Encyclopedia Dramatica - Things to revert [en]

An hero

2025-07-06T03:51:22Z

Bluenose25: /* IRL usage of an Hero prior to the 20th century fagification of the Engrish language */

'' ''Not to be confused with [[Suicide]]''.''
See also: [[Mitchell Henderson]]. He was an inspiration.
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There comes a time in every man's life when situations spiral out of control and he finds his back against an wall. Maybe somebody [[Mitchell Henderson|stole his iPod]]. Maybe he just [[Chris Benoit|killed his wife and kids]]. Maybe he looked in the mirror and saw a [[you|Fucktard]]. Maybe you can't live with the fact that you're a [[David Carradine|washed-up actor who's addicted to sex with Thai ladyboys]]. Whatever the reason, you can either get up and face the [[butthurt|music]], or you can tell the world and whatever deity you believe in to fuck off. In the latter case, pull out your list of [[final solution]]s and place a check in the [[suicide]] [[boxxy|box]], because [[TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL|tonight, you dine in hell]].
Simply [[suicide|pwning oneself]] [[IRL]] is no cause to become '''"''An Hero''"'''. Without exceptions, '''"''An Heroes''"''' are made, not born. You cannot fucking be An Hero, get over it!! When [[everyone|otherwise normal and rational people]] fondly eulogize and honor those that have killed themselves before them, that's when '''"''An Hero''"''' is made. Like it or not, somebody out there probably gives a [[shit]] about Kurt Cobain. Could anyone say the same about you? That's why you'll never amount to anything. You'll never be '''"''An Hero''"'''. Don't let us stop you from trying, though. Having said that, becoming an hero is [[shit]] because you won't get to see the results of your [[suicide|successful endeavors]] (assuming Hell doesn't have a live broadcast of your funeral, you absolute pancake). However, if you do a [[school shooting]] and don't kill yourself, you just might. With a lot of luck. Don't expect not to get raped and murdered in prison, or executed in the electric [[chair]]. There is no half/almost/soon An Hero. Either you blow your brains out and become An Hero or don't, but in your case, please do.

The phrase "An Hero" dates back to [[2006]], in reference to the prototypical An Hero, [[Mitchell Henderson]], who famously shot himself after losing his iPod. /b/tards jumped on a [[A and an|grammatical error]] made by many of his [[MySpace]] [[hugbox|friends]], and it is now immortalized as the banner under which we mock those courteous enough to [[Darwin Awards|remove themselves from the gene pool]]. Since then, an heroes of all ages have bravely been removing themselves from the gene pool, including '''{{archive|hSfRj|3 year olds}}'''.

== You and Your Potential An Hero ==
[[Image:Candyjunkie 2008-11-22 daily news.jpg|thumb|When you become an hero, you make front pages!1]]
[[Image:Budd Dwyer NES.jpg|thumb|Inspiring an heroes since 1987.]]
[[You]] hate life. [[No one likes you|You have no friends]]. Your dad is an [[alcoholic]]. [[Your mom]] is a [[slut]]. School sucks. You get molested after class. You couldn't get a Wii two years ago or today. You lost your iPod, which, by the way, had shitty music on it. You're [[gay]]. You get bullied. No one loves you. Everyone hates you. You just lost [[the game]]. You've been thinking about becoming an hero for a while now, but are not sure. Will anyone care? Have you given the [[military]] a try? Will anyone remember you? No, because you're unimportant and no one would miss you if they even knew who you were. Now you have to get set on changing that.

===Why you are NOT An Hero===
[[Image:Morrison.jpg|thumb|right|I'm dying Squirtle]]
*You have lost your Zune.
*You have friends who can spell.
*[[Jolene JRyda|The only people who fell for your faked suicide were juggalos.]]
*You did not kill yourself.
*You are still alive.
*Your eulogy is not posted on <del>[[MySpace]]</del> [[Facebook]]
*You are not Heath Ledger.
*You are not a [[16 year old girl]]
*You haven't finished drafting your suicide note.
*You are not Hammy Havoc.
*You are a Jew.
*You are a [[ginger]].

===Why you ARE An Hero===
[[Image:Kurtcobain.jpg|thumb|right|The worst an hero. Can't you please fucking die a second time?]]
[[Image:Shottieluv.jpg|thumb|right|Thank me later ED]]
*You lost your [[iPod]].
*You [https://appleinsider.com/articles/09/07/21/worker_commits_suicide_after_iphone_prototype_goes_missing_reports.html lost] your [[iPhone]] 4G Prototype.
*You have lost the game.
*[[No one likes you]].
*[[An Wiiro|Your dad would not let you play Wii]].
*The world shall not [[ignore]] your pain any longer..
*You got a ticket for a ride on a [[Heaven's Gate|spaceship behind a comet.]]
*Your girlfriend dumped you.
*Your parents won't let you go see [[My Chemical Romance]].
*[[Rudolph Zurick|Your prison lover left you]].
*You are in an "internet suicide room."
*You got rejected from [[MIT]] or [[Harvard]].
*The [[Codey Porter|sand ninjas]] from ''Naruto'' made you kill yourself in a small sandbox.
*[[L._Ron_Hubbard|You]] overdosed on drugs when trying to create more stories for your [[Scientology|cult]] to believe.
*You get butthurt from people calling you a [[newfag]], when in reality...[[Fail|you are]].
*[[Self injury]] just wasn't enough.
*[[Twilight|Edward Cullen]] won't respond to your emails.
*You're [[Welfare|unemployed]].
*[[Megan Meier|You are in love with Josh Evans]].
*You think the internet is [[real]] life and you're AN HERO because some one who lives 5000 miles away says that your [[YouTube]] video is shit.
*You own a [[MacBook Air]].
*You're a "victim" of sexting.
*[[Your mom]] cancelled your [[World of Warcraft]] account.
*You are distraught that [[Michael Jackson]] died before he had a chance to molest you.
*You haven't had a girlfriend since [[1984]], and haven't gotten laid since [[George Sodini|1990]].
*You enjoy [[Dustin Michaels|choking on both cocks and weed]].
*You are [[Wikipedia:Jeremy Michael Boorda|Admiral Boorda]] and know that you'll never earn that fifth star.
*You are into [[Autoerotic asphyxiation]] and your [[orgasm]] lasted longer than you thought.
*You got falsely banned on a random wiki.
*[[Ricardo Lopez|You simp for Björk]]

===Famous Implements Used to Become An Hero===
[[Image:Wannabeanhero.jpg|thumb|right|No beating around the bush here.]]
[[File:Kill yourself desu.png|thumb|right|[[Some argue]] that anime contains subliminal messages that influence people to become an heroes]]
*[[Guns]]
*[[cutting|Razor blades]]
*[[Mitchell Henderson|A lost Ipod]]
*[[Mr. Hands|Sex with a horse]]
*[[Chris Benoit|Strangulation]]
*[[Criss Angel|Being a witch]]
*<s>[[Kool-aid]]</s> Actually [[fact|it was Grape Flavor-Aid]], Hollywood made it Kool-Aid.
*[[Kurt Cobain|Shotgun Mouthwash]]
*[[Lil_Peep|Drugs]]
*[[The Great Sonic-cide of 2007|Bricks and knives]]
*[[Robert Hawkins|Shooting up malls claiming you'll be famous]]
*[[Jesus|Pissing off the Jews and Romans, then carrying a crucifix up a hill so you can get nailed to it]]
*[[JEWS DID WTC|An American Aeroplane]]
*A circular saw
*[[Amanda Todd|Bleach]]
*Listening to the [[Anti-Lulz|<strike>Jonas</strike> Faggot]] Brothers
*Listening to Miley Cyrus
*[[Doki Doki Literature Club|Rope]]

==Types Of An Heroes==
===The Main Ones (Male And Female)===
==== "An Hero" ====
[[Image:Nigga_an_hero.PNG|thumb|right|Nigga drank bleach]]
[[Image:Nextanhero.jpg|thumb|left|An Hero coming soon?!]]
[[Image:Lulzycolumbine1.jpg|thumb|left|An heroes to us all!]]
[[Image:YahooAnHero.jpg|thumb|left|[[unfunny|Become an hero!]]]]

{{quote|I'm not a boy, I'm just an hero, I'm not a man, I'm an hero.|[[gay|Gerard Way]] of [[My Chemical Romance|My Chemical Bromance]]}}

In spite of the obvious similarities, "an Hero" should not be confused with "[[Nigra|a Negro]]" or "[[Necrophilia|a Necro]]".

It is also an obscure [[fact]] that the song "And the Hero Will Drown" by Story of the Year was originally titled "An Hero Will Drown Himself".

[[File:Thic_quang_duc.jpg|thumb|Greatest an hero of all time.]]

It is a little known fact that the plural of an hero is "one's heroes," its grammar based in [[British]] [[English]]. This will remain a little known fact, [[Noone cares|as nobody gives a fuck]].

=====Japanese East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere An Hero=====

Yukio Mishima, Japan's leading Cocksman, achieved the highest score playing seppuku on his [[Nintendo]] Color TV Game. For his achievements, The Japanese Self Defense Forces gave him a high-five and a pat on the back for good measure, but secretly they laughed at him behind his back. Mishima saw a printed [[AIM]] CONVO of their giggling and was transformed into a mighty Showa [[Emo]]fag. He knew that something had to be done immediately, so he went inside and had one of his pretty young men behead him after he disemboweled himself.

{{frame|<youtube>IasOkulcDQk</youtube>|margin=auto}}

==== "[[An Heroine]]" ====
[[Image:Sexy an heroine.jpg|thumb|The fakest an [[Whore|heroine]] that ever was.]]
For most men, before they become "An Hero", they kill themselves in order to deliver a final "Fuck You" to the world. Male suicide is [[over 9000]] times more prevalent than female suicide, simply because a man has [[at least 100]] times as much testosterone as your average woman, and is usually possessed of a certain degree of mechanical aptitude, which women never are.

Women commit suicide for one of only two reasons. In the lesser case, they've lost someone they love and can't imagine [[dying alone]]. They decide to do Mother Nature and humanity a solid by also removing themselves from the gene pool.

In all other cases, the woman attempts [[suicide]] and fucks up, resulting in her accidental death. Women are impelled to feign suicide whenever they are beset by despair. [[Attention whore|These women]] believe that people around them will support and comfort them, even if the only person from whom they're in danger is themselves. This is colloquially known as a "cry for help". They tend to use "sleeping pills" in their attempt and often need to try again. Maybe if they self-headshotted like a real man, they'd be successful.

''See also:'' [[Unrealistic Expectations]] and [[Celebrity|Hollywood Martyr]]. The only female an heroes worth mentioning are [[Megan Meier]], whose suicide produced epic [[BAWWW]] all over the internets, and [[Christine Chubbuck]], a '70s news anchor who shot herself during a live newscast moments after [[did it for the lulz|making a joke]] that she was doing so in accordance with network policy to bring the viewers more "blood and guts".

=====[[JEWS DID WTC|Emos did Hannah Bond]]=====

Those who comprise the 'emo scene', specifically [[My Chemical Romance]], were criticized by the coroner at the inquest into the death (by hanging) of a girl from Maidstone, Kent in the [[United Kingdom]] named [[Hannah Bond]].

Fuck her.

===An Villain===
[[File:NaomiMisoraAnHero.png|thumb|With the help of a [[Death Note|magic notebook]], this woman became an hero. The an villain who had the same notebook made this happen.]]
Sometimes an heroes need a gentle nudge in the right direction, this is why "an villains" exist. By committing some serious [[IRL]] trolling, you too can drive that wannabe an hero to achieve his/her full potential. Good examples of an villains include [[Gary Oak]] (the Ash you see nowadays is a different one), [[Jesus]] and Bowser. Be warned that even though being an villain is a kind and noble act, many do not see it this way. Many will try to hurt, kill, rape or even troll you (it's like the goatse man getting goatsed). Be sure to always pack some heat and carry a razor blade; an villains can turn into an heroes too.

===An Sidekick===
Sometimes a person's motivation for becoming an hero is the very thing that prevents them from doing so; due to [[AIDS|sickness]], [[Christopher Reeve|paralysis]], [[Josef Fritzl|incarceration]] or even mental retardation. In this case they may need to recruit an sidekick to [[Murder|assist]] them in their [[Suicide|endeavour]], usually a close friend, family member, or helpful doctor.

===SecondhANd HERO===
[[Copypasta]] from [[TOW]]:

[[wikipedia:Anna_Svidersky|Anna Esther Svidersky]] (April 26, 1988 – April 20, 2006) was a [[16-year-old girl|teenager]] who lived in the U.S. city of Vancouver, Washington, and was murdered while working in a [[McDonald's]] restaurant, by schizophrenic sex offender David Barton Sullivan. News of her [[death]] quickly spread worldwide, initially through the [[Internet]] friends site [[MySpace]], where she had a personal page, and then through other [[ED|similar sites]].

===An Hero Deluxe===

These are just like the inferior version, with one exciting difference: they kill everyone they encounter, and then use their last bullet to clean the slate.

====Instructions====

#Having made all other preparations common to regular procedure, proceed to your nearest arms dealer, the more illegal the better.
#Buy whatever you can lay your hands on (bonus points for automatics and/or [[shotgun]]s).
#Find an occupied area (bonus points for schools and hospitals; score is doubled if you hate anyone usually found there).
#Kill em' all, baby.
#Remember: that last shot is for you.

====Notable Instances:====
{{Incompletehero}}
*[[Adam Lanza]]
*[[Asa Coon]]
*[[Munich Massacre|Ali David Sonboly]]
*[[Brandon Scott Hole]]
*[[Vester Lee "Bryce Williams" Flanagan II|Bryce Williams]]
*[[Chris Benoit]]
*[[Chris Harper-Mercer]]
*[[Cho Seung-Hui]]
*[[Devin Patrick Kelley]]
*[[Columbine|Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris]]
*[[Elliot Rodger]]
*[[Éric Borel]]
*[[Campinas Cathedral Shooting|Euler Fernando Grandolpho]]
*[[Zug Massacre|Friedrich Leibacher]]
*[[Luby's massacre|George Hennard]]
*[[George Sodini]]
*[[Gian Luigi Ferri]]
*[[Gleb Korablev]]
*[[Suzano School Shooting|Guilherme Taucci Monteiro and Luiz Henrique de Castro]]
*[[Jake Davison]]
*[[Jaylen Fryberg]]
*[[Jeff Weise]]
*[[Kimveer Gill]]
*[[Marc Lepine]]
*[[Nghtmrchld26|Matthew Murray]]
*[[Michael Kenneth McLendon]]
*[[Michael Ryan]]
*[[Mutsuo Toi]]
*[[Nasim Aghdam]]
*[[Pekka-Eric Auvinen]]
*[[Philipp Fusz]]
*[[Randy Robert Stair]]
*[[Rickard Andersson]]
*[[Rina Palenkova]]
*[[Robert Card]]
*[[Robert Hawkins]]
*[[Robert Steinhäuser]]
*[[Ronnie McNutt]]
*[[Santino William Legan]]
*[[Sayfullo Saipov]]
*[[Sebastian Bosse]]
*[[Shuaiby|Shuaiby Aslam]]
*[[Stephen Kazmierczak]]
*[[Stephen Paddock]]
*[[Thomas Watt Hamilton]]
*[[Tim Kretschmer]]
*[[Tobias Rathjen]]
*[[Verne Troyer]]
*[[Vladislav Roslyakov]]
*[[William Atchison]]
*[[Woo Bum-kon]]

=== IRL usage of ''an Hero'' prior to the 20th century [[faggotry|fagification]] of the [[Engrish]] language ===
While "an Hero" is regarded as a grammatical error by modern [[Noam Chomsky|linguists]], [[tl;dr|usage of the quantifier ''an'' before words that started with a morpheme of the pattern ''CV'' that began with an ''h'' in the onset was common usage before the <s>17th</s>20th century]]. {{tinyquote|But thou complying with thy princely wrath, hast shamed an Hero whom themselves the Gods delight to honor|Cowper's translation of Homer, circa 1790. Clearly, this implies that Mitchell Henderson is a time traveler from the 16th century who killed himself over a perceived decline in the English language.}}

As h is often unspoken in certain British dialects, the "an" of "an hero" could be phonetically appropriate when speaking cockney:
{{tinyquote|'E's an 'ero for savin' me mum!}}

'''''A Dictionary of the English Language''''' (1824), defines the word ''heroical'' as something befitting [https://books.google.com/books?id=lqsRAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA348&dq=%22an+hero%22#v=onepage&q=%22an%20hero%22&f=false an hero].

'''''The Gentleman's Magazine''''' (1787) [https://books.google.com/books?id=ykwDAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA209&dq=%22an+hero%22#v=onepage&q=%22an%20hero%22&f=false uses] an hero like a pro, and also includes many references to [[penis|Johnson]].

==Honoring An Heroes==
===An hero Day===
[[Image:Mickey-suicide.jpg|thumb|right|an hero day]]
*On '''April 20, 571''' AD, Mohammed was born. For centuries to come, countless [[Islam|Muslims]] would honor their prophet by becoming an heroes.
*On April 20th, [[At least 100 years ago|1889]], [[Adolf Hitler]] was born. After causing [[Holocaust|lulz]], he became an hero.
*On April 20th, [[World War II|1945]] - [[military|The US Military]] captured Leipzig, Germany. Leipzig's mayor killed himself, becoming an hero, but not before he killed his wife and child for the lulz, making him pretty awesome; otherwise nobody would give a shit about him.
*On April 20th, 1978, a war "jouralist" [[White Devils|cumskin]] named Lord Richard Cecil decided to exist in [[Africa]] so that he could cover the [[Zimbabwe|Rhodesian bush war]]. His mayo monkey arse was predictably reduced to 0HP by a [[Nigger]]. Dumbass Honky.
*On April 20th, 1998, A German-Iranian kid was born with the name of [[Ali Sonboly]]. In 2016, he would cause his own lulzfest in Munich.
*On April 20th, 1999, [[Columbine|two heroes]] named Eric and Dylan decided to shoot up their school for the lulz. After killing 13 people, they became an heroes.
*On April 20th, [[2006]], [[Mitchell Henderson]] was having a bad day, and he couldn't find his [[iPod]]. He finally couldn't take it anymore, and so he became an hero.
*On April 20th, [[2007]], [[wikipedia:Johnson_Space_Center_Shooting|a man raided mission control]] in [[Houston]] and shot a hostage before shooting himself. Houston, we have an hero.
*On April 20th, 2007, [[Ben Vodden]] hanged himself because his bus driver called him a wank.
*On April 20th, [[2010]], an [[oil]] rig off the Gulf Coast called [[Deepwater Horizon]] was blown up by [[Islam|Muslims]]. Stoners all over the world didn't notice.
*An hero day is also '''[[Weed|4/20]]''', count on many stoners tripping balls as you end yourself

===[[Asperger's Syndrome|Songs]]===

==== Hero Anthem ====
[[Image:Lemmingsbecominganheroes.jpg|thumb|right|[[The An Heroes of Bridgend|Teenagers in a small town in south Wales becoming an heroes]] [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/bridgend-deaths-police-warn-of-bebo-internet-suicide-cult-774532.html simultaneously].]]

:''Where have all the good parents gone?''
:''And where is my iPod?''
:''Where's the street-wise bullies?''
:''To assault me after school?''
:''Isn't there a teacher in a fiery tie?''
:''Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I'll be''

:'''''(Chorus)'''''
:''I'll be An Hero''
:''I'm becoming An Hero at the end of the night''
:''I just killed two cops''
:''And I'm gonna be dead''
:''And I'm gonna be fresh from the morgue''

:''I'll be An Hero''
:''I'll be discovered by Mom in the morning light''
:''I had a bad day''
:''And I was called gay''
:''And now I'm gonna be larger than life''

:''I’ll be An Hero''

:''Somewhere after midnight''
:''In my depressing LiveJournals''
:''Somewhere, just beyond my reach''
:''There's a noose in reach of me''

:''Racing to the bathtub''
:''And cutting both my wrists''
:''It's gonna take a headshot to sweep me off my feet, yeah''

:'''''(Repeat Chorus)'''''

:''Down where the grave meet the Hells below''
:''Out where the trolls splits MySpace''
:''I swear everyone says [[DO IT FAGGOT]] to me''
:''Through the wind and the chill and the rain''
:''As I drink all the bleach''
:''I can feel its approach like a fire in my throat''

:'''''(Repeat Chorus)'''''
:''I’ll be An Hero''
:''I'm becoming An Hero at the end of the night''
:''I just killed two cops''
:''And I’m gonna be dead''
:''And I’m gonna be fresh from the morgue''

:''I’ll be An Hero''
:''I'll be discovered by Mom in the morning light''
:''I had a bad day''
:''And I was called gay''
:''And now I’m gonna be larger than life''

:''Now I’m An Hero.''

