[Facebook]] and blog after blog after blog.

Everyone seemed to have forgotten how [[shocked & appalled]] they were back when Jacko was on trial for molesting [[shota]]. People posted tributes and childhood memories, songs and vidyas of how important '''The King of Pop''' had been in their lives and how he'd provided the soundtrack to the indiscretions of youth; that first mugging (Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'), that first [[fap]] (Beat It), that first child molestation (Pretty Young Thing).

It's almost as if they could maybe one day overlook the [[Holocaust]] and give another [[Hitler|tortured artist with issues]] the props he surely deserved for being an inspiring leader, brilliant economist, terrific orator, a non-smoking [[dogmongler|animal lover]] with a keen eye for graphic design and style who also got the trains to run on time.

MJ cockmonglers have responded by locking themselves in cupboards, self-mutilation, Jacko tattoos, and [[Baww|BAWWWWWing]] about how the world is a cruel and violent place, subsequently expressing the desire to assault people who don't think or act as they demand. Scientists have concluded that the universe does not revolve around these [[asspies]].

[[Billy Mays]], who was also 50 years old, responded three days later with [[:Image:Billy Mays Last Words.jpg|his own drug-induced heart attack.]] Leave it to Billy Mays to throw in another for free.

You can [[Rape|help]] out the tremulous Jacko pirates by sacking their tree house of precious, underaged booty:

<center>
<youtube>8_XWbQZgbPs</youtube>

'''[[Psychopath|Some people]] were glad he died'''
</center>

The phrase "Fuck that nigger Michael Jackson" was said a total of 9 times during the above movie.
[http://www.mjfanclub.net/mjforum373/index.php '''The Well of Untapped Lulz ''']:

<center>
{{morphquote|mqtest5|background-color: transparent;|font-weight: normal;

|I was stuck on register on Friday. The customers ask "so how are you today?" I just wanted to punch every single one.|Jacko fanboy on pacifism

|I am having the worst time at work. These people that I thought of like family are stabbing me in the back. My boss, who I followed from another job,and a co-worker whom I never suspected could be so cruel, basically told me that my grief was irrelevent compaired to what other people go though and that I had no right to be upset because I didn't know him personally. How dare they invalidate how I'm feeling!?|Jacko fanboy on narcissism

|God I've just started crying all over again more than I ever had. I dunno what to do with myself I don't seem to be bothered about anything. Yesterday I had a thought that I wouldn't care if I was to die cos I'd be with Michael. I can't get over this I'm so depressed and confused. Every where I turn there's something Michael related. I don't know what the hell to do with myself. I just feel like crawling into a ball and crying for the rest of my life but I've read enough books that always give the message that if someone dies you need to try and move on with your life but I can't|Jacko fanboy on being a hedgehog

|I just don't know how I can go on living without the love of my life. Michael was everything to me. I just feel so numb and sick. I'm still in denial about the whole thing. It just feels like I'm stuck in a sick and twisted nightmare that I can't wake from. My whole world has just collapsed. I need someone to talk to.|Jacko fanboy on being ronery

|There was a parade in San Francisco, which I did not go to because I probably would have kick somebody being surrounded by pesudo fans. I'm past the sad grieving phase of my despair its now just anger. I hate how everyone is suddenly a "fan" of his once he dies, now everybody wants all his CDs, how everybody realizes what a musical genius he was. What about those who have been there since DAY ONE? I guess it's better than people being hateful but...UGH....they're all so FAKE. They didn't love him. I can't even stand to listen to them speak his name because they're all unworthy, just because you used to listen to Thriller when you were 4 doesnt make you a fan. Apart from this site I can't listen to anybody talk about him, I couldnt even finishing reading LMP's statement...Not everyone is a fake but...UGH, I dunno....|Jacko fanboy on elitism
|}}
</center>

Ozfags were particularly [[butthurt]] and authorities had to set up a [[self-pwn]] hotline after reports surfaced of [http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story/0,28383,25712012-5019114,00.html numerous faggots committing suicide].

<center>
<youtube>PzP0HcftrVY</youtube>
</center>

==Trolling==
{{quote| I wish Bill Cosby or some other [[Black Jesus|'beloved' celeb]] would [[Win|die]] so we could get a break from all this Wacko Jacko coverage. Wait...[[No|is Bill Cosby alive?]]|Facebook post - [[Billy Mays|be careful what you wish for]]}}

[[Image:Trolling facebook.png|thumb|[[Godwin's Law|For the (God)win!]]]]
[[Image:Headline.jpg|thumb|right|[[Typical]] British headline.]]
In the meantime, you can help by trolling people on the Internets with mock outrage at all this praise for Jacko and comparing him to Hitler. Go to someone's virtual [[Facebook]] shrine and leave comments to ''their'' comments feigning disgust that someone would sweep Jacko's [[shota|crimes against humanity]] under the rug. Tell them they probably spent his pedo trial damning him to Hell and if not, ask them if they would let their kids sleep over at [[basement|Neverland]] or hang out with [[Josef Fritzl|Uncle Josef]]. Tell them that Hitler was a brilliant motivational speaker and a seriously snappy dresser.

Most people won't take the bait because they know it's true: Jacko was a [[sick fuck]]. But some will puff up their e-chests and rise to his defense: this is when you accuse them of hypocrisy and double standards. Ask why they hate children so much and how come molestation is okay when the perpetrator is a celebrity. If they [[BAW|BAAAAAW]] that you're out of line, admit that yes, you're sorry, comparing Jacko to Hitler is a terrible insult to Hitler.

Another effective trolling technique is to liberally apply mock outrage at both the fact that he is to be memorialized and that the huge tribute is to be paid for by your hard-earned tax dollars. Since the [[Arnold|State of Collyfornia]] is now [[bailout plan|bankrupt and issuing IOUs to pay for most services]] this adds [[flame|fuel to the fire]]. It has been estimated that police overtime needed for security at the memorial in downtown LA will cost $2,000,000 alone and ''[[you]]'' are going to be paying for it.

Comments such as:

<center>
{{morphquote|mqtest6|background-color: transparent;|font-weight: normal;
|I don't get it. Why don't they dig up [[Jeffrey Dahmer]] and throw ''him'' a party. Hell, let's give Saddam Hussein a party; he had [[Basement|rape rooms]] too!|troll
|Yeah. Fritzl too. At least [[Josef Fritzl]] raped his own children.|troll bait
|Hey did Mike fuck your wife or something? You sounding like its personal.|[[butthurt]] Jacko fanboy
|My wife wasn't his type...she was female and older than 12.|[[OP]]
|LA can't even afford to hire any new cops or fire fighters and they're going to pay for a party to honor a pedophile? I for one will not be paying my taxes this year.|troll
|Yes Michael Jackson, make that scream ("AHEE-HEE!") while I rape your asshole and jack you off. Your rectum becomes swollen and starts bleeding you little cumslut. Then I slit your throat, lick your blood, and rape your throat hole while you ejaculate in ecstasy. I ram my fork in your eye and force you to eat it while you weep for mercy. I pour Girugamesh into your eye sockets, and inject you with pure, liquid Gaymen, so that you feel the agony for all eternity. Now that was only the warm up round. Now I begin to insert a mace-like needle, grafted from the claws of Cthulu, that has been laid on the surface of lava from Mount Doom into your urethra. Michael Jackson has gone into Terry Schiavo mode. He has to live out the rest of eternity in agony without the privilege of resisting his maker. Your friends and family can't save you Michael. I've thrown them into the Great Pit of Carkoon; where they shall be slowly digested in the Sarlacc's belly for over a thousand years.|The Bruce Campbell of Trolling Copypasta
|}}
</center>

===[[Trolling IRL]]===
<center>
<youtube>THVbb09pyD4</youtube>
</center>

{{quote|Let's knock out the [[harbl|psychobabble]]. He was a pervert, a child molester, a pedophile. What does giving this much coverage to him say about us as a country? I just think we're too politically correct.|[http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/07/06/new-york-congressman-blasts-jackson-pervert-low-life/ Rep. Peter King (R) New York]}}

===Trolling YouTube Comments===
<center>'''''See video comments'''''</center>
<center>
{{frame|{{fv|faggotnigger|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>_Xeb13J8vGE</youtube>
|<youtube>m8JwjqPhDIw</youtube>
|<youtube>lGJ5FVCp5Wk</youtube>
|<youtube>_Xeb13J8vGE</youtube>
|<youtube>KY16HNboAMQ</youtube>
|}}|border=black| background =white}}
</center>

