Encyclopedia Dramatica - Things to revert [en]

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2026-03-11T20:52:02Z

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== Summary ==
Importing file

Dolphinsex

2025-12-29T02:41:44Z

CatButts: Web archive of main video. Tacked on some dolphin rape cave research links.

{{Perfect}}
{{Shock}}

==[[Rape|Mating]] With [[Bestiality|Dolphins]]==
===1===
[[Image:Dolphin.gif|thumb|left|[[WolfJLupus|Bestiality is perfectly OK so long as the animal initiates it]].]]
[[File:Dolphin screwing logic.jpg|thumb|left|A [[sick fuck|perfect explanation]] on why dolphin sex is fun.]]

Q1) How do I tell a male dolphin from a female one?

A1) Probably the most common question asked. There are 2 ways of determining the sex of a dolphin. The most obvious way is to take a peek under their skirt. On the dolphin's belly, directly opposite the dorsal fin, will be the umbilicus, or the navel of the dolphin. Looking further down towards the tail, you start to see the differences. Male dolphins have two separate slits for the [[harbl]] (the urogenital opening) and the anus. These are separated by a bridge of skin. The male's urogenital opening is generally located further up the belly, towards the navel.
Females, on the other fin, have one continuous larger slit, the anus located at the end of it. On either side of the genital slit, you will find two smaller slits; these are the mammary slits, where the nipples of the dolphin are kept for feeding the calves. The slit is also located closer to the tail stock of the dolphin. The other way to determine the sex of a dolphin, if you can't reach their belly, is to look at their mellon, or head. The males tend to have a fatter, rounder mellon, while the females are more sleek and streamlined.

===2===
[[File:Familyguy dolphine.jpg|thumb|[[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]] fucks dolphins too.]]

Q2) How do I know if a dolphin wants to have sex?

A2) There are various ways a dolphin has of showing that she or he is interested in sex. Males are probably the easiest to detect. They will swim around, sporting an erection (anywhere between 10 to 14 inches long for a nigger), and will have no bones about swimming up to you and placing their [[harbl]] within reach of your hand so you can jerk them off or possibly give them a [[roman shower]].
Females can be a little harder. The most obvious way a female dolphin has of displaying her sexual interest is the pink-belly effect. Their [[pussy|genitals]] become very pink and swollen, making the [[pussy|genitals]] very prominent. They may be restless, or they may be acting as normal. If you are out of the water, they may swim up to you and roll belly up, exposing themselves to you, coupled with pelvic thrusts. If you are in the water, they may press their genitals up against yours, nibble your fingers, nuzzle your [[harbl]], or do pelvic thrusts against you. Each dolphins way of expressing sexual readiness varies, so the longer you know the dolphin, the better you will detect when they are sexually active.

===3===
[[Image:Whalepenis.jpg|thumb|djbb giving a dolphin a hj (That's an orca, but he is still giving him a pretty good hj..(Orcas are dolphins, it's [[science]]))]]
[[File:Lagrunta.jpg|thumb|right|[[Hank Hill]] is a noted dolphin lover]]

Q3) What do I do if a dolphin wants to mate with me?

A3) Accept, if possible! I will go through the steps involved with males and females...
The Male: When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. WARNING! In the considerations of [[faggotry]], you should ALWAYS let a male dolphin attempt [[buttsecks]] with you.

A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute just like [[djbb]], and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to open your mouth wide. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well.

The Female: Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin- [[masturbation]], or [[fuck|mating]].

Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to [[fuck]] in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested,arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body. There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experiencewhile you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with [[Sheneequa]], she timed her orgasm to mine. Whether she did this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.

===4===
Q4) What diseases can I get from dolphins? Can I give them any?

A4) [[AIDs]] lol

===6===
Q6) Where can I find a dolphin to mate with?

A6) [irc://irc.anonymuncle.com/ed here]

==Celebrities and Dolphins==
{{squote|
From below, the two men could clearly see her nipples
stiffening with each passing moment as the dolphins got
bolder with her. The one at her pussy began nibbling at
her stiff clit, causing Anna to bend her knees in the
water. He seemed to be trying to tear away the last piece
of vestige that still clothed her.

The only thing keeping her afloat was her two dolphin
friends still supporting her.

"OOOOOH! MY! GOD!" She yelled out in the empty water
park. "What are you doing... doing to me fishies?"

Then Bill and Rick's view was obscured when two more
dolphins swam up to the floating beauty and began nibbling
their short teeth on her stiff nipples.

"OH GOD, NO!" She yelled out again. "Stop doing that, you
naughty things. I... I cannot swim with you doing that to
me."|[http://www.asstr.org/files/Collections/Kristen's_Collection/www/celeb/kova.txt Anna Kournikova at Marine Land]}}

Go to [[goatse.cx]] and a link to this [[Gay|fabulous]] site will be found.

==Totse dolphin stories==
===Dolphin===
Source: [http://www.totse2.com/totse/en/erotica/zoophilia/dolphin169004.html Dolphin 169004]
{{squote|I'm lying naked on a beach on some deserted island. The sun is beating down on me, warming my breasts and stomach. My ass is cradled in the warm sand. Sweat runs down my thighs and into my crotch teasing me, making me think of sex, sex in the abstract.

Right now, I don't want the bother of finding a man, dealing with his emotions, I just want those wonderful sensations, the weight on top of me, a warm tongue slurping up my cunt juices, hands on my breast, a warm cock sliding in and out of me. I need a good simple fuck. Oooh, my fingers must have gotten me too excited because I can feel myself coming again, my ass bucking up and down on the beach, the depths of my cunt pulsing with pleasure!

There's a noise out over the water. It's a dolphin chattering away flipping its nose at me. Dolphins are such sensitive, sensual creatures. They pick up on emotions easily because of their intelligence. Their bodies are warm and just the right width to put your legs around as they swim bumping along. How embarrassing! The animal has probably caught onto my state and knows how much I lust!

Well, there's no harm in playing around with it. Who's to know? No fear of pregnancy, it sure would be good to feel the sperm shooting up inside of me, filling me to overflowing without having to worry about getting knocked up. Oooh, I bet they've got long, beautiful, uncircumcized cocks which they skillfully use on female dolphins, thrashing and cumming in the warm water! Why not give it a try?

I get in the water, it's just below body temperature. The salt bouys me up. I yell at the dolphin, "hey get over here sexy" and he sees me waving. I'm treading water as he swims over, bumps my knees apart with his nose. He playfully bumps up and down as he swims through my legs. My puss slaps against his strong, sleek body. Unnhnh, he's got me hot.

The dolphin swims backwards with powerful strokes that lift his body out of the water. Is that his cute dick peeping its red head out? I sure hope he gets a hard on. I'm going to need it if he keeps on like this. He swims along behind me, bopping me in the ass with his head. I slide over his body, my feet getting caught by his front fins as he swims along. The warm water shoots over my legs and under my cunt as we zip along.