==== An Heroes Song ====

[[Image:Scorpio.png|thumb|right|Scorpios were born to An Hero.]]
(To the tune of "Heroes" by David Bowie.)

''I-I wish I could find''

''Find my iPod-Nano 16 gig''

''Though nothing-nothing will keep us together''

''I can't find it-I've lost it forever''

''Oh I'll be an hero-on 'An Hero Day'''

''We-we've been playing''

''Playing-playing some 'Doom'''

''And Manson he told us to slay''

''Oh let's be an heroes-on 'An Hero Day'''

''We can PWN them-on 'An Hero Day'''

''I-I went on Bebo''

''I saw-BSC''

''And in Wales-and found me a tree''

''Tied my rope-put my neck through the hoop''

''But before-told 'The Sun' bout me''

''I stood on the stool-kicked it from beneath me''

''Oh I'll be an hero-cos Bridgend is shit''

''Let's be an heroes (3X)''

''On 'An Hero Day'''

''Let's be an heroes''

''We're dying, and dying by ourselves''

''We need attention, oh put me on 4chan''

''But we could be famous, til the meme dies''

''Oh, oh, oh, ohhh-oh, oh, oh, ohhh, on 'An Hero Day'''

''Oh, on 'An Hero Day'''

==== NotAnotherAnthem ====

''I promised him I wouldn't be reckless. I promised him I'd be okay...I love him....tell him I love him. And tell him to not be so upset about me...I don't want him to dwell on what could have been. I don't want to ruin his life.''

====The [[fact|Official]] An Hero Song====
 
{{frame|<youtube>LW3K_zzlH4Y</youtube>|margin=auto}}
 

==The "An Hero" Paradox==
[[Image:Wlkyanhero.jpg|thumb|right|Even the liberal [[media]] wants you to become an hero.]]

Scientists have theorized about what is known as the "An Hero" paradox. In order for such a paradox to take place, two people with [[iPod]]s must steal each other's [[iPod]]. The obligation to become an hero would conflict with the gain of an [[iPod]], most likely producing the same results as [[Divide by zero|dividing by zero]].

Scientists resolved the problem by confirming that anyone who owns an [[iPod]] should become an hero immediately due to the intense [[fail]] of [[iPod]]s. The only problem with this is that only [[emo]] [[faggots]] use [[iPod]]s. And [[you]] should know that emos never kill themselves (sadly).

==Videos==
===Video tutorials on how and how not to an hero===
 
{{center|
{{frame|
{{videoframe|hero2vids|font-weight: bold;|
|<dailymotion>x3qtvz_alternate-happy-days-tv-intro_fun</dailymotion>
;1
|<youtube>ErOHLMmaZ3Y</youtube>
;2}}
|}}
}}
 
=== GLORIOUS NUCLEAR SUICIDE ===
 
<center>{{frame|<youtube>wcW_Ygs6hm0</youtube>
<center>'''Of all the ways to become an hero, this is the best by far'''}}</center>
 


==Gallery Of An Heroism==
{{Incompletehero}}
{{cg|Gallery|anherogallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Mitchellhenderson.jpg|[[Mitchell Henderson]]
Image:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|[[Budd Dwyer]]
Image:Robin-williams-suicide.png|[[Robin Williams|Even millionaires seek attention sometimes]].
Image:Jailsuicide.gif
Image:Anhero3.gif|[[Ricardo Lopez|A tribute to]] [[Tranny|Bjork]].
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:SamHengel.jpg|[[Sam Hengel|Good example of Troll's Remorse]].
File:ItsBetterThisWay.gif
Image:an_other_slowly_hero.jpeg
Image:Anhero-animu-motivational.png| [[Animu]] [[An Hero]]
File:Hero.gif
Image:Derren Brown Russian Roulette gLk7AR.jpg | Brit fag in the middle of An Heroing
Image:Emile_Henry_1872-1894.jpg|Vintage 19th Century French An Hero.
Image:HaroMerge.jpg
Image:Anherologs.png|[[Bureaucratic fuck]]s on an hero.
Image:an_hero_emo_Hardcore.gif|Typical an hero wallpaper.
Image:DawnOfTheBlackHearts.jpg|[[Black Metal|Per "Dead" Ohlin of Mayhem]].
Image:Anherodiver.PNG|Yahoo!
Image:An_heroes_1.png
Image:Annhiro.jpg|The fuck you carr me for??
Image:Jakeroberts.jpg|[[An Wiiro]]
Image:anheromotivational.jpg
Image:LocalAnHeroes.jpg|<center>Support your local an hero! (They won't die if you don't give them a reason.)</center>
Image:Anheroic.jpg|calling helen of troy 'an heroic voice' is pretty fucking lulzy, in general
Image:Jennygrant.jpg|Sometimes [[Jenny Grant|whores]] an hero too.
Image:Angyrohero-1-.jpg
Image:Prinz.jpg
Image:BandDBurgers.JPG|Eating a 4 pound hamburger and a pound of fries doesn't make one an hero, but since the creator used quotation marks, we forgive him.
Image:SuicideGuidline.jpg|Proper guideline for arranging an hero entertainment.
Image:Stupid nigger.gif|black person have difficulty becoming an hero.
File:An bundy.jpg|Bundy approved
File:Becumanhurro.jpg|Do what the big man says.
Image:Anheronerd.jpg
File:Baby an hero.jpg|It's never too early to start.
File:4chan pilleating cracker.jpg|OP pulls off a [[ripper]]/[[CandyJunkie]]
File:OP is dead.jpg|I accidently the entire bottle,is this bad?
File:IMHOMERSIMP.png|[[The Simpsons|Well, I don't need safety gloves, BECAUSE I'M HOMER SIMP-]]
File:Kaboom.gif
File:An_hero.jpg
File:An_hero2.jpg
File:An_hero_is_born.jpg
File:An_hero_is_kaeliah.gif
File:An_hero_vs_an_aspie.png
File:An_heronie.jpg
File:Swayzak2.jpg|Swayzak, a rare case when the an hero is obscure CGI.
File:Kermit-falling.gif|Even [[Muppets|Kermit The Frog]] can become an hero!

</gallery>}}

==See Also==
*[[A and an]]
*[[An Halo]]
*[[An hero day]]
*[[Bullying]]
*[[Coffin]]
*[[Final solution]]
*[[Golden iPod]]
*[[Robert Seman]]
*[[League of an Heroes]]
*[[Lil Peep]]
*[[Kate Spade]]
*[[Mia Janin]]
*[[Mitchell Heisman]]
*[[OldDirtyBtard]]
*[[Ricky Rodriguez]]
*[[Stiletto Null]]
*[[Suicide]]
*[[Suicidal Failure]]
*[[The An Heroes of Bridgend]]
*[[The Choking Game]]
*[[Tiziana_Cantone|Tiziana Cantone]]
*[[Rorochan]]
*[[My Hero Academia]]
*[[Swayzak]]

Or you could just look at the template down below.

'''The Happening'''

In this movie, an unknown source releases a chemical that causes entire populations of people to kill themselves and become an heroes. As a matter of fact, the only people in the movie who do not become an heroes are the main characters, as if this wasn't a drawn-out horror movie [[meme|cliché]]. As the movie does not explain much about it's own plot in the end and watching it is a huge waste of time for anybody.

Actually, the 'unknown source' was a bunch of [[LOL WUT|fucking plants]]. Angry, vengeful plants. Never before in a movie have there been so many stock shots of wind blowing ominously through foliage, and never before have so many enviro-Nazis simultaneously wet themselves.

==External Links==
*{{wayback|http://stupidteencrimes.com/|20100426021745|title=Stupid Teen Crimes}}
*'''{{archive|gPAQC|TAIWO AKINKUNMI - AN HERO WITHOUT HONOR}}'''
*[http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/7234115.stm Bridgend], where Heroes go to copy the [[Internets]]. 
*[[wikipedia:Frustration|The cause of an heroism on TOW]]
*'''{{archive|1PWKb|A list of An Heros and Attempted Heros}}'''
*'''{{archive|2YgDf|LHC an hero!}}'''
*{{wayback|http://mitchellanhenderson.ytmnd.com/|20100210092714}}
*[http://www.depressed.net/suicide/]
*[https://au.news.yahoo.com/worker-commits-suicide-over-misplaced-iphone-5743721.html Worker commits suicide over misplaced iPhone]
*'''{{archive|Bu67O|Man commits suicide after losing free buffet for life at casino.}}'''
*'''{{archive|B29ln|Some redneck kills wife, four others and self over EGGS.}}'''
*[https://darwinawards.com/ Big collection of heroes who did it for the lulz.]
{{clear}}

{{anheroes}}
{{Dying_Alone}}
{{Trolls}}
{{Memes}}
{{top16}}
{{Timeline|Featured article April 20, [[2008]]|[[Aliza Shvarts]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[God hates fags]]}}

{{timeline|Featured article September 19 & 20, [[2018]]|[[Suicide]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Mitchell Henderson]]}}

[[Category:An Heroes| ]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Guro]]

An hero

2025-07-06T03:50:33Z

Bluenose25: /* IRL usage of an Hero prior to the 20th century fagification of the Engrish language */

'' ''Not to be confused with [[Suicide]]''.''
See also: [[Mitchell Henderson]]. He was an inspiration.
<center>
[[File:An_heroes.jpg]]
</center>

There comes a time in every man's life when situations spiral out of control and he finds his back against an wall. Maybe somebody [[Mitchell Henderson|stole his iPod]]. Maybe he just [[Chris Benoit|killed his wife and kids]]. Maybe he looked in the mirror and saw a [[you|Fucktard]]. Maybe you can't live with the fact that you're a [[David Carradine|washed-up actor who's addicted to sex with Thai ladyboys]]. Whatever the reason, you can either get up and face the [[butthurt|music]], or you can tell the world and whatever deity you believe in to fuck off. In the latter case, pull out your list of [[final solution]]s and place a check in the [[suicide]] [[boxxy|box]], because [[TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL|tonight, you dine in hell]].
Simply [[suicide|pwning oneself]] [[IRL]] is no cause to become '''"''An Hero''"'''. Without exceptions, '''"''An Heroes''"''' are made, not born. You cannot fucking be An Hero, get over it!! When [[everyone|otherwise normal and rational people]] fondly eulogize and honor those that have killed themselves before them, that's when '''"''An Hero''"''' is made. Like it or not, somebody out there probably gives a [[shit]] about Kurt Cobain. Could anyone say the same about you? That's why you'll never amount to anything. You'll never be '''"''An Hero''"'''. Don't let us stop you from trying, though. Having said that, becoming an hero is [[shit]] because you won't get to see the results of your [[suicide|successful endeavors]] (assuming Hell doesn't have a live broadcast of your funeral, you absolute pancake). However, if you do a [[school shooting]] and don't kill yourself, you just might. With a lot of luck. Don't expect not to get raped and murdered in prison, or executed in the electric [[chair]]. There is no half/almost/soon An Hero. Either you blow your brains out and become An Hero or don't, but in your case, please do.

The phrase "An Hero" dates back to [[2006]], in reference to the prototypical An Hero, [[Mitchell Henderson]], who famously shot himself after losing his iPod. /b/tards jumped on a [[A and an|grammatical error]] made by many of his [[MySpace]] [[hugbox|friends]], and it is now immortalized as the banner under which we mock those courteous enough to [[Darwin Awards|remove themselves from the gene pool]]. Since then, an heroes of all ages have bravely been removing themselves from the gene pool, including '''{{archive|hSfRj|3 year olds}}'''.

== You and Your Potential An Hero ==
[[Image:Candyjunkie 2008-11-22 daily news.jpg|thumb|When you become an hero, you make front pages!1]]
[[Image:Budd Dwyer NES.jpg|thumb|Inspiring an heroes since 1987.]]
[[You]] hate life. [[No one likes you|You have no friends]]. Your dad is an [[alcoholic]]. [[Your mom]] is a [[slut]]. School sucks. You get molested after class. You couldn't get a Wii two years ago or today. You lost your iPod, which, by the way, had shitty music on it. You're [[gay]]. You get bullied. No one loves you. Everyone hates you. You just lost [[the game]]. You've been thinking about becoming an hero for a while now, but are not sure. Will anyone care? Have you given the [[military]] a try? Will anyone remember you? No, because you're unimportant and no one would miss you if they even knew who you were. Now you have to get set on changing that.

===Why you are NOT An Hero===
[[Image:Morrison.jpg|thumb|right|I'm dying Squirtle]]
*You have lost your Zune.
*You have friends who can spell.
*[[Jolene JRyda|The only people who fell for your faked suicide were juggalos.]]
*You did not kill yourself.
*You are still alive.
*Your eulogy is not posted on <del>[[MySpace]]</del> [[Facebook]]
*You are not Heath Ledger.
*You are not a [[16 year old girl]]
*You haven't finished drafting your suicide note.
*You are not Hammy Havoc.
*You are a Jew.
*You are a [[ginger]].

===Why you ARE An Hero===
[[Image:Kurtcobain.jpg|thumb|right|The worst an hero. Can't you please fucking die a second time?]]
[[Image:Shottieluv.jpg|thumb|right|Thank me later ED]]
*You lost your [[iPod]].
*You [https://appleinsider.com/articles/09/07/21/worker_commits_suicide_after_iphone_prototype_goes_missing_reports.html lost] your [[iPhone]] 4G Prototype.
*You have lost the game.
*[[No one likes you]].
*[[An Wiiro|Your dad would not let you play Wii]].
*The world shall not [[ignore]] your pain any longer..
*You got a ticket for a ride on a [[Heaven's Gate|spaceship behind a comet.]]
*Your girlfriend dumped you.
*Your parents won't let you go see [[My Chemical Romance]].
*[[Rudolph Zurick|Your prison lover left you]].
*You are in an "internet suicide room."
*You got rejected from [[MIT]] or [[Harvard]].
*The [[Codey Porter|sand ninjas]] from ''Naruto'' made you kill yourself in a small sandbox.
*[[L._Ron_Hubbard|You]] overdosed on drugs when trying to create more stories for your [[Scientology|cult]] to believe.
*You get butthurt from people calling you a [[newfag]], when in reality...[[Fail|you are]].
*[[Self injury]] just wasn't enough.
*[[Twilight|Edward Cullen]] won't respond to your emails.
*You're [[Welfare|unemployed]].
*[[Megan Meier|You are in love with Josh Evans]].
*You think the internet is [[real]] life and you're AN HERO because some one who lives 5000 miles away says that your [[YouTube]] video is shit.
*You own a [[MacBook Air]].
*You're a "victim" of sexting.
*[[Your mom]] cancelled your [[World of Warcraft]] account.
*You are distraught that [[Michael Jackson]] died before he had a chance to molest you.
*You haven't had a girlfriend since [[1984]], and haven't gotten laid since [[George Sodini|1990]].
*You enjoy [[Dustin Michaels|choking on both cocks and weed]].
*You are [[Wikipedia:Jeremy Michael Boorda|Admiral Boorda]] and know that you'll never earn that fifth star.
*You are into [[Autoerotic asphyxiation]] and your [[orgasm]] lasted longer than you thought.
*You got falsely banned on a random wiki.
*[[Ricardo Lopez|You simp for Björk]]

===Famous Implements Used to Become An Hero===
[[Image:Wannabeanhero.jpg|thumb|right|No beating around the bush here.]]
[[File:Kill yourself desu.png|thumb|right|[[Some argue]] that anime contains subliminal messages that influence people to become an heroes]]
*[[Guns]]
*[[cutting|Razor blades]]
*[[Mitchell Henderson|A lost Ipod]]
*[[Mr. Hands|Sex with a horse]]
*[[Chris Benoit|Strangulation]]
*[[Criss Angel|Being a witch]]
*<s>[[Kool-aid]]</s> Actually [[fact|it was Grape Flavor-Aid]], Hollywood made it Kool-Aid.
*[[Kurt Cobain|Shotgun Mouthwash]]
*[[Lil_Peep|Drugs]]
*[[The Great Sonic-cide of 2007|Bricks and knives]]
*[[Robert Hawkins|Shooting up malls claiming you'll be famous]]
*[[Jesus|Pissing off the Jews and Romans, then carrying a crucifix up a hill so you can get nailed to it]]
*[[JEWS DID WTC|An American Aeroplane]]
*A circular saw
*[[Amanda Todd|Bleach]]
*Listening to the [[Anti-Lulz|<strike>Jonas</strike> Faggot]] Brothers
*Listening to Miley Cyrus
*[[Doki Doki Literature Club|Rope]]

==Types Of An Heroes==
===The Main Ones (Male And Female)===
==== "An Hero" ====
[[Image:Nigga_an_hero.PNG|thumb|right|Nigga drank bleach]]
[[Image:Nextanhero.jpg|thumb|left|An Hero coming soon?!]]
[[Image:Lulzycolumbine1.jpg|thumb|left|An heroes to us all!]]
[[Image:YahooAnHero.jpg|thumb|left|[[unfunny|Become an hero!]]]]

{{quote|I'm not a boy, I'm just an hero, I'm not a man, I'm an hero.|[[gay|Gerard Way]] of [[My Chemical Romance|My Chemical Bromance]]}}

In spite of the obvious similarities, "an Hero" should not be confused with "[[Nigra|a Negro]]" or "[[Necrophilia|a Necro]]".

It is also an obscure [[fact]] that the song "And the Hero Will Drown" by Story of the Year was originally titled "An Hero Will Drown Himself".

[[File:Thic_quang_duc.jpg|thumb|Greatest an hero of all time.]]

It is a little known fact that the plural of an hero is "one's heroes," its grammar based in [[British]] [[English]]. This will remain a little known fact, [[Noone cares|as nobody gives a fuck]].

=====Japanese East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere An Hero=====

Yukio Mishima, Japan's leading Cocksman, achieved the highest score playing seppuku on his [[Nintendo]] Color TV Game. For his achievements, The Japanese Self Defense Forces gave him a high-five and a pat on the back for good measure, but secretly they laughed at him behind his back. Mishima saw a printed [[AIM]] CONVO of their giggling and was transformed into a mighty Showa [[Emo]]fag. He knew that something had to be done immediately, so he went inside and had one of his pretty young men behead him after he disemboweled himself.

{{frame|<youtube>IasOkulcDQk</youtube>|margin=auto}}

==== "[[An Heroine]]" ====
[[Image:Sexy an heroine.jpg|thumb|The fakest an [[Whore|heroine]] that ever was.]]
For most men, before they become "An Hero", they kill themselves in order to deliver a final "Fuck You" to the world. Male suicide is [[over 9000]] times more prevalent than female suicide, simply because a man has [[at least 100]] times as much testosterone as your average woman, and is usually possessed of a certain degree of mechanical aptitude, which women never are.

Women commit suicide for one of only two reasons. In the lesser case, they've lost someone they love and can't imagine [[dying alone]]. They decide to do Mother Nature and humanity a solid by also removing themselves from the gene pool.

In all other cases, the woman attempts [[suicide]] and fucks up, resulting in her accidental death. Women are impelled to feign suicide whenever they are beset by despair. [[Attention whore|These women]] believe that people around them will support and comfort them, even if the only person from whom they're in danger is themselves. This is colloquially known as a "cry for help". They tend to use "sleeping pills" in their attempt and often need to try again. Maybe if they self-headshotted like a real man, they'd be successful.

''See also:'' [[Unrealistic Expectations]] and [[Celebrity|Hollywood Martyr]]. The only female an heroes worth mentioning are [[Megan Meier]], whose suicide produced epic [[BAWWW]] all over the internets, and [[Christine Chubbuck]], a '70s news anchor who shot herself during a live newscast moments after [[did it for the lulz|making a joke]] that she was doing so in accordance with network policy to bring the viewers more "blood and guts".