{{cg|Le Jaque Waquette|jackowackomocklogallery|center|<gallery>
Image:Jackson dead.jpg
Image:Hurk.JPG
Image:MJ_dying_turn_you_on.jpg
Image:mj_csi.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:Mj_king_of_b.jpg|LOL black person can't be kings!
Image:BlackWhiteBlue.jpg
Image:RIP MJ June25th 09.JPG
Image:Goodnight-thread.png|[[B|/b/]] can predict the future...[[goodnight sweet prince]]!
Image:Leave MJ alone.jpg|We need to leave the pedo faggot nigger zombie alone.
Image:Jackson 4 returning.jpg|Did you know the Jackson FOUR are getting back together?
Image:Popicon.jpg|Jacko was a pop icon.
Image:Pedobear mourning.png|[[Pedobear|I'll keep his legacy alive!]]
</gallery>}}

==[[Perez Hilton]], first responder==

As news of Jacko's death reached [[Perez Hilton]], Perez set about what Perez does best: showing that, as gay as he gets, he can always get even gayer. He made a blog post claiming that Jacko was just faking it to get out of contractual obligations. This caused abundant butthurt and threats of violence so Hilton tried to backtrack and apologise for the fag-on-fag violence. This wasn't enough for some misguided, gay anons who called for a raid on Hilton (see: [[Talk:Michael Jackson]]). A fallout from this gay Operation Thriller faggotry is expected and leading expert [[tfo]] will bring you news when it happens.

[[Image:Michaeladvison.jpg|thumb|right|Michael Jackson plays a large role in the ''Half-Life'' series, known as the Michael Advison.]]

[[Image:Jacksonhollowmansequel.jpg|thumb|right|In 2009, Michael Jackson set out to create a new image, this time of a movie star. His breakthrough role was in a low-budget sequel to a popular horror film.]]

[[Image:Mj.png|thumb|ACCESS DENIED LOL =[]]

[[Image:Perez hilton mariofailsitlols.jpg|center|1000px]]

==[[Conspiracy Theories]]==
[[Image:Mj glove.jpg|thumb|right|[[Domestic_violence|Does the King of Pop need to smack a bitch?]]]]

===Pepsi did it===
PepsiCo. tried but failed to defoliate Jacko's [[Don Imus|nappy head]] with napalm [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZnUI8tfKjg during the filming of a Pepsi commercial] in the '[[80s]], so Jacko turned to the painkillers which would eventually be similar to the drugs rumored to cause his death. Additionally, when the contract ended with him, Pepsi's stock market fell for a while, ergo, Pepsi did it.

===Rock Band did it===
''Rock Band Unplugged'' had the song "ABC" by The Jackson 5 on it. Michael Jackson was 11 when the song was released. 11 days after the release of the game, he died.

===[http://www.adl.org/PresRele/ASUS_12/2460_12.asp Jews did it]===
{{quote|Michael Jackson has an anti-Semitic streak and hasn’t learned from his past mistakes. It seems every time he has a problem in his life, he blames it on the Jews.|[[ADL]]}}
[[Image:Michael-jackson-the-muslim-perv.jpg|thumb|Abu Joe trollin Jews]]
[[Image:Michael_Jackson_Holding_Israel_Flag.jpg|thumb|Jacko surrenders to [http://www.yoyenta.com/?p=1035 appease the Jews]]]
To get back at [http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/856313/posts Michael Jackson putting a "Voodoo curse" on Supreme Jewish Leader Steven Spielberg], a day before his [[death]], upon entrance into an [[IRC]] channel, a Jew compulsively typed in "ah Michael Jackson, ah what?" Given the fact that this Jew has tha [[OCD]], he has [[DBZ|special powers]], using which he placed a curse on Jacko and [[pwnt|killed]] him.

[[Thatkidparker|Some people]] do believe that Jews did Michael Jackson, and not just because [http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUKTRE55P0Q520090626 he owed] them [[jew gold]] or placed a curse. Their reasoning goes as follows:
[[Image:Michael-Jackson-and-Adolf-Hitler.jpeg|thumb|Michael Achtung]]
::1. Jewish monetary perverts drool at the billions accumulated by MJ. They say [[hello|shalom]] and try to invite themselves to dinner, but Jacko says "[[GTFO]]."
::2. In addition, Jews at the [[Mossad]] want to insert [[memes]] into his lyrics so that they can sell more dope to the listeners. MJ says "[[gb2]]hell."
::3. Jews insert bait children into his life. Indeed, some of the children's families were [[BFF]] with their Jewish attorneys.
::4. Jacko smells trouble, and responds with lyrics. Jewish lawyers made him change them. The song is accompanied by creepy music that gives you visions of Jewish shark lawyers trying to [[banhammer]] you for good. The unedited version of one of his lyrics went as follows ([[srsly]]):

::::''Jew really fucked''
::::''Jew thought he really got control of me''
::::''Jew out there,''
::::''Jew really wants to get me''
::::''Kick me''
::::'''''Kike me'''''
::::''Use me''
::::''[[Pedo|Abuse]] me''
::::''Sue me''
::::'''''Jew me'''''
::::''Take control of me''

::5. Jews never find anything funny if it is at their own expense so proceeded to banhammer him. They fail at the banhammer but succeed in putting him out of commission.

A related theory is that the music biz did Jacko for revenge. His last studio album [[irony|''Invincible'']] in 2002 had tanked and Jacko had gotten into a [[butthurt|heated dispute]] with his label Sony and leveraged himself out of his contract after accusing them of failing to spend sufficient [[jew golds]] marketing and promoting him. Of course this had absolutely nothing to do with his refusal to go on tour in support of the record. Jacko and the head of the label went toe-to-toe in the media and Jackson alleged the label head was a [[white|"devil" and a "racist"]] who did not support black artists and used them solely for [[profit]]. He charged that the label chief had called his pal Irv Gotti a "fat nigger."

===[http://features.csmonitor.com/politics/2009/06/23/sanford-disappears-to-hike-appalachian-trail-on-naked-hiking-day/ Mark Sanford] did it===
After getting busted for going AWOL from his day job as the Governor of South Carolina, [[Republicunt]] "family values" fanboy [[Mark Sanford]] (described by [[Stephen Colbert]] as "incredibly boring ... a manila envelope glued to a beige wall... a walking, talking [[Sleep sex|Ambien]]") admitted he was off in Buenos Aires having an extramarital affair with a moderately attractive [[Argentinian]] chica and not on a surprise solo hike on the Appalachian Trail (on Naked Hiking Day). Naturally, the old media went batshit crazy and had a field day at the Governor's expense and were set to drag all the skeletons from Sanford's suddenly interesting closet.

However, on the eve of blowing the lid off the secret lovers' steamy emails and such, Michael Jackson suddenly dropped dead. With a shot at being the [[GOP]]'s [[2012]] presidential candidate on the line, things were not looking good for the aging Lothario... until the spotlight shifted. Coincidence? You be the judge.

===[[Iran]] did it===

Following the hotly desputed re-election of [[Mahmoud Ahmadinejad]], Iranians [[protest]]ed the results as the vote was the one shred of [[freedom]] they thought they still had. They even went as far as condemning the Supreme Leader which is apparently a big no-no. The American and other Western news media would closely observe this butthurt throughout the following weeks.

Fearing that continual coverage of the protests would weaken the [[Islamic]] leadership, they needed something seriously ''[[Epic]]'' to divert Western attention, which was Jackson's record producer.

===AEG Insurance Scam?===

[http://www.cinemassacre.com/new/?p=1654#comments/ TMZ] reports that AEG, who funded the Jacko "This is It" tour, paid for a hefty insurance policy from Loyds of London covering, among all things, drug overdose.

===Farrah Fawcett did it?===

It is no coincidence that Farrah Fawcett and Jacko died on the same day. Reports state that earlier that day, on her deathbed Farrah's last dying wish was for all the children in the world to be safe. So God answered and killed Michael Jackson. The difference between Farrah and Jacko is that one screwed Majors, whereas the other screwed minors.

===Doctor Did It===

It is possible that his doctor Conrad Murray is responsible for drugging Jacko to death as the Coroner has requested all his files, as well as the LAPD, Los Angeles Country Sheriff, and now the DEA and FBI, because this will not be the same without the [[Party Van]]. They all want to know how this doctor got his hands on an IV-administered drug only available at hospitals.

===Illuminati Did Michael Jackson===
The [[Illuminati]] was infuriated when they learnt that Jacko was going to reveal the truth about the Illuminati's conspiracy to take over the world and reduce the world population by 90% in his next concert. They had their eyes on him ever since he created this non-satanic song which has a somewhat empowering effect, which is exactly the opposite of what the Illuminati wants (since everyone in the music industry must submit to [[Satan]] in order to get anywhere).