He surfaces and whaddya know, his blow hole is right under my clit! It tickles as he breathes water and air out and then sucks air in. He dips down, takes in some water and shoots it at my clit again. I rub my pussy along his smooth back, I'm sooo horny, his breath on my clit, it's, oh it's making me cummmm! I'm out of control! I'm spasming up and down as he's teasing me!

He ducks under the water and starts lapping my pussy with his big strong tongue, poking at me with his long nose. Oh, he's got me in a state of perpetual cum! My cunt is so wet and swollen, I could take him no problem. He swims backwards away and, as he gets halfway out of the water, his big 8" dick pops, pink above the surface of the water. "Ohhh, I must have it, give it to me!", I yell at him.

He swims upside down under me popping up so he's facing me. The animal is panting and has that big dolphin smiley grin. He must know what's coming next too. I can feel his big cock resting between my ass cheeks and along my cunt. I slide along his smooth cock, my arms around his strong body as he keeps upright with powerful underwater slaps of his tail. I reach down and feel the bulb tip of it, guide it up into me, to fill me up.

He slides strong into me and the feeling of his cock bucking around inside me brings me to the brink of a cum. I hold off as long as I can, sliding up and down his beautiful dick. His eyes bug out, a gutteral chattering sound comes from his throat, a high pitched squeal, then I feel his cock throbbing. He shoots gallons of cum into me and the feeling pushes me over the brink, into a thrilling pulsing cum!

The dolphin and I disentangled as his cock shrunk and slipped out of me. He nuzzled his nose into my breasts, rubbed against me for a while (I probably would have sunk from exhaustion if he hadn't held me up), then he swam away. He left me warm and satisfied with his wonderful dolphin cum dribbling out of my cunt. I'll take a dolphin any time I can get one!}}

===Dolphin Sex===
Source: [http://www.totse2.com/totse/en/erotica/zoophilia/erotic01.html Erotic01]
{{squote|Eight years ago I had an experience that I doubt few people have ever had, and for a long time (actually up to about a year ago) I had never spoken of it to anyone else, thinking that they would consider me perverted. During that time I have lived with the realty that I will most likely never have another opportunity like I had at that time, and believe me it has been very hard.

I have since had sex with other animals, including dogs, ponies and most recently horses, but they will never rival my experience with the Dolphins. Here is what TRULY happened. I can offer no proof other then my own word. And for my own protection I will not divulge locations, names, etc.

Eight years ago I lived in a city that had an aquarium that kept performing Dolphins. By pure chance the aquarium was an assignment I had when I was a security guard for a national security company. Since I was new, and had little seniority with the company I would always get the cruddy shift that no one else wanted...and the aquarium was one of those shifts since it was always a midnight to eight shift.

It really was a pretty cushy place to work since I didn't have to punch clock. (Ever carry one of those security clocks around. They must weigh fifteen pounds!) I just had to kind of wander around and keep an eye on things.

It would get pretty boring at night, and after a while I took to playing with the Dolphins. I would come in during the weekends to watch the shows and eventually I picked up some of the hand signals that the trainers used. With a bit of practise I could get the Dolphins to perform just about any behavior that the trainers had them perform. Dolphins really are quite intelligent. After a while I found myself talking to them and I swear that if they had vocal cords they would have talked back to me! Their body movements and gestures where extremely animated and very communicative.

After several months I got to the point where the nights I spent with the Dolphins became my own private world. They all knew me and came to know my schedule and habits intimately. It was at the point that I decide it was time for a swim.

Now, you have to appreciate the circumstances. I was alone all night with these creatures, I was somewhat of a loner, and had no personal life to speak of, and I had developed a deep bound with at least two of the Dolphins. It was easy to keep the shift since no one else liked the hours.

Finally, one night I brought my swim suit. Around 2:00 a.m. I changed, and after being sure that the place was locked up tight, I eased myself into the pool. At first they simply vied for my attention as they always did, but after a bit, things got pretty rough. I wasn't sure why some of them were getting so excited, when I noticed that one of the males had a hard on!

Now that really fascinated me. They never acted like this around me before, and I was not sure what to do. Except I did get out of the pool until they calmed down a bit. While sitting on the edge of the pool, one of the Dolphins swam in front of me on his side. I stroked his belly with my hand and instantly his dick was thrusting in the air. Boy did I find an erogenous zone!

Before I go on, I should give you a little more background. First, to my surprise, Dolphins do not feel slimy. Their skin feels more like a wet inner tube, and is very soft and sensitive to the touch. They are fiercely independent creatures and if they don't want to do something, then no amount of prodding will make them change their minds. If you ever go to an aquarium, watch them long enough and you will notice that they spend almost 80% of their time thinking and doing sex. You think humans are obsessed sexually? Believe me the Dolphins have it all over us. Although being in a tank 24 hours a day probably has a lot to do with that kind of behavior.

The night that I first went for a swim was an experience to say the least. The frenzy that I started kind of unnerved me to the point were I got out, got dressed, and avoided the pool for the rest of the night. Needless to say, the next day I didn't get much sleep. I could not stop thinking about the wild possibility of actually having sex with them. One part of me kept saying what a crazy idea that was, while another part of me created the most wonderful fantasies. My emotions were on a rollercoaster. I don't think anyone will ever appreciate the way that I felt. The bond that I had formed with a couple of the Dolphins was powerful. It was almost as if they had seduced me by pure empathy.

In any case, I decided that the next night I would take the plunge. I could hardly wait for my shift to begin. It seemed like everyone lingered around forever. And then waiting until it was late enough to safely go into the pool was almost unbearable.

Finally things quieted down and I got undressed...this time no swim suit. I sat on the edge of the pool, and like the night before the Dolphins gathered around to play a bit. This time I was careful not to get them too excited right away, waiting for most of them to swim off on their own so that just the two that I was closest to were with me.

I should explain how the pool was laid out. As a part of the show the trainers would have a couple of the Dolphins beach themselves in a very shallow part of the water. This part was just deep enough for the Dolphins to swim in...about a foot deep. It was my strategy to get the two Dolphins into the shallower water.

After the Dolphins left, I lowered myself into the water and very carefully started to stroke them. I eased my way toward the shallow water, and as I had hoped, they followed. Once I was able to sit on the bottom of the pool I coaxed them along side of me, and I carefully started to rub their bellies. I started with him first. Just as the night before I got an immediate response from him. He rolled on his side and as I had hoped he had a huge hard on. Now my heart was pounding so hard I was sure it could be heard from 30 feet away.

I carefully eased my hands down his belly toward his cock. I was very careful. A full grown Dolphin can weigh in from 350 to 600 pounds. And while they can be quite gentle, I was not sure how he would react when I started to rub his dick. Despite my confidence in his gentleness, I was relieved when he simply went limp when I started to stroke his cock. in fact he went so limp that at first I thought he may have died! But after a moment he opened his mouth about as wide as he could, his tongue doing a sort of aerobic dance.