=====[[JEWS DID WTC|Emos did Hannah Bond]]=====

Those who comprise the 'emo scene', specifically [[My Chemical Romance]], were criticized by the coroner at the inquest into the death (by hanging) of a girl from Maidstone, Kent in the [[United Kingdom]] named [[Hannah Bond]].

Fuck her.

===An Villain===
[[File:NaomiMisoraAnHero.png|thumb|With the help of a [[Death Note|magic notebook]], this woman became an hero. The an villain who had the same notebook made this happen.]]
Sometimes an heroes need a gentle nudge in the right direction, this is why "an villains" exist. By committing some serious [[IRL]] trolling, you too can drive that wannabe an hero to achieve his/her full potential. Good examples of an villains include [[Gary Oak]] (the Ash you see nowadays is a different one), [[Jesus]] and Bowser. Be warned that even though being an villain is a kind and noble act, many do not see it this way. Many will try to hurt, kill, rape or even troll you (it's like the goatse man getting goatsed). Be sure to always pack some heat and carry a razor blade; an villains can turn into an heroes too.

===An Sidekick===
Sometimes a person's motivation for becoming an hero is the very thing that prevents them from doing so; due to [[AIDS|sickness]], [[Christopher Reeve|paralysis]], [[Josef Fritzl|incarceration]] or even mental retardation. In this case they may need to recruit an sidekick to [[Murder|assist]] them in their [[Suicide|endeavour]], usually a close friend, family member, or helpful doctor.

===SecondhANd HERO===
[[Copypasta]] from [[TOW]]:

[[wikipedia:Anna_Svidersky|Anna Esther Svidersky]] (April 26, 1988 – April 20, 2006) was a [[16-year-old girl|teenager]] who lived in the U.S. city of Vancouver, Washington, and was murdered while working in a [[McDonald's]] restaurant, by schizophrenic sex offender David Barton Sullivan. News of her [[death]] quickly spread worldwide, initially through the [[Internet]] friends site [[MySpace]], where she had a personal page, and then through other [[ED|similar sites]].

===An Hero Deluxe===

These are just like the inferior version, with one exciting difference: they kill everyone they encounter, and then use their last bullet to clean the slate.

====Instructions====

#Having made all other preparations common to regular procedure, proceed to your nearest arms dealer, the more illegal the better.
#Buy whatever you can lay your hands on (bonus points for automatics and/or [[shotgun]]s).
#Find an occupied area (bonus points for schools and hospitals; score is doubled if you hate anyone usually found there).
#Kill em' all, baby.
#Remember: that last shot is for you.

====Notable Instances:====
{{Incompletehero}}
*[[Adam Lanza]]
*[[Asa Coon]]
*[[Munich Massacre|Ali David Sonboly]]
*[[Brandon Scott Hole]]
*[[Vester Lee "Bryce Williams" Flanagan II|Bryce Williams]]
*[[Chris Benoit]]
*[[Chris Harper-Mercer]]
*[[Cho Seung-Hui]]
*[[Devin Patrick Kelley]]
*[[Columbine|Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris]]
*[[Elliot Rodger]]
*[[Éric Borel]]
*[[Campinas Cathedral Shooting|Euler Fernando Grandolpho]]
*[[Zug Massacre|Friedrich Leibacher]]
*[[Luby's massacre|George Hennard]]
*[[George Sodini]]
*[[Gian Luigi Ferri]]
*[[Gleb Korablev]]
*[[Suzano School Shooting|Guilherme Taucci Monteiro and Luiz Henrique de Castro]]
*[[Jake Davison]]
*[[Jaylen Fryberg]]
*[[Jeff Weise]]
*[[Kimveer Gill]]
*[[Marc Lepine]]
*[[Nghtmrchld26|Matthew Murray]]
*[[Michael Kenneth McLendon]]
*[[Michael Ryan]]
*[[Mutsuo Toi]]
*[[Nasim Aghdam]]
*[[Pekka-Eric Auvinen]]
*[[Philipp Fusz]]
*[[Randy Robert Stair]]
*[[Rickard Andersson]]
*[[Rina Palenkova]]
*[[Robert Card]]
*[[Robert Hawkins]]
*[[Robert Steinhäuser]]
*[[Ronnie McNutt]]
*[[Santino William Legan]]
*[[Sayfullo Saipov]]
*[[Sebastian Bosse]]
*[[Shuaiby|Shuaiby Aslam]]
*[[Stephen Kazmierczak]]
*[[Stephen Paddock]]
*[[Thomas Watt Hamilton]]
*[[Tim Kretschmer]]
*[[Tobias Rathjen]]
*[[Verne Troyer]]
*[[Vladislav Roslyakov]]
*[[William Atchison]]
*[[Woo Bum-kon]]

=== IRL usage of ''an Hero'' prior to the 20th century [[faggotry|fagification]] of the [[Engrish]] language ===
While "an Hero" is regarded as a grammatical error by modern [[Noam Chomsky|linguists]], [[tl;dr|usage of the quantifier ''an'' before words that started with a morpheme of the pattern ''CV'' that began with an ''h'' in the onset was common usage before the <s>17th</s>20th century]]. {{tinyquote|But thou complying with thy princely wrath, hast shamed an Hero whom themselves the Gods delight to honor|Cowper's translation of Homer, circa 1790. Clearly, this implies that Mitchell Henderson is a time traveler from the 16th century who killed himself over a perceived decline in the English language.}}

As h is often unspoken in certain British dialects, the "an" of "an hero" could be phonetically appropriate when speaking cockney:
[[File:Images (86).jpg|thumb|Bullied white NERDS wanna do it too!]]
{{tinyquote|'E's an 'ero for savin' me mum!}}

'''''A Dictionary of the English Language''''' (1824), defines the word ''heroical'' as something befitting [https://books.google.com/books?id=lqsRAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA348&dq=%22an+hero%22#v=onepage&q=%22an%20hero%22&f=false an hero].

'''''The Gentleman's Magazine''''' (1787) [https://books.google.com/books?id=ykwDAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA209&dq=%22an+hero%22#v=onepage&q=%22an%20hero%22&f=false uses] an hero like a pro, and also includes many references to [[penis|Johnson]].

==Honoring An Heroes==
===An hero Day===
[[Image:Mickey-suicide.jpg|thumb|right|an hero day]]
*On '''April 20, 571''' AD, Mohammed was born. For centuries to come, countless [[Islam|Muslims]] would honor their prophet by becoming an heroes.
*On April 20th, [[At least 100 years ago|1889]], [[Adolf Hitler]] was born. After causing [[Holocaust|lulz]], he became an hero.
*On April 20th, [[World War II|1945]] - [[military|The US Military]] captured Leipzig, Germany. Leipzig's mayor killed himself, becoming an hero, but not before he killed his wife and child for the lulz, making him pretty awesome; otherwise nobody would give a shit about him.
*On April 20th, 1978, a war "jouralist" [[White Devils|cumskin]] named Lord Richard Cecil decided to exist in [[Africa]] so that he could cover the [[Zimbabwe|Rhodesian bush war]]. His mayo monkey arse was predictably reduced to 0HP by a [[Nigger]]. Dumbass Honky.
*On April 20th, 1998, A German-Iranian kid was born with the name of [[Ali Sonboly]]. In 2016, he would cause his own lulzfest in Munich.
*On April 20th, 1999, [[Columbine|two heroes]] named Eric and Dylan decided to shoot up their school for the lulz. After killing 13 people, they became an heroes.
*On April 20th, [[2006]], [[Mitchell Henderson]] was having a bad day, and he couldn't find his [[iPod]]. He finally couldn't take it anymore, and so he became an hero.
*On April 20th, [[2007]], [[wikipedia:Johnson_Space_Center_Shooting|a man raided mission control]] in [[Houston]] and shot a hostage before shooting himself. Houston, we have an hero.
*On April 20th, 2007, [[Ben Vodden]] hanged himself because his bus driver called him a wank.
*On April 20th, [[2010]], an [[oil]] rig off the Gulf Coast called [[Deepwater Horizon]] was blown up by [[Islam|Muslims]]. Stoners all over the world didn't notice.
*An hero day is also '''[[Weed|4/20]]''', count on many stoners tripping balls as you end yourself

===[[Asperger's Syndrome|Songs]]===

==== Hero Anthem ====
[[Image:Lemmingsbecominganheroes.jpg|thumb|right|[[The An Heroes of Bridgend|Teenagers in a small town in south Wales becoming an heroes]] [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/bridgend-deaths-police-warn-of-bebo-internet-suicide-cult-774532.html simultaneously].]]

:''Where have all the good parents gone?''
:''And where is my iPod?''
:''Where's the street-wise bullies?''
:''To assault me after school?''
:''Isn't there a teacher in a fiery tie?''
:''Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I'll be''

:'''''(Chorus)'''''
:''I'll be An Hero''
:''I'm becoming An Hero at the end of the night''
:''I just killed two cops''
:''And I'm gonna be dead''
:''And I'm gonna be fresh from the morgue''

:''I'll be An Hero''
:''I'll be discovered by Mom in the morning light''
:''I had a bad day''
:''And I was called gay''
:''And now I'm gonna be larger than life''

:''I’ll be An Hero''

:''Somewhere after midnight''
:''In my depressing LiveJournals''
:''Somewhere, just beyond my reach''
:''There's a noose in reach of me''

:''Racing to the bathtub''
:''And cutting both my wrists''
:''It's gonna take a headshot to sweep me off my feet, yeah''

:'''''(Repeat Chorus)'''''

:''Down where the grave meet the Hells below''
:''Out where the trolls splits MySpace''
:''I swear everyone says [[DO IT FAGGOT]] to me''
:''Through the wind and the chill and the rain''
:''As I drink all the bleach''
:''I can feel its approach like a fire in my throat''

:'''''(Repeat Chorus)'''''
:''I’ll be An Hero''
:''I'm becoming An Hero at the end of the night''
:''I just killed two cops''
:''And I’m gonna be dead''
:''And I’m gonna be fresh from the morgue''

:''I’ll be An Hero''
:''I'll be discovered by Mom in the morning light''
:''I had a bad day''
:''And I was called gay''
:''And now I’m gonna be larger than life''

:''Now I’m An Hero.''

==== An Heroes Song ====

[[Image:Scorpio.png|thumb|right|Scorpios were born to An Hero.]]
(To the tune of "Heroes" by David Bowie.)

''I-I wish I could find''

''Find my iPod-Nano 16 gig''

''Though nothing-nothing will keep us together''

''I can't find it-I've lost it forever''

''Oh I'll be an hero-on 'An Hero Day'''

''We-we've been playing''

''Playing-playing some 'Doom'''

''And Manson he told us to slay''

''Oh let's be an heroes-on 'An Hero Day'''

''We can PWN them-on 'An Hero Day'''

''I-I went on Bebo''

''I saw-BSC''

''And in Wales-and found me a tree''

''Tied my rope-put my neck through the hoop''

''But before-told 'The Sun' bout me''

''I stood on the stool-kicked it from beneath me''

''Oh I'll be an hero-cos Bridgend is shit''

''Let's be an heroes (3X)''

''On 'An Hero Day'''

''Let's be an heroes''

''We're dying, and dying by ourselves''

''We need attention, oh put me on 4chan''

''But we could be famous, til the meme dies''

''Oh, oh, oh, ohhh-oh, oh, oh, ohhh, on 'An Hero Day'''

''Oh, on 'An Hero Day'''

==== NotAnotherAnthem ====

''I promised him I wouldn't be reckless. I promised him I'd be okay...I love him....tell him I love him. And tell him to not be so upset about me...I don't want him to dwell on what could have been. I don't want to ruin his life.''

====The [[fact|Official]] An Hero Song====
 
{{frame|<youtube>LW3K_zzlH4Y</youtube>|margin=auto}}
 

==The "An Hero" Paradox==
[[Image:Wlkyanhero.jpg|thumb|right|Even the liberal [[media]] wants you to become an hero.]]

Scientists have theorized about what is known as the "An Hero" paradox. In order for such a paradox to take place, two people with [[iPod]]s must steal each other's [[iPod]]. The obligation to become an hero would conflict with the gain of an [[iPod]], most likely producing the same results as [[Divide by zero|dividing by zero]].

Scientists resolved the problem by confirming that anyone who owns an [[iPod]] should become an hero immediately due to the intense [[fail]] of [[iPod]]s. The only problem with this is that only [[emo]] [[faggots]] use [[iPod]]s. And [[you]] should know that emos never kill themselves (sadly).

==Videos==
===Video tutorials on how and how not to an hero===
 
{{center|
{{frame|
{{videoframe|hero2vids|font-weight: bold;|
|<dailymotion>x3qtvz_alternate-happy-days-tv-intro_fun</dailymotion>
;1
|<youtube>ErOHLMmaZ3Y</youtube>
;2}}
|}}
}}
 
=== GLORIOUS NUCLEAR SUICIDE ===
 
<center>{{frame|<youtube>wcW_Ygs6hm0</youtube>
<center>'''Of all the ways to become an hero, this is the best by far'''}}</center>
 


==Gallery Of An Heroism==
{{Incompletehero}}
{{cg|Gallery|anherogallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Mitchellhenderson.jpg|[[Mitchell Henderson]]
Image:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|[[Budd Dwyer]]
Image:Robin-williams-suicide.png|[[Robin Williams|Even millionaires seek attention sometimes]].
Image:Jailsuicide.gif
Image:Anhero3.gif|[[Ricardo Lopez|A tribute to]] [[Tranny|Bjork]].
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:SamHengel.jpg|[[Sam Hengel|Good example of Troll's Remorse]].
File:ItsBetterThisWay.gif
Image:an_other_slowly_hero.jpeg
Image:Anhero-animu-motivational.png| [[Animu]] [[An Hero]]
File:Hero.gif
Image:Derren Brown Russian Roulette gLk7AR.jpg | Brit fag in the middle of An Heroing
Image:Emile_Henry_1872-1894.jpg|Vintage 19th Century French An Hero.
Image:HaroMerge.jpg
Image:Anherologs.png|[[Bureaucratic fuck]]s on an hero.
Image:an_hero_emo_Hardcore.gif|Typical an hero wallpaper.
Image:DawnOfTheBlackHearts.jpg|[[Black Metal|Per "Dead" Ohlin of Mayhem]].
Image:Anherodiver.PNG|Yahoo!
Image:An_heroes_1.png
Image:Annhiro.jpg|The fuck you carr me for??
Image:Jakeroberts.jpg|[[An Wiiro]]
Image:anheromotivational.jpg
Image:LocalAnHeroes.jpg|<center>Support your local an hero! (They won't die if you don't give them a reason.)</center>
Image:Anheroic.jpg|calling helen of troy 'an heroic voice' is pretty fucking lulzy, in general
Image:Jennygrant.jpg|Sometimes [[Jenny Grant|whores]] an hero too.
Image:Angyrohero-1-.jpg
Image:Prinz.jpg
Image:BandDBurgers.JPG|Eating a 4 pound hamburger and a pound of fries doesn't make one an hero, but since the creator used quotation marks, we forgive him.
Image:SuicideGuidline.jpg|Proper guideline for arranging an hero entertainment.
Image:Stupid nigger.gif|black person have difficulty becoming an hero.
File:An bundy.jpg|Bundy approved
File:Becumanhurro.jpg|Do what the big man says.
Image:Anheronerd.jpg
File:Baby an hero.jpg|It's never too early to start.
File:4chan pilleating cracker.jpg|OP pulls off a [[ripper]]/[[CandyJunkie]]
File:OP is dead.jpg|I accidently the entire bottle,is this bad?
File:IMHOMERSIMP.png|[[The Simpsons|Well, I don't need safety gloves, BECAUSE I'M HOMER SIMP-]]
File:Kaboom.gif
File:An_hero.jpg
File:An_hero2.jpg
File:An_hero_is_born.jpg
File:An_hero_is_kaeliah.gif
File:An_hero_vs_an_aspie.png
File:An_heronie.jpg
File:Swayzak2.jpg|Swayzak, a rare case when the an hero is obscure CGI.
File:Kermit-falling.gif|Even [[Muppets|Kermit The Frog]] can become an hero!

</gallery>}}

==See Also==
*[[A and an]]
*[[An Halo]]
*[[An hero day]]
*[[Bullying]]
*[[Coffin]]
*[[Final solution]]
*[[Golden iPod]]
*[[Robert Seman]]
*[[League of an Heroes]]
*[[Lil Peep]]
*[[Kate Spade]]
*[[Mia Janin]]
*[[Mitchell Heisman]]
*[[OldDirtyBtard]]
*[[Ricky Rodriguez]]
*[[Stiletto Null]]
*[[Suicide]]
*[[Suicidal Failure]]
*[[The An Heroes of Bridgend]]
*[[The Choking Game]]
*[[Tiziana_Cantone|Tiziana Cantone]]
*[[Rorochan]]
*[[My Hero Academia]]
*[[Swayzak]]

Or you could just look at the template down below.

'''The Happening'''

In this movie, an unknown source releases a chemical that causes entire populations of people to kill themselves and become an heroes. As a matter of fact, the only people in the movie who do not become an heroes are the main characters, as if this wasn't a drawn-out horror movie [[meme|cliché]]. As the movie does not explain much about it's own plot in the end and watching it is a huge waste of time for anybody.

Actually, the 'unknown source' was a bunch of [[LOL WUT|fucking plants]]. Angry, vengeful plants. Never before in a movie have there been so many stock shots of wind blowing ominously through foliage, and never before have so many enviro-Nazis simultaneously wet themselves.

==External Links==
*{{wayback|http://stupidteencrimes.com/|20100426021745|title=Stupid Teen Crimes}}
*'''{{archive|gPAQC|TAIWO AKINKUNMI - AN HERO WITHOUT HONOR}}'''
*[http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/7234115.stm Bridgend], where Heroes go to copy the [[Internets]]. 
*[[wikipedia:Frustration|The cause of an heroism on TOW]]
*'''{{archive|1PWKb|A list of An Heros and Attempted Heros}}'''
*'''{{archive|2YgDf|LHC an hero!}}'''
*{{wayback|http://mitchellanhenderson.ytmnd.com/|20100210092714}}
*[http://www.depressed.net/suicide/]
*[https://au.news.yahoo.com/worker-commits-suicide-over-misplaced-iphone-5743721.html Worker commits suicide over misplaced iPhone]
*'''{{archive|Bu67O|Man commits suicide after losing free buffet for life at casino.}}'''
*'''{{archive|B29ln|Some redneck kills wife, four others and self over EGGS.}}'''
*[https://darwinawards.com/ Big collection of heroes who did it for the lulz.]
{{clear}}

{{anheroes}}
{{Dying_Alone}}
{{Trolls}}
{{Memes}}
{{top16}}
{{Timeline|Featured article April 20, [[2008]]|[[Aliza Shvarts]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[God hates fags]]}}

{{timeline|Featured article September 19 & 20, [[2018]]|[[Suicide]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Mitchell Henderson]]}}

[[Category:An Heroes| ]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Guro]]

Mitchell Henderson

2025-07-06T03:44:32Z

Bluenose25: /* It's officially Daxflame's fault */

{|style="background-color:#d8d8d8; border: 2px solid #000000; padding: 1px; color:red" cellpadding="2" align="center"
|BGCOLOR=#000000| [[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|link=]]
|style="padding:2px"|<center><big>Lose the original iPod?</big></center> <center>This page contains the original [[An hero|hero]].</center>
|}
{{aspergers}}
{{notice|This is an legend that started it all. Be [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS|respectful]].}}
[[Image:Mitchellhenderson.jpg|thumb|History's most celebrated [[An hero]].]]
[[Image:Golden iPod.jpg|thumb|Mitchell received the coveted [[Golden iPod]] for his feat...but then later lost it]]
[[Image:KenVicWreckers.jpg|thumb|"Want an iPod for being a goodboy, [[Ausfag|mayte]]?"]]
[[Image:Lulpwntanhero.jpg|thumb|An alternative reason to become [[an hero]].]]

'''Mitchell Henderson''' (born on July 15, 1992 and died on [[Hitler|April 20]], [[2006]]) [[suicide|killed himself]] over losing an [[iPod]] after realizing how his [[Freemason|parents]] betrayed him after [[sex|human genitalia]] class, listening to [[Morrissey]] and getting bullied for being an [[you|wimpy white kid]]. Mitchell's parents set up an tribute MySpace page for their dead son, which a lucky [[b|/b/tard]] happened to stumble upon and forward to the rest of [[b/|the collective.]] In the wake of Mitch's death were hundreds of misspelled comments from his supposed friends calling him [[An hero|"an Hero"]], an phrase which quickly caught on with the invading anons and has since become an term for an person that causes an [[lollercoaster]] via [[suicide]].

