Comic

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HOLY SHIT stan lee died!!!1

Comics... Most people would agree that they are "Literature" for children and geeks/nerds. Remember, if you get stuck on the words, you can always just look at the pictures and they might even help you work out what's going on. If you're really lucky - there might even be pictures of tits.

Comics, like human bodies, come in many ~~shapes and sizes~~ er, types and formats, and here at ED, we are proud to provide the free public service of explaining these different comic formats to you. So pay attention, you absolute Plebian!

Newspaper comics

Newspaper comics are the lowest form of comics, even in Bizarro World. Most of them are "funny", hence the term "funny pages." In fact, some are so funny that they're unfunny. Such is quantum physics. Newspaper comics were born at least a hundred years ago to sell newspapers. Back then, most people couldn't read and written news was worthless to them. So, publishers tried to make newspapers taste delicious. One day, while experimenting with flavored ink, a horrible mongoloid child was created. This child became "The Yellow Kid", a delightful racist caricature who terrorized the country. Many other beady eyed creatures were begotten as well, most of them horribly un-PC. The people loved these colorful and tasty stories. But at some point, the magic died, and now the comic strips are just around to keep old people from complaining.

Dennis The Menace
Actual Garfield strip
The Family Circus
Peanuts
some Peanuts fan-art
The Boondocks started life as a comic strip too.

Superhero comics

Superhero comics come in colorful shrink-wrapped books. Nobody knows what's actually inside these books, because taking off the shrinkwrap would destroy the collector value of the books. They are kept hidden away as saving bonds. Comic book fans are also worth mentioning, as they are likely the most easily offended kinds of nerd you can piss off with kicks by telling they that they're just American Weeaboo Comic nerds like their Nip worshiping counterparts, only with even less of a dick size and ego to spare. Also, don't forget worth mentioning that Marvel or DC has done nothing but produce borderline Rule 34 and Guro, that Comics can't even show tits or vag without wet t-shirts or overt fan-service without getting the morality squad's attention because they aren't superior manga, and have even less original content and creativity that what even the worst of manga artists in Nipland can best by just sleeping in, playing video gaems and splashing their cum/vag juice all over a paper and turning it in. Also, don't forget to mention that their god of comics, Stan Lee, has turned to the dark side and has literally gone wee-aboo to create a superior manga rather than work on fucktarded 50 year old canonized fanfiction disregard that lol; he's dead. Also don't forget to tell them that no one fucking cares about his literary thesis on Magneto's Helmet Design Continuity; and that Marvel's only achievement in the last 10 years was pairing up with Japs to create a video game for their fans that Marvel only gets a tiny bit of the residual money from.

Oh, and no one gives a fuck about DC Comics.

The only superhero worth taking the wrapper off his comic is Spider Jerusalem from Transmetropolitan, because unlike most other superheroes who spend the twenty-two pages (minus advertisements, those lazy bastards) flying around in homoerotic undergarments and saving people from whatever they happened to be asking for at the time, Jerusalem is seen throughout his comic chain-smoking, eating the eyes of endangered species as a snack, writing his weekly newspaper column from the tops of strip clubs while half-human aliens riot against the police below, doing drugs, making Catholic priests vomit for eavesdropping on him, and shooting the President of the United States with his bowel disruptor. His only negative aspects of his bad-assery is that he's basically a chain-smoking ripoff of Deadpool, was created by a Brit, and is based upon Hunter S. Thompson, who became an hero.

Wolverine

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Only a Nip would forget basic anatomy and make Wolverine's claws longer than his arms

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Now the one character that will get the Rainbow Dash, plushie humping freaks out of their Basement apartment to buy 2 copies of every issue is Wolverine so that they can have one to read with their Cheeto dust covered fingers and have another to store away in their safety deposit box because it's value, they believe, is going to go way up becauses who doesn't love a yellow spandex wearing Anti-Hero like Wolverine?

Wolverine is who these pimple faced, light fearing losers want to be and Marvel knows it. Marvel never shows him working out to give them the hint to exercise. Marvel always sticks to their formula of working fan service into every issue to satiate these worms. He screws syphilitic, hepatitis C, GRIDS, infected Women, drinks without consequences, smokes like a chimney and plays Russian Roulette with an automatic pistol because he can get away with it because he has a mutant healing factor.

Furthermore, to get the geeks to drop their ~~hard earned shekels~~ money that their moms gave them, this formerly Jewish run company of Evil, (Marvel was bought out by Disney so now it's a subsidiary of EVIL LLC ^✡), they figured out that when these rotund fanboys are jerking off to pictures of their Waifus from Neon Genesis Evangelion they aren't buying Marvel products or watching their badly produced Cartoons, they hired Nip artist Tsutomu Nihei to write a five issue, limited series called "Snikt". (Really? Just nevermind.)

Not a big seller with mainstream comic buyers, it did have the comic books are American manga fans creaming all over their toss off to issues and like most things that have a cult following, the Trendy Fuckers smelled a chance to look cool late in their life and 20 years later, they pounced and drove up single issue prices to $100 a piece, ensuring that the comic book speculaters, who were buying 20 issues a month, would be making money.

All we can say is at least the "Snikt" issues aren't Vertigo's Sandman. The First ten issues are only valued, around, one, maybe two thousand dollars in mint condition but you have the eBay homos thinking that they can pay off their student loans with them.

All we ask is, why don't these comic/manga geeks do the world a favor and just jerk-off to their plastic molded, waifu figure one last time and curl up and die.

Manga

Manga is for fucktarded weeaboos who spend all day inside fapping to Naruto. It features bad translation into English by the Chinese communists where they're mouths don't even correspond to the words, fucked up one-liners that 13 year old boys think are SUPAR KEWL and eyes that are big enough to be seen from space. The normal person who watches manga is a fat fuck with less friends then a /b/tard, which is almost impossible since /b/tards have no friends in the first place. Nerds think manga is ubar kewl and frequently wish that they were characters in a manga. They sometimes even dress up as manga characters, but most of them take to drawing "realll manggaa", posting it on DeviantART and then when people post comments saying how KAWAII ^__________^';! it is they believe that they are THE BEST and get plane tickets for the next flight to Japan, believing that they can actually draw. There's also hentai, which is manga except with moar bewbs. It's slightly less retarded, as you get to laugh at how horrible the animation is and how easily that tiny moaning chick let herself get raped.

Other Comics

There are also other comics, that are kind of not important, that "sophisticated" people read. These include stuff like Harvey Pekar's American Splendor, Herge's Tintin, Chick Tracts, the works of Robert Crumb, MAD magazine, and...OH SHIT, forget it. The people who read and make these comics are all probably on drugs or just really lame.