I slipped my hand up and down his shaft, carefully squeezing it every so often. It felt much like the surface of his skin, that is very firm but still soft. It was sort of knife shaped, that is wider then thick, and you could feel it move in your hands. It was about eleven inches long, about two inches wide and one and one half inch thick. The tip thinned to nearly a point and crooked down a little. Overall it was shaped nearly like his own body...very sleek and streamlined. When not in use the cock is retracted completely into the Dolphin's body through a long slit just below his belly.

The slit in the male and female Dolphin are almost identical, making sex determination tricky. The best way to tell apart the sexes is by looking at the forehead. The male Dolphin's forehead, or melon, is actually a little bigger then the female's. Of course if the male has a hard on then it is pretty easy to tell males from females! When the cock is erected the slit parts in such a way that it is oval shaped.

It is said that the Dolphins cock can be used like a finger and has a great deal of dexterity. That may be true, but on this occasion he did not demonstrate that ability to me. Perhaps he was to wrapped up in the experience. I found that the Dolphin seemed to like having the base of his cock rubbed the best.

I slipped my hand up and down his shaft carefully squeezing it ever so often. This went on for about five minutes and then he started to shudder...as if he was very cold. His mouth remained open wide and every so often I would rub his tongue. (All dolphins love this...I have no idea why.) His eyes remained tightly closed. All the while he was totally silent.

Assuming that he was about to climax I started to rub his dick a little harder and faster. His tail started to sweep back and forth really hard when suddenly he raised his tail high out of the water and with the first sound that he had made all evening he shot his load. There was not as much as I thought there would be...perhaps about two tablespoons. It was quickly washed away in the water but it appeared to be kind of clear and about the same consistency as human cum. What really surprised me most was the pressure of his ejaculation. It come out incredibly hard and fast, his penis contracting suddenly with the ejaculation.

He then relaxed and went totally limp. I kept on stroking his penis but after a few minutes he withdrew it back inside of him. It was only at this point that I noticed that I had a real boner myself. Hard as steel and throbbing. Don't think I've had one like that before or since.

I must say that after eight years, the mere act of writing down what happened has rekindled some powerful emotions. While my encounters with other creatures have been strictly on a sexual level, my encounter with the Dolphins was a much deeper emotional experience. It has been said the Dolphins are highly intelligent creatures. That they are. More then anyone really knows.

After resting for a few moments the Dolphin left for the deeper water. I started looking for the female, hoping that she would allow me to satisfy my throbbing dick. Apparently she had got bored with the whole affair and was off playing with the others.

I slapped the top of the water to try and entice her back, and after a bit of coaxing I finally got her to come over. My legs were dangling over the edge of the shallow part into the deeper water. When she got close enough she unexpectedly grabbed my foot with her mouth and pulled hard.

I don't think she meant to hurt me, but over eighty short conical teeth can leave quite a bite mark and my foot ached for a few days after. When I re-surfaced, I found myself about six feet from the edge of the pool and started to swim for it. She had other plans though. She quickly swam between me and waters edge and started to push me toward the middle of the pool. Her actions alarmed me somewhat and I was getting just a little bit scared.

It was at this point that I began to respect the strength of these creatures ... something that I had badly underestimated. If she wanted me to stay in deep water, there was damn little I could do about it. I decided to cooperate and I swam a little ways out and started to tread water. In the meantime she started to circle around me, each time her circle getting a little smaller until her beak was almost touching her tail...with me in the middle.

I tried to stay calm, not knowing what to expect next, when she started to scan me with the most intense sound. As you are probably aware, Dolphins use sonar to 'see' with. Their eyesight, while not poor, is not their primary sense. Using sounds that range in frequency from as low as 300 Hz to as high as 150 kHz and higher, it is believed that Dolphins are actually able to 'see' what an individual is feeling. For example, if you are in a state of anxiety (as I was!) then your churning stomach would easily give away your state to a Dolphin's probing sonar. Their sonar has been compared to the sound scans used by doctors on pregnant women, except that the resolution is a thousand times better. Being scanned by a Dolphin is in itself a unique experience. The sound penetrates and resonates your body in the most peculiar way. While the Dolphin is scanning, you can actually hear the lower frequency sound waves increase and decrease in frequency.

When she started to scan me I noticed that the other Dolphins where swimming around the two of us, and if any of them got too close, she would chase them away. This went on for about twenty minutes. She would scan and probe my entire body. She seemed to especially enjoy nibbling at my ankles.

About this time I was starting to get pretty tired, and thought I better try to ease my way toward the shallow water. She made no effort to stop me, but she did continue to swim around and around until I finally felt the ledge of the shallow part of the pool.

I pulled myself into the shallow water and rested a bit. The Dolphin in the meantime had wriggled her way into the shallow water and laid very still on her stomach. I began to pet her and rub my hands up and down her sides. She just laid there and did nothing. I decided that now was the time, and I grabbed her pectoral fin and rolled her on her side. She cooperated completely.

From my earlier observations I had never noticed the folds of the female dolphins slit to be all that distinctive. But when I rolled her on her side her slit was definitely enlarged and had turned a deep pink color. I could only assume that she was waiting for me to mate with her. Now I was really in uncharted waters.

Whenever I watched the Dolphins have sex the actual act of penetration was always very brief, lasting no more then ten seconds. The pair would be very excited, the water boiling around the mating couple. For the Dolphins to mate it is necessary for the female to roll over on her back and expose herself to the male. The male would then jump over the female and attempt to hit the mark with his erected cock. Foreplay would consist of very fast swimming, both animals crashing into each other, and a lot of biting.

And yet, what was happening now was exactly the opposite. Here she was, totally relaxed, quite, and obviously very cooperative. I decided not to waste the invitation and started to initiate some foreplay.

I slid my hand along the edge of her slit and kind of eased my fingers into her vagina. The folds of the slit where very soft and squishy. The muscles of her vagina tightened on my fingers and would not let me probe any deeper than the palm of my hand. Not knowing too much about female Dolphin anatomy, I thought that maybe the male's penis kind of laid along the length of the slit. I rubbed her for a while and she continued to simply lay quietly, occasionally taking a breath.

While I was treading water my hard on had kind of withered away. Nervousness over the position I was in probably had a lot to do with that. But after some time with her in the shallow water, my penis started to firm up again.

I eased myself along side of her belly and slowly started to guide my dick into her. She felt my body draw close to hers and for the first time since we started foreplay, she moved around a bit. Rolling a little farther on her side and arching her back. She obviously wanted me to enter her.