It is now known that the real reason he was depressed was that his Dad video taped him masturbating, probably to [[shotacon]], or other teenage boys, or perhaps wincest, and sold it for [[child porn]]. Henderson's alcoholic, methamphetamine abusing father also anally molested him multiple times with knives, broken beer bottles, and lit crack pipes from the time he turned 9. All his relatives would sit around and fap to the porn, while reminiscing about the time he took an [[Mr Hands|horse cock in the ass and loved it]]. Nonetheless, the pr0n ended up on Henderson's iPod, because he liked to show his gay friends at school (he was only ever popular with the gay boys, anyhow). He thus blew his brains out and died of [[COVID]], causing all kindz of [[lulz]] on the Internet.

His father denied the alleged charges of sexually abusing his son, stating "[[dracoguard|I only ever had sex with the dog]], you [[Sparkling wiggles|fucking niggers]]! I just watched Mitch jack off and sold it to [[Catholic]] Priests as porn! You would've done the same thing if you had an gay son with no future!".

== [[4chan]] parodies ==
[[Image:anwinner.jpg|thumb|An [[winrar]] is you!]]
[[Image:anvillain.jpg|thumb|He was an Villain!]]
[[Image:Mitchhero.gif|thumb|How do I shot myself?]]
Due to his notoriety on [[MySpace]] and the fact that he is "an Hero", the people of 4chan (and most notably [[B|/b/]]) jumped on the bandwagon and created several parody pages, including "Zombie Mitchell". Mitchell's so-called "friends" went and reported it and the Zombie Mitch page is no longer on MySpace. In retaliation, /b/tards posted [[Shitting_dick_nipples|ShittingDickNipples]] and [[Frosted butts|Muddy Dicks]] on the now dead memorial MySpace. Needless to say, there are now many macros with "An hero" ever since.

[[4chan|Someone]] even went so far as to call his parents' home and leave an message about finding his ipod. However, it was not before an brave soul known as [[B|TheShining]] called his parents and left an message (<strike>an recording of the call can be found here[http://media.putfile.com/I-CALLED-MITCH-LOL]</strike> link's dead, redirects to Ebum's).

On August 9th 2006, [[B|/b/]] invaded Mitchell's tribute mourning page, once again showing the true face of the internet, and drawing an line between those who <strike> deserve the title of [[anonymous]] and those who just don't. </strike> are moralfags and those who are in it for the lulz.

Mitchell's death occurred on the same day as [[Hitler]]'s birthday, National [[Weed]] Day, and the [[Columbine]] <s>massacre</s> lulzfest. Thus, this quafecta of [[lulz]]y events has led April 20th to be known as [[An hero day]].

==Jews did Henderson==
3,000 [[Jews]] were absent when Henderson painted his wall. <big>Coincidence???</big>
The truth is that Mitchell didn't kill himself at all; those olfactory-enhanced Zionists merely wanted his iPod, rich with Jew consumerism and [[pr0n]], to bring down our freedom and/or gun rights. Mitchell Henderson was captured and kept in the Jew's hive, but died of starvation since his captors were too Heebish to feed him.

==RIP Mitchell==
[[Image:you'restupidcunt.jpg|thumb|His friends [[fail]] at [[grammar nazi|grammar]].]]
Mitch had an memorial MySpace set up by his friends where they left pictures and long, often homo-erotic, but nevertheless unrelated stories about their experiences with Mitch.

==="He was such an hero"===
<blockquote><big><big>"</big></big>He was such [[an hero]], to take it all away. We miss him so, That you should know, And we honor him this day. He was [[A and an|an]] hero, to take that shot, to leave us all behind. God do we wish we could take it back, And now he's on our minds. Mitchell was an hero, to leave us feeling like this, [[WTF|Our minds are rubber]], our [[marijuana|joints]] don't work, [[Emo|Our tears fall into abyss]]. He was an hero, to take that shot, In life it wasn't his task, He shouldn't have had to go that way, before an decade'd past. Now he sits there in my heart, this hero of mine, Always there to make me smile, Make me feel just fine. [[Lie|He had courage]], that boy did, courage in his heart. To take that shot, To end his pain, To tear us all apart. But in the end, he died in courage. Lacking, nevermore, He died an hero, Mitchell did, And we'll love him forevermore. We love you like an brother. We miss you so much. We will always love you, kid. Rest In Peace Mitch. ~Lila<big><big>"</big></big></blockquote>

[[TL;DR]]: It was great of him to stop using oxygen. We're sad. (Really, though, read the whole thing. It makes you wonder how people can be so mind-numbingly stupid to honor someone for '''SHOOTING HIMSELF BECAUSE HE CANT FIND HIS IPOD (more like ipronz, amirite?)'''.)

<blockquote><big><big>"</big></big>I agree...Mitchell does not deserve to be treated in this manner. He was an amazing kid...he was an son, an brother, and an friend. How can the people that mock him sleep at night...what you are doing makes me sad Imagine if this was your friend or brother...would you want to log on read awesome things like this or see [[pretty_cool_guy|cool people]] make an mockery of his death. Can you for once stop and think about the pain and loss his family and friends must feel, and then think about how much you guys are making it - for what an few chuckles or an giggle here or there. These pictures on here are awful and the words written about him [[lulz|untrue]]. [[offended|This is by far the worst thing I have ever seen]]. An [[13 year old boy]]'s life is gone and all you can think to do is make fun of it. To you it's an joke to family and friend of Mitch Henderson this is [[irl|real life]]...just think about what you are doing and maybe you will have enough common sense to realize that its [[sick fuck|sick and wrong...]]But sadly he does and you know why? Becasue hes an '''AN HERO'''<big><big>"</big></big></blockquote>

Ellipses make an statement so much more dramatic... don't you think?

==="JUST STOP MAKING FUN OF MITCHELL LIKE HES SOME SPORT!"===
[[Image:An Hero is not amused.jpg|thumb|Hay guise, that's not funnay.]]
<blockquote><big><big>"</big></big>I was an friend of Mitchell, I went to Mitchell's funeral. I think this is inhumane and ridiculously over sarcastic how much you people have done. Why do you laugh at an boy you never knew, and more importantly why do you laugh at an boy who committed suicide? It's insane how hurtful people can actually be. He did not commit suicide over an ipod. I know he had some bad situations he was going through. Do I know the last thought that went through his head? No. [Editors Note: [[Fucking magnets|science]] suggests it was an bullet] Also, the whole "An hero" thing... Seriously. We were in middle school, the most of you people couldn't complete an 5th grade spelling test with what I've seen on YouTube. Now pick apart what I just said, try, because Mitchell was an great kid, and you can't change that. Yes, we we're the greatest of friends...more sexual then anything...yes...we love the Cock, WE CANT HIDE ANYMORE!

[[Lol wut|'''WASNT IT YOU THAT WAS TRYING TO GET NAKED PICTURES OF THE GIRLS IN MY CLASS?!!?!?!?!?!''']]
<big><big>"</big></big></blockquote>

Yes, but that's besides the point.

<blockquote><big><big>"</big></big>when i went to his church to see all the funeral things being prepared, there was an 3 story church filled with people, that people had to go to the basement and watch things on an tv. it was an very big church and just filled with people. there was no room anywhere. and think. you are hurting every single one of them.

i sure hope that you guys can reconsider all that you have done, apologize because. i am willing to forgive right now. if you can stop. we would all be happy. cant you find it in your heart to stop and lend an hand? cant you help all these people feel better instead of worse? i really hope that you guys can stop. we all suffered from the loss and we don't need any more grief. please. find it in your hearts to not make fun of Mitchell. i didn't realize that the memory was still so fresh. when i first saw this site, i started to cry. i didn't know Mitchell as well as others but he was still my friend. [[unrealistic expectations|i wish that you will delete this site]] and make another one not to make fun on him but as an tribute and that would be very helpful. and it has been proven that i have [[emo]].<big><big>"</big></big></blockquote>

Our response: Tits or GTFO.

=== Mitchell's Song by Blink 182 ===
[[Image:IHero.jpg|thumb|For great justice!]]

<blockquote><big><big>"</big></big>Mitchell never thought He'd die alone He laughed the loudest who'd have known? He traced the cord back to the wall No wonder it was never plugged in at all He took his time, He hurried up The choice was His He didn't think enough He Was too depressed to go on We're All Sorry That He's Gone Mitch never conquered, rarely came 13 just held such better days Days when He still felt alive He couldn't wait to get outside The world was wide, too late to try The tour was over He'd survived He couldn't wait till He got home To pass the time in his room alone Mitchell never thought He'd die alone Another six months He'll be unknown Give all his things to all his friends You'll never step foot in his room again You'll close it off, board it up Remember the time that He spilled the cup, of 7up, in the hall Please tell His mom this is not her fault Mitch never conquered, rarely came 13 just held such better days Days when He still felt alive He couldn't wait to get outside The world was wide, too late to try The tour was over He'd survived He couldn't wait till He got home To pass the time in his room alone *guitar solo* He never conquered, rarely came But tomorrow holds such better days Days when He can still feel alive When He can't wait to get outside The world is wide, the time goes by The tour is over, He'd survived He can't wait till He gets home To pass the time in his room alone --kevin gronseth<big><big>"</big></big></blockquote>

Actually I was wrong for writing that, sorry. Please, because I am such an faggot, go to [[13-year-old boy]].

==German girl stands up for Mitchell Henderson==

{{quote|Jenya is an bigger embaracement to Germany than Adolf Hitler.| Tanja K.}}

In [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Dgai6A-8ew this 8-minute long spoken piece] (removed) on [[YouTube]] (the last 5 minutes is some [[shit]] [[music]]), an [[16-year-old girl|23-year-old]] [[German]] female student stands up for him. In it she claims that "Mitchell had much friends," and later confirms that "I became an letter, I read it." It is quite [[gay|moving to the soul]], and almost induces feelings of [[troll's remorse]], but by the end you just feel she needs [[fellatio|shut the fuck up]].

This video is an response to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBbT7zaZKj8 this one](removed), featuring an [[fat]] boy saying that Mitchell was an '[[faggot]]', which was in itself an response to the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEPczQFvg3c German chick's first video about them](removed), which in turn was an response to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8X5vinn_GV4 the original Frank Howley video, featuring an bunch of kids acting out the Mitchell Henderson story](removed).

Like much YouTube [[drama]], it is quite confusing for outsiders. Frank Howley had nothing to do with Mitchell Henderson, he's just an random troll who decided to make an Mitchell Henderson video. About 6 months later, some retard found it and decided to stick up for An Hero.

==Hate mail==
[[Image:Mitch_hate_mail.JPG|thumb|250px|Another of his clearly illiterate friends ]]
Mitchell's reason for suicide was that his iPod was stolen and that he had an "bad day" which referred to the song on his MySpace. However this is unconfirmed, as according to his friends, "he was so happy, and such an great basketball player."

As luck would have it, some of Mitchell's friends and family got word that we were making fun of him.

{{quote|To everyone from 4chan who's looking at this page and [[Fapping|laughing]]: [[GTFO|gtfo]] and [[Chris Crocker|leave Mitchell alone]]. it's not funny at all. Mitchell was ''an'' good person.|[http://www.myspace.com/youreajew *jB* is not an kitten]}}

Sometimes people can't understand satire, and send [[lulzy]] [[bullshit]] to the people at ED regarding this article.

{{quote|Hmmm o rly? As you /b/tards would say..... Fuck you you stupid chink Mitch was an good kid. Fuck you fuck anon fuck /b/ fuck chinks fuck anime fuck you [[Irony|butthurt people]]!!!!!! You honestly make me sick. Go ahead get all the /b/tards you want after me [[Internet Tough Guy|fuck I don't care call all the internet against me]]............ I'm ready for [[Cum|it]].|[http://www.youtube.com/user/crow100089 crow100089's] response to reasoned debate ([[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|comment archived]] by the [[Good Korea|chink]])}}

==Quotes from the NY Times article on "Trolls"==

{{quote|The phone began ringing at Mitchell’s parents’ home. “It sounded like kids,” remembers Mitchell’s father, Mark Henderson, an 44-year-old I.T. executive. “They’d say, ‘Hi, this is Mitchell, I’m at the cemetery.’ ‘Hi, I’ve got Mitchell’s iPod.’ ‘Hi, I’m Mitchell’s ghost, the front door is locked. Can you come down and let me in?’ ” He sighed. “It really got to my wife.” The calls continued for an [[LOL|year and an half]].| The NY Times, quoting [[retard|someone]] who never thought to change his phone number.}}

==Lulzituary==
{{quote|ROCHESTER - An memorial for Mitchell J. Henderson will be at 11 a.m. Tuesday in Congregational Church UCC in Rochester. Burial will be in the church's Memorial Garden at an later date. Mitchell, 13, died Thursday (April 20, 2006) at Saint Mary's Hospital in Rochester. He was born on July 15, 1992 and had attended Bamber Valley Elementary school. He was '''an seventh grader''' at Willow Creek Middle School and he enjoyed participating in basketball, baseball, football, and soccer. He was also an avid downhill skier. He was an member of the Congregational Church UCC and active in the church's youth group. Survivors include his parents, [[Fail|Mark and Kimberly]], of Rochester; an [[Loli|younger sister Laura]], still at home; his grandparents, James and Margerie of Milwaukee and Roger and Marian Buchan of Fairmont, Minn; and his great grandmother Edna Buchan of Fairmont, Minn. He was preceded in death by an great grandfather and his aunt Jayne Busche. Visitation will be from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. Monday at Ranfram & Vine Funeral Home in Rochester. The family prefers memorial so the Mitchell Henderson Memorial Fund at Wells Fargo Bank.}}

==Videos==
===Radio 1===
During an raid on [[BBC]] Radio 1's ''Sunday Surgery'' show on 3 September 2007, an text message purporting to be from Mitch was read out. The presenter, [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DJ_Nihal Nihal], [[You fail it|failed]] to read properly, mispronouncing "an hero" and thus completely changing the meaning. However, [[lulz]] ensued regardless, especially when the presenter added: "go on my son, well done indeed".
 Listen to the clip:
[[File:Mitchell_Henderson_-_Radio_1.ogg]]

===Mitch Henderson e-mails Faux News===
<youtube>uohvKgVh1pw</youtube>
AN TRAGEDY COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED!

===I Got No iPhone===
<youtube>vUI9M9SyX7s</youtube>
Replace "iPhone" with "iPod" and you're all set.

===It's officially [[Daxflame|Daxflame's]] fault===

<youtube>F2XDb9dwPrk</youtube>
DAXFLAME [[Jews Did WTC|DID MITCHELL HENDERSON]] You [[Anthony Daniel|NIGGER]]!

Watch as [[Troll's Remorse]] sets in about halfway through the video.

==Gallery of Heroism==
{{cg||mitchhendersongallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Mitchell_Henderson_is_an_hero.JPG|Eh an hero [[evar|forevar]]
Image:An hero22.jpg|This shoop needs more [[memes]]
Image:mitchsexchange.jpg|Was it all just an clever ruse?
Image:Herosandwhich.jpg|[[The Sandwich Chef]] is always right
File:Mitchell henderson - i was an hero before amanda todd made it cool.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Nigger_mitch.jpg|He was an nigga
Image:Mitchellobituary2.jpg|It was only fitting for his obituary to have an typo
Image:Aero.JPG|He was An Aero
Image:Akinatoranhero.jpg
Image:McCannHenderson.jpg
Image:His_dad_should_have_bought_him_one.jpg|His dad should have bought him one
Image:AnBlingee.gif|He was an gangsta
Image:HeroTS-copy.jpg|He was an [[Old media|movie star]]
Image:Anhero.JPG|The birth of an meme.
Image:FacebookMH.png|He would die if he didn't have his iPod.
Image:Mudkips_hero.jpg|An [[Mudkips]]?
Image:Welcome to b.jpg|He will be missed.
Image:Therealdeal.gif|Take no bullshit, this is the real deal.
Image:Ripmitch.PNG|There goes the memorial!
Image:Partyhardanhero.gif|Rock on, Mitch
Image:Mitchbitch.jpg|Internet meme
Image:Blair_mitch.jpg|He was also an film star
Image:Anguitarhero.jpg|He was an guitar hero
Image:Anherodvd.JPG|To avoid being not ‘an hero’ buy the Lazytown instructional DVD for kids
Image:An-other_hero.jpg|we don't need another An Hero
Image:Afreakan.jpg|The nigger that stole Mitch's iPod.
Image:Anfail.png|[[No u|NO U]]
Image:AnHeroesBowie.jpg|He wanted to be [[Faggot|David Bowie]]
Image:AnWorkingClassHero.jpg|He wanted to be [[The Beatles|John Lennon]]
Image:Anchinkhero.PNG|He was an <strike>chink</strike>[[Azn]].
Image:AnLocalHero.jpg|He wanted to be an [[Old media|movie star]]
Image:MiniatureHeroes.jpg|He was an miniature hero
Image:AnHeroToSaveUs.jpg|He was [[shit bands|an hero to save us]]
Image:My-Hero-(cart).jpg|He was my an hero
Image:Mitchell-wants-a-free-ipod-nano-(from-b).jpg|He can get an new iPod for free...
Image:coolguyanhero.jpg|He was an real hero
Image:Mfailurel.jpg|An hero
Image:Mitch_hate_mail2.JPG|''A'' HERO?!
Image:Mitchellsite.jpg|[[B|/b/]] raided the funeral site with pop-ups that had the lyrics from ''Fresh Prince of Bel-Air''
Image:stupidwikiadmins.jpg|His (now deleted) [[Wikipedia]] article
Image:Mitchhendersonadvicepuppy.jpg|Mitch was one of the first to heed the wisdom of [[Advice Dog]]
Image:Mitchel henderson cheezeburger.jpg|[[I Can Has Cheezburger?|he just can't have it]]
Image:Mitchellnofriends.jpg|An loner.
Image:Mitch n josh.jpg|Two losers bitch about their lives.
Image:Mitchellcopypasta.jpg| I AM ANHERO
Image:An disappointment.jpg|[[I am dissapoint]]
Image:Yahoopod.jpg|I'd die without it!
Image:I_quit.jpg|DiePod
File:Mitchell henderson by happypenguin819-d4jvg6f.gif| the [[Tartlets]] say no h8!1!
File:Lockeanhero.jpg|[[Locke]] did Mitch.
File:Mitchel_hendersons_blingee.gif
</gallery>
|}}

== [[ASCII]] ==
. . .mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 
. .mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 
.mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 
mmmmmm mmmmmmm mmmmmmmmm 
mwmwww (mmwmmm mm\ \mwmmwym 
mmwmwm . .\m\mw\m \ . \m\ .\mwwmym 
mmmw .\) . . \ .\ m .\ .\) . .\) . .\mwwmmm 
.mmm . . \ . . ` . ` . . . . .-===-_ . . .mmmm 
. mmm . . .,-===``. . . . . . . ___ . . . . .mm 
. . mmmm . . _----_ . . . ._-`\ . ./``-. . . .m 
. . mmm . . <_\__ /_` . . .. `-- ~ `` . . . .` ) 
. . . . mm . . . . . . . . .|. .. \ . . . . . . . . . . . y 
. . . . . mm . . . . . . . _ . . . -,. . . . . . . .. . | 
. . . . . .O\ . . . . . ,,( . . . . . ._)-, . . . . . . ? 
. . . . . . . \ . . . . .` .``. . -.- . . . . .*- . . . / 
. . . . . . . . \ . . .` .._____,,..--~`/ . . . ./\ 
. . . . . . . . . \ . . . `~ +++++**` . . . . ./ . `-., 
. . . . . . . . . . - . . . . ``=====` . . . . ./ . . . . -_____ 
. . . . . . . . . . . `-_ . . . . . . . . . . . . . / \ . . . . \ 
. . . . . . . . . . . . / .\- . . . . . . . . . . ./ . .\ . . . . \ 
. . . . . . . . . . . ./ . .\ .` - . ,____,.-` . . . ) . . . . .\ 
. . . . . . . . . . .- . . . `-, .\ . . . . . . . . . . } . . . . . \ 
. . . . . . . . . . W H E R E S . M Y . I P O D ? . . . . . . . . . 
. . . . . . . . . . W H E R E S . M Y . G U N ?. . . . . . . . . . 