<center>
<youtube>FAi3dJIJwgI</youtube>
</center>

===Jews, Jealous of Allah, did Michael Jackson ([[Copypasta]])===

Not surprisingly, this particular theory holds considerable sway in the [[Middle East]]. The synopsis goes as follows: Jacko had converted to Islam in the Middle East and intended to do a final farewell concert, encouraging his fans to do the same. Jews got wind of his intentions, and since he did not pass through any long tunnels where they could [[accident]]ize him like Diana when she got pregnant with an Arab, they had to kill him by injection. Jews unsurprisingly wanted him to continue pushing Diet Pepsi to the Americunts instead of [[Allah]].

{{quote3|
Michael Jackson (MJ) was known as the most loving person in the world. He gave up most of his assets for charity and all his life, he fought for equality of the African Americans, AIDS victims, Against Drug Abuse, Against Abortion, Against Child Labor and secretly channelled his properties for the hungry children of the world. However, he wasn't peace at heart. He always think of himself as a child trapped inside a man's body. Being Peter Pan is all his dream, never to grow up, forever a child. That inspires him to build Neverland - a heaven for children. Children of all ages and races are welcomed to Neverland. MJ had so much love to give.

However, he made a mistake which he didn't know of the consequences. He saw the peaceful life his brother, Jermaine (Muhammad Abdul Aziz) had as a Muslim - true, Jermaine faced so much pressure that he moved to Bahrain.

In 1989, MJ made a press conference which shocked the world, "I have seen the Islam in the life of my brother, I have read the books about Islam. And I'd love to someday feel the calmness and peace of Islam...."

Since that, MJ's life was never the same again.
He was accused of so many accusations against child molestation. MJ was not someone who can deal with much pressure as he is a 'delicate child'. All the extortion and black mail followed after that. Everything he did was being seen as wrong in the eyes of the Media. All these are to influence his fans to hate MJ. If he is hated, then he would not be influencial anymore.

For several years, he stayed in England. Getting motivation from a long time friend, Cat Stevens, who had converted into Islam - named Yusuf Islam. From him, MJ learnt how Yusuf had survived being Muslim. He made friends with a song writer, Zain Bhikha too, who wrote a song titled, "GIVE THANKS TO ALLAH", which he wanted MJ to sing whenever he is ready.

Following his trial, MJ withdrew to Bahrain, where he was the special guest of sheik Abdullah bin Hamad Al Khalifa, the son of Bahrain's king. It was then that Michael began to give conversion more "serious thought." MJ stayed in Bahrain for approximately 3 years. He studied Islam, the prayers and learn to read the Quran.

Finally, he came back to Los Angeles and in November 2008 MJ had formally converted to Islam in a ceremony at a close friend's house in Los Angeles. He perform Haj with the King of Bahrain and son on December 2008.

He had a hidden agenda when he wanted to make a final comeback. He annouced in a press conference on March 2009, "This will be my final concert. I'll see you all in July...."

He planned that during his concert, he would announce that this is the FINAL concert as he wouldn't be performing anymore. He will declare that he is a Muslim and will only sing with Yusuf Islam and Friends.
At the end of the concert, he will be singing the song, "GIVE THANKS TO ALLAH" with Yusuf Islam. That is the reason why he chose London as his final concert venue instead of the USA. It was because he thought he could escape the USA's extortion, and that he could perform with yusuf Islam who is in England.

At 12.30am, 25th June 2009, he hugged his production manager and said, "After reherasing for 2 months, I am finally ready for the concert..." Before leaving to sleep, he waved his dancers, "It was a good night everyone. I'll see you all tomorrow..." The next thing... He was pronouced dead at 2.26am.....

When 911 was called, there are so much questions asked. It is as if they didn't know who MJ is and where he lived. The questions asked are more towards to delay time. The hospital said the autopsy result can only be obtained after 2 months - very illog ical as even the worst African technology could obtain the result in less than 2 weeks.

MJ's family members opt for second private autopsy as they started to feel something fishy is going on. The result came out in about 4 days - MJ was drugged with high dosage of anaesthetic - drug that brings about a reversible loss of consciousness, if used to much could stop the heart from beating.

Another result which was not aired in the media was, MJ's stomach is empty of this drug, but his blood were filled with it - same case as the death of Marilyn Monroe. The private doctors also found many needle marks, afraid to be forced injections given to MJ on his bed.

In CNN Live after a week, Barack Obama was interviewed. And he said, "I love MJ, I grew up listening to his songs.. It is a great loss, but rest assured that there is no conspiracy in his death..."
Now, why must a President made such statement before the official autopsy result came out? How would he know that there is no conspiracy without the post-mortem result? Seems like someone is afraid of his shadows..

MJ was known to the world as a person who is against drug abuse. Why must he be addicted to drug, then? If he wanted to commit suicide, why rehearse for his concert? And why will he want to see his dancers the next day?

Enough about his death. I am sure people around the world is not stupid anymore. These supreme power can fool us during the Marilyn Monroe conspiracy, Martin Luther King and Princess Diana. But in this MJ's case, they left too many loopholes for those who think...!!

MJ's family was about to give him a Muslim burial with the help of The Brotherhood of Islam. But, the CIA showed up at Neverland's door - blackmailed them that if they do so publicly, Katherine (MJ's mother) would be pull off from MJ's 3 children's custody as well as MJ's estates. Instead, they'll hire Debbie Rowe for the purpose, and the court will be in their favour. So much for democracy and fairness....

Finally, they agreed to let MJ have a Muslim Burial in Neverland. But in condition, must show to the public a Christian Memorial Service, as to prove to the world that MJ was never a Muslim.

So, Staples Centre was just a normal show. That's why the coffin was closed and sealed.

MJ was buried days earlier. The Gold Coffin was empty. They were about to bury the Coffin according to Christianity ways in Hollywood - as in their deal with the USA Government.

These happened, because the USA is afraid of the rising numbers of Muslims in the world.

(Sheikh Ha**d)
The Brotherhood of Islam
Buletin of Bahrain

}}

===Castrati===

Michael Jackson's voice never broke. He never broke into falsetto to reach those notes, he could just hit them without effort. All of his brothers are big lantern-jawed men, but he even before all the surgery never looked older than 11. Why?

Because the Jackson 5 was a money machine, and it all depended on Jacko's voice. Joe Jackson is not a nice man, and never was. He did not take Michael to Mexico for an operation to ensure that that voice would remain angelic. He got good and drunk drunk and did the deed himself, with the boot.

This [[fact]] explains pretty much everything, the kids in the bed, the dance stuff where he'd touch himself like a woman. That's why the sexy dance moves in the "Thriller" video are so unconvincing and just wrong. Go watch it: it's obvious that this man has never actually fucked. He never put his dick in any of those kids because he was physically incapable of it. This is not to say that what he did wasn't sexually molesting the kids, just that it was quite a bit creepier than the paedophile rape everyone thinks it was.

In short: Jacko's dad kicked him in the balls, as a child, to cripple him and keep his voice sweet.

==Funeral==

[[Image:Paris-Michael-Katherine_Jackson_Memorial_OscarOscar.jpg|thumb|Paris Jackson, Michael Jackson's only daughter, accepts an Oscar for her stellar performance at the memorial ceremony.]]

[[Image:Jacklelz.jpg|thumb|LOL vandalism is pointless on this page or anywhere else on ED.]]

Jacko had a [[LOL|gala]] [[BAWWWW|public memorial service]] at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. Jackson did not appear from the dead and deliver a true-to-life rendition of "Thriller", much to the chagrin of most of the audience. [[Paris_Hilton|Paris-Michael Katherine]] did, however, deliver a "heart-felt" speech at the end about how [[O RLY|great a father Jacko was]], and how they will lose their $1000/week allowances. It is not known who coaxed her into making said statements, as everyone knows Jacko's fatherhood suffered a brutal [[death]] after falling three stories off a balcony.

The hapless losers who invested $400 million for Jacko's comeback tour (who also own the Staples Center) gave out 11,000 free tickets to the public instead of selling them at a high markup. After burning $400 mil on a [[fail|now canceled due to death]] tour, why not just lose more money?

During the faggy memorial service, Kobe Bryant and Magic Johnson took the stage, the latter having appeared in the music video ''[[Shit nobody cares about|Remember the Time (I Raped You)]]''. After everyone watching asked themselves why the fuck they are there, Magic Johnson went on to recount a tender moment he shared with Wacko Jacko:

'''LAWDY MICHAEL, IS DAT SUM [[Chikins|CHIKKINZ]]?'''
<center>
<youtube>-v-Y3ydRlGI</youtube>
</center>

During the service various speakers all lauded the strangeness that was Michael Jackson, spouting tall tales such as crediting Wacko Jacko with the election of [[Barack Obama]] as [[President]] (not that there aren't similarities).