Taking a deep breath, I slipped inside of her. To my surprise, my cock went all the way in! She relaxed her vagina and allowed me to move into a more comfortable position. My next concern was the fear that she would roll over on top of me. But fortunately she didn't. Instead she simply wriggled herself around so that we were both comfortable.

Within a few seconds my dick had become rock hard again, and she repeatedly tightened and relaxed her vagina. In twenty seconds I was ready to climax. I held back as long as I could, but the kneading action of her vaginal muscles was just too much. I came hard, and was so wrapped up in my own climax that I did not even notice if she was reaching orgasm, although I would like to believe that she did.

When I was finished I held on to her tightly, wrapping my legs around her tail. My cock was starting to fail me and despite my best efforts I could not sustain the erection. She just remained still, occasionally sweeping her tail back and forth. The kneading action of her vagina continued but a slower pace. I kept splashing water on her side to be sure that her skin did not dry out.

I don't remember how long we embraced, but it must have been for at least twenty minutes or so. Looking back, I am not sure what I enjoyed more, the actual sex act or the time I spent holding her.

It was getting close to 4:00 am and since the trainers would sometimes come in as early as 4:30 I decided I'd better get changed. It was hard to leave.

Over the next few days I felt about as good as I ever had in my life. My emotional state was exuberant. I was already making plans for more encounters with the Dolphins when I started back to work the next week. But it was not to be. The next week the aquarium staff started to come in at night to do maintenance and I was never alone long enough to go swimming again.

And then a few weeks later I was reassigned to another building. From the highest high in my life I went into a pretty deep depression. I still don't think I am over it...even after eight years.

Since that time I have spent a lot of time researching and studying about Dolphins. it has been an enlightening time. Now whenever I see a captive Dolphin, my heart breaks. While in the wild their life span is thirty to forty years, in captivity it is typically only five. Where in the wild their dorsal fin stands erect, in captivity it begins to flop over on its side. Where in the wild they can attain speeds in excess of thirty miles per hour, in captivity they are restricted to swimming around and around in circles.

Being three dimensional creatures, accustomed to boundless freedom, it must be a horrific experience for them to live in a tank that is typically no more then fifty feet across. I can no longer bear to even go to an aquarium anymore. I now see them differently then most people. If you observe them long enough you may understand what I mean. Hopefully in the future things will change so that the only Dolphins you see, are those that swim free in the ocean.

So there you have it. Perhaps my memory of the incident is clouded by too much emotion, but as far as I am concerned it is what really happened, and no one will ever take away the memory.}}

==Malcolm Quotes==
{{quote|She began raking her teeth lightly against my arms and legs which was indescribably erotic. Some might find it frightening, I found it erotic.

The dolphin initiated the whole sexual thing. As I mentioned, she was in isolation—she'd be using me to satisfy her sexual needs.}}

{{quote|What is repulsive about a relationship where both partners feel and express love for each other? I know what I'm talking about here because after we made love, the dolphin put her snout on my shoulder, embraced me with her flippers and we stared into each others' eyes for about a minute.}}

{{quote|While mating, the female holds the male with her flippers tucked in behind his. She pushes, supplies thrust and controls depth of the male's penetration and timing of the act with her rhythmic thrusts. [...] Definitely one of the most liberated females in the animal kingdom!}}

{{quote|She rolled in my arms, bringing her head up and pushing us farther out, so my feet came off the bottom. A second later, I felt her genital slit pressing the waffled soles of my sneakers. But her efforts seemed half-hearted compared to her usual flagrance, as if she found the audience inhibiting.

Cut that out! I thought.

Ruby was gentle and circumspect, but she wouldn't stop. She stared blankly, pretending she couldn't receive me, trying to convince me that human-dolphin telepathy was a stupid fantasy I'd dreamed up while getting stoned one night.

If I had been an observer instead of a participant, trying to stop a horny dolphin from rubbing off on my shoes while my girlfriend watched, I would have burst out laughing. On the shore was Elaine, who professed to like me but wasn't about to let me so much as cop a feel, while out here was Ruby, who would happily screw my brains out but happened to be the wrong species.}}

==About dolphins…==
<center><youtube>kCXp1jwDnyo</youtube></center>
<center>[https://web.archive.org/web/20210721023038/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCXp1jwDnyo WebArchive backup]</center>

==See Also==
*[[Undulating dolphin]]

==External Links==
*<s>[http://www.DolphinSex.org DolphinSex.Org]</s> is down, and apparently Wayback wasn't able to archive it due to Robots.txt but luckily [http://www.billygoatgoatse.com/component/content/article/93-dolphinsex it was archived] by [[BillyGoatGoatse]].
:*[http://www.davidgagne.net/2001/04/10/dolphin-sex David Gagne's 2001 blog about DolphinSex.org with 993 responses]
:*[http://msgboard.snopes.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=93;t=000953;p=0 2005 snopes thread about it with 24 replies]
:*[http://www.shiola.co.uk/link_of_the_week42.shtml Shiola explanation about site being down]

*[http://www.sexwork.com/family/dolphins1.html Sex with Dolphins - "How To", and a Personal Viewpoint...by Dragon-wolfe Dolphinn September, 1996]
*[http://web.archive.org/web/20110624093208/http://delphinophile.com/ June 24 2011 archive of Delphinophile.com before it went down]
*[http://www.insolitology.com/guides/fuckdolphin.htm Alleee and Franc's Insolitology: How to Fuck a Dolphin]

[[File:WetGoddess.jpg|thumb|[http://wetgoddess.net Realm of the Wet Goddess].]]
*[http://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/63173/1/wet-goddess-recollections-of-a-dolphin-lover Wet Goddess: Recollections of a Dolphin Lover by Malcolm Brenner]
:*{{archive|x3xm|Io9: Human-Meets-Dolphin Love Story Takes You Where Avatar Won’t}}
:*[http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/23/malcolm-brenner-dolphin_n_974764.html Huffington Post: Malcolm Brenner Chronicles His Sexual Relationship With Dolphin In 'Wet Goddess']
:*{{archive|P8vO|Man’s Dolphin Sex Memoir Suddenly Very Popular}}

*[http://www.asstr.org/files/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2005/51359?textonly=Text+Only Swimming With The Dolphins]
*[http://textfiles.com/sex/EROTICA/D/dolphins.txt A True Account Of My Encounter With Dolphins by Vincent]
*[http://www.salon.com/2014/06/14/human_on_dolphin_sex_is_not_really_that_weird/ "Human-on-dolphin sex is not really that weird" by Tracy Clark-Flory] discussing Margaret Howe Lovatt stimulating a dolphin sexually
*[http://archive.is/1BdDF "A Chat with Malcolm Brenner, Man Famous for Having Sex with a Dolphin" by Jia Tolentino]
*[http://web.archive.org/web/20140609170120/http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/woman-who-sex-dolphin-during-3665157 "Woman who had sex with DOLPHIN during lab experiments speaks out for first time" by David Raven]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfPZu5RbKM0 Dolphin rape documentary]
:*[https://web.archive.org/web/20241205061215/https://www.google.com/maps/d/viewer?mid=1QSgvbO2CKl5iLz7WHT4em1KZOns&ll=0%2C0&z=2 ...and rape cave locations on Google Maps]