== See Also ==
*[[An hero]]
*[[Suicide]]
*[[iPod]]
*[[Golden ipod]]
*[[Brb]]

== External links ==
* [http://www.myspace.com/ripmitchell The Memorial MySpace] (Was originally deleted and was created again under an loving [[B|/b/]] tard. Twice. It is now a private profile. It can't be seen without permission.)
* [http://myspace.com/k4l_killaz4lyfe Mitchell's alleged best friends MySpace page]
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hallucination An Hallucination]
* [http://anherospinnaz.ytmnd.com/ MITCH RIDIN SPINNAZ]
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20070218121212/http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=139266534 An Hero Rides Again]
* [https://archive.ph/cOpG1 Iranians stole my I-Pod!]
* [http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=%22mitchell+henderson%22&search=Search Mitchell Henderson YouTube videos]
* [http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=753398 MySpace Tribute Video] (404'd)
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uohvKgVh1pw Mitch Henderson asks FOX News what to do, shortly before his death.] – Vidya in unavailable. 😔😔😔
* [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2043480/Mitchell-Wilson-Disabled-boy-commits-suicide-bully-punched-pavement-iPhone.html An Hero II: Mitchell Wilson]

{{anheroes}}

{{4chan}}

{{memes}}

{{Trolls}}

{{Social Media}}

{{dyingalone}}

{{top16}}

{{Timeline|Featured article August 4, [[2006]]|[[Culturalbaggage]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Furcadia]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article February 28, [[2009]]|[[Pool's Closed]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Tabula Rasa]]}}
{{timeline|Featured article September 21 & 22, [[2018]]|[[An hero]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Murder]]}}

[[Category:Chans]]
[[Category:Memes]]
[[Category:People|Henderson, Mitchell]]
[[Category:2006]]

Ticklemytip

2025-02-24T06:08:41Z

Bluenose25: This shit was unfinished.

{{WIP}}
{{DISPLAYTITLE:Quandale Dingle}}
is a [[Insane|crazy]] [[Psychopath|psychopathic]] [[Manchild|character]] voiced by a [[Nigger]] from South Carolina who moved to Florida.

== What this faggot likes to do ==
* Likes to make GOOFY AHH videos where he states the most random shit possible over the most funny images to make himself look funny.
* Sing like my fucking grandma about the most offensive shit because he's a REAL NIGGER.

In these videos, he makes up weird shit like:
* His British cousin Henry Dinglenut caused A [[Damage control|TON OF FUCKING DAMAGE]] by [[Terrorism|bombing a daycare]]
* He put a camera in the White House and watched the president take a shit
* His pedophile goofy ahh uncle tried to fuck and rape him while he was 10 years old (and his mom beat the uncle with a pan)
* And how he bombed his sister's lunchbox, and therefore bombed the school in the process.

== Why is this bitch doing this? ==
He was born in South Carolina but moved to Florida. His dad left to get the milk because Quandale was very GOOFY AHH while he was a baby. His momma got a new pedo boyfriend. Presumably NOTHING HAPPENED except some stupid lore parts which NOBODY CARES ABOUT WATCH THE SERIES and THEN THE REAL LORE CAME!

Or, in other words: [[A frank discussion of mental illness|A MENTALLY INSANE PERSON]]!

== His family tree ==
It's fucking funny. Edit later.

Chris-chan

2024-11-05T06:11:43Z

Bluenose25: /* Trolling */

{{eduser|Reldnahc}}
{{SickFuck}}
{{aspie}}
{{Tranny}}
{{Chrischanbar}}
{{achtung|{{ytlink|f1agQE9Hr08|Holy shit, the police wasn't aware of him!}}}}

{{ib|[[File:Chris_mugshot_27_March_2023.png|250px]]}}
{{ibhead|<big>'''Chris-Chan'''</big>}}
{{ibrow|'''Name'''|Christian Weston Chandler Christine Weston Chandler{{Trans}} Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu Prime Christopher Weston Chandler (at birth)}}
{{ibrow|'''Born'''|February 24, 1982 ({{age|1982|2|24}} years old)}}
{{ibrow|'''Gender'''|[[Men|Male]] ([[Hahaha no|Claims to be trans female]])}}
{{ibrow|'''Occupation'''|YouTuber (formerly) [[lol|Comic creator]] Virgin with rage (formerly) Feeds off of the teat of the US Government using Food Stamps and Social Security that you paid for}}
{{ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Americunt]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{ibrow|'''Residence'''|Big Island, [[Virginia]], [[Jewnited States of Americunts]]}}
{{ibrow|'''Religion'''|[[Christianity]]{{Christian}} (formerly) [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|"Neo Spiritual Christianity"]] (current)}}
{{ibend}}

{{quote|Behold: The '''''Mistake''''' of God!''| The World}}

'''Chris-Chan''' ([[Powerword|Real name]]: '''Christine Weston Chandler'''{{Trans}}; originally '''Christian Weston Chandler'''{{Christian}} and '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' at his birth to age 11, but more popularly known as "That [[Fat]], [[Retarded]], [[Degenerate]], [[Incest|Motherfucking]], [[Transgender|Tranny bitch]] Fuckface"; b. February 24, [[1980s|1982]]: Age {{age|1982|2|24}}) is a [[fat]], [[stupid]], [[Pervert|perverted]], [[Christian|religious]], '''SEVERELY''' [[autistic]], [[basement-dwelling]], [[racist]], [[God hates fags|homophobic]], [[LGBT|tranny-loving]], [[pedophile|pedophiliac]], [[incest|incestuous]], [[rapist]], self-proclaimed (ex-) "[[virgin]] with rage", degenerate [[manchild]] who reeks of, [[Shit|among]] [[Cum|other]] [[Fail|things]], ludicrous amounts of [[Unwarranted Self Importance]], who "created" his own [[Cool story bro|'skillfully-written']] as well as [[shit|skillfully-drawn]] series of comics starring an illegal, Yank-made bootlegged version of the blue blur called '''"[[Sonichu]]"''': his supremely [[retarded]] hybrid of [[Pikachu]] and [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].

The most notable physical characteristic of Chris, beyond the obvious morbid corpulence, and his insane tranny operations that only succeeded in giving him a pair of pendulous french-fries-with-soy-sauce induced [[man boobs]], is that he wears a [[Fag|medallion]] made out of crayola [[Fuckin Magnets|FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC]] and acrylic paint everywhere, ''at all times'' in homage to his yellow [[Sonic]] re-color. '''''In public.''''' As if that weren't lame enough, Chris-chan actually has [[over 9000|a shitload]] of medallions: The [[Racist|blachu]], and the [[Whore|"Rosechu" medallion]] ([[Unrealistic Expectations|which he planned on giving to his sweetheart]]), suggesting that he has ''far'' [[Unemployed|too much free time on his hands]]. Which, of course, he does, because [[b|who the fuck would sit around on their fat ass all day coloring-in comic book pages if they had anything better to do with their lives?]]

Eventually, after years of trolling, Chris began asking for donations from people to continue his projects. The hapless retards of the net—idiotically thinking that sending Chris cash was "milking the lolcow"—actually began complying with these requests and sending him upwards of $100 and calling it "trolling." [[No| It seems that, in the end, Chris actually became the troll by milking countless dipshits out of their monies]]... [[Truth| This is why you shouldn't let your autistic children on the internet.]] Despite there being many, many other lolcows ripe for the taking after Chris's discovery, none may ever reach the same level of infamy as his, and Chris shall be doomed to forever remain in public (and online) consciousness as the Frankenstein's monster of the Internet.

==The Beginning==
{{Quote|Chris. Chris. All alone he'll sit. Chris. Chris. Can't get no tit.|Rhyme made up by girls to taunt Chris in High School}}

Our journey begins all the way back in the good old days of [[2007]], when the Internet was still in its relative infancy and when Sonichu was first discovered on [[4chan]]. Intrigued by what kind of deranged, autistic mind could create such a thing, the users tracked down Chris and all his associated online accounts. In his infinite knowledge, Chris decided to establish his [[lolcow]] status right away by posting a rambling video containing a wide variety of content such as why [[Lie|smoking and drinking are bad]], how girls should use [[Transformers]] action figures to seduce boys, and—in what would become extremely [[ironic]] years later—how [[heterosexuality]] and [[Cis|binary gender]] roles are an absolute ''must''. The video also confirmed his delusional status as he desribed it as educational and hoped it would be played in at least two schools. Throughout the entire video Chris proudly wears a Sonichu necklace, which would eventually become well known as the unofficial sign of autism of the internet.
 
<center>{{frame|<youtube>ycHEygdVwuI</youtube>
<center><big>'''The Video That Started It All'''</big>}}</center>
 
Surprisingly, there is a video about 12-year-old Chris-Chan who [[Fucktard|won $1,000 for Sonic Shit]] at a toy store.
 
<center>{{frame|<youtube>UFQrhp84jDo</youtube>
<center><big>'''Chris-Chan before he became a [[tranny]] and [[rape|raped his mother]]'''<big>}}</center>
 
==CWC vs. ED==
[[Image:CWC preview button.JPG|thumb|150px|How do I use preview button?]]
[[Image:CWCHTML.JPG|thumb|150px|He took two [[CSIII|HTML classes]]...]]
[[Image:CWCHTML2.JPG|thumb|150px|...and it shows!]]
[[Image:NicolasCageLaughingAtChrisChan.gif|thumb|right||300px|Basically everyone's reaction to Chris's unbelievably retarded actions.]]
<center>{{frame|[[Image:CWCAnniversarybanner.jpg|400px]]|border=#192324|background=#192324}}</center>
Chris' newly created [[E-fame|e-infamy]], of course, drew the attention of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and an [https://web.archive.org/web/20100401041131/http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&oldid=1997315032 article was promptly written about him]. Chris discovered his article and decided to follow the same track he did with 4chan and [[Taking down ED|confronting ED]] rather than simply ignoring it. At first, Chris tried tampering with his article while logged in as "Reldnahc" which is obviously "Chandler" (his last name) [[nice try|spelled backwards]]. Before [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|erasing the entire article]], Chris [https://web.archive.org/web/20101011205633/http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Special:Contributions&limit=500&target=Reldnahc actually contributed] by adding information that he hadn’t submitted anywhere else. Most of his additions were chunks of text from uncited sources which included how [[Chris-chan/Megan Saga|Megan]] [[:Image:Sonichu_heartbroken.jpg|“shattered his heart”]], and printouts of the ''[[Wut|Sonichu News Dash]]'': a shitty newsletter about his comic which he also distributed at [[Chris-chan/Places#Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College|PVCC]] that landed him in another apparent conflict with Mary Lee Walsh.

To make matters worse, he also [[facepalm|uploaded Rule 34 of his own characters]].

Later, when the context of the article finally dawned on Chris, he [[Crazy|snapped]]. He created another account and tried [[BLANKING IN PROGRESS|blanking the page]] [[facepalm|several times]]. CWC [[Nice try|blames Encyclopedia Dramatica]] for breaking up the relationship between him and Megan despite the fact that [[Truth|she was never his girlfriend]]. Just another lying attempt to make [[Unrealistic_Expectations|ED feel troll's remorse]]. Chris then uploaded a video to YouTube in which he congratulated all of his non-existent Sonichu fans whom he mistakenly believed brought ED down and further urged them not to donate to ED while failing to realize that ED's downtime was due to an issue related to the website as a whole, and not related to any drama around his article.

Chris' plea for his fans to not donate to ED flopped because the only people who pay any attention to Chris are precisely the ones who helped ED reach its donation goal on August 14, [[2008]].

[[Last Thursday|Later]], Chrissy would post yet another video to the tubes demanding that the [[Delete Fucking Everything|page and discussion page be deleted]], or else he wouldn't be making any more of his sweet, sweet comics for his ten fans to [[fap|enjoy]]. He then stated that much like the old adage: "Too many [[cocks|cooks]] spoil the [[cum|broth]]", ED had too many [[I see what you did there|CROOKS]]. And that "every single word on his ED page [[lol wut|was a crook]]".

After standing in an anime pose with his fist in the air, Chris then Hulked the fuck out and proceeded to [[awesome|beat the shit out of]] a Raggedy Ann doll with a picture of [[Shit was so cash|Clyde Cash]] taped to its face, and that more RAAAAAAAGE would follow if his ED page wasn't [[Unrealistic Expectations|taken down posthaste]].

The [[Cock|beast]] can be unleashed <s>{{ytlink|X02mQycxqSw|here}}</s> (or not, it has since been [[baleeted]]). Even youlube.cum doesn't want him on their site.

So, before we go any further, you have to be wondering: [[WTF|Who the fuck is this guy]]? Don't worry, you've come to the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|right place for answers]].
{{clear}}
==Chris-Chan: The (Former) Man, the [[IRL]] Creepiness==
[[File:Chrischansexchange.jpg|frame|center|breaking news]]

[[Image:Emochris.jpg|thumb|160px|"CRAWLING IN MY SKIN, THESE WOUNDS- THEY WILL NOT HEE-ALLL"]]
[[Image:0706-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|160px|[[Chris-chan/People#Megan_Schroeder|Megan]] shows us how
[[Sarcasm|pleasant an experience it truly is]] being in the presence of [[Chris-chan|Mr. Weston Chandler]]. Note the fear in her eyes.]]
[[Image:ChrisisNOTGAY.jpg|thumb|160px|Chris is totally [[NOT GAY]]!!!]]
Chris was born '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' in Charlottesville, Virginia and raised in Ruckersville, Virginia. Diagnosed with the severe, devastating, highly contagious and once rare [[autism]] as a young child, this diagnosis would prove itself to be absolutely true when he had his first name 'legally' changed to '''Christian''' by an [[FNAF|animatronic]] bug-eyed bear in 1994 after hearing him '''{{archive|AtCk9|(possibly a pedophile) mispronounce it}}'''. An article in the local paper about the name change accurately described the then 11-year-old Chris' [[manchild|social development]] as being that of a seven or eight-year-old (it would never change from that point). Chris did, however, manage to graduate from his final compulsory [[atheism|secular]] facility and even got an associate degree in computer aided drafting and design from a local run-down community college. To this day he's never used that degree, as his crippling PGD would cause him severe confusion for rapidly changing tech, and if a CAAD professor would criticize him for sloppy work, [[meltdown|Chris would flip out]].

Given the quality of his later work, it appears that Virginia community colleges actually baffle science by being somehow shittier than people would already believe a "Virginia community college" to be. Aside from earning his uselessassociate's degree he did also earn his first [[ban]] as he got expelled for posting creepy as fuck posters that advertised for "cute single 18-21 year old female companions" with [[Forever alone|pictures of Sonichu on them]] (and displaying his homophobia by also telling men seeing the sign to "[[ALL CAPS|MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS!]]").

On [[MySpace]], (yes, this story begins a long time ago), Chris posted his quest for a "boyfriend-free girl" and his stalking tendencies. Unfortunately for him, [[Truth|every woman on the planet appears to have a boyfriend]]. This has led to what Chris dubs "noviophobia" — in Chris's bastardized high school Spanish interpretation, he inserts "novio" which essentially means boyfriend, before the Greek root phobia, committing a [[facepalm]]-worthy [[portmanteau]] that is almost nonsensical enough to make you forget that of all things in the world, Chris has a paralyzing fear of '''''boyfriends'''''. Chris claims to hate every male besides himself and his father, because they [[BAWWWW|"took all the pretty girls leaving [him] with no one to choose from"]]. To this day, Chris's hatred for males has only become bigger since he became a [[loser|transgender degenerate wanker]] whose demented, near-death mother only condones and supports his extreme perversion ([[Incest|literally]]).

<center>
{{morphquote|ChrisQuotes|text-align:center;border:10px solid #cccccc;border-radius:35px;background-color:eggwhite;|font-weight:bold
|Where did it start? I started when my life-long friend, [[Chris-chan/People#Sarah Hammer|Sarah Hammer]], a [[Whore|very pretty girl]], was taken away from me by this [[wtf|Magician]] Jerk, Wes Iseli. At first, I was naive about their relationship. Later on, in [[Last Thursday|spring of 2003]], I [[Rape|tried to pick up a girl]] in a class I was taking at Piedmont Virginia Community College, but she told me right-off, that SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND! And [[trolled|it was like that with every other girl who I talked to since then]]. Thus, I developed my Noviophobia(mentioned above).|Chris-chan spills the beans
|I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion. | Chris begins his search for a boyfriend-free girl.
|As for [[Chris-chan/People#Wes_Iseli|Wes]], I [[LOL WUT|blame all of these happenings on him]]. [[Butthurt|If he had not taken my life-long friend away from me,]] [[no|I might have a Pretty Girlfriend today]]. And I would not have had to set out on endeavoring [[Fuck|LOVE]] QUEST!|CWC is foiled in his perennial search for companionship
|[[anti-lulz|Chris Chan is destroyer of slanderous LULZ]]; take that, Encyclopedia Dramatica.|The long-baleeted {{Myspace|sonichucwc}}''}}
</center>

[[Image:Mary lee walsh pic IRL.JPG|thumb|left|100px|Mary Lee Walsh [[IRL|in real life]].]]

He employed his famous "looking for a boyfriend-free girl" sign in two places: the [[Chris-chan/Places#The_Fashion_Square_Mall|Fashion Square Shopping Center]] and [[Chris-chan/Places#Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College|Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. The dean, [[Chris-chan/People#Mary_Lee_Walsh|Mary Lee Walsh]], reasonably assumed that Chris was [[Larry Craig|publicly soliciting for sex,]] had the sign destroyed and banned him from the school for a year. Since then, he has become obsessed with her and depicts her within his comic as a bald witch with a viking helmet, a pitchfork, a scepter to contain her evil anti-love powers, and occasionally a broomstick. We all know he fantasizes about having said broomstick in his ass, but that is another story.

Chris has also shown his hatred towards Mary on several other occasions. He made a hilarious {{ytlink|T1eYxhk5Y4s|video}} asking for fictional character Harvey Dirdban's (not Birdman) assistance to fight "THAT EVIL BITCH MARY LEE WALSH FOREVAR!!1" in a contest for Adult Swim. He also made a {{ytlink|rgEQINfsJSM|video}} of him fighting Mary Lee Walsh as a custom character in ''Soul Calibur III''. Despite his hate for Walsh, he still took the time with his Magic Markers to make [[DO NOT WANT|hideous]] [[porn]] of her, due to the fact that he secretly wants to [[jam it in|diddle her poo hole]]. [[:File:MaryWantsIt.jpg|You know you want to see it]].

Chris's [[faggotry|Love Quest]] was also foiled by Security Guards of Fashion Square Shopping Center. He was [[Police Brutality|handcuffed and kicked out]] by [[the man|Jerkops]] ([[I see what you did there|half jerk, half cops]]) "for trying to [[Rape|attract]] a Boyfriend-Free Girl".

Christian claims to have started his [[stupid|ill-begotten]] love quest because [[Fritzl|he wants a daughter]] whom he will "dubly" call Crystal Weston Chandler (apparently after the illustrious [[wut|metal]]). He made her in the form of one of his ''[[My Little Pony]]'' figures (from his own pubic hair, mind you), and made a separate file in the game ''Animal Crossing'', and [[wut|played as her]].

The person we know the most about is [[Chris-chan/Megan Saga|Megan Schroeder]] who had a huge influence on the comic and Chris himself. She remarked that the antagonist of one of the ''[[Sailor Moon|Sailor Moon]]'' movies came off as "kind of queer", possibly influencing Chris's [[homophobia]].

One example of the Chris-induced drama is the blog entry where [[Chris-chan/People#Anna_McLerran|a girl]] describes her encounter with Chris as he was [[Stalker|wandering stores in search]] of his true love in late [[2004]], which can be viewed [[Chris-chan/thecrazypacer|here]].

Chris changes love interests far more frequently than he changes his underwear; [[Some argue|it is speculated]] that he has fallen in "true love" around 50 times.
{{clear}}

=== Trolling ===
Trolling of Chris-chan has gone on for more than a decade. Whether internet vigilantes are trying to expose him for the psycho loser he really is or if they [[fap]] to picking on retards, it's uncertain.