It was reported that the Jacko family first opted for [[kill it with fire|cremation]], but it was discovered after years of plastic surgery and various chemical treatments to his skin that his body is now fireproof. NASA has approached Joe Jacko in the hope of getting corpse samples to use in research on new heat shields for space vehicles.

It has been reported that Jacko has finally been buried at Forest Lawn Cemetery, instead of doing the right thing and donating his body to [[soyence]].

==Autopsy==
[[image:Jacko_SOPA.jpg|thumb|right|Is it really Piracy that's hurting the industry?]]
Initial autopsy results were inconclusive but reports from the Los Angeles Country Medical Examiner's office do showed that Jackson's body was 35% plastic and other recycled materials. After the rest of Jack's chassis had been released for embalming and burial subsequent autopsy and toxicology tests were done on Jackson's brain. On August 24th, 2009, the final results [http://www.wbaltv.com/entertainment/20535026/detail.html?treets=bal&tml=bal_natlbreak&ts=T&tmi=bal_natlbreak_1_02580108242009 were leaked] revealing the obvious: Jacko had died of a massive drug overdose and although he'd done the world a favour, Jacko's personal physician was accused of [[OJ Simpson|'''MURDER!!!''']]

The doctor, cardiologist Conrad Murray, had been treating Jackson for insomnia for about six weeks with a buttload of the hospital-grade anaesthetic Diprovan every night via the tip of his penis. Murray said he feared Jackson was becoming addicted to the anesthetic, which is supposed to be used only in hospitals and other advanced medical settings, so he had lowered the dose and threw in the sedatives Valium and midazolam.

According to court records Murray said he resisted a tired Jacko's incessant whining for Diprovan (which he referred to as "his milk") fearful that the pop star had developed a dangerous addiction to the drug. Instead, Murray administered the sedatives Valium, lorazepam and midazolam five times over six hours, which didn't work and Jacko continued to demand his "[[cum|milk]]". Jacko stopped breathing about 10 minutes after Dr. Death relented and finally gave in to his patient's demands.

==Michael Jackson Lives==

Don't believe Ondor's lies. We brought him back, we had the technology!
<center>
<youtube>vuQNJuqgRZE</youtube>
</center>

[[Image:Lolmj.png|thumb|right|The King of Pop at his last performance.]]

==[[Bel-Air]]==

[[Image:Micahel jackson brb.jpg|thumb|right|]]

This is the story all about how 
My pulse got flipped turned upside down, 
Now I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, 
I'll tell you how I had cardiac arrest in Bel Air. 

In Gary, Indiana born and raised, 
In the plastic surgeon room is where I spent most of my days, 
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxing all cool, 
and sittin' in a van outside of a school 

When a couple of parents said I was up to no good, 
said I was molesting their kids in the neighborhood. 
I got in one little incident, and the police got scared 
and said "You movin' with your Blanket and children in Bel-Air" 

I said I'll do a big concert tour, and when it came near 
I needed a trainer - my body stress load was severe. 
One morning that I woke up and suddenly felt pain, 
I said "Nah forget it, YO HOLMES LET'S TRAIN!" 

The very next day, 'round 11 or 12, 
blood stopped rushing to my heart valve. 
I collapsed on the floor, and to rejoicing of haters 
I yelled to the world "yo holmes smell ya later" 

Slipped into a coma and I was finally there, 
dead of cardiac arrest at my home in Bel-Air. 

===Bel Air Ver. 2===
This is a story all about how my [[HNG|HHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNGH]]!!!

==Legacy==
His legacy continues in every shitty rerelease of his music, his family, and Pedobear. Also this guy

<center>
<youtube>cprMXNfn5-o</youtube>
</center>

==Death: The Ultimate PR==

Before Jacko's death, no one gave a shit about him and his music. Only because it isn't even good enought to suck monkey cock. To everyone including his own family, he was a [[Loser|washed-up pop star]], with plastic skin and a fake nose. LaToya (Michael's evil twin brother) publicly accused Jacko of being a pervert on Geraldo Rivera's talk show in the 1990's. [http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hypocrite Now he is an infallible pop music legend and his music is hotter than ever.] Use this to your advantage and [[profit|profit]] off his corpse while you still can!

Now with Jacko dead, the Jacksoff family is missing their primary cash cow. As with Elvis before him, it is time to plaster his plastic surgery ravaged face on anything and everything, in order to squeeze the last remaining jewgold in him. First came two video games, one being the ''Michael Jackson Experience'', a Wii dance game.

The most ambitious project is Planet Michael, a HUEG MMO set within Jacko's World based on his music videos and career. It is not known is players can enter the game as such characters as, Plastic Suregon, Private Doctor, Neverland Maid, Monkey Wrangler, Coffee Enema Administer, Anal Tampon Inserter, Personal Doctor Shopper and the best of all a 12 year old boy.

If this game becomes reality, there is much potential for [[trolling]]. As a consequence, the Patriotic Nigras will probably [[butthurt|shut the servers down within 30 minutes of opening]].

===Fun things to do===

*Go the Neverland as a 12 year old boy.

*Ask when bed time is, when the little had touches the big hand.

*Find Bubbles and give him a spanking.

*Close the pool because it has Aids.

*Raid Neverland, swarm the sim with characters all dressed as police, start asking where the CP is.

[[File:Michaeljacksonepstein .png|250px|thumb|Wacko Jacko posing with [[Epstein|his best friend]].]]
==2026==
A biopic film about his life titled ''Michael'' has been a [[fail|smash hit]]; this and a recently uncovered picture of him hanging with [[Jeffrey Epstein]] have somewhat revived his career and the discussion about it. Most will still call him a pedophile, but others have taken the "heartwarming" acting from Michael's own nephew, Jaafar Jackson, as an argument how he was never actually a pedophile, and is a [[pretty cool guy]] all along.

==Gallery==


{{cg||mjlulzgallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Michael Jackson behind tree.jpg|Peekaboo!
Image:MJAWSUM.jpg
Image:Jjj.jpg|OH SHIT HES BACK!
Image:Wacofaggot.jpg|For all the fans
Image:Mjprop8.jpg|Michael Jackson is against [[prop 8|Proposition 8]].
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Michael Gollum.jpg|Yet another one of Jackson's plastic surgeries.
Image:Jackson_combo.png|A [[combofag|combofag's]] tribute.
File:DoucheyCulkin.jpg|Michael Jackson's penis is responsible for this beard.
Image:Mj_csi.jpg
Image:Peppermentpatti3.jpg|Michael Jackson's YouTube alter-ego, [[PeppermintPatti]].
Image:Freak.jpg|<s>Michael Jackson in the future.</s> Nevermind, he's dead.
Image:de-coca.jpg|The King is dead, long live Pepsi.
Image:Childloveright.jpg|Michael Jackson's beliefs.
Image:Dat ass mj.jpg|MOAR LIEK "[[Dat Ass|Dat LITTLE BOY'S Ass]] [[amirite]]?
Image:Banksy_Fairytalecottage.jpg|Luring children to his gingerbread house.
Image:Naraku & Kohaku.jpg|An [[anime]] Jackson.
Image:Jacksonbabyoutback.jpg|Michael Jackson feeds [[A Dog|the dogs]].
Image:Sneddon.gif|Tom Sneddon, Wacko Jacko [[EPIN]] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbqwWLXxWR8]
Image:MJOJlol.jpg|Michael Jackson on his getaway tricycle.
Image:Dancer zombie..png|His future career plans.
Image:Deadjacko1.jpg
Image:PrinceandParisholdinghands.jpg|His son Prince, an obvious troll.
Image:Michael_pokemon_fight.jpg‎|Too bad he didn't have full heal..
Image:Michael jackson versus michael jackson.jpg|Proof Michael has a [[Dolly|clone]].
Image:Sega-genesis-michael-jackson-moonwalker.jpg
Image:Michael jackson spacechannel 5.jpg|MJ about to get some space [[loli]].
Image:Michael-Jackson.gif|He Tried, He Failed.
Image:Jacko_burka.jpg|Picture of [[Pedophile|Jacko]] and its first [[Loli|prey]] in the name of [[Allah|Allah]].
Image:Michael_DeLorenzo-1.jpg|Michael Jackson's illegitimate son.
image:uglybish.jpg|MJ's younger brother.
Image:Elephant man.jpg|"The Elephant Man, after Jackson took his bones."
Image:Nintendo-punch-out-michael-jackson-1.jpg
Image:michael-jackson-mugshot.jpg|remember sex monsters look no different from you and I
Image:Jacksonfurfag.jpg|Michael was also a closet [[furfag]].
Image:Michael-jackson-death-photo-ET.jpg|Who's dead?!
Image:Michael-Jackson-OK-cover.jpg
Image:Michael Jackson killer revealed.png|The prophecy.
Image:KFC_Michael_Jackson_APPROVES.jpg
Image:Jacksons shota commission.jpg|Michael Jackson's commissioned [[shotacon]].
Image:DeceasedMichaelJackson dontsueplz.jpg|Goodnight sweet prince
Image:Jackoappears.png|[[A challenger appears]].
Image:Michael_Jackson_-_Face_Mask.jpg
File:Michael Jackson drinking vodka with two dwarves.png
File:MJ.aids.album.jpg
File:Jackson Calm Down.jpg
File:MJ Clown.jpg
File:Celebrity-1-michael-jackson.jpg
File:I,Rape2.jpg
File:Goodnight jacko1.jpg
</gallery>|}}