{{furries}}
{{sex}}
[[Category:Furries]]
[[Category:Sex]]

Romanians

2025-12-22T13:19:05Z

CatButts: /* External Links */ Updated status of some external links

{{achtung|BEWARE: GYPSIES AHEAD.}}
[[File:Romanian flag.jpg|frame|center|<center>THE NATIONAL BANNER OF RUMÆNIA</center>]]
{{merge|Hungary}}
<br>
[[File:Nosferatu rises.gif|thumb|250px|The current monarch of Romania]]
[[File:Romanian_Douche.jpg|thumb|150px|[[Typical]] <del>Romanian</del> <del>gypo</del> A type of romanian "Cocalar" Male.]]
[[File:Romanian_Female.jpg|thumb|150px|Romanian supermodel in national costume.]]
[[File:Flag_ro.gif|20px]] '''Romania''' is the Mexico of Europe. It has over 3 million [[gypsies]] ([[Srsly]]). The gypsies call themselves romanies because this way they get a lot of money from [[Hungary]] - Romania's most trusted neighbour ([[Sarcasm|srsly]]), and because of that, the Romanians hate the gypsies very nice. In fact they would [[ban]] them if they could. But they can't because they are [[busy]] emigrating to [[Spain]] and [[Italy]].

Romanians descend from two great [[men]], the Roman emperor [[Guido|Trajan]] (who had nothing to do with the romanian people of today) and the glorious ancestor of the epic beard man, [[Epic Beard Man|Decebalus]]. Romania is considered by most [[Bill Nye|experts]] to be the Earth's epicenter of all known [[Fail|epic fail]]. Because that's their favorite [[Copypasta|pastime]]. Romanians are a [[Bullshit|proud]] and [[Retarded|tenacious]] people, best known for elevating the act of stealing to an art form. Romania is also well known for its high rate of [[Falcon Punch|fetus pwnage]].

All Romanians are either gypsies or self-hating closet gypsies who blame all their problems in life on one another instead of owning up to their lazy indolence and lack of effort. It's easier for them to simply not try, give up, avoid any level of personal responsibility and to point their fingers at someone else while proceeding to stomp up and down with flustered indignation and hypocritical, self-reflective racial slurs.

__TOC__

==[[Fail|Romanian History]]==
[[File:A_wasteland.jpg|thumb|left|150px|A typical Romanian landscape.]]

Romanians moar liek Romaniacs [[Amirite?]]) have a very rich and interesting history, most of it involving one invading empire or another plowing them in the ass. This [[Fact|piece of information]] is not at all surprising, considering that the Romanian nation was born as a result of [[Roman Shower|Roman pwnage]] inflicted upon the Dacians. Once upon a time they actually would have came close to defeating the [[Turkey|Ottoman Empire]] if they weren't so busy fighting among each other over which [[Sick Fuck|sunflower seeds brand are best used for anal penetration]].

Among the most notable nations that have trolled Romania, craving their [[lie|huge]], [[truth|hairy]] cocks, are: the [[furry|Celts]], the [[Persia]]ns, the [[Fyromia|Macedonians]], the "[[starcraft|Scythians]]", the [[Roman Empire]], the [[Goth]]s, the [[Turkey|Turkeys]], the [[Austria|Austro]]-[[Hungary|Hungarian]] Empire, the [[Nazis]], the Soviet Union and the [[Asia|Tatar hordes]]. And now [[EU|Europe]].

[[File:Wasteland.jpg|thumb|150px|A typical Romanian village.]]
[[File:blaxygirls.jpeg|thumb|150px|Typical Romanian [[SNCA|K-Pop]] band]]

It is a little known [[fact]] that during [[World War II]], Romania was actually one of the [[Bitch|bitches]] of the [[:File:Axis powers.jpg|Axis powers]], and was responsible for the [[Holocaust|Iasi Pogrom]], the deadliest pogrom during World War 2, proof that Romanians would kill Jews rather than fix their shit economy, which isn't really that surprising. The Soviet Union, using its [[Dongcopter|superior military technology]], eventually liberated the Romanian people from the evil Nazis and gave King Michael the [[banhammer]]. It is generally accepted among scientists that [[some argue]] that the Ruskies [[Communism|overstayed their welcome]].

In [[1980s|1989]], [[Ronald Reagan]], who often bragged about his Romanian ancestry, finally had enough of Russian republican president Gorbachev's spot on his forehead, swooped down from the [[The Jewnited States of Americunts|heavens]] and pwned the USSR using his [[AIDS|secret weapon]]. The Romanians were very grateful and have been mongling [[Dickgirl|Lady Liberty's]] star-spangled [[cock]] ever since.

It is [[fact|known]] that the first Romanian spawned when [[sperm]] of [[Zeus]] clashed upon the [[dog|dogcrap]] filled streets of Valachya, but he couldn't endure the silence alone, and so he [[Naruto|abused the gypsy multiplication jutsu]] to populate the place, planting sunflower seeds for further chillaxin upon rapeage of aputees, a common practice among the working class of Romania. It is [[fact|known]] that [[At_least_100|at least 100 years ago]] the Roman Empire [[rape|ninjaraped]] Dacia, formerly known as The United Gypsy Tents Of Romania.

[[File:RomanianNazis.jpeg|thumb|200px|Romania in it's glory days]]

The history has given Romania the chance of revenge and the Boot-Shape-Village was the biggest PWN EVAH. The general of this massive revolution was Nicolae Romulus Mailat, former President and sheep-raper. The new national anthem starts now with "I think gypos is a pretty cool guy. eh stabs ya'all and doesn't afraid of anything."

Once [[raped|entered]] into the UE, the [[goatse|massive]] Romanian workforce spread like a festering boil, afflicting their neighbors with their special brand of work ethic, which includes such basic tenets as rape, incest, pedophilia, necrophilia, begging and, most importantly, blaming everyone but themselves when problems arise.

It has been proved in the recent years that the Romanians and Hungarians are brothers, sharing the same language, history, and [[Fellatio|oral]] traditions, like [[fap]]ping to pr0n and inserting their [[cock]]s in every sentence that comes out of their mouths, with a frequency of approximately once every 2-3 words.

==[[Fail|Romanian Politics]]==
Simply a shitshow. The [[winrar]] of the last [[President|presidential]] election was [[Liberalism|democratic liberal]] candidate Traian Băsescu. (He was re-elected. He won against Mircea Geaonă by .3%). A [[Crapflood|shit storm]] is already on its way from [[butthurt]] Geoană fans who claim that the [[Truth|elections were rigged]], not that anybody gives a fuck.