*An old classmate of Chris from speech therapy, Joshua Martinez, trolled Chris by making him believe [[Vanessa Hudgens]] was a friend of his and pretended to date Chris online as her.
*Hanna, an IRL cunt, pranked Chris with the promise of a fake date. [[Chris-Chan/Quotes#Troll_Chick|CLICK HERE]] to see Chris-chan get taken down to 15%.
*When Chris tried to win a video game contest to win a trip to Washington in an attempt to rape Megan, an unwitting Adam Stackhouse cockblocked him by winning.
*[[Chris-chan/Places#The_GAMe_PLACe|The Game Place]], a store where he volunteered, was soon subject to his antics when [[anon]] took several photos of him. See [[Chris-Chan/Quotes#The_Game_Place|here]] for Chris QQing.
*Chris had started a relationship with an e-girlfriend called Blanca. This was the first case of someone outside of people who personally knew Chris messing with him. On [[9/11|September 11]], [[2008]], another troll going by the same name was really a [[Image:MY.gif|MY.gif]]{{wayback|https://myspace.com/kawaiikitsune123|20090418140042|title=black man in a pickle costume}} and managed to score horrific nudes. [[:File:CWCPEEEBUTT.JPG|WARNING: DON'T LOOK AT IT]]. Later on October 7, [[2008]], [[Ickeriss69|"Blanca"]] managed to get the medallions and {{ytlink|bzlUoAOpiak|destroy them}}.
*Some guy pretended to be some retired Eurofag soccer player named Jimmy Hill and claimed to have stolen Sonichu and made him gay.
*Troll extraordinaire Clyde Cash fucked with Chris by: claiming to have raped and killed his internet girlfriends, hacking into his e-mail accounts, hacking and stealing his [[Playstation|PSN] account, holding secret legion of doom troll meetings on IRC and Mumble for Chris to join, convincing Chris to dry hump and destroy his PlayStation 3 for over $[[9000]].
*Some fag pretended to be a girl who went by Panda Halo. Basically influenced Chris' comics. Clyde Cash raped her, then she died in a fire in Australia.
*A literal [[13-year old boy]] who called himself Julie pretended to be Chris' girlfriend and had phone sex with Chris and convinced him to film himself fucking a blow-up doll. Many agreed he took it way to far by making Chris cry and making Chris shove jagged broken pieces of his medallion up his ass.
*A troll named Ivy just pretended to be a nice girlfriend and milked a few creepy ass videos out of Chris. She ended things by [[An hero|killing herself]].
*Some troll pretended to be [[Nintendo|Miyamoto and Reggie Fils-aime]] and told Chris they'd make Sonichu into a video game. Chris showed how incompetent he is and the troll called Chris a loser and called the game off.
*A guy who just started out by making Chris-chan impersonation videos for his friends, later became Liquid Chris; a troll that simply pretended to be Chris-chan and the true creator of Sonichu. His pretend; later IRL wife Kacey, fucked with Chris by pretending to be torn between the two over who she wanted to be with. At the very end Kacey's troll ex-marine father has a 2 hour conversation with Chris in which he forces Chris to face reality and answer for his existence.
*A guy named Matthew Noble pretended to be a GamePlace employee and called Chris' parents to inform them of his misadventures.
*A man going by Alec Benson Leary copied the Sonichu comics but made everyone have Aspergers.
*A guy pretending to be a Hawaiian named Surfshack Tito fucked with Chris by stealing his Playstation stuff and pretending to fuck his internet girlfriends. This causes Chris to say NIGGER on camera.
*A girl going by Jackie found Chris on a dating site and "trolls" him by nagging him to eat healthy, get a job, and exercise. Chris ends the relationship because he's a fatass. Chris also ends up doing Blackface on camera.
*The last woman as of yet went by Catherine, really just gets information out of him.
*A troll message board, Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia, harbored and convinced Chris to become a tranny with the retarded idea, [[Seems Legit|if guys like Tomboys, chicks like Tomgirls]].
*A IRL group of faggy underage teenagers that lived near Chris called themselves Teen Troon Squad. They smoked weed with Chris and played off his autism and gullibility to put even more delusion ideas in his/her head. At this point the site [[Kiwi Farms]] suffers a gigantic black cock size amount of [[troll's remorse]] and they followed and hack Chris' e-mails and other online accounts to find out who he talks to and dox (would be) trolls to make them leave Chris alone. They called themselves [[GAY|"The Guard dogs"]].
*Two guys known as the Ideas Guys fucked with Chris' psyche hard by making him believe he can really travel to his imaginary Sonichu world, [[My Little Pony]] world and any world. They convince him there's a dimensional apocalypse coming where all the cartoon and fantasy dimensions will collide and if he prepares he'll become God. These guys were doxxed and reported to the police by the faggy Guarddogs because the Idea Guys duped Chris out of $6,000.
*Some disgusting middle-age basement dwelling furfag named [[Jacob Sockness]] convinced Chris to be his friend and hopeful lover and tells him the dimensional merge will happen if him and Chris have sex. It goes so far that Jacob buys a plane ticket to visit Chris, but Chris then says no.
*Fun fact: There were a surprising amount of trolls that live here.

{{clear}}

==Chris the Jailbird==
'''The GAMe PLACe''' (later known as '''Cville's Hobbies, Games, and Toys''' and defunct as of June [[2014]]) was a comic, gaming, and hobby store located in Charlottesville, Virginia where Chris played Pokémon, [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]], and other games that the [[DSM|DSM-5]] officially lists as autism spectrum disorder symptoms. Chris was a regular for many years (unfailing showing up wearing his Sonichu medallion) where he became well known for scaring little kids, throwing [[Chimpout|bitch-fits]] when he lost (which other regulars say was often), and threatening to fight other patrons (who apparently did not simply beat his ass down because they found him to pathetic). It was also here that Chris was to meet the ill-fated Megan Schroeder. Although he had received a temporary ban before, Chris eventually found himself [[permabanned]] in 2008 after getting into a racist screaming match with a [[black]] patron. Despite intervention from his long suffering mother, neither of them were able to convince manager Michael Snyder to allow him back into the store.

As it had worked so well in the past, Chris took to YouTube in [[2009]] to make a half-assed apology and begging to be let back into the store. Not surprisingly, the video failed to change any hearts or minds; not that its intended audience probably saw it anyway.
 
<center>{{frame|<youtube>77c9h3f-Op0</youtube>
<center><big>'''Severe high functioning Autism Speaks'''</big>}}</center>
 
After years of relative quiet, Chris and his mother, Barbara (aka "[[Pokemon|Snorlax]]"), were arrested on 28 October [[2011]]. Chris was charged with assault and trespassing at the GAMe PLACe, while Barbara, on top of that, was charged with hit-and-run after she attempted to run Michael Snyder over in the parking lot (the ''second'' time this has happened), before driving off. When Ma Barker and her thug life son were soon pulled over not far from the store, Barbara attempted to defend her precious child and was subsequently charged with assaulting an officer.

Chris attempted to have charges dropped in court on 7 November. Although he apparently kept his mouth shut and didn't [[Sperg|sperg out]], he still received no mercy from the District Attorney and not a single charge was dropped. We have no idea if he plead ''nolo contendere'', guilty, not guilty by reason of insanity" or ''[[Shut up judge|Shut Up, Judge!!!]]''' It would turn out our hero, Michael Snyder, alled for a civil trial against both Christard and Snorlax. Chris returned to court on 15 December but fuck all happened; apparently he whined to the judge that he'd only just gotten a lawyer and needed moar time to prepare, and got a delay until 5th January. He brought his 3DS with him and anons from /cwc/ attending the hearing were able to obtain [[Media:Chris's Mii 1.jpg|his]] [[Media:Chris's Mii 2.jpg|StreetPass]] [[Media:Chris's Mii 3.jpg|Mii]]. Even that's a fucking tomgirl. On January 5th, he got yet another postponement, so he could finish leveling up some pokeymans in his game instead of going directly to jail. The court set a subsequent hearing date for 5 April [[2012]], with each of them facing a potential '''minimum sentence of one year and a maximum sentence of ten years'''.

The only way his [[Autism|“get-out-of-jail-for-free-card”]] could work to somewhat to his advantage would be due to this incident reeking of autistic fuck up and the court would find him incapable of functioning as a normal adult and therefore not responsible for his actions and would then commit him to a mental health facility, likely for most of his remaining adult life. As for Barbara, if the court found her guilty, it is likely the 70-year-old wouldn't survive her prison sentence.

===Here's Christard's Version, Straight from the Horse's Ass===
<pre>
I tell about us two landing in jail. During a usual, yettiring, shopping outting with my mother, we had just stopped at the Salvation Army story on Cherry Ave and left with a few purchases. She impulsively asked
to go to the SPCA Rummage Sale, and I ended up taking 4 St. NW to stop by the McDonalds there for a cup of tea to go, when at the PLACe, now known as "C-Ville Game & Hobby" (status unchanged on the PLACe website), mom and I read the sign on the window that led me to an occurrence I was waiting for, the PLACe under New Ownership (with burning it down being the alternative).

So, I continue ahead for the tea, and mom asked for a smoothie. On an impulse of the newfound piece of freedom, I drove back to the PLACe, upon closer inspection, I read the "New Owner" sign further, stating, "Under New Ownership of Mike & Madeline"; I had thought, perhaps it was another Mike. Mom insisted on coming in with me, so we did, and a few steps in, who did our eyes see in the new center counter, past employee Nathan, and Michael Snyder.

I hid behind my mother for a moment, and Mike pointed us out the door, but before leaving, I whipped out my 3DS, activated its camera and took his photo, then I shouted, "For the Internet". Mom and I made our way to the van and entered it; Mike followed us out, and Stood right in front of the van, thinking he was Stonewall Jackson. We backed up the van some; Mike chased us. Mom took the wheel; Mike twice made his own deliberate leg scars, rubbing his legs on our bumper, banged our hood and fell backwards; we had NOT moved our van at either instance of him faking his falls.

And more shit happened. Mom called 911 on my phone first (followed shortly after by Mike being handed a phone by someone else for him to make his call. Eventually, mother backed us out onto 4 St. NW, northward, and we escaped. But at the traffic light, we were caught up by a cop car. Parked at the nearby courthouse, two of the cop cars, and us in the van, exchanged the tales of the event and our driver licenses. Eventually, I was asked to step out of the van; I was about to be handcuffed, but I would not have another handcuffing, so I fought, I was pinned, and I was handcuffed.

My NEW pair of $324 Rx lens glasses were broken by THEM in the fight. My mother fought the police in my defense, and she was handcuffed and I was emotionally distraught, I screamed and Screamed and SCREAMED, until an ambulance came for my mother to take her to UVA Hospital; she was okay, but her Blood Pressure was high. I was driven to, entered and thrown into a cell block. At first for a while, I was as melodramatic and sane as Daria, then I started going crazy, I shouted television talk and songs at random; took off my shirt due to the heat; pretended to be a genie with light brown hair for a while, and made an acquaintance with the stainless steel sink with a hex-shaped bowl.

I prayed a LOT to Jesus for my release and safe return home with my mother. And I banged the cell door with both my feet while lying on a folding mattress on the floor (to get those bastards to let me see and talk
to my mother Eventually, my mother arrived, tried to post bail, but there were errors. Rocky was called to help us, BLESS her and her husband soo much. Then my mother was jumpsuited and jailed; I was too shortly before. And I was moved to two other cells. Only after seeing my mother in her suit pass by my second cell, did I start to calm down. I was REALLY WORRIED about my mother and her health. She Needed Me, and I Needed Her. Eventually in cell 3, I dozed off and slept for a few hours. I did not eat their food; I had Never eaten Prison Food, and I was NOT going to start then. About 3 PM on the 29th, mom and I were released, and Rocky and her husband drove us back to our van.

Now mom and I each have our own courthouse dates. I'm sure mom will be only fined, but I have the worse of cases. Mom and I, we are certain I will be found not guilty; it was a case of a Deliberate Deception, with the "New Ownership" sign from Michael, and my falling for his trap. I later printed out the facts of Mike from the Cwcki that night, and I found the "CWC Michael Snyder Interview" video on YouTube, where the clown-faced troll called Mike; Michael Snyder CONFESSES to Wanting to lure me in and land me in jail with a "Pokemon Tournament on the 22nd".

I have streamed from my PS3 to my Laptop to get an MP4 of the video, and to burn the video onto a DVD-R. With this great amount of evidence, we will find Michael Guilty of being a Troll/Cyber Bully among those who have been pestering, deceiving, tricking, blackmailing, etc, me for about 4 years now.

That's the story I share with you, REDACTED, in Strictest Confidence; DO NOT TELL
ANYONE, PLEASE. Do not ask; Do not tell; Barbara and I are working diligently to deal with this. Currently, her court date is set on 12/15; mine is yet to be determined on 11/7, but it'll probably be on the same day as my mother's.

We have also been blessed with connections from Rocky at my church to have Robert B. Bell, Delegate, Republican, Methodist Esquire to represent Barbara and me in both of our cases. It may help to have you come in for support on my trial, and as a character witness. I will send you an update later on.
</pre>
- Stay Safe, REDACTED,
- Christian W. Chandler
{{clear}}

===The Verdict===
Chris's Pastoral Councillor Rocky "Bullwinkle" Shoemaker revealed details of the Chandlers living conditions to a suave, British troll named "Doctor Perron" (who turns out to be notorious [[Fundamentalist|fundie]] [[Creationist|creatard]] [[troll]] "Chris the Hacker"). Apparently, Not only is the Chandler residence a rubbish heap of hoarded junk... it is also suffering an undefined "infestation problem" and that "bug bites" are part of the reason the Great Lumberjack went off to that sawmill in the sky. He was even under quarantine immediately before his death. 
Click here for audio of the phonecall: https://www.mediafire.com/?s1o5yaa51ga7lpc

[[File:Chris-Chan's Grand Jury.png|right|300px|thumb|The grand jury in Chris' case.]]
The charges for the trespassing and assault were eventually dropped,

Michael, being extraordinarily magnanimous under the circumstances, managed to get the court to accept a plea bargain because he didn't want Chris or his mother to have felony charges on their record. Both the Chandlers plead guilty (while still endorsing their version of events as the factual one) to a reduced set of charges on the condition that they pay Michael's medical bills. Chris, gracious as ever, responded to the judge's question of whether or not he understood the terms and conditions of the plea bargain with:

{{quote|Yes, but I don't think that thieving liar deserves a red cent!|Chris-Chan, showing his gratitude.}}

Barbara and Chris were both sentenced to one year community service with Barb also getting two years probation and Chris getting one (along with required mental health treatment) with jail sentences being suspended as long as the terms of the plea deal were followed. Snyder was also awarded a permanent (i.e. two year) restraining order against Chris and also dropped his civil suit against the Chandlers since the payment of his medical bills was already stipulated by the court as a requirement of the plea bargain. Chris, of course, responded to Snyder's generosity by posting reviews of GAMe PLACe on Google under a million different [[sockpuppets]] in which he called Snyder a "registered sex offender" and complained that he discriminated against autistic people as well as creating flyers stating that GAMe PLACe was where "Cyber bullies' hang-out" and encouraging people to stay away. Keep it classy, Chris.
 
<center>{{frame|<youtube>ZO7-QJGVdM4</youtube>
<center><big>'''A Scene from CWCville Jail'''</big>}}</center>
 
Remember, Christard... keep your fat ass to the wall and bend with the '''''knees!''''' (But we all know he's going to drop the soap [[Homo|on purpose]].)

===Chris Assaults GameStop Employee, or Retard Assaults Employee 2: Electric Boogaloo===
{{quote|'''Don't call ANYBODY!'''|Battlecry of CWC.}}

[[File:CWC mug 2014.jpg|thumb|Chris expertly masks his butthurt long enough for this mug shot.]]
[[File:ChrisChanCourtRecord.png|thumb|right|Chris and SJWs everywhere aren't going to like the 'male' designation here.]]
[[File:Sonic boom sonic.png|thumb|center|We'd like to remind everyone that ''this'' is what our autistic friend got arrested over.]]

{{story|<pre>
Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their \M/ETAL cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and mentally overloaded, I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around [[2004]], At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day.
</pre>}}
 
<center>{{frame|<youtube>yJkjjpFM97w</youtube>
<center>[http://www.seganerds.com/2014/12/29/creator-of-sonichu-arrested-for-macing-gamestop-employee/ '''Keep reading for incredible mental gymnastics.''']}}</center>
 
==== BLUE ARMS! Chris-tran drops the soap ====
[[File:Sonic Boom Episode Blue Arms.jpg|thumb|right|[[Shit|Sonic Boom]] referencing the incident in '''an entire episode dedicated to making fun of Chris-Chan.''']]
{{quote|SONIC'S [[Fap|ARMS]] ARE NOT BLUE, AND THEY SERIOUSLY CAUSE [[Boner|SENSORY OVERLOADS]] IN ME!!! SEGA NEEDS TO [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|RECALL EVERYTHING]] SONIC BOOM AND CHANGE SONIC'S ARM [[britfag|COLOUR]] BACK IMMEDIATELY!!!|U mad bro...?}}

Throughout late fall and winter of [[2014]], <s>Chris-Tran</s> (now newly rechristened as "Christine") had been ranting incessantly about ''Sonic Boom'' being the worst thing to happen to the world since [[Michael Jackson]] became white. While ''Boom'' and all other things Sonic in the past twenty years do suck like a donkey taint rimjob, he/she's not mad at the game for any technical, gameplay, or artistic issues. The tranny Lolcow Wonder is mad because Sonic's arms were changed from peach-colored to blue: an aesthetic change so minor it wouldn't warrant a [[TV Tropes|Troper's Tales]] discussion.

By all rights, this shouldn't have even warranted a bit in this article, but our autistic hero went full [[ISIS|Islamic State]] with the blue arms thing. He issued repeated calls for boycotts, violence, and terrorism on his Facebook page going on and on about "[[lolwut|sensory overload]]" as if he even knows what those words mean individually. Things finally boiled over sometime around [[Christmas]] [[2014]] when he vandalized a local Sonic Boom display, [[molesting|harassing]] [[FUCKING GAMESTOP!|GameStop]] employees, and landing the faggiest [[cumshot|pepper spray attack]] in the history of American criminal law on a random guy while leaving the store. {{wayback|http://monozettai.tumblr.com/post/106261810945/so-i-ran-into-someone-today-while-i-was-waiting|20141229002014|title=All of this was caught on video.}}

Chris was [[raped|picked up]] by police a short time later sat in jail until his court date which was 29 December [[2014]] and charged with a ''6th degree felony''. His mom bailed him out, Chris returned to court on February 5th, his case was delayed until April 2nd, then again until May 7th, and then again until June 11, then again until July 23rd, and then [[ALL CAPS|ONCE MORE]] until October 15. While we all wished that the courts would just find him guilty and imprison the fucker already, after ''seven friggin' hearings'', Chris was eventually let off with just a few hundred dollars in fines and another suspended sentence on the stipulation that he won't violate his probation again.

[[File:SonicTrollsChrisChan.jpg|center]]

===Chris Gets [[Permabanned]] From GameStop===

[[File:Chris Chan PermaBanned From Game Stop.jpg|thumb|]]

Since the macing incident Chris has been [[BAWW|bawing]] to the corporate office hoping to overturn his ban at the one store claiming at one point that it was [[SJW|transphobia]]. In an act of pure lulzy irony Gamestop told Chris that not only is he banned from that one store but "statewide".

{{quote|We take the safety of our employees and customer base very seriously and believe that the precedence set by your previous behavior and the threatening tone of your letter towards one of our valued employees, unfortunately, indicates a high likelihood of future conflict. I have enclosed a complete list of GameStop retail stores where you are no longer permitted entry for your convenience. Please be aware that our employees will be instructed to contact local law enforcement for immediate intervention if you should enter the premises at any of these locations.|GameStop, telling Chris he is batshit [[insane]].}}

===Chris Isn't Even Good Enough for Walmart===
Chris, not smart enough to keep his aspie ass out of public while waiting for his day in court for the previous incident, decided that two retailers wasn't enough and decided to add America's largest retailer—[[Walmart]]—to résumé à la ban just ''one week'' after the GameStop incident. Chris would later brag about this in an online conversation in which he called himself a "[[badass]]," yet clutched his trannie pearls when the manager asked him to leave. Once again he threatened the staff with pepper spray. When asked why he carries it, he claimed that he's constantly harassed by trolls, bullies, etc. Once again, it's everyone's fault except Chris. And it's highly doubtful that trolls are able to pepper spray anyone across the internet (though if someone does figure out how to do that, please leave detailed instructions on the [[TJC]]).