==External Links==
[[Image:Mjapproves1.jpg|thumb]]
* {{yt|cu|MichaelJackson|Michael Jackson's Official YouTube (still active)}}
* {{yt|cu|MichaelJacksonsPenis|Micheal Jackson's Official 2nd YouTube Profile}}
* [http://mjackson.freevar.com/ Stupid ass MJ website with forum to spam and make fun of]
* [http://cgi.ebay.com/The-Cheeto-That-Foretold-Michael-Jacksons-Future_W0QQitemZ290327044439QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item4398d72157&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=65%3A12%7C66%3A2%7C39%3A1%7C72%3A1205%7C240%3A1318%7C301%3A1%7C293%3A1%7C294%3A50 The Cheeto That Foretold Michael Jacksons Future] Amongst the [[crapflood]] of Jacko memorabilia available on eBay.
* [http://cgi.ebay.com/Hot-cheetos-Michael-Jackson-Moonwalk-Thriller-Fun_W0QQitemZ290325355042QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item4398bd5a22&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=65%3A12|66%3A2|39%3A1|72%3A1205|240%3A1318|301%3A0|293%3A1|294%3A50 Michael Jackson Moonwalk Cheeto.]
* [http://www.michaeljacksondeath.net First site up within minutes of his death, goodjob.]
* [http://comments.deviantart.com/2/84273/1106426757 First person to PURELY FUCKING OWN HIM after death.]
* [http://anomalies-unlimited.com/Jackson.html The History of Michael Jackson's face.]
* [http://www.forartist.com/forensic/modification/mj/jackson.htm Computer generated image of how Jacko would look if he never had plastic surgery.]
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakira_discography Another person who bleached their skin. Compare the earliest album to the later ones.]
* [http://www.zug.com/pranks/credit/mj-credit-card/ Pranksters pull a fast one - one pretends to be MJ and vomits all over the window of a Victoria's Secret.]
*[http://williambader.com/mj.html '''Michael Jackson jokes''']
* [http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7816771/ Memories]
* [http://jackobubbles.ytmnd.com/ Jacko's Morning routine]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5KmXleS1wg&feature=related Rapper's Jacko diss set to ''South Park'' clips.]
* [http://www.nicenetruth.com/home/2009/06/flashback-2003-michael-jackson-paid-150k-for-voodoo-curse-on-spielberg-geffen.html?cid=6a00e54f0bd8738834011570944f5b970c Michael Jackson once paid to have a voodoo curse put on Steven Spielberg for not casting him in the movie Hook as <s>pedo</s> Peter Pan, Jackson's demise once and for all proves that Jews > Voodoo]
* [[Love_Shy#Advanced_2|Facial feminization surgery guinea pig]]

===Sites approved by Michael Jackson, '''not directly related'''===
*[http://www.nvhentai.com Wacko Jacko's secret stash!]
*[http://doujinland.com/ Doujinland.com] - Sure to contain '''lots and lots''' of [[sick fuck|sick fuckery]].
*[http://www.notfourchan.net not4chan]

{{portals|music|gay|youtube|trolls}}
{{Pedoseries}}
{{FakeRape}}
{{blackpeople}}
{{Otherkin}}

{{Timeline|Featured article June 26, [[2009]]|[[Online Blackjack]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Beccah Beushausen]]}}

{{timeline|Article of the Now June 10 and 12, [[2026]]|[[Tom Pearl]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[TBA]]}}

[[Category:2009]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Sex]]
[[Category:Corpses]]

User:Sphalerite/Sandbox

2026-06-09T00:59:56Z

Sphalerite: Add notice templates and initial small see also section

User:Sphalerite/Sandbox

2026-06-08T23:51:05Z

Sphalerite: Clav page WIP initial edit

{{UserSandbox}}

{{ib|[[File:Braden_Eric_Peters.jpg|200px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Pete Davidson'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|December 17, 2005 ({{age|2005|12|17}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Americunt]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Ethnicity'''|[[White devils]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Gender'''|[[Male]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|[[Influencer]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Clavicular''' ([[Powerword]]: '''Braden Eric Peters''') is a pseudo-intellectual [[Americunt]] [[looksmaxxing]] [[influencer]] obsessed with drugs and destroying his skeletal structure in hopes of being attractive. After beginning his career in 2025 he since continues to persuade [[incels]] worldwide into copying him in destroying their own bodies as to not feel lonely having done it, by telling them it will make them more attractive.

W.I.P.

File:Braden Eric Peters.jpg

2026-06-08T23:49:36Z

Sphalerite: Uploading image of Clavicular for an upcoming article that will hopefully be finished.

== Summary ==
Uploading image of Clavicular for an upcoming article that will hopefully be finished.

User:Sphalerite

2026-06-08T23:03:23Z

Sphalerite: Created page with "Hello World! I am an oldfag (2003/06/30) in great support of the cause of ED and its contrast to the rest of the fucked Internets. I hope I am not much of a nuisance."

Hello World! I am an oldfag (2003/06/30) in great support of the cause of ED and its contrast to the rest of the fucked Internets. [[Unrealistic expectations|I hope I am not much of a nuisance]].

Shoe

2026-06-08T20:56:40Z

Sphalerite: Added link to AAF63

[[File:Cock shoes.jpg|thumb|300px|Some very fashionable [[cock]] shoes.]]

[[File:Thosearemyshoes.jpg|thumb|[[Buzzkill|Those are my shoes]].]]

'''Shoes''' are often thought as things you place on your feet, but did you know that:

*[[Put Shoe On Head|Shoes can make excellent headgear]].
*[[Sandalgate|Shoes can symbolize defiance towards authoritative figures]].
*[[American Airlines Flight 63|Shoes can defuse explosives inside of them]].

[[Azumanga Daioh|And this, as well]]:

<youtube>913DuCViWRo</youtube>

[[Category: Disambiguation]]

Nu-male

2026-06-08T20:11:19Z

Sphalerite: /* They sport a beard, glasses, and/or are prematurely balding */ Added why nu-males usually appear subhuman.

<center><youtube>Eu_QT8wBBto</youtube></center>

A '''nu-male''' aka '''soyboy''' is a specific type of [[Beta Male|beta male]] that has surfaced in the 2010's in an attempt to redefine what [[Alpha male|manhood]] means, specifically white malehood, in the wake of the Civil Rights movement and Third-Wave Feminism. But in the process of doing so, they've become a humongous joke, and no one outside of liberal Hellholes like [[San Francisco]] takes them seriously. Despite their permeation in modern Western society, they exist simply to show people how one should NOT live if they wish to be treated with respect by their peers, and especially women.

==So where did they come from?==
===The Greatest Generation begat the Baby Boomers===
The Great Depression taught the Greatest Generation that being a pussy means death, while [[World War II]] taught them that exposing your emotions to the enemy meant death. There was simply no time for them to complain about shit, because they were too busy trying to survive to do any of that. That's why back then, men were real men, women were real men, and children were real men. Even degenerates like Ed Wood were real men; while killing [[Japs]] in the Battle of Tarawa, he wore women's bra and panties. But the bitterness of the Great Depression, World War 2, and the Cold War ensured that the Greatest Generation would try to raise THEIR children—the [[Baby Boomers|Baby Boomer]] Generation—with the same level of harshness they grew up with.