<center><gallery>
File:Mirceageoana.jpg|Mircea Geoană, the [[Socialist|social democratic]] candidate and former ambassador to [[USA|Dumbfuckistan]]. He has been called a retard by his boss, Ion Iliescu. The unfortunate [[loser]].
File:Traian basescu afro.jpg|Traian Băsescu, the current president. Because of his highly [[success]]ful presidential mandate, he hopes Romanians will give him another chance to blow them. The unfortunate [[winrar]].
</gallery></center>
[[File:romanian_elections_2014.jpg|250px|thumb|center|2014 Presidential Elections]]

==[[Fail|Romanian Economy]]==

Romanians will [[Steal|sell]] anything that isn't nailed down. The Romanian word for business is [[jew|bishnitza]] and no self respecting Romanian business man would ever miss a bribe. Romania is really cold in winter so it's likely they sell a lot of jackets, stolen from the few visiting [[Idiot|foreigners]] who have a spark of interest in this [[Goatse|little corner of the world]].
Romania doesn't have a traditional form of currency, the most common method of payment being weed, rubber boots and pig-vomit. The country's main exports are gypsies and [[fail]]. Romania is one of the biggest prostitute exporters for Western European countries, Canada, USA, Israel and Turkey.

[Fun Fact : saying that Romania has an economy is a self-sustained joke]

----

[[shit nobody cares about|'''Dacia''' is the average Romanian car. Every Romanian starts learning how to drive on one of these. Some can fail. There is a saying in Romanian culture that if you learn to drive a Dacia you learn to drive any existing car. Dacia eventually was bought by Renault. From then Dacia got international. It is now sold all over the]] [[EU]]. [[Some argue]] that the Dacia Logan, the first one to be made by Renault, is the best Dacia so far. But Renault failed to understand the needs of one car on Romanian roads. Observe in the pictures.
<center><gallery>
File:dacia-saci_1.jpg|Average Romanian before Renault
File:Dacia-tramvai.jpg|Average Romanian after Renault
File:prototype.png|Failed Romanian driver
</gallery></center>

==[[Fail|Romanian Cuisine]]==
[[File:Sunflower_Seeds.jpg|thumb|150px|Every Romanian's favorite food.]]
Romanians feed primarily on sunflower seeds. [[Some argue|Scientists believe]] that the average Romanian would eat seeds non-stop if he/she didn't have to take breaks for sleep and abusing their children. Romanians only drink [[shit|pălincă]] and [[piss|ţuică]] [pronounced "sewage"].

Don't let this fine dining fool you though. It's well known that the only form of meat Romanians have is what they can scrape from under their toenails. Because of this, seeing meat in a dish will confuse them and they will try to guess the meat so you don't find about their filthy toenail scraping ways. A common phrase used would be "is that beef?", even when it's clearly [[Chikins|not]].

You should never ever [[EVAR]] let a Romanian near your food because they love to sniff it.

==[[Fail|Romanian Culture]]==
[[File:Romanian_Hobo.jpg|thumb|150 px|An average Romanian [[hobo|citizen]], relaxing the traditional way.]]
Favorite Pass times include:

*[[Buttsecks|Beating]] the shit out of each other at soccer matches.
* Drinking "ţuică": [[Alcohol|moonshine]] so strong that it can melt through titanium.
* Emigrating (mostly to [[Spain]] where they pick up strawberries for the rest of their [[Fail|lives]]) and once inside the foreign land, [[Rape|harassing]] the natives.
* Throwing doorbells at their women.
* Having sex with underage girls. You will never get [[Party van|escorted to a certain vehicle]] for such actions in Romania, which proves it is [[Lie|far superior to the USA]].
* Throwing [[food|garbage]] everywhere and then complaining about it.
* Almost shoving their face in your plate of food and sniffing it for extended periods of time. Then asking if its beef, when it's clearly fucking chicken.
* Sniffing glue.
* Stealing Transylvania <strike>back</strike> from [[Hungary]], and trolling about it.
* [[Final Solution|Massacring Jews]] and then building statues to honor the Nazis who cleansed the [[Jew|Jewish Menace.]]

==The Average Romanian==
The [[Fucktard|average Romanian]] is an [[Mega ultra super genius|extremly complicated and intelligent creature]].
An example of this is the following:
A Romanian [[fucktard]] ate a bag of cherries without unseeding them, his ass got [[Butt plug|clogged up]] with cherry seeds so he shoved a hammer up his ass to try and crush the seeds (srsly). However, the handle of the hammer broke and the hammer head remained in his ass. Apparently, this particular [[fucktard]] wanted [[moar]], so he shoved another hammer up his ass to try get the first one out/smash the seeds. However, the monkey learned from its previous mistake and tied a string around the hammer head so he could pull it back out. The string broke and he ended up with two hammer heads in his ass. The [[fucktard]] tried for three days to take the hammer heads out himself before visiting a doctor or Romanian [[Christian|Orthodox]] [[priest]].

It has also learned that it can increase its life expectancy from the Romanian standard of 32 by emigrating to a real country. The typical Romanian (or feral beast amirite?) will whore out its triple breasted [[Whore|mother]] to some unsuspecting loser in another country. Once there the parasitic worm will latch on to said country to steal benefits and get free education. This usually [[Fail|fails]] because Romanians are unable to live in a civilised country and will resort to threatening women and throwing doorbells at them, which is a national past-time.

<center>Romanian Military Special Ops secret training methods</center>
<center><youtube>1P4zjRkLUbU</youtube></center>

==[[Vampire|Vlad Ţepeş]]==

[[File:Vladtepesportrait.jpg|thumb|150px|Where [[Chris Crocker|Freddy Mercury]] got the inspiration for his moustache from.]]

Contrary to popular belief, Vlad Drăcula was not really a bloodthirsty [[vampire]]. Most Romanians consider him an national [[hero]] but this is also false. In truth, Dracula's only notable trait was his ravenous homosexuality. When he was a mere [[13 year old boy|boy]] he was sent as tribute to the Turks. While there, he was [[Buttsecks|impaled]] on a daily basis by the [[Bubba|Sultan]] himself. It is here that the warlord aquired his habit of [[stick it in her pooper|sticking]] very large, very sharp and very [[Dildo|phallic]] objects up innocent people's anuses.

He is noted for his connections to the modern British capital, [[London]]: One notable [[The Highgate Vampire|descendant of his]] lives in the Boroughs of Camden, Haringey and Islington, and [[The Royal Family|some more of his descendants]] live in the Borough of Westminster.