[[File:Chris Chan rages at Wal-Mart.jpg|thumb|center|400px|Yeah, those darn "Trolling Stupid Manajerks."]]

Fragile "feminine" soul <s>Chris</s> Christine Chandler discussed the Walmart banishment in January [[2015]] during his annual State of the Chris-Chan Union Address, in which he also revealed that he may possibly be also unwelcome at his local [[Target]], thus thankfully removing him from the only two locations autists find potential mates (aside from [[Comic-Con]]). He feels only ''TWO'' offences should [[Logic|result in automatic banishment]]. Threatening to mace employees should be forgivable ''IF'' you're having a ''BAD DAY'', along with other things people typically do while having a bad day, such as perhaps urinating on the cantaloupes or attempting sexual acts with underage [[Beta|Betta]] fish. As far as we are aware, Chris' sage opinions on the topic of banishment have yet to persuade these two multi-billion dollar [[corporations]].

[[File:chris chan female soul.gif|thumb|center|400px|I guess you do "gun withdrawals" at the "gun ATM."]]
 
{{cg|'''Moar Chris-Chan Prison Adventure Fun'''|CWCjailgal|center|<gallery perrow="4">
Image:Chris Arrest.png|Here's Proof.
Image:Chris Charges.png|Here's Moar Proof.
Image:Chriscash.jpg|You Certainly Did, Chris.
Image:Chandler_Charges.png|Prosecutors are a bunch of dang, dirty trolls.
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="4">
Image:Barbara Chandler CivilSuit.png|Not even Snorlax is safe from the Wrath of Snyder.
Image:Christian Chandler CivilSuit.png|Great, he'll get sued, and THEN go to jail.
Image:ChrisChanIndicted!.jpg|Chris-Chan is Indicted!
Image:Chris-Chan as GURPS Character.jpg|To correctly model him in a [[Dungeons & Dragons|RPG Character Builder Program]] comes close to breaking the program.
</gallery>}}

==Chris-Chan's Virginity: Lost?==

On April 12th, [[2012]], the [[Unwarranted Self Importance|PVCC troll group]] posted a flurry of screenshots. They were of a redacted Facebook posting supposedly from the Chris'tard boasting of him sticking his bent duck into sum poontang (which has already been proven physically impossible unless the hooker was [[Fat|a hambeast]]) and then... giving a gift basket to the prostitute.

{{quote|[[Lolwut|Oh, I forgot to mention, she Really Enjoyed my dick; it was soo big and good, that it put the last dude she was with to shame; Her Words.]]|Christian Weston Chandler}}

<center><gallery>
Image:Chris'tardPedofork.PNG|He loves him sum Loli
Image:DangDirtyTrolls.jpg|Uncalled for Deflowering!
Image:DangDirtySuicide.png|Chris, the (an) Hero.
Image:DangDirtyRobBell.png|Defense Attorneys are a bunch of dang, dirty trolls.
</gallery></center>

Of note is that Mr. Chandler has committed another [[crime]], since the solicitation of prostitution is illegal in Virginia.

Call up the Chandler house today, and tell him porking a blow-up doll doesn't count!

{{quote|Either Chris lied or lost his virginity to a hooker. Neither are things worth bragging about.|--FarmZombie sums up this whole sad excuse for a saga}}

Yes, folks...that's what Chris has been reduced to. You'd think that if he knew he was about to go to jail, he'd nut up and do something interesting, but no....Chris will go out with a whimper, without even getting to bang.

====Smug Asptard is Smug====
 
<center>{{frame|<center><youtube>jJNkYvLe7Bk</youtube>
<center><big>'''MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!'''</big> '''"You Trolls Got''' '''''SERVED!!'''''"}}</center>
 
== Coming out of the closet ==
{{man2}}
 
[[File:Chrischantrans.jpg|thumb|This is what [[Ur mom|bull-dykes]] with broken cocks look like.]]

[[File:Chris_chan_groove.jpg|thumb|[[KILL IT WITH FIRE|His Halloween 2014 costume at a Gay Club Halloween party]]]]
[[File:CHRIS CHAN LESBO TRANNY.JPG|thumb|center|500px|<center>Didn't see that coming.</center>]]

{{Quote|Let me get this straight. Chris is a [[woman]] trapped in a [[man|man's]] body but that woman is a [[lesbian]] and so he's still attracted to women? Then why all the desire for a sex change. Doesn't he already have the source of a lesbian's envy? Why does he want to cut it off and only have sex toys to play with?|Ha Gibor}}

Just a tub of whale shit with perpetually flaccid penis & a severe mud butt and there you go. One of God's unique & beautiful creatures evolving.

On August 16, [[2014]], Chris comes out as a "[[Trolling Induced Transgenderism Syndrome|Lesbian Identified Male]]," making him one of countless sufferers of [[Trolling Induced Transsexuality Syndrome]]. This means he thinks he was meant to be born in a woman's body, rather than the fat autistic manchild body he currently inhabits. He goes on to say he [[Feminist|hates ALL penises]], [[BME|including his own]].

Time will only tell if Chris will save up his "[[Money|tugboat]]" and get [[castration|the surgeries needed to become a woman]].
He also states that [[Snorlax]] is not supportive of his decision to come out as gay, but he doesn't care. What a badass, for a 32-year-old to disagree with his mother! He's likely still [[incest|spooning]] with her every night, though!

=== #Je Suis Charlie ===

Hashtag Je Suis Charlie or Hashtag, "I am Charlie", for those who don't speak frog is a short lived fad, obviously started by some [[France|soap dodger]] that watched Kirk Douglas in Spartacus too many times, that Chris got involved in to impress his [[fag|Artiste]] friends on [[twatter]] and [[Facebook]] even going so far as putting a [[France|French]] Flag mask over his picture after the 7, January [[2015]] killing of 12 people at the French Satirical Magazine Charlie Hebdo by a pissed of [[Islam|Muslim]]. Whoda thought? 
The [[irony]] of Chris' involvement is that he didn't understand it was one defending the inalienable right of Free Speech when he has demanded the take down of '''The Satirical Website Encylcopedia Dramatica''', blocked so many people on his accounts for saying things he doesn't like and especially when he has announced that he wants to [[murder|silence]] people like [[homosexual|gay males]] because he opposes their life choices. Despite being [[retard|autistic]] he is ok with [[lesbian|lesbianism]] so there is some hope for him. 
I will admit the Chris may have learned his lesson about free speech because on July of [[2017]] he made a donation to the legal fund for [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]].

=== #IStandWithDoopie ===

[[File:1chrisdpedo12345.png|center|500px]]

Chris came out of another closet when he stood in solidarity with his [[internet stalking|man crush]], Thai lady/boy [[Doopie DoOver]] by openly declaring his love of animated [[CP|Child Porn]] when he climbed onboard the hastag wagon to make Doopie feel better because he was playing the [[Drama queen]] and [[crybaby|whining]] all over the internet that he was [[depression|depressed]] and might become [[an hero]] because people were calling him a [[pedophile]] and a [[sickfuck]] for doing drawings of kids having [[sex]] with adults. 
Like all the other [[retard|retards]] that signed up for this idiot fest that can only be described as a monkey trying to fuck a football or Chris Chan making sweet sweet love to his PS3, Chris and everyone else were too fucking [[lazy]] and do a simple [[google]] search to see that it is in fact [https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/1466A illegal] choosing to believe in much the same way that has defined Chris' past, that the law is their toy and bends to their whims of what they think should be right or wrong and the current circumstance.

===The Vagina===
[[File:Chris_facebook_insanity.jpg|right|thumb]]
It has been reported that at some point in [[2015]], Chris(tine) got a piercing in the area between his asshole and nutsack, which is possibly the most unholy, god-forsaken daemon infested strip of matter aside from [[hell]] itself. According to Chris' internet research, lesbians engage in a practice known as [[scissoring]] where they rub their [[vagina|clitorises]] together, and being a [[tumblr|male identified lesbian]], Chris wanted the piercing so he could use it with a future lesbian lover. As usual, Chris paid no care to his personal hygiene, which resulted in the pierced area getting infected. A friend (possibly a troll) suggested he remove the piercing and let it heal, and the sore supposedly evolved into a flesh hole which in Chris-chan's warped mind resembles a vagina.
[[File:Chris_china.jpg|left|thumb|according to Nostradamus, the 3rd [[antichrist]] shall spawn from this cavity]]
Chris is under the impression that the hole is a result of white noise videos on [[Youtube]], which Chris listens to since he believes it can aid in his transformation into a true and honest woman. When trolls told Chris to seek medical attention, he lied about already having visited a doctor for his new "vagina", with Chris claiming that the doctors told him that his "vagina" is "good and beautiful".

In truth, this is a combination of circumstances which may ultimately kill Chris. In the event that the puss pocket which is likely embedded deep within (Chris has stated that he has been wearing Maxi Pads in order to contain the bleeding) his cursed hole tunnels deep enough into his taint to reach his digestive system, he will suffer a septic shock (which is [[shit]] being released directly into the bloodstream), if Chris suffers a septic shock, he will likely die.
{{clear}}

===Lust for cock===
 
{{frame|<youtube>7ApNv1EqGUE</youtube>|margin=auto}}
 
== January 10th, [[2014]]: House fire ==
In the early days of [[2014]], 14 Branchland Court was burnt down by a fire sparked by plugging a coffee brewer into a bathroom outlet at 3 AM and leaving it unattended, heating the hoard to its flashpoint. The entire property, along with all of Chris's earthly possessions were destroyed. It begs the question why Chris was brewing coffee at 3 in the morning, although likely reasons would be due to his "[[Fucktard|biological clock]]", or that Chris is obviously trying to commit fraud and sue the coffee maker Keurig, or perhaps that Chris likes a nice warm cup of hot java after taking a shit in the middle of the night. One fire fighter was seriously injured - probably because Chris kept going back inside to find his [[Burned_Fur|Sonichu medallion]]. 
<center><gallery>
File:CWC Fire FB 01.png|<center>[[Goodnight sweet prince]].</center>
File:CWC Fire FB 02.jpg|<center>[[Like|Like this post]].</center>
File:CWC Fire FB 03.jpg|<center>Donation drive, or [[lawlsuit]]?</center>
</gallery></center>
 
{{frame|<youtube>qkYnMRh26Oo</youtube>|margin=auto}}
 
{{squote|'''The roof. The roof. The roof is on fire. We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn, burn motherfucker, burn.'''|Chris's neighbor}}

===EDF Draws It===
The faggots on [[EDF2]] of course wasted no time in delivering their art of Chris and his house. The "art" is devoid of any artistic merit, and worse than Chris's own art. Below are their contributions. 
{{cg|BURN BURN BURN|EDF|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:EDF Art Chris Chan House Fire - DIAF 1.png ‎| By '''Die In A Fire'''
File:EDF Art Chris Chan House Fire - Sr. Bicarbonato.jpg | By '''Sr. Bicarbonato'''
File:EDF Art Chris Chan House Fire - Linkermann.png | By '''Linkermann'''
File:Chris-chan%27s_flamming_faggotry_burned_his_down.jpg | By '''Jewbee'''
File:EDF Art Chris Chan House Fire - Cobalt.jpg | By '''Cobalt'''
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:EDF Art Chris Chan House Fire - Arcticphoenix95.png | By '''Arcticphoenix95'''
File:EDF Art Chris Chan House Fire - DIAF 2.png ‎| By '''Die In A Fire'''
File:EDF Art Chris Chan House Fire - Mancomb.jpg | By '''Mancomb'''
File:9wtX3Jx.png | By '''Rockin'Sex'''
File:Snapshot 20140128 1.JPG | The art being prepped for shipping
</gallery>}}

[[File:Snapshot 20140128.JPG|thumb|center|500px|<center>Attached letter</center>]]
{{clear}}

==Back to the Present==
[[File:Chris chan toys r us.jpg|right|200px|thumb|People actually follow this [[Tranny|shemale]] around, [[srs]].]]
Today, Christineianopher wanders around Virginia, buying things with the money people send him (because that's trolling him...somehow), while complete losers snap pictures of him like they're [[Paparazzi|paparazzi]] snapping pictures of [[Caitlyn Jenner]] fucking [[Taylor Swift]]. Still existing, somehow, is the [https://sonichu.com/cwcki Chris Chan Wiki] which obsessively (i.e. pathetically) follows every detail of Chris and his mother as if they're still (or, more accurately, were ever) worth more than a single wiki page. They also ask for donations in order to keep the stalking possible. The sad end to all of this turns out not to actually be Chris, but rather anyone who would spend money to keep watching him or his [https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Barb_vs_Capital_One_Bank_result.png mother's fucking credit rating]. In the end, ''he'' became the troll.
{{clear}}
==CWC vs. [[The Donald]]==
On November 10, [[2016]], Chris, who only supported [[Hillary Clinton]] because she was a woman, has threatened to assassinate President-elect Trump and VP-elect Mike Pence on [[Twatter]]. Srsly. He was threatening to kill them on social media before he pussied out and deleted the original tweet, only to post two more threats aimed at both the president and the vice president. Chris has also made many youtube videos talking about Trump and denouncing his presidency.
 
{{frame|<youtube>QPVOyfwiGf8</youtube>|margin=auto}}
 
==E-Begging==
On Chris' new YouTube account '''CwcvilleGuardian''', Chris has begun to e-beg. Most of these videos include Chris talking about how the Mortgage Company is "Biting our buts again".
 
{{frame|<youtube>gMVaxFmeJE0</youtube>|margin=auto}}
 
Chris also has a <s>[https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4525122 Patreon account]</s> [[Banned|("under review")]] where he usually racks up a total of $537 a month.

Chris being Chris, he and his mother began to accumulate quite a bit of debt and the e-begging became {{archive|DcBAa|more and more desperate}}, with the {{ytlink|gfAvFYKVEZ4|corpse-like Barb}} even appearing in some of the begging videos.

In April [[2017]], after unsuccessfully trying to sell stamp albums and getting frustrated, Chris {{archive|p5xHq|listed his Sonic Totem on eBay}} and it was bought for $1,500. Almost immediately, Chris {{kf|29849|spent $400 on a 14 karat gold necklace}} (to replace one his mother had {{archive|Y2iJ0|pawned}}), and the rest went to Skylanders shirts and to pay off a few bills. In typical Chris fashion, he had spent all of the money without shipping the item and the buyer had disputed the charge on PayPal, putting Chris' account in the negative and Chris then begged for more money so he could ship it. Chris did finally send out the Totem and the buyer [https://archived.moe/v/thread/374625554/ surfaced on 4chan's /v/] and provided photos of his $1,500 papier-mâché horror, reporting that Chris had mailed it in "two boxes scotch taped together with trash used as packing material."

Inspired by the sale of the Totem, weeks later Chris dug through 20+ damp garbage bags of clothing that had been festering since the [[2014]] house fire and managed to {{archive|rROga|find his Classic shirt}} so he could attempt to sell it.

{{quote|I previously stated that I lost the iconic shirt in the house Fire of January 10, [[2017]]. Actually, that shirt was Not totally lost in that fire; to my recollection, it was in a mountain pile of laundry in the laundry room. So, more accurately, it was in one of the black bags down here. I have just dug through the dirty half of those bags, more than ten or twenty of them. Then, in a bag of damp ones, I found the shirt. I took a photo; part of the selling amount will go to better restoring the shirt; I am personally putting it through a page or two in my washer and dryer. Only after sale of the relic, I will be able to afford having it restored to its glory, and I will frame it and add a personal Certificate of Authenticity, before shipping it. Thank you.|Chris' value for his moldy, ratty shirt? $20,000.}}

Chris {{archive|ONT0h|listed the shirt on eBay}} with a $12,000 starting bid and a buyout price of $20,000. A portion of the winning bid was said to be going towards restoration of the shirt and putting it in a frame, {{archive|MLF9L|after}} he got the money from the sale. Chris wore the classic shirt and his medallion in a follow up video about the sale, seen below.
 
{{frame|<youtube>XnOyhlA84dQ</youtube>|margin=auto}}
 
===Becoming a literal whore===
[[File:ChrisChanSexForMoney.png|thumb|center|650px]]

== Chris Chan's plan To Support The Troops On [[9/11]] ==

[[Image:1chrissuxdix111.png|center|600px]]

==Most Efficient Way To Troll Chris==

Since our little [[shit|untermensch]] ignores reality and all his failings and actually believes that he is the [[Awesome|ubermensch]] that the <s>[[Nazi|Nazis]]</s> [[Nietzsche]] prophesied, the easiest way to troll him is to tell him that whatever he is doing sucks, he will never be any good at it and that you saw a Jew do it a lot better than him. In other words, tell him the truth. Like a Vampire being exposed to the sun - basement dwelling, autistic, fucktards react the same when exposed to the truth but instead of being reduced to ash, they're turned into a blubbering pile of failure that will whine how everyone hates them because they were born different.

==Chris Chan Has Super Powers==

[[Image:Chischan798.png|thumb|left|300px|Chris is convinced he has super powers.]]

Recently, everyone's favorite [[virgin|virgin with rage]] from [[Virginia]] has become convinced that his [[autistic|autism]] comes with super powers and has made posts on [[Twitter]] suggesting that he was endowed with a level of hearing [[LOL WUT|that our simple mortal minds and weak, fragile human bodies could never come to understand.]] 
Chris has made the claim that his senses are so acute, or at least his hearing, that he can hear a whispered conversation being held across a room in a noisy enviroment. 
For him, an unimpressive ability that can be replicated with a directional microphone is something to brag about. 
Some people think that this is the beginning of his [[insane|break from reality]] and that he will be claiming more powers that belong to [[Superman]] until he climbs to the top of a 30 story building and [[Fail|tries to fly.]] 
Considering how fragile Chris' psyche is, this is just another attempt by him to convince himself that he is somehow special or better than everyone because he has a special skill that no one else has. 
The post is probably meant more for him as it is published in some form of semi-permanent media to convince him that it is true rather than for the people who follow him.
{{clear}}

==June 23, [[2018]]: The Ban from Too Many Games==

While at the Too Many Games convention at the Greater Philadelphia Expo Center, our fellow manchild of bad odor Chris-chan, thinking she is some sort of goddess, decided to touch people inappropriately. She even kissed Shane (also known as FourScore64) without his consent... yeah.... that actually happened. And when she was kicked out, she made a '''{{archive|WkqF5|whole scene}}''' about it. 10+ years of getting banned from dozens of local stores and getting rejected by women for his creepy behavior has taught him fuck all.
 
{{center|
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== Chris the Rapist ==

[[File:CWCing.mp4|center]]
[[Image:Chrischanmugshot.png|thumb|right|200px]]

{{quote|I wasnt so sure if she enjoyed it at first but her vagina was nice and tight when I initiated the penetration, I had her neighing like a horse!|Chris after fucking his mother}}
'''If you really thought it was all over, you'd be sorely mistaken...'''

On the lovely day of July 30th, [[2021]], a 4-minute audio clip and text messages were leaked of Chris describing how he quite literally took the phrase "[[Incest|Doin' Your Mom"]] seriously. He flaunted about how he has been researching hardcore porn methods to enact on his decrepit mother such as [[BDSM|restraining]] her with a rope by tying it around her [[Auto-erotic asphyxiation|neck]].

The Internets reaction to the fact that Chris had [[not|surprisingly]] fucked his own decrepit Mother in order to finally complete the love quest was one of instant condemnation, with the last few remaining [[Brainlet|apologists]] finally realizing that trying to "fix" or "rehabilitate" this [[Tranny|Tranny]] was not only impossible, but was ultimately [[retarded|retarded]] as he would almost certainly [[Molester|go back to his old ways]]

It was believed far and wide that no legal action would be taken against Chris. Considering he's an autistic [[brony|brony]] [[transgender|tranny]], it's only natural he has unconditional protection from any legal action whatsoever due to [[faggots|fellow allies]] constantly bitching for their rights. However, he was removed from the home he and Barbara shared, which ended up with him sleeping in his car, [[Masturbaiting|doing god knows what]] in there. (Imagine the smell and the amount of trash that has been trapped in there for the past 10 years.) And then, in a shocking twist of events, Chris not only got his corpulent rapist ass V& but was [[Pwned|LEGALLY DECLARED A MAN AND LOCKED UP IN MAN JAIL]] to be [[Bubba|Bubba's]] new bean bag chair until his trial!