[[File:Iwo jima.jpg|301px|center|thumb|Not pictured: nu-males of any sort]]

[[File:Hippies.jpg|201px|right|thumb|"When I become a parent, I'm gonna bring my kids to one of these, because my dad never did!"]]The Baby Boomer Generation, on the other hand, while still raised properly, hated the fact that they were raised so harshly. Their parents from the Greatest Generation never took their kids to a baseball game, told them how well their artwork looked, etc. All they did was complain about their kids whining about shit like toys and crap... which was nonsense as far as the parents were concerned, because a roof over their head and food on their plate was far more than any of them had during the Depression. Toys? Baseball?? I don't give a shit about your fanfic about Howdy Doody meeting Captain Kangaroo. Just be glad you aren't picking sand out of your food, you ungrateful little assholes. Thirsty? Drink your spit. Oh, and I don't want to see you playing with that [[nigger]] kid from across the street anymore.

Worse, because of the growing influence of [[Feminism]], pediatricians like Dr. Spock, the growing shift of jobs away from rural areas and towards urban areas (and with jobs went the family), and even television, it became harder and harder for the Fathers of their Baby Boomer children to be positive male role models for their children, as well as instill upon them what it means to be a Man. Whereas, in the past, when the whole family was involved with, say, maintaining the family farm, or were all home schooled, this provided equal parts of positive male and female role models for the children. But because of all the changes happening in post-War America, the Father was simply not around to teach their children much of anything anymore, not for lack of trying. Therefore, young Baby Boomer boys simply lacked positive male-role models, as they were growing up either around their Mom (who ran the house when Dad was away), their teacher (who was usually a woman), or their friends (who were just little kids). This situation was magnified by television, with shows like ''I Love Lucy'' and ''Leave it to Beaver'' depicting home life as run by their mothers and usually devoid of their fathers. This undoubtedly created problems later on down the road... but we'll get to that later.

Of course the Baby Boomer generation dealt with it, because they didn't know they didn't need to. The 1960's eventually came, and started filling the heads of the Baby Boomer generation with Peace, Love, and Happiness. Then with the Civil Rights Movements of the 60's and 70's teaching the new generation about fairness and equality (while at the same time also teaching them about how white men were the cause of EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM EVER in the history of the WORLD), the Baby Boomer generation ultimately decided that, when they have children, they're not going to be the stoic brick wall their parents were, but would instead be their children's best friend. When the time comes, it'll be the Baby Boomer's chance to raise their children right, with the right music, right thinking, right history, right everything. This time they WILL take their kids to a baseball game, they WILL tell them how well their artwork turned out, they WILL let them make friends with non-white kids. In fact, their kids get a TON of awards for their artwork and achievements, just to make up for the ZERO awards they got when they were a kid. The children of the Baby Boomers will get everything the Baby Boomers never got.

[[File:Newage1.jpg|201px|center|thumb|"Hey son! Do you wanna go to a Deadhead concert with me? I'll drive!"]]

===The Baby Boomers begat The Gen X-ers, Millennials===
So in comes the 70s, and the earlier Baby Boomer Generation finally started having children: either Generation X—born between the 70's until maybe 1983—or Millenials—born between 1984 until the the 90, with the Generation Xers themselves filling in the second-half of the Millenials. Either way, the Baby Boomers gained more and more seniority in their respective workplaces around the same time, such that, by the time the post-Gen X generation, the Millennial Generation, reached school age, the Baby Boomers had completely taken over the positions of authority their parents and grandparents once held. No longer did the Baby Boomers need to challenge the authority of their parents as children or as young adults, THEY were now ''THE'' Authority, and so now it was ''THEM'' who decided what would be taught and what would be expected from others. In due time the Baby Boomers make good on their promises to be far more friendlier to these children than their parents ever were to them. The Baby Boomer Generation relished in the joy of finally being able to teach people that it's OK to cry if you got a little sliver playing in the tanbark playground, and nobody would question it. And as they got older, the Baby Boomer Generation—sometimes in tandem with the Gen X-ers—taught these children more hippie and feminist values, like how it's OK for a male to cry, that there is NO EXCUSE to hit a woman, that one should stand up for their beliefs, races and genders were equal (though non-whites are more equal than whites) and so forth and so on. And at the end of the day, the Baby Boomer Generation were happy that the children were finally being taught the right thing.

Unfortunately, none of those lessons were tempered by any kind of common sense (y'know, like, it's OK for a male to cry in PRIVATE and not as a means to achieve a goal, that if women are equal to men then there's just as many reasons to hit a woman as there are for men, etc). Worse, where as the Greatest Generation almost completely lacked any positive doting behavior, the Baby Boomers were TOO doting. Years of being told that they were perfect in every way, that their artwork was simply ALWAYS award winning, and graduating kindergarten was worthy of celebration started to mold the young Millennial's minds into thinking they could do no wrong, that everyone loves them, and authority is nonexistent. All of this was magnified by decades of a lack of positive male role-models and the realization that they didn't have a clear idea of what it meant to be a Man... and although they were there for their children in ways their parents were, this became a case of "the blind leading the blind": how the hell could a generation who knew little about being a Man raise a new generation of boys to become Men? There was no answer... and thus the Baby Boomer parents felt that, as long as their boys and girls were at home watching Care Bears and My Little Pony G1 (but not G.I. Joe because that was too violent) and not out smoking crack or whatever, then that was enough to be a good parent. And so it's no surprise that, as the Millennial Generation grew to adulthood, they simply became the world's newest generation of pussies.

===The Millennials begat no one===
[[File:Tumblr thefremen.jpg|201px|right|thumb|"My life is SOOOO hard!"]]Of course the real world is far different than the world that the Baby Boomers and Gen X'ers raised the Millennials in, which years of Care Bears did not prepare them for. Everything you do is wrong, nobody loves you, and authority is everywhere. This is exactly what the Greatest Generation learned, and taught their Baby Boomer children... but in the process of tossing out EVERYTHING their parents taught them in lieu of "more correct" rearing (among other things), the Baby Boomer Generation basically left out those lessons when raising their children. But whereas the Gen X-ers at least still had their Greatest Generation grandparents to give them a different outlook on life (at least whoever was left after years of social drinking and smoking gave them all liver disease and lung cancer), the Millenials had no one left to turn to. Now, these Millennial adults are being sent into the world without the proper tools to deal with shit, and in turn have simply become gigantic pussies because of those missing tools. But hey, at least they know that there is NO REASON to hit a woman, right?

Now this usually happened with white people, as pretty much all generations of non-white people to this day still have to deal with enough bullshit in life to temper them enough and prevent them from becoming gigantic sissies. Like, black folk—save for the very most recent #BlackLivesMatter generation—had to deal with racism (and white people trying to latch onto them for some political end), Asians were too busy escaping communism and other leftist regimes to support American-style liberalism much, etc. But for white Millennials, who had a pretty easy living as there was nothing left in life to temper them like their grandparents during the 1930's and 40's (and, no, marching against the Iraq War, joining an Occupy collective, and tweeting #BlackLivesMatter doesn't count), and because their Gen X-er parents and Baby Boomer grandparents left them ill-equipped to deal with the realities of the real world, while also being over-burdened with tons of [[white guilt]], the conditions were such that an average white Millennial male devolving into a nu-male was almost inevitable.

And, that's where we are now: we have an entire generation of pussies who are a complete 180 from the Greatest Generation. Their great-grandparents are rolling in their graves seeing their male descendants acting concerned about how being on the receiving end of their girlfriend's strap-on may make them feel "unmanly":

[[File:NuMale-feminism.jpg|301px|center|thumb|If you look and feel like this, [[Kill yourself|seek immediate help]]]]

===The Next Generation===
If this is what white kids are being taught in school these days, and/or what white kids think they need to say to impress their elders... then God help us all.

<center><youtube>g4Q1jZ-LOT0</youtube></center>

==How to spot a soyboy==
[[File:Nods-respectfully.gif|201px|right|thumb|nu-males can be spotted by their glasses, premature balding, and white knightism]]
No one person exhibits ALL of the symptoms associated with nu-male-ism. Rather, nu-males share certain common traits, though which traits they share is dependent on how they were raised, where they live, etc. However, the first trait listed below is perhaps the one single trait that ''absolutely'' does define the nu-male.

===They're a [[AIDS Skrillex and Carl the Cuck|White male]] with [[White guilt]]===
This is perhaps the single most important attribute of the nu-male, as everything else about them is based on this fundamental aspect. The root of this stems from the Baby Boomer Generation, in their attempt to correct the historical wrongs that white males have done in the past (such as colonialism, imperialism, slavery, sexism, racism, etc). Specifically, the Baby Boomer Generation raised both the Gen-X Generation and the Millennial Generation to be hyper-conscious of history, and to do whatever they can to not only prevent it from happening in the future, but to be willing to pay for the sins of their ancestors. This overall instilled upon the nu-male an insane amount of white guilt: without that guilt, there is no nu-male, as that guilt in turn drives the nu-male towards doing the most stupid and ridiculous things in their desire to repent for their assumed sins.