==The [[Emo]] Menace==
While the [[stupid]]ity of [[cops]], both Romanian and of other nations, is known throught the world, very few foreign cops could produce such large amounts of lulz. It started when a [[16-year-old girl|12 year old girl]] became [[an hero]] and soon the [[Old media|press]] was alerted to the "dangerous emo cult". As it was expected, instead of listening to [[common sense]], the cops listened to [[cockmongler|the fear mongerers]] and engaged [[serious business|serious surveillance]] equipment to [[stalk]] and catch a bunch of emo faggots [[Masturbation|in the act]], after which they were taken away and given to [[Psychiatrists|shrinks]].

<center>'''Typical Romanian commercial about emo.'''</center>
<center><youtube>-nG52P3Qejw</youtube></center>

== Trolling Romanians ==
[[File:Average Penis Size Throughout the World.jpg|thumb|Only asians have smaller cocks than Romanians]]
Although Romanians are [[dumb]], here are a few ways to [[DO NOT WANT|make friends with them]]:
* Ask them about how many times they got [[owned]] by the Ottoman Empire.
* Ask them about the king of manele music, [[Gypsies|Guţă]].
* Ask them why is their country called Romania if they're not gypsies (Roma).
* Tell them they have nothing to do with the Roman empire, they're actually Slavs. Also borrowing half their vocabulary from the French is pretty pretentious.
* Say them that even if they were a Roman Nation like France or Italy, they would be the most minor Roman Nation
* Become someone in the goverment and steal from them.
* Talk about the "good" roads of their contry
* Remind them they elected two of the most retarded people in Romanian Politics, Vadim Tudor (a anti-Hungarian psycho with territorial demands for Romania from all neighbouring countries) and Elena Băsescu (The daughter of the former corrupt president Basescu who used money from the Ministry of Tourism to pay for her EU parlament campaign; There was a lot of drama over this.)
* Tell them Transylvania never belonged to them, it was always part of Hungary.
* Tell them that Northern Dubruja belongs to Bulgaria
* Ask them whether their sole is actually hairy?
* Say them that Romanian men have the smallest dicks in Europe (their average dick size is only 5,0", 12,7 cm)
* Tell them that Hungarian men have the biggest dicks in Europe (their average dick size is 6,5 Inches, 16,5 cm), Romanians will be mad at you because many Romanians have an Antipathy against Hungarians
* Say them that the reason because a large number of Romanian women works voluntary as Prostitutes in Western Europe, North America, Israel and Turkey is the pathetic dick size of Romanian men
* Inform them that Romania is the failed state of the EU
* Call them Tuica Niggers
* Flat out call them smelly gypsy bastards and laugh at how buttmad they get.

==[[Shit no one cares about|Famous Romanians]]==

Peace frum Rumænia. [[File:Flag_ro.gif|20px]]

* [[Raep|Ion Rîmaru]] - Notorious serial killer that used to kidnap, raep, and kill [[sluts|women]] off the streets of Bucharest, [[Jack the Ripper]] style. Was eventually caught by the law and killed [[for great justice]].
* [[Retard|Bula]] - [[Last Thursday]] Romanians voted on who the greatest Romanians of all time is. [[Retard|Bula]] a fictional character came in at place 59. The word "Bula" is a one letter deformation of the word "Pula" which in Romanian means [[cock]]. This proves once and for all that Romanians love deformed [[cock]].
* [[Unfunny|Mihai Bendeac]] - [[Tryhard]] comedian with a sense of humor so shitty even Amy Schumer would tell him to shut the fuck up. Known today for being a judge from some tv show made for retards.
* [[Poetry|George Bacovia]] - Poet that wrote some really morbid crap because he got AIDS from buttsecks with a goat.
* [[Sheep|Gigi Becali]] - Divine King of Romania, beloved by the [[people]] and feared by evil [[homosexual]] men and [[atheist]]s.
* [[Stalin|Nicolae Ceauşescu]] - former president of the glorious Socialist Republic of Romania. Died under [[Shotgun mouthwash|mysterious circumstances]] during the Romanian Revolution of 1989.
* [[Romchan|Comsha Dan]] - the [[W.T. Snacks]] and [[cockmongler]] of Romania
* [[Whore|Alexandra Stan]] - A Romanian slut dance singer. She can't sing anymore because she was beaten by her [[Boyfriend|manager]].
* [[Mircea Kitsune]] - [[transgender]]ed [[furry]] [[otherkin]] [[voraphile]]
* [[Pr0n|Mihai Eminescu]] - He is the biggest Romanian pornographer also known for his hardcore sex poems with his girlfriend and a shiny homosexual star that came down to earth to surprise buttsecks him.
* [[Old media|Cristian Tudor Popescu]] - Angry bald man who comes on talk shows and constantly bitches about [[Truth|how retarded Romanian politicians are]]
* [[Rap|Puya]] - A gangsta rapper that went dark side. He now desperately struggles to remain relevant.
* [[Twincest|The Cheeky Girls]] - You [[sick fuck|would]].
* [[The Regime]] - [[l337]] [[h4x0r]]z
* [[Unwarranted self importance|Vladuz]] - famous [[hacker]] made [[eBay]] his bitch for several years and he posted lots of eBay users' passwords and credit card numbers (both of which eBay does not encrypt in its database). Many lulz were had as eBay used to try to cover him up and would send its lawyers after any media or website that mentioned him. He was eventually v& but got the money in the end.
* [[Asshole|Fernando de la Caransebes]] - The most awsome and possible Eurovision winner. [[Lulz|He is a singer]] and his other talents are watching [[over 9000]] [[meatspin]]s, [[troll]]ing in tv shows, and making live shows in trains.
*[[DrMusic2|Mariana Hanks]] - [[lolcow|Lolcow]], [[furfag|werejohncandy]], [[hambeast|snorlax]] and eternally [[butthurt]] about [[DrMusic2|her ED article]]. Born in Brazhov and [[Creepy Phil|adopted]] by a [[British]] couple as a [[toddlercon|toddler]], now lives in [[New Zealand]]. [[Banned]] from the [[wiki]] countless times under many sock puppets, tricked into thinking that [[ginger|Andria Kilgore]] was a real person when "she" was really a [[troll]] in disguise, [[Incontinent Student Bodies|baaawws]] on [[YouTube]] and [[Fail|Vimeo]] only to [[Delete Fucking Everything|delete]] her videos hours later, well-documented on [[EDF2: Electric Boogaloo|the ED forums]].
* [[Internet Tough Guy|Codrin Satvri]] - Most notably known by his youtube username Vee, he is a 30-year old [[Atheist]] who went to law school but makes youtube videos making fun of various online [[Article|articles]]. [[Srsly]]. Involved in the [[Gamergate|Gamergate controversy]]. Also a [[Genius|Trump supporter]].
* [[Nazi|Corneliu Zelea Codreanu]] - Hands down, [[Oxymoron|the best Romanian who ever lived.]] Started an [[Christianity|ultra-christian]], anti-[[Jew|jew]], [[Nazi|nazi]] organisation famous for its [[Columbine|death squads]] and [[Sick Fuck|worshiping death]].
* [[Nazi|Daniel P. Funeriu]] - Some cunt that introduced cameras at exams. Never worked in his life. Fake ass chemist