Chris being legally declared a man is incredibly [[Lulz|lulzy]], but it also made other transgenders happy which is incredibly [[Anti-Lulz|unlulzy]]; we here at [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] are as of yet unsure on how much hilarity this adds up to in the end, but our crack team of [[Basement Dweller|E-Scientists]] are working tirelessly to crunch those numbers and are considering it a [[win]] until the results are in.

He also lost the trust of [[Null]], one of his only "lifelines" due to the fact Chris was retarded and decided to take money out of his moms account, therefore making Null finally cut contact with him, which should've been done as soon as Bob died.

It should also be noted that, in Virginia, mother/daughter incest is not covered under Virginia's incest laws. Since Chris-Chan is an autistic [[transgender|tranny]] he could've technically gotten away with it if he was considered a woman under the eyes of the law. Prosecutors might've had to drag all 1000+ pounds of Chris-Chan's smelly fat ass to the Supreme Court and get them to declare it a [[manchild|man]] for the incest charges to stick.

Or they could be boring and just go for your run of the mill rape charge instead.

Many people thought this was the end of Chris-Chan, however [[#HE'S FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE|they were wrong]].

[[File:Chris Chan Wincest remastered.mp3|center]]
 
{{center|
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{{cg|Chris Spills His Spaghetti|EDF|center|<gallery>
File:Chriscest 1.png
File:Chriscest 2.png
File:Chriscest 3.png
File:Chriscest 4.png
File:Chriscest Facebook.png
File:Chris Chan Incest details.jpg
</gallery>}}

{{cg|Barb Breaking|EDF|center|<gallery perrow=6>
File:Sonichu DP.png
File:Cwcing to CWC.png
File:ChrisBarbR34.png
File:Chriscest Ugly Son of a Bitch.jpg
File:Chriscest Pronouns.png
File:Chriscest Poster.png
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="6">
File:Chriscest Joker.jpg
File:Chriscest Handy.jpg
File:Chriscest Effect.png
File:Chriscest Dracula.png
File:Chriscest Costanza.jpg
File:Chriscest Congrats.png
File:Chriscest Bad Edit.png
File:Chriscest Asuka.png
File:Chris Chan Muscle Man.jpg
File:Chris Chan Muscle Man 2.png
File:Chris and Applejack.jpg
File:Barbussy.jpg
</gallery>}}

== Chris in the Slammer ==
{{quote|All ye need know, regardless of the foreknown outcome, is that there was absolutely nothing beyond Soul Bonding that had happened|Chris speaking like a [[Autistic Dumbfuck|retard]], trying his best to not admit that he had totally not [[Surprise_Sex|boned]] his own Mother for weeks}}
[[Image:Chrismay2022.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Chris in May [[2022]], notice how he looks as if a [[Bubba|a certain someone]] [[drop the soap|gave him a special surprise]] ]]

[[Image:Chrisafterjail.png|thumb|right|200px|[[Brainlet|Artists]] rendition of Chris giving an interview about the [[Buttsecks|Trials]] and [[Surprise_Sex|Tribulations]] of being in jail, assuming they pump him with meds]]

Not long after Chris [[Surprise_Sex|finally ended his love quest]], he was arrested and taken into custody where he has since remained. His stay in prison has been extended with continuances, as its almost certain that the [[Jew|Judge]] and the Justice system itself [[lazy|don't have time for whatever retarded bullshit he has to say]]. There was however a small timeframe during April where he was finally sent to the nuthouse where he belonged, however this was proven to be for fuckall as he was returned only a month in. It did however result in one massive [[Lulz|lulzy]] moment where [[George_Floyd|he was pinned to the ground and restrained]] for being a [[Autistic_Dumbfuck|whiny bitch]] on the day of his return to the slammer, which resulted in him looking rather [[retarded|down]] in his latest mugshot.

[[Image:Chrisdelusional9.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Oh yes he fucking did]]

His long stint in jail has resulted in Chris unsurprisingly coping by thinking he was fucking [[Charles_Manson|Jesus]] himself, constantly saying in his letters that the [[Retards|people]] who had wronged him were going to get fucking [[pwnd|pwnd]] out of existence and that his [[Delusions|creations]] were coming to save him and take him to [[Nazi_Germany|the promised land of CWCville]]. It has gotten to the point where he will refer to any [[Retard|troll or white knight]] that has "betrayed" him as certain characters from the [[Bible|book of jews itself]], referring to [[Null|a certain Janny who does it for free on his own website]] as "The Judas" for cutting ties with him after he [[Surprise_Sex|Soul bonded with his own deflated mom for a month]].

To the surprise of absolutely fucking no one however this is yet to have occurred, and the people who were going to get [[pwnd|turned into orange fanta that Chris could jerk off into]] are still kicking to this day. This has of course resulted in Chris constantly finding any fucking excuse to continue on with his fantasy of being the [[Fuhrer|Mayor]] of the cozy town of [[Nazi_Germany|CWCville]], which has just proven how [[retarded|delusional]] he really is at this point.

== The Near Future Eulogy For Christian/Christine Weston Chandler ==

[[Image:Chrisanhero.png|thumb|center|350px]]

{{Quote|'''La commedia è finita! '''|Pagliacci}}
 
{{frame|<youtube>GubJVThmZs4</youtube>|margin=auto}}
 
{{Quote|'''Vesti La Giubba From Pagliacci sung by Mario Lanza'''|Ha Gibor}}

{{Quote|I declaim! While taken with delirium,
I do not know what I am saying,
or what I am doing!
Yet it is necessary, I must force myself!
Bah! Are you not a man? (''Laughs at self'')
Thou art Pagliacci (a clown)!

Put on your costume and apply make up to your face.
The people pay, and they want to laugh.
And if Harlequin invites away Colombina,
laugh Pagliaccio (clown) and everyone will applaud!
Turn the spasms and tears into jokes,
The tears and pain into grimaces, Ah!

Laugh, Pagliaccio (clown),
your love is broken!
Laugh of the pain, that poisons your heart!|English Translation of Vesti La Giubba}}

==The Chris-chan podcast episodes==
Recently, popular podcast Behind the Bastards hosted by the chad faced Robert Evans put out a two part series on Chris, summarizing this entire wiki page and more into about 2:05 hours. [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] is mentioned and used as a source throughout the two episodes.

[https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/episode/part-one-a-terrible-story-about-96695551/ Part 1]

[https://mega.nz/file/mU4m3LwB#5bn8vho9krI5IQmN7Fns6SfX40zFofTw9FPmYrt3Gu8 Mega Archive 1]

[https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/episode/part-two-a-terrible-story-about-96802990/ Part 2]

[https://mega.nz/file/uVoAHZ7Z#7TlJyAvcJ-37EIsMhtKKYukn2zK4XUrQMYM7L1Q5_Cw Mega Archive 2]

==His facility transfer==
[[File:Chris_mugshot_27_March_2023.png|300px|thumb|left|Chris in march [[2023]], just prior to his transfer]]
[[File:Chris-Chan released from jail.png|150px|thumb|right|]]

After almost 2 years of being incarcerated in the central virginia region jail, on March 27, 2023. Chris was bailed out via court order and was transferred to a currently undisclosed facility. Despite his [[incest]] charges being raised to class 5 felonies, just a few months later Chris ended up getting away with incest entirely (read next section).
 
{{frame|<youtube>xH1iHa00YNA</youtube>|margin=auto}}
 
==He got away with fucking his mom==
On August 25, 2023, all of Chris' felony charges were dismissed; making Chris a truly free man. Prior to this, Chris was spotted numerous times at Walmart and even went online on his Nintendo Switch. Unlike his previous two times of getting away, however, this was less effective as he can never go to wherever Barb goes and he's now most likely living in a group home. Maybe it's only a matter of time before the next ''Sonichu'' issue...

==Post-MotherFucking saga==
After the dismissal of the charges for the [[Incest|aforementioned reasons]], Chris has (Unfortunately) been active in social media once again, uploading his idiotic religious sonichu shit, even starting a Livestream in YouTube on November 3th, 2023. As for his current plans, Chris has been asking for [[Retard|"Minecraft Builders"]] for his new Minecraft server. Stay tuned for the next activities our favorite motherfucking tard has for us!

==A very Chrissy photo gallery==
<gallery>
I Am Not IAN BRANDON SOMETHING.gif|I NAME IS NOT IAN BRANNAN SOMETHING!!!
bbbill.gif|Is there a difference? I can't see it.
Scarychris.jpg|Fun Fact: [[facepalm|He actually wears this poorly made, fugly fucking clay medallion in public.]]
Chris-chan 2014 selfie.jpg|The new and "'''HARDLY''' improved" cross-dressing, stinky, shaved-beard-lady Chris-chan in [[2014]], M'laaaaaydeeeeeesss!
Chris-tran.png|Chris-tran, A.K.A CWC-Boy Super Liberal Social-Media Degenerate Edition!
File:Agent chris chan.jpg
File:WantMan.jpg|Remember when you thought THIS was Chris at his worst?
</gallery>

==See Also==

[[Image:Homobad.JPG|thumb|150px|Chris wearing his mother's undergarments.]]
[[Image:Cwc-gormley.gif|150px|thumb|[[Mark Gormley|Gormley]]-Chan]]
*[[Adf-fuensalida]]/[[Ahuviya Harel]] - The true sibling of Chris-Chan
*[[Aeverine Nieves]] - Chris-chan's [[tranny]] counterpart
*[[Advice Chris]]
*[[AniMat]]
*[[AnimatedJames]]
*[[Anthony 'A-Log' LoGatto]]
*[[Benthelooney]]
*[[BlueCatRiolu]] - {{age|2000|02|19}} year old furfag who is obsessed with cats and inflation. Rips off franchises and starts drama like Chris-Chan and [[ChristianU2ber]].
*[[Bourg Productions]]
*[[Cambion-Hunter]] - Autistic {{age|1990|01|16}} year old manchild who lives with his dad and his more autistic older brother and thinks he's a bad-ass commentator on DeviantArt. Is a bully who almost made someone kill themself and is a [[Sargon of Akkad]] clone who regurgitates information.
*[[Cansin13]] - Some {{age|1999|07|12}} year old who also shares a fascination with Sonic as well as wanting attention.
*[[Capital Gazette Shooting]] - Carried out by Chris' twin Jarrod Ramos
*[[Chibiyima]] - Believes his bullshit dA account is actually his. She admires him for some fucking reason.
*[[Christopher Cleary]] Fellow virgin with rage
*[[Crimson-Silvrblood]]
*[[CyberDemon531]]
*<s>[[Cyndilovespiccolo]] - Autistic ladychild in her thirties mooching off her parents.</s> She grew out of her drama queen bullshit.
*[[Cyraxx]]
*[[David Tanny]]
*[[DarksydePhil]] - If Chris-Chan was an LPer.
*[[Darren A. Nichols|Darren Pipster]] - {{age|2000|09|25}} year old who might be a Chris wannabe
*[[Deeker]]
*[[Doggis|Diogo Mendes]] - [[Portuguese]] {{age|2005|12|11}} year old teenager who tried to be a tranny by cosplaying as Dioga
*[[DisneyFan01]]
*[[Doopie DoOver]] E-begging, alleged internet friend Chris claims came to his house and sucked him off for $250. Convinced that he is in love with Chris because Doopie is being used as the Honeypot for an elaborate troll by Planet Dolan.
*[[Doopie Doodles]] After purging her old account of embarrassing material this is Doopie's new account.
*[[Doopie DoOver/People]]
*[[DrMusic2]]
*[[The Eclectic Espeon]] - Another self-diagnosed transsexual in the pony fandom.
*[[EDP445]] - The basketball american and {{age|1990|12|15}} year old version of Chris-Chan.
*[[Elliot Rodger]]
*[[Ethan Ralph]]
*[[Erik Ribsskog]] – Chris' older brother
*[[Evan Gragg]]
*[[Gorgeous George]] - fellow anti-lulz Virginian
*[[Gruntchovski]]
*[[Hacking Team]] - One of their employees is a botched Chris-chan clone.
*[[Hothead the mare]]
*[[Hozupindahows00s]] Taking art lessons from Chris
*[[I Dislike Cis People]]
*[[Ickeriss69]]
*[[JaSonic]] - Autistic Lolcow that has an extreme sonic fetish and fucks a crusty Sonic plushie.
*✡[[Jew]]✡ Chris claims to hate them and, obviously repeating Megan because he's using an obscure reference most people wouldn't get and not just naming [[Hitler]], has said [[Nazi|Reinhard Heydrich]]'s plans didn't take it far enough and a new plan to eradicate all Jews should be put into practice. Despite all these claims he is a fan of and stalks ✡[[Tara Strong]]✡, [[Cunt|✡Mila Kunis✡]], ✡[[Natalie Portman]]✡ and [[Phineas and Ferb|✡Ashley Tisdale✡]]. The [[irony]] of this is that [[Homosexual|fags]], [[insane|the insane]] and [[lazy|work shy]] were killed off way before they Nazi's started killing Jews.
*[[Jonathan Niehaus]]
*[[Joseph8276]] - CWC but with swag.
*[[Keegan Salisbury]] - Gen Z {{age|2004|09|15}} year old version of Chris
*[[Kaoru Yuuka]] - a very tamer version of CWC, who's just really annoying
*[[Kiwi Farms]] - an official fan forum for Chris Chan full of basement-dwellers like him. They buy all his shitty medallions and defend Chris from trolls.
*[[Les Six]] - [[Tomb Raider]] fan community's answer to Chris Chan
*[[Liar]]
*[[Laura Kate Dale]] - Also a batshit insane male tranny.
*[[LilSoyEvan]]
*[[Lord Foxworth]] - A freak obsessed with anime characters, particularly from [[Nichijou]]
*[[Madisonstar Moon]]
*[[Matthew Davis]] - Chris-Chan in training
*[[Minami-Kousaka]] - If Chris-Chan were Filipina and actually a good person
*[[Monica Punk]] - an autist lesbian who's scissoring with [[Chris-chan/Tomgirl Saga|Tranny-CWC]]
*[[MundaneMatt]]
*[[MysticArk]]
*[[Nick Bate]]
*[[Nickolas Cruz]]
*[[Onigojirakaiju]] - Chrissy's long lost [[Philippines|Filipino]] twin.
*[[Psychochondria]]
*[[IronKidFan8|Roszina Head]] - {{age|2002|7|27}}-year-old Britfag womanchild who looks very similar to Chris.
*[[Onyx Forepaw]] - Replace the sonic fascination with Disney's Bolt.
*[[Transformers|Optimus Prime]] {{Jew}} Chris Chan Claims this Autobot leader exists as a testament to his own masculinity which would explain why Optimus dies in every incarnation. Another Jew Chris has no problem with.
*[[Pamperchu]] - Replace the sonic fascination with diapers.
*[[Paradisefreedom]] - Chris-Chan's potential sweetheart
*[[Pedophile]]
*[[Pewdie-Pinkiepie]]
*[[Prince Jeremy]]
*[[Quinton Reviews]]
*[[Randy Stair]] - a more mass shooter equivalent of Chris-Chan
*[[RavenNG]]
*[[Sailor Moon]] Chris Claims he [[masturbate|faps]] to a poster of her to stay [[Heterosexual|straight]]. Guess his mother threw it away.
*<s>[[Sonbreezie]]</s> She grew out of her faggotry and turned against her apprentice Chibiyima; she is a regular contributor to the CWCki and likes to troll Chris by way of the wiki
*[[Sonic Savior]]
*[[Spoony]]
*[[Super Planet Dolan]]
*[[Takedownman]]
*[[Tanner Weed]]- Another autistic asshole with USI disorder.
*[[Tara Strong]] - They follow each other on [[Twatter|Twitter]]. {{ytlink|_C70vDkYvqk|...fucking end me!}}
*[[The rEactor]]
*[[Timbox]] - Chris-chan's apprentice
*[[The Troll Hunter]] - [[Yes|Wannabe CWC troll]] or [[no|unlikely ally]]?
*[[Trolling Induced Transgenderism Syndrome]]
*[[Evil-unveiled.com/Markaba|Todd Nickerson]]
*[[TomPreston ]]
*[[UltimateUKFFFan]]
*[[Venom2204]]
*[[White people]]
*[[Doomentio]]
*[[Choche007]] - The Chilean version of Chris Chan
*[[DrossRotzank]]
*[[Peluchin Entertainment]]
*[[Huevito Rey]]
*[[Juan Luis Lagunas Rosales]]
*[[Jonathan Ross]]

==External Links==
*'''{{archive|FURNj|1d4chan Article}}'''
Sadly, we of 4chan have also had a run-in with this fucker.
*{{wayback|http://www.cracked.com/funny-3956-chris-chan/|20140217171027|title=Cracked Article with lots of pretty pickshures for those who think this article is TL;DR.}}
*[https://sonichu.com/cwcki CWCki] (wiki all about the big C)
*[https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Doopie_E-mails Doopie Releases emails] between her and Chris Chan
*{{dauser|sonichuchrischan}} - Mock deviantART account
*{{fb|CwcvilleGuardian|His unforgiving Facebook}}
*{{kym|memes/people/chris-chan-cwc-christian-weston-chandler|Chris-Chan}} - The Chris-Chan Know Your Meme page.
**{{kym|memes/sonichu|Sonichu}}
**{{kym|memes/bob-the-internet-lumberjack|Bob The Internet Lumberjack}}
**{{kym|memes/sonics-arms-are-not-blue|Sonic's Arms Are Not Blue}}
*{{wayback|http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/User_talk:Reldnahc|20091215153339|title=Chris-Tran's old talk page during his short stay at ED}}
*{{wayback|20100303193207|http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/User:Reldnahc|title=His old luserpage}}
*[[NeoGAF]] thinks [https://www.neogaf.com/threads/chris-chan-is-reaching-out-to-indie-game-developers-to-make-a-sonichu-game.1143257/ it's a good idea to support him and his shitty idea for a indie game.]
*[https://motherless.com/9F6859A Chris Chan sits on a cake with no pants on]

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Yoshizilla

2024-10-18T04:40:43Z

Bluenose25: Yoshizilla is a bitch. Read more to find out.

Yoshizilla (real name is unknown) is a [[Retarded|retarded]] [[Smug|smug]] [[canadian]] [[Asshole|asshole]] and a [[Butthurt|whiny]] [[Assburgers|autistic]] [[manchild]]? who thinks it's the right thing to [[Virgin|complain on the Mario Kart PC Forums online because he was wronged.]] He might also be a [[Children|Mario Fanboy]], and can [[Waaaambulance|complain in an instant if you defy him/his rules.]] However, if he [[I am disappoint|defies the rules]] instead, the [[How to become an hero|other users begin sniffing for potential answers to his]] bullshit.
== List of rules ==
This includes:
* [[Rotten|Listening to him]]
* Not trying to [[Society|invite him to your matches]]
* [[Baby|Tolerating his bullshit]]
* [[Yes|Not inviting him to your shitty Discord server]]
* [[Angery|Anything that may put him in a ballistic outburst]]
== What kind of bullshit he may pull on you ==
He's been known on record [[RAGE|clashing with the other users]]. And they don't care. However, you may expect Yoshi to [[Internet|LEAVE THIS FORUM FOREVER SRSLY]], but he may return to [[Basement-dweller|cause more bullshit]]. Or he will go and [[Emofags|cry for no reason, like my baby sister when she doesn't get her bottle]]. Usually, he manifests traits of being the twin of [[Chris-chan|Chris Chan]] himself, almost as if [[Sock puppet|he IS Chris Chan]]. Or you will get a tantrum on [[Sanctioned Suicide|4206900% audio if his mic survived the yelling]]. Can you say "[[Fuck.org|I am fucked]]" when you [[Lolcow.farm|laugh at his autism]]?
== Friends ==
The only real "friend" is a retarded ass named Link. Do not fall for his friend's bullshit. But he seems to TOLERATE HIM.
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[[Loud noises|WARNING! WARNING]]! THIS PAGE IS UNFINISHED! No, I'm not gonna [[School Bus Fight|help you edit the page, idiot]].