Of course, this is under the assumption that only white males are guilty of colonialism, imperialism, slavery, sexism, racism, etc., which is hardly true ([[Japan|Imperial Japan]] is a really good example). However, don't try to bring this fact up to a nu-male, as they'll justify it by claiming either:
* white males made those non-whites and non-males be terrible (because non-white, non-male people are completely incapable of acting on their own)
* that BECAUSE they are non-white or non-male, all the wrongs and evil deeds they did doesn't count against them... or are even ''justified'' in some way
:* Perhaps that non-whites were being oppressed by whites ''so much'' that murdering millions of white people, or even other non-white people, was just them trying to free themselves of said oppression.
:* That's right; Mao Tse-tung's "Great Leap Forward", which killed tens of millions of Chinese people, or the killing fields of the Khmer Rouge... it's all white people's fault.
* or—worst of all—that that non-white group is/were actually "honorary whites" and thus justifying their white guilt even further.

It is possible that a ''non-white'' male can have "white guilt" (and thus be a nu-male), but it's very rare, and likely because they've become ''absolutely'' disconnected to their non-white side (becoming a banana, coconut, Oreo, etc in the process).

===They sport a [[Neckbeard|beard]], glasses, and/or are prematurely [[Bald|balding]]===
Mind you, having a beard, glasses, and/or a receding hairline alone doesn't make you a nu-male, but nu-males tend to have beards, glasses, and/or a receding hairline more often than not. This is because their [[Masochism|self-punishment]] caused by White guilt involves using it as an excuse to have no personal hygiene or care, which is why nu-males with non-prescription glasses usually start getting prescribed after enough time with the disability.

[[File:NuMale-glasses.jpg|501px|center|thumb|Bonus points to go any nu-male who wear glasses which aren't even prescription glasses.]]

===They greatly seek approval and validation from oppressed people===
[[File:NuMale-maleFeminist.jpg|201px|right|thumb|Thanks for pointing that out!]]Like sporting a beard and glasses, all people desire validation from their peers; it's only natural. But what differentiates a nu-male from a normal human being is that, because of the massive amount of white guilt nu-males possess, they seek out the approval and validation specifically from those they feel white males have historically wronged.

When it comes to seeking the approval of women, nu-males tend to be [[white knight]]s and/or self-proclaimed "[[Feminist|male feminists]]"; they'll jump to any woman's defense on the internet, despite not ever receiving any rewards or personal benefits for their good deeds. Despite this, they also try to be a "[[nice guy]]", maybe because they felt (or have been convinced) that they have treated women wrong by thinking of their own needs in a relationship (like the TOTALLY WRONG idea that it's OK to want to have sex with a woman), and therefore believe that being "nice" is paramount in any romantic relationship. ALL of this is likely because they believe that these actions is what women expect them to be, despite never actually talking to women to begin with and trying getting a consensus of what women would ACTUALLY like to see from them. This is also why nu-males also donate money to at least one [[Patreon]] female; it's clear toxic masculinity has tortured these poor women and destroyed their emotional state... so [[ Victimhood Industry|giving them money]] is a good way to right those wrongs once and for all.

[[File:NuMale-comic.jpg|401px|center|thumb|See women?? This joke about how some men pretend to understand your issues means *I* ''totally'' understand your issues. Don't you see how much of an ally I am to you now? I mean, this is what you want me to say, right? Please, just tell me what you want me to do!]]

Trying to gain the validation from non-white people means completely agreeing with everything a non-white person says or wants, no matter how irrational or idiotic it actually is. Shit, white people have done crazy shit to non-white people over history, so it's only fair for non-white people to want to do something equally crazy. Therefore, nu-males tend to be [[SJW|Social Justice Warriors]], agree that the US government should pay reparations to the African-American community, and are in support of various race-specific campaigns like #BlackLivesMatter. In fact, they'll almost zealously support these race-specific campaigns, sometimes far more active than an actual person of that particular race, and maybe to the degree where the white nu-male will criticize and lecture a non-white person for not sharing the same attitudes. Y'know, because—as a white person—nu-males know more about how to fix the issues facing a certain non-white community than an actual member of that community.

<center><youtube>49TM8xABsxk</youtube></center>

Politically, since ALL women and non-white people are OBVIOUSLY [[Liberalism|liberals]] who always vote Left, combined with the fact that conservatives are INHERENTLY toxic to non-white, non-male people, nu-males therefore attempt to show solidarity with them by being liberals just the same. Another way nu-males show solidarity is, when a non-white, non-straight, non-male person reads them the riot act (especially over something some white male did in the past, as opposed to what that nu-male did specifically), the nu-male will completely roll over and take their punishment; after all, they're white males, and it's their burden and responsibility to be hated by all the groups that their white male kinsmen have wronged throughout history. Again, this is done OBVIOUSLY because this is what non-white, non-straight, non-male people expect out of white males. Instead of, y'know, actually talking to non-white, non-straight, non-male people and getting a consensus about what they REALLY want to see happen. Again, it's because nu-males know more about what non-white, non-straight, non-male people want than they themselves know!

Fashion-wise, the nu-male's approval-seeking tendencies also ensures that they are [[Hipster|trendy]], as adhering to a fashionable trend is the very heart of one's desire for approval. How can someone be liked by other people if they aren't wearing the right kind of clothing?

===They are extremely self-hating===
This is also absolutely due to their white guilt. Being a white male is an ''extreme'' burden to the nu-male, so they will actively point out how horrible it is to be white and a male any chance they get. Part of this is also done in tandem with their desire for approval from non-white, non-males; they actually believe that all their self-hating impresses non-white, non-male people... or, worse, that the language nu-males uses is what non-white, non-male people want them to say and believe... but in reality, non-white, non-male people are totally laughing AT you dipshits.

[[File:NuMale-selfHating.png|501px|center|thumb|Self-hate is maybe the most obvious sign to other people that you're a nu-male.]]

Some nu-males will go so far as to dress up as a woman or pretend to be gay in order to eschew the "toxic masculinity" that they feel they have too much of. The amount of self-hate nu-males have for their white male-ness almost rivals the level of self-hate [[Jews]] have for themselves.

===They are VERY active on [[Twitter]]===
While on Twitter, they will constantly use buzzwords and stock phrases like "[[Problematic|problematic]]", "[[Fist of the North Star|toxic masculinity]]", "[[Yes|you're a white male!]]", and regularly references what the [[current year]] is. You can also spot them giving lectures about the [[Gay|right ways]] for other white males to act, or fighting battles for women and non-white people (sometimes, ironically, lecturing to women and non-white people about how wrong they are for not siding with nu-males like them).

However, while nu-males can use any other social media service to [[Outrage Culture|complain]] about pointless shit, Twitter's 140 character limit is the key factor in why nu-males use the service; it allows them to bitch and moan without actually [[Slacktivism|backing up]] anything they have to say. Furthemore, because brevity is the soul of wit, the character limit gives whatever they write an aura of intelligence, and therefore it makes THEM appear smarter than the av-er-age white males. Of course, it makes them APPEAR smarter in the same way fun-house mirrors can APPEAR to make some fat ham-beast look like a skinny fashion model.

[[File:tellingwomenwhattodo.jpg|220px|right|thumb|A nu-male like [[Carrie Jenkins-Ichikawa and Jonathan Ichikawa|Jonathan Ichikawa]] loves telling women what to do in the name of “social justice.”]] But the most important reason why Twitter is uses is because it also prevents their opponents from BTFO'ing their opinions in a very public manner. The thing is, nu-males [[Reddit|can't handle dissenting thought]]; the idea that other people could be disagree with—let alone be ''against''—them is foreign to them, so the character limit ensures that an opponent can't give nu-males a good lashing without looking desperate for using more than 140 characters. But if that doesn't work, the next easiest thing for them to do is to just mute/block them, though it's not uncommon for them to [[Phil Fish|work themselves into a rage]] in order to rid themselves of people who don't align themselves with their views.

===They are almost always [[Crybaby|submissive]], [[Coward|passive]], [[Lame|boring]], but [[Shut up|outspoken]] only during [[autism|TOPICS OF INTEREST]]===
Again, many times their desire for social justice and feminist equality encourages them to tell women and non-white people what to do, despite being against all the many times in history where white males told women and non-white people what to do. But apparently it's different when THEY do it, because they're actually trying to HELP women and non-white people by trying to speak over them.

Being outspoken is another common attribute for nu-males: how else would we know that they're sorry for being a white male if they're not constantly and publicly self-flagellating themselves?