== Gallery ==

{{Collapsegallery||Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="4">
File:NikolaiCeasescu.png|The best leader of Romania
File:Romanianpornstar.jpg|What a Romanian women look like at any given moment.
File:PalaceofCeasescu.jpg|The Presidential Palace of Romania: Ceasescu's intent was to over-compensate for the inferiority complex of Romanians because of their small dicks with a big building.
File:NewRightNazis.jpeg|Yep, still Nazis.
</gallery>|<gallery>
File:Coat of arms of Romania.png
</gallery>}}

==Meanwhile in Romania==
<center>{{fv|starvids|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>Qm7L3HbibFA</youtube>|<youtube>UAXK5e8ihew</youtube>|<youtube>lsgfv7qbM_4</youtube>}}
</center>

==See Also==
*[[Banat]]
*[[Eastern Europe]]
*[[Nazi]]
*[[Russia]]
*[[Rromchan]] - now-dead Romanian chan board

==External Links==
You'd think that a country would have an official webpage. Romania doesn't because they are not yet aquainted with advanced technology.
*[http://www.aboutromania.com/ AboutRomania.com]
*[http://www.romaniatourism.com/ Romanian Tourism]
*[http://www.realitatea.net/romanians-banned-access-to-neighbor-moldova-under-pretext-they-lacked-papers-to-prove-hiv-negative_483916.html Country's Closed]
*[http://www.112chan.ro/ 112chan] - <strike>A new Romanian imageboard, most users of all of the Romanian imageboards.</strike> <strike>Closed</strike> Re-opened, but [[nobody|barely any]] posters.
*<strike>[http://chanon.ro/ ChAnon] - The last romanian imageboard. Took the place of the now defunct 112chan.</strike> Now dead.
*<strike>[http://cocalari.com/ Cocalari.com] The cocalari species on exibit...</strike> out of business.
*<strike>[http://paracetalol.ro/ paracetalol.ro] Lulz from Draculand...</strike> closed temporarily.
<br>
[[File:Flag_ro.gif|500px|center]]
{{clear}}

{{race}}
{{commonwealth}}
[[Category: People]]

Mircea Kitsune

2025-12-22T13:10:57Z

CatButts: /* External Links */ Add an external link.

Mircea Kitsune (real name Filipescu Mircea Alexandru), going under the forum name Taoki, is an 18 year old [[transgender]]ed [[Romanians|Romanian]] [[furry]] [[otherkin]] [[vore|voraphile]]. He is obsessed over his identity as an otherkin , which he likes to call [[special snowflake|trans-species]], and posts about this unique aspect of himself absolutely everywhere he possibly can. He even wrote his own [[wikifur]] page, of course needing to state that he is otherkin. He actively talks about himself being otherkin and [[crybaby|defends]] the concept of otherkin in [[youtube]] comments sections which seals his fate as being a self-obsessed [[attention whore]].

He also is often [[butthurt]] over Linden Labs, creators of the [[popular]] [[Video games|online game]] [[Second Life]], making a [http://blog.secondlife.com/2007/09/18/identity-verification-and-flagging-parcels-for-restricted-content/ recent decision] to restrict [[teenager]]s from the Main Grid, taking away his jerk off material. Mircea decided that the [[ban]]ning of minors from the [[porn]] infested Main grid was as great an affront as black folks being forced to [[Racism|sit at the back of the bus]] and started an online movement to protest the decision.

[[File:Mircealieksbutterfree.png|thumb|[[OMG]]! [[Pokémon|BUTTERFREE]]!! ^______^]]

==A Moral Outrage==
Taking the matter [[masturbation|into his own hands]], Mircea posted his [[tl;dr]] plea for [[rape|help]] on the [http://forums.secondlife.com/ Second Life forums], [http://mircea-kitsune.livejournal.com/3677.html his Livejournal], and [http://furnation.com/index.php?showtopic=15176 FurNation's message board], along with an [[image macro]].

In his presented argument, which reeks of [[butthurt]] and [[fursecution]], Mircea views the recent decision by Linden Labs as a form of persecution similar to what Blacks in some countries faced in the 1950s on the bus or what [[midget]]s face today in restaurants. In short, it is advisable that Mircea become [[an hero]] for his cause, much like [[Malcolm X]] or Bridget "the Midget" Power.

In further acts of [[faggotry]], when a forum member pointed out the [[American]] laws about minors accessing pornography in the [[Wikipedia's censored guide to CP laws|Child Online Protection Act]] Mircea goes on to bash [[America]] for no particular reason, most likely [[scapegoat]]ing it as the reason underage folk can't access porn on Second Life, and claims it "is worse then [[(sic)|[''sic'']]] all the [[arab]]ian countries at once". In another post he claims that porn is a [[civil right]]. [[WTF]]??

==Here be [[LULZ]]==

{{quote|Banning them from the SL for being "too young" is exactly like throwing a black out of a restaurant for being a "nigger".|Mircea Kitsune| [http://mircea-kitsune.livejournal.com/3677.html because [[racism]] against [[black people]] is the [[bullshit|exact same thing]] as Linden Labs banning minors off the Main Grid so they can't access sexually explicit material.]}}

{{quote|America is worse then all the arabian countries at once, if you ask me what I believe. And of course, far worse then the country I believed I was so cursed to live in.|Mircea Kitsune| [http://furnation.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=15534&view=findpost&p=31471 seemingly ignorant to the fact that [[Arabs]] would [[b&]] his furfag ass forever [[IRL]].}}

{{quote|Looking at something like porn is a right given by life, not by the government.|Mircea Kitsune| [http://furnation.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=15534&view=findpost&p=31668 lolwut]}}

==Lessons in [[Fail]]==
<gallery>
File:Americaworsethanarabs.png
File:Loltaoki.png
File:Pornislife.png
File:Zomgfursecution.png
File:Slagesigneb0.png
File:Hasanpenus.png
File:Mircealulz.png
File:Minorsareniggers.png
</gallery>

==External Links==
*[http://mircea-kitsune.livejournal.com/3677.html The lulzy Livejournal entry]
*[http://furnation.com/index.php?showtopic=15176 A just-as-lulzy forum post]
*[http://www.myspace.com/mircea_kitsune His MySpace page - listed as a female]
*[http://forum.softpedia.com/index.php?showtopic=308015 Mircea attempting to find his brethren on a Romanian forum and failing, with lulzy results]
*[http://sourceforge.net/projects/voretournament/ Vore Tournament]
*[https://www.deviantart.com/thenightmanearchives/art/Blue-Vixen-s-Snack-By-MirceaKitsune-1191782050 Mircea's voraephile magnum opus]

{{SecondLife}}

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[[Category:Furries]]