[[File:NuMale-selfFlagellation.jpg|401px|center|thumb|I'M SORRY FOR BEING WHITE! ''I'M SORRY FOR BEING WHITE!'' '''''I'M SORRY FOR BEING WHITE!''''']]

===Other attributes common to soyboys===
* attempted to be an [[Video games|indie dev]] at some point (evidenced by [[Chiptunes|pixel art]] avatars)
* just as functional in society as other beta males, can be one step above [[fedora]] lords; therefore, in most cases their lower position in the social order comes from their shitty opinions, not their inability to function in society (as opposed to [[autistic]] folk)
* think they are all [[Special Snowflake Syndrome|unique individuals]], despite looking exactly the same
* Twitter bio and [[Tinder]] bio are [[Nice try|identical]]
* will take [[Pussy-whipped|his wife's]] last name
* unorganized, doesn't arrive on time
* creates unrealistic plans for himself, or has no plans at all
* takes no responsibility for his actions
* Makes excuses for not working a job as soon as possible
* feels entitled to a six figure job without prior work experience
* failed college or has a 4 year degree in a cuck subjects like women's studies or business administration
* attends adult daycare in any sense
* Your Zodiac sign is that of a beta male
* likes sucking jew cock and has student loans
* fixates on imaginary properties that only exist in their head and not delivering.
* Is unemployed past 25 years old, the age in which CWC made his first video
* Didn't skip high school and get his GED and work as soon as you can during the information age.
* Expects other people to help achieve his / her goals and constantly complains about said goal not happening.
* can't support his/herself and lacks real world skills or value

==How to undo the nu-male curse==
[[File:NuMale-anthonyBurch.jpg|201px|right|thumb|This is what being ashamed of being a male looks like.]]Good news! Being an anti-white nu-male isn't a certain [[dying alone|death sentence]], but being a virgin beta cuck sadcow who has done nothing productive in their life is. Unlike [[autism]], you can actually choose to stop being a nu-male. You can't change your whiteness or maleness, so don't bother with that. In fact, trying to change it might push you further into nu-male territory. You may not be able to change the past that is done, but you can move forward and brainstorm ways to avoid being a cuck. But what you can do is:

* first, maybe seriously just [[kill yourself]]... but if you're too much of a pussy to even do THAT...
* leave environments that contribute to [[white guilt]]
* rid yourself of your [[white guilt]]:
:* it's not your fault that other white men have done shitty things, as if non-white and/or non-men have NEVER EVER done anything shitty in the history of the world (read up on Indira Gandhi and Operation Blue Star, for starters). You don't need to feel guilty for shit you didn't do, so it's not your responsibility to correct things you didn't do
:* and frankly, you're really not impressing anyone by feeling so guilty about history; non-white, non-male people see through it very easily, and most in their right mind don't even blame YOU personally for history, or even the present state of affairs. The ones that do blame you for shit really just want something out of it (like free money), and so them making you feel guilty is only due to some ulterior, self-benefiting motive

...that's basically it. White guilt is something that is so pervasive with nu-males that getting rid of it means eventually shedding the rest of that bullshit that is associated with it.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:Cucks-V3.jpg|Cuck face compilation
File:Turbocuck.png|TURBO CUCK
File:Jake_Rapp_Feminism.jpg|Jake Rapp, slave to feminist icon [[Alison Rapp]]
File:Degeneratescale.jpg
File:Liberalfaggotonguns.jpg
File:SJWfreaks232.jpg
File:DevinFaraciYearbook.jpg|Devin Faraci's yearbook photo.
File:Amperehopethecuck.jpg
File:Amperehopehairy.jpg
File:Amperehopeselfie.jpg
File:Numalefeministwerewolf.jpg|Nu-Males can take form of a [[feminist]] [[werewolf]] [[cuntboy]]!
</gallery></center>

==List of nu-males==
[[File:NuMale-graphic.jpg|201px|right|thumb|If you've seen one, you've seen 'em all!]]
* [[AIDS Skrillex and Carl the Cuck]]
* [[Anthony Burch]]
* [[MovieBob|Bob "MovieBob" Chipman]]
* [[Peter Coffin]]
* [[Nostalgia Critic]]
* [[Aaron Diaz]] (claims to be [[Cuba|Cuban]], despite looking like a [[Ireland|Mick]])
* [[Tom Preston|Andrew Dobson (Tom Preston)]]
* [[Ian Brandon Anderson]]
* [[Devin Faraci]]
* [[Fembusters|Paul Feig]]
* [[Erik Hoffstad]]
* [[Phil Fish]]
* [[Matt Lubchansky]]
* [[Jonathan McIntosh]]
* [[Onision]]
* [[Jake Rapp]]
* [[Tim Schafer]]
* [[David "Walky" Willis]]
* [[John Scalzi]]
* [[Cory Doctorow]]

===Borderline nu-males===
These guys aren't white, so they aren't true nu-males... but they tend to side with white nu-males often, or act in a similar way:
* [[Ian Miles Cheong]] (consider that Cheong stated that Hitler is his personal hero)
* [[Arthur Chu]]
* [[Tatsuya Ishida]] (of ''[[Sinfest]]'' fame)
* [[Todd in the Shadows]]

===Nu-males support===
Nu-males also tend to support any of the following (bonus points if they donated to their Patreon or any other e-beg service):
* Anti-[[GamerGate]] — ''"You're ALL a bunch of white males!"'' says a bunch of white males
* [[Zoe Quinn]] — the fact that she's acquired a sizable amount of money is coincidental
* [[Alison Rapp]] — leave her alone; her 15-page essay on why pedos are OK was just a joke!
* [[Sarah Butts]] - Because there is nothing wrong with defending pedophilia.
* [[Anita Sarkeesian]] — we need to protect her by placing her upon a pedestal and feed her all our money until we're homeless broke!
* [[Bernie Sanders]] — Trump is an old white man! Who wants to vote for someone like that?? WAAAAHH, I NEED A BAIL OUT!!!
* [[MrEnter|Cartoon Channels]] - They want their 90s/00s childhood back instead of moving on.
* [[Vaush]] - Supports communism, yet doesn't even know how leftism works.
* [[Brianna Wu]] — he says he's a woman, so I guess we need to defend him as well

===Nu-male organizations===
Meanwhile, these organizations were either formed by, hire, or otherwise have nu-males in their ranks:
* [[Buzzfeed]]
* [[Cracked]] (since 2011)
* [[Destructoid]]
* [[Gamasutra]]
* [[Gawker Media]]
* [[Giant Bomb]]
* [[Kotaku]]
* [[NeoGAF]]
* [[Polygon]]
* [[RationalWiki]]
* [[ResetERA]]
* [[Rock, Paper, Shotgun]]
* [[Salon]]
* [[VICE]]
* [[Vox Media]]
* [[Nintendo|Nintendo of America]]
* [[Sony]]
* All areas of middle management

==Videos of nu-males in action==
<center>
{{frame|{{fv|NuMaleVideos|margin: auto; font-weight: bold; text-align: center;|font-weight: bold;|
<center><youtube>5ffZgq3yvB0</youtube></center>The nu-male Anthem (starring [[Peter Coffin]]) |
<center><youtube>XshS_6evfp4</youtube></center>Typical nu-male wedding (starring [[Anthony Burch]]) |
<center><youtube>uDy08-RphI8</youtube></center>Nu-male lecturing a dude who was dancing with a woman that that wasn't cool |
<center><youtube>MBGaAsRsGcM</youtube></center>Aren't you glad you're not Anthony Burch? |
<center><youtube>o8UU2SWdIBI</youtube></center>Bob "MovieBob" Chipman underlines nu-male thought on gender issues. |
<center><youtube>QuDqraUlUcM</youtube></center>Phil Fish's Twitter meltdown is typical of what happens when you disagree with a nu-male. |
<center><youtube>o1ZctJat4pU</youtube></center>Nu-male in their natural environment: lecturing other people about how to act, despite not living up to their own words
}}|border=#f7cac9|background=#f08080}}
</center>

==See Also==
* [[Alt-Right|The Alt-Right]] - The conservative version of Nu-males
* [[College]] - Number one place to go to become a virgin soyboy.

==External Links==
* [http://citadelfoundations.blogspot.com.au/2016/03/enter-nu-male.html Enter the Nu-Male], a blog post about the nu-male in greater detail

{{faggotry}}
{{Social Justice}}
{{dying alone}}
{{timeline|Featured article April 10 & 11, [[2016]]|[[LifeInATent]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Antipsychotic Drug]]}}

[[Category:Cliques]]